Original subtitles

(crickets chirping)

(fake rock clacks)

(key jangles)

(dog barks)

(engine whirring)

(chewing)

(upbeat dance music)

(car alarm beeping)

(crickets chirping)

(thumping)

(chewing)

(scraping)

(lock clicks)

(sniffs)

(sighs)

(sniffs)

(sighs)

(groans)

(clanking)

- [Karl Voiceover] What happened to this country?

It used to be beautiful women of childbearing age

wanted a stud like me.

Now, they want beta male cucks and wimps.

It used to be you could work hard

and make something of yourself.

Now, you're better off on the dole, a burden to society.

(bottle clinks)

- Excuse me, oh!

Can you please recycle that?

- That's gonna end up

in landfill somewhere. - It used to be

a man could be a man.

- Nowadays, you're lucky to afford the rent

on a postage stamp apartment.

Everyone got too greedy.

Everyone has their hand out,

women, blacks, chicos, queers, he-she's,

geezers, cripples, you name it, all of 'em.

They just take, take, take until a man,

a man like me doesn't know how to be a man anymore.

The whole order of society is crumbling,

and the only ones who can fix it

get the shaft day after day after day after day.

And the cucks, they just wanna give it all away.

Sometimes, I think I'm the last white man alive.

(ominous music)

- [Man on TV] Well, that's not fun.

I'm thinking our guys on the road in a blowout.

Philadelphia 120, Boston 99.

Star of the game, Robert Covington.

- [Man On TV] Certainly a bold prediction, Rance,

and one that I sure hope comes true.

- [Man on TV] It will, stayed tuned.

Opening tip off is coming up next

right here on local TV sports.

(dramatic theme music)

- [Announcer On TV] Channel 9 Active News.

South Jersey's most trusted source

for the news that matters most with Daphne--

- We're not gonna watch the game?

- Eh.

- [Man On TV] For all you need to know, stay Channel 9--

- I'm gonna watch the game in my room.

- [Daphne] Good evening, I'm Daphne Gaberdine.

Tonight, our top story, a boy and a frog.

Our roving reporter Chip Saxton has the--

- [Announcer On TV] And we are running tonight.

(muffled TV chatter)

(gentle music)

(bell ringing)

(shoes squeaking)

(phone ringing)

- Goomba's Pizza.

For pickup or delivery?

Okay, go ahead.

(sighs)

Okay, so that'll be two extra larges.

- (sighs) Ah, man.

- [Pizza Employee] For both, or do you want

different toppings on the second pizza?

We have jalapenos, we have onions.

(heavy sigh)

That would be a deluxe pizza, okay.

- I don't know, Vin.

I just...

I don't know, I feel like I was born in the wrong decade.

- I felt like that before.

- Yeah, it just seems like it's hard for a guy

to get a fair shake anymore.

- [Pizza Employee] If we don't deliver

in 30 minutes or less, then the pizza will be free.

Yeah, all right, thanks for calling.

(shoes squeaking)

- Listen, Karl, you gotta...

Look, I like having you work for me,

but you gotta get a better job than this.

You got your degree, don't you?

- Yeah, business administration.

- You should be managing an office somewhere.

You shouldn't be no pizza jockey living off tips.

You're pushing 30.

All my other guys, they're in school.

You don't wanna be living with your mom forever, do ya?

- That's what I'm saying, Vin.

Having a degree doesn't guarantee anything anymore,

not like when you were my age.

- Son, nothing is guaranteed to no one,

never has been, never will be.

That's what Reagan used to preach,

personal responsibility.

You want something, you gotta take it.

Listen, if you wanna get outta here in time,

you better go out back and clean the mats.

- [Karl Voiceover] Even a guy like Vinnie

doesn't understand how things are today,

doesn't understand how you get the squeeze from all sides,

doesn't understand how a girl like Lindsey

would rather go out with a beta than a real man.

(sighs) Lindsey.

(ominous music)

(car alarm beeping)

(scoffs) College, warping the minds our youth,

getting it so everyone is so mixed up they can't even see

when everything they want is right in front of them.

Lindsey comes here every day to expand her mind,

but she's just getting brainwashed in an echo chamber.

That's why she left me.

That's why she won't text me back.

It's more than a garden variety shit-test.

She wants someone weak.

I'm too strong for her.

I need a woman who wants a real man.

Third-wave feminism is bullshit,

just man-hating dikes who wanna castrate their men

before they peg them.

She needs to change, not me.

The whole world needs to go back to the way it was.

Lindsey can get with the program or be left behind.

They broke the promises.

If you went to college, you were supposed to get a good job.

If you got a good job, you were supposed to be able

to earn a living, buy a house, get a dog,

get a wife, have some kids.

You were supposed to be happy.

A chicken in the pot and two cars in the garage.

The American dream, and now it's gone.

They're so worried about helping the disenfranchised,

they disenfranchised everyone else.

There isn't enough to go around.

And now I'm on the outside looking in.

(knocking)

- [Buff Guy] what's the damage?

- Uh, 25.72.

- Just give me four back.

- [Karl] 28 cents is all I'm worth

to filth like that?

The fabric of society has eroded so much

that a man like me has to bend the knee to the likes of him,

all for a pittance.

The scumbag is probably on the dole, too.

Motherfucker can't afford a tip,

he shouldn't be ordering delivery.

Just another drain on society.

If he worked half as hard on getting a job

as he works on his pecs,

he could actually contribute something to the world.

Son of a bitch just tipped me 28 cents.

- Jesus, Karl, you scared the shit outta me.

- The son of a bitch just tipped me 28 cents.

- Yeah, I hate when that happens.

Jesus.

- [Karl] Braden, Braden?

What are you doing tonight?

- (sighs) Nothing, I'm just going home.

- You're not doing anything?

Friday night, a young guy like you, huh?

- Look,

yeah, okay, I'm going to a party,

but I can't bring you, Karl.

- I mean, that's fine, I didn't wanna go anyway.

I'm just making conversation.

- Look, listen, last time, some of the girls

said you made them feel uncomfortable.

- What? - Yeah.

And if I'm being honest,

you make me feel uncomfortable, too, man.

I'm sorry.

- [Karl Voiceover] Cuck.

(ominous music)

- [Announcer on TV] Milwaukee's struggling tonight

without the Greek Freak.

Philadelphia needs to take advantage of that.

And now Milwaukee moves the ball up court.

(snoring)

Nothing but net. - Defensive breakdown, Tom.

Nothing else to it.

(loud snoring)

(gentle music) (crickets chirping)

(chewing)

(car engine whirring)

(stairs creaking)

(garage door whirring)

(car alarm beeping)

(car alarm beeping)

(sighing)

(gentle music)

- How's it hanging, Vin?

- Dragging on the floor, pal.

How about you?

- Yeah, I'm feeling fantastic.

- That's good to hear.

You been so down in the dumps lately.

- Yeah, I've been having problems with my girl.

- I figured as much.

Only one thing can get a guy that upset is a woman.

You work it all out?

- Not yet, but I got a plan.

- Yeah?

- I'm gonna do a grand romantic gesture.

- That's great, kid.

Unfreeze that frigid bitch.

(chuckling)

- Any advice?

- [Vinnie] The only thing I can say is be persistent.

Don't give up, just keep at it.

The only time I ever got hung up on a broad was Phyllis.

- [Karl Voiceover] Persistence.

Never quitting.

The cucks don't get it.

They're too caught up in giving away everything they've got.

That's not the American way.

It's like Vin said, when you want something,

you gotta take it.

(moaning)

(ominous music)

(crickets chirping)

(chewing)

(ominous music)

- [Connor] See ya, Braden.

(clearing throat)

- So I finally broke up with Lindsey for good.

- What?

- Yeah, yeah, it's a real shame,

'cause she was a real hellcat in the sack.

But she was way too clingy,

always needing to know where I was

and what I was doing all the time.

I can't be chained down, so I threw her over.

- Dude, are you serious? - of course.

I know guys like you probably wouldn't understand,

giving the boot to a prime piece of tail like Lindsey,

but guys like me, we do it all the time.

(laughing)

- Dude, dude, Lindsey broke up with you

like six months ago.

Wait till we tell her.

(laughing)

Woo!

(shoes squeaking)

- Grand romantic gesture didn't work out, son?

- She's sort of stubborn.

I mean, it's like you said, you gotta be persistent.

I'm already planning my next grand romantic gesture.

- Maybe this one is better to let go.

- No, no, I don't think so, mm-mm.

- Hey, look, kid, we got an order up

from 1100 Fishpond, apartment 235.

You taking it? - I got it.

- No, no, I want Karl to take it.

- I got this one. - Sit down and shut up.

Karl's taking it.

Go ahead, kid.

(ominous music)

(knocking)

- Hi, how're you doing?

- Uh, it's 16.37.

- Keep the change, thanks.

- Tell me about your feminist agenda.

- What?

Oh, (laughing) the shirt.

- Yeah, I'd very much like to hear about that.

- Maybe some other time.

(door creaking)

(ominous music)

(rifle firing)

(knocking)

- Hi. - Hello.

(laughing)

How much?

- Oh, 10.85.

- [Keisha] You can keep the change.

- You sure? - Yeah.

Well, until next time.

- Yeah.

(footsteps retreating)

(crickets chirping)

(key jangling)

(car engine roaring)

(Karl chuckling)

- Hey.

- You've been ordering a lotta takeout this week.

- Yeah, I wonder why.

- Best pizza and sandwiches around.

- Handsomest delivery driver around, too.

(chuckling)

- It's 16.21 for the pizza.

- Keep it.

See you tomorrow?

- No, I'm day shift tomorrow.

- Oh!

Well, maybe we can meet up somewhere?

- (stammering) I already have plans.

- Yeah, okay. - Sorry.

- No, no worries. - Maybe another time.

- Okay, sure. - Mm-hmm, right.

Yeah, okay, right, oh god.

(shoes squeaking)

- 1100 Fishpond, apartment 235

has been ordering from us a lot this week.

Three nights in a row.

Last night she asked if the same driver was on

as the night before.

I think maybe you got a new one on the hook, Karl.

Is she a looker?

- Yeah, she's beautiful.

- She's waiting for you to make a move.

- She asked me out last night. - All right!

(laughing)

- No, I told her I already had plans.

- Why?

Why?

(stammering)

- She's...

She's black.

(laughing)

- Son, there ain't nothing wrong with a little jungle fever.

You said she was beautiful. - Yeah.

- She tip? - Generously.

- So what's the difference?

- What if it's true what they say?

What if once you go black, you never go back?

(laughing)

- Do I have a jungle bunny wife?

- No. - So there you go.

I used to run around with black broads

all the time back in the day.

Black girls, white powder, Reaganomics, that was the '80s.

Now I got a white wife, and I don't do anything harder

than a glass of Johnny Walker now and then.

But the economy is shit.

Win some, lose some.

Anyway, next time you deliver to her, make your move.

- Fuck.

(knocking)

- Ooh, are these for me?

- Kevin, I told you I had it.

Hi. - Is this him?

You're right, he looks like a fine hunk a man.

- I'm sorry, I didn't know you had a husband.

- (laughing) No.

- Look, I'm really flattered, but I'm not into swinging,

so. - What?

No, no, we're not married, we're just friends.

- Friends? - Yeah.

- Look, I'm more likely to be your husband than hers.

- Stop.

- That'll be 29.16. - Ooh, all business.

- Here, you can keep that. - Thanks.

- Are those for me?

- (sighs)

Yeah. - Thanks.

(laughing)

- Do you maybe wanna go out sometime?

- I'm free tomorrow.

- I'll pick you up at eight. - Okay.

Wait. - Yes.

- I don't know your name.

- It's Karl, Karl Gordon.

- Keisha Booker.

Nice to officially meet you, Karl, Karl Gordon.

(footsteps retreating)

- He's a bit of a stiff.

- Yeah, but in a cute way.

- You and your projects. - Oh, it's not a project.

- [Karl Voiceover] Keisha Booker.

Keisha.

Keisha.

Keisha and Karl.

Karl and Keisha.

The Kevin situation could fuck this all up.

She's a twofer.

She's a woman, she's a black, on top of that, a homo friend.

A big beefy homo friend that wants to fuck me.

Ha! Let him try it.

(chewing)

(key jangling)

(door creaking)

(Keisha chuckling)

- Well, hi.

- Howdy.

- What, no flowers?

(Karl stammering)

Karl, relax, I'm just joking.

(laughing)

- Well, after you, milady.

- Oh, thanks.

Don't you think we're a little over dressed

for a pizza parlor?

- Oh, nonsense.

Besides, I thought Goomba's was your favorite.

- Karl, I only kept ordering to see you.

You know, I'm a third cousin

to future president Cory Booker.

- Oh, I didn't vote for him. (chuckles)

Oh, sorry.

- I'm kidding.

You don't have to be so nervous, Karl, relax.

So are you in school or...

- No, I graduated in 2012, business administration.

- Oh, well, why don't you pursue that?

- I mean, the job market's so bad.

- Oh, I know what you mean.

I went to school for film, got out, and there were no jobs,

nothing in South Jersey anyway.

- So what is it you do?

- I'm the Director of Community Relations

and Brand Awareness for Fleminger Direct Media.

- Fleminger? - Yeah.

We do marketing and advertising

for pharmaceutical companies.

I kinda lucked into it.

I had a friend there, Kevin.

- How fortuitous. (chuckles)

- Yeah, I guess I'm doing okay.

They might need people with your degree there.

You should check out the site,

see if they have any openings,

and you can say you know me.

- I'll look into it. - Okay.

- Thank you. - Thank you, my good man.

- [Braden] Yeah, sure.

- No, I got it. - Are you sure?

- Yeah, I got it. - We can split it.

- No, no, don't be silly, I got it.

- Really, I-- - No, no.

I got it. - Okay.

Karl Gordon, you may kiss me goodnight.

- [Karl Voiceover] Equal opportunity employer?

Equal opportunity for who?

Not for me.

- [Daphne on TV] Our national correspondent,

Rose Caldwell, is on the scene.

Rose, what do you have?

(snoring)

- [Rose on TV] Yeah, Daphne, initial reports are saying

there are 22 dead and 19 injured after a man opened fire

at the Missoula Grizzly Bear Museum and Gift Shoppe

in Missoula, Montana this evening.

One unidentified subject who is believed

to have acted alone is dead

after a prolonged standoff with police.

Authorities are as of yet unsure of a motive,

but first-hand accounts suggest

the attacks were initially targeted

at specific individuals working at the--

- So this guy comes to the door in overalls,

no shirt, huge house, no tip.

He counted exact change, I couldn't believe it.

- You must deal with a lot of crazies.

- Yeah, here and there.

- Don't you ever get scared?

Like you don't know who's answering the door.

- No, not at all.

- I'd be terrified, especially on a day like today

with what happened in Missoula.

- A horrible tragedy.

- Yeah, especially since it all could have been avoided

if we had some type of sensible gun control.

- So, a responsible gun owner like myself

should be punished because of a few bad guys?

I mean, what would you do if people decided

that drunk driving was such an issue

that we should ban alcohol and cars?

- It's not the same at all.

First of all, no one's really talking

about banning guns altogether,

but why does anyone need an assault rifle?

- Real assault rifles are illegal in America.

Assault rifle as you mean it was a political term

created in the '80s to ban semi-automatic

sporting rifles in California.

- Whatever, sporting rifle, assault rifle,

either way people are dying needlessly.

- I own a sporting rifle.

I love spending time at the range.

I should have that taken from me?

- If it saves even just one life, isn't it worth it?

Okay, look, I'm sorry I brought it up.

It's clearly a sore subject for the both of us.

Come on. (laughing)

- I just don't understand why I should have to change

because some guy decides to-- - Karl, forget it.

Let's just have a good time, okay?

- Two peanuts walk into a bar.

One of them was assaulted.

(laughing)

- You're cute.

(laughing)

Oh, it's freezing out here.

You wanna head back to my place, get outta the cold?

- I thought you'd never ask.

- You sure you don't want anything besides water?

Beer, wine, iced tea?

- No, water's fine, thank you.

(Keisha sighs)

- I am so ready for the weekend.

- Yeah.

- I had a really tough week.

I can't wait to sleep in.

- Weekends are usually the busiest days for me.

- Yeah? - Yeah, lots of deliveries.

- Yeah, that makes sense.

(laughing)

I love my job and everything,

but I'm always ready for the weekend.

I guess I just never really saw myself

in marketing, you know?

I mean, it's so analytical,

and I guess I just never saw myself as that kind of person.

I always thought my creative side was a lot stronger.

I guess I just never really saw myself doing this as a kid.

How 'bout you?

- What do you mean?

- When you were a kid,

what did you wanna be when you grew up?

- Well, I always had a strong mind for business.

(laughing)

- I'm not laughing at you, I'm not.

It's just, it's so practical.

It's adorable.

But like as a kid, what did you wanna be?

- As far back as I can remember,

I have always wanted to be a small business owner.

- Okay, so in kindergarten,

when little Karl had to do a project

on what he wanted to be when he grew up,

it said small business owner.

- Yes, and I have it laminated on a poster in my closet

somewhere to prove it. - You're funny. (chuckles)

- I'm not kidding.

- I'd like to see that someday.

- Then I will show you, okay.

- So what kind of business?

- (stammering) Business.

A business. - Like what?

(stammering)

- Like a business.

(sighs)

Well, like a Hooter's franchise or a--

- Come on, Karl, I'm serious.

What did little Karl dream about?

(sighs)

- I don't know.

I always wanted to be my own boss,

the American dream.

Self-reliant, self-sufficient,

the American dream.

- Well, I'm not asking about the American dream.

I'm asking about the Karl dream.

What?

Is it embarrassing or something?

Look, I'm sorry I laughed.

I really didn't mean to.

I really wanna know.

Come on, you can trust me.

I wanted to make movies, since I was 10.

I used to take my dad's camcorder

and make these little stories with my Barbie dolls.

(laughing)

And then later on, the neighborhood kids would come over

and we'd make movies.

And ever since then, that's what I wanted to do.

I even went to college for it.

- And what happened?

- Things don't always work out, you know?

I couldn't afford to move to LA.

I hate New York and North Jersey.

And then I got the job at Fleminger.

- But you can still move though.

I mean, you must have money saved by now.

- Yeah, but I can't leave my mom.

- Yeah, my mother needs me as well.

- Okay, well, I showed you mine, now you show me yours.

What kind of business?

What did you dream about?

You can tell me.

- I don't know.

I don't know, I never really thought about it, I never...

I still don't.

- I'm sorry, Karl.

I didn't mean to upset you.

(Karl crying)

- I should go, I have an early shift tomorrow.

Breakfast deliveries.

- Well, we should do dinner again sometime soon.

- Yeah, dinner, yeah, dinner.

Yes, that's a splendid idea.

- Hey.

Everything's gonna be okay.

- Goodnight. - Goodnight.

(ominous music)

(rock music)

(knocking)

- Hey, man. - It's 16.47.

- What? - Pizza.

- You brought me a pizza? - You ordered it.

- (scoffs) No, man, I'm done taking orders.

- Uh, no, you called and ordered a pizza.

It's the basement of 22 Constitution Road, right?

- That's my address, man. - Babe.

Stop hassling the pizza boy. - Pizza man.

- You ordered this boy to bring me a pizza?

- I ordered a pizza, yeah.

- Come inside, man. - No, that's all right.

It's 16.47.

- I don't wanna leave you out in the cold

while I go get the money.

- I'll wait.

- Come inside, goddamn it!

(door slams)

Put the pizza on the table, man.

Keep the change, man. - Thanks.

- Wait, don't you wanna slice?

- Oh, no, I'm working.

- Let him go, Rodney.

- Bitch, don't tell me what to do.

- Don't talk to me like that.

- I didn't spend eight years in some desert getting shot at

to come back here and get told what to do by some skank.

- Someone needs to be housebroken.

- We'll talk about this later.

- I have to go now.

Thank you for your service.

Women never want you for the man that you are.

They want you for the man they think you can be.

It's one giant shit-test, and you gotta play their game

to get what you want from them.

That makes it easier.

All you gotta do is figure out who they want you to be.

(door creaking)

- She's getting ready, come on in.

(door creaking)

You want a beer or anything?

- Do you live here? - No.

- Why are you here?

- Well, Keish knew she was gonna be a while getting ready,

so she invited me over to let you in.

Do you wanna beer?

- Sure.

- Nice bolo tie. - What?

- Your bolo tie, I like it.

- I'm not wearing a bolo tie.

- So, Keish say you were interested

in applying for Fleminger?

- Yeah, thinking about it.

- Cool, cool, cool.

Well, if you do, let her know.

I could probably talk to my buddy in HR.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Oh, thanks, Karl.

Let me put these in water.

- Hey, I just had an idea. - What's that?

- Why don't we order in, the three of us?

- Actually, I don't wanna intrude or anything.

- (scoffs) Nonsense, I insist.

Keish is in a bit of a dress down kinda mood anyway.

I can loosen my tie, we'll get takeout, casual.

- That's not a bad idea.

- [Kevin] All right, I guess I'll stay.

- We can order from Goomba's. - Great.

It'll be like a Klan meeting.

Karl, Keisha, Kevin.

- Oh. (chuckling)

- Oh, KKK, clever.

- You spell Karl with a K? - Of course.

- I'll call.

(phone ringing)

- [Man on Phone] Hello, Goomba's pizza.

- You're not hungry? - Oh, I'm famished.

- You've hardly touched anything.

(groaning and chewing)

- So Kev-o, you seeing anyone?

- Not at the moment, no.

- Did you get a look at Braden?

He delivered the food.

- I didn't, actually.

- Oh, he's a good-looking kid.

I think he might be one of yours.

- One of mine?

- You know, like a.

- Sorry, I'm not into fix-ups.

- Mm, that's too bad.

Oh, Keish, I've been thinking

and I think I decided what kind of business I wanna start.

- Oh? - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I think I'll be really into it.

A movie theater.

- That sounds really cool, Karl.

I actually just thought about--

- I was actually doing some internet browsing

on the subject today and came across an ad

for Planned Parenthood, so I made a pretty sizable donation,

anonymous of course.

But also, I've been doing a lot of thinking

about your stance on guns, Keish.

And I think I'm really coming around to the idea

of sensible gun regulation.

- Good for you, Karl.

- Whew!

I have to go to the bathroom.

- What the fuck?

- I'm so sorry.

I mean, he was weird and awkward before, but in a cute way.

- He's fucking crazy!

- All right, you got her right where you want her.

She thinks you're a friend of the queers,

she thinks you're a feminist,

she definitely wants to fuck you.

(gasps)

Hey, so what do you say we take this party

into the bedroom?

- [Keisha] Karl, Kevin is still here.

- So I will ask him to leave.

- [Keisha] No, I don't wanna be rude.

- Keisha, come on.

- Why don't you say we call it a night.

- Fine.

- Go.

(door creaking)

- [Karl Voiceover] She'd rather hang out with a nancy boy

than spend the night with a stud?

The echo chamber's really warped her mind.

(ominous music)

Talk about a twofer, black and gay?

No wonder life is so easy for him.

Everyone wants to hand out jobs

to their little gay, black pet.

Everyone gets to feel good about themselves,

pat themselves on the back,

and Kevin gets a free ride.

Meanwhile, I have to kill myself delivering pizzas.

I live with my mom,

while he gets this mansion all to himself.

He gets to bring his gay boys over to his swanky fuck-pad

whenever he wants.

It's not fair.

It's just not fair.

- An order of traditional wings?

What kind of sauce do you want?

(shoes squeaking)

- How's things going, kid?

You get a taste of that chocolate yet?

- [Pizza Employee] Okay, buffalo it is.

Will that be the 15 or 25--

- Oh, I'm balls deep in that pussy, man, balls deep.

- See, a black woman is built to fuck.

Enjoy it now before you have to settle down.

Get it in. - Oh, I will get it in.

I will get it in.

I'm sorry, Keisha, I just thought--

- [Keisha on Phone] Thought what?

- No, I thought if I'd help him find a date,

you'd think I was cool. - What?

You don't need to act any kind of way

to make me thing you're whatever.

You were weird last night, really weird.

- [Karl] Yeah, I'm sorry, it won't happen again.

Let's meet somewhere today.

I want a chance to make it up to you.

(gasps)

- No, stop, no, what is wrong with you?

- What?

- Look, I wanted to do this in person and in a public place.

I don't wanna see you again. - What?

- We're just not compatible, Karl.

I mean, your gun thing,

that weird Planned Parenthood comment,

the KKK joke, you clearly have a problem with Kevin,

I guess because he's gay, I don't know.

- Keisha, I just wanted to be what you wanted me to be.

- What?

No, I didn't want you to be anything but honest.

I clearly misjudged you.

We're just not compatible, I'm sorry.

- Keisha, wait, wait. - Let go of me.

- Keisha, no, no. - Let go of me!

- Keisha, I walk away from you, you don't walk away from me.

You know, if you would just open your mind to new ideas,

I could show you so much.

I really could, but the world is so much bigger

than this little feminist bubble that you put yourself in.

But you can't handle it.

You can't, that's why you're such a fag-hag.

You can't handle being with a real man, you nigger-bitch.

- You're sick, Karl, you know that?

I thought, I don't know, I thought you needed

to be unwound a little bit, but you really need help.

- Fuck you!

(ominous music)

Humiliated,

in front of cucks, betas, and losers.

There's only so much I can take.

There's only so much a man can allow

and still call himself a man.

Lindsey!

I need to talk to you.

- Karl, I told you, if you did this again,

I'd call the cops.

- You're the only one who understands me, please?

Look, can we just go to my car just to talk?

- Whatever you have to say, you can say it here.

- Can we at least walk over to where they can't hear us?

- What?

- Lindsey, I just, I don't know anymore.

I'm all alone all the time.

I don't have any friends, no one likes me,

and I don't know why.

I try to be myself, and no one likes to me.

I try to be like other people, and no one likes me.

No matter what I do, I can't win.

And now Keisha hates me. - Keisha?

- Some black girl I've been dating.

I'm nothing to her, because I am nothing.

(sobs) I'm just an empty shell.

- It's not that bad, Karl. - It is.

You hate me, too.

- I don't hate you, Karl.

- What should I do?

- I don't know, I think you should seek help.

- Help, help, yes, yes, I need help.

That's why I'm here, help me.

- I mean from a professional, therapy.

You need someone who can really help you change.

- What, so you think I'm a freak?

That I'm just some weakling, some mental defective

who should be poked and prodded by some quack

who's gonna tell me that I'm a closet homo

who wants to fuck his mother?

- Have you been in therapy?

Is that what they told you? - No.

- Karl, it doesn't mean you're weak.

It just means you need help.

We all need help sometimes.

(laughing)

- Ah god, you must think I'm so fucking pathetic.

And what did I ever see in you?

You're just a cunt like the rest of them.

- I tried, Karl, I tried.

- Go, go, get the fuck outta here!

Go, get the fuck outta here!

- You okay? - Yeah, it's fine.

He's fucking crazy.

(chewing)

- Karl, I keep getting calls

that people are not getting their food.

What's going on?

Hey, up here.

(fingers snapping)

Jesus, you're a weirdo.

I'm giving you another chance, kid,

but I get any more calls like that, you're out on your ass.

(ominous music)

- [Karl Voiceover] Vinnie doesn't see what's happening.

He's gotten his piece of the pie

and doesn't care about anyone else.

He doesn't care about me.

I'm on my own.

Maybe it's all of them.

Not just the women, the blacks, everyone.

Maybe the whole human race is too sick to go on.

Maybe we oughta wipe the slate clean

and start all over again.

(shoes squeaking)

- Son, what's going on?

Karl!

- I've been making all my deliveries, Vinnie.

- Great, but you've been acting weird the last few days.

What's going on?

- Keisha dumped me.

- So what?

- The whole world's just to sick to go on.

- Karl, you're gonna get upset over some black cooze?

Girls like that are a dime a dozen.

You go out into the city, to the bad part of town,

you throw a dart, and you find some tall glass

of hot chocolate to fuck!

Now go get your head outta your goddamn ass and be a man!

- She wasn't just any girl.

She wasn't some black cooze.

- Well, then go get her back.

Marry her, what do you want me to say?

- I called her the n word, Vinnie.

It's too late.

(laughing)

- You are beyond my powers, kid.

(laughing)

Go clean the mats.

(laughing)

(ominous music)

(knocking)

- No, no, wait, wait.

No, no, come on, Keisha!

Look, come on, Keisha, I'm sorry, please?

Keisha.

- Do I need to hit call?

(blows air)

(ominous music)

- Fuck, Karl.

How'd you find out where I live?

- I need you to talk to Keisha for me.

- She told me what you said the other night

when she called it quits,

and you expect me to go to bat for you?

- I didn't mean it, okay?

I thought things were going so well between us,

it caught me by surprise.

- Caught you by surprise?

You didn't realize all the awkwardness

that was going on in her apartment the other night?

- I just need her to hear me out, okay?

Can you just tell her to talk to me?

- No, because you're a racist, a homophobe,

and probably all sorts of other crazy shit.

You need to leave me and Keisha alone.

- I'm not a racist.

- But you're okay with being a homophobe.

- I love her.

Can you tell her I love her?

- (laughing) Oh, geeze, wow. - Please.

- Oh man, man, oh, man.

Don't touch me, man.

- The future is female? - What?

- Your shirt.

- That's what it says, yeah.

- So what am I, the past?

No, I'm the future.

- [Kevin] All right, good luck with that, dude.

- I need you to talk to Keisha for me.

- That's not gonna happen.

- I'm the future, you hear me?

I'm the future.

I am the future, the future is Karl, it's me.

I am the future, I am.

I'm the future.

(panting)

The future is Karl.

(ominous music)

(gasps)

- Jesus Christ, Karl!

(car engine roaring)

(Lindsey groaning)

(ominous music)

(chewing)

- Karl, I can't do this right now.

How did you even know I was here?

- I came to see Kevin.

I heard what happened to him.

- He's in a coma on a respirator.

He might not recover.

- Get in the car.

You're in no condition to be driving right now.

I'll take you to work or wherever you wanna go.

- Okay.

(sniffing)

(Lindsey groaning)

(ominous music)

- Karl, what's going on?

Who's in the trunk?

- You had your chance, bitch.

- [Keisha] My chance for what?

- Your chance to treat me like a decent human being.

- Karl, I never treated you any--

- Another word and I will ventilate you

right now, you whore!

Dumb slut. (chuckles)

I bet she would suck my cock right now

to get out of this if I gave her the chance.

Oh, but it's too late for the Keishas

and the Lindseys of this world.

I've accepted my glorious role in this great cleansing

that humanity has needed for so long.

No, they should be thanking me

for allowing them to see it first-hand.

- Is Lindsey in the trunk?

- Can she hear my thoughts right now?

Or did I mention Lindsey to her before?

Did I mention Lindsey to you before?

- Karl, you're talking out loud.

(tires squealing)

(bell ringing)

- Karl, you fucking nut case!

What the fuck? - Don't make me regret

taking the tape off your mouth.

Now be a good little girl and keep your trap shut, huh?

Come on, come on, come on, there you go, yeah.

Here.

Here!

(gasping)

Sit!

Sit and shut the fuck up.

- [Keisha] Karl, who is that?

(girls sobbing)

- Would you just shut up and listen to me for once?

- Okay, Karl, we're listening.

- Okay, okay.

There used to be a time in this world where a man,

a man could...

There used to be a time in this...

God, fuck, goddamn it,

fucking goddamn it,

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

Okay, all right.

(breathing deeply)

There used to be a time in this world

when a man could go out into the world and get a job.

There used to be a time in this world when a man,

a man, could go out into the world and get a job.

And with this job he could support himself,

a wife, half a dozen kids, maybe a dog or two,

all from a job he got straight out of high school,

whether he had a diploma or not.

And then they sold everyone on the lie about college,

and the lie that you could get a better job

if only you would get a degree and put yourself in debt.

And then at the same time, the women who had grown tired

of their free ride in life, decided,

no, the man did, that they should go to work as well.

So now the cost of living doubles,

because a couple is expected to have two incomes.

And at the same time, all the niggers

and the wetbacks and the fags and the trannies,

they all wanted everything given to them.

And as soon as they figured out

how to weaponize their victimhood,

we lined up to accommodate them because we felt so bad

about the unfair shake they were getting.

But the pendulum has swung too far.

Now a straight, white, Christian male,

what used to be called a normal person, an American,

now we have to fight each other

for our affirmative action allotted piece of the pie.

And the worst part is, is that they are so racked

with white guilt they buy into it.

They willingly participate in the genocide of their own kind

because they feel so guilty about slavery

or smallpox blankets 500 years ago.

Oh, and make no mistake about it,

the white man has been victim to an organized genocide

in this country for years now.

And you're all too ignorant to realize

you've been complicit in it.

- Karl, there is no white genocide.

- No, the white man is under attack, under siege.

- Karl, people of color, women, and the LGBT community,

striving for equality isn't the same

as oppressing white men.

The time you're talking about, that wasn't a good time

for people like me or Lindsey or Kevin.

No one's trying to wipe out white men

or oppress them. - Oh, no, no, no, no.

She's trying to confuse me with her racist, feminist lies.

You are trying to confuse me

with your racist, feminist lies.

- No, I'm just telling the truth.

- Nothing can stop me.

- Stop you from doing what?

- I'm going to the outlet mall,

the same one where Keisha humiliated me

in front of all those people,

and I will bring them all to justice.

And then I'm gonna go to your precious little college

and do the same thing.

- [Lindsey] Karl, you can't.

- (chuckles) See, I can.

Sit down, slag.

- Come on, Karl.

You don't wanna do this.

- I have to do this.

- Karl, come on.

Look, I'm sorry.

You came to me when you needed help and I turned you away.

And I am so sorry.

Look, let her go.

We can forget that all of this happened.

Let her go.

We can go back to your house and hang out

and watch Netflix, just like we used to.

- Do you think I'm stupid?

(scoffs)

What, all of a sudden, you care about me now?

- Karl, I never stopped caring.

- Tape her up.

- Karl! - Tape her up!

(sniffing)

Go on then, come on, let's go.

- Hey, it's okay.

None of this is your fault.

(sobbing)

- I'm so sorry. - It's okay.

- Do it like you mean it.

- I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry.

(crying)

- Neh-eh, mouth, too.

- I am so sorry. - It's okay.

(crying)

(ominous music)

- You know, I almost feel like I should thank

Keisha and Lindsey, Vinnie, all the perverts

and sex criminals, Black Lives Matter, Planned Parenthood,

all the betas, cucks, women, minorities, all of them.

Without them, without their profound ability

to ignore the reality around them,

that anyone who's looking can see clear as day,

I might not have discovered these truths.

I might not have discovered my purpose in life.

I might have gone on living in the fantasy.

I might be just like you.

(chewing)

(sighs)

(car dinging)

(car door closing)