Original subtitles

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Have you taught them nothing, you useless fuck?

-Sorry, sir-- -What "sorry"?

Papa, know what this is called?

What?

It's called "clavicle."

And these are called "shoulders."

And this is called "backbone."

-And what's this called? -These are called "cheeks."

-And what's this called? -This is called "nose."

And what's this called?

LONG LIVE THE GREAT SOCIALIST

Hey, Balram!

Don't make me ask again!

Get your book and chalk, let's go.

The tea shop? I'm supposed to go to Delhi.

Father didn't pay the master.

Granny said you have to work now.

Kishan!

What're you doing over there? Get to work!

Now break every last one.

You don't like it?

Imagine it's my skull you're breaking.

Hey, sweetie…

Eat your dinner.

Eat it.

I'll find a doctor.

God's name is the truth…

Would you like some tea? Put on some tea!

Make it quickly.

Are you deaf? Get to work.

THE GREAT SOCIALIST

I overheard them saying they need a second driver for Mr. Ashok.

He's just come back--

But you don't know how to drive!

I just need 300 rupees for the driving lessons and--

No! You've always been insolent like your father.

You'll stay right here with Kishan.

Okay, forget it.

I thought if I became their driver, you'd buy a bunch of water buffaloes…

and be the envy of the village.

So you'll become a driver for the landlords?

You could be the richest woman in the village.

Swear on all the gods you believe in

that you'll send every rupee, every month, to your Granny.

-I swear. -Stop smiling!

Pinch your hand and swear!

I'm pinching! Granny, just think…

You'll become the richest woman in the village.

This cane will become gold, and when you swing it like this,

the entire village will line up to see you.

Wait! Granny made your favorite!

You eat your oily okra! I'm gonna eat in Dhanbad!

Watch out, sister-fucker!

You're from a caste of sweet makers.

Only a boy from a warrior class can tame a wild stallion.

Muslims, Rajputs, Sikhs have aggression in their blood.

Why don't you stick to making sweets?

It's not enough to drive. You've got to become a driver.

Anyone tries to overtake you, do this…

Out of the way, sister-fucker!

Outta my way, fucker!

The road is a jungle.

A good driver must roar to get ahead on it!

-Yeah? -Namaste, sir.

What do you want?

Any need of a driver, sir?

I've got four years' experience. My master recently died, so I--

Get lost. We have a driver already.

I see you have two cars, sir, but do you have two drivers?

What's wrong with you? Get lost, motherfucker.

Sir? This is your house?

-Laxmangarh? -Yes, sir!

The gods must be watching over us!

Let the boy in.

-But, sir-- -Let him in.

I can't believe it's you, sir.

How the crops died since you left.

And we prayed that…

Get up.

Of course, sir.

No, sir.

Yes, sir.

He drives well.

-What's your caste? -Halwai, sir.

Is that a high caste or low?

Low caste, sir.

All our servants are high caste.

-You drink? -No, sir.

Steal?

Halwai?

-You're a sweet maker? -Yes, sir.

Whatever you like, sir.

-How much you want? -I don't want any money, sir.

No, sir, that's too much.

Yes, sir.

Bro, you wanna climb in here?

-Get moving! -Watch how you drive!

Should we get the rod?

Let's get the rod.

I know you're play-acting. You haven't been hired yet, hick!

This is the room.

This is my room?

You'll share it with me.

I'll find a mattress from the store for you.

No, there's no need for that.

I'll be quite comfortable on the floor. Nothing to worry about.

There's even a first class roof!

Here. You're to wear this at all times.

-It's mine? -Yes.

-Hey, hero! -Yes, sir?

I hope you like carpets.

When you're done cleaning those, wash all the windows.

Got it?

But I'm the driver, sir.

No. You're the "number two" driver.

Sir, why is Ram Persad not eating?

-And his mouth stinks these days. -You keep your mouth shut.

Very good. A little higher. Yeah, there.

-Know what that was for? -Yes, sir.

They respect us for that. Remember that.

Hey, a little higher.

Count it. I don't want to hear shit later.

Good, sir!

And they're not from the same caste. She's a Christian.

-And he married her? -Yeah.

That's normal in America.

Her people were against it too, but he wouldn't listen.

-Is she American? -No, no, she's Indian.

She was born here. She moved there when she was 12.

She told me.

She talks to you?

Talks to me?

She tells me everything.

I'm their number one driver.

Are you serious?

Can I also come inside?

-It's not allowed. -Why?

What do you mean, "why"? If Mukesh sees, he'll scold me.

-Take care. -Yes, you too.

As long as there is a sun and a moon, madam's name will remain!

Long live the madam!

Long live socialism!

Two million rupees is a little too much.

Son! Come here.

-Son! Come here, son. -Come here, fucker!

Your rich employers are trying to bugger me.

-What do you say to that? -Driver, get lost.

Shut up, mother-fucker!

2.5 million rupees.

Otherwise, back to Laxmangarh, where I first found you hicks!

Why pay this small-time sister-fucker?

Let's go straight to Delhi and pay off the opposing party.

She's going to lose the next election.

Stay here and learn the family business. Let me and Mukesh handle this.

-What are you doing? -Oh, here you are!

Actually, I gotta drive Ashok Sir to Delhi.

I gotta make the Pajero look perfect.

You're mistaken. I'm taking them to Delhi.

Really? To visit all the mosques there?

Get away from that.

I don't think Mukesh Sir wants to give

Mohammad Mohammad, or whatever your name is…

a raise of 3,000 rupees.

I've been their driver for 20 years.

Mr. Ashok is like my own son.

I drove him to school when he was a boy.

That's a good point.

But only Allah knows what corrupt ideas you put into my poor master's mind.

Please, sir, I have a family.

Don't we all.

I'm going to Delhi in an air-conditioned car!

The thing to know about Delhi is the roads are smooth,

the people are bad, and the police are rotten.

The masters' clothes get washed here and sent back up.

Toilets are here.

This phone rings when your boss wants you.

There's even a temple if you wanna pray.

And here is our den of pleasures.

When we have money, we play cards here.

All the crazy fun happens here! Come!

If you're not careful, the mosquitos will eat you alive.

If they carry malaria, you'll be sick as a dog for weeks.

But if it's a dengue mosquito…

I swear on my mother, you'll shiver all over.

And you'll die for sure.

-Die from a mosquito? -Definitely.

This is your room.

Nice. But who am I sharing it with?

-You plan on bringing your family? -No.

-You have plans to do some fucking? -No.

-How's your little guy? -Who's this homo pussy?

Get going.

-Check his bag. -I'm looking.

-Come on, get! -Bro, let us have a look.

This asshole's uniform's nicer than yours.

-I can tell by his bag he's useless. -So, Country Mouse…

How much they paying you?

Enough. I'm happy.

You're a sweet, loyal dog, eh?

If your boss wants anything…

I have it all.

Foreign wines…

Golf balls. Girls.

BALRAM

To the President's House. Move it!

Oy! That was our exit, idiot!

Just a little bit.

Mix it all up, please.

Here you are, sir. I removed all the potatoes.

Good memory, boy!

Yes, sir.

What're you laughing at?

-Understand? -Yes, sir.

He'll sit on your head and fuck your ear.

Yes, sir.

No, no!

No, sir, of course not.

This is great for when you're lonely, or upset with your boss.

This has revenge, rape, murder, sex. It's got everything.

You can really enjoy yourself.

You can even jerk off.

Red bra, big boobs…

Country Mouse, you like that?

Big tits, huge asses!

Hold them like mangos and nibble with your teeth.

-And suck 'em right up! -What's he talking about?

But don't let your little mouse get sucked up in their dark caves!

Want me to put in a good word?

I noticed how ladies in the city don't have hair on their legs or armpits!

What?

Does your mom have hair here? And here and here too?

Are all the women in your village hairy?

The whole family hang like monkeys and--

Why talk about mothers and sisters?

Dude, we're just kidding.

Do I talk about your mothers and sisters?

-Come on! -Hey! Come back.

You fuckers hide cards in your asses.

Country Mouse! Where are you going? Off to die?

-Hey, fucker! -You're a faggot.

Uncle, is there a room for someone to stay alone?

There's one there.

But who wants to live alone?

Hi, uncle, how are you all doing?

How's it going, brother?

Now he remembers his family.

You haven't sent money home since you went to Delhi.

Forgive me, brother. I'm here now.

My grandson is a very big man!

But he forces his Granny to do all his work for him.

This is the fate of an old woman in this world.

Eat the chicken.

I made it myself.

You haven't had any like it in ages.

Ashok Sir is a vegetarian.

America made him completely lose his mind.

I'm thinking of doing the same.

What? Are you a Brahmin?

Eat. You've gotten so thin.

A body should be filled out for marriage.

-Whose marriage? -Yours!

We found a girl for you.

You'll be married by the end of the year.

I need time. I'm not ready to get married.

Not ready?

Just eat the chicken.

I don't want to get married.

Stop thinking of yourself and start thinking of the family.

Eat.

-You're not Ashok Sir. -Did you not understand?

Are you going to force me? I don't want to get married!

You're driving me insane.

Where are you going? Stop!

What happened?

-You must keep sending money. -I won't send it.

That's the family's money!

She's sucked the blood out of you and left you a shell.

And she'll leave you to die, like Dad.

What's he doing?

-Bring another cup. -Yes, madam.

After you wash your hands.

-Is this toothpaste, uncle? -Yes, it's terrific.

It'll make your teeth totally white.

-Where can I find something for an itch? -The medicine shop.

Five hundred!

-Are these for the office? -Yep, take a look.

Those are 200. This is leather, better quality.

100 rupee sale!

-How much? -100 rupees sale!

Pick any one.

And 250 for the pant. It's a good designer pant.

Country Mouse!

Don't stand there alone. Come hang with us.

Standing alone leads to bad thoughts.

Look at him! Dressed like the maharaja of England!

Hope you haven't peed your pants.

Someone get him a diaper.

-Asshole! -I'll lube you up…

How's your room?

Are there cockroaches in there?

I dozed off.

Take it, madam. Only 100 rupees.

I'm very hungry.

Can I see?

Please, madam. Take three for 200.

-I'm hungry. -Don't touch the car.

Balram, come in. Come, come.

-Greetings, sir! -Come in.

-Have a seat. -Sit up.

On the sofa. Make yourself comfortable.

Come, sit.

-All good? -Great, sir.

No, sir. I washed the car and went to bed.

Good.

Yes, sir.

-Would you like some paan? -No, sir, I quit paan.

-Come on! You still eat paan, I know it! -No, really, sir! Ashok Sir, tell them.

-I know you eat paan. -Come on, sir.

-Is it all right? -It's very good!

-Right, Balram? -Yes, sir.

I got some paan on it.

I don't understand, sir.

We'll explain it to you afterwards. Keep reading.

Go ahead and sign it, brother. Right here.

Aren't you my brother? My younger brother?

Yes, sir.

We eat and hang out together.

Dad's here, I'm here. Brother Ashok is right there.

-Is there anything to worry about? -No, sir.

Go on.

-All right? Go on. -Go on.

All right, sir.

No need for that.

Give me Moonlight Whiskey.

Here you are!

Your boss has been calling like crazy for you.

He came down here last night too.

Are you sick?

Typhoid?

Dengue? Malaria?

You seem to be in some big trouble.

Oy, jackass dick.

How many times do I have to call for you?

What're you staring at? Get the bottle of oil, useless fucker.

This match looks fixed.

The cricketers are taking shit out there.

You're back?

Come, sit down.

See for yourself.

There, there. Enough of your drama. Massage my feet!

He's fucking lazy!

She's looking for the victim's family, to compensate them.

-What are we, murderers? -She won't do that.

Dude, shut up.

She's gone crazy. Rein her in!

I have your confession and will always have it.

Hey, brother.

-Can you give me something to eat? -Move along.

-I haven't eaten anything in days. -I don't have anything, move along.

You must have a rupee, please give it to me, brother.

-Move along. -Where should I go?

I told you to move along! Does your head not work?

You want this? Should I take my clothes off and give them to you?

You want me to get naked?

-Maybe something to eat… -This woman is driving me insane!

Give me something to eat…

I've earned 36 rupees in six months. Shall I give it all to you?

Then what should I eat?

Give me some food, my child.

This woman has gone crazy! Get her out of here. She's lost her mind.

Arrest her! You are the police!

Once you have the food here, sir, you'll never forget it.

Go get the car.

Look what I brought for you, sir.

Nice and hot okra.

Nice and crispy, check it out.

Don't say that. Have a little bit.

He doesn't feel like it. Why're you up in his ass?

Get rid of it, sister-fucker!

Until Ashok Sir calls you, don't hover like a fly!

Yes, sir.

No, no, no.

Have you ever thought about what happens to you in the future?

Eyes.

As long as you have eyes, you'll work.

But when you turn 50-55, they'll kick your ass out.

And then?

If you've saved some money, you can buy a little shack.

But if you're clever like me and earn extra money, then maybe more.

That's the best case scenario.

Imagine your boss kicks you out without any reason.

Or you get into an accident!

You'll be dead!

Or homeless.

Hey, Country Mouse…

Everything's fine?

First class.

I hate to tell you this, but all the drivers are talking about you.

That you sit in your boss' car alone…

muttering away to yourself.

Is it true?

Ashok Sir, I'll fuck your mother.

I'm trying to drive. I can't pay attention like this.

Take this.

Take it!

You're a eunuch, you motherfucker! A eunuch!

I made an offering of 101 rupees in your name.

But I'm fucking Indian at heart, after all.

Absolutely, sir.

Incredible! Incredible, sir!

Very good, sir! That was great fun!

I also dabble in singing, sir.

All right, sir. I'll sing a little bit.

My Granny taught me.

O Murari, what can be said of you?

Said of you…

O Murari, what can be said of you?

Said of you…

In this world of yours I don't want to live

To live!

In this world of yours I don't want…

To live!

Yes, sir, absolutely, sir.

What the fuck was that?

Turn off the radio, asshole!

This sister-fucker thinks he's doing charity.

Is that your father's money, dickhead?

Dad?

Even if you were to steal it… it wouldn't be stealing.

Mr. Ashok bribes politicians in order not to pay taxes.

So who is he stealing from?

The ordinary people of this country.

Me.

And you.

Turn that shit off, asshole!

Drive, sister-fucker! Why'd you come this way?

Long live socialism!

We would like to show our appreciation by donating

one million rupees to your party.

Is that how much you paid the opposition party, fucker?

We want four million rupees. Monday night, Sheraton Hotel.

Got it?

I took a bus from the village, then caught a train…

and got here after asking around about you.

Granny said you would look after me and help me become a driver.

-Who are you? -Dharam.

Aunt Lattu's fourth son.

-What's in your hand? -A letter.

A letter? Show it to me.

My dear grandson, it has been seven months and two days…

since you sent us money.

The city has corrupted your soul.

Life has become hard here. Lord Indra is unhappy.

You must send us money again.

I have arranged for your wedding.

If you don't come here, we will send the girl to you by bus.

If you refuse,

we will write a letter explaining everything and send it to your master.

Is she really going to marry me off?

Do you understand?