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#
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- Tiffani: Come, come to me,
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mi hijo.
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#
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- Ernesto: Tiffani, you are crying.
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Why, my darling?
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- Tiffani: Oh, Ernesto,
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it's just I've been
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with so many men.
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- Ernesto: Have there been many?
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- Tiffani: No.
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- Ernesto: It will not matter
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if you have been
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with millions of men.
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- Tiffani: Well,
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you're getting warm.
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With other men it's just sex.
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Random trashy sex
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that goes on for days.
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But with you,
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I will finally make love.
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#
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Oh, Ernesto,
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I totally love you.
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- Ernesto: I want to make
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many children.
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- Tiffani: Yes, children.
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Put children in me now!
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Fuck me now!
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Harder, Ernesto, come on.
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Oh, yes, fuck me
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like a day laborer.
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Yeah, baby,
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take me from behind.
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Use me, treat me
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like a fuck machine.
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Rarrr, rarrr, rarrr!
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- Ernesto: In the butt?
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- Tiffani: Yes, in the butt, now.
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- Ernesto: Tiffani, we must stop.
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- Tiffani: If you stop
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I'll rip off your dick
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and shove it in there myself.
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- Ernesto: Tiffani,
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we're in a coffin.
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- Tiffani: Shut up,
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you're ruining my fantasy.
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- Ernesto: Tiffani.
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- Tiffani: Shit, my speech.
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#
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Gracias, Ernesto.
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#
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I love funerals.
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#
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- Helen: Kyle and Mark loved life,
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and that's why
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we're here today.
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My son was so proud
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of his homosexuality
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that he would want you all
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to know exactly how he died.
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My son rocketed off
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this mortal coil
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at 80 miles an hour
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down the Ronald Regan freeway
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while giving the man he loved
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a blowjob.
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According
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to the autopsy report,
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as Mark began to bust a nut,
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Celine Dion's tour bus appeared
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going in the wrong direction.
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Upon impact,
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my boys came together.
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And they died together,
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doing what they loved.
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Amen.
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[clapping]
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Kyle's best friend,
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Tiffani Vanderslut,
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has prepared a special tribute.
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- Tiffani: I wouldn't call us
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best friends exactly.
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This number goes out to you,
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Kyle and Mark.
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Kinda sucks they're dead, huh?
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I remember the time
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Kyle pretended to be straight
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for my ex boyfriend, Troy,
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who made him eat my pussy.
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And then everything went...
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Well, maybe that's not
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an appropriate memory.
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And Mark.
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Actually I hardly knew you
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but whatever,
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thanks for coming.
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[lauhging]
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Here's a little diddy
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I learned in Girl Scouts.
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I had to look up the lyrics
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online.
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# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Cum-ba-ya, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Oh lord, cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's praying, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's squirming, #
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# my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Someone's horny, my lord, #
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# cum-by-ya. #
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# Oh yes, my lord! #
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# Cum-by-ya. #
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Oh, God, it's so hard,
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I just need to...
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pray.
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#
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- everybody: Lord,
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hear our prayer.
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- Casey: I'm gonna love
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this town.
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#
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- Helen: It isn't much,
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but I can give you
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a good deal on the rent.
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- Casey: It's perfection.
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- Helen: You haven't seen it.
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- Casey: It's near my Aunt,
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what more could I want?
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- Helen: Well, it is furnished
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and it'll be nice
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to have family around.
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- Casey: Thank you, Aunt Helen.
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- Helen: I just wish you and Kyle
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could've spent
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more time together.
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Did he know you were a mo?
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- Casey: Uh...
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I didn't know I was a mo
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until like a year ago.
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- Helen: Color me, Britney.
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I always thought you were gayer
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than a midnight screening
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of Showgirls.
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- Casey: I was
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one of those clueless gays.
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Everyone knew but me.
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- Helen: So when did you finally
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get your man-cherry popped?
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- Casey: Aunt Helen!
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You don't wanna hear about that.
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- Helen: Of course I do.
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I wouldn't be a good aunt
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if I didn't.
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[phone ringing]
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- Casey: 696? Is that local?
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- Helen: Well, I gave your number
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to that slut
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from the funeral, Tiffani.
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- Casey: Oh, I love her.
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- Helen: Kyle adored her.
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And, well, I thought
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you might need some new friends,
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even if they are loser whores.
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- Casey: Hello?
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- Tiffani: Casey, Casey.
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- Casey: Hey, Tiffani.
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- Tiffani: How did you know
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it was me?
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- Casey: I remembered
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your sultry voice
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form the funeral.
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- Tiffani: Compliments
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will get you nowhere
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unless you're straight.
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And hung like Mr. T.
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- Casey: Damn and damn.
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- Tiffani: As I thought.
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Your aunt tells me
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you need a job,
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why don't you get
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your faggoty ass
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down to 4255 Hawthorne Lane.
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- Casey: You are such a stud.
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- Tiffani: I know.
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Fuff!
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Where have you been
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sticking these things?
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- Casey: Oh!
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- Helen: Go on,
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go get your tramp on.
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- Casey: Thank you, Aunt Helen.
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#
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- Helen: I am the coolest adult
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in the world.
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#
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[sighing]
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Oh, Kyle...
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My little queen.
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#
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- Tiffani: Nail Me, we do nails.
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With release!
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No, I'm kidding, I mean,
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unless you're a really hot guy.
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Are you?
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Well, I'm sorry you don't find
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my brand of humor...
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Well, I'm sorry I offended
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your Christian sensibility,
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but if you worship a guy
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who was hung on a cross,
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nails should be the last thing
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on your mind.
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Who needs customer
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like her anyway.
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- Tiffani: Let me introduce you
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to the girls.
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Pam, Candy.
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- Tiffani: They said they can't wait
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to get to know you.
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- Casey: Cool.
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Tell them I feel the same way.
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- Tiffani: Basically, you sweep up,
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take phone calls
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and do whatever we say.
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Can you handle that?
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- Casey: Is Madonna awesome?
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- Tiffani: Okay.
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Well the job's yours anyway,
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but there's one little catch.
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You have to come with me
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to this event thingy.
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- Casey: I love event thingies.
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- Tiffani: You try too hard.
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Come on.
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- Casey: Right now?
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What about work?
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- Tiffani: Fuck them.
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- Pam: Fuck you, too.
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#
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- Casey: What are we doing here?
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I don't like places like this.
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- Tiffani: Me neither,
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but they have this fundraiser
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where they auction off dates
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with shirtless beefcakes.
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Nudity and open bar.
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- Casey: You're taking me to that?!
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- Tiffani: No, it's in two weeks.
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And you're taking me.
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Kyle was going to,
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but, you know, he's dead.
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So you're going to volunteer
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and get us free tickets.
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- Casey: But I'm so not
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a hot shirtless man.
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- Tiffani: You're hardly a man,
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no one would pay for you,
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you'll help out
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behind the scenes.
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- Casey: Why would I do that?
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- Tiffani: I gave you that job
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and I can replace you
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with an immigrant, like that!
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- Casey: Okay, okay,
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it's just that I'm not
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into the whole gay scene.
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- Helen: Welcome
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to the whole gay scene.
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Are you kids here
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to volunteer?
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- Tiffani: I'm not but Casey is.
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00:11:20,536 --> 00:11:22,103
- Helen: Fabulous.
286
00:11:22,137 --> 00:11:23,771
Darling, you're shaking
287
00:11:23,806 --> 00:11:25,773
like a little Chihuahua.
288
00:11:25,808 --> 00:11:27,609
Don't be nervous,
289
00:11:27,643 --> 00:11:29,544
I don't bite...much.
290
00:11:29,912 --> 00:11:31,379
[laughing]
291
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:32,714
- Tiffani: He's never volunteered
292
00:11:32,748 --> 00:11:33,715
before.
293
00:11:33,749 --> 00:11:34,883
- Helen: Oh, a virgin.
294
00:11:34,917 --> 00:11:36,217
- Tiffani: If you don't count
295
00:11:36,251 --> 00:11:37,218
anal.
296
00:11:37,252 --> 00:11:38,386
- Helen: Well, either way,
297
00:11:38,420 --> 00:11:39,554
fill out this paperwork
298
00:11:39,588 --> 00:11:40,889
and then I'll have Zack,
299
00:11:40,923 --> 00:11:42,323
our volunteer coordinator,
300
00:11:42,357 --> 00:11:43,992
meet with you and figure out
301
00:11:44,026 --> 00:11:45,326
which position
302
00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:47,495
you'd be most comfortable in.
303
00:11:47,530 --> 00:11:49,497
So to speak.
304
00:11:50,032 --> 00:11:50,999
- Casey: That's why
305
00:11:51,033 --> 00:11:52,333
I don't like these places.
306
00:11:52,367 --> 00:11:53,501
They're full of these
307
00:11:53,536 --> 00:11:54,502
old horn dogs
308
00:11:54,537 --> 00:11:55,670
looking to get laid.
309
00:11:55,704 --> 00:11:56,671
- Tiffani: Jesus.
310
00:11:56,705 --> 00:11:58,006
Lay off the fox news.
311
00:11:58,040 --> 00:11:59,340
- Casey: Really, I always hear
312
00:11:59,374 --> 00:12:00,508
'the gay community' this,
313
00:12:00,543 --> 00:12:01,676
the 'gay community' that.
314
00:12:01,710 --> 00:12:03,177
But all I see are a bunch
315
00:12:03,211 --> 00:12:04,178
of drunk assholes
316
00:12:04,212 --> 00:12:05,179
looking for sex,
317
00:12:05,213 --> 00:12:06,347
who don't care anything
318
00:12:06,381 --> 00:12:07,348
about relationships.
319
00:12:07,382 --> 00:12:08,349
- Tiffani: Excuse me,
320
00:12:08,383 --> 00:12:09,517
Maria full of grace,
321
00:12:09,552 --> 00:12:10,685
but that doesn't sound
322
00:12:10,719 --> 00:12:11,853
any different
323
00:12:11,887 --> 00:12:13,187
than any straight bar.
324
00:12:13,221 --> 00:12:14,856
Drunk sweaty men.
325
00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:16,357
Drooling, groping,
326
00:12:16,391 --> 00:12:18,359
pressing their manhood
327
00:12:18,393 --> 00:12:19,694
all up against
328
00:12:19,728 --> 00:12:20,862
your supple ass
329
00:12:20,896 --> 00:12:22,196
on the dance floor.
330
00:12:22,230 --> 00:12:23,698
- Casey: God, you are gayer
331
00:12:23,732 --> 00:12:24,866
than I am.
332
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:26,200
- Tiffani: Honey, I'm gayer
333
00:12:26,234 --> 00:12:27,535
than a Kevin Spacey
334
00:12:27,570 --> 00:12:28,703
Anderson Cooper chicken wrap,
335
00:12:28,737 --> 00:12:30,038
and what's wrong with that?
336
00:12:30,072 --> 00:12:31,539
- Casey: Nothing, it's just
337
00:12:31,574 --> 00:12:32,540
I'm disappointed
338
00:12:32,575 --> 00:12:33,708
at how sex-centric
339
00:12:33,742 --> 00:12:35,209
the gay community is.
340
00:12:35,243 --> 00:12:36,544
- Tiffani: It's called homosexual,
341
00:12:36,579 --> 00:12:37,879
not homo-hug-ual,
342
00:12:37,913 --> 00:12:39,047
what did you expect?
343
00:12:39,081 --> 00:12:40,214
- Casey: Romance?
344
00:12:40,248 --> 00:12:41,950
I want to travel the world
345
00:12:41,984 --> 00:12:43,284
on scooters, adopt children.
346
00:12:43,318 --> 00:12:44,285
- Tiffani: Children
347
00:12:44,319 --> 00:12:45,620
are just abortions that eat.
348
00:12:45,654 --> 00:12:46,788
- Casey: You know what?
349
00:12:46,822 --> 00:12:48,522
Forget it, I am not signing
350
00:12:48,557 --> 00:12:50,058
that stupid...
351
00:12:51,426 --> 00:12:53,394
Oh, my fuck.
352
00:12:53,596 --> 00:13:08,242
#
353
00:13:08,443 --> 00:13:09,744
- Zack: I see you got
354
00:13:09,778 --> 00:13:10,912
your paperwork.
355
00:13:10,946 --> 00:13:12,080
- Casey: Uh, yeah...
356
00:13:12,114 --> 00:13:13,414
just let me sign it.
357
00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:16,918
- Zack: Cool.
358
00:13:16,952 --> 00:13:18,086
Jonathan?
359
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,453
- Casey: Uh, Casey.
360
00:13:19,488 --> 00:13:20,955
- Zack: Oh, I'm Zack.
361
00:13:20,990 --> 00:13:22,456
This is Tandy.
362
00:13:22,491 --> 00:13:23,791
- Tiffani: I'm his best friend.
363
00:13:23,826 --> 00:13:24,959
- Casey: That's so funny,
364
00:13:24,994 --> 00:13:26,628
I'm here with my best friend,
365
00:13:26,662 --> 00:13:27,795
Tiffani.
366
00:13:27,830 --> 00:13:29,296
- Tiffani: No, I'm more like
367
00:13:29,331 --> 00:13:30,464
your boss.
368
00:13:30,499 --> 00:13:31,633
- Zack: Wow, best friends
369
00:13:31,667 --> 00:13:32,800
with T names.
370
00:13:32,835 --> 00:13:34,301
- Casey: Yeah, we should like
371
00:13:34,336 --> 00:13:35,469
form a club.
372
00:13:35,504 --> 00:13:36,638
- Tiffani: Excuse me,
373
00:13:36,672 --> 00:13:38,973
I gotta go take a shit.
374
00:13:39,008 --> 00:13:40,708
- Tiffani: I'll come with.
375
00:13:42,577 --> 00:13:43,711
- Zack: So you're comfortable
376
00:13:43,746 --> 00:13:44,879
taking off your clothes?
377
00:13:44,913 --> 00:13:45,880
- Casey: What?
378
00:13:45,914 --> 00:13:47,214
- Zack: Oh, I just assumed
379
00:13:47,249 --> 00:13:48,215
you were volunteering
380
00:13:48,250 --> 00:13:49,550
to be one of the studs
381
00:13:49,584 --> 00:13:50,718
in the male sale.
382
00:13:50,753 --> 00:13:52,219
- Casey: I'm clearly not a...
383
00:13:52,254 --> 00:13:53,721
stud.
384
00:13:53,756 --> 00:13:55,723
Are you a...a stud?
385
00:13:55,758 --> 00:13:57,224
I mean in the male sale?
386
00:13:57,259 --> 00:13:58,726
- Zack: Yes, I'm in the auction.
387
00:13:58,761 --> 00:14:00,061
But I sorta do
388
00:14:00,095 --> 00:14:01,729
everything around here.
389
00:14:01,764 --> 00:14:04,398
- Casey: So, wow, how'd you get
390
00:14:04,432 --> 00:14:05,900
into volunteering?
391
00:14:05,934 --> 00:14:07,401
- Zack: I'm running credit
392
00:14:07,435 --> 00:14:08,903
for this faggotry studies class
393
00:14:08,937 --> 00:14:10,237
and it's a good way
394
00:14:10,272 --> 00:14:11,405
to meet people.
395
00:14:11,439 --> 00:14:12,740
- Casey: Totally good way.
396
00:14:12,775 --> 00:14:13,908
- Tiffani: Well, they look
397
00:14:13,942 --> 00:14:15,076
like they're getting along.
398
00:14:15,110 --> 00:14:16,811
- Tiffani: I guess we have to pretend
399
00:14:16,845 --> 00:14:18,312
to like each other now.
400
00:14:18,346 --> 00:14:19,814
- Tiffani: Wow, you're really good
401
00:14:19,848 --> 00:14:20,982
at it.
402
00:14:21,016 --> 00:14:22,150
- Zack: What are some
403
00:14:22,184 --> 00:14:23,317
of your skills?
404
00:14:23,351 --> 00:14:24,318
- Casey: Huh?
405
00:14:24,352 --> 00:14:25,653
- Zack: Things you can do
406
00:14:25,688 --> 00:14:26,988
to help with the auction?
407
00:14:27,022 --> 00:14:28,322
Since we can't sell you.
408
00:14:28,356 --> 00:14:30,558
- Casey: Well...
409
00:14:30,592 --> 00:14:32,393
what are your skills?
410
00:14:32,427 --> 00:14:33,728
- Zack: Brochures, visual stuff,
411
00:14:33,762 --> 00:14:35,229
I'm an art major.
412
00:14:35,263 --> 00:14:36,564
I design all the posters here.
413
00:14:36,598 --> 00:14:37,899
- Casey: I can't even
414
00:14:37,933 --> 00:14:39,567
make a smiley on my cellphone.
415
00:14:39,601 --> 00:14:41,069
- Zack: Can you write?
416
00:14:41,103 --> 00:14:42,236
- Casey: Does texting count?
417
00:14:42,270 --> 00:14:43,571
- Zack: Maybe you could write
418
00:14:43,605 --> 00:14:44,572
the copy
419
00:14:44,606 --> 00:14:45,907
for one of the flyers
420
00:14:45,941 --> 00:14:47,075
I'm designing.
421
00:14:47,109 --> 00:14:48,576
We could work on it together.
422
00:14:48,610 --> 00:14:49,911
- Casey: I'd love to.
423
00:14:49,945 --> 00:14:51,412
- Zack: Can I get your number?
424
00:14:51,446 --> 00:14:52,413
- Casey: Really?
425
00:14:52,447 --> 00:14:53,915
- Zack: Yeah, you didn't write it
426
00:14:53,949 --> 00:14:55,083
on your form.
427
00:14:55,117 --> 00:14:56,417
- Casey: Oh, yeah.
428
00:14:56,451 --> 00:14:57,752
- Zack: Do you know
429
00:14:57,786 --> 00:14:58,920
the Blue Dahlia Caf�?
430
00:14:58,954 --> 00:15:00,088
- Casey: Uh, yeah.
431
00:15:00,122 --> 00:15:01,422
- Zack: Let's meet there tomorrow
432
00:15:01,456 --> 00:15:02,423
at 4:00.
433
00:15:02,457 --> 00:15:03,758
We'll put you to work.
434
00:15:03,792 --> 00:15:04,926
- Casey: Okay, well, here's
435
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,660
my number and you can have it
436
00:15:06,695 --> 00:15:07,995
too, if you want to...
437
00:15:08,030 --> 00:15:09,163
- Lionel: Zack!
438
00:15:09,364 --> 00:15:16,337
#
439
00:15:16,538 --> 00:15:18,239
Can we leave this dump already?
440
00:15:18,273 --> 00:15:19,573
I can feel the troll
441
00:15:19,608 --> 00:15:20,908
sucking our youth away.
442
00:15:20,943 --> 00:15:22,243
- Zack: Lionel.
443
00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:23,577
This is my boyfriend.
444
00:15:23,612 --> 00:15:25,246
- Casey: Oh, great.
445
00:15:25,280 --> 00:15:27,081
- Lionel: Me, you, talk in private.
446
00:15:27,116 --> 00:15:28,082
Now.
447
00:15:28,117 --> 00:15:29,250
- Zack: Excuse us.
448
00:15:29,284 --> 00:15:30,584
You didn't have to come
449
00:15:30,619 --> 00:15:31,919
if you're gonna be like this.
450
00:15:31,954 --> 00:15:33,254
- Lionel: You're the one complaining
451
00:15:33,288 --> 00:15:34,588
we never get to spend
452
00:15:34,623 --> 00:15:35,589
enough time together.
453
00:15:35,624 --> 00:15:36,758
Well, here I am.
454
00:15:36,792 --> 00:15:37,925
- Zack: With your friends.
455
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:38,926
- Lionel: Hey.
456
00:15:38,961 --> 00:15:39,927
We're letting you
457
00:15:39,962 --> 00:15:41,662
auction us off for this dump.
458
00:15:41,696 --> 00:15:42,663
Be grateful.
459
00:15:42,697 --> 00:15:43,998
Let's get out of here.
460
00:15:44,032 --> 00:15:45,166
- Zack: I'm signed up
461
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,167
for another hour.
462
00:15:46,201 --> 00:15:47,668
- Tiffani: I'll fucking cover for you.
463
00:15:47,702 --> 00:15:49,170
- Zack: You don't have to do that.
464
00:15:49,204 --> 00:15:50,671
- Tiffani: Oh, but I want to.
465
00:15:50,705 --> 00:15:52,006
Besides, fleabag here
466
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,174
gives me a rash.
467
00:15:53,208 --> 00:15:54,508
- Lionel: But I wasn't anywhere
468
00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:55,509
near your pussy.
469
00:15:55,543 --> 00:15:56,844
- Tiffani: Get him the fuck
470
00:15:56,879 --> 00:15:58,579
out of here.
471
00:15:58,613 --> 00:16:00,581
- Zack: Thanks, Tandy.
472
00:16:00,615 --> 00:16:02,383
See you soon, buddy.
473
00:16:02,417 --> 00:16:04,485
- Casey: Yeah, sounds....
474
00:16:05,854 --> 00:16:07,321
Like that'll happen.
475
00:16:07,355 --> 00:16:08,823
He's sweet, nice, and hot.
476
00:16:08,857 --> 00:16:10,158
Of course he's taken.
477
00:16:10,192 --> 00:16:11,492
- Tiffani: Nah, he's just
478
00:16:11,526 --> 00:16:12,994
ass-pussy whipped.
479
00:16:13,028 --> 00:16:14,495
They won't last long.
480
00:16:14,529 --> 00:16:15,830
"Buddy."
481
00:16:16,031 --> 00:16:20,334
#
482
00:16:20,536 --> 00:16:21,669
- Lionel: Don't take it
483
00:16:21,703 --> 00:16:22,670
so personally.
484
00:16:22,704 --> 00:16:24,004
- Zack: Why are we together,
485
00:16:24,039 --> 00:16:25,172
we don't like doing
486
00:16:25,206 --> 00:16:26,173
the same things.
487
00:16:26,207 --> 00:16:27,508
- Lionel: We like doing the same.
488
00:16:27,543 --> 00:16:28,676
- Zack: Swallowing doesn't count.
489
00:16:28,710 --> 00:16:29,677
- Lionel: Swallowing counts.
490
00:16:29,711 --> 00:16:30,678
It's extra credit.
491
00:16:30,712 --> 00:16:32,012
- Zack: It's been six months
492
00:16:32,047 --> 00:16:33,013
and I still feel
493
00:16:33,048 --> 00:16:34,014
you're pulling away.
494
00:16:34,049 --> 00:16:35,015
- Lionel: Because you're always
495
00:16:35,050 --> 00:16:36,016
clinging on to me.
496
00:16:36,051 --> 00:16:37,184
- Zack: You won't even
497
00:16:37,218 --> 00:16:38,519
call us boyfriends in public.
498
00:16:38,554 --> 00:16:40,020
- Lionel: You know you want me
499
00:16:40,055 --> 00:16:41,689
inside you.
500
00:16:41,723 --> 00:16:43,023
- Zack: No. I'm mad,
501
00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:44,692
I'm not happy
502
00:16:44,726 --> 00:16:46,360
with how things are going.
503
00:16:46,394 --> 00:16:48,362
- Lionel: You're good at one thing.
504
00:16:50,231 --> 00:16:51,699
- Zack: Lionel.
505
00:16:51,733 --> 00:16:53,701
- Lionel: You're great at it.
506
00:16:53,735 --> 00:16:55,369
- Zack: Please, don't.
507
00:16:55,571 --> 00:17:02,042
#
508
00:17:02,243 --> 00:17:03,544
I can't believe
509
00:17:03,579 --> 00:17:05,045
I'm doing this.
510
00:17:05,080 --> 00:17:06,514
Please stop.
511
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:13,688
[panting]
512
00:17:13,889 --> 00:17:15,690
I don't want to do this.
513
00:17:15,891 --> 00:17:21,863
[panting]
514
00:17:22,063 --> 00:17:23,531
I don't wanna....
515
00:17:24,733 --> 00:17:26,200
- Lionel: Oh...
516
00:17:26,234 --> 00:17:27,702
Oh, yeah.
517
00:17:27,736 --> 00:17:29,203
No one does it better
518
00:17:29,237 --> 00:17:30,538
than you.
519
00:17:30,739 --> 00:17:35,042
#
520
00:17:35,243 --> 00:17:36,711
You can cling on to that
521
00:17:36,745 --> 00:17:37,712
anytime you like,
522
00:17:37,746 --> 00:17:38,713
snuggle bear.
523
00:17:38,747 --> 00:17:40,047
- Zack: We're through, get out.
524
00:17:40,081 --> 00:17:41,382
- Lionel: Can I at least
525
00:17:41,416 --> 00:17:42,984
come first?
526
00:17:43,018 --> 00:17:44,485
- Zack: Get out!
527
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:45,653
- Lionel: Come on.
528
00:17:45,687 --> 00:17:46,654
Are you ready
529
00:17:46,688 --> 00:17:47,989
to say goodbye to this?
530
00:17:48,023 --> 00:17:49,490
- Zack: I'll slam the door on it
531
00:17:49,525 --> 00:17:50,992
if you don't get the fuck out.
532
00:17:51,026 --> 00:17:52,493
- Lionel: Good luck trying to find
533
00:17:52,528 --> 00:17:53,995
someone as hot as me.
534
00:17:55,030 --> 00:17:56,330
[door slamming]
535
00:17:56,532 --> 00:17:57,832
I'm gonna come right here
536
00:17:57,866 --> 00:17:59,166
on your front door.
537
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:02,503
Yeah, you know you wish
538
00:18:02,538 --> 00:18:04,338
you were sucking this.
539
00:18:04,372 --> 00:18:06,007
- Zack: What am I doing?
540
00:18:06,041 --> 00:18:09,010
- Lionel: Oh yeah.
541
00:18:09,044 --> 00:18:11,679
Oh, fuck yeah.
542
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:19,520
[panting]
543
00:18:19,721 --> 00:18:20,688
You know what?
544
00:18:20,722 --> 00:18:21,689
Enjoy being alone,
545
00:18:21,723 --> 00:18:22,857
whack job.
546
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:29,363
- Casey: Found him!
547
00:18:29,397 --> 00:18:30,698
- Tiffani: Wow, stalker much?
548
00:18:30,732 --> 00:18:32,033
- Casey: What should I say?
549
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:33,367
- Tiffani: I'm a lonely psychopath
550
00:18:33,401 --> 00:18:34,535
that look you up
551
00:18:34,570 --> 00:18:36,037
within an hour of meeting you.
552
00:18:36,071 --> 00:18:37,371
- Casey: Yes, I should wait
553
00:18:37,405 --> 00:18:38,372
until morning.
554
00:18:38,406 --> 00:18:39,540
- Tiffani: Then he'll think
555
00:18:39,575 --> 00:18:40,708
you obsessed about him
556
00:18:40,742 --> 00:18:41,709
all night.
557
00:18:41,743 --> 00:18:42,877
Don't you know anything
558
00:18:42,911 --> 00:18:43,878
about the internet?
559
00:18:43,912 --> 00:18:45,212
You should make a fake profile.
560
00:18:45,246 --> 00:18:46,213
- Casey: What?
561
00:18:46,247 --> 00:18:47,381
- Tiffani: Pretend to be
562
00:18:47,415 --> 00:18:48,549
a total random stranger
563
00:18:48,584 --> 00:18:49,884
so you can find out
564
00:18:49,918 --> 00:18:51,052
all his personal details.
565
00:18:51,086 --> 00:18:52,219
People are honest
566
00:18:52,253 --> 00:18:53,220
with strangers.
567
00:18:53,254 --> 00:18:54,388
My fake name
568
00:18:54,422 --> 00:18:55,556
is Tittsy Montgomery.
569
00:18:55,591 --> 00:18:56,891
- Casey: I could find out
570
00:18:56,925 --> 00:18:57,892
if he wants
571
00:18:57,926 --> 00:18:58,893
a serious relationship.
572
00:18:58,927 --> 00:19:00,394
- Tiffani: I was thinking more
573
00:19:00,428 --> 00:19:03,064
like cock size but whatever.
574
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:04,699
You need the perfect
575
00:19:04,733 --> 00:19:07,034
fake picture
576
00:19:07,069 --> 00:19:09,704
and I know the perfect person.
577
00:19:11,306 --> 00:19:12,773
- Casey: Holy rim job,
578
00:19:12,808 --> 00:19:14,108
who is that?
579
00:19:14,142 --> 00:19:15,610
- Tiffani: My incredibly hot ex BF,
580
00:19:15,644 --> 00:19:16,611
Ryan.
581
00:19:16,645 --> 00:19:17,612
He's a stripper.
582
00:19:17,646 --> 00:19:18,946
He was supposed to be
583
00:19:18,981 --> 00:19:20,114
my rebound after Troy
584
00:19:20,148 --> 00:19:21,115
broke my heart
585
00:19:21,149 --> 00:19:22,449
but he has a good tongue,
586
00:19:22,484 --> 00:19:23,784
so I let him stay.
587
00:19:23,819 --> 00:19:25,119
- Casey: Why did you break up
588
00:19:25,153 --> 00:19:26,453
with that?
589
00:19:30,325 --> 00:19:31,626
- man: What if your boyfriend
590
00:19:31,660 --> 00:19:32,627
finds out?
591
00:19:32,661 --> 00:19:33,628
- Tiffani: We have
592
00:19:33,662 --> 00:19:34,629
an open relationship.
593
00:19:34,663 --> 00:19:35,963
- Ryan: Uhh, we do?
594
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,800
- Tiffani: Ryan, this is not
595
00:19:39,835 --> 00:19:41,301
what it looks like.
596
00:19:41,503 --> 00:19:44,138
#
597
00:19:44,339 --> 00:19:46,473
- Ryan: Neither is this.
598
00:19:48,176 --> 00:19:49,644
- Tiffani: We had commitment issues.
599
00:19:49,678 --> 00:19:51,145
Anyway, he moved to Tucson
600
00:19:51,179 --> 00:19:52,312
so it's totally safe
601
00:19:52,347 --> 00:19:53,480
to use his pictures.
602
00:19:53,515 --> 00:19:54,982
- Casey: Why would I want Zack
603
00:19:55,017 --> 00:19:56,150
to talk to someone
604
00:19:56,184 --> 00:19:57,484
way hotter than I am.
605
00:19:57,519 --> 00:19:58,819
- Tiffani: When's the last time
606
00:19:58,854 --> 00:19:59,820
you opened up
607
00:19:59,855 --> 00:20:00,988
to an ugly stranger?
608
00:20:01,023 --> 00:20:02,156
Besides, you find out
609
00:20:02,190 --> 00:20:03,490
what you need to know,
610
00:20:03,525 --> 00:20:04,659
then Ryan will disappear.
611
00:20:04,693 --> 00:20:05,826
A fake profile
612
00:20:05,861 --> 00:20:07,662
is the perfect wingman.
613
00:20:07,696 --> 00:20:09,496
- Casey: Okay.
614
00:20:09,531 --> 00:20:10,998
Okay, let's do this.
615
00:20:11,033 --> 00:20:12,332
What's my name?
616
00:20:12,367 --> 00:20:14,334
- Ryan: Ryan.
617
00:20:14,369 --> 00:20:17,004
- Casey: Ryan.
618
00:20:17,039 --> 00:20:18,505
Do you agree to the following
619
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:19,674
terms and conditions.
620
00:20:19,708 --> 00:20:20,675
Number one,
621
00:20:20,709 --> 00:20:21,676
GaySpaceBook.com...
622
00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:23,010
- Tiffani: Agree, you nerd!
623
00:20:23,045 --> 00:20:24,178
- Casey: You should really
624
00:20:24,212 --> 00:20:25,345
read these things,
625
00:20:25,380 --> 00:20:26,513
you never know.
626
00:20:26,548 --> 00:20:28,015
- Tiffani: What are you, a pilgrim?
627
00:20:28,050 --> 00:20:29,349
I bet you avoid
628
00:20:29,384 --> 00:20:31,652
handicap spaces. And vote.
629
00:20:31,687 --> 00:20:33,387
- Casey: Favorite movie?
630
00:20:33,421 --> 00:20:36,057
Roman Holiday, of course.
631
00:20:36,091 --> 00:20:38,726
Straight acting or not?
632
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,227
- Tiffani: Put, "I'm gay,
633
00:20:40,261 --> 00:20:41,729
"why should I act anything
634
00:20:41,763 --> 00:20:43,463
but what I am."
635
00:20:43,498 --> 00:20:44,965
- Casey: Oh, you are scary good,
636
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,300
girl.
637
00:20:47,002 --> 00:20:50,304
- Zack: Come on, breakup sex.
638
00:20:50,338 --> 00:20:52,306
You are a hottie, let's hope
639
00:20:52,340 --> 00:20:53,974
you're next door
640
00:20:54,009 --> 00:20:55,676
cause I don't feel like driving.
641
00:20:55,877 --> 00:21:03,984
#
642
00:21:04,186 --> 00:21:10,157
blip-blip-blip-blip
643
00:21:10,525 --> 00:21:11,491
- Casey: Looking for?
644
00:21:11,526 --> 00:21:12,827
First I want to develop
645
00:21:12,861 --> 00:21:13,994
something special with you,
646
00:21:14,029 --> 00:21:15,329
then we fuck each other's
647
00:21:15,363 --> 00:21:16,330
brains out.
648
00:21:16,364 --> 00:21:17,331
Perfect combination
649
00:21:17,365 --> 00:21:18,665
of romantic and nasty, right?
650
00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:19,666
- Tiffani: Whatever,
651
00:21:19,701 --> 00:21:20,835
no one reads those,
652
00:21:20,869 --> 00:21:22,002
just write them.
653
00:21:22,337 --> 00:21:26,173
- Zack: Oh yeah, oh...
654
00:21:26,374 --> 00:21:35,349
#
655
00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:38,852
- Zack: Yummy.
656
00:21:38,886 --> 00:21:40,354
- Casey: Oh, my God, it's him.
657
00:21:40,388 --> 00:21:41,688
What do I do?
658
00:21:41,722 --> 00:21:43,190
What do I write?
659
00:21:43,224 --> 00:21:44,691
- Tiffani: Write what you know.
660
00:21:44,725 --> 00:21:46,660
Well, in your case, don't.
661
00:21:46,694 --> 00:21:48,395
- Casey: You're not helping.
662
00:21:48,596 --> 00:21:55,569
#
663
00:21:55,770 --> 00:21:57,237
- Zack: Gotta play it cool.
664
00:21:57,439 --> 00:21:59,406
#
665
00:21:59,607 --> 00:22:00,740
- Tiffani: Hey.
666
00:22:00,775 --> 00:22:01,908
That's so romantic.
667
00:22:02,110 --> 00:22:06,746
#
668
00:22:06,948 --> 00:22:08,248
- Casey: Kindly help
669
00:22:08,283 --> 00:22:09,583
a broken hearted stranger
670
00:22:09,617 --> 00:22:11,085
with hours of meaningless sex!
671
00:22:11,119 --> 00:22:12,819
- Tiffani: Oh God, yes.
672
00:22:13,021 --> 00:22:21,996
#
673
00:22:22,197 --> 00:22:24,164
- Zack: So, get to know me.
674
00:22:24,199 --> 00:22:25,665
- Tiffani: Oh shit!
675
00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:26,833
Can he see us?
676
00:22:26,868 --> 00:22:28,002
- Casey: No.
677
00:22:28,036 --> 00:22:29,736
My camera's not on.
678
00:22:29,937 --> 00:22:31,738
#
679
00:22:31,973 --> 00:22:33,240
- Tiffani: Oh.
680
00:22:33,441 --> 00:22:39,546
#
681
00:22:39,780 --> 00:22:41,615
- Zack: Likely story.
682
00:22:41,649 --> 00:22:43,350
So, ask away.
683
00:22:46,187 --> 00:22:48,522
Thanks for starting off easy.
684
00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:54,361
I didn't want to put up
685
00:22:54,396 --> 00:22:55,362
with his shit anymore.
686
00:22:56,898 --> 00:22:58,532
You know how you tell yourself
687
00:22:58,566 --> 00:22:59,866
that it's gonna get better?
688
00:22:59,901 --> 00:23:01,035
You know it's not,
689
00:23:01,069 --> 00:23:02,202
but you hang on
690
00:23:02,237 --> 00:23:03,537
to any little good thing
691
00:23:03,571 --> 00:23:04,538
he does
692
00:23:04,572 --> 00:23:05,872
to prove that it might
693
00:23:05,907 --> 00:23:07,041
get better.
694
00:23:09,744 --> 00:23:11,045
Well, I guess
695
00:23:11,079 --> 00:23:12,212
there weren't any.
696
00:23:12,247 --> 00:23:13,547
Then it was just
697
00:23:13,581 --> 00:23:14,881
the really hot sex.
698
00:23:19,587 --> 00:23:21,055
Yeah.
699
00:23:21,256 --> 00:23:25,459
#
700
00:23:25,660 --> 00:23:26,793
How do you know
701
00:23:26,827 --> 00:23:28,295
what the little good things are?
702
00:23:28,496 --> 00:23:35,969
#
703
00:23:36,171 --> 00:23:37,871
Okay, try me.
704
00:23:39,907 --> 00:23:42,209
- Casey: You're an artist.
705
00:23:42,243 --> 00:23:44,211
I'd take you to a museum.
706
00:23:44,245 --> 00:23:45,712
You look like
707
00:23:45,746 --> 00:23:47,714
a basketball fan.
708
00:23:47,748 --> 00:23:49,716
Lakers tickets.
709
00:23:49,750 --> 00:23:53,720
Massage, good bottle of wine.
710
00:23:53,754 --> 00:23:55,222
And little things
711
00:23:55,256 --> 00:23:57,224
like bringing you
712
00:23:57,258 --> 00:23:58,892
something to drink
713
00:23:58,926 --> 00:24:00,561
without you having to ask.
714
00:24:00,761 --> 00:24:04,731
#
715
00:24:04,932 --> 00:24:06,400
- Tiffani: Well done, Ms. Cleo.
716
00:24:06,434 --> 00:24:07,734
- Zack: What can I do
717
00:24:07,768 --> 00:24:09,470
to get you to come over here
718
00:24:09,504 --> 00:24:10,637
right now.
719
00:24:10,671 --> 00:24:12,139
- Tiffani: Oh, strip.
720
00:24:15,009 --> 00:24:16,143
- Zack: Date?
721
00:24:16,177 --> 00:24:17,311
You already know me
722
00:24:17,345 --> 00:24:18,312
inside and out,
723
00:24:18,346 --> 00:24:19,646
I think I'm in love.
724
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:20,814
Wait, I know.
725
00:24:23,851 --> 00:24:26,153
If you don't come over...
726
00:24:26,187 --> 00:24:28,155
- Casey: He is not!
727
00:24:28,189 --> 00:24:29,656
- Zack: Here's
728
00:24:29,690 --> 00:24:31,625
what you'll be missing.
729
00:24:33,161 --> 00:24:34,628
- Tiffani: Get out of my way!
730
00:24:34,662 --> 00:24:36,396
Holy clit!
731
00:24:36,431 --> 00:24:38,132
- Casey: Oh, my God.
732
00:24:38,166 --> 00:24:39,633
- Zack: Oh shit.
733
00:24:39,667 --> 00:24:41,135
- Casey: I cannot believe...
734
00:24:41,169 --> 00:24:42,636
- Tiffani: You spilled
735
00:24:42,670 --> 00:24:44,971
your Sunny Delight.
736
00:24:45,006 --> 00:24:46,473
How could you?
737
00:24:46,508 --> 00:24:48,475
- Casey: You owe me a computer!
738
00:24:48,510 --> 00:24:50,377
And a boyfriend.
739
00:24:52,413 --> 00:24:53,647
- Tiffani: He's a fake.
740
00:24:53,681 --> 00:24:54,899
No one can be that hot
741
00:24:54,933 --> 00:24:55,900
and that nice,
742
00:24:55,934 --> 00:24:57,067
it's against the nature.
743
00:24:57,101 --> 00:24:58,402
- Zack: But he has tons
744
00:24:58,436 --> 00:24:59,403
of profile pictures,
745
00:24:59,437 --> 00:25:00,571
he must be real.
746
00:25:00,605 --> 00:25:01,739
- Tiffani: You still believe
747
00:25:01,773 --> 00:25:02,907
The Hills is real.
748
00:25:02,941 --> 00:25:04,241
- Zack: If he was a fake,
749
00:25:04,275 --> 00:25:05,576
he would've watched me jack off.
750
00:25:05,610 --> 00:25:06,911
- Tiffani: I just threw up
751
00:25:06,945 --> 00:25:08,579
a little bit in my pussy.
752
00:25:15,286 --> 00:25:16,587
- Tiffani: Maybe it's not
753
00:25:16,621 --> 00:25:18,923
a good idea for us to hang out?
754
00:25:18,957 --> 00:25:20,257
I don't believe you.
755
00:25:20,291 --> 00:25:21,592
- Casey: Zack's single now,
756
00:25:21,626 --> 00:25:22,927
so the reason we invented Ryan
757
00:25:22,961 --> 00:25:23,928
doesn't matter anymore.
758
00:25:23,962 --> 00:25:25,262
I mean, why keep up
759
00:25:25,296 --> 00:25:26,263
the charade?
760
00:25:26,297 --> 00:25:27,765
- Tiffani: Why email him at all?
761
00:25:27,799 --> 00:25:28,766
Just disappear.
762
00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:29,767
You're still
763
00:25:29,801 --> 00:25:30,935
pretending to be Ryan,
764
00:25:30,969 --> 00:25:32,269
even if it is just
765
00:25:32,303 --> 00:25:33,270
to dump him.
766
00:25:33,304 --> 00:25:34,605
- Casey: I'm just being polite.
767
00:25:34,639 --> 00:25:35,940
- Tiffani: You're just keeping him
768
00:25:35,974 --> 00:25:37,441
and his pretty dick hanging on,
769
00:25:37,475 --> 00:25:38,776
so you still have access
770
00:25:38,810 --> 00:25:39,944
to him
771
00:25:39,978 --> 00:25:41,278
in case he doesn't go
772
00:25:41,312 --> 00:25:42,446
for exhibit A.
773
00:25:42,480 --> 00:25:43,614
- Casey: You're right.
774
00:25:43,648 --> 00:25:45,115
If he normally gets prime rib
775
00:25:45,149 --> 00:25:46,283
like Ryan,
776
00:25:46,317 --> 00:25:47,952
why would he settle for...
777
00:25:49,821 --> 00:25:51,455
- Tiffani: Turkey burger?
778
00:25:51,656 --> 00:25:56,627
#
779
00:25:57,328 --> 00:25:58,629
- Zack: I blew it, Mr. Fake
780
00:25:58,663 --> 00:25:59,797
doesn't wanna meet me.
781
00:25:59,831 --> 00:26:01,131
- Tiffani: Because he's not real.
782
00:26:01,165 --> 00:26:02,466
- Zack: I came on too strong.
783
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:03,801
- Tiffani: Gay men hate guys
784
00:26:03,835 --> 00:26:04,802
who do that.
785
00:26:04,836 --> 00:26:05,970
- Zack: He was trying
786
00:26:06,004 --> 00:26:07,304
to get to know me
787
00:26:07,338 --> 00:26:08,639
but I went from zero
788
00:26:08,673 --> 00:26:09,640
to sixty-nine.
789
00:26:09,674 --> 00:26:10,975
- Tiffani: There are millions of men
790
00:26:11,009 --> 00:26:12,142
who can fuck first
791
00:26:12,176 --> 00:26:13,477
and then fall in love.
792
00:26:13,511 --> 00:26:14,979
- Zack: But I don't want other men,
793
00:26:15,013 --> 00:26:15,980
I want him.
794
00:26:16,014 --> 00:26:17,314
- Tiffani: My mom warned me
795
00:26:17,348 --> 00:26:19,316
I was turning into a fag hag.
796
00:26:19,350 --> 00:26:20,818
- Zack: You're not a fag hag.
797
00:26:20,852 --> 00:26:22,486
- Tiffani: I'm gonna be a fat spinster
798
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:23,654
whose only sexual outlet
799
00:26:23,688 --> 00:26:24,989
is sucking off drunken homos.
800
00:26:25,023 --> 00:26:26,490
- Zack: You'd suck me off
801
00:26:26,524 --> 00:26:28,325
if I were drunk, right?
802
00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:29,994
- Tiffani: My fag hag days
803
00:26:30,028 --> 00:26:31,328
are over.
804
00:26:31,529 --> 00:26:35,499
#
805
00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:36,667
- Tiffani: Now separate
806
00:26:36,701 --> 00:26:37,668
the finger nails
807
00:26:37,702 --> 00:26:38,836
from the toe nails.
808
00:26:38,870 --> 00:26:39,837
- Casey: Ew, what?
809
00:26:39,871 --> 00:26:40,838
- Tiffani: Busy work.
810
00:26:40,872 --> 00:26:41,839
You still have
811
00:26:41,873 --> 00:26:42,840
fifteen minutes left.
812
00:26:42,874 --> 00:26:44,174
- Casey: I must get ready
813
00:26:44,208 --> 00:26:45,175
for my date.
814
00:26:45,209 --> 00:26:46,510
- Tiffani: It's not a date,
815
00:26:46,544 --> 00:26:47,511
queef-cake.
816
00:26:47,545 --> 00:26:48,679
- Casey: It's a date,
817
00:26:48,713 --> 00:26:50,014
he just doesn't know it yet.
818
00:26:50,048 --> 00:26:51,515
- Tiffani: My, my, look who went
819
00:26:51,549 --> 00:26:52,850
and downloaded some balls.
820
00:26:52,884 --> 00:26:54,184
- Casey: He might've seen
821
00:26:54,218 --> 00:26:55,853
Ryan's picture online
822
00:26:55,887 --> 00:26:57,187
last night,
823
00:26:57,221 --> 00:26:58,689
but he was talking to me.
824
00:26:58,723 --> 00:27:00,190
We have a connection.
825
00:27:00,224 --> 00:27:01,692
At least we will
826
00:27:01,726 --> 00:27:03,527
by the end of the night.
827
00:27:03,728 --> 00:27:09,366
#
828
00:27:09,567 --> 00:27:10,868
- Tiffani: Fuck, I've got
829
00:27:10,902 --> 00:27:12,036
to see this.
830
00:27:17,575 --> 00:27:26,532
#
831
00:27:27,902 --> 00:27:29,035
- Zack: Sorry I'm late.
832
00:27:29,070 --> 00:27:30,203
- Casey: Oh, no problem,
833
00:27:30,238 --> 00:27:31,872
I had nothing else to do.
834
00:27:31,906 --> 00:27:33,039
Wait, that sounds bad.
835
00:27:33,074 --> 00:27:34,374
- Zack: No it doesn't,
836
00:27:34,408 --> 00:27:35,876
you just moved here.
837
00:27:35,910 --> 00:27:38,879
- Casey: I...I drafted up
838
00:27:38,913 --> 00:27:40,380
some ideas
839
00:27:40,414 --> 00:27:42,115
for the male sale flyers.
840
00:27:44,152 --> 00:27:46,119
I Google-imaged you.
841
00:27:46,154 --> 00:27:47,620
- Zack: Whoa, these are great.
842
00:27:47,655 --> 00:27:48,789
Thanks for giving me
843
00:27:48,823 --> 00:27:49,790
extra abs.
844
00:27:49,824 --> 00:27:50,957
- Casey: Those are yours
845
00:27:50,992 --> 00:27:52,125
and you know it.
846
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:53,459
- Zack: Thanks for the ego boost,
847
00:27:53,494 --> 00:27:54,795
I could really use one
848
00:27:54,829 --> 00:27:55,962
right about now.
849
00:27:55,997 --> 00:27:57,297
- Casey: I'm sorry
850
00:27:57,331 --> 00:27:58,631
about your breakup.
851
00:27:58,666 --> 00:27:59,966
- Zack: How did you know?
852
00:28:00,001 --> 00:28:01,134
- Casey: Oh! I...
853
00:28:01,169 --> 00:28:02,135
- Zack: Lionel?
854
00:28:02,170 --> 00:28:03,469
He's a big fucking mouth.
855
00:28:03,504 --> 00:28:04,871
- Casey: That's one of the reasons
856
00:28:04,906 --> 00:28:06,372
I don't like the gay community.
857
00:28:06,407 --> 00:28:07,874
- Zack: I think the gay community
858
00:28:07,909 --> 00:28:09,042
is more diverse
859
00:28:09,076 --> 00:28:10,376
than you give it credit for.
860
00:28:10,411 --> 00:28:11,711
- Casey: Well, I think he's crazy
861
00:28:11,745 --> 00:28:13,046
for breaking up with you.
862
00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:14,547
- Zack: I broke up with him.
863
00:28:14,581 --> 00:28:15,715
- Casey: Sorry.
864
00:28:15,749 --> 00:28:17,050
- Zack: No big deal.
865
00:28:17,084 --> 00:28:18,551
He's not what's bothering me.
866
00:28:18,585 --> 00:28:19,886
I met this guy online
867
00:28:19,921 --> 00:28:21,721
last night, Ryan, oh, my God.
868
00:28:21,755 --> 00:28:23,056
You have never seen
869
00:28:23,090 --> 00:28:24,390
anything like him,
870
00:28:24,425 --> 00:28:26,059
and he was so totally into me
871
00:28:26,093 --> 00:28:27,393
until I blew it.
872
00:28:27,428 --> 00:28:28,895
- Casey: You think you blew it?
873
00:28:28,930 --> 00:28:30,230
- Zack: Yeah, I got too sexual.
874
00:28:30,264 --> 00:28:31,231
A fatal flaw.
875
00:28:31,265 --> 00:28:32,565
- Casey: Well, if he was just
876
00:28:32,599 --> 00:28:33,900
a hot body, those are...
877
00:28:33,935 --> 00:28:35,235
- Zack: It was more than that.
878
00:28:35,269 --> 00:28:36,903
This guy connected with me.
879
00:28:36,938 --> 00:28:38,404
He was smart and funny
880
00:28:38,439 --> 00:28:39,906
and he knew me.
881
00:28:39,941 --> 00:28:41,241
- Casey: He sounds too good
882
00:28:41,275 --> 00:28:42,575
to be true.
883
00:28:42,609 --> 00:28:43,743
- Zack: Yeah, he probably
884
00:28:43,777 --> 00:28:45,078
is fake.
885
00:28:45,112 --> 00:28:46,246
I can't believe
886
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:47,580
I'm telling you all this.
887
00:28:47,614 --> 00:28:49,082
I normally don't talk to guys
888
00:28:49,116 --> 00:28:50,250
about my social life.
889
00:28:50,284 --> 00:28:51,251
- Casey: You seem
890
00:28:51,285 --> 00:28:52,252
pretty comfortable.
891
00:28:52,286 --> 00:28:53,586
- Zack: You make me feel
892
00:28:53,620 --> 00:28:55,088
comfortable, Casey.
893
00:28:55,122 --> 00:28:56,589
- Casey: Hey, maybe sometime
894
00:28:56,623 --> 00:28:58,091
you and I could...
895
00:28:59,126 --> 00:29:00,760
- Zack: Oh my God, that's him.
896
00:29:00,962 --> 00:29:03,596
#
897
00:29:03,797 --> 00:29:04,931
How do I look?
898
00:29:04,966 --> 00:29:05,932
- Casey: Huh?
899
00:29:05,967 --> 00:29:07,100
- Zack: How do I look?
900
00:29:07,134 --> 00:29:08,101
- Casey: Uh...gorgeous.
901
00:29:08,135 --> 00:29:09,102
Are you sure...
902
00:29:09,136 --> 00:29:10,270
- Zack: Wish me luck.
903
00:29:10,471 --> 00:29:12,438
#
904
00:29:12,639 --> 00:29:14,107
- Casey: Good fucking luck.
905
00:29:15,709 --> 00:29:17,677
- Zack: Hey, Ryan1989.
906
00:29:17,711 --> 00:29:19,679
- Ryan: Hey...you.
907
00:29:19,713 --> 00:29:21,181
- Zack: I was beginning to think
908
00:29:21,215 --> 00:29:22,349
you were imaginary like
909
00:29:22,383 --> 00:29:24,084
a smurf or something.
910
00:29:24,118 --> 00:29:26,586
- Ryan: Nope, I'm all real.
911
00:29:26,620 --> 00:29:28,588
- Zack: You can say that again.
912
00:29:28,622 --> 00:29:29,756
- Ryan: Mind if I don't?
913
00:29:29,957 --> 00:29:48,942
#
914
00:29:49,143 --> 00:29:50,277
- Zack: We're both here,
915
00:29:50,311 --> 00:29:51,611
you wanna give this a shot
916
00:29:51,645 --> 00:29:52,946
and go out some night?
917
00:29:52,980 --> 00:29:54,114
- Ryan: Uuh...
918
00:29:54,315 --> 00:29:55,782
#
919
00:29:55,983 --> 00:29:58,285
- Tiffani: Ryan, look who's back.
920
00:29:58,319 --> 00:30:00,287
Don't they have stripper poles
921
00:30:00,321 --> 00:30:01,621
in Tucson?
922
00:30:01,655 --> 00:30:03,123
- Ryan: Tiffany, did you get
923
00:30:03,157 --> 00:30:04,624
a boob job?
924
00:30:04,658 --> 00:30:06,126
- Tiffani: No, I'm still saving up.
925
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:07,627
- Casey: What's going on?
926
00:30:07,661 --> 00:30:09,129
- Zack: Casey, this is Ryan
927
00:30:09,163 --> 00:30:10,463
from the Internet.
928
00:30:10,497 --> 00:30:11,798
You look so much better
929
00:30:11,832 --> 00:30:13,533
than your pictures, doesn't he?
930
00:30:13,567 --> 00:30:16,536
- Tiffani: Now, how would Casey
931
00:30:16,570 --> 00:30:18,538
have seen Ryan's cute
932
00:30:18,572 --> 00:30:20,873
little disco boy picture.
933
00:30:20,908 --> 00:30:22,875
- Ryan: Yeah, you mean
934
00:30:22,910 --> 00:30:24,377
my picture with the headband
935
00:30:24,412 --> 00:30:25,878
and yellow gym shorts.
936
00:30:25,913 --> 00:30:27,380
- Zack: Yellow mesh gym shorts.
937
00:30:27,415 --> 00:30:28,714
Rarrr.
938
00:30:28,749 --> 00:30:30,216
And then there's that one
939
00:30:30,251 --> 00:30:31,717
where you're on the beach
940
00:30:31,752 --> 00:30:33,053
with some blond chick
941
00:30:33,087 --> 00:30:34,220
and your bulge.
942
00:30:34,255 --> 00:30:36,889
- Tiffani: Yeah, Ryan loves
943
00:30:36,924 --> 00:30:38,224
nailing blonds.
944
00:30:38,259 --> 00:30:39,725
- Ryan: Yeah, but I love
945
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,394
nailing brunettes, too.
946
00:30:41,429 --> 00:30:42,728
- Tiffani: Brunette women,
947
00:30:42,763 --> 00:30:43,896
Ryan's straight,
948
00:30:43,931 --> 00:30:45,065
we used to fuck.
949
00:30:45,099 --> 00:30:46,232
I took that picture.
950
00:30:46,267 --> 00:30:47,400
- Zack: He wasn't straight
951
00:30:47,435 --> 00:30:48,568
last night.
952
00:30:48,602 --> 00:30:49,735
- Ryan: Yeah, after
953
00:30:49,770 --> 00:30:50,903
fucking Tiffani
954
00:30:50,938 --> 00:30:52,405
I just gave up on women.
955
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:54,407
It happens to you a lot, huh?
956
00:30:54,442 --> 00:30:55,741
- Tiffani: Oh, you little cum monkey.
957
00:30:55,776 --> 00:30:57,243
- Ryan: So, let's give this
958
00:30:57,278 --> 00:30:58,744
a shot.
959
00:30:58,779 --> 00:31:01,081
When do you want to hang out?
960
00:31:03,784 --> 00:31:05,085
- Casey: Ugh, this sucks.
961
00:31:05,119 --> 00:31:06,419
I just set up
962
00:31:06,454 --> 00:31:07,753
the hottest couple
963
00:31:07,788 --> 00:31:09,089
in the universe.
964
00:31:09,123 --> 00:31:10,423
When their hot muscled bodies
965
00:31:10,458 --> 00:31:11,591
come together,
966
00:31:11,625 --> 00:31:12,925
they'll probably form
967
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:14,260
like Voltron or something.
968
00:31:14,295 --> 00:31:15,261
- Tiffani: He's lying.
969
00:31:15,296 --> 00:31:16,262
If Ryan's gay,
970
00:31:16,297 --> 00:31:17,597
I'll eat my own twat.
971
00:31:17,631 --> 00:31:19,099
- Casey: What kind of straight guy
972
00:31:19,133 --> 00:31:20,266
goes on a date
973
00:31:20,301 --> 00:31:21,267
with another man?
974
00:31:21,302 --> 00:31:22,602
- Tiffani: He was a stripper
975
00:31:22,636 --> 00:31:23,769
at a gay bar.
976
00:31:23,804 --> 00:31:25,105
He would clean a toilet
977
00:31:25,139 --> 00:31:26,606
with his dick for a dollar.
978
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:27,607
He's just trying
979
00:31:27,641 --> 00:31:28,941
to get back at me.
980
00:31:28,976 --> 00:31:29,942
- Casey: Oh...
981
00:31:29,977 --> 00:31:31,277
Zack wanna talk to me
982
00:31:31,312 --> 00:31:32,612
about what they should do
983
00:31:32,646 --> 00:31:33,946
on their Barbie dream date
984
00:31:33,981 --> 00:31:35,281
because I make him feel
985
00:31:35,316 --> 00:31:36,916
comfortable.
986
00:31:36,950 --> 00:31:38,584
- Tiffani: No smiley.
987
00:31:38,619 --> 00:31:40,086
This is serious.
988
00:31:40,121 --> 00:31:42,088
My God, you're like
989
00:31:42,123 --> 00:31:45,758
his fag hag now.
990
00:31:45,792 --> 00:31:47,960
- Casey: I hate my life.
991
00:31:48,162 --> 00:32:03,993
#
992
00:32:04,195 --> 00:32:05,329
- Zack: Casey, great,
993
00:32:05,363 --> 00:32:07,297
you can do my back.
994
00:32:07,332 --> 00:32:09,466
Oh my God, are you ok?
995
00:32:09,500 --> 00:32:11,301
- Casey: Yeah, it's just
996
00:32:11,336 --> 00:32:13,303
a little ouchy, that's all.
997
00:32:13,338 --> 00:32:14,638
- Zack: Ouchy?
998
00:32:14,672 --> 00:32:16,306
- Casey: Never mind, it's fine.
999
00:32:16,341 --> 00:32:18,642
- Zack: Good. Squirt me.
1000
00:32:18,676 --> 00:32:20,977
- Casey: Okay.
1001
00:32:22,347 --> 00:32:23,647
- Zack: God, I'm as nervous
1002
00:32:23,681 --> 00:32:24,648
as Isaiah Washington's
1003
00:32:24,682 --> 00:32:25,649
hairdresser.
1004
00:32:25,683 --> 00:32:26,817
- Casey: About the date?
1005
00:32:26,851 --> 00:32:28,151
- Zack: Yes, about the date.
1006
00:32:28,185 --> 00:32:29,653
He was so hot and cold
1007
00:32:29,687 --> 00:32:30,654
at the caf�.
1008
00:32:30,688 --> 00:32:31,822
Isn't he cute?
1009
00:32:31,856 --> 00:32:33,156
- Casey: I'm not really
1010
00:32:33,190 --> 00:32:35,158
into guys that...hot.
1011
00:32:35,192 --> 00:32:36,493
- Zack: Really?
1012
00:32:36,527 --> 00:32:37,828
Okay, your turn.
1013
00:32:37,862 --> 00:32:39,162
- Casey: Oh, I'm not
1014
00:32:39,196 --> 00:32:40,897
a taking off my shirt in public
1015
00:32:40,931 --> 00:32:41,898
kind of guy.
1016
00:32:41,932 --> 00:32:43,400
- Zack: Don't tell me you have
1017
00:32:43,434 --> 00:32:44,401
body issues.
1018
00:32:44,435 --> 00:32:45,902
Take it off or I will.
1019
00:32:45,936 --> 00:32:47,070
- Casey: Okay, okay.
1020
00:32:47,104 --> 00:32:48,572
You know, when we, mere mortals,
1021
00:32:48,606 --> 00:32:49,906
are around gods like you,
1022
00:32:49,940 --> 00:32:51,074
how can we not...
1023
00:32:51,108 --> 00:32:52,242
- Zack: Please, you've got
1024
00:32:52,276 --> 00:32:53,410
a great body.
1025
00:32:53,444 --> 00:32:54,745
And, besides, some guys
1026
00:32:54,779 --> 00:32:56,413
like 'em not all exercised.
1027
00:32:56,447 --> 00:32:57,748
Here.
1028
00:32:57,782 --> 00:32:59,082
So what should I do
1029
00:32:59,116 --> 00:33:00,083
on my date?
1030
00:33:00,117 --> 00:33:01,418
- Casey: You mean besides sex?
1031
00:33:01,452 --> 00:33:03,253
- Zack: I don't want it to be
1032
00:33:03,287 --> 00:33:04,254
about sex.
1033
00:33:04,288 --> 00:33:05,422
When we chatted online
1034
00:33:05,456 --> 00:33:06,757
he had all these ideas
1035
00:33:06,791 --> 00:33:08,091
for great things to do
1036
00:33:08,125 --> 00:33:09,426
and I wanna come up
1037
00:33:09,460 --> 00:33:10,761
with some great idea, too.
1038
00:33:10,795 --> 00:33:12,262
- Casey: Ok, well what's your dream
1039
00:33:12,296 --> 00:33:13,263
first date?
1040
00:33:13,297 --> 00:33:14,765
- Zack: Wow, I guess I never
1041
00:33:14,799 --> 00:33:15,932
really thought about it.
1042
00:33:15,966 --> 00:33:17,100
- Casey: You've never fantasized
1043
00:33:17,134 --> 00:33:18,435
about the perfect first date?
1044
00:33:18,469 --> 00:33:19,770
- Zack: I was too busy
1045
00:33:19,804 --> 00:33:20,937
going on real dates.
1046
00:33:20,971 --> 00:33:22,105
- Casey: Asshole.
1047
00:33:22,139 --> 00:33:23,273
- Zack: Well, clearly
1048
00:33:23,307 --> 00:33:24,775
someone's thought about it.
1049
00:33:24,809 --> 00:33:26,109
Tell me yours, Romeo.
1050
00:33:26,143 --> 00:33:27,110
- Casey: Okay.
1051
00:33:27,144 --> 00:33:28,445
We're in Italy, well, Rome.
1052
00:33:28,479 --> 00:33:29,613
- Zack: Oh, my God,
1053
00:33:29,647 --> 00:33:30,614
are you serious?
1054
00:33:30,648 --> 00:33:31,782
I'm obsessed with Italy.
1055
00:33:31,816 --> 00:33:32,783
- Casey: You are?
1056
00:33:32,817 --> 00:33:34,117
- Zack: Yeah, I've been wanting
1057
00:33:34,151 --> 00:33:35,285
to go to Italy
1058
00:33:35,319 --> 00:33:36,620
since I was like three.
1059
00:33:36,654 --> 00:33:37,788
I'm going after graduation
1060
00:33:37,822 --> 00:33:39,289
if I can save enough cash.
1061
00:33:39,323 --> 00:33:40,624
I've got like $3,200 saved
1062
00:33:40,658 --> 00:33:41,792
so far.
1063
00:33:41,826 --> 00:33:43,293
- Casey: I can't wait to go.
1064
00:33:43,327 --> 00:33:44,294
Someday.
1065
00:33:44,328 --> 00:33:45,629
- Zack: Well, I can't exactly
1066
00:33:45,663 --> 00:33:46,963
take Ryan to Italy tonight.
1067
00:33:46,997 --> 00:33:48,632
So, do you got any dream dates
1068
00:33:48,666 --> 00:33:49,966
that are a little more
1069
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,301
practical?
1070
00:33:51,335 --> 00:33:53,303
- Casey: Okay, well my dream date,
1071
00:33:53,337 --> 00:33:54,971
it's intimate.
1072
00:33:55,005 --> 00:33:56,973
Like I make him dinner
1073
00:33:57,007 --> 00:33:58,308
so it's personal.
1074
00:33:58,342 --> 00:33:59,643
- Zack: Yeah, something
1075
00:33:59,677 --> 00:34:00,811
at your place,
1076
00:34:00,845 --> 00:34:02,145
just the two of you,
1077
00:34:02,179 --> 00:34:03,313
no distractions.
1078
00:34:03,347 --> 00:34:04,815
- Casey: Yeah, and maybe I'd have
1079
00:34:04,849 --> 00:34:06,316
a fun theme for the meal.
1080
00:34:06,350 --> 00:34:07,484
- Zack: Italian.
1081
00:34:07,518 --> 00:34:08,652
- Casey: Perfetto.
1082
00:34:08,686 --> 00:34:10,153
- Zack: Pasta, pinot grigio,
1083
00:34:10,187 --> 00:34:11,655
some funky Italian music.
1084
00:34:11,689 --> 00:34:13,156
- Casey: That's all I'd need
1085
00:34:13,190 --> 00:34:15,158
because the best first dates
1086
00:34:15,192 --> 00:34:16,660
are the ones
1087
00:34:16,694 --> 00:34:18,161
where the conversation's
1088
00:34:18,195 --> 00:34:19,830
just really easy.
1089
00:34:19,864 --> 00:34:21,331
- Zack: And it flows cause
1090
00:34:21,365 --> 00:34:22,499
you're both listening
1091
00:34:22,533 --> 00:34:23,667
to each other
1092
00:34:23,701 --> 00:34:24,835
like you're focused.
1093
00:34:24,869 --> 00:34:26,169
- Casey: And there are
1094
00:34:26,203 --> 00:34:27,337
those moments
1095
00:34:27,371 --> 00:34:28,672
when you're looking
1096
00:34:28,706 --> 00:34:31,007
into each other's eyes,
1097
00:34:31,041 --> 00:34:32,843
wondering if maybe he's thinking
1098
00:34:32,877 --> 00:34:34,177
the same thing.
1099
00:34:34,211 --> 00:34:35,679
- Zack: That sometime tonight
1100
00:34:35,713 --> 00:34:37,013
we're gonna...
1101
00:34:37,047 --> 00:34:38,849
- Casey: Kiss.
1102
00:34:39,049 --> 00:34:55,031
#
1103
00:34:55,232 --> 00:34:56,533
- Zack: Exactly.
1104
00:34:56,567 --> 00:34:57,701
Kiss.
1105
00:34:57,735 --> 00:34:59,035
Oh my God!
1106
00:34:59,069 --> 00:35:00,203
- Casey: What?
1107
00:35:00,237 --> 00:35:01,538
- Zack: You totally inspired me,
1108
00:35:01,572 --> 00:35:02,873
I have the perfect date.
1109
00:35:02,907 --> 00:35:03,874
Scoot.
1110
00:35:03,908 --> 00:35:05,208
He's not gonna know
1111
00:35:05,242 --> 00:35:06,376
what hit him.
1112
00:35:06,410 --> 00:35:07,711
I can't thank you enough.
1113
00:35:07,912 --> 00:35:10,046
#
1114
00:35:10,247 --> 00:35:11,715
- Casey: Well, text me
1115
00:35:11,749 --> 00:35:13,216
if you need help!
1116
00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:14,718
Text me if you need help.
1117
00:35:14,919 --> 00:35:30,066
#
1118
00:35:30,267 --> 00:35:32,736
[phone ringing]
1119
00:35:34,104 --> 00:35:35,238
- Ryan: If you're trying
1120
00:35:35,272 --> 00:35:36,740
to stop me, it won't work.
1121
00:35:36,774 --> 00:35:37,908
- Tiffani: If you think
1122
00:35:37,942 --> 00:35:39,409
going on a fake gay date
1123
00:35:39,443 --> 00:35:40,577
will make me jealous,
1124
00:35:40,611 --> 00:35:41,578
you're dumber
1125
00:35:41,612 --> 00:35:42,913
than a flock of Palins.
1126
00:35:42,947 --> 00:35:44,247
- Ryan: I don't want that,
1127
00:35:44,281 --> 00:35:45,749
I just wanna piss you off.
1128
00:35:45,783 --> 00:35:46,917
- Tiffani: You cheated too!
1129
00:35:46,951 --> 00:35:48,251
- Ryan: It's not about that,
1130
00:35:48,285 --> 00:35:49,586
it's about you putting pubes
1131
00:35:49,620 --> 00:35:50,754
in my protein powder
1132
00:35:50,788 --> 00:35:51,755
the next day.
1133
00:35:51,789 --> 00:35:53,089
- Tiffani: They weren't even mine.
1134
00:35:53,123 --> 00:35:54,257
- Ryan: And poking holes
1135
00:35:54,291 --> 00:35:55,425
in my contact lenses,
1136
00:35:55,459 --> 00:35:57,427
Putting crabs in my drawer.
1137
00:35:57,461 --> 00:35:58,929
And using my toothbrush
1138
00:35:58,963 --> 00:36:00,096
to clean the...
1139
00:36:00,130 --> 00:36:02,231
- Tiffani: Ok, I'm a jealous woman.
1140
00:36:02,266 --> 00:36:04,233
But at least I feel something.
1141
00:36:04,268 --> 00:36:06,235
You're an emotionless stripper
1142
00:36:06,270 --> 00:36:07,571
who uses his body
1143
00:36:07,605 --> 00:36:08,738
as a bargaining chip.
1144
00:36:08,773 --> 00:36:09,906
And that's not gonna
1145
00:36:09,941 --> 00:36:11,074
get you anything
1146
00:36:11,108 --> 00:36:12,341
but a dirty dollar bill
1147
00:36:12,376 --> 00:36:13,843
shoved up your ass.
1148
00:36:13,878 --> 00:36:15,845
- Ryan: You're fat.
1149
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:17,180
Have a good night.
1150
00:36:17,214 --> 00:36:19,182
I know I will.
1151
00:36:19,550 --> 00:36:25,855
#
1152
00:36:26,223 --> 00:36:28,191
[doorbell ringing]
1153
00:36:28,559 --> 00:36:33,697
#
1154
00:36:34,065 --> 00:36:35,699
- Zack: Ryan, right on time.
1155
00:36:35,733 --> 00:36:37,533
- Ryan: Hey, look,
1156
00:36:37,568 --> 00:36:38,802
I gotta talk to you
1157
00:36:38,836 --> 00:36:39,970
about this Internet thing.
1158
00:36:40,004 --> 00:36:41,237
- Zack: I know, me too,
1159
00:36:41,271 --> 00:36:43,907
come on in.
1160
00:36:43,941 --> 00:36:45,174
I saw on your profile
1161
00:36:45,209 --> 00:36:46,342
that Roman Holiday
1162
00:36:46,376 --> 00:36:47,510
is your favorite movie.
1163
00:36:47,544 --> 00:36:48,678
It's also mine.
1164
00:36:48,713 --> 00:36:49,846
So I've got
1165
00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:51,347
a special little tour for you,
1166
00:36:51,381 --> 00:36:52,515
come on.
1167
00:36:52,549 --> 00:36:53,683
As you know,
1168
00:36:53,718 --> 00:36:54,851
when Audrey Hepburn
1169
00:36:54,885 --> 00:36:56,119
sneaks out of the consulate,
1170
00:36:56,153 --> 00:36:57,286
Gregory Peck shows her
1171
00:36:57,321 --> 00:36:58,454
the sights of Rome.
1172
00:36:58,489 --> 00:36:59,623
So here we have
1173
00:36:59,657 --> 00:37:00,790
the Sistine Chapel,
1174
00:37:00,825 --> 00:37:02,792
painted by Michelangelo.
1175
00:37:02,827 --> 00:37:05,629
Italian wine.
1176
00:37:09,166 --> 00:37:11,801
Next we have an exact replica
1177
00:37:11,836 --> 00:37:14,470
of the Trevi Fountain.
1178
00:37:14,839 --> 00:37:17,641
[water running]
1179
00:37:18,009 --> 00:37:20,309
- Ryan: That's pretty cool.
1180
00:37:20,344 --> 00:37:21,811
- Zack: And our last stop
1181
00:37:21,846 --> 00:37:23,980
is the mouth of truth,
1182
00:37:24,015 --> 00:37:25,148
you know,
1183
00:37:25,182 --> 00:37:26,315
the most famous scene
1184
00:37:26,350 --> 00:37:27,483
in the movie.
1185
00:37:27,518 --> 00:37:28,652
- Ryan: Yeah.
1186
00:37:28,686 --> 00:37:29,919
- Zack: So put your hand
1187
00:37:29,954 --> 00:37:31,087
in its mouth
1188
00:37:31,122 --> 00:37:32,588
and if you're lying to me
1189
00:37:32,623 --> 00:37:34,323
it'll get bitten off.
1190
00:37:34,358 --> 00:37:35,825
And don't tell my landlord
1191
00:37:35,860 --> 00:37:38,828
about the hole.
1192
00:37:42,533 --> 00:37:43,667
- Zack: Rarrr!
1193
00:37:43,701 --> 00:37:44,934
- Ryan: You scared the shit
1194
00:37:44,969 --> 00:37:46,102
out of me!
1195
00:37:46,137 --> 00:37:47,370
- Zack: Your hand's still here.
1196
00:37:47,404 --> 00:37:50,707
I knew you wouldn't lie to me.
1197
00:37:50,741 --> 00:37:52,542
- Ryan: You're an amazing guy
1198
00:37:52,576 --> 00:37:54,878
and I don't deserve you.
1199
00:37:54,912 --> 00:37:56,880
I gotta go.
1200
00:38:00,584 --> 00:38:03,219
- Casey: Text me, text me,
1201
00:38:03,253 --> 00:38:05,055
text me, text me.
1202
00:38:05,422 --> 00:38:07,223
[phone beeping]
1203
00:38:09,259 --> 00:38:12,228
I love you, Zack!
1204
00:38:12,596 --> 00:38:15,899
#
1205
00:38:16,266 --> 00:38:18,001
- Zack: It's nice to have a friend
1206
00:38:18,035 --> 00:38:19,169
who will listen
1207
00:38:19,203 --> 00:38:20,336
to my romantic problems.
1208
00:38:20,370 --> 00:38:22,105
- Casey: I told you to text me
1209
00:38:22,139 --> 00:38:23,873
if you needed help and you did.
1210
00:38:23,908 --> 00:38:25,141
And I'm here to help.
1211
00:38:25,176 --> 00:38:26,409
- Zack: Can you help me
1212
00:38:26,443 --> 00:38:28,411
find a boyfriend?
1213
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:31,414
- Casey: Oh my God,
1214
00:38:31,448 --> 00:38:34,584
is that the mouth of truth?
1215
00:38:34,618 --> 00:38:36,086
- Zack: Yeah, his profile said
1216
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:37,253
his favorite movie
1217
00:38:37,287 --> 00:38:38,588
was Roman Holiday, so.
1218
00:38:38,622 --> 00:38:40,090
- Casey: You did that for him?
1219
00:38:40,124 --> 00:38:41,591
- Zack: It's stupid.
1220
00:38:41,625 --> 00:38:42,759
- Casey: It's the most
1221
00:38:42,793 --> 00:38:44,094
romantic thing
1222
00:38:44,128 --> 00:38:48,264
I've ever seen.
1223
00:38:48,298 --> 00:38:51,434
See, I'm telling the truth.
1224
00:38:51,468 --> 00:38:52,702
- Zack: Yeah, I actually had
1225
00:38:52,737 --> 00:38:54,704
this whole Roman Holiday tour.
1226
00:38:54,739 --> 00:38:56,873
There's the Colossum,
1227
00:38:56,907 --> 00:38:59,209
I ate half of it.
1228
00:38:59,243 --> 00:39:01,211
- Casey: Zack, there's something
1229
00:39:01,245 --> 00:39:03,880
I should tell you.
1230
00:39:03,914 --> 00:39:05,381
I haven't been honest with you.
1231
00:39:05,415 --> 00:39:06,716
I...
1232
00:39:07,084 --> 00:39:08,384
[doorbell ringing]
1233
00:39:08,753 --> 00:39:10,453
- Zack: Great, who's that?
1234
00:39:11,655 --> 00:39:12,789
Oh my God, Ryan?
1235
00:39:12,823 --> 00:39:14,057
- Ryan: Hey man, there's something
1236
00:39:14,091 --> 00:39:16,059
I gotta tell you.
1237
00:39:16,093 --> 00:39:18,728
Oh, did you tell him?
1238
00:39:18,763 --> 00:39:20,063
- Zack: Tell me what?
1239
00:39:20,097 --> 00:39:21,564
- Casey: I was just about to.
1240
00:39:21,598 --> 00:39:22,832
- Ryan: Of course you were.
1241
00:39:22,867 --> 00:39:24,000
That wasn't me
1242
00:39:24,034 --> 00:39:25,268
you were talking to online.
1243
00:39:25,302 --> 00:39:26,435
Him and Tiffani
1244
00:39:26,470 --> 00:39:27,603
made a fake profile
1245
00:39:27,638 --> 00:39:28,604
and used my picture.
1246
00:39:28,639 --> 00:39:29,773
- Zack: What?
1247
00:39:29,807 --> 00:39:30,940
- Ryan: I don't even
1248
00:39:30,975 --> 00:39:32,108
have a profile.
1249
00:39:32,143 --> 00:39:33,276
I'm not even gay.
1250
00:39:33,310 --> 00:39:34,277
- Casey: Zack,
1251
00:39:34,311 --> 00:39:35,779
it's not what it sounds like.
1252
00:39:35,813 --> 00:39:37,546
- Zack: Did you pretend to be him?
1253
00:39:37,581 --> 00:39:39,048
- Casey: Yes, but it was only
1254
00:39:39,083 --> 00:39:40,049
because I didn't want
1255
00:39:40,084 --> 00:39:41,317
to look like a stalker,
1256
00:39:41,351 --> 00:39:43,086
which I know I totally like now.
1257
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:44,087
- Zack: My first
1258
00:39:44,121 --> 00:39:45,088
genuine conversation in years
1259
00:39:45,122 --> 00:39:46,355
was with a total fake.
1260
00:39:46,390 --> 00:39:47,356
And why?
1261
00:39:47,391 --> 00:39:48,624
So you can fuck me?
1262
00:39:48,659 --> 00:39:49,893
- Casey: No, I mean yes,
1263
00:39:49,927 --> 00:39:51,161
I mean more than that.
1264
00:39:51,195 --> 00:39:52,662
The things I said were true.
1265
00:39:52,696 --> 00:39:54,164
- Ryan: Dude, if you liked him,
1266
00:39:54,198 --> 00:39:55,665
why didn't you just tell him.
1267
00:39:55,699 --> 00:39:57,433
- Zack: And you let me take you
1268
00:39:57,467 --> 00:39:58,701
on that whole fucking tour
1269
00:39:58,735 --> 00:39:59,969
like some kind of idiot.
1270
00:40:00,004 --> 00:40:01,137
Get the fuck out!
1271
00:40:01,172 --> 00:40:02,305
Both of you.
1272
00:40:02,339 --> 00:40:04,040
- Casey: Zack, I'm sorry.
1273
00:40:04,074 --> 00:40:05,208
Is that...
1274
00:40:05,242 --> 00:40:07,376
- Zack: Get out!
1275
00:40:11,749 --> 00:40:13,215
- Casey: I was in the middle
1276
00:40:13,250 --> 00:40:14,484
of telling him, you know.
1277
00:40:14,518 --> 00:40:15,652
- Ryan: Sorry man,
1278
00:40:15,686 --> 00:40:16,919
it was a crappy thing
1279
00:40:16,953 --> 00:40:17,920
you guys did.
1280
00:40:17,954 --> 00:40:18,921
- Casey: I just wanted
1281
00:40:18,955 --> 00:40:19,922
to get his attention.
1282
00:40:19,956 --> 00:40:21,190
- Ryan: You coulda got it
1283
00:40:21,224 --> 00:40:22,191
without getting
1284
00:40:22,225 --> 00:40:23,192
all stalker-azzi on him.
1285
00:40:23,226 --> 00:40:24,460
- Casey: With guys like you
1286
00:40:24,495 --> 00:40:25,461
walking around?
1287
00:40:25,496 --> 00:40:26,962
- Ryan: Even if I was gay,
1288
00:40:26,997 --> 00:40:28,230
it wouldn't have worked out.
1289
00:40:28,265 --> 00:40:29,231
He was less
1290
00:40:29,266 --> 00:40:30,500
into what I looked like
1291
00:40:30,534 --> 00:40:32,001
and more into what you said.
1292
00:40:32,035 --> 00:40:33,002
Anyway, sorry.
1293
00:40:33,036 --> 00:40:35,338
- Casey: No, it's my own damn fault.
1294
00:40:38,709 --> 00:40:39,842
- Tiffani: This is Tandy,
1295
00:40:39,876 --> 00:40:41,010
impress me.
1296
00:40:41,044 --> 00:40:42,178
And if you're
1297
00:40:42,212 --> 00:40:43,446
one of my gay friends
1298
00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:44,947
and just had a bad date,
1299
00:40:44,981 --> 00:40:46,215
I'm not calling you back
1300
00:40:46,249 --> 00:40:47,383
for three days.
1301
00:40:47,418 --> 00:40:49,952
Because I'm not a fag hag!
1302
00:40:50,321 --> 00:40:58,795
#
1303
00:40:59,162 --> 00:41:00,797
- Helen: Casey, right?
1304
00:41:00,831 --> 00:41:02,131
- Casey: Yeah.
1305
00:41:02,165 --> 00:41:03,466
- Helen: I'm Harry.
1306
00:41:03,500 --> 00:41:04,801
That's my name,
1307
00:41:04,835 --> 00:41:07,804
not that I am hairy.
1308
00:41:08,839 --> 00:41:10,139
Honey, what's wrong?
1309
00:41:10,173 --> 00:41:11,307
You look like Liberace
1310
00:41:11,342 --> 00:41:13,309
after they put the seat back
1311
00:41:13,344 --> 00:41:15,311
on his piano stool.
1312
00:41:16,347 --> 00:41:17,480
Wrong generation.
1313
00:41:17,514 --> 00:41:19,482
Never mind.
1314
00:41:19,516 --> 00:41:20,983
You look like you could use
1315
00:41:21,017 --> 00:41:22,151
some company tonight.
1316
00:41:22,185 --> 00:41:23,486
- Casey: Oh, I'm not interested.
1317
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,656
- Helen: On, no, darling.
1318
00:41:26,690 --> 00:41:27,990
You're adorable
1319
00:41:28,024 --> 00:41:29,826
but you're far too young for me.
1320
00:41:29,860 --> 00:41:31,093
Us in bed would be
1321
00:41:31,127 --> 00:41:32,261
like teaching calculus
1322
00:41:32,295 --> 00:41:34,096
to a preschooler.
1323
00:41:34,130 --> 00:41:35,097
No.
1324
00:41:35,131 --> 00:41:36,265
Sex with men
1325
00:41:36,299 --> 00:41:37,433
who have the maturity
1326
00:41:37,468 --> 00:41:39,268
of an experienced lover,
1327
00:41:39,302 --> 00:41:40,936
there's nothing quite like it.
1328
00:41:40,971 --> 00:41:42,104
- Casey: T.M.I.
1329
00:41:42,138 --> 00:41:43,272
- Helen: Pardon?
1330
00:41:43,306 --> 00:41:44,440
- Casey: Nothing.
1331
00:41:44,475 --> 00:41:45,608
- Helen: Let me guess.
1332
00:41:45,642 --> 00:41:47,109
Some strapping thing
1333
00:41:47,143 --> 00:41:48,944
has broken your heart.
1334
00:41:48,979 --> 00:41:50,212
- Casey: Is it that obvious?
1335
00:41:50,247 --> 00:41:51,714
- Helen: Either that or Miley Cyrus
1336
00:41:51,749 --> 00:41:52,882
died.
1337
00:41:52,916 --> 00:41:56,051
See, I'm not that dated.
1338
00:41:56,086 --> 00:41:58,721
- Casey: Yeah, it's a guy.
1339
00:41:58,756 --> 00:42:01,056
No, no, it's me.
1340
00:42:01,091 --> 00:42:03,058
I was a complete jerk.
1341
00:42:03,093 --> 00:42:04,226
And I knew it
1342
00:42:04,261 --> 00:42:05,395
while it was happening
1343
00:42:05,429 --> 00:42:06,662
but I did it anyway.
1344
00:42:06,697 --> 00:42:07,830
And now I'll never
1345
00:42:07,865 --> 00:42:08,998
get to show Zack
1346
00:42:09,032 --> 00:42:10,767
what a great boyfriend I can be.
1347
00:42:10,801 --> 00:42:12,034
Now I'll never even have
1348
00:42:12,068 --> 00:42:13,536
a boyfriend.
1349
00:42:13,570 --> 00:42:15,037
And I'll wind up alone
1350
00:42:15,071 --> 00:42:18,040
until I'm all old and...
1351
00:42:18,074 --> 00:42:19,542
Sorry.
1352
00:42:19,576 --> 00:42:21,043
- Helen: Oh dear heart,
1353
00:42:21,077 --> 00:42:22,378
there's worse things
1354
00:42:22,413 --> 00:42:24,514
than not having a boyfriend.
1355
00:42:24,548 --> 00:42:26,682
Like trudging bare foot uphill
1356
00:42:26,717 --> 00:42:28,183
through five miles of snow
1357
00:42:28,218 --> 00:42:29,519
just to find the nearest
1358
00:42:29,553 --> 00:42:32,354
homosexual saloon.
1359
00:42:32,389 --> 00:42:34,857
It was a joke.
1360
00:42:34,892 --> 00:42:36,358
I'm not that old.
1361
00:42:36,393 --> 00:42:37,527
- Casey: You're not?
1362
00:42:37,561 --> 00:42:38,694
- Helen: Well now,
1363
00:42:38,729 --> 00:42:40,195
that was just not pretty.
1364
00:42:40,230 --> 00:42:41,531
All I'm saying is,
1365
00:42:41,565 --> 00:42:43,365
as dark as it may seem,
1366
00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:44,700
I think your generation
1367
00:42:44,735 --> 00:42:45,868
has it pretty easy
1368
00:42:45,903 --> 00:42:47,136
when it comes to finding
1369
00:42:47,170 --> 00:42:50,973
all the other fish
1370
00:42:51,007 --> 00:42:52,975
in the sea.
1371
00:42:54,177 --> 00:42:55,478
I bet you're thinking
1372
00:42:55,512 --> 00:42:56,646
right now
1373
00:42:56,680 --> 00:42:57,814
that the obvious solution
1374
00:42:57,848 --> 00:43:00,149
is something that I used to do
1375
00:43:00,183 --> 00:43:01,317
when I was trying
1376
00:43:01,351 --> 00:43:03,152
to get over someone.
1377
00:43:03,186 --> 00:43:04,654
- Casey: What's that?
1378
00:43:04,688 --> 00:43:06,155
- Helen: Well I used to think
1379
00:43:06,189 --> 00:43:07,924
that a good roll in the hay
1380
00:43:07,958 --> 00:43:09,191
would be all I needed
1381
00:43:09,225 --> 00:43:11,360
but I was wrong.
1382
00:43:11,394 --> 00:43:13,362
Sleeping with someone
1383
00:43:13,396 --> 00:43:15,498
to get over someone else
1384
00:43:15,532 --> 00:43:18,167
never works.
1385
00:43:18,201 --> 00:43:19,335
- Lionel: Casey, right?
1386
00:43:19,369 --> 00:43:20,503
- Casey: Yeah.
1387
00:43:20,537 --> 00:43:22,338
- Helen: Trust me on this,
1388
00:43:22,372 --> 00:43:24,340
it never works.
1389
00:43:24,374 --> 00:43:25,842
- Lionel: You want to go somewhere
1390
00:43:25,876 --> 00:43:27,510
and talk?
1391
00:43:28,545 --> 00:43:30,847
- Helen: Never.
1392
00:43:30,881 --> 00:43:33,850
- Casey: Sure.
1393
00:43:37,387 --> 00:43:40,189
- Helen: Never learn.
1394
00:43:43,727 --> 00:43:45,528
- Casey: That drink was strong,
1395
00:43:45,562 --> 00:43:47,530
like drinking blood straight
1396
00:43:47,564 --> 00:43:49,031
from Amy Winehouse's wrist.
1397
00:43:49,065 --> 00:43:51,033
- Lionel: God, I'm glad I met you.
1398
00:43:51,067 --> 00:43:52,702
Last guy I dated, Zack,
1399
00:43:52,736 --> 00:43:54,436
such a fucking loser.
1400
00:43:54,471 --> 00:43:56,572
He was a good kisser.
1401
00:43:56,607 --> 00:43:58,741
- Casey: Kissing's overrated.
1402
00:43:58,775 --> 00:44:00,476
How good was he?
1403
00:44:00,511 --> 00:44:01,644
- Lionel: Incredible.
1404
00:44:01,678 --> 00:44:04,213
Always started off the same way.
1405
00:44:04,247 --> 00:44:06,048
Two pecks.
1406
00:44:07,918 --> 00:44:10,553
Then a deeper kiss.
1407
00:44:12,756 --> 00:44:13,890
Followed by a bite
1408
00:44:13,924 --> 00:44:17,059
to the lower lip.
1409
00:44:19,429 --> 00:44:21,397
And repeat.
1410
00:44:21,765 --> 00:44:27,737
#
1411
00:44:28,104 --> 00:44:31,073
- Lionel: Get back in.
1412
00:44:31,441 --> 00:44:40,249
#
1413
00:44:40,617 --> 00:44:41,751
We should fuck.
1414
00:44:41,785 --> 00:44:42,919
Is that your bed?
1415
00:44:42,953 --> 00:44:44,420
- Casey: I don't usually do that
1416
00:44:44,454 --> 00:44:45,588
on the first...
1417
00:44:45,622 --> 00:44:46,856
- Lionel: Yeah, neither do I.
1418
00:44:46,890 --> 00:44:48,858
Right behind you.
1419
00:44:49,225 --> 00:45:04,206
#
1420
00:45:04,575 --> 00:45:12,531
#
1421
00:45:14,734 --> 00:45:29,715
#
1422
00:45:30,083 --> 00:45:45,063
#
1423
00:45:45,432 --> 00:46:00,412
#
1424
00:46:00,780 --> 00:46:04,883
#
1425
00:46:05,252 --> 00:46:06,385
- Tiffani: Hi,
1426
00:46:06,419 --> 00:46:07,886
how can I hurt you today?
1427
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:09,054
- Ryan: We gotta talk.
1428
00:46:09,088 --> 00:46:10,222
- Tiffani: We have nothing
1429
00:46:10,257 --> 00:46:11,390
to talk about.
1430
00:46:11,424 --> 00:46:12,558
- Ryan: Five minutes,
1431
00:46:12,592 --> 00:46:14,893
that's all I ask.
1432
00:46:19,266 --> 00:46:20,499
- Tiffani: You need to have
1433
00:46:20,533 --> 00:46:23,168
an appointment.
1434
00:46:23,202 --> 00:46:24,436
- Ryan: We gotta do something
1435
00:46:24,471 --> 00:46:25,771
about Zack and Casey.
1436
00:46:25,805 --> 00:46:27,038
- Tiffani: What do you mean,
1437
00:46:27,073 --> 00:46:28,807
I thought you were gay for Zack.
1438
00:46:28,841 --> 00:46:29,975
- Ryan: Come on,
1439
00:46:30,009 --> 00:46:32,110
you know I'm not gay.
1440
00:46:34,648 --> 00:46:36,114
- Ryan: You know I was just
1441
00:46:36,149 --> 00:46:37,383
trying to piss you off.
1442
00:46:37,417 --> 00:46:38,651
- Tiffani: Well, it didn't work,
1443
00:46:38,685 --> 00:46:40,653
clit monger.
1444
00:46:43,523 --> 00:46:45,257
Why would you want to help them.
1445
00:46:45,292 --> 00:46:46,525
- Ryan: They seem like they
1446
00:46:46,559 --> 00:46:47,693
actually belong together.
1447
00:46:47,727 --> 00:46:49,194
And I messed that up.
1448
00:46:49,228 --> 00:46:50,362
- Tiffani: My God,
1449
00:46:50,397 --> 00:46:51,530
you have feelings?
1450
00:46:51,564 --> 00:46:52,698
I thought your fortes
1451
00:46:52,732 --> 00:46:53,865
fortes was cheating
1452
00:46:53,900 --> 00:46:55,033
and home wrecking.
1453
00:46:55,067 --> 00:46:56,201
- Ryan: You cheated too.
1454
00:46:56,235 --> 00:46:57,703
- Tiffani: He wasn't inside me yet.
1455
00:46:57,737 --> 00:46:58,970
- Ryan: We both fucked up.
1456
00:46:59,005 --> 00:47:00,238
But this is our chance
1457
00:47:00,273 --> 00:47:02,240
to do something right.
1458
00:47:04,110 --> 00:47:06,077
- Tiffani: Aww.
1459
00:47:06,112 --> 00:47:08,246
Tyra moment.
1460
00:47:11,785 --> 00:47:13,251
How do we get them together?
1461
00:47:13,286 --> 00:47:14,520
Zack clearly prefers to be
1462
00:47:14,554 --> 00:47:15,688
with gorgeous people
1463
00:47:15,722 --> 00:47:16,855
like me and you.
1464
00:47:16,889 --> 00:47:18,357
- Ryan: It takes a lot more
1465
00:47:18,391 --> 00:47:19,525
than a gym
1466
00:47:19,559 --> 00:47:20,693
and some cucumbers
1467
00:47:20,727 --> 00:47:21,860
to make someone gorgeous.
1468
00:47:21,894 --> 00:47:23,128
- Tiffani: The point is Casey
1469
00:47:23,162 --> 00:47:24,396
isn't even on Zack's menu.
1470
00:47:24,431 --> 00:47:25,564
- Ryan: Exactly!
1471
00:47:25,598 --> 00:47:26,732
We're ordering
1472
00:47:26,766 --> 00:47:27,899
from the wrong menu.
1473
00:47:27,934 --> 00:47:29,067
We gotta go
1474
00:47:29,101 --> 00:47:30,235
to another restaurant
1475
00:47:30,269 --> 00:47:31,403
where Zack is
1476
00:47:31,438 --> 00:47:32,671
and order the hot dog.
1477
00:47:32,706 --> 00:47:33,839
Because we really
1478
00:47:33,873 --> 00:47:36,342
just want the bun.
1479
00:47:36,376 --> 00:47:38,510
- Tiffani: Or we could trick them
1480
00:47:38,545 --> 00:47:39,845
into a date.
1481
00:47:39,879 --> 00:47:42,414
- Ryan: That's what I just said.
1482
00:47:42,782 --> 00:47:51,256
#
1483
00:47:51,624 --> 00:47:52,924
- Tiffani: Hey there sausage,
1484
00:47:52,959 --> 00:47:54,426
why the long dick.
1485
00:47:54,461 --> 00:47:57,262
- Zack: Oh, it's you.
1486
00:47:57,296 --> 00:47:59,598
- Tiffani: Yes, it's me,
1487
00:47:59,632 --> 00:48:01,767
the slut with the heart of shit.
1488
00:48:01,801 --> 00:48:03,268
- Zack: No argument here.
1489
00:48:03,302 --> 00:48:04,603
- Tiffani: I know.
1490
00:48:04,637 --> 00:48:05,771
I'm sorry,
1491
00:48:05,805 --> 00:48:07,906
I owe you a cocktail,
1492
00:48:07,940 --> 00:48:09,408
or at least a hand job.
1493
00:48:09,442 --> 00:48:10,576
- Zack: You've done enough,
1494
00:48:10,610 --> 00:48:13,078
really.
1495
00:48:13,112 --> 00:48:14,246
Actually,
1496
00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,415
there is something you can do.
1497
00:48:16,449 --> 00:48:17,750
Find me an auctioneer
1498
00:48:17,784 --> 00:48:19,918
for the male sale.
1499
00:48:19,952 --> 00:48:21,086
- Tiffani: I'll do it.
1500
00:48:21,120 --> 00:48:22,588
I used to run the auction
1501
00:48:22,622 --> 00:48:23,856
at my stepfather's Jude Ranch.
1502
00:48:23,890 --> 00:48:25,023
- Zack: Really?
1503
00:48:25,057 --> 00:48:26,191
- Tiffani: Yeah.
1504
00:48:26,225 --> 00:48:27,359
There's a lot people
1505
00:48:27,394 --> 00:48:29,361
don't know about me.
1506
00:48:31,398 --> 00:48:33,031
Listen.
1507
00:48:33,065 --> 00:48:34,533
You need to know the truth
1508
00:48:34,567 --> 00:48:36,034
about what went down with Casey.
1509
00:48:36,068 --> 00:48:37,536
- Zack: Casey can suck my balls.
1510
00:48:37,570 --> 00:48:39,037
- Tiffani: Well, that's what he's been
1511
00:48:39,071 --> 00:48:40,305
trying to say all along.
1512
00:48:40,339 --> 00:48:41,807
- Zack: You know what I mean.
1513
00:48:41,841 --> 00:48:43,308
- Tiffani: I know.
1514
00:48:43,342 --> 00:48:44,810
Come on, let me buy you
1515
00:48:44,844 --> 00:48:46,144
a drink later.
1516
00:48:46,178 --> 00:48:47,479
You shouldn't be alone
1517
00:48:47,514 --> 00:48:48,980
during this delicate juncture.
1518
00:48:49,015 --> 00:48:51,817
Trust me, I've been there.
1519
00:48:53,185 --> 00:48:57,656
Where is your fag hag anyway?
1520
00:48:57,690 --> 00:48:58,824
Oh, come on,
1521
00:48:58,858 --> 00:49:00,826
I'll sub for her.
1522
00:49:00,860 --> 00:49:01,993
- Zack: You can't sub
1523
00:49:02,028 --> 00:49:03,161
for a best friend.
1524
00:49:03,195 --> 00:49:04,329
- Tiffani: You're gay
1525
00:49:04,363 --> 00:49:05,597
and I'm a straight girl
1526
00:49:05,632 --> 00:49:06,765
of big tits.
1527
00:49:06,800 --> 00:49:07,933
Evolution has
1528
00:49:07,967 --> 00:49:09,100
genetically programmed us
1529
00:49:09,135 --> 00:49:10,602
to be there for each other.
1530
00:49:10,637 --> 00:49:11,770
Like the clown fish
1531
00:49:11,805 --> 00:49:12,938
and the sea anemone.
1532
00:49:12,972 --> 00:49:14,940
Now, what'd you say?
1533
00:49:21,314 --> 00:49:22,448
- Ryan: Casey!
1534
00:49:22,482 --> 00:49:23,782
- Casey: Oh, hey.
1535
00:49:23,817 --> 00:49:24,950
- Ryan: You, me, drinks.
1536
00:49:24,984 --> 00:49:26,117
Tonight.
1537
00:49:26,152 --> 00:49:27,285
- Casey: No.
1538
00:49:27,320 --> 00:49:28,454
What's up with you
1539
00:49:28,488 --> 00:49:29,721
going out with gay guys.
1540
00:49:29,756 --> 00:49:31,222
- Ryan: I want to make up
1541
00:49:31,257 --> 00:49:32,491
for screwing up your game.
1542
00:49:32,525 --> 00:49:33,759
- Casey: Yeah, I don't think
1543
00:49:33,793 --> 00:49:35,527
a Blue Ribbon or whatever it is
1544
00:49:35,562 --> 00:49:36,695
straight guys drink
1545
00:49:36,729 --> 00:49:37,696
is gonna help.
1546
00:49:37,730 --> 00:49:39,465
- Ryan: I'll put an umbrella in it.
1547
00:49:39,499 --> 00:49:40,466
Awesome.
1548
00:49:40,500 --> 00:49:43,802
I'll pick you up at 6:00.
1549
00:49:43,837 --> 00:49:46,137
- Casey: Awesome.
1550
00:49:56,199 --> 00:49:57,499
- Tiffani: It's me.
1551
00:49:57,533 --> 00:49:58,834
- Ryan: We're set.
1552
00:49:58,868 --> 00:50:00,002
- Tiffani: Great!
1553
00:50:00,036 --> 00:50:01,503
Now be a good little stripper
1554
00:50:01,537 --> 00:50:02,771
and do whatever it takes
1555
00:50:02,806 --> 00:50:04,039
to get those boys all
1556
00:50:04,074 --> 00:50:05,540
horned up and ready to blow.
1557
00:50:05,575 --> 00:50:06,809
- Ryan: I think they care
1558
00:50:06,843 --> 00:50:07,976
about more than sex.
1559
00:50:08,011 --> 00:50:09,144
- Tiffani: Jesus, you sound
1560
00:50:09,179 --> 00:50:10,645
like a woman that isn't me.
1561
00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:12,981
Of course they care about sex.
1562
00:50:13,016 --> 00:50:14,149
If they don't,
1563
00:50:14,184 --> 00:50:15,417
that's what the alcohol's for.
1564
00:50:15,451 --> 00:50:16,919
- Ryan: Well, you just show up
1565
00:50:16,953 --> 00:50:18,253
when you're supposed to.
1566
00:50:18,287 --> 00:50:19,922
- Tiffani: Honey, I'm a as reliable
1567
00:50:19,956 --> 00:50:21,423
as birth control.
1568
00:50:21,457 --> 00:50:22,691
- Ryan: That's not a 100%.
1569
00:50:22,726 --> 00:50:25,260
- Tiffani: Take it or leave it.
1570
00:50:25,628 --> 00:50:29,598
#
1571
00:50:29,966 --> 00:50:31,266
- Zack: Tandy,
1572
00:50:31,300 --> 00:50:32,434
what's up dragon lady?
1573
00:50:32,468 --> 00:50:33,702
- Tiffani: I got your non-call,
1574
00:50:33,737 --> 00:50:35,204
leave a fucking V.M. next time.
1575
00:50:35,238 --> 00:50:36,205
- Zack: You said
1576
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:37,472
you didn't want to hear
1577
00:50:37,506 --> 00:50:38,473
about gay problems.
1578
00:50:38,507 --> 00:50:39,474
- Tiffani: Good point,
1579
00:50:39,508 --> 00:50:40,642
thanks for sparing me
1580
00:50:40,676 --> 00:50:41,910
the Queer as Folk rerun.
1581
00:50:41,945 --> 00:50:42,911
Where are we going?
1582
00:50:42,946 --> 00:50:43,912
- Zack: To hang out
1583
00:50:43,947 --> 00:50:44,913
with my new friend,
1584
00:50:44,948 --> 00:50:45,914
remember that girl, Tiffani.
1585
00:50:45,949 --> 00:50:46,915
- Tiffani: The sluttier version
1586
00:50:46,950 --> 00:50:47,916
of Tara Reid?
1587
00:50:47,951 --> 00:50:49,184
You're hanging out with her?
1588
00:50:49,219 --> 00:50:50,452
- Zack: She wanted to hear
1589
00:50:50,486 --> 00:50:51,620
about my problems.
1590
00:50:51,654 --> 00:50:53,455
- Tiffani: I smell a rat
1591
00:50:53,489 --> 00:50:57,292
with fake tits.
1592
00:50:57,326 --> 00:50:59,061
- Tiffani: To all the boys I fucked
1593
00:50:59,095 --> 00:51:00,796
and never called back.
1594
00:51:00,830 --> 00:51:01,964
- Zack: That must be
1595
00:51:01,998 --> 00:51:03,132
like a hundred.
1596
00:51:03,166 --> 00:51:04,633
- Tiffani: Like ten years ago maybe.
1597
00:51:04,667 --> 00:51:07,970
- Z Here's to me catching up.
1598
00:51:12,341 --> 00:51:14,977
- Tiffani: So, this whole Internet...
1599
00:51:15,011 --> 00:51:16,311
- Zack: Lie.
1600
00:51:16,345 --> 00:51:17,646
- Tiffani: Performance
1601
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:19,982
was totally 100% my idea.
1602
00:51:20,016 --> 00:51:21,817
Casey had nothing to do
1603
00:51:21,851 --> 00:51:23,152
with it.
1604
00:51:23,186 --> 00:51:24,419
- Zack: But he's the one
1605
00:51:24,453 --> 00:51:27,089
who chatted with me, right?
1606
00:51:27,123 --> 00:51:28,757
- Tiffani: Yes.
1607
00:51:28,792 --> 00:51:31,093
But I practically raped him
1608
00:51:31,127 --> 00:51:33,095
into it.
1609
00:51:33,129 --> 00:51:34,596
- Zack: So what he said,
1610
00:51:34,630 --> 00:51:37,166
how much of that was him?
1611
00:51:38,534 --> 00:51:41,670
- Tiffani: Just the good stuff.
1612
00:51:41,704 --> 00:51:43,672
- Zack: He's lucky to have you,
1613
00:51:43,706 --> 00:51:46,175
except for the raping part.
1614
00:51:46,209 --> 00:51:48,310
- Tiffani: To the raping part.
1615
00:51:48,344 --> 00:51:50,979
- Zack: To the raping part.
1616
00:51:51,347 --> 00:52:00,322
#
1617
00:52:00,690 --> 00:52:09,664
#
1618
00:52:10,033 --> 00:52:11,166
- Tiffani: Trust me,
1619
00:52:11,201 --> 00:52:12,434
this is so much better
1620
00:52:12,468 --> 00:52:13,601
than shaving.
1621
00:52:13,636 --> 00:52:17,439
- Zack: That feels really weird.
1622
00:52:17,473 --> 00:52:18,606
- Tiffani: Assholes
1623
00:52:18,641 --> 00:52:21,109
are like snowflakes.
1624
00:52:21,144 --> 00:52:23,111
Speaking of pretty assholes,
1625
00:52:23,146 --> 00:52:24,279
why were you dating
1626
00:52:24,314 --> 00:52:26,281
that Lionel guy?
1627
00:52:26,316 --> 00:52:27,449
- Zack: What?
1628
00:52:27,483 --> 00:52:28,783
You've never dated
1629
00:52:28,818 --> 00:52:30,452
an asshole before?
1630
00:52:30,486 --> 00:52:32,620
- Tiffani: Honey,
1631
00:52:32,655 --> 00:52:35,457
assholes are attracted to me
1632
00:52:35,491 --> 00:52:38,961
like shit to assholes.
1633
00:52:38,995 --> 00:52:40,462
- Zack: And why did you stay
1634
00:52:40,496 --> 00:52:41,629
with them?
1635
00:52:41,664 --> 00:52:42,797
- Tiffani: Sex.
1636
00:52:42,832 --> 00:52:43,966
- Zack: Exactly!
1637
00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:45,234
I have the same problem,
1638
00:52:45,268 --> 00:52:46,735
I can't say no to cock.
1639
00:52:46,769 --> 00:52:47,903
- Tiffani: Oh, you're fucking
1640
00:52:47,937 --> 00:52:49,071
to the choir.
1641
00:52:49,105 --> 00:52:52,407
Dick, it just like blinds me,
1642
00:52:52,441 --> 00:52:54,743
you know.
1643
00:52:54,777 --> 00:52:55,911
- Zack: You ripped out
1644
00:52:55,945 --> 00:52:57,913
my sphincter!
1645
00:52:59,282 --> 00:53:01,399
- Tiffani: My turn.
1646
00:53:01,434 --> 00:53:02,567
- Ryan: You know,
1647
00:53:02,601 --> 00:53:05,237
Zack is totally into you.
1648
00:53:05,271 --> 00:53:06,972
- Casey: No he's not.
1649
00:53:07,006 --> 00:53:08,240
I need to give up
1650
00:53:08,274 --> 00:53:10,075
and go for someone uglier.
1651
00:53:10,109 --> 00:53:12,911
Not like Michael Stipe ugly,
1652
00:53:12,946 --> 00:53:14,412
but at least
1653
00:53:14,447 --> 00:53:16,915
Rufus Wainwright ugly.
1654
00:53:16,950 --> 00:53:19,484
- Ryan: I don't watch that show.
1655
00:53:19,518 --> 00:53:20,819
But I've been watching
1656
00:53:20,854 --> 00:53:22,554
gay guys for years.
1657
00:53:22,588 --> 00:53:23,722
See, they don't think
1658
00:53:23,756 --> 00:53:25,057
the strippers can see back,
1659
00:53:25,091 --> 00:53:27,226
but we totally can.
1660
00:53:27,260 --> 00:53:28,727
You guys' problem is
1661
00:53:28,761 --> 00:53:29,895
you don't even talk
1662
00:53:29,929 --> 00:53:31,063
to each other,
1663
00:53:31,097 --> 00:53:32,231
you're always waiting
1664
00:53:32,265 --> 00:53:33,398
for someone else
1665
00:53:33,432 --> 00:53:35,067
to make the first move.
1666
00:53:35,101 --> 00:53:36,568
- Casey: I gave him my number,
1667
00:53:36,602 --> 00:53:38,570
I volunteered for the male sale,
1668
00:53:38,604 --> 00:53:40,405
I took off my shirt for him.
1669
00:53:40,439 --> 00:53:42,741
I stalked him on the Internet.
1670
00:53:42,775 --> 00:53:44,910
I made all the moves.
1671
00:53:44,944 --> 00:53:46,411
- Ryan: But when'd you tell him
1672
00:53:46,445 --> 00:53:49,414
you liked him.
1673
00:53:49,448 --> 00:53:50,582
- Tiffani: You know,
1674
00:53:50,616 --> 00:53:54,086
you could cheat on me,
1675
00:53:54,120 --> 00:53:55,420
steal all my money
1676
00:53:55,454 --> 00:53:57,155
and kill my mother
1677
00:53:57,190 --> 00:53:59,157
but if you're hot,
1678
00:53:59,192 --> 00:54:00,825
I'll make excuses for you
1679
00:54:00,860 --> 00:54:03,828
until the day you leave me.
1680
00:54:07,367 --> 00:54:09,334
Or turn gay.
1681
00:54:09,369 --> 00:54:11,503
Or both.
1682
00:54:12,872 --> 00:54:15,173
Oh, damn,
1683
00:54:15,208 --> 00:54:16,674
all out of liquor.
1684
00:54:16,709 --> 00:54:18,176
Let's get out of here.
1685
00:54:18,211 --> 00:54:19,511
You can have that one,
1686
00:54:19,545 --> 00:54:21,846
I got plenty at home.
1687
00:54:22,215 --> 00:54:28,186
#
1688
00:54:28,554 --> 00:54:29,687
- Ryan: That pizza
1689
00:54:29,722 --> 00:54:31,189
ought to be here any minute.
1690
00:54:31,224 --> 00:54:33,858
- Casey: Yum, pizza.
1691
00:54:33,893 --> 00:54:35,027
- Ryan: What if
1692
00:54:35,061 --> 00:54:36,194
your boyfriend Zack
1693
00:54:36,229 --> 00:54:37,695
was the delivery boy?
1694
00:54:37,730 --> 00:54:40,032
- Casey: You are such a stripper.
1695
00:54:40,066 --> 00:54:43,201
And he's not my boyfriend.
1696
00:54:43,236 --> 00:54:44,702
- Ryan: I gotta hit the head,
1697
00:54:44,737 --> 00:54:46,538
get the door if the pizza comes.
1698
00:54:46,572 --> 00:54:48,873
- Casey: Ok.
1699
00:54:49,242 --> 00:55:04,389
#
1700
00:55:04,757 --> 00:55:19,904
#
1701
00:55:20,273 --> 00:55:35,420
#
1702
00:55:35,788 --> 00:55:37,422
- Casey: You've been
1703
00:55:37,457 --> 00:55:40,092
a very bad boy.
1704
00:55:40,126 --> 00:55:41,426
You have the right
1705
00:55:41,461 --> 00:55:43,928
to remain sexy.
1706
00:55:43,963 --> 00:55:45,230
Anything you touch
1707
00:55:45,264 --> 00:55:46,731
will be held against you
1708
00:55:46,765 --> 00:55:48,733
in the court of my...
1709
00:55:49,102 --> 00:55:51,569
[doorbell ringing]
1710
00:55:53,606 --> 00:55:55,407
Hit me with that pepperoni!
1711
00:55:55,441 --> 00:55:59,411
- Zack: Casey?
1712
00:55:59,445 --> 00:56:00,578
- Tiffani: Gotta go,
1713
00:56:00,613 --> 00:56:03,915
you two work it out, bye.
1714
00:56:03,949 --> 00:56:05,083
- Zack: Damn it!
1715
00:56:05,118 --> 00:56:06,251
- Casey: Hey Zack.
1716
00:56:06,285 --> 00:56:08,253
- Zack: Nice hat.
1717
00:56:12,625 --> 00:56:13,925
- Tiffani: Are they fucking yet?
1718
00:56:13,959 --> 00:56:15,660
- Ryan: Not even close.
1719
00:56:15,694 --> 00:56:17,162
Is this gonna work?
1720
00:56:17,196 --> 00:56:18,497
- Tiffani: Trust me, it's science.
1721
00:56:18,531 --> 00:56:19,664
If you leave
1722
00:56:19,698 --> 00:56:20,832
two dicks together,
1723
00:56:20,866 --> 00:56:22,000
eventually one of them's
1724
00:56:22,035 --> 00:56:23,168
going to need sucking.
1725
00:56:23,202 --> 00:56:24,336
Like prison.
1726
00:56:24,370 --> 00:56:27,172
- Casey: I'm really sorry
1727
00:56:27,206 --> 00:56:29,508
about what I did.
1728
00:56:29,542 --> 00:56:31,843
- Zack: Who does stuff like that?
1729
00:56:31,877 --> 00:56:34,179
- Casey: People with no self-esteem?
1730
00:56:34,213 --> 00:56:35,514
- Zack: It's kinda mean.
1731
00:56:35,548 --> 00:56:36,681
- Casey: I'm sorry,
1732
00:56:36,715 --> 00:56:37,949
it got out of hand.
1733
00:56:37,983 --> 00:56:40,285
I just...I wanted to...
1734
00:56:40,319 --> 00:56:41,453
I don't know.
1735
00:56:41,487 --> 00:56:42,954
I wanted to meet you.
1736
00:56:42,988 --> 00:56:44,222
- Zack: You did meet me.
1737
00:56:44,257 --> 00:56:45,723
- Casey: I know,
1738
00:56:45,758 --> 00:56:49,894
I'm just an idiot.
1739
00:56:49,929 --> 00:56:51,396
- Zack: It's not a big deal,
1740
00:56:51,431 --> 00:56:53,398
it's over.
1741
00:56:55,601 --> 00:56:56,734
- Tiffani: Come on,
1742
00:56:56,769 --> 00:56:57,902
this is the part
1743
00:56:57,937 --> 00:56:59,071
where you fuck him.
1744
00:56:59,105 --> 00:57:00,238
- Ryan: Man,
1745
00:57:00,273 --> 00:57:01,506
he just looked at you.
1746
00:57:01,541 --> 00:57:03,007
Look back.
1747
00:57:03,042 --> 00:57:04,008
- Tiffani: The dick sucking
1748
00:57:04,043 --> 00:57:05,009
principle should take effect
1749
00:57:05,044 --> 00:57:06,010
any second.
1750
00:57:06,045 --> 00:57:07,279
- Ryan: Nah, I've seen guys
1751
00:57:07,313 --> 00:57:08,547
do this at the club.
1752
00:57:08,581 --> 00:57:09,814
They'll sit there for hours
1753
00:57:09,848 --> 00:57:11,083
and never say a word,
1754
00:57:11,117 --> 00:57:12,084
no matter how much
1755
00:57:12,118 --> 00:57:13,085
they like each other.
1756
00:57:13,119 --> 00:57:14,086
- Tiffani: Go do something.
1757
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:15,920
- Ryan: There's nothing I can do.
1758
00:57:15,955 --> 00:57:17,922
Except...
1759
00:57:17,957 --> 00:57:19,091
- Tiffani: What?
1760
00:57:19,125 --> 00:57:20,358
- Ryan: Work my stripper magic.
1761
00:57:20,393 --> 00:57:21,526
- Tiffani: Stripper magic?
1762
00:57:21,561 --> 00:57:23,027
- Ryan: When I see two guys
1763
00:57:23,062 --> 00:57:24,296
doing this at the club,
1764
00:57:24,330 --> 00:57:25,464
I'll get between them
1765
00:57:25,498 --> 00:57:26,965
and make them put their hands
1766
00:57:26,999 --> 00:57:28,133
all over me.
1767
00:57:28,167 --> 00:57:29,901
Then, I'll get out of the way
1768
00:57:29,935 --> 00:57:31,169
and they're so worked up
1769
00:57:31,204 --> 00:57:32,170
that they're
1770
00:57:32,205 --> 00:57:33,171
all over each other.
1771
00:57:33,206 --> 00:57:34,439
- Tiffani: You're like a stripper
1772
00:57:34,474 --> 00:57:35,440
Harriett Tubman.
1773
00:57:35,475 --> 00:57:36,441
- Ryan: Exactly!
1774
00:57:36,476 --> 00:57:37,709
- Tiffani: Get to it Harriett,
1775
00:57:37,743 --> 00:57:39,728
the dogs are coming.
1776
00:57:40,095 --> 00:57:47,736
#
1777
00:57:48,103 --> 00:57:49,237
- Zack: Thank God,
1778
00:57:49,271 --> 00:57:50,405
can we leave now?
1779
00:57:50,439 --> 00:57:51,907
- Ryan: You boys sit right there,
1780
00:57:51,941 --> 00:57:53,074
this party's
1781
00:57:53,108 --> 00:57:55,076
just getting started.
1782
00:57:55,444 --> 00:57:57,579
#
1783
00:57:57,947 --> 00:57:59,080
Let me show you
1784
00:57:59,114 --> 00:58:01,416
some classic stripper moves.
1785
00:58:01,450 --> 00:58:02,584
- Casey: What the fuck
1786
00:58:02,618 --> 00:58:03,752
are you doing?
1787
00:58:03,786 --> 00:58:04,920
- Ryan: You guys
1788
00:58:04,954 --> 00:58:06,087
are at full attention,
1789
00:58:06,121 --> 00:58:07,255
and Sergeant Ryan's here
1790
00:58:07,289 --> 00:58:09,257
to release it.
1791
00:58:12,294 --> 00:58:15,263
Now, both of you
1792
00:58:15,297 --> 00:58:18,266
make a wish and pull.
1793
00:58:18,300 --> 00:58:19,434
- Casey: You've got
1794
00:58:19,468 --> 00:58:20,602
to be kidding me.
1795
00:58:20,636 --> 00:58:21,770
- Zack: Well it is
1796
00:58:21,804 --> 00:58:23,038
kind of an ugly shirt.
1797
00:58:23,072 --> 00:58:25,040
- Casey: Totally generic.
1798
00:58:26,576 --> 00:58:29,377
- Ryan: That's more like it.
1799
00:58:30,412 --> 00:58:31,713
Free.
1800
00:58:31,747 --> 00:58:33,381
Now, rip open
1801
00:58:33,415 --> 00:58:35,383
rigid Ryan's jeans.
1802
00:58:35,417 --> 00:58:36,718
- Casey: You're straight?
1803
00:58:36,752 --> 00:58:38,219
- Ryan: We're just three dudes
1804
00:58:38,253 --> 00:58:39,888
having some fun.
1805
00:58:39,922 --> 00:58:42,223
Now pull.
1806
00:58:44,760 --> 00:58:46,227
- Zack: Are you hard?
1807
00:58:46,261 --> 00:58:47,562
- Ryan: Maybe.
1808
00:58:47,597 --> 00:58:50,732
Are you?
1809
00:58:50,766 --> 00:58:53,735
Gotta get out of these pants.
1810
00:58:54,103 --> 00:58:59,240
#
1811
00:58:59,609 --> 00:59:00,909
There's never a sexy way
1812
00:59:00,943 --> 00:59:02,176
to get the jeans off.
1813
00:59:02,211 --> 00:59:03,344
- Casey: I don't know,
1814
00:59:03,378 --> 00:59:04,512
that's pretty...
1815
00:59:04,546 --> 00:59:05,513
- Zack: Sexy.
1816
00:59:05,547 --> 00:59:06,514
- Ryan: Your turn.
1817
00:59:06,548 --> 00:59:07,515
- Casey: For what?
1818
00:59:07,549 --> 00:59:08,783
- Ryan: For your free lesson
1819
00:59:08,818 --> 00:59:09,951
in exotic dancing,
1820
00:59:09,986 --> 00:59:11,452
it's an actual skill you know.
1821
00:59:11,487 --> 00:59:12,621
- Zack: I'm in.
1822
00:59:12,655 --> 00:59:13,788
- Casey: I'll watch.
1823
00:59:13,823 --> 00:59:15,056
- Ryan: No looky-loos, come on.
1824
00:59:15,091 --> 00:59:16,224
Undo your shirts.
1825
00:59:16,258 --> 00:59:17,558
With more confidence.
1826
00:59:17,593 --> 00:59:20,561
A slow reveal.
1827
00:59:22,932 --> 00:59:24,232
Good.
1828
00:59:24,266 --> 00:59:25,399
Now, when you get
1829
00:59:25,434 --> 00:59:26,567
to the last button,
1830
00:59:26,602 --> 00:59:28,069
take your shirt at the collar
1831
00:59:28,104 --> 00:59:30,404
and slowly peel it off.
1832
00:59:31,440 --> 00:59:32,573
Good, that's hot.
1833
00:59:32,608 --> 00:59:33,908
- Casey: Yeah.
1834
00:59:33,943 --> 00:59:35,576
- Ryan: Now, pull your pants off
1835
00:59:35,611 --> 00:59:36,745
like I did,
1836
00:59:36,779 --> 00:59:37,912
and lead forward,
1837
00:59:37,947 --> 00:59:39,914
like this.
1838
00:59:40,282 --> 00:59:43,251
#
1839
00:59:43,619 --> 00:59:45,086
Come on, we're in underwear.
1840
00:59:45,121 --> 00:59:48,089
Zack, come here, take a side.
1841
00:59:51,127 --> 00:59:52,426
- Casey: Well,
1842
00:59:52,461 --> 00:59:55,263
that was certainly fun.
1843
00:59:55,297 --> 00:59:58,266
- Ryan: Now give me a lap dance.
1844
01:00:00,302 --> 01:00:01,770
- Zack: How's this?
1845
01:00:01,804 --> 01:00:02,937
- Ryan: You dance
1846
01:00:02,972 --> 01:00:04,105
like a straight boy.
1847
01:00:04,140 --> 01:00:05,373
You need to move them
1848
01:00:05,407 --> 01:00:06,541
like this.
1849
01:00:06,575 --> 01:00:08,043
You're all thrust and no grind.
1850
01:00:08,077 --> 01:00:09,711
Casey, come here.
1851
01:00:09,745 --> 01:00:12,547
Put your hands here.
1852
01:00:12,581 --> 01:00:14,716
Feel this.
1853
01:00:14,750 --> 01:00:17,052
That's hot.
1854
01:00:17,419 --> 01:00:24,559
#
1855
01:00:24,927 --> 01:00:26,227
You know,
1856
01:00:26,261 --> 01:00:28,897
you guys make a hot couple.
1857
01:00:30,599 --> 01:00:32,233
Guys, I think I'm gonna...
1858
01:00:32,267 --> 01:00:33,401
- Zack: You're not
1859
01:00:33,435 --> 01:00:34,569
gonna go anywhere
1860
01:00:34,603 --> 01:00:36,571
when you're that hard.
1861
01:00:36,939 --> 01:00:46,915
#
1862
01:00:47,282 --> 01:00:56,091
#
1863
01:00:56,458 --> 01:00:58,259
- Ryan: Oh yeah.
1864
01:00:58,293 --> 01:00:59,928
That's so hot.
1865
01:00:59,962 --> 01:01:01,096
- Tiffani: Oh my God,
1866
01:01:01,130 --> 01:01:03,431
that is so fucking hot!
1867
01:01:04,466 --> 01:01:19,447
[moaning]
1868
01:01:19,815 --> 01:01:26,621
[panting]
1869
01:01:26,989 --> 01:01:28,256
- Ryan: Fuck yeah,
1870
01:01:28,290 --> 01:01:31,259
work that pussy.
1871
01:01:31,627 --> 01:01:39,768
#
1872
01:01:40,136 --> 01:01:42,436
- Tandy: And what do we have here?
1873
01:01:42,471 --> 01:01:44,105
Shew, get away.
1874
01:01:44,140 --> 01:01:45,273
- Tiffani: I don't do
1875
01:01:45,307 --> 01:01:46,440
the lesbian thing anymore.
1876
01:01:46,475 --> 01:01:47,608
- Tandy: I knew
1877
01:01:47,643 --> 01:01:48,777
this was gonna happen.
1878
01:01:48,811 --> 01:01:50,945
- Tiffani: You did?
1879
01:01:50,980 --> 01:01:52,947
Get over here.
1880
01:01:54,483 --> 01:01:55,784
- Ryan: What the...
1881
01:01:55,818 --> 01:01:57,952
- Zack: Ready for the Zack special?
1882
01:01:58,320 --> 01:02:01,622
#
1883
01:02:01,991 --> 01:02:03,958
Help me.
1884
01:02:05,494 --> 01:02:08,129
- Ryan: Holy crap.
1885
01:02:08,164 --> 01:02:09,463
Oh yeah, I've never had
1886
01:02:09,498 --> 01:02:11,966
two months before, yeah,
1887
01:02:12,001 --> 01:02:14,335
one of you do the balls.
1888
01:02:14,369 --> 01:02:17,672
Oh my God!
1889
01:02:19,374 --> 01:02:20,608
- Tandy: Why are you fucking
1890
01:02:20,642 --> 01:02:21,776
with Zack?
1891
01:02:21,811 --> 01:02:22,944
- Tiffani: Technically
1892
01:02:22,978 --> 01:02:24,112
I'm watching them
1893
01:02:24,146 --> 01:02:25,280
fuck with Zack.
1894
01:02:25,314 --> 01:02:26,447
- Tandy: I'm breaking up
1895
01:02:26,481 --> 01:02:27,715
that blow fest right now.
1896
01:02:27,749 --> 01:02:29,217
- Tiffani: Over my hot dead body.
1897
01:02:29,251 --> 01:02:30,384
- Tandy: That's what
1898
01:02:30,419 --> 01:02:32,386
I was planning.
1899
01:02:39,761 --> 01:02:42,897
Oh!
1900
01:02:42,932 --> 01:02:45,066
Is that pussy juice?
1901
01:02:45,100 --> 01:02:48,402
- Tiffani: A thousand dollars worth.
1902
01:02:48,437 --> 01:02:52,240
Oh!
1903
01:02:52,274 --> 01:02:54,408
- Ryan: Guys, I'm gonna...
1904
01:02:54,443 --> 01:02:55,576
I'm gonna...
1905
01:02:55,610 --> 01:02:56,744
I'm gonna...
1906
01:02:56,778 --> 01:03:00,414
Jesus Mary Jenna Jameson!
1907
01:03:00,449 --> 01:03:01,682
- Tiffani: I've never heard that
1908
01:03:01,717 --> 01:03:02,851
without anything
1909
01:03:02,885 --> 01:03:04,853
in my pussy before.
1910
01:03:06,555 --> 01:03:16,530
[moaning]
1911
01:03:16,899 --> 01:03:26,875
[panting]
1912
01:03:27,576 --> 01:03:29,377
- Casey: Wow.
1913
01:03:29,411 --> 01:03:32,046
- Zack: Wow.
1914
01:03:32,081 --> 01:03:34,548
- Ryan: Wow!
1915
01:03:34,583 --> 01:03:36,284
- Tandy: You fucking bitch.
1916
01:03:36,318 --> 01:03:37,451
- Tiffani: Let me kick
1917
01:03:37,486 --> 01:03:38,953
that pussy again.
1918
01:03:38,988 --> 01:03:40,121
- Zack: Tandy?
1919
01:03:40,155 --> 01:03:41,289
- Casey: Tiffani?
1920
01:03:41,323 --> 01:03:42,623
- Tiffani: Sorry I'm late.
1921
01:03:42,657 --> 01:03:44,959
Woman things.
1922
01:03:48,497 --> 01:03:50,965
God, I miss that cock.
1923
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:52,133
- Zack: Are you ok?
1924
01:03:52,167 --> 01:03:53,868
- Tandy: Kill the bitch.
1925
01:03:53,903 --> 01:03:55,370
- Zack: What the hell happened?
1926
01:03:55,404 --> 01:03:56,537
- Tandy: I was trying
1927
01:03:56,571 --> 01:03:57,705
to protect you.
1928
01:03:57,739 --> 01:03:58,873
- Zack: I appreciate it
1929
01:03:58,908 --> 01:04:00,375
but it turns out
1930
01:04:00,409 --> 01:04:02,377
that everything's just fine.
1931
01:04:02,411 --> 01:04:03,544
Better than fine.
1932
01:04:03,578 --> 01:04:04,712
- Tandy: What?
1933
01:04:04,746 --> 01:04:06,214
Are you life partners now?
1934
01:04:06,248 --> 01:04:08,549
- Zack: I think we're...
1935
01:04:08,583 --> 01:04:12,053
- Tiffani: Thanks to me and Ryan,
1936
01:04:12,087 --> 01:04:14,722
and Ryan's friend.
1937
01:04:14,756 --> 01:04:15,890
- Casey: Zack, I have
1938
01:04:15,925 --> 01:04:17,392
the perfect first date for us.
1939
01:04:17,426 --> 01:04:18,659
- Zack: Like your first date
1940
01:04:18,693 --> 01:04:20,995
with him?
1941
01:04:23,032 --> 01:04:25,133
You're just like everyone else.
1942
01:04:25,167 --> 01:04:28,136
Fuck you!
1943
01:04:32,174 --> 01:04:35,310
- Tandy: You're all assholes.
1944
01:04:37,012 --> 01:04:38,813
- Tiffani: I miss how we fuck.
1945
01:04:38,847 --> 01:04:41,482
- Ryan: Rigid Ryan misses you too.
1946
01:04:41,516 --> 01:04:43,217
- Tiffani: Oh come on,
1947
01:04:43,252 --> 01:04:44,485
let's go suck the gay
1948
01:04:44,519 --> 01:04:46,821
out of your cock.
1949
01:04:47,189 --> 01:04:57,148
#
1950
01:04:57,516 --> 01:04:58,749
- Zack: I hate the Internet.
1951
01:04:58,783 --> 01:05:00,018
- Tiffani: You can use it
1952
01:05:00,052 --> 01:05:01,285
for things other than sex.
1953
01:05:01,320 --> 01:05:02,620
- Zack: Like what?
1954
01:05:02,654 --> 01:05:03,787
- Tiffani: Well,
1955
01:05:03,822 --> 01:05:04,955
maybe gay people can't.
1956
01:05:04,990 --> 01:05:06,124
- Zack: Speaking
1957
01:05:06,158 --> 01:05:07,291
of trolling for sex,
1958
01:05:07,326 --> 01:05:08,292
I can't believe
1959
01:05:08,327 --> 01:05:09,293
Casey just slept
1960
01:05:09,328 --> 01:05:10,294
with the first thing
1961
01:05:10,329 --> 01:05:11,295
that looked at him.
1962
01:05:11,330 --> 01:05:12,563
- Tiffani: Ugh, I hate him.
1963
01:05:12,597 --> 01:05:13,564
But in his defense,
1964
01:05:13,598 --> 01:05:15,066
you did sort of reject him.
1965
01:05:15,100 --> 01:05:16,067
- Zack: So?
1966
01:05:16,101 --> 01:05:17,335
- Tiffani: What did you do
1967
01:05:17,369 --> 01:05:18,336
when Lionel rejected you?
1968
01:05:18,370 --> 01:05:19,337
You trolled...
1969
01:05:19,371 --> 01:05:21,172
- Both: Online for sex.
1970
01:05:21,206 --> 01:05:22,340
- Zack: I hate
1971
01:05:22,374 --> 01:05:24,509
that you're always right.
1972
01:05:24,543 --> 01:05:26,511
It's like Jesus is my fag hag.
1973
01:05:26,545 --> 01:05:27,512
Wait, sorry,
1974
01:05:27,546 --> 01:05:28,779
I know you don't like
1975
01:05:28,813 --> 01:05:29,780
being called...
1976
01:05:29,814 --> 01:05:31,049
- Tiffani: I'm dealing with it.
1977
01:05:31,083 --> 01:05:32,216
I'm your fag hag.
1978
01:05:32,251 --> 01:05:34,052
Not a fag hag.
1979
01:05:34,086 --> 01:05:36,220
Your fag hag.
1980
01:05:36,255 --> 01:05:38,722
- Zack: Thank you sweetie.
1981
01:05:40,092 --> 01:05:41,825
- Tiffani: But if I'm your fag hag,
1982
01:05:41,860 --> 01:05:43,961
then you're my gay bitch.
1983
01:05:45,997 --> 01:05:47,298
- Zack: Gay bitch
1984
01:05:47,332 --> 01:05:49,133
loves his fag hag.
1985
01:05:49,168 --> 01:05:50,468
- Tiffani: You better bitch,
1986
01:05:50,502 --> 01:05:52,470
I got a black eye for you.
1987
01:06:03,182 --> 01:06:04,815
- Helen: Casey? Honey?
1988
01:06:04,849 --> 01:06:06,317
- Casey: I'm moving back home.
1989
01:06:06,351 --> 01:06:07,585
Can you drop me off
1990
01:06:07,619 --> 01:06:08,752
at the bus station
1991
01:06:08,787 --> 01:06:09,920
when I'm done packing?
1992
01:06:09,955 --> 01:06:11,189
- Helen: I thought you were
1993
01:06:11,223 --> 01:06:12,356
making new friends?
1994
01:06:12,391 --> 01:06:13,624
Don't you like it here?
1995
01:06:13,658 --> 01:06:14,792
The cheap rent,
1996
01:06:14,826 --> 01:06:15,960
the beautiful weather,
1997
01:06:15,994 --> 01:06:18,296
the abundance of gay ass.
1998
01:06:18,330 --> 01:06:19,630
- Casey: I turned everything
1999
01:06:19,664 --> 01:06:21,299
into a big wet mess.
2000
01:06:21,333 --> 01:06:22,467
- Helen: Oh honey,
2001
01:06:22,501 --> 01:06:23,734
it can't be that bad.
2002
01:06:23,768 --> 01:06:24,902
- Casey: It's horrible!
2003
01:06:24,936 --> 01:06:26,737
It's like 9/11 but with sex.
2004
01:06:26,771 --> 01:06:28,739
- Helen: Like a 69/11.
2005
01:06:28,773 --> 01:06:30,074
- Casey: You're horrible.
2006
01:06:30,109 --> 01:06:31,742
- Helen: Oh honey, come on.
2007
01:06:31,776 --> 01:06:33,010
I don't know what kind
2008
01:06:33,044 --> 01:06:34,345
of orgie-astic corfafel
2009
01:06:34,379 --> 01:06:35,513
you've gotten yourself
2010
01:06:35,547 --> 01:06:36,680
wrapped up in.
2011
01:06:36,715 --> 01:06:37,848
But I do know
2012
01:06:37,882 --> 01:06:39,016
that when you run
2013
01:06:39,050 --> 01:06:40,184
from your problems,
2014
01:06:40,219 --> 01:06:41,352
the location might change
2015
01:06:41,386 --> 01:06:42,520
but your problems
2016
01:06:42,554 --> 01:06:43,687
will be right there
2017
01:06:43,722 --> 01:06:44,855
waiting for you.
2018
01:06:44,889 --> 01:06:46,023
Only there
2019
01:06:46,057 --> 01:06:47,291
you won't have cheap rent
2020
01:06:47,326 --> 01:06:48,459
and this beautiful weather.
2021
01:06:48,494 --> 01:06:49,627
- Casey: What about
2022
01:06:49,661 --> 01:06:50,894
the abundance of gay ass?
2023
01:06:50,929 --> 01:06:51,895
- Helen: Honey,
2024
01:06:51,930 --> 01:06:53,164
you can find that anywhere.
2025
01:06:53,198 --> 01:06:54,165
Now come on,
2026
01:06:54,199 --> 01:06:55,333
tell your auntie Helen
2027
01:06:55,367 --> 01:06:56,501
all about your problem.
2028
01:06:56,535 --> 01:06:58,836
I promise you won't shock me.
2029
01:06:58,870 --> 01:07:00,004
- Casey: Ok, I pretended
2030
01:07:00,038 --> 01:07:01,506
to be Ryan to Zack online
2031
01:07:01,540 --> 01:07:02,773
but then Ryan showed up
2032
01:07:02,807 --> 01:07:04,041
and went out with Zack
2033
01:07:04,075 --> 01:07:05,309
to get back at Tiffani.
2034
01:07:05,344 --> 01:07:06,310
Anyway,
2035
01:07:06,345 --> 01:07:07,478
I think Zack realized
2036
01:07:07,513 --> 01:07:09,247
he liked me for who I am
2037
01:07:09,281 --> 01:07:10,748
and not the way Ryan looked
2038
01:07:10,782 --> 01:07:12,016
but he never told me.
2039
01:07:12,050 --> 01:07:13,017
So I fucked Lionel
2040
01:07:13,051 --> 01:07:14,018
who was probably just
2041
01:07:14,052 --> 01:07:15,520
trying to get back at Zack,
2042
01:07:15,554 --> 01:07:17,288
and then Ryan got Zack and me
2043
01:07:17,322 --> 01:07:18,556
to give him a blowjob
2044
01:07:18,590 --> 01:07:20,057
in order to get us together.
2045
01:07:20,091 --> 01:07:21,058
And it actually worked.
2046
01:07:21,092 --> 01:07:22,326
Until Zack got a videoclip
2047
01:07:22,361 --> 01:07:24,328
of me and Lionel doing it.
2048
01:07:24,363 --> 01:07:26,664
- Helen: So, Zack never told you
2049
01:07:26,698 --> 01:07:27,998
how he felt.
2050
01:07:28,033 --> 01:07:29,333
- Casey: Yeah.
2051
01:07:29,368 --> 01:07:30,501
- Helen: And you're just
2052
01:07:30,536 --> 01:07:31,669
gonna leave town
2053
01:07:31,703 --> 01:07:33,171
without giving him a chance to.
2054
01:07:33,205 --> 01:07:34,438
- Tiffani: You're not leaving town
2055
01:07:34,473 --> 01:07:35,606
you fuck tard.
2056
01:07:35,641 --> 01:07:36,774
We have a date
2057
01:07:36,808 --> 01:07:37,941
and I'm not running
2058
01:07:37,976 --> 01:07:39,109
that auction alone.
2059
01:07:39,144 --> 01:07:40,278
- Helen: The slut's right.
2060
01:07:40,312 --> 01:07:41,445
Don't pussy out
2061
01:07:41,480 --> 01:07:42,613
on the youth center
2062
01:07:42,648 --> 01:07:43,781
just because someone hurt
2063
01:07:43,815 --> 01:07:44,948
your dick's feelings.
2064
01:07:44,983 --> 01:07:46,116
- Tiffani: Love her.
2065
01:07:46,151 --> 01:07:47,285
Besides, when you run
2066
01:07:47,319 --> 01:07:48,452
from your problems,
2067
01:07:48,487 --> 01:07:49,620
the location may change...
2068
01:07:49,655 --> 01:07:51,121
- Casey: I already got that speech.
2069
01:07:51,156 --> 01:07:52,122
- Tiffani: Than what are
2070
01:07:52,157 --> 01:07:53,123
we waiting for,
2071
01:07:53,158 --> 01:07:54,124
cum boy,
2072
01:07:54,159 --> 01:07:55,293
we're gonna be late.
2073
01:07:55,327 --> 01:07:57,846
- Helen: Bah-bye.
2074
01:07:58,013 --> 01:08:02,984
#
2075
01:08:03,351 --> 01:08:04,819
- Tiffani: I smell an open bar.
2076
01:08:04,853 --> 01:08:05,987
- Helen: Get me anything
2077
01:08:06,021 --> 01:08:07,155
with a whiskey
2078
01:08:07,189 --> 01:08:08,322
and nothing else.
2079
01:08:08,356 --> 01:08:10,457
- Zack: Oh good, you came.
2080
01:08:11,493 --> 01:08:12,960
- Tiffani: Oh my God, I did.
2081
01:08:12,995 --> 01:08:14,128
- Casey: Zack, I...
2082
01:08:14,163 --> 01:08:15,296
- Zack: Here's the stuff
2083
01:08:15,330 --> 01:08:16,463
you need to say.
2084
01:08:16,498 --> 01:08:17,631
Don't bomb.
2085
01:08:17,666 --> 01:08:18,800
- Tiffani: What's a "ligabut?"
2086
01:08:18,834 --> 01:08:20,134
- Zack: That's LGBT.
2087
01:08:20,169 --> 01:08:21,302
- Tiffani: What's that?
2088
01:08:21,336 --> 01:08:22,303
- Zack: Jesus Christ,
2089
01:08:22,337 --> 01:08:23,570
I have to get you
2090
01:08:23,605 --> 01:08:24,571
to the green room.
2091
01:08:24,606 --> 01:08:25,572
- Casey: Zack, wait,
2092
01:08:25,607 --> 01:08:26,573
I came to apologize.
2093
01:08:26,608 --> 01:08:27,574
- Zack: Funny,
2094
01:08:27,609 --> 01:08:28,575
originally you said
2095
01:08:28,610 --> 01:08:29,576
you were coming
2096
01:08:29,611 --> 01:08:30,845
to support the gay community.
2097
01:08:30,879 --> 01:08:32,346
- Casey: You know the gay scene
2098
01:08:32,380 --> 01:08:33,347
isn't really my thing.
2099
01:08:33,381 --> 01:08:34,348
- Zack: You know
2100
01:08:34,382 --> 01:08:35,616
for someone who talks down
2101
01:08:35,650 --> 01:08:37,118
on the gay scene so much,
2102
01:08:37,152 --> 01:08:38,886
you really go out of your way
2103
01:08:38,921 --> 01:08:41,455
to represent the worst of it.
2104
01:08:41,824 --> 01:08:44,792
#
2105
01:08:47,662 --> 01:08:48,896
- Lionel: Blowjob for your thoughts?
2106
01:08:48,931 --> 01:08:50,164
- Zack: What do you want?
2107
01:08:50,199 --> 01:08:51,665
- Lionel: Come on, all I did
2108
01:08:51,700 --> 01:08:52,934
was prove that the guy
2109
01:08:52,968 --> 01:08:54,202
you thought was your friend
2110
01:08:54,236 --> 01:08:55,469
is just a big phony.
2111
01:08:55,503 --> 01:08:56,470
You should be happy.
2112
01:08:56,504 --> 01:08:57,471
- Zack: You thought
2113
01:08:57,505 --> 01:08:58,973
that sending me your sex video
2114
01:08:59,007 --> 01:08:59,974
would make me happy?
2115
01:09:00,008 --> 01:09:01,475
- Lionel: I had to do something
2116
01:09:01,509 --> 01:09:02,476
to keep you apart.
2117
01:09:02,510 --> 01:09:03,477
- Zack: Why?
2118
01:09:03,511 --> 01:09:04,478
- Lionel: You know why.
2119
01:09:04,512 --> 01:09:05,479
- Zack: Say it.
2120
01:09:05,513 --> 01:09:06,747
- Lionel: I was jealous, alright?
2121
01:09:06,781 --> 01:09:07,748
- Zack: I knew it.
2122
01:09:07,782 --> 01:09:09,250
- Lionel: And it wasn't just that.
2123
01:09:09,284 --> 01:09:10,251
I could tell
2124
01:09:10,285 --> 01:09:11,518
you were connecting with him.
2125
01:09:11,553 --> 01:09:12,519
I want you back.
2126
01:09:12,554 --> 01:09:13,520
Can you feel
2127
01:09:13,555 --> 01:09:15,022
how badly I want you back?
2128
01:09:15,057 --> 01:09:16,023
- Zack: I don't care
2129
01:09:16,058 --> 01:09:17,024
how hot you are,
2130
01:09:17,059 --> 01:09:18,025
I need more.
2131
01:09:18,060 --> 01:09:19,026
- Lionel: You're so deep.
2132
01:09:19,061 --> 01:09:20,027
- Zack: If it's deep
2133
01:09:20,062 --> 01:09:21,028
to want someone
2134
01:09:21,063 --> 01:09:22,196
who's gonna respect me
2135
01:09:22,231 --> 01:09:23,364
and listen to me
2136
01:09:23,398 --> 01:09:24,866
and inspire me to do things
2137
01:09:24,900 --> 01:09:26,367
that I'd never thought I'd do.
2138
01:09:26,401 --> 01:09:27,534
Then yeah, I'm deep.
2139
01:09:27,569 --> 01:09:29,036
And you're too shallow for me.
2140
01:09:29,071 --> 01:09:30,304
- Lionel: Good luck raising money
2141
01:09:30,339 --> 01:09:31,472
for your charity
2142
01:09:31,506 --> 01:09:32,740
without auctioning off my ass
2143
01:09:32,774 --> 01:09:33,908
and my friend's asses.
2144
01:09:33,942 --> 01:09:35,076
- Zack: You wouldn't,
2145
01:09:35,110 --> 01:09:36,577
this is for the community.
2146
01:09:36,611 --> 01:09:37,745
- Lionel: Fuck the community.
2147
01:09:37,779 --> 01:09:39,747
- Zack: Lionel!
2148
01:09:42,117 --> 01:09:44,085
- Tiffani: Hello, hello queers
2149
01:09:44,119 --> 01:09:46,754
and wannabes.
2150
01:09:46,788 --> 01:09:48,089
Welcome to the tenth
2151
01:09:48,123 --> 01:09:50,758
annual male sale.
2152
01:09:50,792 --> 01:09:51,926
Tenth?
2153
01:09:51,960 --> 01:09:53,094
I didn't think
2154
01:09:53,128 --> 01:09:54,595
a gay could commit to anything
2155
01:09:54,629 --> 01:09:56,597
for that long.
2156
01:09:56,631 --> 01:09:57,932
I'm Tiffani,
2157
01:09:57,966 --> 01:10:00,601
your mattress of ceremonies.
2158
01:10:00,635 --> 01:10:02,603
- Man: I love that drag queen.
2159
01:10:02,971 --> 01:10:05,106
[laughing]
2160
01:10:05,473 --> 01:10:08,442
- Casey: Zack, I'm sorry, I...
2161
01:10:12,814 --> 01:10:13,781
- Zack: Now's your chance
2162
01:10:13,815 --> 01:10:15,049
to prove you're really here
2163
01:10:15,083 --> 01:10:16,050
to support the community.
2164
01:10:16,084 --> 01:10:17,051
- Casey: What?
2165
01:10:17,085 --> 01:10:18,319
- Zack: Lionel and his friends
2166
01:10:18,353 --> 01:10:19,586
dropped out of the auction
2167
01:10:19,621 --> 01:10:20,587
and I need you
2168
01:10:20,622 --> 01:10:21,855
and the strip master here
2169
01:10:21,890 --> 01:10:23,124
to get in your boxers
2170
01:10:23,158 --> 01:10:24,392
and let me sell you.
2171
01:10:24,426 --> 01:10:26,160
- Casey: Take off my shirt on stage?
2172
01:10:26,194 --> 01:10:27,161
Zack, I'm sorry...
2173
01:10:27,195 --> 01:10:28,429
- Zack: This is more important
2174
01:10:28,463 --> 01:10:29,430
than whoever
2175
01:10:29,464 --> 01:10:30,431
you're sleeping with
2176
01:10:30,465 --> 01:10:31,432
or lying to.
2177
01:10:31,466 --> 01:10:32,433
This money helps support
2178
01:10:32,467 --> 01:10:33,434
the Matthew Shepard
2179
01:10:33,468 --> 01:10:34,435
Youth Program,
2180
01:10:34,469 --> 01:10:35,436
the Matthew Shepard
2181
01:10:35,470 --> 01:10:36,437
reading room,
2182
01:10:36,471 --> 01:10:37,438
the Matthew Shepard hotline
2183
01:10:37,472 --> 01:10:38,439
and the Matthew Shepard
2184
01:10:38,473 --> 01:10:40,441
homeless synchronized swim team.
2185
01:10:42,144 --> 01:10:43,444
- Tiffani: Alright,
2186
01:10:43,478 --> 01:10:44,778
finally let's get
2187
01:10:44,813 --> 01:10:47,781
to the prostituting.
2188
01:10:47,816 --> 01:10:50,284
Auctioning.
2189
01:10:50,319 --> 01:10:52,786
Bring out the meat.
2190
01:10:52,821 --> 01:10:54,521
For our first stud
2191
01:10:54,556 --> 01:10:58,192
we have Lionel!
2192
01:11:02,897 --> 01:11:05,199
Casey!
2193
01:11:05,233 --> 01:11:06,367
- Helen: Woo, Casey!
2194
01:11:06,401 --> 01:11:07,868
You go boy!
2195
01:11:07,902 --> 01:11:09,036
- Tiffani: Look at his
2196
01:11:09,071 --> 01:11:12,706
rippling muscles and sexy...
2197
01:11:12,740 --> 01:11:13,874
I'm sorry,
2198
01:11:13,908 --> 01:11:15,142
this was for the guy
2199
01:11:15,177 --> 01:11:17,278
we were supposed to have.
2200
01:11:18,981 --> 01:11:23,951
Look at his...personality.
2201
01:11:23,986 --> 01:11:26,120
Casey is an out of towner
2202
01:11:26,154 --> 01:11:27,288
that enjoys
2203
01:11:27,322 --> 01:11:29,290
cruising online for Zack,
2204
01:11:29,324 --> 01:11:30,624
talking about Zack,
2205
01:11:30,658 --> 01:11:33,794
and working at Nail Me Salon.
2206
01:11:33,828 --> 01:11:34,962
Located at
2207
01:11:34,997 --> 01:11:36,464
4255 Hawthorne Lane,
2208
01:11:36,498 --> 01:11:38,466
call for an appointment.
2209
01:11:38,500 --> 01:11:41,135
Take off your shirt!
2210
01:11:41,169 --> 01:11:44,638
Ok, now we're talking.
2211
01:11:44,672 --> 01:11:46,374
Have you ever seen
2212
01:11:46,408 --> 01:11:50,378
such white flesh.
2213
01:11:50,412 --> 01:11:51,545
Ok, let's get
2214
01:11:51,579 --> 01:11:52,713
the bidding started.
2215
01:11:52,747 --> 01:11:53,881
Who's gonna be first?
2216
01:11:53,915 --> 01:11:55,049
50 dollars,
2217
01:11:55,083 --> 01:11:56,550
we got a 50 dollar bid,
2218
01:11:56,584 --> 01:11:57,718
who's gonna give me
2219
01:11:57,752 --> 01:12:00,054
a 50 dollar bid?
2220
01:12:00,088 --> 01:12:01,222
- Man 1: 10 dollars!
2221
01:12:01,256 --> 01:12:02,490
- Tiffani: Bidding starts at 50,
2222
01:12:02,524 --> 01:12:03,657
bitches.
2223
01:12:03,691 --> 01:12:04,658
- Man 2: 11!
2224
01:12:04,692 --> 01:12:05,926
- Tiffani: Take off your pants.
2225
01:12:05,960 --> 01:12:06,927
- Casey: What?
2226
01:12:06,961 --> 01:12:08,929
- Tiffani: We are desperate here.
2227
01:12:08,963 --> 01:12:10,097
And while
2228
01:12:10,132 --> 01:12:11,098
you're stripping down
2229
01:12:11,133 --> 01:12:12,266
to your beautiful
2230
01:12:12,300 --> 01:12:13,434
Andrew Christian briefs,
2231
01:12:13,468 --> 01:12:14,701
why don't you tell us
2232
01:12:14,736 --> 01:12:17,871
what the Matthew Sh'PARD program
2233
01:12:17,906 --> 01:12:19,173
at the center
2234
01:12:19,207 --> 01:12:21,675
means to you.
2235
01:12:36,058 --> 01:12:37,525
- Casey: I used to think
2236
01:12:37,559 --> 01:12:39,026
the center didn't apply to me
2237
01:12:39,061 --> 01:12:40,194
at all.
2238
01:12:40,228 --> 01:12:41,529
I thought it was
2239
01:12:41,563 --> 01:12:43,531
just a bunch of old guys
2240
01:12:43,565 --> 01:12:46,367
looking to get their rocks off.
2241
01:12:46,401 --> 01:12:48,369
But a friend
2242
01:12:48,403 --> 01:12:50,204
forced me to volunteer here
2243
01:12:50,238 --> 01:12:51,372
where I met
2244
01:12:51,406 --> 01:12:54,542
one of these old guys
2245
01:12:54,576 --> 01:12:58,045
face to face.
2246
01:12:58,080 --> 01:13:00,714
Boy, was I wrong.
2247
01:13:00,748 --> 01:13:02,550
He was a caring person,
2248
01:13:02,584 --> 01:13:03,717
emptying his wallet
2249
01:13:03,751 --> 01:13:04,885
and busting his ass
2250
01:13:04,919 --> 01:13:06,053
to make sure
2251
01:13:06,088 --> 01:13:07,221
that people like me
2252
01:13:07,255 --> 01:13:08,389
don't have to go
2253
01:13:08,423 --> 01:13:09,557
through the shit
2254
01:13:09,591 --> 01:13:11,058
that people like him had to.
2255
01:13:11,093 --> 01:13:12,226
And he's just
2256
01:13:12,260 --> 01:13:13,994
one of the dozens of people here
2257
01:13:14,028 --> 01:13:15,162
trying to help
2258
01:13:15,197 --> 01:13:18,665
thousands of kids like me.
2259
01:13:18,700 --> 01:13:20,167
I started this summer
2260
01:13:20,202 --> 01:13:23,337
feeling at odds
2261
01:13:23,371 --> 01:13:25,172
with the gay community
2262
01:13:25,207 --> 01:13:28,509
but now
2263
01:13:28,543 --> 01:13:30,010
I look out at your faces
2264
01:13:30,044 --> 01:13:33,514
and I see a friend
2265
01:13:33,548 --> 01:13:34,681
who will do anything
2266
01:13:34,716 --> 01:13:35,849
to protect the people
2267
01:13:35,883 --> 01:13:37,518
close to her.
2268
01:13:37,552 --> 01:13:38,685
An example for me
2269
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:41,355
to aspire to.
2270
01:13:41,389 --> 01:13:44,858
A bitch when you need one.
2271
01:13:44,892 --> 01:13:46,193
A family
2272
01:13:46,228 --> 01:13:47,694
that won't let you fail
2273
01:13:47,729 --> 01:13:48,862
even when you've
2274
01:13:48,896 --> 01:13:51,865
already given up on yourself.
2275
01:13:51,899 --> 01:13:53,033
And a leader,
2276
01:13:53,067 --> 01:13:54,301
who can change the way
2277
01:13:54,336 --> 01:13:55,469
we see each other
2278
01:13:55,504 --> 01:13:56,637
and teach us
2279
01:13:56,671 --> 01:13:57,804
about the things
2280
01:13:57,839 --> 01:13:59,540
that really matter.
2281
01:14:01,075 --> 01:14:03,877
And I couldn't be prouder
2282
01:14:03,911 --> 01:14:05,379
to be a part of this.
2283
01:14:05,413 --> 01:14:06,547
- Man 1: 100 dollars.
2284
01:14:06,581 --> 01:14:08,048
- Man 2: 200 dollars.
2285
01:14:08,082 --> 01:14:10,050
- Man 3: 500 dollars.
2286
01:14:11,085 --> 01:14:12,386
- Tiffani: This is an
2287
01:14:12,420 --> 01:14:15,722
unexpected surprise.
2288
01:14:15,757 --> 01:14:17,724
500 dollars,
2289
01:14:17,759 --> 01:14:19,226
we have a 500 dollar bid,
2290
01:14:19,261 --> 01:14:21,228
who's gonna give me 600?
2291
01:14:21,263 --> 01:14:24,231
- Zack: 3,200 dollars.
2292
01:14:24,266 --> 01:14:26,567
- Tiffani: What?
2293
01:14:27,602 --> 01:14:31,071
- Zack: 3,200 dollars.
2294
01:14:31,105 --> 01:14:32,573
- Tiffani: Not to be rude
2295
01:14:32,607 --> 01:14:33,740
or anything but,
2296
01:14:33,775 --> 01:14:34,908
bitch, do you have
2297
01:14:34,942 --> 01:14:36,076
that kind of money?
2298
01:14:36,110 --> 01:14:37,411
- Casey: That's your Italy money.
2299
01:14:37,445 --> 01:14:39,413
- Zack: I don't need to go to Italy
2300
01:14:39,447 --> 01:14:41,081
for romance.
2301
01:14:41,115 --> 01:14:43,417
- Tiffani: Sold!
2302
01:14:43,785 --> 01:14:55,095
[clapping]
2303
01:14:55,797 --> 01:14:57,931
- Helen: Look at that sweet smile,
2304
01:14:57,965 --> 01:15:01,101
you're precious.
2305
01:15:01,135 --> 01:15:02,936
- Zack: Ryan1989,
2306
01:15:02,970 --> 01:15:04,104
you are way hotter
2307
01:15:04,138 --> 01:15:05,272
than your pic.
2308
01:15:05,307 --> 01:15:08,275
- Casey: I'm so glad I stalked you.
2309
01:15:08,643 --> 01:15:23,790
#
2310
01:15:24,158 --> 01:15:25,392
- Tiffani: It's not as hot
2311
01:15:25,427 --> 01:15:26,560
without your dick
2312
01:15:26,595 --> 01:15:28,028
in the middle.
2313
01:17:28,029 --> 01:17:29,029
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9999
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