Original subtitles

This is a fat beat! Dont you think Stoli?

Yeah he really likes it.

There, I fixed it!

screaming

thud

Are you okay?

screaming

Why are we screaming and jumping?

Because, were going to Hollywood!

Screaming continues

Wait wait, how did you get this audition?

I sent my pictures online and I got electronic email for audition in Hollywood.

Weve been saving since we were kids to get out of this place and go to Hollywood but

we barely have more than enough to get there.

Anya money is not a problem once we go into Hollywood.

screaming continues

Wait! Whats the part?

Its a very important part.

It is Beautiful Russia Girl Number One.

You mean beautiful Russian girl number one?

No! Beautiful Russia girl number one.

That sounds like an important part, I cant argue with that.

Then we are really going to Hollywood bitches?

screaming

I dont know if we are ready.

Of course were ready. I got an audition. Im gonna be the next Marilyn Monroe!

I am going to be in big, American movie. Can you believe it, Anya?

Hollywood! Hollywood!

Okay , were definitely going!

screaming continues

I cant wait until we arrive in Hollywood for my important audition,

in big American movie.

Actually, for our auditions.

What?

Lalya and I went online and we submitted photos of ourselves for the part

and theyre giving us auditions too.

No! Beautiful Russian Girl Number One is my part for me.

Im beautiful Russian girl!

Look Natasha I thought if we all audition,

there will be three times more chance of getting the job

so we can afford to rent a little place in Hollywood.

No! You just stole my Beautiful Russia Girl Number One. You just stold it!

Look Natasha what about this?

We will audition for the beautiful Russian girl number 2 or 3 or something.

Well tell them but we better do that when we get there.

Will it work with you?

It could probably work but I must be number one.

Come on lets do that!

Okay! Lets do it!

I cant wait until we get to America where we could live in a gansta paradise.

Its gonna so G.

BGB, BOC, BBC, CPC. laughing

So why are we still here?

We have to get ready! Come on, get up!

Ooh! Turbulence!

I felt that in my stomach!

I hope there is much more turbulence.

barks

Stoli! No!

Sorry. Sorry, yo.

Sorry, sorry.

Stage whispering. Stoli!

Stoli?

Ow! What the fuck? Stewardess!

Mr. Don Carlo!

I am so sorry your travel is being interrupted--

Whos damn rat is this!

Stoli is no rat! He is legit dog!

Touch him and I will bust a cap in your ass!

Im sorry. I will take her back to seat. No problem here.

No problem? This suit was worn by James Bond... Haters!

Oh, you know what?

Dogs are not allowed on the plane.

Im sorry, but there is a dog right there!

Mr. Kissyface is a frequent flyer who has paid for his own seat.

Thank you very much.

Oh, my precious little...

Listen stewardess, why dont you leave that girls dog alone?

But-- Look, what are you gonna do?

You gonna open up a window at fifty million feet, sucking us all out into space

where our heads explode and we die? Come on..

Were flying at the height of thirty-five thousand feet.

What are you, an astronaut or something? I know how high were flying.

Who called you over here anyway, stewardess? Come on.

Im a flight attendant.

Thank you

Yeah! No Problem!

No problem.

Turbulence. Yeah?

Mr. Kissyface and I didnt feel any turbulence.

Yeah?

Well no one cares what you or Mr. Kissyface think alright?

So why dont you keep your yaps shut,

unless you plan playing tonsil hockey again with the pooch.

Sorry about that Ms., uh?

Natasha.

Natasha.

Its a pleasure.

Please, join me.

Lucky you have empty seat next to you.

No luck at all.

I always buy an extra seat when I travel.

You know, just in case I meet someone worth traveling with.

What are you doing?

Letting sexy wind blow hair?

I am like Russian Marilyn Monroe, dont you think?

Hey.

Hey I think youve got the wrong seat.

My wife actually just went to the bathroom real quick,

I think shes coming back in like two seconds. Just so you know, so if you can--

Can I help you?

I like your bling!

My...

No this is not, its a wedding ring.

For my wife whos coming back in two seconds.

So if you can move seats for me that would be...

I want to be one of you.

Uh, one of what? Uhm...

As a rapper.

No.. um, what kind of racist shit is.. no Im not a rapper.

Alright just because Im black doesnt make a rapper. Im a business man.

You are my brotha from anotha motha, G!

Can I spit on your next album?

No, please. Please dont.

I dont want you spitting on anything that I own. At all. No.

I got hoes in different area codes,

my homie, my dawg, my nigga--

Hey, hey! What?

What the hell did you just say to me?

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Sorry nothing. Better get your ass back over there before you see a real nigga today!

Move back. Move back. Move back. Sorry. Sory. Sorry, yo.

Whoops! Sorry, sorry.

What happened?

I met a real rapper.

Stewardess!

I sat in his bitchs seat.

Wheres Natasha?

Yeah, yeah.

I’m like a Francis Ford Coppola and

Steven Speilberg all rolled into one with a little Jerry Bruckheimer.

I didnt know that! Yeah...

Listen uhm...

Here.

Take this.

What is this?

You can use it to get anything you want.

You and your friends.

Uhh, its like credit card?

Chuckles.

Yeah, yeah. Its like credit card.

Anything you want.

I must show my girls! May I show it to girls?

Absolutely!

Oh my God.

Shes dumb as a box of retarded hammers.

snaps Just what I needed.

Hi.

Hes dumber than I thought.

What is that?

This is like a credit card.

Oh my god, is that a black card?

What does that mean?

Its like Jay-Z has. No limit.

This isnt right.

By the way Lalya I think I saw a real rapper overthere.

I know.

Bravo! Bravo!

Are you with the hospitality crew?

Where is it?

Are you playing on a pogo stick or something overthere?

Im not playing.

Don, for the last time.

Where is it!?

Did you lose something?

I mean, you know, besides from the hormones that you need to grow outside puberty.

Search it again.

We did search it again. We have to let him go.

Ow! Watch it!

Im sorry.

I thought I was loosening instead of tightening.

Ow!

Youre free to go.

Don!

Welcome to Los Angeles.

Look!

It is probably the American way of say hello.

Be careful Anya.

People over here are so kind and welcoming!

Look! Film makers with my name on sign!

Where is sign with my name?

I must be the first choice for Beautiful Russian Girl Number One. kiss

Ill show you who is first choice for Beautiful Russia Girl Number One. kiss

First show me where the sign with your name is.

Anya!

Saratova?

How come I get harassed every time I get to the fucking airport?

Profiling because youre an Italian man named Don?

Shut up!

Maybe its because you actually are involved in organized crime.

We gotta follow that limo!

Yes Sir! Shut up!

When do we arrive at the crib?

Or do we go straight to the studio?

Stop it, theyre watching you.

Of course they are looking at me.

I am the muckety-muck of a big, important movie now.

Muckety-muck?

Muckety-muck, big pimping,

mothafucka, boss, diva, the shit. Got it?

I dont know where were going.

Hello?

What do you mean? Im in the limo with--

Driver!

Stop the car.

You are not Saratova!

She is Saratova.

Katherine Saratova?

No! Lalya Saratova.

Are you Saratova?

Beautiful Russian girls.

You are one big mistake!

I see girls like you come to LA in patterns.

This town will eat you up and spit you out.

yelling

Next time, dont just get into someones car!

My purse! Stop! Stop!

Stoli!

Stoli is in there!

Im so sorry Lalya

Are you sorry beautiful Russian girl number one?

Don Carlo!

Can I give you girls a lift?

I mean, you know, unless this little slice of heaven is your final destination?

Sure!

Werent we warned a minute ago not to get into someones car?

Anya come on! You preffer stay here?

Am I the only one who remembers the airport security taking this man away?

I wouldnt get in that car baby!

You can stay here with me.

I dont go, I dont go..

You can stay here with me!

...so I told her Im an expert at fitting big things in little spaces.

Hey pig dropping! Why are we turning?

Youre suppose to stay on the road!

Theres a detour.

Theyre always working on the roads but they never get any better.

You know?

Yeah.

Okay, now why are we stopping?

A construction worker has stopped us.

He wants us to get out of the car.

Nobodys getting out of the car.

Dont worry girls. Its okay, its alright.

Turn the car around and get us the hell out of here now.

Shit.

gunshots

screams

gunshots

Did you die on me?

screaming continues

Shit!

Please.

I thought I was in heaven.

I thought I was in heaven until you popped that bubble.

What time is it?

I have to be on time for audition.

This is all your fault!

My fault?

You... You got us in wrong car

and kicked out in middle of nowhere!

Leave her alone, Natasha.

She just thought it was a pick up for the movie.

Why would movie pick her?

She is not Beautiful Russia Girl Number One material!

No?

No!

Im definitely not in heaven.

If we miss the audition, it will be your bad, yo.

You are the one who got us involved with that Don Carlo thug!

Puto.

Only because your dog ran in first class and bit his ankle!

Where are you going?

See where we are.

But there could be murderers right outside that door.

I hope there are. Walk out there, bitch!

If they wanted us dead we would be dead already.

Wow. She actually makes a good point here.

Whoah! Where do you think youre going?

Im looking for the ladies place.

Ladies pla-What?

Bathroom, restroom , toilet?

I mean its not up to me.

Please. Just one minute I...

Okay, okay, ahh...

Okay listen ahh...

Just be quick, okay? Down the hall, third door.

Okay? Just be quick. Okay.

Okay? Be really quick.

Really quick.

Spasibo.

Just quick. Hurry back please.

No, its okay. Everythings good. Its fine. Yeah

Its just they have guns.

They have guns...

gunshot

Was that a gunshot?

No!

First Stoli, now Natasha!

No, we dont know they shot Natasha.

gasping shushing

whispering Its me, its just me. Okay?

Who else would they cap?

The last thing I did was call her a bitch

and say I hope there is a murderer out there.

We have to get out of here.

Lets go!

Were only a floor up.

Rip this into strips.

You need to stay here!

You are going without me?

Oh, Natasha! We thought you was wacked!

Just as you wanted!

You leave me for dead?

Fine. Go!

Are you kidding?

No.

Okay. Okay.

Stay here with murderers instead of coming with us.

Stay.

Okay coming.

But I am still not talking to her.

Lets go.

Natasha, Where are you going?

I am looking for my purse.

Well its not there.

It must be here.

Its not there.

But I need it!

You need to get out of here. Come on.

Where is my purse?

No Natasha, I checked the whole room.

Are you sure its not here?

Yes. It probably got left in Don Carlos car.

There was a drive by shooting in Los Angeles tonight.

Two victims found death inside a limousine.

Investigators say it may or it may not be a gang related incident.

A dead end!

Maybe not.

I think I saw this girl

and two others arriving at LAX from the same airplane as Don Carlo.

Go to the airlines,

and find out who she was sitting with.

Lets go.

Just jump!

Natasha, we both jump on the count of three.

Okay.

One...

Two...

screaming

No, no, no...

Hey!

Go go go!

Oh God, hes gonna kill me.

Okay, unless.

screaming

Stop!

Why are you not stopping?

Weve got to bail, yo!

Stop!

She is really leaving us.

I have to find it.

Your purse is gone. Forget it!

Im not talking about my old purse, Im talking about black card.

I dont remember where I put it.

You lost Jay-Zs black card?

Don Carlos black card. And shut up please.

Im not talking to you!

Anya! Anya come back!

The black card is right here!

Anya must have dropped it.

What?

Shes gacked it, jacked it, stold it!

Give me my card!

I cant believe it!

And you were mad at me?

And Im still mad at you and her too because she stole my card!

And leave it with you!

She running in cirles?

Where are you going?

My profession wants this card?

Ok. I will give it to him and he will let me go.

And I will go to my audition.

And you both will go to hell!

You go to hell, join Marilyn Monroe there.

What you say?

You just said that Marylin in hell?

What did you say right now?

Marilyn in the hell?

This is you in the hell!

Where are you going?

Stop it!

I have to go and then never see you again.

Except at the audition.

Where I will crush you.

There is one problem with your plan.

What is the problem with my plan?

It is stupid.

Are you calling me stupid, stupid?

You go back and give him that card and he will wack you Natasha.

Stop it! Shes right.

screaming

Okay please, please --

groans in pain

They will kill you. Just like you saw him kill my friends in the library.

Well, one was a friend,

one was my cousin,

and the other guy was just some guy I work with.

Natasha

is a pretty name.

Listen, okay. screaming

I can help you guys get out of here.

If you can help me get to the hospital.

How can you help us get out of here?

I have a car.

Okay, just take that. Just dont get rolled in.

Anya!

One more month and I would have had a company car.

Unlock the door.

God, I hate this car.

Oh no, dont touch it!

Okay I got it. Ah.

Turn the wheel. Just keep it going, just...

Ow!

I dont actually know how to drive.

Why did you stop the car?

Who is the stupid one now?

Its still you.

Sorry--

Uhh, Herman.

Sorry, Herman. I didnt mean to smother you.

No, its okay.

I kind of liked it.

It doesnt start.

If I miss audition its just because you both cant drive!

You are more worried about your audition when they are trying to kill us?

Youre stupider than Lalya!

Oh God, I cant stand this car.

Anya!

She ran off again!

You cant leave us here!

Looks like she can!

Ow! You cant leave me here.

Looks like we can.

But im dying.

You are not dying.

Even if Im not, which I am,

if they catch me here without you guys, they will kill me.

Oh shit No, not my dress!

Ha, ha! To you Im on the safe place

and they will catch you.

How did you--?

Who is the stupid one now?

Him!

screaming

No one move!

I said no one move!

Go get the other one, okay? Ive got this one.

Oh, man! What happened to your leg?

Nothing.

Nothing? You have a bone sticking out!

Dont worry about it, okay? It happens all the time.

Are you just gonna stand there or are you gonna go get the other one?

I think we can make it out to that road,

if you help me, okay?

What?

You just pull gun on me and my ex-friend,

and now youre asking me for help?

Look.

That guy, hes got asthma.

Alright he wont make it two feet without wheezing.

Please listen to me. Your ex-

Your friend My ex-friend.

Oh my God, your fat friend.

Ex-friends.

Will outrun him.

Please, please.

Just help me get to a hospital,

and I will help you get to your audition.

Audition?

Yes, audition.

Stand up!

God your strong. Okay.

Good evening.

Hello little deary! What are you doing out here at this time at night? And all alone.

You are alone, right?

Yes.

Oh perfect!

I mean, why dont you come on in?

Come in, little deary.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

Did you see that?

How sexy wind made me?

I didnt even try.

Sorry. I must have missed it.

How could you miss sexy like Marilyn Monroe.

Stop!

Oh, I can not believe you just stopped for this vag bag.

I told you I was with a woman one time

just to see what it was like and I would never do it again, honey.

Dont you honey me, slut.

Sammy, look at her.

Shes obviously in trouble, looking like

Lindsay Lohan dressed up like Marilyn Monroe,

after she was found dead.

Dolboeb!

Hey girl,

you should not be out here dressed like that.

You obviously need help.

We need help.

Hes cute.

Cute?

Look at his leg, OMG!

Oh my God, his bones pointing at me.

Oh, you would like his bone to point at you, now wouldnt you Sammy?

We have to help him.

No, no, no. Yes.

I am not getting that on my upholstery.

Stevie, Stevie... we have to help them!

We have to help them. No way.

Go back. And you think hes cute.

We sacrifice!

We sacrifice! in unison

By the strength of Acaat!

A cat? What cat?

To honor Hunab Ku!

We Sacrifice!

Sacrifice? No! Why?

Would someone gag her?

Please!

Why would you sacrifice me? I havent done anything.

Its not about what youve done deary,

its about what the Mayan gods will do.

We were going out

to find a sacrifice to protect ourselves

from the devastation and the disasters predicted by the Mayan calendar

that ended in 2012.

But 2012 came and there was no disaster.

Do not interrupt me!!

Besides

if 2012 came and went as you say,

why would the gods deliver

a perfect sacrifice to our door step?

Oh deary dont worry.

Its just a little blood letting and decapitation.

That man needs our help!

And you think hes cute?

Yeah hes cute!

You have the audacity to get on to me about the one time I was with a woman

and then tell me you think another man is cute?

No, no way.

Im definitely not going back!

Go back now.

Speed it up.

By the strength of a cat!

What? What?

Sammy?

OMG

That tire is fucked!

Maybe I can blow some air back into it.

Fuck!

Generics.

Sammy!

Maybe someone can help us in there.

In that creepy old house?

I have an idea.

You go over there and see if anybody can help us,

and Im gonna try to blow some air back into that tire.

S...S...Stevie...

By the strength of Acaat.

To honor Hunab Ku.

Hunab Ku!

Oh I dont know, I kinda like it with this whole antebellum architectural flare.

Oh get off it Stevie, this house is neo-eclective and you know it.

doorbell rings

door knocking

Michael Angelos Statue of David.

Cellulite.

Would somneone get the door?

door knocking

Hello.

See Stevie, this is karma because you didnt help that cute guy on the road.

Could you tell me again just how cute he is?

Im gonna call the police.

And he was real cute.

Slut.

He must have thought you were cute too,

with the way he was popping that nasty little boner at you.

Oh this is my kind of party. Hey!

Im right here Sammie!

Nine-one-one, whats the nature of your emergency?

Help!

This is not my kind of party!

What kind of kinky stuff is this?

This is your fault, Stevie!

This isnt just karma, its karmageddon!

Do something! Theyre going to kill us!

I want my mommy!

I wish my daddy loved me!

screaming

Shut up!

We sacrifice!

Hey, ese!

What you doin with that señorita?

Are you serious right now, holmes?

You lookin to have a fiesta where youre the pinata fool?

Baby bye bye bye. Bye bye!

That was awesome!

I cant believe that fool thought we were gangsters.

Jesus! That pinata line--brilliant!

Up top.

Why dont you back up man.

Are you okay?

Im Jesus, this is Jesse, Jorge, and Carlos.

Im Jesse. Im Carlos.

I mean, Im Jorge.

Really, you dont know your name?

Were the next big boy-band:

The Hombres.

No man! I dont like that name.

The Front Road Fellas!

Nah, nah thats too derivative.

We should be called For Her Ears Only.

What do yall think? Cool?

Hell no.

But thats gonna discount our male friends.

Were still working on the name, you know?

Bubble gum, boys?

Yeah! The bubble gum boys.

The Bubble Gum Boys?

The Bubble Gum Boys.

We are The Bubble Gum Boys!

cheering

Hey put that gun down.

Put that gun in the glove box with the rest of them.

Yeah, youre right. Quit pointing it!

Idiot.

Thats your homeboy. Thats your son, man.

Need a ride?

Please,

promise

youll get me to the hospital.

Ill hold my promise.

You promise?

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Freeze!

What are you doing in here?

This is a private residence, officers.

Did we just bust in on an orgy?

This is going to be one of those privacy of your own home cases.

No. The broken down car in front,

nine-one-one call, cell phone on porch.

We had reasonable cause, right?

I dont know,

but Im not gonna stand in front a judge on that one again.

Youve got that one right.

Maam were sorry to interrupt. You have a lovely, lovely home.

Continue with your orgy.

mumbling through gag

Oh, just to make sure,

everyone in here is a consenting adult, right?

Oh, certainly, yes.

Good, okay.

We are not consenting; theyre going to sacrifice us!

Shut up!

Freeze!

This is a religious act,

officers.

Separation of church and state.

Does that include human sacrifices?

Shes confusing me.

I dont know.

I dont either.

Wish wed paid more attention in training.

You got that right.

If you like,

I can show you our 501k paperwork

to prove were all in legitimate, non-profit status.

What you think?

I dont know. You know my answer.

Okay, okay. Okay great.

Thats all we need.

Sorry to interrupt your religious act.

What?

mumbling through gags

Have a good night.

We sacrifice!!

door knocks

Oh!! What now!!

Its just us again. Sorry to interrupt.

But its our protocol to take someone back to our captain back to the station.

If its not too much trouble of course.

Why dont you give me this one, right here,

and keep the other two for your religious act.

Fine!

Sorry to bother you.

Happy sacrificing.

You are not dying ok?

Youre not dying.

Ive lost a lot of blood.

I cant feel my face. No, you can feel your face.

You cant feel your face. You are not dying.

Hes dead.

Sorry.

You promised me.

I will take you to hospital, And you will take me to my audition!

I will take you to hospital! and you will take me to my audition!

You promise me.

You lied to me.

You promise me.

I have audition to go.

Now that card could have this whole country bankrupt in a month,

and you lost the only lead to retrieving it!

Are you kidding me?

No!

Right.

A Russian girl, with no I.D.,

that you think is somewhere in the city.

Come on now.

Weve got APBs out for her and the two girls she arrived with.

We contacted the Russian embassy, are running TV ads... also..

Yes ! What do you got?

Would you do something about him?

Hes a hand full.

You want another partner?

Great! Fantastic!

Sir! A Russian girl claiming to be Natasha Zaitseva--

I dont know how to say her last name.

But she dropped the dead body off of a Herman Muehler at Cedars-Sinai.

Shes leaving a trail of dead bodies.

What is this girl, a preying mantis or what?

We got her!

Yeah! We got her! We got her!

sings We got her!

Enough! Alex get him off my desk.

If you ever do that again,

Ill have your fricking badge.

You let her go!

Dont you stop anybody from bringing in dead bodies?

In an accidental death?

Accidental?

Accidental?

Accidental?

Come here!

Hes has a femur sticking out of his leg!

Thats not accidental!

Actually, thats not a femur.

shushes

Well I know where Natalia Zaitseva went.

You do?

Thank you.

Thank you.

You can go now.

Dont push me!

Ill push if I want to!

Now get out of here!

Why didnt you say anything? to nurse

Um, Ive been trying to.

She was hysterical out of her mind.

They tranqued her and sent her to the mental ward.

Mental ward?

Crazy people?

Thank you.

Alex, lets go! We are going to the mental ward

where the crazy people are.

Maybe well find room for you.

Working with you, Ill shoot in my head cheff.

Who are you?

Im Doctor Paxton,

but you can call me Doctor.

Or sir.

Or Sir Doctor.

Take a deep breath.

Silly me.

You do this so many times in a day and you get ahead of yourself.

Now take a deep breath.

Where am I?

The examination room.

Just as I feared.

Were going to have to do an enema.

Bend over.

Paxton!

What did I tell you about messing with new patients?

Time to take your medication.

Meds?

Medication.

No. Im not taking meds.

You want to do this the hard way, huh?

Oh you gonna take this medication today.

Do you understand me? You gonna take this medication!

We need to discuss my fee.

Get away from me, Paxton!

Did you save your pills for me?

Under the tongue? In your cheeks?

Oh come on! People pay good money for those pills.

Hi.

You want to get out of here?

Yes! shushes

Im busting out.

You can come with me.

When?

Now.

singing Girl I wanna be with you.

clapping Woo!

Thank you.

Im Jesus, this is Jesse, Jorge, and Carlos.

Were the Bubble Gum Boys.

Why dont you go up there and do a number for us?

Yeah, come on.

You got this.

You sure.

Yeah, were sure. Were sure.

Okay.

Yeah! clapping

I got the bag.

Give me the mask, give me the guns, were gonna get this money.

Were gonna to go to Mexico. Yeah, were serious.

What is the bag for?

Hey, this time dont bitch out, alright.

Im being serious. Come on, lets do this.

Brenda! What is going on here?

Let her up.

I apologize for the rude awakening.

You should sue! Im Graham Paxton, attorney at law.

If you dont win, I dont get paid.

Call the number on your screen now!

Come here, you!

Why am I here?

You had a dangerous and acute mental episode brought on by extreme stress and depression.

You were placed here for your own protection.

If you would officially check yourself in, we would like to examine you further.

I have been examined enough.

And where my dress?

Its in the enfermery.

This way.

One bra, red.

One dress, black.

A pair of panties, red.

A pair of heels. Beige, predominately.

One card, black.

You can change in there. When you finished leave the gown here outside. A cab will meet you outside to take you to any destination within L.A. County.

You let her go?

Get off my desk, please.

Ill get off your desk?

This is what Ill get off your desk!

Ill get this off your desk. This off your desk.

This. This.

Does no one pay any attention to APBs?

This is what Im talking about Alex!

Were supposed to be on the same team!

We are on the same team. No!

Yes. Yes. We are on the same team. No. No. No.

Thank you for your time, Dr. Dickens.

Same team Alex! The same team! Yeah same team.

You dont understand!

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Anya, Lalya, we...

I made it.

Lalya rapping

Is that what they call music?

Oh fuck me!

continuous rapping

Uhm, I dont think rap is your style.

I think I got a better idea.

I think we should pick a slower song.

Maybe, uhm, this one?

Got it? Yeah.

That girl needs Jesus in her life.

Shes whack. Seriously, eh.

Alright, eh, were gonna do this shit alright?

piano plays

We want the money and the tip jar. Come on.

What are you waiting for?

singing

startled

Im Batman.

I can see it.

Mommy, can I take a picture with Marilyn Monroe please?

Oh sure honey!

Lets go. Lets take a picture.

Excuse me? Yes?

Is this you?

Natalia Zaitseva is wanted by the FBI for questioning in a double murder

Oh my God, Yes.

Yeah. Oh my God.

Look at this. Its me.

Im already famous.

I cant believe it.

Excuse me. Its not me.

Yeah.

This is probably some mistake.

Put your phone down. Put your phone down.

Its not me. I said its not me.

Your feet are so small.

Natasha Za-stammering

How do you pronounce your last name?

Zaitseva.

Search her.

Guys, this is stupid.

You put your masks on in the bar. We all saw your faces.

You announced your names after you sang karaoke.

Jesse, Jesus, Jorge,

George. Im Jesus!

Whatever

Ok, ok, ok...

I got something.

The card! Yes!

What?

What are you doing? Ow!

singing

Hey Georgy,

you forgot your bag.

Were the bubblegum boys.

Were still working on a name, you know.

Can I get another pint?

You must have got something from them.

Nothing!

They were just here at the wrong time at the wrong place.

They were pawns!

Naive girls, here for some audition.

Beautiful Russia Girl Number One.

What?

Beautiful Russia Girl Number One.

knocking

Sir, you told me to report as soon as I finished the analytics on the card.

Yeah?

Well, I finished the analytics on the card.

Yeah, and?

Well, first of all, Ive never seen anything like it, its brilliant!

Whenever you buy something with it--and you can buy anything you want, theres no limit-

-it draws funds directly from the U.S. Treasury at an exponentially growing rate,

-it draws funds directly from the U.S. Treasury at an exponentially growing rate, but it does so using an evolving algorithm,

but it does so using an evolving algorithm,

so two dollars could become two thousand dollars or even two hundred thousand dollars,

and then it routes that money through a series, a web of bank accounts.

These are average, innocent citizens bank accounts, you know,

These are average, innocent citizens bank accounts, you know, from lower and middle class people all the way up to millionaires and billionaires--

from lower and middle class people all the way up to millionaires and billionaires--

withdrawing money here, depositing money there--

A the end of the day, somebody could wake up and find theyve moved up from the lowerclass to the upper class overnight,

or a millionaire could discover hes broke!

But in the end, huge pools of U.S. money from

each transaction on the card ends up in a completely disguised bank account, or accounts plural.

The only chance of finding them is spending money on the card, inputting the original algorithm from the card,

and monitoring the U.S. Treasury and banks throughout the nation,

knowing the variables of what was spent of course, visible account activity, etcetera,

and try to solve for the unknown variables, but thats risky;

this card could bankrupt the whole country in like a week.

Did either of you just understand what he just said?

Did he even breathe during all that?

Basically, whenever you use the card, it steals money from the Treasury,

scrambles the money through bank accounts throughout the country,

and drops it in an untraceable account.

Now with the card, we have a chance of discovering where the money goes,

but risk bankrupting the whole country in a week.

Thats essentially right.

Ah you know what? There is a tracking device in the card

that I may or may not have triggered when scanning it

So using the card would most likely draw out the account, or accounts plural,

holder in an attempt to retrieve the card.

But, I mean, thats also a risky plan, its like,

a trillion dollars could just vanish like that!

Oh my God, this card is brilliant.

So we use our newly acquired pawns to draw out our criminal.

So uhh...

Give the girls back the card.

Sir, I dont think thats a--

Shut up, Edwards! You chatter too much.

Alright.

Anya!

Natasha.

I thought you two were friends.

Youll have to pretend that youre friends because you have a new job,

working for the FBI.

A job?

Yes. A job is--

I know what job means.

Really? Then why did you ask?

What kind of job?

Going on a shopping spree.

For safe keeping.

Beauty salon please.

Most expensive one.

For two dresses?

These two can bankrupt the whole country in a week!

This was a bad idea.

Lets go!

Jorges cousin just took over Estudios Mexicana.

Theyre looking for actors to turn into big stars.

Especially those who know how to sing and dance.

So weve been casing that bar for months to get the money to go down there.

With that voice, you done become an overnight success.

You gotta come with us.

Im supposed to go to audition tonight.

Were not really asking.

You have to come with us.

Oh...

Well, I dont go to audition anyway.

Why not?

Because I do not like what it does to my friendships.

But I dont want to go Mexico alone.

Alone?

Everythings about connections.

Forget this town, everythings bottled up.

We got the connections that will make you a world famous singer in Mexico.

Come on lets just go! You know you want to roll!

OK.

Im in.

But I have one request....

Girlfriend, youre with us now!

Do you think all girls here pretend to be Beautiful Russia Girl Number One?

Lets narrow down the competition.

Excuse me where the bar is?

I think is over there.

Thank you.

Okay.

Youre our last two for tonight so lets get this going.

What are you doing?

This how Americans say hello.

Stop it.

Where are yall from?

Russia.

Really?

Where is she going? I dont know.

Actually, I am from Russia too.

Of course you are. I love the accent.

How long you been in L.A.?

We came for this audition.

Wait wait wait..

You came all the way from Russia

for this audition?

Actually, I would like to audition for Beautiful Russia Girl #2.

clapping

Weve done seen enough.

You got the looks, you got the voice.

They want us.

They want us!

Thatll be nine hundred fifty dollars and youre both in the film.

We pay you?

Yeah, this is the way things work in Hollywood nowadays.

Its called crowd funding.

Its investing in yourself.

laughs

You also get a producers credit.

Its a scam.

No, no, no. Its not a scam.

Weve had the most success weve had today, than any other day.

I know. Its like every girl who came in here was drunk.

Yeah.

Bottom line, we dont need you to make this movie.

But if you want to be a part, nine hundred fifty dollars.

It is scam!

Fine. Were done for the night.

Thank you for your time.

Wait, wait please.

Oh, youre in?

Oh, wow. There we go. Lets get that.

Thank you.

Alright, well that will be 950 dollars each.

Comes to 1900 total.

Russian woman one and two or Russian woman one and one?

One and two.

There you go.

Alright ladies , welcome to Hollywood!

gunshots screaming

I believe that card belongs to me.

Scam, scam, scam!

screaming

gunshots

gunshot screaming

FBI! Freeze!

No pulse.

Stand down. All clear.

Ladies. You done good.

Your English is not so good.

You didnt do that good.

Natasha.

How does it feel to have a dream?

I didnt have a dream.

It was all scam.

But you didnt know that at first.

Yeah, for a moment, you were cast in a movie

after going on a shopping spree on Rodeo Drive.

Yes, How did that feel?

It felt good.

But it wasnt worth losing Lalya over.

Well I dont know about Lalya, but at least you didnt lose Anya.

Yeah, youre right.

Friendship can make it through a lot

Get your hands off my head!

What do you think this is?

A bank meltdown today had people all over the U.S. seeing fluctuations in their bank account balances.

It is estimated that it will cost the nation just over a trillion dollars in bailouts.

Many worry the governments Chinese creditors will call the U.S. on its debt.

A trillion dollars?

Do you think this is gonna come down on us?

Come on!

Are you friends with Lalya Saratova?

Uh, yes?

Come with me.

Anya! He found Lalya! Lets go!

screaming

Whats up, bitches?

screams

Lalya!

Hey.

See you around.

So, where are we?

Me-me-me-Mexico.

Thats good girl.

I had enough of this Hollywood and United States.

I think we helped to make it a province of China anyway.

Where we going?

Estudios Mexicano.

I have so much to tell you.

It is off the hook.

Woo!

Do you know how to drive now?

I learned.

Sorry.