Original subtitles

In 1986, I was 13

and the world was changing.

Oprah Winfrey had her first talk show,

Hands Across America gave Jordan Peele the idea for "Us,"

the USSR launched a space station,

and Halle Berry came in second place in Miss USA.

She lost to Christy Fichtner.

But Christy doesn't have an Oscar.

- 1986 was a big year... - Morning.

...for my family, too.

"Alicia Johnson. Partner."

My mom was leaning into her new promotion.

Ah.

And when dad became a teacher, he found his calling.

Hello, class.

I'm Mr. Jackson.

But I hope you'll call me... friend.

And my sister Santamonica

realized she was a nasty girl, thanks to Ms. Jackson.

Johan? Rainbow?

I need backup dancers!

Back then, families also used to gather

to watch television together,

and our family show was "Dukes of Hazzard."

Man, I am too excited for "Dukes of Hazzard" tonight.

Ba-da da da da-da

- da-da da da daaa-da! - Hey! Ha ha!

That's right, we loved a show about two good ol' boys

outrunning the cops in their car

with a Confederate flag on it.

In some ways,

1986 was a really long time ago.

Is it weird that the two of you

have the same favorite TV show?

Once a week, he and I are both rooting against the police.

I'm not gonna question it.

- Love the new look, son. - Thanks, Dad.

Getting you not to dress like a hitchhiker

is the best use of my tax dollars

since the moon landing.

Since when do you pay taxes?

In 1986, I was coming into my own

as a young, gifted, and mixed young woman.

And I wanted to help my brother, Johan,

grow into the confidence that I had.

Mom, Dad.

A bully at school called Johan a really bad name.

A really bad name? What did he call you?

I don't remember.

He's on his third concussion. He may be telling the truth.

Rainbow, what name did that bully call your brother?

It's so bad I can't say it.

I can say it. Can I say it?

Oh, please! Please let me say it!

H-Hold up. It's... It's not...

Yeah. I think it's that word.

Oh, no.

My parents couldn't believe that their son

had been hit with the Mac Daddy of slurs.

For the first time,

Johan was called...

Okay. We're all adults here.

So I'm just gonna say it.

Wait. I'm not gonna get in trouble if I say it, right?

♪ In the mix ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, they keep trying ♪

♪ But they can't stop us ♪

♪ 'Cause we got a love ♪

♪ That keeps rising up ♪

♪ In the mix ♪

♪ Life turns around ♪

♪ 'Round and 'round it goes ♪

♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up world ♪ ♪ Ooh, it's a mixed-up ♪

♪ And that's for sure ♪ ♪ Mixed-up ♪

♪ In the mix ♪ ♪ Baby ♪

♪ We're gonna get by ♪ ♪ We're gonna ♪

♪ On our own, side by side ♪

♪ Love's all we need to be free ♪ ♪ Lo-o-o-ve is all ♪

♪ I got you, you got me ♪

♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪

♪ I-I-In the mix ♪

♪ Yaaaaay us! ♪

♪ I-I-In the mix-ish ♪

I really hoped this day would never come.

Racism. Always right on time.

Like a Japanese train.

Whoa, Dad, that's a little racist.

Have you ever been to Tokyo?

They're always on time.

Yeah, with their funny little ninja costumes

and samurai swords.

You know what? We've been prepared for this.

You're right.

- I'll get the binder. - Binder?

Yeah. As involved in The Movement as I was,

I saw the impact slurs had on children.

So I made this binder.

"So You've Been Called The N-word"?

I tried to make it into a children's book,

but America wasn't ready for it.

Mnh-mnh.

"You've been called a word,

it's rude and it's dirty,

it's not who you are, but still it feels hurty."

- Wait, Dad, stop. - No. I know.

"Hurty" isn't a word, but it still applies.

Okay.

Um, listen.

I know what you went through hurts.

But sadly, every Black person in this country

has felt what you're feeling.

I went through this,

your Aunt Dee-Dee went through this,

Martin Luther King Jr. even went through this.

Wait.

Martin Luther King Jr. was called a beaner?

- What? - Wait, what?

Hmm?

Hmm?

That's what you were called?

But you're not Mexican.

Assuming that guy really is your dad.

Hey. For the last time,

we weren't an orgy commune,

we were an overthrow capitalism commune.

Whew, okay. So it wasn't the word.

I feel so relieved.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's not that big of a deal.

No, it's not nothing, it's still a mean word,

but, um... never saw this coming.

We all probably should've.

That hair definitely celebrates Cinco de Mayo.

Well, I'm just glad I don't have to listen

to whatever else is in that binder.

And I don't have to dress up like a 10-year-old

to fight a kid.

I have done it before.

Why are you all relieved?

It's still a terrible thing to call someone.

- Mm-hmm. - Oh, sure, yeah, it's...

- it's terrible. - It's so terrible.

- Awful. - Awful.

- Really bad. - Horrible.

Mm-hmm.

- Alicia, d-do you want to... - Mm-hmm.

...tell the kids the history of that word?

Hmm? Hmm?

Hmm?

Yeah.

Um... so, it's a...

legume-based slur.

It's, uh... It's...

Uh, honey, can I have a quick sidebar with you?

- Conversation? - Oh, absolutely.

Kids, why don't you, uh, go play before "Dukes of Hazzard"

while your Mommy and I put together our full presentation.

- I got this, Mom and Dad. - Okay.

I'll take the kiddos.

I know the presentation was made up,

but it actually sounds like a really great idea.

- Okay. - Oh.

Thanks.

Oh, God.

I could tell my brother was dealing with a lot

and didn't want to talk about it with my parents,

but I knew he would open up to me.

Hey, Johan.

Do you want to open up to me?

No.

Johan, come on. I-It's me.

How are you feeling?

I'm fine.

Hey, I've been where you've been.

So we can talk about it.

Remember when Daniel told Mr. Miyagi he was being bullied?

You're going to teach me karate?

No. But I'm a shoulder to lean on.

I don't need a hug.

I told you, I'm fine.

You are loved!

Oh, my God.

"Legume-based"? What was that?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

After the way I just threw you under the bus,

babe, that was heroic.

I mean, it... it sounded like you've been explaining slurs

to children for years.

You guys figure out that little nickname problem with Johan?

Hey, Dad, this is a private parenting conversation, okay?

Since when is anything in this house private?

You leave your doors unlocked

like you live in a park bathroom.

We're trying to figure out what to say to Johan.

Is this a Level Five situation, like when we had to explain

why Denise and that guy from the grocery store

- were having a sleepover? - Uh-huh.

Or is it a Level Ten like when we saw Shaman Dave Jr.

- burying Shaman Dave Sr.? - Mm.

Oh, why are we now in a second location

still talking about Johan's light-skinned problems?

At the end of the day, it's not as bad as the N-word

because Johan is Black.

At least he's still got a little bit of his innocence left.

He didn't get a hurricane of racism, he got a tropical storm.

You're right.

I know the ugliness of that word is coming for him.

And one day it'll happen,

but as of today he is still the boy

who accidentally walks in on me in the shower.

You know what, Paul?

It's clearly a Level Seven.

Okay. Okay, well, we just...

we go in, we talk to him, we do some good Level Seven healing,

and... and we can pretend like we nailed this from the start.

Sounds like a plan.

Yeah. Let's go.

Right behind you.

Hey, how often is he walking in on you in the shower?

Oh, often.

Hey, little string bean.

Nope, nope, can't say that anymore.

Hey, buddy.

We know you've had a hard day.

We're just checking in to see how you're feeling.

Sore.

Yeah. Like... here?

No, here.

Classic skateboarding accident.

I stuck my first ollie and then ate it on my celebration dance.

Ah.

Seems like he's okay.

Yeah, but how do we know he's not using skateboarding

as a shield to hide his emotional trauma?

Good point.

Are you using skateboarding

as a shield to hide your emotional trauma?

You can tell us. We're here to support you.

Yep, tomorrow we are gonna go down to the school

to make sure this never happens again.

You don't need to do that.

Why don't you want us to go to the school?

Because some people at school think I'm Mexican.

Right. But then you just tell them that you're not.

Mm-hmm.

I probably should've done that.

You... You didn't do that?

Nah. I've just been rolling with it.

I haven't been correcting them.

Which may be how this got started in the first place.

Wait, wait, wait, what?

S-So you've been passing... for Mexican?

Yes.

But I'm not passing Spanish.

That's another conversation.

Okay, this is Level Ten.

When my parents found out

my brother had been passing for Mexican,

they felt a lot of feelings. But mostly... confusion.

So, Johan,

why would you want people to think you were Mexican?

Not that there's anything wrong with being Mexican.

- No. - I would love you just the same

even if you were Mexican. Or Hispanic. Or Latino.

Are those the same?

- Get it together. - What are you talking about?

This is going great. I'm nailing it.

It's not my fault. It all just kind of snowballed.

Some people thought I was Mexican

and it was just easier not to correct them.

Johan, it's not okay to pretend to be a different race.

- No. - Who's it hurting?

Honestly, it's the smartest thing I've done.

I've got more friends, and I'm already planning my quinceañera.

Oh.

Johan, you can't pretend you're something you're not.

Why not?

Why not?

Cultural appropriation. Rachel Dolezal.

But back then, we didn't know about all of that, so I said...

Um, duh!

I can't even believe I have to explain it.

I was able to brush him off with that answer

until he was 25.

Did you know Johan was pretending to be Mexican?

No clue, but I do have a theory.

Maybe we are Mexican.

Maybe that's why Mom and Dad burned their American passports

when they went to the commune.

How did he think it was okay?

This is why I wanted him to open up to me.

I thought he was the victim,

but he's been lying about who he is.

You know, it's not a big deal.

I pretend to be different people all the time.

I pretend to be rich at school.

But that's not the same thing and that was one time.

Last week, I pretended to have a limp.

I got so much attention.

Okay, well, that's not great.

And I call Aunt Denise on the phone at night

pretending to be a psychic service.

I've made $200.

Oh, and I'm pen pals

with a woman who thinks I'm a male prisoner.

What?!

The kids ate all y'all chips.

And by "kids," I mean me.

And by "chips," I mean I used all your laundry detergent.

You will not believe what we found out...

Johan has been letting other kids think he's Mexican.

He's passing.

For Mexican?

If you're gonna pass, pass for white.

Or at least Italian.

Actually, that makes sense.

How does any of this make sense?

You all taught that poor boy to be ashamed of being Black.

You took him to that commune where nobody showered

and nobody talked about race,

and that taught him not to be proud of his Blackness.

What if she's right?

I feel like we do talk to him about race.

Sex stuff, not yet, but I'm working on another binder.

But we didn't for the first 10 years of his life.

The commune was a place where there was no shame

associated with race or class or bodies.

Which may explain why he's been walking in on you in the shower.

Maybe you're right. Maybe he just needs

a booster shot of Black Pride. Remind him of all the things

that make him proud of being Black.

Yeah, the running, the jumping, the jive talkin'.

Uh, D-D-Dad, no, no... You don't need to be here.

That's probably best.

So, on the family schedule for that night,

Black Pride 101.

We think it's important you have pride in who you are.

I couldn't agree more. It's important

we all have pride in who we are.

So we're gonna start teaching you more

about your Black heritage.

I don't need lessons.

I'm the Blackest person in this family.

Watch me walk.

Santi, you can't tell by the way somebody...

Ooh! She's right.

She walk Black.

Starting now, we are subscribing

to both Ebony and Jet magazines.

We support Black publishing.

We're going to the next Ladysmith Black Mambazo concert.

This is what two of you were conceived to.

And right now, we are going to watch "The Color Purple."

That's right. And not just because

some jerk already rented Video World's copy of "Roots."

But "Dukes of Hazzard" is on tonight.

We're gonna miss our show!

This is more important.

So let's all sit down and enjoy this beautiful story

about Black women finding inner strength.

You're gonna see just how wonderful it is to be us.

Okay, so...?

So the lesson's that the world hates Black people?

I get it.

What... What? No. No.

Is the lesson that kids can be taken from their moms

- really, really, really easily? - Aw.

Oh, my God. No. No, no, no, no.

That movie was supposed to teach you this...

Yes, Black people are up against a lot.

But there is pride in... in what we've overcome.

It's literally our theme song.

Yeah, but right now, we have to overcome missing our show.

Look, I appreciate what you guys are doing,

but trust me, it's just easier to pretend to be Mexican.

All I have to do is an accent.

- Oh, God. - You've been doing an accent?

- What? - That is not okay, Johan.

Is it never okay to use an offensive accent.

That's right.

Unless it's funny. Uh, no.

You know what? Let's hear it and decide.

It's a little bit of Cheech Marin

and a little bit of Ricky Ricardo.

- Oh. - I can't believe this.

I'm out.

Baby, listen to me.

If you try to pass as something else,

there's a cost.

You're turning your back on your community.

Black people will always be your people

and they will always know

- that you are one of theirs. - That's right.

Yeah, I always know when somebody's Black.

- Mm. - Jennifer Beals,

Slash, Carol Channing.

It's in the eyes.

And sometimes in the color of their skin.

Wait. So if Black people will always know I'm Black,

then why did a Black kid call me that name?

- Wait, what? - Excuse me?

A-A Black kid didn't know you were Black?

Mm-hmm.

- No, that can't be right. - Come on.

Maybe... Maybe he wasn't Black.

- Ah. - Mm-hmm.

What's his name?

Lavar.

- Lav... - Mm.

Lavar what?

- Honey. - Huh?

- Let it go. - Is there any last name

that could make Lavar a white guy?

- Well... - And that's when my parents realized

their son wasn't Black the way they thought he was.

Lavar O'Malley.

Now, that sounds like a man who can't handle spicy food.

It's not Lavar O'Malley.

Is it O'Malley?

How the heck does another Black kid not know our son is Black?

Maybe Lavar needs glasses.

Tinted glasses?

I've just always seen our kids as Black.

I mean, they are. Aren't they?

They are.

- Aren't they? - They are.

But I guess the world isn't gonna always see them

the way we do.

You know, when we left the commune,

I was afraid one day I would take them to the grocery store

and someone would think I was their nanny.

I've been worried

that I wouldn't be recognized as their mother.

Not that they wouldn't be recognized as my children.

Baby, I've had the same fears.

I-I don't want people to think that I'm their kidnapper

or that I manage a singing group.

This whole time

I've been drawing on my own experiences of being Black

to guide them, but they're gonna have

experiences that I can't even begin to imagine.

Maybe we can stop them from having experiences.

- Mm. - You know, just until they're 21.

Hey, it's gonna be okay.

You guys are just making your way.

The only way you know how.

And that's just a little bit more.

♪ Than the law would allow ♪

You know you have a TV at your house.

♪ Just a good ol' boy ♪

No.

Hey, Rainbow, can you lie down in the driveway

so I can ollie over you?

I tried a bunch of times over the hose,

but it didn't work, so I think the thing needs to be bigger.

Do you not get that I'm mad at you?

Johan, sit down.

I'm upset because by pretending to be Mexican,

do you realize you're rejecting who you are?

You're rejecting your family, you're rejecting me.

I didn't mean to.

I don't feel bad about being Mixed.

I'm just so tired of trying to explain what being Mixed is.

Every time I say I'm Mixed,

I get a million follow-up questions.

"What are you mixed with?"

"Are you more Black or more White?"

"Do you know Lisa Bonet?"

I hate all of those questions, too.

But you know what I realized?

I don't have to answer them.

It's not my job to make other people feel comfortable.

And it's not your job, either.

And if anyone has a problem with that,

I will always have your back.

Thanks, Bow.

And you know what?

I let most people at school think I know Lisa Bonet.

Wow, Rainbow, that was beautiful.

Yeah. That was great.

And if we had gotten here first, I would have said

the same thing.

You know, Dad and I have had different experiences than you.

But we're still here for you to talk to,

and you should know you are a very special kid,

so don't deny yourself the experience of being you.

Okay, Mom.

- You're okay, too. - My huggies.

In 1986, my siblings and I

all took another step towards finding ourselves.

For Johan, it was a journey

that would take him around the world and back

by the time he was an adult.

And for Santi, it was a journey

that would take her all the way to "Rich Wives"...

Have a drink, you thirsty bitch!

...and back.

So well, Santamonica? So accurate.

For me, I learned how important it was

to always be true to myself.

Oh, yeah, this is what Mom taught me. I got this.

There it is.

My parents may not have walked in our shoes,

but they figured out enough of them

to raise us into confident, happy adults.

Of course Johan continued to be bullied

until Aunt Dee-Dee did in fact dress as a kid

and go to school.

Hello, fellow 10-year-olds.

I'm looking for a student named Lavar.

Don't know his last name, but I know it's not O'Malley.

But that's a story for another day.

Guess what?! Guess what?

Grandad brought "Dukes."

I tape it at home because some of you, um...

how should I say this?... talk too much.

Are you talking about me?

Because you better not be talking about me.

Because I do not talk too much.

I wish somebody would say I talk too much.

People love my commentary.

Rainbow isn't the only helpful person around here.

What you got?

Vocabulary.

Okay.

Oh, this is not so bad. I know most of these words.

- You ready? - Ready.

"Expect." Well, that's easy.

I "expected" there would be hot coffee

when I got here this morning.

Do you need a lemon?

Uh... "dissatisfied."

I am "dissatisfied"

with the fact that there is no hot coffee.

Uh... "tolerate."

I will not "tolerate" this crap any longer.

Am I being too subtle?

This is about you.

Hmm.

Okay.

Enjoy.

I will.

"Petty." Your mama is "petty."

Mm-hmm.