All language subtitles for scrubs.s08e13.My Full Moon.eng

Hey, Robyn. It's good to see you again.

Now, according to your chart,
your hair's been falling out,

your nails are splitting
and you're fatigued.

Robyn, you're a zombie.

Hmm. Patient also grumpy
and not responding to classic comedy.

It's just a little hard to find the funny
when you're 32, single and balding.

Point taken.

Look, we're going to figure this out,
okay?

And you don't worry,
if you need me, I will be here all night.

- So you're working tonight, too?
- Yeah.

Yeah, I'm the on-call
surgical attending.

I kind of signed up because J.D.
Was supposed to be working with me.

I'm covering for him.
He and Sam went on a little trip to...

You know what, it's not important.

Oh! No, no, no, no, no.
Finish your thought.

I didn't want to be the one
to tell you this.

Kim had a medical conference
in Anaheim,

and so J.D. Went
and took Sam to Disneyland.

That's impossible,
because he and I swore to each other

that since neither one of us
has ever been to Disneyland,

that we would go for
our 40th birthday together.

What do you want me to say?

I want you to tell me
he's not at Disneyland right now,

- can you tell me that?
- No.

You know what? Adults move on,
and that's what I'm doing right now.

I'm moving on. How do you
wanna handle tonight's workload?

- Okay, I was thinking...
- I can't do it, Elliot!

You know, I tried.
I tried, but it hurts too bad.

It hurts me deep right here. It hurts me.
I can feel it in my chest!

That man went to Disneyland
without me.

They got roller coasters
that roller coaster in the dark, okay?

You don't know
where the turns are coming from.

They got the Finding Nemo ride
where you ride around with Nemo

and it's a ride! A ride with Nemo.

Okay, tonight's going to be great.

My co-pilot here
is a blubbering man-child

and the interns have been here
just long enough

that they think
they know what they're doing.

We totally saved
that patient's life up there.

Cancer's our bitch.

No one does a Foley cath
like Howie Gelder.

Oh! Yeah! Up high!

Okay, I'm not going to get mad
because you're new.

But I'm kind of
the high-fiver around here.

From now on, you're only allowed
to high-five when I'm not here.

"Are we clear" five?

You may hit that
because I'm instigating.

Now get the hell out of here.

Dr. Turk. I put that central line
on Mr. Phelphs for you.

So, next time
you give me an assignment,

can you make it something
that's a challenge?

Okay, next time I'll...

Make sure you do.

Yeah, that's my surgical intern.

He's been here less time than
everyone else and that's how he acts.

- You know what we should do?
- Hmm?

We should scare the hell out of them.

Full moon tonight, guys.
You wanna know what that means?

Means it's gonna get
fricking crazy up in here.

Buckle up for some nasty stuff.

I'm talking nightmares
that you cannot un-see.

During my first full-moon shift,
psych patient, Tony Belmont,

bit off his own tongue
and threw it at me.

We couldn't re-attach the sucker,
so I tossed it into that very Hazmat bin.

Later that night, we heard a sound
coming from in there.

So we open up the lid very, very slowly,

and inside is Mr. Belmont
holding his own tongue.

Do you want to know
what he said to me?

He said...

Yes! Nailed them. Give it up.

Guys, high-fiving?

I feel like I've been
more than clear about this.

It won't happen again, Todd. Promise.

You're my friends, so I hope not.

"I'm sorry" five?

- Still.
- Still.

I can't do this all on my own

No, I know

I'm no Superman

I'm no Superman

All right, Robyn, here's the deal.
The last time you were here

all your health issues were
from malnourishment.

And now, a year later,

you're nine pounds lighter
than you were at your lowest weight.

But you know what's weird?
I really have been eating.

Okay. I'm going to have you talk
to a specialist named Dr. Paulson.

He's on his way.

Why are you having her
talk to the staff shrink?

Because she's anorexic, Turk.

You know, I have a complicated
psychological issue, too.

Mrs. Powell,
your gallbladder surgery went terrific,

however, I can't discharge you
until I'm sure your pipes are working.

And since you said it's impossible
for you to go "number two"

outside of your house due to the fact
that you're a nervous poo-er...

I feel you, sister.

I'm gonna have to ask you to pass gas.

Excuse me?

You know.

- I don't do that.
- Women fart.

- You know, we should probably go.
- I know they do.

'Cause I have a wife and a daughter
and they both fart.

And she farts and I've smelled it before.

- Sorry. I'm sorry. Turk. Enough.
- Smells like hotdogs.

Okay, guys, the full moon is upon us.

It's only 8:30,
we already have 10 new admissions,

so let's stay sharp.

Remember, nights like this
are why you got into medicine.

Sunny, I'm gonna need you
to get the lady in bed six to fart.

- I'm on it.
- Why don't you just pull her finger?

Howie, did you just make a joke?

I did, and it felt great.

Good for you.

And as a reward for the effort,
you get the gentleman in bed three.

He poisoned himself.
We need to know what he took. Go.

Gone.

Hey, my pneumonia patient,
Mrs. Emmitt,

is presenting with a crapload of fluid
in her left lung.

"Crapload" really isn't a technical term.

Fine. "Bucketload."

Is she being sassy? Because I love it.

More than Space Mountain?

Why, Elliot? I just forgot about it.

Oh!

Derek, can you get Denise's patient
a thoracentesis

and get that fluid out of there?

Surgery to the rescue.
You are welcome.

Aw! That's adorable.
You have a crush on yourself.

I'd be careful,
the guy you're in love with is a douche.

- Where's Katie?
- Dr. Turk,

I've been doing post-op
on your hand surgery patient, Mr. Gold.

He says he can't feel anything
in his arms from his elbows up.

Now, I've been doing research for hours

and I think it's either radiculopathy
or a brachial plexus injury.

Or...

Ow!

He's lying. Patients do that.
Katie, a word, please?

Look, that man is homeless
and not all there.

You see his bandages?

It means he's been chewing
at his sutures.

I'm probably gonna
have to strap him down.

I can find another way
to make him stop.

Suit yourself. If he messes up
my handiwork, it's on you.

Hi, Mr. Gold, can you do me a favor
and stop chewing on your hands?

Pass.

I had to talk to that shrink for an hour.
Dr. Reid, I am not anorexic.

You've lost weight, you're anemic,
your pre-albumin is low.

I mean, all symptoms point to it.

Well, who are you going to believe,
me or that stupid chart?

Robyn, I'm a doctor.
We believe everything on the charts.

That's why I write
"Elliot has a slamming tushie"

on every single one. See? Right here.

Okay. I keep making jokes
at all the wrong times, don't I?

Look, I know that this is hard...

It's only hard because it isn't true.
I've been eating.

But you've already made up your mind,
haven't you?

Mrs. Powell, it's not your fault
you don't want to pass gas.

It's society's.

I mean, guys have always
been allowed to do it.

There's no shame for them.

But if a girl lets out
even a little squeaker, she's a freak.

So, come on, for women everywhere.

Let's do it together
on the count of three.

One, two, three.

Oh! You didn't do it.

Neither did you.

There's people around.

Hi, Mr. Swick. I'm Dr. Gelder.
You know what?

I'm going to grab a chart
that doesn't say

"Elliot has a slamming tushie" on it.

Much better. Now, Mr. Swick.
Nope, look, this one's got it, too.

Is her butt that nice?

It's okay for a white chick.

Now, I want you to tell me
how you poisoned yourself.

- I can't.
- Why not?

Because you're not my doctor.
You may sound like him,

and you look exactly like him,
but you're not him.

Excuse me.

All right. Thanks, Dr. Paulson.

So, the staff shrink says that
Mr. Swick has Capgras Syndrome.

It's a brain disorder.

Basically, it means he thinks
everyone in his life

has been replaced
by an identical impostor.

That's wicked cool.

I know, dude!

If we sent the twins from radiology
in there his brain would explode.

But still, I think it's more important that
we try and figure out what he ingested,

you know, so he doesn't die.

Yeah. Fine.

Hey, Katie. How's it going?

Doing great over here.

It's hard to believe that we were interns
eight years ago, you know?

What?

Oh! Sorry, my patient, Robyn,
sort of got into my head,

so I'm just looking over
her case history.

Yeah, that's crazy boring to me,
so you know what I'm going to do?

I'm gonna just continue
my conversation.

All the signs point to anorexia.

Do you like being a doctor?

Maybe I just wanna believe her.

I love being a doctor.

It's not like all of those other jobs
where you just sit on your ass all day.

You actually get to do things.

Okay, Mrs. Emmitt, there's going to be
a little discomfort from the needle,

but not too much.
Prepare to witness perfection.

Did you really just say that?

I also like that doctors
get to think on their feet.

Mr. Swick, I want to commend you
for not disclosing

what you ingested before,
because, well,

you were actually talking
to my imposter.

I knew it!

And I'm impressed
'cause the differences are subtle.

You see, his voice sounds like this.
And my voice sounds like this.

I heard it.

Anyway, why don't you just tell me
what you took before he comes back?

Yes! I tricked his ass!
Someone give me some!

Look, I came from home
because I couldn't sleep.

Howie, I've decided
I am not comfortable

with you giving high-fives,
even when I'm not here.

But I just totally nailed a diagnosis.

The fact that I'm not making
a tremendous sex joke right now

about who or what I nailed tonight
should tell you how serious I am.

You know what?
I'm spending so much time

focusing on Robyn's past
that I'm prejudicing myself.

I mean, if I just looked at her
admission form from this morning,

"Young woman who has undergone
a drastic weight loss

"even though she says
she's been eating,"

well, I'd know exactly what to look for.

Handle your business.
I'll go check on the interns.

Katie, no!

- But it works.
- I said no. He's human.

- Do we got blast-off yet?
- Nothing yet.

Give me some good news, man.
I need a win.

He overdosed on acetaminophen.

- There we go.
- Boo-yah.

Hey, Derek,
everything all good in here?

You know it!

But I'm getting some bubbles
coming out with the fluid.

- Is that supposed to happen?
- No.

Step back, please. Thank you.

Mrs. Emmitt,
I'm gonna need you to hold still.

You might have a collapsed lung.

Quick,
tell him that's impossible

because you're the greatest doctor
in the world.

The troops are one for four.
How's it going over here?

Not great. Robyn is HIV positive.

That sucks.

Yeah.

When she wakes up I have to tell her.

Elliot, maybe it won't be so bad.

You know,
we made a lot of headway with HIV.

It's not a death sentence anymore.

Check out Mr. Maller over here.
He found out he was HIV positive today.

All right, admittedly,
he's not psyched about that,

he's actually watching sports
on his computer.

- Oh!
- Yeah. Elliot, my point is,

maybe it won't be that hard
telling Robyn she has the Hivvie.

Hivvie?

I heard somebody say it
and I thought it was kind of cool.

It sounds like a dance
the kids do nowadays, you know.

Do the Hivvie
Do the Hivvie

Do the Hivvie
Do the Hivvie

Like this?

- Do the Hivvie
- Do the Hivvie

Break it down.

- Do the Hivvie
- Do the Hivvie

There it is. Do the...

I like it when you do the Hivvie.

We should not do the Hivvie!

Okay.

Do the Hivvie
Do the Hivvie

Mrs. Emmitt,
we can't drain the fluid in your chest

until we repair your collapsed lung.

How did I get a collapsed lung?

That happened when I tried
to drain the fluid. I'm sorry.

Okay, but when it's fixed,

I want the procedure to be done
by a real doctor.

So how long is it before
you become a real doctor? Is it soon?

Back off, okay?

Oh! Come on! When you act all hurt
it ruins all the fun for me!

Anything?

No.

Mrs. Powell, when I was a kid,

my mom used to tell me
that farts were demons

that were crawling around in your belly,
and if I ever let one out

it would give my grandma cancer.
So, I know what you're going through.

But let me tell you the real issue here.

The number one killer in hospitals
is infection.

And since you just underwent surgery,
you're very susceptible.

We need to get you out of here,

but we can't until you do it,
so it's up to you.

I'm so sorry
we have to strap your arms down.

Please know I'm just trying to help.

Hey, Katie.

I can't really talk right now.

Looks like someone got her
first face-spitting.

See, there's lots of things to hate
about being a doctor.

I mean, for starters,
no woman looks good in scrubs,

but guys do, it's unfair.

Plus, malpractice insurance,
bad hours...

Yeah, but at least you guys in medicine
get to figure stuff out.

You know, you were like a detective
with your HIV patient.

Surgeons, all we do is cut and sew.

Sometimes I feel like
a glorified mechanic.

Yeah.

Well, the spleen's shot to hell.
I'm gonna have to remove it.

While I'm in there, I might as well
get that gall-bladder, too.

I mean, you could leave it in there,

but you're just gonna be back here
in a couple months.

To be honest with you, I ain't too great
with those Japanese models.

I'd look good in a jumpsuit.

If you're going to fantasize like J.D.,

you have to talk like him
when you come out of it.

I'd look good in it. In a jumpsuit.

- Better.
- Thank you.

I got to tell you what else I don't like
about being a doctor. The patients.

I mean, sometimes they're great.

But sometimes, like you said,
they just lie through their teeth.

I need you to guzzle this Mucomyst

to counteract the effects
of the acetaminophen overdose.

It wasn't acetaminophen.

There was a guy in here before
pretending to be you,

so I lied to him to throw him off the trail.

Dude, you're killing me.

I think the only way
I got through my first year here

was leaning on the people around me.

You know how you found Carla
and I found J. D?

Do you ever think
how weird it would have been

if you and I had found each other?

Elliot, you're very cute.
But your booty is really tiny.

I don't know what I would do
with that thing.

You could start by smacking it.

And secondly,
if we were in a committed relationship,

I'd have gained, like,
30 to 40 pounds for you.

- Really?
- No.

Still, this place could have used
some jungle fever.

You know, the whole white doctor,
black surgeon thing.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Why is this happening?

That whole pathetic, no self-esteem
thing you have going on right now?

I'm really vibing that.
That's why I used to date fat guys.

You know, the reason
why I work on my body so much now is

'cause I was kind of a heavy kid.

- How heavy?
- 260.

Oh! God.

You know, we're acting all nostalgic,
but we're barely in our thirties.

I mean, we could still do
anything we want with our lives.

You think we'll both be doctors forever?

Dr. Reid? Your patient Robyn is up.

Great. Here goes.

Also, I got Mr. Swick to admit
he actually ate fertilizer.

How'd you do that?

I may have given him a little slap.

You'll do fine here.

- Dr. Turk! It's done!
- Yeah.

Just, with me being a guy,
I have to ask this question.

What did it smell like?

Thirty years of repression.
And hotdogs.

Good job.

I'm HIV positive?

You were right, it's not anorexia.

Wow, that's a huge victory for me.

Look, I know it's scary to
even be talking about the "Hivvie."

- The what?
- I'm sorry.

Forget it, I'm just really nervous.

Look, the point is
HIV is very treatable now.

Okay, this does not have
to ruin your life.

So I should just stay positive?

Definitely.

Because even though I really want
to get married and have kids,

this will probably
make it easier to find someone.

No.

Don't try to make this okay.

This is not okay.

This is the worst thing
that's ever going to happen to me

in my entire life,
and you're here to see it.

So, you need to find a way
to handle it better.

'Cause I get to handle it however I want.

Okay. Do you want me to shut up?

Do you want me to leave?

No.

Hardly enough
for all the trouble

And hardly enough to get it right

Here. Sorry about that guy
spitting in your face.

Thanks, Howie.

You smell horrible.

I showered three times and I can't get
Mrs. Powell's stink off me.

It's in my hair.

Where have you two been?

- Nowhere. We weren't anywhere.
- Nowhere. Around.

What smells?

I'm going to go take a bath
in tomato juice.

Look at that.

They have no idea
what's ahead of them.

You know,
I never answered your question earlier,

about whether you and I
would always be doctors.

You will.

You have this amazing ability
to find joy in everything you do.

Thank you.

Whether it's, like, an operation
you've done 100 times,

or even teaching.

All right, Derek, the trick to this

is to get the needle
right between the ribs, okay?

Watch. Like so.

And like so. You wanna get it for me?

But as for me?

I know you think it was a big victory

figuring out
what was wrong with Robyn.

But those moments are kind of
like eating a piece of chocolate.

I enjoy the satisfaction

for about 10 seconds
and then it's gone.

See, the thing that sticks with me
is the anguish on a patient's face

when I give them crappy news.
I hold on to that forever.

You're a surgeon,
you occasionally get to fix people.

I figure out
what's wrong with someone,

and then most of the time
I can't do anything about it.

I just wish them luck dealing with it,

or try to keep them alive
for a while longer.

So, you wanna know
if I'll always be a doctor?

I'd have to say, "I don't know."

I'm a doctor now. I will be tomorrow.

But I can tell you that
if I'm ever lucky enough to get married,

to have some kids,
to maybe not need the money,

I think I'd walk out of here
and never look back.

But how am I supposed
to express my joy?

Dude, you got to find your own thing.

I'd tell you to do the low arm-pump,
but Dr. Fordham owns that.

Here's the coffee you wanted.

Yeah!

Deb, relax. It's just coffee.

Don't tell her there's donuts
in the break room.

We have donuts?

Yeah!

Anyway.