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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,180 --> 00:00:00,700 I read this thing. 2 00:00:00,800 --> 00:00:02,900 It said that back in the 1800s, 3 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,220 women had so little standing in society 4 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:06,740 that if a woman murdered someone, 5 00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,460 they could arrest her husband, like it was his fault, 6 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:10,980 'cause they considered that in law 7 00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:12,980 she was literally incapable. 8 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:14,900 They thought women had no capacity for morals 9 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,540 or common sense or anything. 10 00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,096 Which meant the husband was responsible 11 00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:20,660 for everything she did. 12 00:00:20,760 --> 00:00:21,856 So, if the wife murdered someone, 13 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,540 her husband could be hanged. 14 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:24,500 Oh, don't give her ideas. 15 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:25,980 - I wish. - Lucy, tell your mum, 16 00:00:26,080 --> 00:00:27,416 don't get ideas now, I'm not safe. 17 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:28,220 As soon as you get there, 18 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,980 you bring that law back fast as you can. 19 00:00:30,080 --> 00:00:31,500 - I'll have a word. - Good boy. 20 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:32,976 Well, he's not the Lord bloody Chancellor. 21 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,336 He's gonna study the law, not make it. 22 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,620 Well, give him time. 23 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:38,980 No! Definition of a barrister is a servant of the law! 24 00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:40,856 He's leaving home to buckle down and work hard, 25 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:41,780 that's the point. 26 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:43,020 Oh, I meant to say, 27 00:00:43,120 --> 00:00:44,860 I'll go through your wardrobe next week. 28 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,720 There's stuff in there from when you were 12. 29 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:49,620 It can all go. 30 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,420 But just leave it, I'll sort it out when I come back. 31 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,020 Oh, that's not till Christmas. 32 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,320 Yeah, but I know where everything is. 33 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:00,780 Well, I won't go mad. 34 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:02,580 Anything nice I'll put to one side. 35 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,600 But I can move everything out and give it a good scrub. 36 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:08,140 All the corners. 37 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,220 Maybe even paint it. 38 00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,560 By the time you come back, it'll be like new. Hm. 39 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,280 I'll give you a call and let you know the number. 40 00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:32,020 I mean it. It's different on the mainland. 41 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:34,460 If you see something left on the bus or a tube, 42 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:37,880 anything left on its own, don't touch it, all right? 43 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:51,040 There's some things your mother didn't pack. 44 00:01:51,120 --> 00:01:53,260 I don't want you getting some girl in trouble. 45 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,060 But make sure they all get used. 46 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,800 Your mother's right, it is different on the mainland. 47 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:01,580 It's a lot more fun. 48 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:28,480 ♪ It feels like, it feels I'm in love ♪ 49 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,540 ♪ My knees shake ♪ 50 00:02:33,640 --> 00:02:37,360 ♪ My heart beats like a drum ♪ 51 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:43,220 So what's all that about then? 52 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:44,940 - How'd you mean? - Your dad. 53 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:46,880 Past week he's been picking you up every night. 54 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:48,296 Oh, he's working round the corner, 55 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:49,456 he likes going for a pint, that's all. 56 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:50,776 All right then. Well, have one for me, yeah? 57 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:51,580 Right, I'll see you tomorrow. 58 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:53,680 See ya. 59 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:07,460 Who's he? 60 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,340 That's not fair. I can't help working with men, can I? 61 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:48,340 Father, forgive my son, Roscoe. 62 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:52,460 He has fallen into the pit of sodomy. Save him, oh, Lord. 63 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,820 Uncle Basil's here. I warned you. 64 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,340 He's gonna take you home. 65 00:04:05,440 --> 00:04:09,140 Look, there's 120 quid, it's all I've got. 66 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,500 Just take it and go. 67 00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:11,660 But, go where? 68 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:12,500 I don't know. 69 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:13,976 You're the one with the secret little friends, aren't you? 70 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:14,900 Go to them, I don't care. 71 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,176 Uncle Basil can't take me out the country, 72 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,300 not if I say no. 73 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:18,220 If you cause trouble, 74 00:04:18,320 --> 00:04:21,740 he says the whole family can go back to Nigeria and I'm not! 75 00:04:21,840 --> 00:04:23,660 I won't! 76 00:04:23,760 --> 00:04:25,760 You're not gonna ruin my life too. 77 00:04:29,080 --> 00:04:32,320 Roscoe, if they send you back home, 78 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,840 they will beat you and bleed you. 79 00:04:38,760 --> 00:04:40,760 In the name of God, they will kill you. 80 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,840 And then they'll throw your body into the forest 81 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:45,920 and leave you for the animals. 82 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,360 You stupid little kid. 83 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,840 Uncle Basil's downstairs. 84 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,600 Just run. 85 00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,700 Run. 86 00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,580 It goes without saying, 87 00:05:01,680 --> 00:05:05,180 but if you need me to make the journey alongside you, 88 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,580 I would be more than happy. 89 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,680 It would be an honor. 90 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,500 That would help. Thank you. 91 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,460 Given the time of arrival, 92 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,900 some people choose to stay in Lagos for the first night, 93 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,580 but if you take my advice, 94 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,500 get him out of the city as fast as you can. 95 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,780 I can get you a car and a driver, it's easily done. 96 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:29,460 But that's an additional cost, on top of the rest. 97 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,500 The society would help, that's why they exist. 98 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,380 You fall, they catch you with open arms. 99 00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,300 But it could take months to heal the boy. 100 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,180 How do I cope with Oscar away and no money coming in? 101 00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:45,280 Again, the society's there. 102 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:47,860 We have anticipated everything. 103 00:05:50,240 --> 00:05:51,260 What is he doing? 104 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,180 Your son has the devil in him tonight, Rosa. 105 00:05:54,280 --> 00:05:55,740 That's exactly the problem. 106 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,340 What in the name of the Lord? 107 00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:03,380 I'm going now. 108 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,260 So thank you very much and if you need to forward any mail, 109 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:10,260 I'll be staying at 23 Piss Off Avenue, London W Fuck. 110 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,820 Thank you and goodbye. 111 00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:16,060 No! No, no! 112 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:20,620 Don't go! No, no! 113 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,180 Roscoe! Come back here! 114 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,020 ♪ My head is in a spin ♪ 115 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,940 ♪ My feet don't touch the ground ♪ 116 00:06:31,040 --> 00:06:33,980 Roscoe! Roscoe, come back here! 117 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,660 Roscoe! Come back here! 118 00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,940 If you leave now, you don't come back. 119 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:42,040 Roscoe! 120 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,070 ♪ It feels like ♪ 121 00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:47,710 Hello. 122 00:06:47,810 --> 00:06:48,866 Well, don't just stand there, 123 00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:51,090 in you come, that's a good lad. 124 00:06:55,770 --> 00:06:57,546 Now then, I went through everything with your mother, 125 00:06:57,570 --> 00:06:58,910 but first things first. 126 00:06:59,010 --> 00:07:01,150 There's the telephone and there's a jotter on the side 127 00:07:01,250 --> 00:07:02,910 so you can make a list of any calls. 128 00:07:03,010 --> 00:07:04,010 Just write the duration 129 00:07:04,050 --> 00:07:06,790 and whether it was before or after 6:00 p.m. 130 00:07:06,890 --> 00:07:09,390 Oh, that's the family, that's Mike and my lad, Ross. 131 00:07:09,490 --> 00:07:11,230 Colin's arrived, boys. 132 00:07:11,330 --> 00:07:13,910 We can all have a cup of tea once you've settled in. 133 00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:16,070 And breakfast is included. 134 00:07:16,170 --> 00:07:17,950 If you've got a radio or a tape deck, 135 00:07:18,050 --> 00:07:19,830 then not past 10:00 p.m. 136 00:07:19,930 --> 00:07:22,130 And it's a cheque every Friday morning. 137 00:07:23,450 --> 00:07:24,950 That's the inventory. 138 00:07:25,050 --> 00:07:27,750 And, obviously, no girls in the room. 139 00:07:27,850 --> 00:07:29,510 Goes without saying. 140 00:07:29,610 --> 00:07:30,950 It's nice though, isn't it? 141 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,250 Lovely. Thank you very much. 142 00:07:32,290 --> 00:07:34,290 Oh, and there's, "Lovely." How funny. 143 00:08:10,410 --> 00:08:12,350 I learn something new every day. 144 00:08:12,450 --> 00:08:14,530 I have to memorize all the Oxford and Cambridge ties, 145 00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:17,070 'cause all the different colleges have got a different tie. 146 00:08:17,170 --> 00:08:17,950 But I did it. 147 00:08:18,050 --> 00:08:19,306 Well, you've always had a good memory, 148 00:08:19,330 --> 00:08:20,830 I could have told them that. 149 00:08:20,930 --> 00:08:21,950 I remember you revising. 150 00:08:22,050 --> 00:08:24,550 You'd learn whole chapters off by heart. 151 00:08:24,650 --> 00:08:27,290 What's it like outside of work? Is it nice? 152 00:08:28,250 --> 00:08:29,990 - Yeah. - You making friends? 153 00:08:30,090 --> 00:08:31,090 Yeah. 154 00:08:31,130 --> 00:08:33,350 There now, lucky them, I say. 155 00:08:33,450 --> 00:08:35,270 What do you do, go for drinks? 156 00:08:35,370 --> 00:08:36,550 Yeah, sometimes. 157 00:08:36,650 --> 00:08:38,190 You going out tonight? 158 00:08:38,290 --> 00:08:39,290 Yeah. 159 00:08:39,370 --> 00:08:41,370 Oh, nice, where you off? 160 00:08:42,530 --> 00:08:44,350 I don't know, anywhere. 161 00:08:44,450 --> 00:08:47,030 There's a million pubs and things, we go all over, 162 00:08:47,130 --> 00:08:49,110 it's brilliant. 163 00:08:54,370 --> 00:08:57,030 Well, I'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye. 164 00:08:57,130 --> 00:08:58,590 And well done for today. 165 00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:00,750 Oh, it was all Mr. Coltrane's doing. 166 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:02,830 I don't think they stood a chance. 167 00:09:02,930 --> 00:09:04,190 Just doing my job, sir. 168 00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:06,950 Well, congratulations. 169 00:09:07,050 --> 00:09:11,030 Colin, if you could just stay behind. 170 00:09:13,610 --> 00:09:15,470 Take your jacket off. 171 00:09:15,570 --> 00:09:19,550 It's all about tiny little particles of cotton. 172 00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:21,790 They get under the fingernails, 173 00:09:21,890 --> 00:09:23,430 they can get into the bloodstream. 174 00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:25,950 Tiny little fibers, burrowing in. 175 00:09:26,050 --> 00:09:28,190 So, you've got to wash. 176 00:09:28,290 --> 00:09:32,390 At the end of every day, give yourself a good scrub. 177 00:09:32,490 --> 00:09:34,030 Fingernails, between the fingers. 178 00:09:34,130 --> 00:09:36,430 Don't forget the thumbs. 179 00:09:36,530 --> 00:09:39,710 Otherwise, all those fibers can get inside. 180 00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:41,810 Come on. 181 00:09:42,410 --> 00:09:43,630 Well, start washing. 182 00:09:43,730 --> 00:09:46,370 I want to see your technique. 183 00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:50,450 Fingernails and thumbs. 184 00:09:52,450 --> 00:09:54,190 Come here. 185 00:09:54,290 --> 00:09:57,090 All those tiny fibers, eliminate them. 186 00:09:57,970 --> 00:10:00,490 Every single dirty little bugger. 187 00:10:01,330 --> 00:10:03,670 Come on, take your shirt off. 188 00:10:03,770 --> 00:10:05,590 Come on, shirt off. 189 00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:07,690 Huh? 190 00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:14,070 You gotta take the arm and you've got to clean it. 191 00:10:14,170 --> 00:10:15,710 And clean it again. 192 00:10:15,810 --> 00:10:19,310 Got that, Colin? Clean it and clean it again. 193 00:10:19,410 --> 00:10:21,670 Clean it and clean it again. 194 00:10:21,770 --> 00:10:23,950 And clean it, and clean it again. 195 00:10:24,050 --> 00:10:26,150 Clean it, and clean it again! 196 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,790 And then under the arm. 197 00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:30,870 Sorry, 198 00:10:30,970 --> 00:10:32,746 I had that Penhaligon account going through my head, 199 00:10:32,770 --> 00:10:34,066 so I thought I'd do a little bit of homework 200 00:10:34,090 --> 00:10:35,230 if that's all right? 201 00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:38,750 I was teaching Colin cleanliness. 202 00:10:38,850 --> 00:10:40,230 Absolutely. 203 00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:42,070 Got that? 204 00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:43,910 Yes, sir. 205 00:10:44,010 --> 00:10:46,870 I'll see you two bright and early. 206 00:10:57,250 --> 00:10:59,110 If he says anything, 207 00:10:59,210 --> 00:11:02,270 if he even suggests little extramural activity, 208 00:11:02,370 --> 00:11:03,470 just give me the nod. 209 00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:05,630 I can always find ways to introduce his wife 210 00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:07,910 into the conversation. 211 00:11:08,010 --> 00:11:11,430 I've got to say, he does pick them very well. 212 00:11:11,530 --> 00:11:15,390 Mr. Hart does tend to know, if you see what I mean? 213 00:11:15,490 --> 00:11:16,990 Where are you from? 214 00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:19,550 Llangorse, it's in South Wales. 215 00:11:19,650 --> 00:11:21,730 I guessed it would be, you give that away slightly. 216 00:11:21,810 --> 00:11:23,510 But I don't suppose there's a girlfriend 217 00:11:23,610 --> 00:11:25,610 waiting back home in Wales, is there? 218 00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:28,430 Perhaps a boyfriend? 219 00:11:28,530 --> 00:11:30,110 No. 220 00:11:30,210 --> 00:11:32,850 But would there be? If you could? 221 00:11:35,210 --> 00:11:36,530 You don't have to worry about me. 222 00:11:36,570 --> 00:11:38,550 I'm not remotely interested. 223 00:11:38,650 --> 00:11:39,910 If you insist on asking, 224 00:11:40,010 --> 00:11:41,746 and really I can't get a word in edgeways with you, 225 00:11:41,770 --> 00:11:42,550 dear God. 226 00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:43,650 But I live in Hackney 227 00:11:43,690 --> 00:11:45,170 with a very nice man from the Algarve 228 00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:46,466 and we've been together for decades, 229 00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:49,450 so you're perfectly safe with me, Colin Morris Jones. 230 00:11:52,450 --> 00:11:54,950 Really though. Perfectly safe. 231 00:11:58,450 --> 00:12:00,230 So there isn't? 232 00:12:00,330 --> 00:12:02,230 A boyfriend? 233 00:12:02,330 --> 00:12:03,070 No. 234 00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,170 But you'd like there to be? 235 00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:08,690 Yes. 236 00:12:10,410 --> 00:12:12,650 Oh my, God. 237 00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:15,570 Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. 238 00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:18,770 Another pint for the bender, please! 239 00:12:32,490 --> 00:12:37,110 ♪ Sometimes I feel I've got to ♪ 240 00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:40,470 ♪ Run away, I've got to ♪ 241 00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:45,570 ♪ Get away from the pain you drive into the heart of me ♪ 242 00:12:45,930 --> 00:12:50,930 ♪ The love we share seems to go nowhere ♪ 243 00:12:52,130 --> 00:12:56,070 ♪ And I've lost my light ♪ 244 00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:19,150 So, the other day I was talking to my friend, 245 00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:22,190 and he said they found 41 men with this cancer thing 246 00:13:22,290 --> 00:13:24,830 and they all died at the same time in New York 247 00:13:24,930 --> 00:13:25,630 and they were all gay. 248 00:13:25,730 --> 00:13:27,230 What, they all died on the same day? 249 00:13:27,330 --> 00:13:28,346 Yeah, that's what it said, 250 00:13:28,370 --> 00:13:30,150 'cause my uncle lives in Brooklyn. 251 00:13:30,250 --> 00:13:35,250 He said all 41 had exactly the same cancer. 252 00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,450 What? 253 00:13:49,410 --> 00:13:50,150 His name's Ash. 254 00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,026 He's from Welwyn Garden City and he's a bender, 255 00:13:52,050 --> 00:13:52,870 so you're in with a chance. 256 00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:56,390 No, I was just looking at your class. 257 00:13:56,490 --> 00:13:58,030 It looked like fun. 258 00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,590 What are you, English and drama? 259 00:13:59,690 --> 00:14:00,690 Yeah, first year. 260 00:14:00,770 --> 00:14:02,770 'Cause I did plays at school. 261 00:14:03,770 --> 00:14:05,390 I loved it, I was quite good. 262 00:14:05,490 --> 00:14:07,490 I thought about doing drama for a while. 263 00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:11,110 I'm Ritchie, by the way. 264 00:14:11,210 --> 00:14:13,190 And I'm Jill. 265 00:14:13,290 --> 00:14:15,470 Do you wanna meet him then? Ash? 266 00:14:15,570 --> 00:14:18,470 I'm not, I wasn't, I was just literally looking. 267 00:14:18,570 --> 00:14:19,610 So, you're not gay then? 268 00:14:19,690 --> 00:14:20,990 No! 269 00:14:21,090 --> 00:14:22,470 Oh, my God, no! 270 00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:24,190 I'm more like bisexual really, 271 00:14:24,290 --> 00:14:26,590 'cause, you know, then you can fancy anyone in the room. 272 00:14:26,690 --> 00:14:29,750 Walk into a party, there's double the choice. 273 00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:32,030 Well, it's no good telling me, tell him. 274 00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:34,270 Ash! Over here. 275 00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:35,110 Say hello, don't be stupid, 276 00:14:35,210 --> 00:14:36,750 he's nice, he's sweet, he's funny. 277 00:14:36,850 --> 00:14:38,670 This is Ritchie, he says he's bisexual 278 00:14:38,770 --> 00:14:41,630 so he can have sex with you or me, so what do you wanna do? 279 00:14:41,730 --> 00:14:43,730 Wrestle for him? 280 00:14:44,810 --> 00:14:48,030 ♪ Until I learn to accept my ♪ 281 00:14:48,130 --> 00:14:50,870 ♪ I learn to accept my ♪ 282 00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:54,770 ♪ I learn to accept my reward ♪ 283 00:14:56,090 --> 00:14:58,090 You need a bit of a wash. 284 00:14:58,850 --> 00:15:00,110 I had a shower this morning. 285 00:15:00,210 --> 00:15:03,850 No, down there, your ass, you need a good wash, okay? 286 00:15:32,530 --> 00:15:34,270 Thanks for that. 287 00:15:34,370 --> 00:15:36,070 Sure. 288 00:15:36,170 --> 00:15:37,230 So, do you still want- 289 00:15:37,330 --> 00:15:39,310 - It's kind of gone now. 290 00:15:39,410 --> 00:15:42,850 - Yeah, that's all right. I have to get back anyway. 291 00:15:47,090 --> 00:15:48,270 Was that your first time? 292 00:15:48,370 --> 00:15:50,370 No. 293 00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:52,750 Did you think I was exotic? 294 00:15:52,850 --> 00:15:54,390 No. What does that mean? 295 00:15:54,490 --> 00:15:55,946 You're born and bred on the Isle of Wight. 296 00:15:55,970 --> 00:15:57,910 Do they have any Indians? 297 00:15:58,010 --> 00:15:59,070 There's like one family. 298 00:15:59,170 --> 00:16:01,110 Oh, my God. 299 00:16:01,210 --> 00:16:02,950 They live in Wootton Bridge. 300 00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:05,390 Every time we drive past them, my dad says, 301 00:16:05,490 --> 00:16:07,030 "There they are." 302 00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:09,850 Not being offensive, just, "There they are." 303 00:16:12,370 --> 00:16:13,190 So what's he say about you? 304 00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:15,290 Oh, my God, he doesn't know. 305 00:16:16,170 --> 00:16:17,510 They'd kill me. 306 00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:18,906 Both of them, they'd chuck me out. 307 00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:20,390 I'm not kidding. 308 00:16:20,490 --> 00:16:22,890 I have to sit there, not saying a word. 309 00:16:24,130 --> 00:16:25,150 Dreaming of Steve Austin. 310 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:28,790 Oh, God, yeah. 311 00:16:28,890 --> 00:16:30,890 Honestly, I'm so frustrated. 312 00:16:31,770 --> 00:16:33,830 I used to fancy Stretch Armstrong. 313 00:16:33,930 --> 00:16:36,150 I did. It's those little trunks. 314 00:16:36,250 --> 00:16:38,550 Did you see, they gave Stretch Armstrong a dog, 315 00:16:38,650 --> 00:16:39,770 he's called Fetch Armstrong. 316 00:16:39,810 --> 00:16:40,630 I saw that. 317 00:16:40,730 --> 00:16:42,066 I always thought Stretch Armstrong 318 00:16:42,090 --> 00:16:44,590 should have a dirty old uncle, Lech Armstrong. 319 00:16:44,690 --> 00:16:46,390 Lech, that's brilliant. 320 00:16:46,490 --> 00:16:47,910 It's good, isn't it? 321 00:16:48,010 --> 00:16:51,590 I did it with this guy, he was like a real Lech Armstrong. 322 00:16:51,690 --> 00:16:53,110 He was 37 years old. 323 00:16:53,210 --> 00:16:56,190 Oh, my God. Imagine telling your parents that? 324 00:16:56,290 --> 00:16:57,306 And it's even worse for you, 325 00:16:57,330 --> 00:16:59,030 coming from your background, you know? 326 00:16:59,130 --> 00:17:02,710 Like, with your parents. I mean, what are you, Hindus? 327 00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:04,710 You must be Hindus I suppose, is that right? 328 00:17:04,810 --> 00:17:07,550 Or Muslims? No, Hindus, you'll be Hindus. 329 00:17:07,650 --> 00:17:09,010 Are you? Or Muslims, no Buddhists. 330 00:17:09,050 --> 00:17:10,150 Are you Buddhists? 331 00:17:10,250 --> 00:17:11,390 No, it's Hindus, isn't it? 332 00:17:11,490 --> 00:17:13,110 Hindi, Hindu. Hindis? 333 00:17:13,210 --> 00:17:15,210 I'll see you around. 334 00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:30,310 Oh, my God, how did it go? 335 00:17:30,410 --> 00:17:31,670 I'm sorry. 336 00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:33,630 Daft sod. 337 00:17:45,530 --> 00:17:47,830 I was 18 years old and I got a job at Gatwick. 338 00:17:47,930 --> 00:17:52,390 I was a ramp agent and he was cabin crew with Iberia. 339 00:17:52,490 --> 00:17:53,790 He loved my job title. 340 00:17:53,890 --> 00:17:55,390 He used to say, "Are you rampagent?" 341 00:17:55,490 --> 00:17:57,066 and I would say, "Yes, I'm very rampagent", 342 00:17:57,090 --> 00:17:57,990 "thank you very much." 343 00:17:58,090 --> 00:17:59,470 Then that went on for a bit. 344 00:17:59,570 --> 00:18:02,190 And then one day, we got the train back 345 00:18:02,290 --> 00:18:05,590 to a little bedsit I had then and he walked me to the door 346 00:18:05,690 --> 00:18:09,090 and he stepped inside and then he never left. 347 00:18:10,770 --> 00:18:12,270 30 years ago. 348 00:18:13,770 --> 00:18:15,630 He'll undoubtedly try to be funny 349 00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:18,670 and he will say something blue, this is inevitable. 350 00:18:21,130 --> 00:18:23,890 Hello. Oh, this must be Colin. 351 00:18:25,490 --> 00:18:26,490 Excellent. 352 00:18:26,570 --> 00:18:29,630 You strip him naked and I'll shave his little bum 353 00:18:29,730 --> 00:18:32,470 and then I'm gonna use the clothes pegs. 354 00:18:32,570 --> 00:18:34,070 What did I say? 355 00:18:34,170 --> 00:18:35,710 First prize for predictability. 356 00:18:35,810 --> 00:18:37,070 Good evening, sexy legs. 357 00:18:37,170 --> 00:18:38,170 Hello. 358 00:18:39,610 --> 00:18:40,990 Come on in. Come on. 359 00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:44,590 If you think that's funny, wait, wait, wait, 360 00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:45,990 there's more, there's more. 361 00:18:46,090 --> 00:18:49,110 And I said, "Where do you think you're going, mister, huh?" 362 00:18:49,210 --> 00:18:52,030 And he turned round and you're never gonna guess what. 363 00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:54,670 - What? - It was the same man! 364 00:18:54,770 --> 00:18:56,950 Again! 365 00:18:57,050 --> 00:18:59,270 Mm! 366 00:18:59,370 --> 00:19:03,130 I liked it though. It was more fun when it was illegal. 367 00:19:04,050 --> 00:19:05,910 But, what about your neighbors? 368 00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:07,190 Do they know, about you? 369 00:19:07,290 --> 00:19:11,430 No. We are secret. 370 00:19:11,530 --> 00:19:14,910 When I leave the house, I dress like a lady. 371 00:19:15,010 --> 00:19:16,910 Stop it. 372 00:19:17,010 --> 00:19:19,110 They know. They've always known. 373 00:19:19,210 --> 00:19:19,950 Yeah. 374 00:19:20,050 --> 00:19:22,070 It's like the official history of the world 375 00:19:22,170 --> 00:19:23,386 says that men like us have always been 376 00:19:23,410 --> 00:19:24,590 hidden away in secret, 377 00:19:24,690 --> 00:19:27,590 but then there's the real world where we've been living, 378 00:19:27,690 --> 00:19:30,550 together, for all this time. 379 00:19:30,650 --> 00:19:32,650 What about your families? Do... 380 00:19:34,490 --> 00:19:36,490 Well, I've moved on from them. 381 00:19:37,490 --> 00:19:39,490 How do you mean? 382 00:19:40,890 --> 00:19:42,890 I've moved on. 383 00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:45,490 But my mother, she comes over. 384 00:19:46,690 --> 00:19:47,790 She doesn't ask. 385 00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:50,270 All these years, not a single question. 386 00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:52,950 There's only two bedrooms, she stays in the spare room, 387 00:19:53,050 --> 00:19:54,310 Henry's in with me. 388 00:19:54,410 --> 00:19:55,790 So what does she think? 389 00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:58,670 But, she says nothing. 390 00:19:58,770 --> 00:20:02,090 She loves him like I do, no problem at all. 391 00:20:03,730 --> 00:20:05,150 Right? 392 00:20:09,930 --> 00:20:11,516 Will you be in the room when I tell them? 393 00:20:11,540 --> 00:20:13,800 No, you've gotta do this on your own. 394 00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:17,060 Take a deep breath and tell 'em the truth. 395 00:20:23,260 --> 00:20:26,160 Here we are. It's not much. 396 00:20:26,260 --> 00:20:27,396 It's a bit rubbish round here. 397 00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:29,360 Shut up. It's nice. 398 00:20:29,460 --> 00:20:31,040 Thanks, Lucy. 399 00:20:31,140 --> 00:20:33,140 Have you locked it? 400 00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:41,960 Is she all right? 401 00:20:42,060 --> 00:20:44,320 Oh, she's always in a mood. 402 00:20:45,860 --> 00:20:49,600 Oh, who's that strange man in my house? 403 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:50,440 I don't know you. 404 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:51,840 Clive! Call the police! 405 00:20:51,940 --> 00:20:53,960 I made it. Merry Christmas. 406 00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:55,280 Oh, thanks. 407 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,940 Right. Oh, you must be Jill. 408 00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:02,720 He never said. Where are you from? 409 00:21:02,820 --> 00:21:04,400 Just outside Woking. 410 00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:08,760 But, originally, what's your, what's your, what's your 411 00:21:08,860 --> 00:21:09,860 heritage? 412 00:21:09,940 --> 00:21:12,300 My dad's from Dominica in the Caribbean. 413 00:21:14,020 --> 00:21:16,020 Well, it doesn't bother us. 414 00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,640 Flag of all nations in this house. 415 00:21:18,740 --> 00:21:20,100 Is there anything you don't eat? 416 00:21:20,140 --> 00:21:22,120 No, I'll be fine, thank you. 417 00:21:22,220 --> 00:21:24,360 - But, we do have rules. Separate bedrooms. 418 00:21:24,460 --> 00:21:26,200 Sorry, sunshine, but not under my roof. 419 00:21:26,300 --> 00:21:29,080 And I don't wanna hear any creaking floorboards at midnight, 420 00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:30,400 do you understand? 421 00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,280 I know all the tricks. 422 00:21:34,820 --> 00:21:39,280 ♪ We wish you a merry Christmas and a happy new year ♪ 423 00:21:39,380 --> 00:21:40,080 Right, no, you stay there. 424 00:21:40,180 --> 00:21:41,760 I'll clear up, I'll give these a rinse. 425 00:21:41,860 --> 00:21:43,380 Oh no, you sit down, you're a guest. 426 00:21:43,420 --> 00:21:46,160 I don't mind, honestly, Anne. Ritchie needs a word. 427 00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:48,260 Over to you. 428 00:21:48,660 --> 00:21:51,720 Well, what does that mean? Word about what? 429 00:21:51,820 --> 00:21:53,440 Oh, you're kidding me? 430 00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:55,440 Is this what I think it is? 431 00:21:55,540 --> 00:21:57,080 Like, she's not pregnant? 432 00:21:57,180 --> 00:21:58,000 No! 433 00:21:58,100 --> 00:22:01,120 Oh, thank God for that. Well, what is it then? 434 00:22:01,220 --> 00:22:02,520 Okay. 435 00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:05,540 So, thing is, I've been thinking, 436 00:22:06,580 --> 00:22:11,000 past few months, about my life and all sorts of things, 437 00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:14,460 so I've made a decision and I just wanna explain it to you. 438 00:22:20,140 --> 00:22:22,140 I'm not doing law. 439 00:22:22,660 --> 00:22:24,660 I'm changing to drama. 440 00:22:25,100 --> 00:22:25,800 It's drama with English 441 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:27,516 so, you know, there's proper academic work, 442 00:22:27,540 --> 00:22:31,280 but it's a drama course, really, and I think it's more me. 443 00:22:31,380 --> 00:22:32,760 Oh, you little idiot. 444 00:22:32,860 --> 00:22:34,360 No, but it's my choice 445 00:22:34,460 --> 00:22:36,320 and I'm sorry but that's what I'm doing. 446 00:22:36,420 --> 00:22:37,596 Well, I think you'll find you're not. 447 00:22:37,620 --> 00:22:38,620 It's already done. 448 00:22:38,700 --> 00:22:40,436 It's only been a term so they said I could swap. 449 00:22:40,460 --> 00:22:42,720 - What about your grant, eh? Did you think about that? 450 00:22:42,820 --> 00:22:45,520 You don't get a grant for bloody drama. 451 00:22:45,620 --> 00:22:49,120 Drama with a view to what? 452 00:22:49,220 --> 00:22:50,640 What are you gonna do with it? 453 00:22:50,740 --> 00:22:51,920 I'm gonna be an actor. 454 00:22:53,620 --> 00:22:55,760 You are so pathetic. 455 00:22:55,860 --> 00:22:58,160 Oh, that's it, that's royal, that is. 456 00:22:58,260 --> 00:23:00,360 That is bloody excellent. 457 00:23:00,460 --> 00:23:02,460 Stupid little dreamer! 458 00:23:09,780 --> 00:23:11,760 Suppose this was your idea. 459 00:23:11,860 --> 00:23:12,680 No. 460 00:23:12,780 --> 00:23:16,460 Yeah, I mean, you just opened it up for him, didn't you? 461 00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:19,300 Your sweetness. 462 00:23:37,580 --> 00:23:38,960 Happy New Year! 463 00:25:28,180 --> 00:25:30,560 Woo! 464 00:25:30,660 --> 00:25:32,660 Woo! 465 00:25:37,660 --> 00:25:40,680 Woo! Woo! 466 00:25:40,780 --> 00:25:42,600 And this is my best friend, Jill. 467 00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:43,960 No, I'm sorry, no. 468 00:25:44,060 --> 00:25:46,320 As drag goes, that is completely unconvincing. 469 00:25:46,420 --> 00:25:47,480 He needs a good shave! 470 00:25:47,580 --> 00:25:49,880 Look at the five o'clock shadow, he's so manly. 471 00:25:49,980 --> 00:25:52,080 I'm the only one who is. 472 00:25:53,420 --> 00:25:56,200 She's camper than me. 473 00:25:58,420 --> 00:26:01,260 That cold came back, Juan Pablo. 474 00:26:02,300 --> 00:26:03,996 Do you remember, he had that silly little cough 475 00:26:04,020 --> 00:26:07,040 when the airline went bust, then again in April, 476 00:26:07,140 --> 00:26:09,140 now it's back. 477 00:26:09,540 --> 00:26:10,280 It's hard to tell though, 478 00:26:10,380 --> 00:26:12,380 he does make a three-act play of it. 479 00:26:14,540 --> 00:26:16,360 They've taken him into hospital. 480 00:26:16,460 --> 00:26:18,580 Oh, sorry. 481 00:26:20,580 --> 00:26:22,580 Is he all right? 482 00:26:22,940 --> 00:26:24,940 Yeah, fuss over nothing. 483 00:26:26,380 --> 00:26:28,120 They said it was pneumonia, 484 00:26:28,220 --> 00:26:29,436 then they said it was like something 485 00:26:29,460 --> 00:26:32,640 you get from birds in his lungs. 486 00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:33,440 They said it was strange, 487 00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:36,260 they said it was some kind of psittacosis. 488 00:26:37,100 --> 00:26:37,920 What, like you get in parrots? 489 00:26:38,020 --> 00:26:40,020 That's what they said. 490 00:26:40,820 --> 00:26:42,116 You haven't got a parrot, have you? 491 00:26:42,140 --> 00:26:44,380 Of course, we haven't got a fucking parrot! 492 00:26:48,180 --> 00:26:49,880 She sat me down and she said, 493 00:26:49,980 --> 00:26:51,960 "Has he been in contact with any birds?" 494 00:26:52,060 --> 00:26:55,000 I said, "No." I mean, what sort of question is that? 495 00:26:55,100 --> 00:26:56,920 Birds. 496 00:26:57,020 --> 00:26:59,260 But, people don't get psittacosis, do they? 497 00:27:00,260 --> 00:27:02,260 I don't know. 498 00:27:03,020 --> 00:27:05,020 Except there he is. 499 00:27:08,980 --> 00:27:10,980 It's ridiculous. 500 00:27:13,740 --> 00:27:14,440 Hello, good morning. 501 00:27:14,540 --> 00:27:16,720 Oh, Colin, you'll have to work 502 00:27:16,820 --> 00:27:18,840 through your lunch I'm afraid. 503 00:27:18,940 --> 00:27:21,960 Mr. Coltrane's off sick, so you'll have to cover. 504 00:27:22,060 --> 00:27:23,480 Is that all right? 505 00:27:23,580 --> 00:27:25,580 Yeah, that's fine. Thank you. 506 00:27:32,020 --> 00:27:33,020 I think the referee, 507 00:27:33,060 --> 00:27:35,460 Mr. Sims, is telling him, one more chance. 508 00:27:36,740 --> 00:27:37,740 So, a free-kick 509 00:27:37,820 --> 00:27:40,220 just outside the Rovers' box. 510 00:27:41,140 --> 00:27:43,520 Big guys are coming up from the back. 511 00:27:45,100 --> 00:27:47,040 Colin, this is Mr. Brewster. 512 00:27:47,140 --> 00:27:49,440 He'll be standing in for Mr. Coltrane, 513 00:27:49,540 --> 00:27:51,120 just till he gets better. 514 00:27:51,220 --> 00:27:53,220 Right. Hello. 515 00:28:15,100 --> 00:28:18,500 Henry? It's me, Colin! 516 00:28:39,220 --> 00:28:42,760 Mr. Brewster will be joining us on a permanent basis 517 00:28:42,860 --> 00:28:45,000 to replace Mr. Coltrane. 518 00:28:45,100 --> 00:28:47,840 Welcome on board, you'll make a very good team. 519 00:28:58,420 --> 00:29:01,280 You're wasting your time, love. 520 00:29:01,380 --> 00:29:04,520 He went into hospital last week. Henry. 521 00:29:04,620 --> 00:29:06,640 Ambulance. Four in the morning. 522 00:29:06,740 --> 00:29:08,400 Bad chest or something. 523 00:29:08,500 --> 00:29:10,280 Right, thanks. 524 00:29:10,380 --> 00:29:12,400 What about Juan Pablo? 525 00:29:12,500 --> 00:29:14,080 The other one, his friend. 526 00:29:14,180 --> 00:29:16,180 Bloody Argie. He can go home. 527 00:29:42,020 --> 00:29:45,320 Excuse me. I'm looking for Henry Coltrane? 528 00:29:45,420 --> 00:29:46,760 They told me he was here. 529 00:29:46,860 --> 00:29:48,240 It's family only. 530 00:29:48,340 --> 00:29:51,000 I know, they said. I'm his nephew. 531 00:30:00,820 --> 00:30:05,820 Here we are. 532 00:30:29,740 --> 00:30:31,900 Henry? You have a visitor. 533 00:30:46,620 --> 00:30:48,480 They said it could have been there for years, 534 00:30:48,580 --> 00:30:50,680 sitting on my chest. 535 00:30:50,780 --> 00:30:52,780 This bit popped up to have a look. 536 00:30:54,980 --> 00:30:56,980 And it's cancer? 537 00:30:58,300 --> 00:30:59,920 But why do I need all these? 538 00:31:00,020 --> 00:31:04,840 I mean, cancer's not infectious. 539 00:31:04,940 --> 00:31:07,680 It's to protect me, not you. 540 00:31:07,780 --> 00:31:09,780 - Oh. - Idiot. 541 00:31:11,740 --> 00:31:15,440 Except, they said, it's odd, they said, 542 00:31:15,540 --> 00:31:20,220 "You'd expect this if you were 90 or Jewish or Turkish." 543 00:31:23,660 --> 00:31:27,160 But it's not the same thing as Juan Pablo? 544 00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:29,380 No. It's bad luck. 545 00:31:30,340 --> 00:31:32,460 Two of us getting sick at the same time. 546 00:31:34,580 --> 00:31:36,580 Where is he? 547 00:31:37,500 --> 00:31:39,500 He's gone 548 00:31:40,980 --> 00:31:42,980 to Portugal. 549 00:31:47,980 --> 00:31:49,980 His mother descended. 550 00:31:50,980 --> 00:31:52,980 "I'm taking him home." Hm. 551 00:31:54,140 --> 00:31:58,380 I've tried writing, but I can't phone Portugal from here. 552 00:32:03,380 --> 00:32:05,380 I keep thinking, 553 00:32:07,180 --> 00:32:12,080 we had mold in the kitchen, a little strip of mold. 554 00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:15,280 We had the damp course done, 555 00:32:15,380 --> 00:32:16,860 we had it replastered and painted it. 556 00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:18,900 I painted it with zinc. 557 00:32:20,140 --> 00:32:22,140 But it kept coming back. 558 00:32:23,580 --> 00:32:27,260 I was at war with this little strip. 559 00:32:31,380 --> 00:32:33,380 I just keep thinking, 560 00:32:35,860 --> 00:32:37,860 was it the mold? 561 00:32:41,620 --> 00:32:43,760 On the chest. 562 00:32:43,860 --> 00:32:46,380 Two of us just breathing it in. 563 00:32:52,500 --> 00:32:54,500 Lunch. 564 00:32:56,260 --> 00:32:58,260 Could you? 565 00:32:59,180 --> 00:33:01,180 Don't they bring it in? 566 00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:05,140 No. They do not. 567 00:33:24,780 --> 00:33:26,356 What time do you think you'll be back? 568 00:33:26,380 --> 00:33:27,920 I lock the front door at 10. 569 00:33:28,020 --> 00:33:30,420 I might not. I might stay out all night. 570 00:33:31,900 --> 00:33:33,900 Thank you. 571 00:33:52,310 --> 00:33:53,730 Now cheer the fuck up. 572 00:33:53,830 --> 00:33:55,830 You're dragging the whole place down. 573 00:34:05,910 --> 00:34:10,530 ♪ I took you by the hand and I said ♪ 574 00:34:10,630 --> 00:34:11,810 And did you see it? 575 00:34:11,910 --> 00:34:13,050 Did you see his shoe? 576 00:34:13,150 --> 00:34:14,486 Nevermind that though, did you see his arse? 577 00:34:14,510 --> 00:34:16,930 I'm gonna let go! 578 00:34:17,030 --> 00:34:18,806 Stop it! Stop it, don't, Gregory, don't talk to me! 579 00:34:18,830 --> 00:34:20,230 Gloria, don't be so fuckin' nuts. 580 00:34:20,270 --> 00:34:22,650 Get out the car then. 581 00:34:25,550 --> 00:34:26,250 Party rules. 582 00:34:26,350 --> 00:34:28,250 First choice on every boy is mine! 583 00:34:28,350 --> 00:34:30,810 Here we are, the Pink Palace. 584 00:34:30,910 --> 00:34:32,790 Just so you know, this is not a house warming, 585 00:34:32,830 --> 00:34:35,130 we're gonna have a party every night. 586 00:34:35,230 --> 00:34:37,690 Here she is, she smelt the booze. 587 00:34:40,790 --> 00:34:42,290 Welcome to our new home. 588 00:34:42,390 --> 00:34:44,170 I love le Pally d'Pink. 589 00:34:45,390 --> 00:34:48,530 No, don't laugh, okay? I'm not kidding. 590 00:34:48,630 --> 00:34:50,010 Dad thinks I'm at choir. 591 00:34:50,110 --> 00:34:51,850 He'd kill me with his bare hands. 592 00:34:51,950 --> 00:34:54,970 But you, you must be crazy sharing a flat with him. 593 00:34:55,070 --> 00:34:57,130 I know. But I had to move out of halls, 594 00:34:57,230 --> 00:34:59,206 I was getting complaints with the banging headboard. 595 00:34:59,230 --> 00:35:00,590 And it's dirt cheap, this place, 596 00:35:00,670 --> 00:35:02,530 'cause I was working on the house next door 597 00:35:02,630 --> 00:35:04,406 and Mr. Friedrichs said, "Oh, we're looking for tenants." 598 00:35:04,430 --> 00:35:05,170 He screwed the landlord. 599 00:35:05,270 --> 00:35:06,010 - Oh! - Mr. Freedicks. 600 00:35:06,110 --> 00:35:07,886 Your brother had the landlord spinning on his nob 601 00:35:07,910 --> 00:35:09,410 like a battling top. 602 00:35:09,510 --> 00:35:10,290 Proud of you, boy. 603 00:35:10,390 --> 00:35:13,290 Okay, I confess, I did, I had him. 604 00:35:13,390 --> 00:35:14,290 - Oh, my God. - In here. 605 00:35:14,390 --> 00:35:15,726 - Oh, my God. - Bum in the air, right there. 606 00:35:15,750 --> 00:35:16,750 Oh, stop it! 607 00:35:16,790 --> 00:35:18,486 But it's brilliant because Jill and I said, 608 00:35:18,510 --> 00:35:19,726 "Let's find somewhere together." 609 00:35:19,750 --> 00:35:20,750 Oh, "Jill and I." 610 00:35:20,830 --> 00:35:21,710 Jill and I, your lordship. 611 00:35:21,790 --> 00:35:23,810 But we did, we were looking and then Ash said, 612 00:35:23,910 --> 00:35:24,966 "Well, I'll move in with you." 613 00:35:24,990 --> 00:35:27,610 And Ritchie said, "You can share my bed, Ashy, please." 614 00:35:27,710 --> 00:35:28,970 No way, never again. 615 00:35:29,070 --> 00:35:31,450 Been there, done it, spat it out. 616 00:35:31,550 --> 00:35:34,130 Pass me another boy, this one's split. 617 00:35:34,230 --> 00:35:35,970 Oh, Baxter, you're filthy. 618 00:35:36,070 --> 00:35:37,770 So, thank you, Mr. Freedicks. 619 00:35:37,870 --> 00:35:38,966 This place is only 20 quid a week, 620 00:35:38,990 --> 00:35:40,286 all thanks to your brother's penis. 621 00:35:40,310 --> 00:35:42,130 25 until we fill that spare bed. 622 00:35:42,230 --> 00:35:43,606 Oh, just move in with us, Gloria. 623 00:35:43,630 --> 00:35:44,890 In this tip? Are you kidding? 624 00:35:44,990 --> 00:35:46,130 I've got a council flat. 625 00:35:46,230 --> 00:35:49,210 The people pissing in my lift do so with love and care. 626 00:35:49,310 --> 00:35:50,410 It's practically intimate. 627 00:35:50,510 --> 00:35:52,010 Why do you call it the Pink Palace? 628 00:35:52,110 --> 00:35:53,246 Is that the name of a club or something? 629 00:35:53,270 --> 00:35:54,570 No. 630 00:35:54,670 --> 00:35:56,110 Mummy dearest brought little Ritchie 631 00:35:56,150 --> 00:35:58,150 lots of things from home and look, 632 00:35:59,630 --> 00:36:00,970 she brought him this. 633 00:36:01,070 --> 00:36:01,890 Camp or what? 634 00:36:01,990 --> 00:36:04,250 It's pinker than my dick. 635 00:36:04,350 --> 00:36:05,350 Oh! 636 00:36:06,470 --> 00:36:07,970 Darling. 637 00:36:08,070 --> 00:36:11,090 ♪ Color me your color, darling ♪ 638 00:36:11,190 --> 00:36:14,370 ♪ I know who you are ♪ 639 00:36:14,470 --> 00:36:17,810 ♪ Come up off your color chart ♪ 640 00:36:17,910 --> 00:36:20,810 ♪ I know where you're coming from ♪ 641 00:36:20,910 --> 00:36:23,690 ♪ Call me, call me, on the line ♪ 642 00:36:23,790 --> 00:36:27,450 ♪ Call me, call me any, anytime ♪ 643 00:36:27,550 --> 00:36:30,370 ♪ Call me, call me, I'll arrive ♪ 644 00:36:30,470 --> 00:36:34,170 ♪ You can call me any day or night ♪ 645 00:36:34,270 --> 00:36:35,370 ♪ Call me ♪ 646 00:36:38,110 --> 00:36:40,210 Oh, for God's sake! Can you two... 647 00:36:40,310 --> 00:36:41,310 I thought it was over! 648 00:36:41,390 --> 00:36:43,390 Old times' sake. 649 00:36:44,910 --> 00:36:47,770 Oh, dirty! 650 00:36:47,870 --> 00:36:50,170 The government knows all about it, right, 651 00:36:50,270 --> 00:36:51,650 and they're keeping it quiet, 652 00:36:51,750 --> 00:36:55,250 'cause there's a strain of flu and it affects only gay men 653 00:36:55,350 --> 00:36:56,370 and it kills them. 654 00:36:56,470 --> 00:36:58,970 It's called GRID, it started in America 655 00:36:59,070 --> 00:37:00,086 and it's coming over here. 656 00:37:00,110 --> 00:37:03,650 You can't have a gay flu and no one dies of flu anymore. 657 00:37:03,750 --> 00:37:05,170 They're dying in San Francisco. 658 00:37:05,270 --> 00:37:06,850 My friend said it's a plague. 659 00:37:06,950 --> 00:37:09,770 Don't be ridiculous. That would be all over the news. 660 00:37:09,870 --> 00:37:10,610 I've gotta be honest, 661 00:37:10,710 --> 00:37:12,290 I think you're being a little bit rude. 662 00:37:12,390 --> 00:37:13,810 Dracula! 663 00:37:13,910 --> 00:37:16,370 Take me to your castle, hot stuff. Come on! 664 00:37:16,470 --> 00:37:19,150 Ladies and gentlemen, and you, Gregory, 665 00:37:20,390 --> 00:37:24,210 pray gather hereupon for the star turn of the night, 666 00:37:24,310 --> 00:37:26,830 I give you Miss Rachel Tozer! 667 00:37:36,070 --> 00:37:37,890 Oh, my God! 668 00:37:37,990 --> 00:37:39,990 Rachel. He's Rachel. 669 00:37:41,150 --> 00:37:42,850 He looks like Nana Mouskouri. 670 00:37:46,950 --> 00:37:49,410 Please, my people. Silencio! 671 00:37:49,510 --> 00:37:51,250 I would like to give you a song. 672 00:37:59,070 --> 00:38:00,070 ♪ La ♪ 673 00:38:00,110 --> 00:38:00,970 - Right! - Okay! 674 00:38:01,070 --> 00:38:03,490 Is that it? 675 00:38:08,710 --> 00:38:10,730 Bravo! 676 00:38:19,350 --> 00:38:22,530 Sorry, but that girl, like, Jill, 677 00:38:22,630 --> 00:38:24,630 did she say this place had a spare room? 678 00:38:25,590 --> 00:38:27,530 It's a spare bed, not a spare room. 679 00:38:27,630 --> 00:38:28,630 It means sharing with me, 680 00:38:28,670 --> 00:38:30,286 but I don't mind 'cause I'm out most nights. 681 00:38:30,310 --> 00:38:32,406 And if it lowers the rent, I'd share with Mary Whitehouse. 682 00:38:32,430 --> 00:38:33,170 What do you think? 683 00:38:33,270 --> 00:38:34,770 Well, I'd like it very much. 684 00:38:34,870 --> 00:38:35,610 I can give you a reference. 685 00:38:35,710 --> 00:38:38,130 Sod that. It's an 80 quid deposit, cash. 686 00:38:38,230 --> 00:38:39,690 - Have you got it? - Yeah. 687 00:38:39,790 --> 00:38:42,490 Girls, the rent's back down to 20 quid! 688 00:38:42,590 --> 00:38:44,090 Gladys Pugh's moving in. 689 00:38:44,190 --> 00:38:49,130 Woo-hoo! Nice one, Roscoe. 690 00:39:06,830 --> 00:39:08,830 Did you see? 691 00:39:51,350 --> 00:39:54,850 ♪ Ne-ne-na-na ♪ 692 00:40:24,150 --> 00:40:27,170 It's a highly complicated, giant molecule. 693 00:40:27,270 --> 00:40:29,670 Hey, man, that's well wicked. 694 00:41:15,150 --> 00:41:16,250 La! 695 00:41:16,350 --> 00:41:18,350 La! 696 00:41:18,670 --> 00:41:20,690 Break a leg, Rachel. 697 00:41:20,790 --> 00:41:22,790 Thanks, Bill. 698 00:41:23,630 --> 00:41:24,330 See you. 699 00:41:24,430 --> 00:41:26,430 - Yeah, good luck. - And you. 700 00:41:28,310 --> 00:41:29,610 See you later. 701 00:41:29,710 --> 00:41:30,610 La! 702 00:41:30,710 --> 00:41:31,610 Oh. 703 00:41:31,710 --> 00:41:33,090 La! 704 00:41:33,190 --> 00:41:35,190 - Good luck, Gladys. - Thanks. 705 00:41:42,630 --> 00:41:44,130 - La! - La. 706 00:41:44,230 --> 00:41:45,090 Wish me luck. 707 00:41:45,190 --> 00:41:50,190 Good luck. 708 00:42:09,630 --> 00:42:11,630 Have you seen this? 709 00:42:13,990 --> 00:42:15,990 Ritchie. 710 00:42:16,510 --> 00:42:17,250 Thanks for coming. 711 00:42:17,350 --> 00:42:19,350 Oh, my God, no, thank you. 712 00:42:20,510 --> 00:42:21,250 Morning. 713 00:42:21,350 --> 00:42:23,350 Oh, good morning, Colin. 714 00:42:27,430 --> 00:42:28,770 Ta-da! 715 00:42:28,870 --> 00:42:29,890 - Hi. - You're late. 716 00:42:29,990 --> 00:42:31,730 - Give us a minute. - Sure. 717 00:42:31,830 --> 00:42:34,210 To be honest, it might be a little soon 718 00:42:34,310 --> 00:42:37,210 to be looking for an agent, but still, I have to ask. 719 00:42:37,310 --> 00:42:40,610 If I were to represent you and the right job came along, 720 00:42:40,710 --> 00:42:42,006 would you consider leaving college? 721 00:42:42,030 --> 00:42:43,490 Oh, yes. 722 00:42:43,590 --> 00:42:45,010 Bang, done. 723 00:42:45,110 --> 00:42:46,610 - Yes. - It's been a year. 724 00:42:46,710 --> 00:42:49,330 Now, just thought we'd assess where we are. 725 00:42:49,430 --> 00:42:51,130 Happy, on the whole. 726 00:42:51,230 --> 00:42:53,050 You've got that tendency to drift off, 727 00:42:53,150 --> 00:42:54,530 I've warned you about that. 728 00:42:54,630 --> 00:42:57,270 And you could be more assertive. What do you think? 729 00:42:58,630 --> 00:42:59,370 Yes, sir. 730 00:42:59,470 --> 00:43:01,930 I said, "You could be more-" 731 00:43:02,030 --> 00:43:03,210 Yes, sir! 732 00:43:03,310 --> 00:43:04,410 It's a proper job. 733 00:43:04,510 --> 00:43:06,090 I need someone to run the whole thing. 734 00:43:06,190 --> 00:43:07,930 Bookings, strippers, drag nights, 735 00:43:08,030 --> 00:43:09,570 and my worry is, are you a stupid tit 736 00:43:09,670 --> 00:43:11,370 who's gonna run off with my money? 737 00:43:11,470 --> 00:43:12,370 Damn, got me. 738 00:43:12,470 --> 00:43:16,250 So, where do you see yourself in five years' time? 739 00:43:16,350 --> 00:43:18,770 10 years' time, what do you want to be doing? 740 00:43:18,870 --> 00:43:21,110 What you gonna do when you're older? 741 00:43:21,990 --> 00:43:23,090 What's the plan? 742 00:43:23,190 --> 00:43:26,210 Oh, my God, I want everything. 743 00:43:26,310 --> 00:43:28,690 West End, I want my name in lights, 744 00:43:28,790 --> 00:43:31,010 big movie posters with me on them. 745 00:43:31,110 --> 00:43:32,210 I don't know. 746 00:43:32,310 --> 00:43:34,330 10 years' time, 747 00:43:34,430 --> 00:43:36,210 I'd be happy still working here. 748 00:43:36,310 --> 00:43:41,290 You wait. Give me five, six years, I'll be stinking rich. 749 00:43:41,390 --> 00:43:44,490 No, as long as I can find work, I don't care. 750 00:43:44,590 --> 00:43:47,090 Theater, little bit of TV. 751 00:43:47,190 --> 00:43:49,050 I could be that man in the background shouting, 752 00:43:49,150 --> 00:43:50,250 "Let him go!" 753 00:43:50,350 --> 00:43:51,850 Every single teacher I ever had, 754 00:43:51,950 --> 00:43:54,490 I wanna drive past them in my big, shiny car, 755 00:43:54,590 --> 00:43:55,970 like, "Fuck you." 756 00:43:56,070 --> 00:43:57,770 I wanna do good work. 757 00:43:57,870 --> 00:44:01,550 I wanna learn everything, like Mr. Coltrane taught me. 758 00:44:02,590 --> 00:44:06,570 Donegal Tweed, they make the dye out of blackberries. 759 00:44:06,670 --> 00:44:08,370 It's so beautiful. 760 00:44:57,270 --> 00:44:59,270 I just wanna be happy. 761 00:45:01,470 --> 00:45:06,470 ♪ Ah ♪ 762 00:45:08,710 --> 00:45:13,710 ♪ Ah ♪ 763 00:45:15,870 --> 00:45:17,870 ♪ Ah ♪ 764 00:45:37,350 --> 00:45:42,350 ♪ Leave in the morning with everything you own in a little ♪ 53496

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