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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:46,525 --> 00:00:48,565 Okay, I’ll fire her up. 2 00:00:50,085 --> 00:00:53,725 I see you downloaded the new maps. Cool. You got any weed? 3 00:00:53,805 --> 00:00:55,725 - What... what are you doing? - Don’t you have another controller? 4 00:00:55,805 --> 00:00:57,165 No, I meant what are you doing here? 5 00:00:57,245 --> 00:00:59,325 Oh, I got a cousin’s wedding in Germany. 6 00:00:59,405 --> 00:01:01,005 Worked out cheaper 7 00:01:01,085 --> 00:01:02,565 if I stay here a couple of nights in London. 8 00:01:02,645 --> 00:01:04,045 You know, didn’t think you would, uh... 9 00:01:04,125 --> 00:01:05,685 Oh, shit! 10 00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:09,285 Dude! It was from here, wasn’t it? Holy mother of... 11 00:01:09,365 --> 00:01:10,925 Shh! Keep your voice down. 12 00:01:11,845 --> 00:01:13,045 What, is Becca sleeping? 13 00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:13,925 Not any more. 14 00:01:15,125 --> 00:01:17,325 Oh... Hello, darling. 15 00:01:17,885 --> 00:01:20,525 Yeah, babe, do you remember Will_5000? 16 00:01:20,605 --> 00:01:24,925 You know, that guy I play online with? Well, he’s come to stay for a few nights. 17 00:01:25,565 --> 00:01:29,045 That’s funny. You think I’d remember one of your friends who I’ve never met 18 00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:31,445 planning to arrive at my flat in the middle of the night. 19 00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:35,285 Sorry. I kind of, um, sprung it on Daniel. Yeah. 20 00:01:35,365 --> 00:01:36,365 Right. 21 00:01:36,885 --> 00:01:37,845 Okay. 22 00:01:38,485 --> 00:01:39,845 Welcome to our home. 23 00:01:40,525 --> 00:01:42,205 Thank you, Becca. 24 00:01:42,285 --> 00:01:45,205 And again, sorry. I know it’s kinda late. 25 00:01:45,285 --> 00:01:48,365 No, no... it’s... it’s fine, um... 26 00:01:49,965 --> 00:01:51,645 Why didn’t you tell me? 27 00:01:51,725 --> 00:01:54,605 Oh, look, he just turned up, okay? I didn’t know he was coming. 28 00:01:54,685 --> 00:01:56,085 What’s wrong with his face? 29 00:01:56,645 --> 00:01:57,845 I don’t know. 30 00:01:57,925 --> 00:01:59,645 It’s the first time I’ve ever met him. 31 00:02:00,725 --> 00:02:02,805 Oh, he’s not gonna need all this. 32 00:02:03,365 --> 00:02:04,605 It’s not just for him. 33 00:02:10,085 --> 00:02:15,085 Subtitles by explosiveskull 34 00:02:16,405 --> 00:02:18,885 You never told me about the, er... 35 00:02:19,525 --> 00:02:20,725 - The mask? - Mmm. 36 00:02:22,005 --> 00:02:23,605 Everyone wants to know about the mask. 37 00:02:24,565 --> 00:02:25,965 It's the cheapest one I could get. 38 00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:27,485 I’m saving up for surgery. 39 00:02:28,405 --> 00:02:30,445 So... what... what happened? 40 00:02:33,965 --> 00:02:35,365 I was eight years old. 41 00:02:36,605 --> 00:02:38,205 Mom had been ironing in our trailer. 42 00:02:39,285 --> 00:02:40,165 She left the iron on. 43 00:02:40,925 --> 00:02:43,325 I was standing on a stool, reaching for the cookie jar. 44 00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:45,245 The stool gives way. 45 00:02:45,725 --> 00:02:48,005 I come down, bring the ironing board down with me and... 46 00:02:49,045 --> 00:02:50,205 Fuck! 47 00:02:50,885 --> 00:02:53,045 - I’m sorry, man. That’s... - Well... 48 00:02:54,805 --> 00:02:57,405 At least it didn’t land on my dick. 49 00:02:57,485 --> 00:02:58,485 Right? 50 00:02:59,045 --> 00:03:00,325 Fuck you, asshole! 51 00:03:00,405 --> 00:03:03,685 Ooh, can we just...? Let’s just keep it quiet. 52 00:03:03,765 --> 00:03:04,725 You saw that, right? 53 00:03:04,805 --> 00:03:07,405 I mean, I emptied a full fucking clip into this guy, he doesn’t go down. 54 00:03:07,485 --> 00:03:08,445 I mean, in what world? 55 00:03:08,525 --> 00:03:10,565 Do you know what? I’m gonna try and get some sleep. 56 00:03:11,365 --> 00:03:12,245 Totally. 57 00:03:12,925 --> 00:03:14,365 I am so fucking jetlagged right now, 58 00:03:14,445 --> 00:03:16,845 I’m not gonna be able to sleep for hours, you know. 59 00:03:18,645 --> 00:03:22,565 You motherfucker! Suck my dick! Suck it! 60 00:03:24,965 --> 00:03:26,245 I wasn’t sure at first, 61 00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:28,445 but I think that new haircut takes years off you. 62 00:03:28,525 --> 00:03:29,885 Oh, thank you. 63 00:03:30,445 --> 00:03:34,245 And also, I’d like to officially thank you 64 00:03:34,325 --> 00:03:36,325 for agreeing to share our... 65 00:03:37,245 --> 00:03:38,925 our martial bed once again. 66 00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:40,885 And now... 67 00:03:42,205 --> 00:03:44,325 No, no, no, no, Iain. I’m not quite ready for that, no. 68 00:03:44,405 --> 00:03:46,485 - Please! - No, Iain. Soon, darling. 69 00:03:48,405 --> 00:03:51,725 Sorry. Make way! 70 00:03:53,285 --> 00:03:54,845 - Iain! - I’m sorry. 71 00:03:56,005 --> 00:03:59,805 07700 900843. Dr. Iain Glennis speaking. 72 00:03:59,885 --> 00:04:01,125 Iain, it’s Sherry. 73 00:04:01,205 --> 00:04:02,885 Oh, hello, Sherry. 74 00:04:02,965 --> 00:04:05,845 How would you and Mrs. G like to join me and Mrs. S at the club? 75 00:04:06,605 --> 00:04:07,685 Oh, yes. 76 00:04:07,765 --> 00:04:10,045 Yes, I’d like that very much. 77 00:04:10,645 --> 00:04:12,765 Well, great. See you there at midday. 78 00:04:12,845 --> 00:04:14,445 Yes. Goodbye. 79 00:04:15,685 --> 00:04:18,365 - Sherry? - Yes, short for Sherringford. 80 00:04:19,085 --> 00:04:20,365 Sherringford? 81 00:04:20,445 --> 00:04:22,045 Yes. Sherringford Samson. 82 00:04:23,205 --> 00:04:24,845 He’s just invited me 83 00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:28,005 and the most beautiful woman in the world 84 00:04:28,085 --> 00:04:32,525 to spend the afternoon with him in his rather exclusive 85 00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:33,925 country club. 86 00:04:35,285 --> 00:04:37,445 Oh, Iain! 87 00:04:38,125 --> 00:04:39,365 - Oh! - Oh. 88 00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,285 I’m just going to pick out my outfit. 89 00:04:44,405 --> 00:04:45,685 We have to clean the whole flat? 90 00:04:45,765 --> 00:04:47,885 Yes. I want it to look nice for Vanessa. 91 00:04:47,965 --> 00:04:50,085 Why would she come in the bedroom? 92 00:04:50,165 --> 00:04:52,205 - I’ll get it! - Thanks, Will! 93 00:04:52,285 --> 00:04:53,325 Because, you know... 94 00:04:57,765 --> 00:05:00,005 I’m really sorry. 95 00:05:00,365 --> 00:05:03,685 Please, Vanessa, stop apologizing. I’m used to it. 96 00:05:03,765 --> 00:05:04,805 Okay. 97 00:05:04,885 --> 00:05:06,485 How are you feeling, Daniel? 98 00:05:07,645 --> 00:05:10,725 - You know, not too bad. - Why, what’s wrong? 99 00:05:13,245 --> 00:05:15,525 I’m sure... I’m sure I told you about my... 100 00:05:16,405 --> 00:05:17,525 illness. 101 00:05:17,605 --> 00:05:19,765 Oh, right! 102 00:05:20,165 --> 00:05:21,245 God! 103 00:05:21,965 --> 00:05:23,645 And how are you, Vanessa? 104 00:05:24,445 --> 00:05:25,525 I’m okay. 105 00:05:26,765 --> 00:05:28,045 I lost my husband recently. 106 00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:29,685 Mmm. Ash, right? 107 00:05:30,365 --> 00:05:33,525 Daniel’s other best friend. He sounded like a cool dude. 108 00:05:33,605 --> 00:05:34,805 He was. 109 00:05:35,925 --> 00:05:37,405 I’m just starting to think... 110 00:05:38,365 --> 00:05:40,645 how well did I really know you, Ash? 111 00:05:41,925 --> 00:05:43,565 I found condoms in his wallet. 112 00:05:46,605 --> 00:05:48,645 We hadn’t used condoms for ages. 113 00:05:48,725 --> 00:05:50,125 Well, maybe they were old ones. 114 00:05:50,765 --> 00:05:52,325 I still don’t know where his car is. 115 00:05:53,965 --> 00:05:55,525 And now this thing with his phone. 116 00:05:56,245 --> 00:05:59,245 I can’t get into it. His code was always 2019. 117 00:05:59,325 --> 00:06:01,165 - Yeah. - The same as yours. 118 00:06:01,245 --> 00:06:04,245 - Yeah, it was always that. - The year Blade Runner’s set. Very cool. 119 00:06:04,325 --> 00:06:07,245 But since I got it back from the hospital, that code doesn’t work. 120 00:06:09,405 --> 00:06:11,205 Oh, well, you know. 121 00:06:11,285 --> 00:06:15,565 Maybe it caught a virus from being at the hospital. 122 00:06:17,885 --> 00:06:20,365 - That’s not funny, Daniel. - That is not cool, bro. 123 00:06:21,645 --> 00:06:24,725 Is there a way of getting into a phone without knowing the code? 124 00:06:24,805 --> 00:06:26,885 Well, even the FBI can’t hack those things, Vanessa. 125 00:06:26,965 --> 00:06:29,565 Anyway, I have got some excellent carob bars. 126 00:06:30,765 --> 00:06:34,125 Yeah! They’re zero calories and taste amazing. 127 00:06:35,325 --> 00:06:36,725 Please, Dad. 128 00:06:37,005 --> 00:06:40,445 It’s a lovely day. Your mother wouldn’t be very happy 129 00:06:40,525 --> 00:06:42,165 if I took you to a dark cinema, would she? 130 00:06:42,685 --> 00:06:45,485 - But it’s a classic! - Maybe if it was The Hunger Games, 131 00:06:45,565 --> 00:06:47,045 but not Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 132 00:06:47,125 --> 00:06:48,205 You’re 11. 133 00:06:53,205 --> 00:06:55,365 Put that in the dishwasher. 134 00:06:55,445 --> 00:06:56,525 Hello? 135 00:06:57,445 --> 00:06:59,805 Okay. Well, I’ll get there as soon as I can. 136 00:07:00,405 --> 00:07:03,005 Um... We’re going to have to take a trip into work. 137 00:07:03,085 --> 00:07:04,605 But it’s Sunday. 138 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:07,245 Well, I’m sorry, young lady, but the alarm has gone off. 139 00:07:07,325 --> 00:07:09,725 Oh, so I’m not allowed to see an acclaimed horror film, 140 00:07:09,805 --> 00:07:12,685 but I am allowed to be a security guard for a health insurance firm? 141 00:07:12,765 --> 00:07:14,565 Can you just... 142 00:07:15,965 --> 00:07:17,485 ...grow up? 143 00:07:19,245 --> 00:07:20,765 I wish we had a nicer car. 144 00:07:20,845 --> 00:07:22,925 What? This is an Audi, my darling. 145 00:07:23,005 --> 00:07:24,885 Yes, and it’s bashed to pieces. 146 00:07:24,965 --> 00:07:26,565 Accidents can’t be helped, can they? 147 00:07:26,645 --> 00:07:29,565 Yes, they can. You just need to take more care, darling. 148 00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:33,645 I... I told you. I was swerving to avoid a squirrel. 149 00:07:35,965 --> 00:07:38,085 So, where is Ash buried? 150 00:07:39,205 --> 00:07:40,565 He was cremated. 151 00:07:41,645 --> 00:07:46,565 I, um... I haven’t scattered the ashes yet. I just... I’ve not felt ready. 152 00:07:46,645 --> 00:07:47,765 I get that. 153 00:07:48,285 --> 00:07:49,565 So where did you guys meet? 154 00:07:50,645 --> 00:07:53,565 Funny enough, right here, in the garden. 155 00:07:54,325 --> 00:07:57,765 Daniel and Becca’s barbecue, three years ago. 156 00:08:00,565 --> 00:08:01,725 Down here? 157 00:08:01,805 --> 00:08:03,005 Uh... yes. 158 00:08:03,605 --> 00:08:06,125 It was a summer evening. 159 00:08:06,805 --> 00:08:09,125 He was wearing his Indiana Jones T-shirt. 160 00:08:09,205 --> 00:08:10,325 Raiders? 161 00:08:11,045 --> 00:08:12,565 Uh... I guess. 162 00:08:13,325 --> 00:08:16,365 Vanessa, you should totally scatter his ashes in the garden. 163 00:08:16,445 --> 00:08:17,685 Oh, Will! 164 00:08:18,205 --> 00:08:20,325 You heard what she said. She’s... she's not ready. 165 00:08:20,405 --> 00:08:22,805 No, he’s right. I should. 166 00:08:23,325 --> 00:08:24,685 Do it today! 167 00:08:24,765 --> 00:08:27,205 Oh, it’s a bit... Let’s not rush her. 168 00:08:28,045 --> 00:08:29,485 Could we do it today? 169 00:08:30,365 --> 00:08:34,605 No. I think you need to get permission from the council before you... 170 00:08:35,285 --> 00:08:36,725 scatter ashes in a... 171 00:08:36,805 --> 00:08:38,205 For God’s sake, Daniel! 172 00:08:38,285 --> 00:08:39,685 Look, of course we can. 173 00:08:39,765 --> 00:08:41,685 I’ll drive you back and we can get the urn. 174 00:08:42,485 --> 00:08:43,605 Okay. 175 00:09:01,645 --> 00:09:02,805 He is dead. 176 00:09:08,165 --> 00:09:09,525 - Jesus! - Hey. 177 00:09:09,605 --> 00:09:12,565 You scared the shit out of me. Why did you suggest that to Vanessa? 178 00:09:12,645 --> 00:09:14,245 Sorry. I was just trying to be nice. 179 00:09:14,645 --> 00:09:18,405 Well, we’re gonna be scattering his ashes where he landed. 180 00:09:18,885 --> 00:09:19,885 Shit! 181 00:09:19,965 --> 00:09:21,405 I didn’t think. Forgive me. 182 00:09:21,925 --> 00:09:24,125 Just... think in future. 183 00:09:24,205 --> 00:09:25,365 Will do. 184 00:09:25,445 --> 00:09:29,125 So, what are you doing here? Checking there’s no sign of him? 185 00:09:30,245 --> 00:09:31,605 I’m just... just seeing 186 00:09:31,685 --> 00:09:33,445 - if I’ve missed anything. - Hmm. 187 00:09:34,165 --> 00:09:35,845 Like, did you ever notice that? 188 00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:38,925 Oh, fuck! 189 00:09:40,805 --> 00:09:43,685 If there’s any footage, I’ll need to delete it before he sees it. 190 00:09:44,485 --> 00:09:47,445 I’ll create a diversion. So, what’s he like? 191 00:09:47,525 --> 00:09:48,645 A bit weird. 192 00:09:49,165 --> 00:09:51,085 Sometimes I see him going through our bins. 193 00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:53,085 Plus there’s... 194 00:09:54,365 --> 00:09:56,285 Cameras. 195 00:09:59,605 --> 00:10:01,285 Maybe he’s not in. 196 00:10:02,045 --> 00:10:03,805 Hello! Anybody home? 197 00:10:03,885 --> 00:10:05,885 - We’re not Jehovah’s Witnesses! - Will! 198 00:10:06,485 --> 00:10:08,325 See? 199 00:10:12,805 --> 00:10:14,165 What do you want? 200 00:10:14,245 --> 00:10:15,725 Hi. 201 00:10:16,325 --> 00:10:17,925 Sorry, I’ve completely forgotten your name. 202 00:10:18,005 --> 00:10:19,125 It’s Paul. 203 00:10:19,205 --> 00:10:20,605 Paul, yeah. 204 00:10:20,685 --> 00:10:23,725 Um, my drainpipe at the back of ours has come loose 205 00:10:23,805 --> 00:10:26,645 and it looks like someone might’ve tried to break in. 206 00:10:26,725 --> 00:10:28,605 Mmm. And maybe he fell into the garden. 207 00:10:29,845 --> 00:10:32,965 You have a security camera pointing at our wall 208 00:10:33,045 --> 00:10:35,285 and I just thought you might have some footage of what happened. 209 00:10:35,365 --> 00:10:36,645 I might. 210 00:10:38,325 --> 00:10:40,205 Right. Is there...? 211 00:10:40,285 --> 00:10:42,685 - Can we come in and... - What’s wrong with your face? 212 00:10:45,645 --> 00:10:47,325 - I was eight years old. - Mmm? 213 00:10:47,885 --> 00:10:50,845 Mom had been ironing in our trailer. She left the iron on. 214 00:10:50,925 --> 00:10:53,005 I was standing on a stool, reaching for the cookie jar. 215 00:10:53,085 --> 00:10:56,405 The stool gave way, took the ironing board down with me and... 216 00:10:57,525 --> 00:10:59,045 And... what? 217 00:11:01,005 --> 00:11:03,525 And... the iron fell on my face. 218 00:11:03,605 --> 00:11:04,845 Oh, right. 219 00:11:05,885 --> 00:11:09,085 As long as you’re not some kind of masked burglar 220 00:11:11,845 --> 00:11:13,125 Wait here. 221 00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:16,525 I’m going to get changed. 222 00:11:16,605 --> 00:11:18,525 Can you... can you just stop saying things? 223 00:11:18,605 --> 00:11:19,645 What? 224 00:11:19,725 --> 00:11:21,645 He might’ve fallen in the garden! 225 00:11:21,725 --> 00:11:24,085 Yeah, but that is what the footage is gonna show, right? 226 00:11:26,365 --> 00:11:28,165 On what day do you think it happened? 227 00:11:28,765 --> 00:11:30,165 Let me think... 228 00:11:31,485 --> 00:11:34,165 - Could we try May the 16th? - Mm-hm. 229 00:11:34,285 --> 00:11:35,725 About 1:45 pm? 230 00:11:37,285 --> 00:11:39,005 Is that an Xbox One? 231 00:11:39,085 --> 00:11:40,565 Yes! 232 00:11:40,645 --> 00:11:43,725 If you’re a serious gamer, you should really consider getting the PS4. 233 00:11:43,805 --> 00:11:45,725 The Xbox One is a superior machine. 234 00:11:45,805 --> 00:11:48,525 For pure gaming, it’s not, and their network is a turd. 235 00:11:48,605 --> 00:11:50,525 Has PlayStation got backwards compatibility? 236 00:11:50,605 --> 00:11:52,085 No, because we don’t live in the past. 237 00:11:52,165 --> 00:11:53,685 You’re just a PlayStation fanboy. 238 00:11:53,765 --> 00:11:56,485 And you’re just a Microsoft pussy with a Microsoft dick. 239 00:11:56,565 --> 00:11:58,365 - Right, get out! - Let’s not overreact... 240 00:11:58,445 --> 00:11:59,525 No, you too. Out. 241 00:11:59,605 --> 00:12:01,285 But we haven’t looked at the footage yet. 242 00:12:01,365 --> 00:12:03,965 No, and you and Boardwalk Empire here never will. 243 00:12:04,045 --> 00:12:05,885 - Apologize, Will. - No fucking way! 244 00:12:05,965 --> 00:12:07,885 Get out! I’m calling the police on you. 245 00:12:08,645 --> 00:12:10,485 Out! Move! Thank you. 246 00:12:20,930 --> 00:12:22,850 Oh, the owners are here to greet us. 247 00:12:22,930 --> 00:12:24,730 I think they're the staff, Iain. 248 00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:26,410 Really? Okay. 249 00:12:27,810 --> 00:12:29,690 Darling, I do wish you’d worn your matching trousers. 250 00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:31,770 I know, but moths had eaten the gusset, darling. 251 00:12:36,570 --> 00:12:38,290 - Iain. - Ah, Sherry. 252 00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:39,890 Hello. 253 00:12:40,730 --> 00:12:43,650 And your fragrant wife. 254 00:12:43,730 --> 00:12:45,370 Yes. This is Annette. 255 00:12:46,090 --> 00:12:48,370 - Hello... Sherry. - Hello. 256 00:12:49,090 --> 00:12:51,890 Come and meet Mrs. S. And the Frobishers are here and the- 257 00:12:51,970 --> 00:12:53,290 Excuse me, Mr. Samson. 258 00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,650 You’ve trodden in something. 259 00:12:55,730 --> 00:12:57,130 No, I don’t think I have. 260 00:12:57,810 --> 00:13:00,290 Oh, bedknobs and broomsticks! 261 00:13:00,370 --> 00:13:02,290 - Make your excuses and go and clean them. - Yes, I’m sorry. 262 00:13:02,770 --> 00:13:04,490 I’ll go and find a hose. 263 00:13:04,570 --> 00:13:06,530 Oh, what? 264 00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:09,490 - 07700 800... - It’s me. 265 00:13:09,570 --> 00:13:11,330 Okay, you need to get here right now. 266 00:13:11,410 --> 00:13:12,970 I can’t, Daniel. I’m at a function. 267 00:13:13,050 --> 00:13:14,650 There's footage of what happened in the garden! 268 00:13:14,730 --> 00:13:17,570 My neighbor has a security camera pointed right where it happened. 269 00:13:17,970 --> 00:13:19,050 Have you been arrested? 270 00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:21,210 No, but if he sees it then we both will. 271 00:13:21,890 --> 00:13:23,450 What am I supposed to do? 272 00:13:23,530 --> 00:13:25,810 Right. I need you to go round there 273 00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:27,930 and you need to steal the hard drive. 274 00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:30,250 How? Using my invisibility cloak? 275 00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:31,810 There must be something you can do. 276 00:13:31,890 --> 00:13:32,970 Ugh! 277 00:13:39,010 --> 00:13:41,210 It's always left to bloomin' muggins! 278 00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:46,490 I think Ash was having an affair. 279 00:13:47,170 --> 00:13:49,090 Ash? An affair? Don’t be so silly. 280 00:13:50,450 --> 00:13:52,490 Oh, I think, um... 281 00:13:52,570 --> 00:13:53,810 Huh? Oh. 282 00:13:55,290 --> 00:13:57,210 Well, he certainly takes after his dad. 283 00:13:57,530 --> 00:14:00,690 Don’t you, Mr. Stinky Winky? 284 00:14:06,130 --> 00:14:07,690 I miss you so much. 285 00:14:13,770 --> 00:14:16,050 I just want a little bit of you to keep. 286 00:14:33,010 --> 00:14:34,010 Fuck! 287 00:14:34,810 --> 00:14:35,810 Fuck. 288 00:14:58,610 --> 00:14:59,650 Hey. 289 00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,290 - You okay? - Yes. 290 00:15:04,490 --> 00:15:05,490 Yeah. 291 00:15:06,090 --> 00:15:07,370 Got Ash. 292 00:15:14,010 --> 00:15:17,170 - Oh, hello. - Who are you? 293 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:21,690 I’m from the council, sir. Just here spraying for pests. 294 00:15:21,770 --> 00:15:24,330 - What kind of pests? - You never know, sir. 295 00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:26,610 There's a big increase in... 296 00:15:27,330 --> 00:15:28,930 in woodlice there. 297 00:15:31,050 --> 00:15:33,730 - Can I come in, sir? May I? - Yes. 298 00:15:34,490 --> 00:15:35,810 Thanks a million. 299 00:15:42,450 --> 00:15:43,690 Stay close. 300 00:15:49,130 --> 00:15:50,770 Oh, right, yeah. Okay, good. 301 00:15:51,370 --> 00:15:54,570 Now... don’t be scared, okay? 302 00:15:54,650 --> 00:15:56,130 - I’m not. - Well, good. 303 00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:57,290 What if someone broke in? 304 00:15:57,370 --> 00:16:00,010 You said animal rights protestors hate Mr. West. 305 00:16:00,090 --> 00:16:01,850 No one’s broken in. 306 00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:04,210 Okay, hide. 307 00:16:11,410 --> 00:16:12,530 Get down! 308 00:16:17,850 --> 00:16:20,490 - Linda! - Michael, what are you doing? 309 00:16:20,570 --> 00:16:22,570 We thought you were an animal rights protestor. 310 00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:25,210 Oh, right. And who are you? 311 00:16:25,290 --> 00:16:27,650 Well, my wife’s away, so I had to bring Beth with me. 312 00:16:28,410 --> 00:16:29,890 Well, nice to meet you. 313 00:16:30,410 --> 00:16:31,570 Are you his mistress? 314 00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:33,530 No! This is my daughter. 315 00:16:34,090 --> 00:16:35,370 - Oh, right. - What are you doing here? 316 00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:37,770 Well, Mr. West asked me to come and meet him here 317 00:16:37,850 --> 00:16:41,130 to show him my latest invention, the office bracelet. 318 00:16:41,210 --> 00:16:43,290 Mr. West wouldn’t call a meeting on a Sunday. 319 00:16:43,370 --> 00:16:46,810 Oh, he was very insistent, and he told me to wear my yellow dress. 320 00:16:48,610 --> 00:16:53,410 Okay, well, let’s go and sort these lights out before Mr. West gets here. 321 00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:56,930 Mr. West is trying to have sex with her, isn’t he? 322 00:16:57,370 --> 00:16:58,810 I don’t know what that means. 323 00:17:05,530 --> 00:17:06,970 This is where we met 324 00:17:07,610 --> 00:17:09,290 and where he proposed to me. 325 00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,810 And now it’s where he’ll stay forever. 326 00:17:16,970 --> 00:17:18,210 Goodbye, Ash. 327 00:17:19,810 --> 00:17:21,410 Oh, God! 328 00:17:25,970 --> 00:17:27,890 Why... why is he like that? 329 00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:33,090 Well, the lid mustn’t have shut properly. I guess condensation? 330 00:17:33,890 --> 00:17:35,050 But he... 331 00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:38,130 Well, he can’t just sit there on the lawn, looking like a... 332 00:17:38,810 --> 00:17:40,010 - Turd. - Will! 333 00:17:41,450 --> 00:17:44,370 I think it’s gonna rain later. 334 00:17:44,450 --> 00:17:47,210 You know, that will, um, help to... 335 00:17:48,370 --> 00:17:49,450 evenly 336 00:17:50,810 --> 00:17:52,490 distribute... him. 337 00:17:52,890 --> 00:17:54,690 Oh, God! 338 00:17:55,530 --> 00:17:57,490 How do you evenly distribute a turd? 339 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:00,730 You said you’d get that fixed. 340 00:18:01,570 --> 00:18:03,410 Oh, yeah. No, I called someone, 341 00:18:03,490 --> 00:18:06,930 but they said they couldn’t get it done for a couple of weeks. 342 00:18:07,010 --> 00:18:08,530 Well, somebody’s tried to break in. 343 00:18:08,610 --> 00:18:10,410 No, it’s squirrels. I told you. 344 00:18:10,490 --> 00:18:12,650 Becca, even if you wanna find out if someone’s broken in, 345 00:18:12,730 --> 00:18:13,970 he won’t show you the footage. 346 00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:15,850 I’m sorry. I’m sorry, what footage? 347 00:18:15,930 --> 00:18:18,690 - He’s just... - The camera up there 348 00:18:18,770 --> 00:18:19,810 would’ve filmed everything, 349 00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:21,330 - but there’s no use going next door. - Why? 350 00:18:21,410 --> 00:18:23,730 Because we already asked. He said he wouldn’t show us, 351 00:18:23,810 --> 00:18:25,890 stupid fucking Xbox fanboy. 352 00:18:27,490 --> 00:18:29,450 - Yeah, well, I’m going round right now. - Wait! 353 00:18:29,530 --> 00:18:32,610 Do you know what, I think he said he was going on holiday. He’s not gonna be in. 354 00:18:35,450 --> 00:18:38,450 Sorry, sir. Could I have a glass of water, sir? 355 00:18:40,010 --> 00:18:42,090 Oh, couldn’t have it from the tap, could I? 356 00:18:42,170 --> 00:18:43,810 I don’t like the flavor of the bottles. 357 00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:46,050 Smells like dog shit in here. 358 00:18:56,210 --> 00:18:57,810 You’re not welcome in here. 359 00:18:57,890 --> 00:18:59,850 Okay, you heard him. Let’s go, Becca. 360 00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,690 You have a camera pointed at my property. 361 00:19:01,770 --> 00:19:03,370 Do you want me to have you arrested as a peeping tom? 362 00:19:03,450 --> 00:19:05,570 I'm not a peeping tom! I'm keeping the neighborhood safe. 363 00:19:05,650 --> 00:19:07,330 - Then show us the footage. - Fine. 364 00:19:07,410 --> 00:19:10,450 But your mate Phantom of the Opera was very insulting. 365 00:19:10,530 --> 00:19:12,570 - Yeah, sorry about him. - Whoa! 366 00:19:15,810 --> 00:19:18,330 Council, spraying for bugs. 367 00:19:18,930 --> 00:19:20,890 - They not been to yours? - No. 368 00:19:20,970 --> 00:19:23,290 I’ll be round to yours after here, madam. 369 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,890 I know. Why don’t you go back and look after Vanessa 370 00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:28,130 and I’ll stay here and take care of this. 371 00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:30,250 Can you just show us the footage, please? 372 00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:34,050 I’ve already isolated the recording from the day in question. 373 00:19:35,370 --> 00:19:37,170 Oh, yeah. That looks too grainy. 374 00:19:37,970 --> 00:19:40,610 I think this has been a waste of time. I think we should... Let’s go, Becca. 375 00:19:40,690 --> 00:19:43,930 It’s 720p HD with a two-megapixel camera. 376 00:19:44,010 --> 00:19:45,650 It is not grainy. 377 00:19:50,370 --> 00:19:51,410 Whizz it on a bit. 378 00:19:56,330 --> 00:19:57,410 Right, yes. 379 00:19:57,490 --> 00:19:58,930 Oh, Seamus, ye... 380 00:19:59,650 --> 00:20:01,090 Ye ficking idiot, so! 381 00:20:02,130 --> 00:20:05,290 I have to pop out to me van. I've forgotten something. 382 00:20:08,850 --> 00:20:10,410 I don't fucking believe it! 383 00:20:11,410 --> 00:20:12,770 You were right. 384 00:20:12,850 --> 00:20:13,890 Squirrels. 385 00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:17,930 See? Yeah, I told you. 386 00:20:18,010 --> 00:20:19,290 Bloody pests. 387 00:20:19,610 --> 00:20:21,290 - Thank Christ for that. - What do you mean? 388 00:20:21,370 --> 00:20:22,930 Now we can’t claim on the insurance. 389 00:20:23,690 --> 00:20:25,290 No, yeah, well, I meant, you know... 390 00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:29,650 Thank Christ we weren’t targets of dangerous thieves. 391 00:20:30,570 --> 00:20:32,490 So a squirrel blocked my lens 392 00:20:32,570 --> 00:20:34,890 whilst its mate vandalized your drainpipe? 393 00:20:35,530 --> 00:20:39,010 - Yeah. Yeah, that... - that makes sense to me. 394 00:20:45,930 --> 00:20:47,210 You want me to 395 00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:49,170 spread it around a bit with my shoe? 396 00:20:53,050 --> 00:20:54,250 No. 397 00:20:58,610 --> 00:20:59,810 Bit more. 398 00:20:59,890 --> 00:21:01,570 Bit more. Thank you. 399 00:21:06,170 --> 00:21:07,250 Hello. 400 00:21:07,970 --> 00:21:09,010 Where have you been? 401 00:21:09,530 --> 00:21:12,330 You’ve missed all Sherry’s stories about playing billiards with Alex Higgins. 402 00:21:12,410 --> 00:21:16,290 Iain! Mrs. G told me about your little accident. 403 00:21:16,370 --> 00:21:18,250 There’s a lot of deer in Barlow Lakes’ grounds. 404 00:21:18,330 --> 00:21:21,370 Yes, my diagnosis is one of them has a... 405 00:21:22,290 --> 00:21:24,570 a bad case of deer-o-rrhea. 406 00:21:26,210 --> 00:21:27,650 Diarrhea. 407 00:21:28,170 --> 00:21:29,410 Very good, yes. 408 00:21:30,530 --> 00:21:33,330 I should look into getting you two membership here. 409 00:21:33,410 --> 00:21:34,970 With Kenny West and me as sponsors, 410 00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:36,090 you’ll be a... 411 00:21:36,170 --> 00:21:37,650 a shoe-in! 412 00:21:44,450 --> 00:21:46,370 - Finally. - There you go. 413 00:21:46,450 --> 00:21:49,010 Nothing to be scared of. But, you know, if you can’t handle a dark office, 414 00:21:49,090 --> 00:21:52,290 then I don’t think you can handle Texas Chainsaw Massacre. 415 00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:58,250 Kenny? 416 00:22:00,170 --> 00:22:01,490 Kenny? 417 00:22:13,010 --> 00:22:14,090 Kenny! 418 00:22:14,170 --> 00:22:15,330 Kenny, no! 419 00:22:19,570 --> 00:22:21,570 Mr. West committed suicide. 420 00:22:22,290 --> 00:22:23,570 Nope. 421 00:22:23,650 --> 00:22:25,810 That’s autoerotic asphyxiation. 422 00:22:28,667 --> 00:22:33,667 Subtitles by explosiveskull 30776

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