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1
00:00:01,930 --> 00:00:03,703
Wrong.
2
00:00:03,752 --> 00:00:07,071
Really, girl? You guessing
six dollars for Rice-A-Roni?
3
00:00:07,155 --> 00:00:08,620
I knew it from your nails,
4
00:00:08,705 --> 00:00:10,925
you never been
in a grocery store.
5
00:00:12,856 --> 00:00:15,628
Hey, Tina,
have you seen Malcolm?
6
00:00:15,764 --> 00:00:18,081
I just finished watching
that show Zombie Wars,
7
00:00:18,166 --> 00:00:20,534
and I want to spoil
the ending for him.
8
00:00:20,700 --> 00:00:22,956
Um, yeah, he went shopping.
9
00:00:23,041 --> 00:00:24,721
Oh, good. You know what?
I'll text him
10
00:00:24,806 --> 00:00:27,245
to pick up some Kleenex,
because his favorite character
11
00:00:27,355 --> 00:00:30,473
is about to become
an all-you-can-eat buffet.
12
00:00:31,675 --> 00:00:34,959
Well, it's not exactly
that kind of shopping.
13
00:00:35,043 --> 00:00:38,410
He went to the used car lot
to get himself a car.
14
00:00:38,495 --> 00:00:41,327
Without me?
But I'm the car expert.
15
00:00:41,615 --> 00:00:43,359
If I'm not there to support him,
16
00:00:43,443 --> 00:00:46,300
who gonna tell him
he picked out something stupid?
17
00:00:47,447 --> 00:00:49,104
I know it hurts, babe.
18
00:00:49,188 --> 00:00:51,106
Telling people
they're stupid
19
00:00:51,190 --> 00:00:52,886
is one of your favorite things.
20
00:00:54,117 --> 00:00:56,183
But Malcolm is a grown man.
21
00:00:56,268 --> 00:00:58,099
We've got to let him
make his own choices.
22
00:00:58,184 --> 00:01:01,056
I don't know, babe.
It sounds stupid.
23
00:01:01,820 --> 00:01:04,043
Calvin, come on. This
is important to him.
24
00:01:04,128 --> 00:01:05,519
He's been working hard.
25
00:01:05,682 --> 00:01:08,004
He saved up enough money
to do this on his own.
26
00:01:08,130 --> 00:01:10,211
We need to be
supportive of him,
27
00:01:10,296 --> 00:01:12,089
no matter what car
he comes home with.
28
00:01:12,174 --> 00:01:13,386
Fine.
29
00:01:13,471 --> 00:01:16,782
But those used car dealers
are gonna eat him alive.
30
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,479
Just like those zombies did
to that family
31
00:01:18,563 --> 00:01:20,348
that was hiding under
the canoe!
32
00:01:22,745 --> 00:01:23,886
Ooh, that's him!
33
00:01:23,971 --> 00:01:25,323
Let's go see what he got.
34
00:01:25,633 --> 00:01:27,682
I don't know.
From the sounds of that horn,
35
00:01:27,816 --> 00:01:30,730
I'm guessing it's this big
and full of clowns.
36
00:01:33,884 --> 00:01:35,802
Hey, check it out, guys.
37
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,114
What do you think?
38
00:01:40,587 --> 00:01:43,111
Oh, hell yeah!
Hell no!
39
00:01:44,331 --> 00:01:45,629
What?
40
00:01:45,714 --> 00:01:47,472
We not being
supportive anymore?
41
00:01:47,735 --> 00:01:48,914
Well, in that case,
42
00:01:49,006 --> 00:01:51,487
the preacher in your
zombie show dies.
43
00:01:52,931 --> 00:01:55,394
♪ Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ♪
44
00:01:55,479 --> 00:01:56,878
♪ Welcome to the hood. ♪
*THE NEIGHBORHOOD*
45
00:01:56,963 --> 00:01:58,136
Season 03 Episode 07
Title: "Welcome to the Motorcycle"
46
00:01:58,237 --> 00:01:59,942
You bought a motorcycle?
47
00:02:00,104 --> 00:02:01,628
What the hell
were you thinking?
48
00:02:01,713 --> 00:02:03,034
Yeah, Malcolm.
49
00:02:03,126 --> 00:02:05,713
Oh, you got
the chrome exhaust on it.
50
00:02:05,942 --> 00:02:06,990
Malcolm, you said
51
00:02:07,073 --> 00:02:08,642
that you were gonna get
a used car.
52
00:02:08,727 --> 00:02:10,751
I know, Ma. And
I was going to.
53
00:02:10,853 --> 00:02:12,173
But then I saw this.
54
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:15,049
And I realized this
face is too sexy
55
00:02:15,134 --> 00:02:17,174
to be hiding
behind a windshield.
56
00:02:17,991 --> 00:02:21,548
You are taking that back
this instant. Right, Calvin?
57
00:02:21,633 --> 00:02:23,932
Huh? What?
58
00:02:26,532 --> 00:02:27,689
Look,
59
00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:30,010
I'm sorry, Ma,
but I'm not taking it back.
60
00:02:30,165 --> 00:02:32,240
Excuse me?
61
00:02:32,783 --> 00:02:34,143
Did you already crash?
62
00:02:34,228 --> 00:02:36,463
'Cause I think
you got brain damage.
63
00:02:37,321 --> 00:02:39,622
Ma, I paid for this
with my own money,
64
00:02:39,722 --> 00:02:41,894
- and it's my decision, not yours.
- Whoa, whoa.
65
00:02:41,978 --> 00:02:44,392
Malcolm, come on. Don't talk
to your mother like that.
66
00:02:44,477 --> 00:02:45,900
Now, you're taking it back.
67
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,264
But before you do,
let me sit on it.
68
00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:50,474
Calvin, don't you dare.
69
00:02:50,704 --> 00:02:52,431
Come on, Tina.
70
00:02:52,556 --> 00:02:54,564
You got to admit,
it's pretty cool.
71
00:02:54,649 --> 00:02:56,785
What is it with men
and motorcycles?
72
00:02:56,870 --> 00:02:58,646
Anybody with half a brain
73
00:02:58,731 --> 00:03:01,204
knows that there is nothing cool
about them.
74
00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:02,736
Whoa!
75
00:03:02,878 --> 00:03:04,618
That is so cool.
76
00:03:08,697 --> 00:03:09,919
What'd I do?
77
00:03:10,004 --> 00:03:11,356
I'll tell you what you did.
78
00:03:11,581 --> 00:03:14,025
You gave me a chance
to sit on this bad boy.
79
00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,571
All right, well,
let me get on behind you, then.
80
00:03:16,711 --> 00:03:18,946
- Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
81
00:03:22,665 --> 00:03:24,247
Oh, hey.
Where were you?
82
00:03:24,332 --> 00:03:27,056
Over at Tina's trying
to calm her down.
83
00:03:27,248 --> 00:03:28,954
How'd it go?
84
00:03:29,038 --> 00:03:30,493
I thought a glass
of wine might help,
85
00:03:30,578 --> 00:03:31,900
but then she finished
the bottle,
86
00:03:31,985 --> 00:03:34,030
and it went the other way.
87
00:03:35,169 --> 00:03:37,261
You know,
I know it's dangerous,
88
00:03:37,345 --> 00:03:39,960
but that bike is so cool.
89
00:03:40,165 --> 00:03:43,006
Remember when you used
to pick me up on yours?
90
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,878
It was so exciting.
Racing around town,
91
00:03:45,962 --> 00:03:47,821
zigzagging through traffic.
92
00:03:48,030 --> 00:03:51,001
Yeah. I miss that Vespa.
93
00:03:53,057 --> 00:03:56,111
We used to do so many
crazy things like that.
94
00:03:56,282 --> 00:03:58,940
Remember when we went
skinny-dipping in Lake Michigan?
95
00:03:59,025 --> 00:04:01,119
Oh, I sure do. That was
the summer I learned
96
00:04:01,204 --> 00:04:02,986
that catfish can bite.
97
00:04:03,969 --> 00:04:07,126
Wow. That all feels like
a million years ago.
98
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:08,454
Yeah.
99
00:04:08,678 --> 00:04:10,422
What happened
to those people?
100
00:04:10,944 --> 00:04:13,425
Well, one of us
went to the ER.
101
00:04:15,384 --> 00:04:19,347
Gemma, is it possible
that we've gotten boring?
102
00:04:19,431 --> 00:04:21,218
What?! No.
103
00:04:21,372 --> 00:04:23,282
We went to a party
just last weekend.
104
00:04:23,367 --> 00:04:26,275
Gemma, we were chaperones
at Grover's school dance.
105
00:04:27,571 --> 00:04:29,096
Yeah, and thanks to us,
106
00:04:29,180 --> 00:04:31,931
now they all know
the Cabbage Patch.
107
00:04:35,286 --> 00:04:37,071
I'm serious.
108
00:04:37,298 --> 00:04:38,722
You know,
we haven't done anything crazy
109
00:04:38,806 --> 00:04:40,181
in the longest time.
110
00:04:40,321 --> 00:04:41,977
We're as lame
as that fifth grader
111
00:04:42,062 --> 00:04:44,325
who got pantsed
on the dance floor.
112
00:04:45,321 --> 00:04:46,775
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
113
00:04:46,860 --> 00:04:49,118
We're parents now.
We have responsibilities.
114
00:04:49,486 --> 00:04:51,553
Well, actually,
tonight, we don't.
115
00:04:51,637 --> 00:04:53,486
You know, Grover's
at a sleepover.
116
00:04:53,571 --> 00:04:55,881
We can do whatever we want.
117
00:04:55,966 --> 00:04:57,057
Like what?
118
00:04:57,142 --> 00:04:58,525
I don't know. Like...
119
00:04:59,123 --> 00:05:00,462
go to Vegas.
120
00:05:00,547 --> 00:05:02,611
Seriously?
121
00:05:02,696 --> 00:05:03,918
Yeah. Why not?
122
00:05:04,003 --> 00:05:06,617
Look, if we fly,
we can be there in an hour.
123
00:05:06,845 --> 00:05:07,960
It would be fun
124
00:05:08,053 --> 00:05:10,048
to party somewhere
that isn't a cafeteria.
125
00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:12,704
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
126
00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:14,489
What do you say?
127
00:05:14,573 --> 00:05:15,782
Let's do it.
128
00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:17,432
- I'll go pack my stuff.
- All right.
129
00:05:17,516 --> 00:05:20,820
You do that. 'Cause tonight,
the Johnsons are getting crazy!
130
00:05:22,712 --> 00:05:25,453
Right after I check
our air miles.
131
00:05:30,743 --> 00:05:32,637
Oh, hey, babe.
What's for dinner?
132
00:05:32,721 --> 00:05:35,423
Dinner? My baby's out there
on a death machine,
133
00:05:35,507 --> 00:05:38,368
and I'm sitting here helpless.
Who can think about dinner?
134
00:05:39,009 --> 00:05:41,600
Well, off the top
of my head, me.
135
00:05:42,578 --> 00:05:43,814
Calvin!
136
00:05:43,899 --> 00:05:47,743
I'm sorry, babe. Look, I know
that you're upset and scared,
137
00:05:47,931 --> 00:05:50,337
and I want to be sensitive,
so...
138
00:05:50,703 --> 00:05:52,792
I'll just order in.
139
00:05:53,423 --> 00:05:54,838
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
140
00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:56,080
What do you think you're doing?
141
00:05:56,164 --> 00:05:58,758
- Watching the game.
- Oh, no, you are not.
142
00:05:58,938 --> 00:06:00,714
This stays off
143
00:06:00,799 --> 00:06:03,022
so I can listen for sirens.
144
00:06:03,144 --> 00:06:04,278
Tina, come on.
145
00:06:04,439 --> 00:06:05,888
Sit down.
You're driving yourself crazy.
146
00:06:05,972 --> 00:06:06,673
You need to relax.
147
00:06:06,758 --> 00:06:08,371
No, do not tell
me to relax.
148
00:06:08,456 --> 00:06:11,376
None of this would've happened
if you had backed me up today.
149
00:06:11,610 --> 00:06:13,134
Whoa, hold up, now.
150
00:06:13,391 --> 00:06:14,798
Weren't you the one
that said
151
00:06:14,883 --> 00:06:16,571
that Malcolm's
a grown man
152
00:06:16,656 --> 00:06:19,227
and we need to let him
make his own decisions?
153
00:06:19,327 --> 00:06:20,743
Yeah, but that was before
I knew
154
00:06:20,828 --> 00:06:23,008
he would make
such a dumbass decision.
155
00:06:23,806 --> 00:06:26,368
Okay, babe, I know
where you're coming from.
156
00:06:26,453 --> 00:06:28,025
I want him to be safe, too.
157
00:06:28,110 --> 00:06:30,724
Then, Calvin, why aren't you
doing anything about it?
158
00:06:30,809 --> 00:06:32,479
Well, what do you want me to do?
159
00:06:32,564 --> 00:06:34,786
Put a boot on it?
Set it on fire?
160
00:06:34,870 --> 00:06:36,397
Run over it with my truck?
161
00:06:36,481 --> 00:06:38,111
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, all that.
162
00:06:38,723 --> 00:06:40,878
Look, Tina,
163
00:06:40,963 --> 00:06:42,220
I know that you're worried,
164
00:06:42,305 --> 00:06:45,142
but the truth of the matter is
there's nothing we can do.
165
00:06:45,272 --> 00:06:46,624
It's out of our hands.
166
00:06:46,708 --> 00:06:49,212
You're right. It's
in God's hands.
167
00:06:49,297 --> 00:06:51,337
Exactly. Get your keys. We're
going to church.
168
00:06:51,422 --> 00:06:53,150
- What?
- Mm-hmm.
169
00:06:53,235 --> 00:06:55,110
As long as Malcolm
is on that bike,
170
00:06:55,195 --> 00:06:57,493
we're going there every day
to pray for his safety.
171
00:06:57,711 --> 00:06:59,571
But why do we have to go
to the church?
172
00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:01,290
God is like Wi-Fi.
173
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:02,942
He's everywhere.
174
00:07:05,424 --> 00:07:07,342
Calvin, we're going.
175
00:07:07,544 --> 00:07:09,454
Now, let me go
grab my Bible.
176
00:07:11,259 --> 00:07:14,564
Well, the Rams
are a 12-point underdog.
177
00:07:14,649 --> 00:07:16,595
I was gonna be praying anyway.
178
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:21,423
Here we go, our deluxe room
179
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:22,923
- with a view of the Strip.
- Oh,
180
00:07:23,008 --> 00:07:25,212
thanks, Marco, but we didn't
come to look at the Strip.
181
00:07:25,297 --> 00:07:27,804
We came to tear it up.
182
00:07:28,695 --> 00:07:31,212
That's right.
The city that never sleeps
183
00:07:31,297 --> 00:07:33,242
is about to get a wake-up call.
184
00:07:33,799 --> 00:07:36,898
Okay. That's New York,
but I hear you.
185
00:07:37,632 --> 00:07:39,211
Ooh! Uh, hey, Marco.
186
00:07:39,296 --> 00:07:42,041
Where do the, uh,
young, fun people
187
00:07:42,286 --> 00:07:43,468
like us
188
00:07:43,578 --> 00:07:44,931
do their thing?
189
00:07:45,648 --> 00:07:47,156
Just no foam parties.
190
00:07:47,264 --> 00:07:49,547
Uh, I-I rash easily.
191
00:07:50,351 --> 00:07:52,774
Well, we do have three
nightclubs downstairs.
192
00:07:52,859 --> 00:07:54,301
I'd be happy to
make a reservation
193
00:07:54,385 --> 00:07:55,415
at any one of them for you.
194
00:07:55,499 --> 00:07:56,976
One of them?
195
00:07:57,061 --> 00:07:59,154
Book all three,
and warn them
196
00:07:59,239 --> 00:08:01,415
that the Johnsons
are in town.
197
00:08:02,173 --> 00:08:04,395
Got it. The Johnsons
are in town.
198
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:06,140
No foam.
199
00:08:07,437 --> 00:08:09,695
Oh,
this is so exciting.
200
00:08:09,780 --> 00:08:12,351
Well, it's about to get
more exciting, because...
201
00:08:12,914 --> 00:08:14,492
look what I packed.
202
00:08:15,178 --> 00:08:17,226
- What is it?
- It's my bathing suit
203
00:08:17,311 --> 00:08:19,390
from when
we went skinny-dipping.
204
00:08:21,531 --> 00:08:23,242
And it still fits.
205
00:08:23,484 --> 00:08:25,820
Oh, babe.
206
00:08:27,322 --> 00:08:29,065
Okay. So, you ready
to hit the town?
207
00:08:29,150 --> 00:08:31,775
Let me just freshen up first.
I want to be nice and clean
208
00:08:31,860 --> 00:08:33,778
for when we get down
and dirty.
209
00:08:34,244 --> 00:08:36,268
Oh, we're gonna
get down and dirty.
210
00:08:36,353 --> 00:08:39,416
Just like when we fell
in that puddle on my Vespa.
211
00:08:43,861 --> 00:08:44,916
Stay tuned
212
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:47,518
as the Forensic Mysteries
marathon continues.
213
00:08:49,041 --> 00:08:52,104
Ooh! Ooh, I love
Forensic Mysteries.
214
00:08:52,189 --> 00:08:54,127
The host is so cheesy.
215
00:08:54,227 --> 00:08:56,624
"When the DNA results arrived,
216
00:08:56,708 --> 00:09:01,158
it was curtains
for the interior designer."
217
00:09:02,931 --> 00:09:05,154
I love it how he always steps
out of the shadows
218
00:09:05,238 --> 00:09:06,460
to tell us the surprise twist.
219
00:09:06,544 --> 00:09:08,026
I never see it coming.
220
00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:09,506
The twist or the host.
221
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:12,705
Well, it's still early.
Let's just watch one episode
222
00:09:12,798 --> 00:09:14,998
- before we go.
- Oh, yeah, sure. We have plenty of time.
223
00:09:18,556 --> 00:09:21,440
He gets me every time.
224
00:09:25,354 --> 00:09:27,838
Oh, hang on there, Malcolm.
I want to ask you something.
225
00:09:28,216 --> 00:09:29,650
Look, I already
told you, Pop.
226
00:09:29,735 --> 00:09:32,564
I'm not taking any more pictures
of you on the bike.
227
00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:36,698
Son, I know
you love this bike,
228
00:09:36,783 --> 00:09:39,710
but you riding it around
is worrying your mother sick.
229
00:09:39,794 --> 00:09:42,705
I know, Pop. But
come on, man, you get it.
230
00:09:42,877 --> 00:09:44,308
Can't you just go in
there and talk to her?
231
00:09:44,392 --> 00:09:46,894
I tried,
but you know your mother.
232
00:09:46,979 --> 00:09:49,503
Once she makes up her mind
about something, that's it.
233
00:09:49,634 --> 00:09:51,713
How do you think
we got Marty?
234
00:09:53,204 --> 00:09:54,376
All right, well,
235
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:56,472
just tell her not
to worry, okay?
236
00:09:56,557 --> 00:09:57,979
And I promise you,
I'll be safe.
237
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,682
Okay, look, Malcolm,
let's just go back down there
238
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,393
and get you a car
just as cool as the motorcycle.
239
00:10:03,713 --> 00:10:05,649
If you put the windows down
and wear your helmet,
240
00:10:05,733 --> 00:10:07,608
you'll barely notice
the difference.
241
00:10:09,416 --> 00:10:11,046
So, instead of a motorcycle,
242
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:14,143
you want me to drive a used car
while wearing a helmet?
243
00:10:14,517 --> 00:10:17,128
You can't tell me
that won't turn heads.
244
00:10:18,265 --> 00:10:21,535
Look, I'm sorry, Pop, but this
is what I want, all right?
245
00:10:21,619 --> 00:10:24,059
And if Mom can't deal with that,
then that's her problem.
246
00:10:24,429 --> 00:10:28,150
Hmm. So, there's nothing
I can say to change your mind?
247
00:10:28,234 --> 00:10:29,711
Nope.
248
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:33,304
Well, it's a good thing
I brought these.
249
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:36,984
Are those handcuffs?
250
00:10:37,204 --> 00:10:38,556
They sure are.
251
00:10:38,766 --> 00:10:40,836
Well, what the hell
are you doing with them?
252
00:10:41,304 --> 00:10:42,922
Saving your ass.
253
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:44,601
But more importantly...
254
00:10:46,039 --> 00:10:47,649
I'm saving mine.
255
00:10:53,196 --> 00:10:55,201
Come on, Pop.
Quit messing around.
256
00:10:55,325 --> 00:10:57,572
Uncuff yourself from my bike.
257
00:10:58,501 --> 00:11:01,211
I'm sorry, Malcolm,
but it's too dangerous.
258
00:11:01,665 --> 00:11:05,217
If I got to go to church every
day, I might kill somebody.
259
00:11:06,321 --> 00:11:07,954
So this is your genius
plan?
260
00:11:08,039 --> 00:11:09,094
You're gonna stay out
here
261
00:11:09,179 --> 00:11:10,813
until I agree
to get rid of the bike?
262
00:11:10,967 --> 00:11:13,850
Well, my first idea was
to handcuff myself to you,
263
00:11:14,014 --> 00:11:15,427
but then I realized,
264
00:11:15,511 --> 00:11:19,022
that's more of a reward
for you than a punishment.
265
00:11:20,678 --> 00:11:22,068
You know what?
Okay, fine.
266
00:11:22,153 --> 00:11:24,551
You want to play that game?
I'll just wait you out.
267
00:11:25,262 --> 00:11:27,545
Good luck,
'cause I'm not going anywhere.
268
00:11:27,678 --> 00:11:29,223
Well, maybe not right now,
269
00:11:29,307 --> 00:11:31,951
but at some point, you're
gonna have to use the bathroom.
270
00:11:32,036 --> 00:11:34,346
And when you do,
I'll be right there.
271
00:11:35,184 --> 00:11:36,639
Not in the bathroom
with you, man.
272
00:11:36,724 --> 00:11:38,969
On the bike, riding away.
273
00:11:40,006 --> 00:11:41,714
Well, see, that's where
you're wrong.
274
00:11:41,798 --> 00:11:44,052
I got a plan
for the bathroom, too.
275
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:47,129
Tina, bring me the jar!
276
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,208
So when the lab results
traced the hair
277
00:11:58,292 --> 00:12:00,515
back to the chef, it turned out
278
00:12:00,599 --> 00:12:03,431
it was her goose
that was cooked.
279
00:12:05,822 --> 00:12:07,392
And that concludes
280
00:12:07,476 --> 00:12:09,437
our Forensic Mysteriesmarathon.
281
00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:12,431
Stay tuned for
Rise and Shine Las Vegas.
282
00:12:15,598 --> 00:12:17,124
Ge-Gemma, wake up!
283
00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:20,665
Five more minutes. I'm dreaming
about us skinny-dipping.
284
00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:22,705
For some reason,
there's a goose there.
285
00:12:23,001 --> 00:12:26,834
No. Gemma, you got to wake up.
We fell asleep.
286
00:12:26,919 --> 00:12:28,228
Huh? What?
287
00:12:28,453 --> 00:12:31,848
It's morning.
We missed our wild night!
288
00:12:33,388 --> 00:12:34,680
What?! We did?!
289
00:12:34,764 --> 00:12:35,769
Yeah.
290
00:12:35,895 --> 00:12:37,480
The only crazy thing
we did last night
291
00:12:37,565 --> 00:12:39,959
was get ten amazing hours
of sleep.
292
00:12:40,944 --> 00:12:43,993
You're right.
I feel totally rested.
293
00:12:44,077 --> 00:12:45,691
This is terrible!
294
00:12:45,775 --> 00:12:48,446
I can't believe
that we blew it.
295
00:12:48,673 --> 00:12:50,823
We didn't go to the casino,
the club or the pool. -
296
00:12:50,907 --> 00:12:53,742
I packed my imaginary
bathing suit for nothing!
297
00:12:53,826 --> 00:12:56,179
Oh... Yeah.
298
00:12:56,263 --> 00:12:59,966
I wanted to wake up ashamed,
but not like this.
299
00:13:00,757 --> 00:13:04,952
I hate to say it, Gemma, but
we're officially boring people.
300
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,737
It turns out
our glory days are over.
301
00:13:09,150 --> 00:13:11,325
Come on.
That's not true.
302
00:13:11,548 --> 00:13:13,400
We have an amazing life.
303
00:13:13,716 --> 00:13:16,103
Great friends,
good jobs,
304
00:13:16,359 --> 00:13:18,625
the best kid ever.
305
00:13:19,048 --> 00:13:22,173
If you ask me, it doesn't get
any more glorious than that.
306
00:13:24,205 --> 00:13:28,353
I know. I just wish
we still had it in us
307
00:13:28,455 --> 00:13:30,369
to go crazy every once
in a while.
308
00:13:30,947 --> 00:13:33,353
And I'm not just talking
about blowing all our air miles
309
00:13:33,438 --> 00:13:35,720
upgrading to Economy Plus.
310
00:13:38,479 --> 00:13:41,478
Well, we still have three hours
before we fly home.
311
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:44,009
So?
312
00:13:44,094 --> 00:13:46,322
So why don't we do
something crazy right now?
313
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,666
You know what?
314
00:13:48,751 --> 00:13:49,978
You're right.
315
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,369
And I know exactly
316
00:13:52,734 --> 00:13:54,826
- how we're gonna do it.
- How?
317
00:13:54,966 --> 00:13:57,720
- We are gonna hit
the Hotel Minibar. - Ooh!
318
00:13:58,361 --> 00:14:00,048
Because what is wilder
319
00:14:00,133 --> 00:14:02,111
than eating
an eight-dollar candy bar?
320
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,353
Oh.
321
00:14:03,438 --> 00:14:04,920
I'll tell you what's wilder...
322
00:14:05,190 --> 00:14:07,892
chasing it
with a bunch of tiny tequilas.
323
00:14:08,873 --> 00:14:10,905
That's right.
Look out, Vegas,
324
00:14:10,990 --> 00:14:14,037
'cause the Johnsons
are still in town!
325
00:14:17,111 --> 00:14:18,476
Nope. Those are bath beads.
326
00:14:18,561 --> 00:14:20,033
Oh.
327
00:14:23,089 --> 00:14:25,573
Here you go, baby.
I brought you a snack.
328
00:14:25,799 --> 00:14:27,253
Oh.Anything else you need?
329
00:14:27,353 --> 00:14:30,026
No, babe.
I think I'm good.Ah.
330
00:14:34,535 --> 00:14:36,584
Thanks again
for doing this, baby.
331
00:14:36,846 --> 00:14:39,589
Sacrificing yourself
to protect our son.
332
00:14:39,674 --> 00:14:43,651
Aw, you know me...
always putting myself last.
333
00:14:44,306 --> 00:14:47,701
Hey, when you're done with
my neck, can you do my feet?
334
00:14:49,942 --> 00:14:51,164
Hey, guys.
335
00:14:51,248 --> 00:14:52,391
I'll see you later.
336
00:14:52,476 --> 00:14:53,782
Where are you going?
337
00:14:53,867 --> 00:14:55,172
Oh, just for a little ride.
338
00:14:55,835 --> 00:14:58,211
- Ride?
- Oh what?
339
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:02,321
Yeah. Did you borrow
Grover's wheelie shoes?
340
00:15:04,565 --> 00:15:06,222
Oh, that's cute.
Y'all are funny.
341
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:09,005
Actually, I'm taking
your truck.
342
00:15:10,354 --> 00:15:12,054
Say what now?
343
00:15:12,138 --> 00:15:14,579
Yeah, I figure
since you took my wheels,
344
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,450
I'm gonna take yours.
345
00:15:16,534 --> 00:15:18,101
You can't take my truck.
346
00:15:18,884 --> 00:15:20,973
Nobody takes my truck!
347
00:15:21,757 --> 00:15:23,631
Don't do this, Malcolm.
348
00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,242
Your father loves you,
but that truck is his baby.
349
00:15:26,326 --> 00:15:29,678
Yeah, I know, Ma. It's like the
little brother I never drove.
350
00:15:32,659 --> 00:15:34,617
I know you're not
gonna open that door.
351
00:15:35,718 --> 00:15:38,004
Ooh. He opened the door.
352
00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:40,371
Malcolm, I'm not playing
with you.
353
00:15:40,456 --> 00:15:42,098
You better not
get behind that wheel!
354
00:15:44,101 --> 00:15:47,395
Ooh! He got
behind the wheel!
355
00:15:47,754 --> 00:15:50,605
Yeah, well, that's okay.
That's as far as he's gonna get.
356
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:53,443
She's got a tricky ignition.
He can't figure it out.
357
00:15:55,791 --> 00:15:57,984
Ooh! He figured it out!
358
00:15:58,523 --> 00:16:00,946
Tina, would you stop
giving me play-by-play
359
00:16:01,031 --> 00:16:03,248
and go stop him?!
360
00:16:04,638 --> 00:16:07,534
I'm telling you, Malcolm, if
you crash your little brother,
361
00:16:07,643 --> 00:16:10,448
you best believe
I'm coming for you!
362
00:16:22,112 --> 00:16:23,371
Ladies and gentlemen,
363
00:16:23,455 --> 00:16:25,565
please welcome
the Beer Chug Champion
364
00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:27,742
of the Silver Sands
Motel and Casino...
365
00:16:29,524 --> 00:16:31,004
Gemma Johnson Presley.
366
00:16:34,854 --> 00:16:37,206
Thank you.
Thank you.
367
00:16:37,362 --> 00:16:40,300
Thank you. And to all
the tired moms out there,
368
00:16:40,385 --> 00:16:43,476
if you can dream it,
you can drink it.
369
00:16:47,409 --> 00:16:48,890
Oh, wow.
370
00:16:48,974 --> 00:16:50,624
I got to hand it to us.
371
00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,757
That was the craziest
morning of my life.
372
00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:55,476
I can't believe we hit all three
of those nightclubs.
373
00:16:55,561 --> 00:16:59,130
Yeah. Although it would have
been more fun if they were open.
374
00:17:00,810 --> 00:17:03,318
I guess for an old,
boring couple,
375
00:17:03,553 --> 00:17:05,211
we still know
how to party.
376
00:17:05,381 --> 00:17:07,774
We sure do.
377
00:17:08,842 --> 00:17:11,954
Mmm.
Gin and Gatorade.
378
00:17:14,105 --> 00:17:16,864
Well, the good news is
I don't have to worry
379
00:17:16,949 --> 00:17:19,181
about you dying
on that motorcycle anymore,
380
00:17:19,265 --> 00:17:21,793
because your father
is gonna kill you!
381
00:17:21,877 --> 00:17:24,803
Oh, please. I am
not afraid of Pop.
382
00:17:25,881 --> 00:17:28,631
But you think we have enough gas
to get to Mexico?
383
00:17:29,449 --> 00:17:31,803
Malcolm, why are you being
so stubborn about this?
384
00:17:31,887 --> 00:17:33,991
Can't you see we are just
trying to protect you?
385
00:17:34,076 --> 00:17:36,600
And I appreciate that, Ma,
but I'm a grown man.
386
00:17:36,761 --> 00:17:38,287
That is not your job anymore.
387
00:17:38,371 --> 00:17:40,795
Oh, really? When did I get fired
from being your mother?
388
00:17:40,880 --> 00:17:42,624
I am not firing
you, okay?
389
00:17:42,709 --> 00:17:44,192
I'm just kind of...
390
00:17:44,451 --> 00:17:46,459
reducing your hours.
391
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,082
Look, Ma, I know
you think that's stupid,
392
00:17:50,166 --> 00:17:52,139
but to me, this isn't
just about the bike.
393
00:17:52,224 --> 00:17:53,315
Then what's it about?
394
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:55,231
It's about me being
independent,
395
00:17:55,316 --> 00:17:57,017
making my own choices.
396
00:17:57,260 --> 00:18:00,309
Okay, I've been working and
saving up money for a long time.
397
00:18:00,538 --> 00:18:01,963
I've earned this.
398
00:18:02,047 --> 00:18:05,314
Just because you earned it
does not make it a good idea.
399
00:18:05,398 --> 00:18:07,987
Well, maybe not, but it does
make it my call.
400
00:18:08,072 --> 00:18:10,643
Still... you are my baby.
401
00:18:10,829 --> 00:18:14,081
I know, Ma,
but I'm also my own man.
402
00:18:14,424 --> 00:18:15,650
You understand that, right?
403
00:18:15,735 --> 00:18:16,956
Of course I do.
404
00:18:17,236 --> 00:18:18,806
Then instead of
fighting me on this,
405
00:18:18,890 --> 00:18:21,206
I need you
to try being proud of me.
406
00:18:24,471 --> 00:18:27,741
Fine. I'm never gonna like it,
407
00:18:28,806 --> 00:18:31,157
but if it means that much
to you, I guess...
408
00:18:31,242 --> 00:18:32,868
I just have to accept it.
409
00:18:34,485 --> 00:18:35,818
Thank you, Ma.
410
00:18:35,903 --> 00:18:38,953
And I promise, I will
be careful, okay?
411
00:18:39,038 --> 00:18:41,522
I won't be one of these
reckless idiots riding around
412
00:18:41,607 --> 00:18:43,526
with no idea what they're doing.
413
00:18:50,073 --> 00:18:51,823
Malcolm, pull
over there!
414
00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:55,060
And God help you if you
adjusted my seat, boy!
415
00:18:55,144 --> 00:18:57,207
Pop, what the hell are you doing
on my bike?!
416
00:18:57,292 --> 00:18:58,245
You're gonna kill yourself!
417
00:18:58,330 --> 00:19:00,184
Relax. I've been
riding motorcycles
418
00:19:00,269 --> 00:19:02,067
since before you were born.
419
00:19:02,151 --> 00:19:03,503
Oh!
420
00:19:03,587 --> 00:19:04,896
Calvin!
421
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:06,250
Ma, is he okay?
422
00:19:06,335 --> 00:19:08,899
Damn it! The next time
I swerve into your lane,
423
00:19:09,039 --> 00:19:11,554
you better get out
of my way, fool!
424
00:19:12,054 --> 00:19:13,953
- Yeah, he's fine.
- Yeah.
425
00:19:21,578 --> 00:19:23,365
Ooh, hey, Calvin.
You okay?
426
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:24,984
Yeah, Tina said you
got in an accident
427
00:19:25,069 --> 00:19:26,856
on Malcolm's motorcycle.
428
00:19:26,941 --> 00:19:29,999
Well, what all
did she tell you?
429
00:19:31,867 --> 00:19:33,361
Well, that was pretty much it.
430
00:19:33,796 --> 00:19:36,427
Oh, okay.
So here's what happened.
431
00:19:37,197 --> 00:19:38,501
I was cruising
432
00:19:38,586 --> 00:19:40,577
down Franklin,
and this big rig...
433
00:19:40,633 --> 00:19:41,875
it jackknifed right
in front of me.
434
00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:43,892
And I... and I realized
there's no way
435
00:19:43,977 --> 00:19:45,735
that I'm gonna get off
of this thing.
436
00:19:45,909 --> 00:19:48,517
So... so I slid. I was like...
437
00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,497
And then I came out,
and there was some kids
438
00:19:50,664 --> 00:19:51,603
in the crosswalk,
and I was like,
439
00:19:51,688 --> 00:19:53,829
"Oh, Lord, look at these kids.
There's no way."
440
00:19:53,914 --> 00:19:55,049
So I had to pop a wheelie,
like...
441
00:19:57,574 --> 00:19:59,174
And then the kids,
they was like "Save me."
442
00:19:59,258 --> 00:20:01,140
It was like, "Thank you,
mister." And I was like,
443
00:20:01,224 --> 00:20:03,577
"Fine, kids. It's what I do."
You know?
444
00:20:03,662 --> 00:20:06,087
There was a curb there,
and for whatever reason,
445
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:08,860
it was a family of ducks,
and I was like, "Aah!"
446
00:20:08,945 --> 00:20:11,212
And that's when I hopped.
That's when I hit the curb,
447
00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:14,384
and I was like,
"Hey, hey! There you go."
448
00:20:14,726 --> 00:20:15,955
And everybody was safe,
though.
449
00:20:16,039 --> 00:20:17,861
The animals were cool,
and the kids were happy,
450
00:20:17,945 --> 00:20:19,385
and I gave 'em money
for pizza.
451
00:20:19,470 --> 00:20:22,516
Uh, but, uh, I don't like
to talk about it, man.
452
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,548
Wow.
453
00:20:27,086 --> 00:20:29,188
Wow. Well, uh,
454
00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:31,561
we had a pretty wild
weekend, too.
455
00:20:31,848 --> 00:20:33,592
Uh, Gemma swam
in a hotel fountain
456
00:20:33,677 --> 00:20:36,493
and rode her suitcase
around a luggage carousel.
457
00:20:37,018 --> 00:20:40,188
Only after Dave drank
a mini-fridge full of vodka
458
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:42,815
and chased it with half
a jar of bath beads.
459
00:20:43,704 --> 00:20:45,875
Guys, if you're just gonna
make stuff up,
460
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,628
I'm gonna go inside.
461
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:49,324
Captioned by Media Access Group
at WGBH access.wgbh.org
462
00:20:49,409 --> 00:20:51,135
Synchronized by srjanapala
34194
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