Original subtitles

- Previously on

"The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."..

- Tom got in a car accident by our house and broke his ankle.

- Oh, my God. - And so he's gonna

have to have a little surgery to have it,

you know, put back together.

- To thank them, I want to do something nice for them.

And, you know, I'm, like, the world's worst

event planner and non-girly girl,

- Let me just tell you something.

If you ever, ever, ever

think you're gonna be late for Teddi,

just assume that she's not gonna wait for you.

- No, I feel like, you know,

I shouldn't be drinking the wine

out of the champagne glass.

- There are different glasses

for different kinds of drinks for a reason.

- No, it was just... It was an oversight.

I sat there for one hour, Dorit.

- Okay, don't be ridiculous, Teddi.

[upbeat music]

- In this town, fame and money come and go,

but friends should not.

♪ ♪

- Some people call me cold.

But that's not ice... It's diamonds.

♪ ♪

- I believe in an excess of everything,

except moderation.

♪ ♪

- Having the best isn't important to me,

but being my best is.

♪ ♪

- I don't have to buy it, 'cause I already own it.

♪ ♪

- The queen of diamonds

always has an ace up her sleeve.

♪ ♪

[energetic pop music]

♪ ♪

- Hi.

- Good to see you. You look like a rock star.

Oh, I forgot, that's right, you are.

- You're so sweet. How are you, baby?

- Good. How are you? - Nice to see you.

I haven't been over here in a long time.

♪ ♪

- Every time I come here... - Welcome, girls.

- Hi, how are you?

Remember the scene in "Pretty Woman"

when she was shopping and they just wouldn't help her?

- Big, big, mistake. - Yeah.

- That feels like me every day.

- I'm so into velvet right now.

I love that you can wear it year round now.

Who knew? Before, we were breaking the law.

- Now we're in. - So how's Tom doing?

- You know what? He's doing great.

- Oh, good. - His stitches'll be out soon,

and he'll be back at the office.

- Oh, good.

- I've actually enjoyed taking care of Tom.

And he's been nothing but sweet and warm and good.

Yeah, he can be bratty, but at the same time,

there's something very sweet about it.

I like this. - That is very cute.

Let me see the back of it.

- My life changed dramatically after I was married to Tom

because I was now living his life.

I was a cocktail waitress,

and he was my customer for a year

before we ever went out on a date.

So, mother... er, I am "Pretty Woman," okay?

Let's be very serious.

I like this. I'm gonna get this.

I went down to drive Paganis with Dorit.

- You and Dorit together? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

With her driving.

- I swear to God, I'm sexually aroused right now.

- I told you that! I told you, my dick got hard.

- [giggles]

- Can I give you this? Thank you.

But we had a nice time.

You know, PK's 50th birthday party.

- Yeah. - I'm sure you're invited.

And it's a 007 party.

- I'm planning a surprise 50th birthday party for PK.

He's like my James Bond.

- Is it kind of like a 007 theme?

- Yes.

- But, yeah, so we had a nice time.

We drove Paganis.

- Anyone buy one?

- You know they're, like, a couple million bucks?

Something like two to three.

- So, like I said, did anyone buy one?

- No. - Just kidding. [laughs]

- But I did drive it around.

- Oh, my God. - It was cool, though.

- Kyle, it's the first time

I've ever been alone with Dorit.

- She's fun, right? - Yes.

There wasn't that air of sometimes pretension.

It was just Dorit, and, you know,

we had a chance to really communicate.

- All right, girls, so yours is 342.

Yours is 300. - My credit card got stuck.

- Nice seeing you guys.

- Oh, thank you so much, sweetheart.

- Thank you so much. - All right, see you guys soon.

- We didn't have a "Pretty Woman" moment.

They were nice to us. [laughs] - Yeah.

Well, I don't want the old days where they were mean to me.

- No. [both laughing]

♪ ♪

- I have to drink more water. I'm dehydrated.

- Yes, you do.

- I have a question. - Yeah?

- For all of these parts that you're getting...

- Oh, right.

You know, I'm gonna do "Days." - Yes.

- It's gonna go at the same time as "The Middle."

- Okay. - "Days" needs 2.5 days.

- When's the last time you did "Days"?

- Seven years, eight years?

- Oh, it was that long? - Yeah.

- Okay. Okay.

- And then "The Middle" shoots for two to three days.

If you're gonna endure in this business

and you're a woman

and you're turning 40,

you better find something else to do

because this town is built on 20-year-old girls.

- How many times have you gone back

and, like, done the role?

- Twice. - Oh, okay.

- One of the smartest things I've done

is start to branch myself out early in my career

and do things that people offered me

that most people wouldn't have done.

- And then is QVC coming?

- QVC's on the 18th and 19th. - Okay.

- I didn't have any dry spells because I just kept going on

in these different areas...

Okay, watch for it.

Oh, yeah. - Yeah, look at that.

- Mm-hmm, yeah. - Right?

- [laughs] - Okay, Jackie, your turn.

Which made my career lane this big

as opposed to this big.

Oh, my God, are you kidding me?

I just got an email... - Okay.

- From Amelia, and Harry has agreed

to get a puppy.

- Oh, stop it.

- Shut up. - No.

- Lorena!

Look what Harry said we can get.

- [gasps] There's a puppy.

- Look. - Lola.

- Look who came in.

- [sighs deeply]

I mean, Harry's in Canada. He's having a great old time.

He's not here.

And I've got QVC,

I've got "The Middle,"

"Days of our Lives," momager.

Who's gonna take care of the puppy?

- You are, and you're gonna love it.

- No, I'm not.

You want to add a puppy into the mix?

Do you want to kill me?

Do you... Like, what?

Who's taking care of it? - Me.

I will just be its fairy godmother.

[string music]

♪ ♪

- Hey, Teddi.

- Hi, how's it going?

Thanks for having me. This is so great.

- So I've got this guy.

Do you want to trot round here with him?

- Sure.

♪ ♪

What an awesome experience.

So, you can just... Whenever you come stay...

- No, they just do it for me.

When I found out there were stables...

And I said, "Can I bring"...

I do it, like, every few weeks...

Come down here so I can spend time with my friends.

I absolutely love

the Fairmont Grand Hotel in Del Mar

because I can actually spend the night

right next to my horse, which I can't do at home

because he's in a stables 45 minutes away.

And so I love that, and I do it as often as I can.

- So these saddles are different than what I ride in

because they're dressage saddles.

You're a good rider. - [clicking tongue]

No, not like you. - Yes.

You do not give yourself enough credit.

- Oh, please,

I've been riding for years, but I'm not like you.

- Well...

I've rode my whole life. It's different.

- I love the fact that you're into it.

To have a friend that rides with you is great.

Come on, let's go up there.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, this is like a little mini paradise here.

- Let's go down here. - Oh, cool.

♪ ♪

- Shh.

- Nice to kind of get away from all the noise

that LA can bring. - Yeah.

My horse is obsessed with... Obsessed.

- Hey, did you want something to eat?

Prince, it is not lunch.

- He only speaks French. [shouts in French]

- Oh, sorry, I took six years of French.

This is what I know... bonjour.

- No, really? - [laughs]

- Yes, Prince.

Never had a horse that I feel so safe on as him.

Should we have some tea or something?

- Perfect. I would love that.

[mellow music]

- How often do you ride?

- Well, now it's been hard with work and the kids and stuff,

but I try to ride at least once or twice a week.

- Okay, Gig.

- Hi, Gig.

- Oh, yes. - Very first-class treatment.

I would need zero hands

to show how many times Edwin has served

my guests and I. [laughs]

Oh, thanks, guys. Such a little treat.

- I know.

Come eat a bit of a muffin, come on.

- I'm not eating a muffin. - Really?

- Mm-mm. - Teddi told me

that she was 200 pounds once.

- 200 pounds? I can't believe that.

- Well, you just don't look like you're that body type.

- It happened.

- Oh, my God, thanks for the spa day,

but it had to be, like, the least relaxing day

I've ever experienced.

- It definitely was not relaxing.

I don't like feeling like... [dog barks]

I have to be something else

to make other people feel comfortable.

I already am awkward enough hosting people at my home.

In the big scheme of things, I would've loved to say...

Like, our beach house is about to become available.

We've had renters in it all summer.

- Where is it? Where's the beach house?

- It's in Orange County. It's, like, in Dana Point.

- All right, lovely. - Nice.

- I'm obsessed with our beach house

because it's the perfect family home.

It's beautiful there. It's right on the sand.

It's in this beautiful gated community.

We can sleep with the doors open... it's safe.

It's kind of everything we wanted,

and it's the perfect getaway

for when we want to leave Los Angeles.

I would love to be able to say, "That was such a fun day.

I would love to invite everybody to my beach house."

- But you wouldn't do that? - No, not right now.

I don't want to have to worry what wine glass goes where.

- Yeah, but you know what? Teddi, come on.

[silly music]

- We'll see. I may just have to keep it small.

- I don't understand. Who cares?

It's like saying,

"You don't want to get in my Rolls-Royce because it's dirty?

Really? (BLEEP) off."

Who else has got a beach house?

- Maybe it's my own thing,

but when I come in and somebody says,

"Oh, they poured my wine in the wrong glass."

- I love how I got it in the champagne glass.

Thank you very much. - Oh, did we both...

We both switched it off.

I'm like, "I don't... ing care. Then go take it"...

- Who said that? - It doesn't matter.

- Now I'm really interested. Who said that?

- I'm not gonna tell you, Lisa.

- Oh, for God's sake. - But the point is...

- Don't give me a little bit and then take it away.

- Whomever it was,

they poured the drink in the wrong glass,

and I remember thinking in that moment, "Ugh."

- I think I know who it is.

- I'll just be sipping my tea. - It wouldn't be Dorit...

because she wouldn't mind

what glass she drank the rosé out of.

- What do you think, Giggy?

♪ ♪

- Coming up...

- Boy George said,

"I think you and I should sing 'Fever.'"

- Uh, okay.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Corey, is it as good inside as it is outside?

- Of course.

How you doing? How are you, babe?

- My God, it's huge!

Just seeing this as he's walking up.

Hello.

- How are you? Welcome. I'm John Jacob.

- Hi. Dorit Kemsley.

I want this party to be extravagant.

It's PK's 50th birthday party.

- Hey. - Whoo!

- I'm dressed up for boating. What are you dressed up for?

- You look gorgeous.

So, with this idea in mind...

That I want a very exclusive, glamorous event.

- We have an ice bar coming in over here,

a caviar station.

- Champagne, caviar. - Champagne.

- Lisa Vanderpump is, like,

the best person for me to go to.

- PK's gonna love this when he gets the bill.

[laughter]

Oh, my God, this caviar is so good.

Happy birthday, PK.

- I guess a responsible amount of money

for a birthday party is somewhere

in between a Ranger Rover and a Rolls-Royce.

Okay, let's go see the other floors, yeah?

- So this is the dining room.

- How many people is this set for right now?

- This is really set for 225.

- Oh, good. I've got 100. - Oh, wow.

- So this is not gonna be super tight, Lisa.

- Yeah, yeah. - I wanted it really...

For us to be able to move... - Yes.

- And not feel claustrophobic. - Sure.

- Over here, we have high boys down the center

then a lounge section, cigar.

- Also, PK and I are gonna fly over the boat in a helicopter.

- Is it landing over here?

- No, we can't land on the boat, yeah.

- Pier 52 is over there.

- How long does it take from LA?

- It's rush hour. - Oh, it's rush hour, sh...

- Dorit needs to focus,

and sometimes I find she gets a little scattered.

This is typical Dorit.

- Should we go downstairs quickly?

- She's flying in people

from London as a surprise.

She wants PK to arrive on a helicopter.

- So you have a craps table, roulette table.

You have your band over there. - Yeah.

- Dessert buffet station.

- You know, there's only a few days to do it in.

Oh, right, anything else you want to do this week?

- Lisa, Boy George said,

"I think you and I should sing 'Fever.'"

- Uh, okay.

- I spoke to Erika today.

I'm like, "George wants me to sing.

Do you have any advice for me?"

- Do you need help? - Maybe, I might.

- I can help you. - Really?

- Yeah, of course. Like, Mikey and I can help you

move around a little. - Oh, that sounds fun.

- He'd be perfect for that sh...

He did it for years with the Dolls.

- Ugh.

- So you're telling me not to do it?

- She's not a good friend of yours... I'm a good friend.

I'm telling you, don't embarrass yourself.

- Yes, but you're not a singer. How are you gonna help me?

- Have you seen the kind of moves she does?

She's crawling on all fours with her ass in the air.

- I feel nervous.

- I feel nervous for you. - Yeah.

You should be encouraging me, sweetheart.

- You know, Teddi came down to go riding with me.

- Please don't tell me she's still bothered

about me being late and... - No.

I don't think she's used to entertaining at her house.

Somebody was worried about what glass

they were drinking out of.

- Is that what she said?

That was me. - That was you?

It wasn't a big deal. She didn't say Dorit said that.

I had not a clue it was you.

I mean, not everybody feels as comfortable,

you know, around lavish kind of lifestyles.

- My friends don't do things they don't want to do

to try and impress someone.

And if you are,

then you're already putting the wrong foot forward.

- She's sweet, though. - She is sweet.

I didn't think we had a problem.

This is all very new to me.

- No, hold on a second. No, no.

Stop right there. There's not a problem.

I cannot stress that. - But, Lisa...

- She just said, "I don't feel comfortable."

And I respect that. - But then why is she doing it?

I don't understand.

- But she wasn't creating a problem.

- And I mentioned about the glass, Lisa, very simply,

because I do pay attention to those things.

- Look, Dorit, like myself,

has enjoyed the finer things in life,

and there's nothing wrong with that.

I don't think she should be putting Teddi down,

but if she just wants the right drink out of the right glass,

I don't think that makes her judgmental

and high maintenance, personally.

She's like a kick-back type of girl, do you know what I mean?

Like, what you're doing here for PK now

she wouldn't normally do... She wouldn't do that.

- Well, what the hell does that matter to me?

I don't give a sh... - Ugh.

- I'm finding her to be a little bit tightly wound.

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Thank you.

- I wonder if they're here yet.

Are we late or on time?

- Um, a little, but not much.

- Hi. - How are you?

- Hi, guys.

- Good. How are you? - Good to see you.

- Hey. How are you doing? - Good to see you.

- I'm sorry we're a little late.

- Oh, no worries. - Oh no, we didn't even notice.

It's different. I'm with my husband.

- Oh, my God, I heard about that.

- Only six minutes. Just kidding. [laughs]

- It was an hour.

- To me, the Beverly Hills grace period is ten minutes,

because there's always traffic and it's unpredictable.

But 15 or 20 minutes, you're rude.

- Margarita on the rocks, no salt,

and then I'll have the same thing,

but with a little salt on the rim.

- You got it. - You order for her?

- [laughs] - Aw.

- You order for me. - I know. That's...

- All right, I'm gonna have the chilled asparagus,

the beets, broccolini,

and let's get a salmon, and I'll have a bite.

- Okay. - Absolutely.

- Can I have the skirt steak, and he'll have the skirt steak.

The gentleman will have the skirt steak.

- You got it.

- What's going on with the beach house?

- [scoffs] I haven't even talked to you about it yet...

- Yeah, what are we doing?

- I'm coming for a sleepover. - Yeah, so...

- It's a cottage.

It's, like, a five-bedroom with...

Two of the rooms are twin beds.

- I'd love to see Lisa Vanderpump

sleep in the same... [laughter]

- Like, I am a casual person,

and I like easygoing things.

Like, I don't have to be the perfect host,

and my other friends know that,

and they like me because of it.

- Anyway, honey, it's PK's 50th birthday.

It's a surprise.

- I haven't told him yet either.

It's on Wednesday.

- You need to pretend I never told you.

- What did you just tell me? - Thank you.

- You guys have been together how long now?

- Eight years?

- Yeah, almost nine years.

- Two months after we were dating,

she tells me that her dad is John Mellencamp,

- I didn't say it like that. - No, no, you didn't.

- I was not picturing you saying that, trust me.

- And there's this black SUV,

and, like, three big-ass dudes come out.

Then I see John dressed in black with some black shades.

Holy sh... This guy's... - John Mellencamp.

- It's John... ing Mellencamp.

- He was like... [squeals awkwardly]

[laughter]

He said two lines to you within the first ten minutes.

He was like, "One, I did a background check."

And then he had... The big security guard

in front of him goes like this...

- Like, krrr!

- For as long as I can remember,

any boy, man, friend, anyone that came into my life

my dad made it clear... Don't eff with my daughter.

- So Spanish is your first language, like my husband.

[both speaking Spanish]

- I can understand a little bit, guys.

- You understand that?

- She speaks Spanish perfect.

- Don't you love when they speak Spanish?

- That made me... I was like,

"Okay, let's wrap this dinner up."

[laughter]

- I mean, he could say anything, like...

[speaking Spanish]

And I'm like, love it.

- In the bedroom, she understands.

[laughter]

- All she knows is...

- Coming up...

- Turn and walk away from his ass 'cause you don't need him.

It's like tango, it's like hooking on Sunset.

- You people are crazy.

[mellow music]

- [whispering] Honestly,

my heart can't take the stress anymore.

I promise you.

- [whispering indistinctly]

- Don't even look over me. You're freaking me out.

I've got to sit here.

Where is he? I don't know where he is.

- I think he's in there. - But the thing is...

I'm going to rehearse with George.

- Oh, yeah, okay. - So he has no idea.

He keeps asking me, "Where are you going?"

I said, "Oh, I want to take George shopping."

- [giggles]

- I've got my in-laws on a plane right now.

My parents fly in today.

All of his friends arrive today.

PK's gonna be so surprised when he sees his parents,

because neither one of them like to fly,

let alone 12 hours.

My phone is gonna be flooding.

[computer beeps]

♪ ♪

- Baby? - [squeaks]

You know, I had my eyes tested. - No.

- Oh, honey, they're a woman's...

- You hate them? George?

George, do you like these glasses?

- Yeah, I do. - What?

- I think they could be a little bit bigger.

They're a bit small on your head.

- You don't like them? - Did you go alone?

- Yeah.

- Hello. PK, you should never go shopping on your own.

- Ever.

PK, George and I are going out.

[upbeat music]

- Where you guys going tonight?

- It's an agency event at one of Mauricio's properties.

♪ ♪

[dog barking] - Oh, goodness, hi.

Hello?

- Pardon my appearance.

Welcome to my gorgeous home. - It's quite lovely. Wow.

- Can you believe this? - Look at your marble.

- [sighs] - [gasps]

- That is not the way it's supposed to be.

I'm not even kidding right now.

- What? Really? - Where's the black?

White, black, white black...

- Uh-oh.

- My house is a disaster zone.

I may be moving.

I mean, the floors were only

phase one of the renovation.

And I have already been living like this

with my floors for a month and a half.

Come upstairs. I need to...

I mean, at this rate, I'm gonna be here for years like this.

- I could do this in the backroom.

You look so cute. What are you getting ready for?

- I have to go to this event with Mauricio tonight.

My hair... Dorit's trying to get me to cut it.

- I like your hair.

- Dorit's planning... You're going to...

- Going tomorrow night. - Yeah, fun.

- Marina del Rey... That means a boat.

- [gasps] - Right?

- I hate boats... [laughs]

- Oh, no.

- Let's go to Amsterdam on a boat.

No bueno.

- Pick on somebody your own size.

Pick on somebody your own...

♪ ♪

- Dubai on a boat...

No bueno.

Roll your eyes all you want.

- Ugh, I hate this. - I tried.

- Hong Kong on a junk boat.

Big, fat no bueno.

- Don't you ever get in my face, Lisa.

- Dorit, (BLEEP) off.

We're never good on boats.

- I thought you saw the text

from Teddi, inviting us to her house.

- I did. I can't go. - What are you doing?

- I'm doing "Days" and "The Middle."

- She was a little nervous

that some of the ladies in the group...

- The fancy ladies. Oh. - That's what she was feeling...

I think intimidated a little bit by that.

- Oh, yeah, it was an interesting, long invitation,

like, you can stay here or a hotel.

I think she wants everyone to feel comfortable.

"Hi, I don't have everyone's email addresses,

so here is the world's longest text."

With a crying smiley face.

"If you guys are around on Tuesday/Wednesday

"and want to come to Dana Point,

"we'd love to have you.

"If you would be more comfortable,

"you could stay at a nearby hotel.

"I'm not a master chef by any means

"and normally do a pot luck kind of thing.

"I have some wine and margs"... Which are margaritas...

"Cardio workout, shower, bike ride, brunch."

Phew.

"Then head back to LA."

I guess it's funny to do pot luck

from Beverly Hills to Dana Point.

Like, what would you bring? You have to bring a cooler.

- I was thinking to make lasagna.

I guess I do have to bring a cooler.

Do I even own a cooler?

- And what would Vanderpump bring?

- Yeah. - Her chicken.

- Reach inside his bottom. [giggles]

- What do you do with this stuff?

- Put it in your handbag. What do you mean?

- I'll put it in my handbag.

- I can just picture Dorit coming up with a cooler

in her rose-gold Bentley... - Oh, my God.

- Bringing her favorite dish she's made.

- What would be Dorit's favorite dish?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- We're back at it.

- Back at the scene of the crime.

[jazzy remix of "Fever" playing]

- ♪ Never know how much I love you ♪

♪ Never know how much I care ♪

both: ♪ You give me fever ♪

- Huh!

- I don't even know where you are.

- We don't have to do, like, a four-hour version.

We can do a short version.

Hi.

- Hi. - Hi!

- George, this is Mikey.

- George said, "Dorit,

get up on stage and sing with me."

First, I thought, "No way."

- The more into it and the more you sell it,

the better it comes off.

- And then I thought, "My God,

"what a gift to be able to give to PK...

"to see two of his best friends in the world

standing there, belting it out for him."

He deserves it.

- This is, like, the perfect song.

I was like, "You know what? This is a talky song."

- Right. - That's what I told her.

She's like, "I'm not a singer."

I'm like, "That's not the point... act it out."

Channel your best Billie Holiday. [groans oddly]

- Remember, you've got more time than you think.

♪ Never know how much I ♪

- Go very slow. - Follow the beat.

- What if you did the first part

with the mic on the stand?

And then maybe once George joins in,

you can maybe take it off, and he goes, "Ba-dum,"

and we can give you a little hip,

and then you can maybe move around a little bit.

- Sex talk. - Right.

- I like that idea.

I think the most important thing to remember

when you're on stage is eye contact.

You have to look at somebody.

You have to draw the audience in.

You hold this, and you look straight down...

Legs a little wide.

- Like this? - Yeah.

And when you do that, you pull it away.

Stare someone down.

Dare them not to like your performance...

like this one.

- Ow. So sexy. - Watch your teeth.

- Watch your... ing teeth, 'cause you will knock them out.

- Exactly. - Push, push, push your ass up.

- Oh, yeah, honey.

- Yeah? - Yes.

- Yes? [laughs]

- Last verse, I think you should deliver

to him very sultry, and at the very last minute,

you turn and walk away from his ass

'cause you don't need him. - It's like tango.

- Worse. It's like hooking on Sunset.

So you... It's much worse.

- You people are crazy. - [laughing] I know.

- You're actually a lot better than you think.

- Really? - Yeah.

- When you go down and you start giving me

that smize eye, I believe you.

And I've seen a lot of girls drop down to the song.

Walk, diva, Beyoncé.

And work it, work it,

you're singing to the audience, hip, hip, hip, hip.

- When I want to pull it away, it does that.

- Yeah, you want to keep it... You want to keep it right here.

- Now, I don't want you too tipsy for this performance.

- No, I want to nail this.

- Yeah, and then after you're done,

- Boom. - Have a great time.

- Yeah, yeah. - Exactly.

- I think it's gonna be great.

- Coming up...

- We've got to yell "surprise," okay?

- When he sees his parents,

he is going to lose his mind.

- Oh, my God.

[mellow music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]

♪ ♪

Baby?

- Hi, my love.

- Well, come outside.

I'll tell you what you're gonna wear.

- You look lovely, You look gorgeous.

Why have you got me dressed like that, then?

- Because I want you to.

- It's a little bit over the top for dinner, bubba.

- Well, I think you should just go with it.

PK doesn't know anything.

He thinks we're having a casual dinner

on his actual birthday, but he doesn't realize

that I've got a whole huge party.

Honey, what do you think we're doing?

- Party, isn't it?

Hmm?

- I mean, there's a lot of different pieces

that need to happen.

I need to get him there,

and then I need to get him on the helicopter,

from the helicopter onto a yacht,

from the yacht into a speed boat

and to another yacht.

I want you dressed like James Bond

because you are my James Bond.

- I speak like him. That's the only thing.

- No, for me, you are like him.

[electronic music]

♪ ♪

- Jay, make sure you have someone go through

and just make sure everything is even.

- Yeah, we're gonna do that. - Okay, cool.

Here's the other four tables

for the poker tables or blackjack, whatever you need.

♪ ♪

- This is gonna be crazy.

I'll just go sideways.

If I fall in the water, somebody grab me a life vest.

- Hold on. - Slow.

- Ah!

Um...

Isn't there, like, a golf cart?

- Can you not gallop down here?

'Cause I'm on stilts.

Now, good luck with me leaving.

After a couple glasses of champagne...

- Let me just see if I can hold on to this.

- I'm probably gonna end up ass over tit.

- Oh, my God.

All right... Ugh.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Hello. Good to see you. - You look beautiful. Mwah.

- Hi. - How's it going?

- Hello. - Hello.

- Gorgeous girls. - You're looking gorgeous.

♪ ♪

- Hello!

- Hi, honey. - Nice to see you.

- You look cute. Thank you. - You look gorgeous.

- Do you know Rachel, Dorit's mother?

- No, I don't.

- There you go.

- Thank you. - Great, thank you.

Dorit told me a lot about her plans.

It's pretty impressive.

- I think she's trying to beat PK and what he did for her.

[cheering]

- This is your private lounge. - It is so beautiful.

- Happy birthday, darling.

- It's amazing what she's done.

- [laughing] - How are you?

- Always surreal seeing you again.

- I know!

We did "Celebrity Apprentice" together.

- That's right, I watched it. - It was exhausting.

- He did unbelievable. - You did well, you did well.

- I did okay. You know what?

I didn't really even know what I was doing.

So it was kind of fun. - Hope you enjoy yourselves.

I'm Steve Kemsley.

- Hello, Steve. Of course, you're...

I was gonna say, you're PK's brother.

- Nice to meet you.

♪ ♪

- We're moving. - I know.

- But wait. Where are Dorit and PK?

- Do you think they're gonna, like, jump out of cake?

- Isn't this great? - It is great.

- It's $75.

- Where'd you get it?

- I can get you one downtown.

I got one in black as well.

- I bet that's pretty.

- I mean, this...

looks like it's real.

- It does.

It's really plush.

- I mean, this would be great over that suit.

- It would be great on my... - I know!

- I'm thinking the same thing.

I think it's fab. - Isn't it gorgeous?

- Yeah.

- You're so jealous right now. I can tell.

♪ ♪

- Baby, where are we going, honey?

I don't know this area.

[suspenseful music]

Baby, this is an airport.

We're taking a jet somewhere.

We're going to Vegas, aren't we?

[sighs]

- We're not going on an airplane.

- What, we're going in a heli?

♪ ♪

[helicopter whirring] - Happy 50th, baby.

[mellow music]

Wow, it is just beautiful up here, isn't it?

- Amazing, bub. Thank you.

- Hello, everybody.

I'd like to thank you all for being here.

As you know, PK and Dorit are not on the yacht yet,

but he will be flying over us very shortly.

[upbeat music]

- Oh! - There he is.

- Oh, my God, look how cool that is!

♪ ♪

- We're landing on a boat.

- How are you feeling, baby?

♪ ♪

- Thank you, guys. - Sure.

♪ ♪

- Am I going in heels?

- Bobby's gonna come in first, then let you...

- Oh, dear Lord, have mercy on my soul.

- They're alive. - Yes.

- They're on it now. - Oh, yeah.

- It's a momentous moment. - Aw.

- Did you fly over, then, yesterday?

- I came here on Saturday evening.

Um, I knew there was gonna be an event,

but I didn't know any details. - He didn't know you were here?

- He didn't. - Amazing.

That's really sweet.

- [smooches] - I just... I'm clever.

- [giggles]

- But this is your day, too, you know?

- My day is every day when I see my son

and my daughter-in-law.

- Aw.

- Hello, everyone.

- We've got to yell "surprise," okay?

- When he sees his parents,

I know he is going to lose his mind.

♪ ♪

- Where are we going, in here?

- Coming up...

- Georgie.

- Whoo! - Here we go.

- Oh, you're singing?

- We've got to yell

- We've got to yell "surprise," okay?

- Go ahead, my love. - Thank you.

How you doing? Where are we going, in here?

[cheering]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Oh.

[both crying]

You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

- Yeah. - Huh?

- All right, son?

You got a surprise party. - Oh, my God, they're here.

- You can't believe he's here.

- Happy birthday. - Thank you.

- It's too much to take in.

- You did it. Good job. - Oh, my God.

- Girl, you did it. You're halfway through.

- She brought my mum, my dad. - Yeah.

- [crying] - Aw.

- To see PK completely overwhelmed

is just wonderful, really, because normally

he's the caretaker of everybody.

And to see him surprised and so emotional

really makes it all worthwhile.

- Aah!

[laughter]

[muffled chatter]

[crying]

Oh. - Happy birthday, fella.

- [laughs] How are you?

Love you, too.

- I poured my heart and soul into his birthday,

and as emotional and as appreciative as he is...

Means the absolute world to me.

- I had to smuggle my luggage out of your house.

It was hilarious. I was like... - Aw.

Wife's gone... No, he's gone shopping.

- Oh, my God, I'm just sticking my face in the caviar.

- Excuse me.

- Would you like some crème fraiche?

- Yes, babe, just a little bit. - Got to eat it all, Teddi.

- You try it, and you tell me the experience.

I'll live it through you.

- I've been eating it for, like, the last ten minutes.

- These women go weeks without eating,

but put some caviar in front of them,

and next thing you know, they're like... [snorting]

- Hi.

- Oh, look who made it. You made it.

- Did you come in by canoe? - Hi, honey.

For all I know, my husband, like,

Uber-coptered in at this point.

[laughs]

You know, there are Uber-copters.

- What a beautiful table. - I know. Wow.

- Candelabras and flowers... It's gorgeous.

♪ ♪

Hey! - Hello!

- How are you?

- I'm good. - Did you just get here?

- I did, I did. - Did you take a boat?

- I changed in the parking lot. - I love you for that.

- [chuckles]

♪ ♪

- Literally, I have a stomachache about this.

I'm not gonna lie.

- The singing?

- Hey.

Stop flirting with PK's brother.

♪ ♪

- You know, you're the only one

who's discouraging me to do this, Lisa.

- I'm not. I'm just scared for you... [laughs]

I'm actually quite surprised

that Dorit has actually got everything together,

because I was here just a few days ago,

and it was just, like, everything was up in the air.

- Honey, I want you to eat a little something.

- Now she's just got her performance.

I mean, maybe she should quit while she's ahead.

- Let me tell you... - I'm gonna do this for him.

- My wife could not have looked after me better.

I mean, you've given me the most amazing...

- Oh, stop. I'm looking after you now.

Look, here we are... Let me do it for you.

- Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- See, I look after my man, Dorit.

- My goodness, Lisa.

- Are you excited to go back to work?

- I am.

I'm ready to do this, you know? - Of course.

- I'm an actress. It's what I do.

[indistinct chatter]

- All right, just to let everybody know, we can head up.

On the next two levels, we've got a casino waiting for you.

- Yeah.

- And we also have some very special performances coming up,

so everybody head on upstairs.

- I love you, baby,

I'm just gonna go to the restroom.

I have my performance to do.

- Are we going down? Will you just show me where?

- I might just back out last second,

to be perfectly honest.

I'm dying.

[upbeat jazzy music]

- Yay!

- You know what I'm like at keeping secrets.

- You kept this one.

Where's Dorit?

- Hip to hip to hip to hip.

Right, slow, languid, cat-like.

- Whoo-hoo!

♪ ♪

- Oh, I got another one.

- If you feel comfortable, you go down.

And if you get stuck when you're down there,

it's okay to touch.

It's okay to push off your hands.

You know what I'm saying? So just feel it.

- [clears throat]

I just want to have a little sip of water.

- Dorit, it's gonna be adorable.

Just get out there, have fun. Do what we did in rehearsal.

- It's really amazing to have Erika next to me...

Like, "No, Dorit, you've got this.

"You have got this.

You're gonna nail it. You can do this."

Oh, my God.

Her support

is the only thing that's getting me through.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

- I want you to kind of come a little bit in the center.

- Over here? - Just, like, right in there.

- You scare me when you're... - I want you to just do it.

- PK.

- Do not make me cry again. [light laughter]

- I love you so much.

I was not to let your 50th go by

without it being epic.

George, will you come help me?

- Georgie. - This is for you, baby.

- Here we go.

[sultry music playing] - Oh, you're singing?

- Happy birthday, PK.

Both: ♪ You never know how much ♪

♪ I love you ♪

♪ You never know how much I care ♪

- Yeah, Dorit!

Both: ♪ When you put your arms ♪

♪ Around me ♪

♪ I get a fever ♪

♪ That's so hard to bear ♪

♪ You give me fever ♪

[cheering]

- Let me tell you something... It takes a lot of balls

to get up and do something...

Perform at your husband's party.

You're standing next to Boy George.

You've got all your friends there,

your in-laws, your parents.

Both: ♪ Everybody's got the fever ♪

♪ That is something we all know ♪

- So, good for you, Dorit. Hats off.

- ♪ When you put your arms around me ♪

♪ You give me fever that's so hard to bear ♪

both: ♪ You give me fever ♪

[cheering]

- It's...

It's actually not bad.

It's actually better than I expected.

- Yeah! [cheering]

- It was very scary,

but I went, I did it,

and I think I nailed it.

[cheers and applause, whistling]

- You're insane.

- I love you.

- Whoo!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- Cheers.

- Why don't you do the same thing that she did?

Try it.

♪ ♪

- Look all right? - Amazing.

- Dorit got me this. - Wow.

♪ ♪

- Should we have a quick chat?

- Yeah, of course.

♪ ♪

- Hello.

Oh, my goodness.

I feel so good, that it's, like, over now.

- And you made your husband, like...

- So happy.

I wanted to grab you,

because to be honest with you, I really like you.

I feel like you and I get on well.

And then I'd heard a few things.

Lisa Vanderpump told me that you were like,

"Oh, you know, I don't like entertaining.

"There were some guests at my party

"that, you know, were upset about the glass

they were drinking out of."

- Ugh! Here we go again.

[tense music]

- Coming up...

- You're making sh... up!

- It registered to her. - Are you her mouthpiece?

- We're all sitting here talking together.

- No, actually, we're talking.

♪ ♪

[mellow music]

- Lisa Vanderpump told me that you were like,

"Oh, you know, I don't like entertaining.

"There were some guests at my party

"that, you know, were upset

about the glass they were drinking out of."

She said that you didn't say specifically,

and I'm like, "Oh my, God."

- You and I are gonna be a little bit different.

And as long as you can say,

"Yeah, you know what, Teddi?

You're a lot... ing different than I am,

and I like you for that."

The same reason that I'm here supporting you saying,

"I'm impressed by this.

You did something I wouldn't do."

- Hey. - Hi.

- Hi-oh. What's happening? - Glass of Chardonnay.

- We are having a little chitchat,

I feel so relieved.

- Are we interrupting something?

Both: No.

- It means the world to me that you guys were here, though.

Our thing... it's so minute. It's so silly.

I feel like we let it go, but then I hear

from my friends, you know,

that you're having conversations about it.

- I really am somebody that I will just let it go.

- But you obviously do care because it upsets you.

But I'm saying, if you have two glasses there,

then you're obviously stating

there's a difference between wine and champagne.

And then she's just choosing to...

- Thank you, Lisa.

- But, like, I feel like

I'm getting talked down to right now.

- No, you're not, I don't want to do that at all.

No, I'm not talking down to you.

- Well, I felt like...

- The fact that I know a wine glass

other than a champagne glass is etiquette.

Sorry, I know it.

- I know, you're better than me in that.

100%, always. - Stop, it's not being better.

- I don't give a (BLEEP) about the glass.

- I didn't even say it to her, I said it to the waiter.

I don't know where in all of this

I became the villain.

When things aren't a big deal, I don't say it.

- Well, I just... - It registered to her,

which is what made her go, "Oh, my God."

- It registered, which is... - Are you her mouthpiece?

- No, my darling. - Are you her spokesperson?

- No, I'm not. - So why do you keep

chiming in and speaking for her?

- Because we're all sitting here talking together.

- No, actually, we're talking.

- What the hell is Lisa Vanderpump, then?

Are we only allowed to talk if we're only backing Dorit?

I don't understand what's happening here.

- I'm trying to talk to you,

and you can only focus on a glass or whatever it is.

You made me feel a little weird.

- I wasn't, like, sitting there...

"I can't focus on a conversation

because I'm not drinking out of the right glass."

So to say that is actually insulting.

You're flat out... Not only exaggerating...

Lying!

You're making sh... up!

- No. - I would never lie.

- Teddi...

- It's been a nice night.

- It's been a really great night.

- She did a great job tonight.

- I mean, I was so impressed.

- But to put together this whole day...

And then she, you know,

ended it with a cute little performance, and there you go.

- She was calmer and more grounded

than I've ever seen her.

- You are psycho.

You're psycho, honestly.

- Just don't care.

- Don't be looking over at me

with your freakin' glass of water.

- Shut up, I'm drinking water

out of a wine glass... Can you believe?

No, it's sacrilege.

They just keep going around and around,

repeating themselves and saying the same thing

over and over and over.

And then Teddi's like, "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine."

- You guys are all psycho. I'm out of here.

No, she's not fine,

and, no, Dorit's not gonna shut up about it.

Let's be clear.

- Well, I am ready to get off this boat.

- Yes, me too. - I am, too. Can we?

- I've got a kid waiting. - I've got a husband waiting.

- I've got to go. It's late,

I love you madly, I really do.

- Are we fine? Let's just get over it.

- Teddi, I'm not gonna get over it

if you keep acting like a psycho bitch.

You're like, "I'm casual and low maintenance,"

trapped in a freaking, uber...

- Time schedule accountability coach.

- But you're a little bit too high strung.

For crying out loud, it's glass.

Where do we go from here?

- Bye.

Good night. Thank you.

- Thank you. Thank you for being here.

♪ ♪

- Next time

on "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills."..

- Your performance was sensational,

but George loves to sing with singers that can't sing.

- Thanks a lot, bubba.

- This sh... between Dorit and I is like water torture.

- She's sitting there, two against one.

I'm trying to explain. - No, no, no, no.

I'm not against Teddi at all. - I don't mean against.

- You were butting in to a conversation.

- Now I need a freaking interpreter.

I just feel like you guys have, like,

decided to do this to me or something.

- What? - Okay, I'm going.

- Lisa!

- I'm not dealing with this bullsh...

[tense music]

- Maybe you didn't like

that it wasn't about you for a minute.

You were upset we were having a moment.

- This whole thing boils down to three bitches

that are competitive over friendship.

- If Dorit was sitting there crying,

would you have gotten up and left?

- I don't know.

- To learn more about the housewives,

go to bravotv.com.