All language subtitles for scrubs.s08e09.My Absence.eng

Hello. If it's all right with everyone,

I'd like to begin this morning's rounds
with a joke. Denise.

Mmm, I don't really have one.

No, I meant that you were the joke.

Good one.

Thanks. I thought of it this morning
while I was watching you

try to jam a catheter into Mr. Hazleton.

Yeah. He was a screamer.

Ya, ya.

What's your name?

I'm Sonja,
but everybody calls me Sunny.

Is it because of your haunting
resemblance to Sonny Bono?

- Who's that?
- Moving on to our next patient.

Mr. Francone has been in a coma
for well over a year.

His organs are starting to fail

and he probably won't be with us
very much longer.

The most important thing to remember
during his final hours here on Earth is,

do not ever come to me
and ask me questions

about how to treat him. He's a potato.

If you do,
my answer will always be the same.

Sour cream, chives, and,
if I haven't had any protein that day,

maybe just a sprinkling
of some of those bacon bits.

Oh, my God. His hand, it moved!

Kidding.

The man's a potato.

Dr. Reid, no offense,
but have you been drinking?

Oh, no. I read that shampooing
with beer is good for your hair.

So, I'm all sudsed up
in the shower this morning

and the hot water dies.

So, now I've got to spend the entire day
smelling like a brewery

because there's no way that
I'm going to rinse off with ice water.

See, this dress
only works without a bra,

so if I get cold,
it looks like I'm smuggling candy corns.

Hi, Peggy. This is Dr. Mahoney.

She's going to help me
take care of you.

- What's that smell?
- It's my hair, okay?

Peggy's got a touch of pneumonia,
but she's gonna pull through.

I wish my husband was here.
He passed away several months ago.

- That sucks.
- It totally sucks.

We were together for 53 years.

I'm sorry, Peggy, is it cold in here?
'Cause it just feels a little freezing.

I'm just gonna get a sweatshirt.

I don't know, just hearing about
how much that old patient

missed her husband
made me think of you.

And a deep, wet tongue-kiss
right back at you.

- Was that J. D?
- No, it's my dad.

- Of course it was J.D.
- Oh, that's good.

That old broad and her dead husband
got my engine revving, too.

I need some action.

Luckily, Cheeseburger Day at the caf
really brings out the fatties.

Denise likes the big fellas.

Oh, check out the ripples
on that gentleman.

Oh, it's like somebody
threw a boulder in a pond.

Fat dudes rule.

They never expect commitment
and they try so hard in the sack.

Plus, they're just so grateful afterwards.

Hmm. Well, I'm just gonna
put this out here for bait

and see what ambles out of the forest.

Gooch! I forgot to tell you
I have a girlfriend now.

Stephanie Gooch, this is Elliot.

And this is some girl who digs fat guys.

Come on, Gooch.

There's like 75 other people
you haven't met

who don't believe you exist.

Hey, Miguel, this is the girlfriend
and she is real. In your face.

Baby. Baby. Baby.

Baby, I was pulling
some dude's spleen out today,

and check it,
the blood splashed on my scrubs,

looks like a tiger.

Why is that part a different color?

I might have used chocolate pudding
to do the tail.

That's awesome, Turk,
but I have to tell you something.

- What's that?
- I'm pregnant.

What? I knew it!

Because these past couple of months,
your butt's been like, pow!

It's only been two weeks.

Baby, this is big news,
and I want to talk to you about it. I do.

First, I've got to go to the bathroom.

It's too soon, so don't tell anyone.

Why would you even think
I would do something like that?

J. D! I've got news!

J. D! Where are you, friend?

- You seen J. D?
- No. I have not.

Would you like to know why?
He isn't coming in today.

He's on a mini-vacation.
And it isn't just today,

he's not coming in tomorrow.
Which, by the way, is my day off.

But not anymore.

I'm coming in early and I'm staying late
because life is too darn short

to spend the day
bonding with my family

when I could be roaming the halls
of this hospital

without the possibility of running into
that bearded hug-monster

you call a best friend.

Sorry I took so long, honey.
The line was long.

Uh-huh.

- How'd J.D. Take the news?
- He's not here today.

I can't believe you.

Yeah, right.
Like you weren't just telling Elliot.

Well, I wasn't. Because when I say
something is between us as a couple,

it stays between us.

I'm sorry.

I gotta go. Congratulations.

All right.

- Have the internal...
- Test results... The bleeding and...

Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah.

Yay! Yay! Yay!

I can't do this all on my own

No, I know

I'm no Superman

I'm no Superman

Baby, it's not fair.

You told Elliot
and got that huge, excited reaction.

I deserve to get that from someone, too.

- One person.
- One person. Thank you.

Hey, Elliot, let me tell J.D.
About the baby.

Already did it.

J.D.: Anyway, tell Turk that's
great news about his baby.

That's it?

J.D.: Elliot, why would you put me
on speaker without telling me?

- You...
- J.D.: Turk! I'm so excited for you.

- Too little too late, buddy!
- J.D.: Turk!

I don't want to talk to you, J.D.

- J.D.: Turk!
- No.

- J.D.: Turk!
- Not here.

J.D.: Elliot. Is Turk still there?

No. He's gone.

J.D.: Good, because let's face it,
everybody's having babies.

- It's getting a little boring.
- Dude.

J.D.: Elliot! Take me off speaker!

I'm trying.

Stupid technology.

See you soon.

Dr. Cox! Two quick things.

First off, I looked up
a picture of Sonny Bono

and my feelings are very, very hurt.

- Noted.
- Apology accepted.

Second, I know we aren't supposed to
ask you about Mr. Francone...

- Huh?
- The potato.

Right.

See, the thing is,
his sister just called from London,

and she was hoping we could keep
Mr. Francone, the potato,

alive until she got here.
Can you please help?

Let me see his chart.

I'll tell you what to do first.
Go ahead and write this down.

Okay.

Wrap him in foil
and poke holes in him with a fork

- so he cooks all the way through.
- Come on.

Sunshine, I have neither the inclination
nor the time

to care about people who I cannot help.

If you're looking for someone
whose heartstrings you can tug, well...

There's your gal. She cares.

In fact, it's her only real fault.

Look at her over there.
She's caring right now.

Go. Go. Go. Go.

Actually, yeah, Dr. Cox is here.

J.D.: God help me, I could sense it.
Put me in his pocket.

- J.D. I'm...
- Elliot, please, I want this.

I miss my boyfriend so much.

If he were here,
I might actually lick his face.

Thank you, Dr. Appropriate.

Peggy, I'm going to have a quick chat
with these two, okay, sweetie?

Thanks, Bob.

Send Peggy for an ABG and a chest CT.

And, when you're done,
send her sputum for atypicals.

Dr. Kelso, you do realize
that you don't work here anymore?

Look, her husband was an old friend.

Plus, I have forgotten
more about medicine

than you two will ever know.

I don't know you, but I assume
I have you beat because you're blonde

and you're rolling
with Dr. Reeks-of-Beer.

It's my hair, okay?

Yeah, and watch the lip, grandpa.

'Cause you wouldn't be
the first old man I ever beat up.

I like her.
She's got girl balls.

J.D.: Ah, I love listening to you work.

Come on, admit it.
You miss me as much as I miss you.

There you go, Dorian,
that's what I think of you as a person.

I hope you enjoyed it. Here, you.

I didn't hear it all,
but that sounded harsh.

- Are you okay?
- J.D.: No.

Hey, Teddy.

Carla said I could tell something
to just one person, so here goes.

Carla and I are having a baby!

- Oh, great.
- What were you doing?

What the hell is the matter
with you people?

Carla and I are having a baby!

No, you're having a second baby.

It's not that big a deal.

When we had ours,
we barely told anybody.

You had a second kid?

Little girl. You held her in your arms.

Mazel tov to you both.

Can't a brother get
at least a mazel tov?

Gooch and I are going to hold off
on the babies.

We've only known each other a week.

Plus, with all the cycling,

apparently I've done
a real number on my sperm.

Mine don't have any tails.

They're just kind of blobs
that roll from place to place.

Oh, hey, everybody, I'll tell you someone
who just did have their first baby.

Witman, up in Radiology.

- Come on!
- I love Witman.

No. Witman's not even here.

Hey, Nurse Espinosa, Carla.
Look, I know you're not working tonight,

but I was hoping you could stay and
help me keep my coma patient alive

until his sister gets here.

What do you say,
a little coffee and girl talk?

- It might be fun.
- Hmm.

Anyway, Dr. Cox said
that you were the one I should ask.

He did, did he?

Hi.

Oh.

So.
Can you stay and help me out tonight?

I'll see what I can do.

Yay!

Dial it down.

Yay!

You eating lunch?

What gave it away?

J.D. And I usually eat lunch together.

Oh, God, here it comes.

J.D. Was sitting in that exact chair
when we had our third kiss.

Oh, that's very romantic.

I will try not to
drill any more farts into it.

I just feel like something's been
weighing me down all day.

I mean, sure, I was in the x-ray room
a couple of hours ago

and when I left I totally forgot
to take off the lead vest,

but it's off now
and the weight's still there.

I mean, it's not as bad,
but it's pretty bad.

It just sucks, you know?

I don't see how it could get any worse.

I don't understand how this happened.
She just went like that.

Hey, Dr. Turk.
What are you working on?

I'm signing a death certificate
for a kid who passed away...

Good for you.

Hey, listen, were you one of the people
who didn't believe I had a girlfriend?

Because, bam! There she is.

Wow. She's too cute for you, Ted.

Right? Spread the word.
Stephanie, this is Dr. Turk.

- Hey.
- How's it going?

It's pretty good.
I'm having a baby, you know?

Is this your first?

Why, yes, it is.

That is so awesome! Congratulations.

That's what I was looking for! Wow.

I want to know everything.
Do you want to talk about it?

Gooch, let's go talk about it!
See, how it happened was...

Good night, Dr. Cox.

Isn't Carla staying to help you out?

She said she had things to do.

But that's okay,
I know I haven't been a doctor long,

but I'm great at placing IVs and,
you know, giving pills to people,

so I should be fine.

Oh.

Oh, good. You're gone, too.

Peggy was a sweet old bird.

She only had pneumonia.

She and her husband were together
for 50 years.

Sometimes, in those cases,
it's not the illness that gets you.

I mean, your soul mate's gone,
and your body just gives up.

I actually think it's kind of sweet.

I don't know, if I ever get married

and my husband dies before me...

I'm sure that I'll have enough
going on in my own life

that I'll want to keep on living,
you know?

Well, that's just some quality crap
you're spewing there.

You've been moping around here
all day

just because Dorian's been gone,
what, 12 hours?

And I'm guessing you didn't hear
a word I just said

because you're busy
looking at your telephone

to see if he has texted you
in the last five minutes. Did he?

Yes. "Thinking of you." See?

There's the smile, you see?

You're no different from Peggy.

What are you saying? That if J.D. Died,
I would just die right afterwards?

Well, I could only hope.

But my point is,

don't stand there
being judgmental about her

when you're no different.

What are you doing here?

Well, I think the better question is
what are you doing here?

I live here.

That's not the better question.
It's the worse question.

Why aren't you at the hospital
helping cheery, annoying intern?

I had stuff to do.

What gives you the right
to give me a hard time?

Why aren't you at the hospital
helping Sunny?

Because I don't give a damn
about terminal coma patients or interns.

I get to not give a damn
because I know that you always will.

I mean, give me a break, Carla.

Tell me the last time
that you ever walked off on a patient.

The guy's been in a coma for a year!
Okay? He's an eggplant.

Okay, first of all, he's not an eggplant.
He's a potato.

And secondly,
that's something I would say, not you.

You used to care so much
about this stuff.

Remember? What happened to you?

Oh.

It's always good to slam a door
right about now.

Hey, Sunny, how did it go last night?

- Great!
- Thank God.

I mean, he crashed a few times,
but I brought him back.

I mean, really,
the only scary moment was

when he seized while I was
injecting him with dopamine.

The needle slipped and
I accidentally stabbed myself with it.

But I only freaked out for a second
until I remembered

that comas aren't contagious,
and then the dopamine kicked in,

which actually made
the whole night more enjoyable.

But now I'm sort of jonesing
for another hit. Is that bad?

Let's go downstairs
and get you some juice.

Kelso's right.
J.D.'s gone and I'm miserable.

I used to be such a strong,
independent woman.

Did you know, once I actually changed
the oil in my car all by myself?

- Saved thirty bucks.
- Cool.

Yeah. Unfortunately, I dumped
the dirty old oil into a storm drain.

The Department of Fish and Wildlife
fined me 1,400 bucks

and declared me
an "enemy of the ocean,"

whatever the hell that means.

Hey, I know I usually write songs
for kids,

but I wrote a song for you.
Do you want to hear it?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

You knocked up your lady

Now you're having a baby

'Cause you're going to be
a first-time dad

People used to tell you
that your life was meant to

procreate a family of your own

Then you went and did it

'Cause you finally did it

Now you're going to have
your own Turk clone

There's a little baby
in your lady's soft womb

So just sit tight
and don't get out the vacuum

It's time to realize
that your life is gonna change soon

You'll be a dad
First time, first time!

You're a dad
First time, first time!

And remember

Did you tell her it was our first baby?

It's not your first?

Um, it's our first since our first.

Hey, Carla,
were you one of those people

who didn't believe I had a girlfriend?

Not now, Ted.

When Izzy's 15
and she's trying to decide

which one of us she likes better,
I'm so gonna use this.

What is your problem?

My husband's telling everybody
that I'm pregnant with our first child.

Carla, if you're going to get upset

every time your husband
does something stupid,

then you're going to be upset
every second of every minute,

every minute of every hour,
every hour of every day, every day...

Stop.

I was prepared to go to century.
But that's not why I'm here.

I know.
I left the poor intern alone last night.

I can't believe I did that.

I mean, don't get me wrong,
she did a great job.

Although, once she had a nightmare
that the coma patient woke up

and stabbed her,
she actually tied the patient to the bed,

which she probably
shouldn't have done.

But that's on me.
So go ahead, rub it in my face.

As much as I'm a huge fan of
a good old-fashioned face-rubbing,

I'm here to apologize.

J.D.: Apologize for what?
Elliot, slow down!

No, J.D., you're talking to me.

J.D.: Fine. You sound upset.
What's wrong?

I don't want to get into it.

J.D.: You know what I do
when I need to clear my head?

I just let my mind drift
and fantasize about stuff.

Yeah, I've noticed.

J. D?

J. D! You're fantasizing right now,
aren't you?

J.D.: That's why
you should never trust a camel.

Hey, man, I wanted to warn you.
Stay clear of my girlfriend.

The Gooch does not like being lied to!

I'm pretty sure I can handle it, Ted.

Why did you lie
about that being your first kid, anyway?

'Cause when Carla told me
about the new baby,

I didn't get
that crazy excited feeling I got

when I heard about Izzy. I'm an idiot.

Nah, it's just your second kid.

Look, I don't know if you noticed,

but I've been kind of jazzed
about this being my first girlfriend.

You know, it's new and exciting.

But, when she dumps me,
and, believe me,

it's coming like a freight train,
I'll try to find a new gal.

And if I do, it probably won't have

that initial excitement
that the first one did,

but that doesn't mean
it wouldn't be great.

'Cause, I mean, I'd be having
a second girlfriend. Yeah.

Does this have anything to do
with your situation?

- Kind of.
- Hey!

I know. We had a great ride.
Still friends?

- Not you, Ted.
- Still alive!

So help me, if you ever make me
look like a fool again,

I will bash your face in with this thing
until it is a million pieces. Are we clear?

- Crystal.
- Good.

Nope.

The Gooch does not like being lied to.

Whose room is this?

Kelso's dead friend.

Oh, yeah, that old biddy.

You see,
I never used to say stuff like that!

You know, death doesn't bother me
unless it's someone I know.

And even then, if it happens
in a funny way, like my cousin, who,

honest to God,
was flattened by a steam roller,

I still actually enjoy it.

I abandoned an intern who was just
trying to keep her patient alive

so his sister could say goodbye.

Look, sooner or later,
everybody in this place

stops caring about hopeless,
terminally-ill, brain-dead coma patients

and interns who want to save the world.

You somehow managed to hang on
quite a bit longer than the rest of us.

Carla, you are a wonderful nurse.

You got a husband. Plus you got a kid.
Plus you got another kid coming.

It was completely unfair of me
to expect more of you

than anyone else in this dump.

Now brace yourself,
because here it comes.

I, Percival Ulysses Cox, am sorry.

Ulysses?

Write your name and put it on my cast

So just call him already.
You know you want to.

No.
I don't want to end up being an old lady

who's so dependent on her partner
that she just croaks right after he does.

I wish I was emotionally healthy enough
to love someone so much

that I died after they did.
I was with that dude last night.

The only way I'm gonna die after him is

if he had a heart attack
while he was on top of me.

Crap, I just turned myself on. Rudy.

Upstairs.

God help me, I like that crazy bitch.

I thought it would be different
this time with J.D.

I didn't think
I'd let myself get so vulnerable.

Well, that's dumb.

Relationships are about taking
a leap of faith.

That's why it's called "jumping in."

Now, Dorian seems to make you happy,
God knows why. Isn't that enough?

You found another way
to get it back instead

J.D.: Hello?

Hey, I miss you.

J.D.: I get why it wigged you out.

At the end of the day,
relationships are tricky.

Please don't do that whole
philosophical, pontificating thing.

J.D.: Okay.

Fine, go ahead.

J.D.: Thanks. Things are always
different the second time around.

You are about to be a big sister, Izzy.
Yes, you are. Huh?

J.D.: You just have to remember that

even if things are changing
all around you,

deep down,
you're still the same person.

I guess.

Hey, Carla.
Can I talk to you for a second?

You know you're not supposed to be
working tonight, right?

Yeah, I know.

Sunny said the sister would be here
in about six hours, and

I'm not ready to let go
of that part of myself yet, you know?

Yes.

- Do you want to stay and help?
- No, I do not.

Goodnight, Ulysses.

If I believe it

Okay...

I will leave it

J.D.: Hi, Perry.

Probably checking your pockets
right now, but I'm not there.

See, I had Elliot hide me
somewhere in your office.

Now, while I've got you,

I thought we could discuss
our relationship.

It's had some ups
and it's had some downs.

I'm going to start
by passing out some gold stars.

The first one goes to you,
for your passion.

The next one goes to me,
for my compassion.

What I think we should do is
take passion and compassion...