All language subtitles for The.Unicorn.S02E05.720p.HDTV.x264-SYNCOPY

- Okay, so...
- Mm. Mm.

What do you think of
my home-brewed IPA, huh?

Nutty? Fruity? The right amount of bite?

Um, it's good.

It's cold and...

it's just nice and cold.

Okay. Well, the refrigerator does that.

- Mm-hmm.
- That's what does that part.

- Yeah.
- So, what about the beer?

I-I like it.

- Yeah?
- Yeah, I do.

Yeah, it's very, um, hoppy.

That's what I was
going for. Yeah, hoppy.

Mm. It's got nice texture.

Oh, what do you got there, Wade?

Nothing. It's, uh, Shannon.

That girl's got you
pretty happy these days.

We're having a really good
time getting to know each other.

You mean, you, Shannon
and her live-in husband?

Live-in ex-husband.

Does not make it less weird.

Do you guys mind if we switch to wine?

I was hoping to save
the rest of the beer

for the guys at the office.

- Oh.
- Wow, no more for us, huh?

We've had our share.

Take it all.

Thanks. You guys are the best.

You know what?

I'm gonna make more of this.

Ooh.

Hey, uh, for the record,

there's nothing weird about Shannon.

She's really cool.

Like, she's so, so much fun.

And her job? It's crazy.

I mean, she has the funniest stories.

Uh, a couple of weeks ago,

she puts a live lobster

in her sous-chef's car.

And he had no idea it was there

until he was driving home.

The thing crawled out
from under the seat

and it pinched his foot.

- Oh.
- No way.

Forget it. I would crash
the car right there.

He did. He did.

He crashed. Not... I mean,
he didn't crash crash.

You know, he went into a ditch.

But he's fine.

Shannon's gonna buy him a new axle.

What? Guys, come on. It was funny.

They all laughed.

You know, uh...

- the way she tells it is so much better.
- Yeah?

Does he still crash his
car in her version, or...?

Okay, all right, look.
I know she is probably

not the kind of person
you guys imagined me with,

but trust me.

When you get to know her, you
will see what I see in her.

- Mm.
- You know what?

Let's all have dinner together.
All of us. How about Friday?

- Let's do it.
- Okay.

- I'm in. Sure.
- Great.

Well, you tell her stay
away from my Subaru.

Oh, it was one time.

But the best part...

the best part was when
they blew up that train.

- What? No way.
- What?

- It was the interrogation scene.
- Oh, well.

When she took out half the
CIA guys with a scissor kick?

- Are you kidding me?
- It was a roundhouse,

- Wow.
- But, yeah, whatever. It's...

- A lady who knows her kicks.
- I do.

When, uh, when did you
get into action movies?

You know, I came for Van Damme's ass

and then I just never left.

- Mm.
- Mm-mm.

Do you want some wine?

Uh, sure.

Hey, I was, uh, I was wondering

if there is any chance

that you could get Friday night off?

I was thinking maybe
we could have dinner.

Yeah.

With my friends.

Oh, great.

Yeah, which ones?

All of 'em?

It-It'll be super casual.

- Okay.
- They're just dying to get to know you.

It'll be fun.

I promise. I promise,
it'll be a lot of fun.

You want me to meet all your friends?

That's so nice.

Oh, my God. What am I gonna cook?

You don't have to cook.

No, I want to cook. It's what I do.

I just, I really want
to impress your friends.

My lobster tacos.

- Y-You know, maybe... maybe not lobster.
- No?

Come on, guys. We don't want
to be late for Wade and Shannon.

Have you seen my purse?

You don't need it. We're just
going over to Wade's house.

But what if we get separated?

At Wade's house?

Just help me look for it.

- Zoe and Kai assaulted me.
- What?

- All 40 pounds of 'em?
- They pushed me off the bed

for spoiling the end
of their stupid movie.

That is not an assault.

That's called retribution.

Who doesn't know how Finding Nemo ends?

It's in the title.

Noah, go sit down and
stop bothering people.

Oh, man!

You're gonna have your hands full

with him tonight. Good luck.

He's having a tough time.
You know, he's too old

for the little kids, but not old enough

for Sahai and her friends.

Ah, I get it.

This is hilarious!

Why would his mom let him
cut his hair like that?

- Can I see?
- It's private.

How can it be private if everybody

on Instagram can see it?

Everybody except you.

Hey, Noah, why don't we go upstairs

and see if we can talk the little kids

into watching a different movie?

But I don't belong with the little kids.

I'm a tween!

I don't think tweens
call themselves that.

This tween does.

Wow, Shannon, this is so beautiful!

And everything looks so delicious.

And I can't believe
you made all of this.

Well, thanks. It's...
you know, it's my thang.

You know, Shannon said
that when she cooks,

it really comes from her heart.

You know, that every plate is,

uh, a little act of love.

- Mm.
- I said that?

Oh, my God, how drunk was I?

You... That's...

I mean, no, you were...
I mean, we had a couple

of glasses of wine, but, no,
you... she wasn't drunk or...

Yeah. No, I wasn't...
No, I wasn't drunk. No.

In fact. I... It's funny, I
have a really high tolerance,

because, you know, it sort
of comes with the territory.

Being a chef, every night
after we put out the last meal,

we just break out the tequila
and just, you know, get, um...

So, Shannon,

I understand you have a little boy?

- Yeah.
- Yes. Bert. He's seven.

- Aw.
- Uh, he's-he's eight.

Yeah, he's... Oh, my God, he's eight.

- He's eight.
- He's eight.

Wow. How old am I?

- It's like...
- That's odd. That's-that's crazy.

She's just... she's joking.

She knows... I mean,
you know how old you are.

Yes. Yeah, Wade, I know how old I am.

Uh, excuse me.

I'm gonna check on the
lamb. Be right back.

Uh, so, who wants a drink?

You know I do!

I-I do.

Hey. You okay?

Yeah.

Hey, have you ever
looked at Joyce's feet?

You know, like, really,
really looked at them?

Can't say that I have.

Oh. You're in for a treat.

It... they're-they're so complex.

They're, like, you
know, fur, skin, nails,

um, but ultimately, it's just one paw.

It's...

It's so... oh, and it's so soft.

You know, it's like, um...

Well, it's like a sharp,
hairy, little pillow.

Hey, man, what the hell
is going on with you?

Um...

So, uh, okay, after work today,
we had a little happy hour,

me and the guys, and, uh, it wasn't...

It wasn't with drinks. It
was with, um... edibles.

- What?!
- I know. I had one, because I thought

that was the cool thing to do, right?

But-but nothing was happening
at all, so, I had a couple more.

And now, um...

Now something's happening.

Wade asked us to come over
to make a good impression

on his new girl, and you show up high?

They were just these little candies.

I had no idea they were that strong.

You know, when I was a kid, I
used to smoke up all the time.

The pot was not this strong.

Okay, all right, well, hey, man,

you got to get yourself together.

What? No-nobody will notice. I'm good.

- You're... What?
- I'm good. I'm good.

You are definitely not good.

You practically made up a
sonnet about the dog's foot.

Oh, shoot.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, God. All right, you got to help me.

- Okay. All right. Okay.
- You got to help me, right? Okay, so,

how about this? If you
see me acting strange,

just, uh, give me a sign.

You know, something like this.

That a sign that things are fine.

Won't that confuse you?

Right. Right, you're
right, it will. Okay.

How about something like
this? You ever do the, um...

you know... you know, the
church and the steeple,

but this time, you just do that?

How about I just stick close to you,

and I'll whisper, "Stop it"?

Yeah. That'll work.

Thanks, Ben.

You're a really good friend, Ben.

I just made up a rhyme...
"friend Ben." Friend Ben.

Stop it.

A Mr. Friend Ben on
the line for you, sir.

- He seems rather drunk.
- Stop it.

- He seems drunk, sir.
- Shh. Shh.

Shall I tell him you're indisposed?

Wow. Something's smelling so good.

- Why are you being so weird?
- Weird?

Who's weird? I'm not... being weird.

Every time I try and say something,

you step in like I need a translator.

Are worried that I'm
going to embarrass you?

Embarrass me? Oh, come on.

- Shannon, I mean, that's a little...
- Oh, my God, you are.

What? No! No! I'm...

Look, I-I just want my friends
to like you as much as I do.

- Why wouldn't they like me?
- They would.

They do. They will. They...

Look, they just don't know you yet.

They just know you by the
stuff that I've told 'em,

like the lobster story.

You told them the lobster story?

- Yeah, well, I thought it was cute.
- That's...

No, that story makes me
look like a psychopath!

- No, they way you...
- The meatballs

- are fantastic!
- Oh.

They're so crispy on the outside.

- How do you do that?
- Oh, it's super easy.

After I bake 'em, I just...
I roll them in breadcrumbs,

and then I fry them in, like,
a half an inch of peanut oil.

It's really... I'll give you the recipe.

- Thank you!
- Yeah.

See? You did great there.

I wasn't embarrassed by any of that.

Mmm.

Do you want some cheese on that?

Oh, no.

No, it would ruin the taste of the salt.

Stop it.

Just one more.

Psst.

Wade. Shannon seems great.

- She does?
- Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, she does, right?

- Yeah.
- But she's been in the kitchen a lot.

Yeah, but, you know,

the little snippets of
her have been so great.

- It's a little tense in there.
- Oh.

Yeah, we had a... a tiff.

- Oh.
- Oh, it's fine. Everything's good.

It's good.

Is something wrong with the crackers?

No.

They are amazing.

That was good.

- I think you messed up. Yeah.
- I think I messed up again, yeah.

Hello?

- Hey, Noah. What's up?
- What's up?

We're playing hide-and-seek.

Oh, we finished that, like, an hour ago.

I didn't.

Uh, well...

you won.

Yay!

Did you guys even look for me?

Sorry.

I should've stayed in the cabinet.

- So...
- Okay, let's do it again.

Okay. Mm-hmm.

Okay, look, I blew it.

I know I blew it.

All right? Let's...

Please, just tell me how I can fix it.

It's fine. I'm very busy here.

Look, I'm no chef, but...

I mean, I can do that.

Right? Come on, let me... let me help.

- I like to cook alone.
- Well, I know.

- Just, come on, give me a potato.
- It's fine.

Oh! Oh. Oh, my God. Oh,
my God. Oh, my God. Oh,

- I stabbed you. Oh, my God. No. Oh, God.
- Hey. No, it's okay. Aah.

- That was so stup... I'm so sorry.
- Oh. It's fine.

- I'm fine. I'm... I'm fine.
- Hold it up. Yeah, hold it up.

- I'm fine. Are-are you... are you okay?
- God.

Come on, you look like maybe you
need to sit down a little. Here.

You're the one who's bleeding.

- I-I'm fine.
- No. Oh.

Oh, Shannon. Oh, I got
blood on your sweater.

- I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
- No, it's okay.

I think I have a stain
stick around here somewhere.

Stop it.

Hi.

- One of you is a doctor, right?
- Nah.

I am. Why?

- Can you come look at something?
- Yeah.

I married a doctor.

Okay, what happened?

He got stabbed. By me.

I mean, it was... it was an accident.

- It was nothing weird or anything.
- Oh.

- Oh, man.
- What happened?

Uh, she accidentally stabbed him.

Okay, just keep pressure on this.

It was my fault. I reached in.

I mean, it was not even
a-a stab. It was just...

it was just a little slice.

I am so hungry.

Do you see that?

Wade's life is leaking down his arm.

- Oh, my God...
- No. No.

No! No! No!

- Stop it!
- No!

- Is he okay?
- Y-Yeah.

- It's just...
- Okay.

Okay. There's an owl out there.

- So?
- S...

It looks like my grandma.

- What?
- The mean one.

How does it look?

Uh, well, Wade's gonna
be fine, and I think

my husband's having a psychotic break.

He ain't psychotic. He's baked.

- Narc
- BEN: He ate too many edibles after work.

He did what?

- Narc!
- Forrest.

Seriously?

I should probably finish up dinner.

I'll help you. Here, just, uh... Whoa.

- Oh. No, I'm good.
- Slowly.

- Got it?
- Yeah, I'm good.

- I'm all right.
- Do I smell meatballs?

- What are you doing here?
- And who gave you

permission to walk
over here in the dark?

It's not dark dark yet.

And I'm not a little kid anymore.

I'm a tween.

Honey, you've got to
stop saying "tween."

I'm still trying to figure
out what you're doing here.

We were all playing hide-and-seek,

and I was hiding in the cabinet
for an hour all by myself.

When I finally came out,

they were all doing TikToks.

They didn't even look for me.

So I came over here.

You guys get me.

Noah, man, you can't just...

Ben, no one even looked for him.

It's okay, honey.

Why don't you go in Wade's office

and watch some monster truck races.

They think I attacked you, don't they?

They think you're dating some, like,

- deranged stabbing person, don't they?
- No.

No, no, they don't. They...

Okay, yeah. Maybe-maybe a little.

Look, they're just... They're
still trying to figure you out,

and it's...

it's my fault.

No. It's my fault. I
thought you wanted me

to pretend to be somebody I'm not.

Shannon, I would never, ever
want you to feel that way.

You are funny. You are...

you're confident.

You're a great cook, and, okay, look,

you're just amazing.

And they would see that

i-if I'd just gotten out of the way.

I'm sorry. I was trying too hard

because I-I just like you so much.

I really do.

How's my little Snoop Dogg?

Thank you. Thank you.

Mmm. Mmm.

So, why didn't you tell me?

I'm not that judgmental, right?

I was just embarrassed, you know?

I mean, I let...

I let a bunch of coworkers...

children, they're little children...

peer pressure me into eating ebidles.

E-Ebidle. Ebidles. Ebidles.

- Ebidles. What is it?
- Edibles.

- Edibles. Edibles.
- There it is.

Ooh, I thought I lost it.

Well,

I mean, we all want to fit in.

Yeah, but, I mean, come on,

you would never do anything that dumb.

Okay.

Remember that party I went to
at Rosalie's house last year?

- Yeah.
- Well,

it turned out to be one of
those, uh, Botox parties.

Oh, I thought you were
gonna say "lesbian."

- No.
- Okay, go ahead.

And I was like, "Uh, no,
thank you. Hard pass."

And the girls were like,

"Delia, don't be such a chicken!"

And, you know...

Oh, they bawked you.

They bawked me, and so, uh...

I did it.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

I just thought you were, like,

really, uh, you know,
serene for a month.

No, that's not me.

No, no. Botox.

- Mm-hmm.
- So you're not mad?

No. Do I look mad?

No, but I don't know.
That might be the Botox.

- That was a year ago, Forrest.
- Now you look mad.

It's awful quiet in that kitchen.

- Where'd they go?
- Maybe they went out for some air.

I should do that.

How do we know if this lamb is done?

Check and see if it's squishy.

You check and see if it's squishy.

Okay, I'm gonna turn it off.
Nobody wants an overcooked lamb.

- What?
- What?

Um, I forgot why I went outside,

uh, and I, um... I ran into, uh...

I didn't run into 'em. Imagine.

No, I, uh, I found Wade and
Shannon; I know where they are.

Um...

they're going at it in the garage.

- They're still fighting?
- Opposite.

- Making up?
- Keep going.

- Oh...
- Oh.

- Yeah. Humping.
- Okay.

- Oh.
- Mm-mm.

Wait, what should we
do? Are we gonna act like

we don't know what's going on out there?

What you want me to do,

open the garage door
and turn the hose on 'em?

Can I go?

Geez.

Girls!

What are you doing here?

Oh, um, well, we came here
to get a, to get a game

- to play with Zoe and Kai. Um, Candyland.
- Yeah.

But aren't they in bed now?

That is an excellent point.

We shouldn't wake them up

- No.
- To play a board game.

And so if the young ones are
asleep, what's Noah doing?

Oh, well, Noah...

that's a good question.

He is curled up on the
couch reading a book.

No, I'm not. I'm right here.

Oh, thank God.

Told you he didn't get kidnapped.

No, but he could have been.

And he walked over here all by himself.

I'm so sorry. I'll just take him home.

And because I messed up,
no charge for tonight.

Oh, I know.

And I am so, so sorry
about forgetting you, Noah.

I know how bad it feels to be left out.

Last semester, Lizzie's mom
told us that she was gonna

take us to get frozen yogurt.

How much longer is this story?

It's over.

Look, I'm really sorry for
treating you like a little kid.

You're not. You're a tween.

Finally.

Bye.

Ooh, okay, everybody, be natural.

Forrest, sit down.

- Hey. Hey.
- Hey. Hey, guys.

- Hey, everybody.
- How's it going out there?

With the food, I mean.

Honey, I'm sure it's all good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all, um...

- it's all-all good.
- It's very good.

- Mmm.
- Very, very, very good.

- Oh, the lamb.
- We turned it off.

Oh, thank you. Thanks.

I-I got distracted by
the, um... when, uh...

'cause I forgot.

I forgot... Who's hungry?

I am. I am, I am, I am starving.

I bet you are.

Forrest.

Forrest...

- Whoo!
- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Ah!

Hey, best dinner ever. Thank you.

I am stuffed.

Oh, no, well we're not
done. I still have to put

the finishing touches
on my crème brûlée.

- Oh!
- I will have mine cold.

Yeah, me, too, please.

What, just because she stabbed me

you're afraid she's
gonna set you on fire?

- What? He's being an idiot.
- No way. That's dumb.

The girls did another TikTok,

and this time they let Noah be in it.

That's my boy, hogging the stage.

Hey, we should do a
TikTok and send it to them.

- Wouldn't that be fun?
- Oh, God, Forrest.

- Are you still high?
- Maybe. Yeah, yeah.

No, I'm really... I'm
really, really high.

Hey, check this out. I
make up all my own moves.

Forrest...

- You know, you isolate that.
- No, Forrest, stop it.

I choreographed the
dance at our wedding.

- You did? What?!
- Mm-hmm.

I-I gotta see this.

No. No. Uh-uh.

'Cause I would need...
I would need music...

Yeah, that. Okay.

♪ Get your body on the dance floor ♪

Oh. Okay.

Don't hurt yourselves.

Oh, you guys have been
waiting to bust this out.

That's...

Oh... and you were worried
I was going to embarrass you.

- Point taken.
- Watch this move.

What?!

We're not really a wave.

♪ We all got to lose control. ♪

Synced and corrected by Octavia
- www.addic7ed.com -