Original subtitles

I’d like to report an act of public indecency on Truro Road.

Two males in a vehicle,

registration Golf Uniform six-five Echo Papa Juliet.

Hello?

You’ve found Ash’s car?

Subtitles by explosiveskull

DAD

- Oh! - Give me back my phone!

You're welcome!

- Finally! - Why do we have to meet so early?

Because you didn’t answer your phone at all last night.

Look, we’ve got a problem. Will’s gone, okay?

He doesn’t want the money.

- Are you listening to me? - Yes.

I can’t get this D-lock off and I don’t want to have my bike stolen.

By who? There’s no one around.

You never know who’s going to be lurking, do you?

So, Will didn’t want the money?

No. Reckons he can get more.

Says he’s gonna tell everyone everything and fuck me over.

All right. Well, I mean...

It’s good he didn’t want the money.

We have to leave the country.

What?

For how long?

For good. We’re looking at spending the rest of our lives in prison.

Oh, Hanging Gardens of Babylon!

- Keep it down! - I’m sorry.

Things were just getting back on track at work and...

Annette and I, we were...

we were going to start trying in the bedroom again.

Sex.

But now I have to abandon her.

Look, I don’t wanna leave either.

I was about to dump Becca.

I was finally getting on with my parents.

And Linda asked me out for a drink.

And now...

- we have to leave ASAP. - Yes.

I’m all packed. You should do the same.

And we need all of that drug money.

Where do you think we’ll go?

I don’t know.

Spain?

Perhaps we can pretend that we’re father and son.

And your beautiful red-headed mother,

she died in a tragic fishing accident when you were seven.

At first the local authorities pointed the finger at me...

Look, shall we just...? Let’s just meet at Paddington, two hours, yeah?

- Yeah. - Is that enough time?

Enough time?

Ha! On this thing?

You bet your bottom dollar, kiddo.

See you in a minute.

Ah!

Last time I saw you was when we...

You know, the...

When you got hit by that car.

Oh, pardon me.

What the fuck was Will going on about? He said you fell out a window.

- Fucking hell! - Where did that come from?

Morning, Miss West. Thank you so much for calling me.

No problem. I was hoping to talk to Daniel today,

but he didn’t show up. I want him for the launch.

The launch?

The Live A Great Life campaign.

Linda’s found a fun run coming up, so let’s piggy-back on that.

- Give the runners free bracelets. - Right...

I must’ve missed that meeting.

I thought Daniel would be there with you.

No, he’s not. Linda’s the only one from We Cover to show up.

Oh, hi, Michael. It’s such a beautiful day.

I mean, I’m the only one that’s come in today.

I gave everyone the day off so that they could attend your father’s funeral. Look.

Michael, everyone hated him.

Oh, don’t worry. Michael.

I’m sure you’ll have lots of staff members at your funeral.

Thank you, Linda.

Well, can I say, Miss West,

that it actually breaks my heart that I can’t be there today.

I’m sure, but his will specifically states

that you were not to attend the funeral if it was on a workday.

- Oh, God. - Oh.

- It’s happening. - Earth to earth...

- Michael, I gotta go. - ...ashes to ashes...

Goodbye, Mr. West.

Sorry I couldn’t be there in person, but...

know I’m here,

steadying your ship.

Passport, check.

Drug money, check.

Caught you red-handed!

Well, what have you got to say for yourself?

I can explain. I was forced into it.

I didn’t mean to do anybody any harm.

I know you didn’t, Iain,

but St Frederick's has a strict no bicycles policy.

Yes. Yes, of course it does. I’ll take it outside immediately.

I know that there are bicycle thieves everywhere,

but it’s about impression, isn’t it?

Especially as I’m putting your name forward to become...

a partner.

A partner?

- Here at St Frederick's? - You’ve really impressed me of late.

Complete 180. And that should be reflected in your position here.

Wow!

Ah, Sherry, I... I don’t know what to say.

Well, that’s evident.

Now, get that bike moved, would you?

It can’t be kept indoors.

Not even by partners, eh?

Yes.

Yes, partners.

DAD

MICHAEL

PREGNANT

Morning, Dr. Glennis.

YOUR FATHER IS AT THE OFFICE. I THINK HE MAY BE DRUNK.

Fuck’s sake!

Fucking mess!

Um...

Annette, I didn’t realize.

I was tricked. Um...

Tell her the truth, Iain. Stop lying.

Is drug dealing a crime?

Then I’m guilty.

Annette, I did it for you, so you could have a better life.

So we could have a better life.

Join that country club.

Hello!

Who is it?

It’s Vanessa. Your work said you called in sick.

Er...

Er...

Yeah.

I’ve got food poisoning.

Sorry. Um, Look,

would... would you just please be honest with me?

Were you...

Were you sleeping with Ash?

- What? - They found his car a few roads from here.

Well, he was probably coming over to see Daniel.

Daniel wasn’t here. He was on the news from his office that day, remember?

And it’s not just that.

- Ash’s phone. - Well, what about his phone?

I unlocked it

and I saw a message...

For fuck’s sake!

Son, I’m sorry.

I don’t know what to do. I... I’ve made a terrible mess.

What's happened?

Well, as far as I can gather, your father has decided to...

to leave your mother.

- What? - I had to.

- We weren’t meant to be together. - I’m so sorry, son.

Why are you doing this?

You’ve got to live life, Daniel.

Grab it by the balls.

- You taught me that. - No, I didn’t.

- I’ve never said that. - With your cancer.

It just showed me how little time we have here.

And your bravery...

You inspired me. Like Douglas Bader.

MUM: HAVE YOU HEARD FROM YOUR DAD?

You haven’t told Mum yet.

She thinks I’m at the Steam Museum in Brentford.

Oh, that’s a great family day out.

Look, have you been drinking, Dad?

- Oh, some whisky, a couple of Pernods. - Oh, God.

- I’m so sorry. - And you drove here?

I hate for you to see me like this,

especially with you having cancer.

Mr. Glass, speaking as somebody

who’s recently been evicted by his wife,

can I say I think you need to fight for your marriage.

Yeah. Yeah, he’s right.

Look, I’m gonna drive you back home to Mum.

It’s not too late to fix this. You are not leaving her.

You’re not driving my car. Not after what happened last time.

Just calm down.

I’m gonna get you a glass of water. Michael, can you look after him?

Daniel, it’s Dr. Iain Glennis.

I was cycling to the station by my house when...

Yeah, okay. I’m gonna be a little bit late. I had to come to work.

- I’ve seen your friend. - Who? Will?

Yes, he’s in a You-Ber.

A You-Ber? What’s a You-Ber?

A You-Ber. One of the internet taxi things.

Oh, an Uber.

- Okay, where’s he going now? - I don’t know.

I’ve lost him. We are quite close to the We Cover offices.

He just walked in.

Yes. I’m on my way.

His face...

- It's fine. - Good!

You know, your dad was always trying to get me to come here for meetings.

Huh! I’ll bet.

- So you’re selling it? - Yes, I’m selling everything.

His property, his erotic art,

the company...

- What will you do with the money? - I’m expanding the sanctuary.

I really wanna take in more orphan gorillas.

And I’m adding a pool.

Oh, do gorillas like swimming?

No.

But I do.

Oh, wow! Mr. West met Nelson Mandela?

Yeah, he didn’t realize he campaigned vigorously for his imprisonment.

That’s funny.

Can you come to the garage?

Wowee!

Yeah, it’s a shame he didn’t die 15 years ago

while his porn collection was still worth something.

I’m auctioning everything.

- Well, I can help you list it all. - Really?

Yeah, I’d love to. I love looking through other people’s junk.

Thank you. That would be fantastic.

- Okay, well, I’ll see you in a bit. - Yeah. I’m on it.

Thank you, Linda.

You’re an angel.

Aww!

Okay, I’ll see you soon. Good luck in here.

Can you believe my dad had leather sheets?

I mean, it’s just disgusting.

Wash your hands before you come in the house.

What are you doing here? Where's your mask?

Which office is Katerina West’s?

Accent? You’re not even American. Who the fuck are you?

You lied to me.

Wow! Unbelievable.

- No, don’t go in there. - Where is she?

- Sorry, who are you? - Katerina West. Where is she?

I am not at liberty to divulge that information.

She may be at Brentford Steam Museum.

Well, no, she’s at the funeral.

Oh, yes. Dear Daddy’s funeral.

Please, can we just sit down and just talk about this?

I’m done talking with you, back-stabber. Fuck you.

Do not swear at my son.

If only you knew what a lying piece of shit your son really is.

You can’t trust anything that comes out of his mouth.

And to think I thought we’d be best friends.

- Wanker! - How dare you!

- Dad! - Ow!

- Oh, sorry! - Michael, are you all right?

I’m fine, I’m fine. It was an honest mistake.

It’s your word against mine!

Actually, Daniel, it’s your word against you!

Dad, I need your car keys now.

Keys? Keys, er...

They’ve gone.

That bastard must’ve stolen them.

For fuck’s sake!

WILL GOING TO STEAL TOYOTA RAV4 WITH CHRISTIAN FISH. STOP HIM!

But it could be anywhere!

Oh!

Bless you, Lord.

Cutting someone’s brakes... Right. Um...

One, two, three, four...

You’d think they’d make it easier to cut someone’s brakes!

Oh!

Ah!

Oh, please...

Oh, Lord in heaven,

hallowed be...

hallowed be...

Oh, thank you, Lord.

Where are we going?

We’re getting your car keys back.

Keys? Oh, well, but they’re here.

What? Oh, for fuck’s sake!

- They were in my trousers. Silly me! - Oh, God!

- 0770900... - What’s going on?

I’m back on his tail.

Are you okay?

No, I’m really sick.

- Oh. - Please forgive the smell.

So, um... you said something about a message.

Yes. I saw a message from you to Ash and I think...

I saw the word "cock."

Oh! Um...

I remember.

It was... it was before... I knew Daniel had cancer

and I was dumping him,

so I texted Ash for some advice and...

and I called Daniel a cock.

Of course!

I’m so sorry. I’m just all over the place right now. I...

You don’t need to apologize.

So, where’s the phone now?

Oh, well, I got so excited that I’d unlocked it

that I dropped it down the toilet.

Oh, my God, Vanessa!

The internet says I’ve got to leave it in rice for three days to dry it out

and even then it might be fucked.

Right. Well... let’s hope it’s not.

Oh, God, there’s more.

- Drive carefully, son. - I will!

I’ve driven a lot since then, okay?

No crashes. We’ll be fine.

Oh! Hello?

- Where are you? - Right on his tail.

He didn’t steal the Rav.

He took another You-Ber.

I know. He’s headed to Kenny West’s house.

Number 57 Goldhanger Road, just off the A307.

Right, I’ll get there before him.

All the smoothies and exercise are certainly paying off.

I’m barely breaking a sweat.

Okay, what are you gonna do?

I’m going to stop him.

Er, yeah, but how?

Well, if I can cut a man’s brakes, I’m pretty sure I can bash his brains in.

Sorry, what did you... what did you do?

When you said he’d stolen the keys to the Rav 4 with the Christian fish,

I got to it before he did. I snipped the brakes.

You cut the brakes?

Yes, yes. I cut the brakes.

I’m not proud of it, Daniel,

- but it was him or us. - Fuck!

I know it’s a high-pressure environment,

but please don’t use that word.

- No, no, Daniel, slow down. - Fuck!

Can you not use that word, Daniel?

Daniel, what the hell are you doing? Slow down!

You fucking idiot!

Daniel?

Daniel?

Hello?

If he talks to me like that again,

I’ll cut his bloody brakes!

- Hello. - What the fuck?

- Hey, chill out, chill out! - Chill out? Who the fuck are you?

The gate was open, the door was open...

You’re Kenny’s daughter, right?

Are you from We Cover?

In a way.

There’s something I need to tell you.

I know Kenny’s house is around here somewhere.

Now, did he say Goldacre Lane or Goldacre Road?

Goldacre Lane’s 137 miles away. So it must be...

here, I suspect.

Argh!

Daniel doesn’t have cancer.

That’s insane! Who pretends to have cancer?

Daniel.

The poster boy for your daddy’s company is a fake.

Right. Anything else you wanna tell me?

9/11 was an inside job?

Donald Trump won the popular vote? I mean, come on.

I have evidence.

It’s only for six months, okay?

And then everyone will think I’ve beat it.

And then I'll get my life back on track

and no one will ever know

I faked cancer.

When Daniel began to confide in me, I started recording our conversations.

What do you want?

- Money. - I don’t have any!

Oh, fuck off! Look at this place. You’ll get millions for it.

Uh-uh. All that money is going to charity.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, Little Miss Trust Fund’s monkey hotel.

Look, I’m not greedy, okay?

I just want 100 grand and then I’ll be out of your hair.

Right, and how do I know you’re gonna stop at that?

Well, you don’t.

But if people find out that Daniel’s been faking it,

then We Cover will be finished.

And you...

you can’t afford to take that chance.

No. I can’t do that to my gorillas.

Fuck your gorillas!

It is what it is. It is what it is...

Okay.

So, for 100 grand...

you’ll disappear?

Off the face of the earth.

Motherfucker!

Oh, God.

Not again.

It is what it is...

I know you’re the size of a lentil,

but try and kick once if you’re Daniel’s

or twice if you’re Ash’s.

Hi, Mrs. Glass.

Becca, they’ve had an accident!

They? Who?

Daniel and Gordon.

I knew he shouldn’t have got in the car with him. He’s cursed.

Wait, what?

My Gordon, my Simon...

You mean Daniel?

Daniel.

Subtitles by explosiveskull