All language subtitles for Bob Hearts Abishola s02e08 Honest Yak Prices.eng

Previously
onBob Hearts Abishola...

Your husband is comingto America.
What?

That's a nice dress.

Tayo will like it.

It's not for him.

I just grabbed any old thing
from the closet.

Well, your old thing has
a tag from Nordstrom's.

I did not want him to come here.

Ah, a father
must see his son.

Would you rather they eat
at the Home of the Whopper?

E kaabo,Dad.

Look at you. [chuckles]

You are a man now.

Abishola, you look beautiful.

This dress is old.I look the same.

Whatever your side of the
story is, you've been gone

for eight years.

She's with me now.

She's moved on.

I will be taking herback to Nigeria.

It is time for youto move on.

This chin chinis terrible today.

And yet you eat them as if
they are going to run away.

Ah. Terrible chin chinis still chin chin.

I see you are enjoyingmy daughter's cooking, Uncle.

Oh, yes, like they were made
with God's fingers.

Great service,
Pastor.

You really gave Satan
a run for his money.

Thank you, Bob.

Yeah, the way you jump around,

sweating, screaming at people.

It's like
if Jesus taught a spin class.

I acceptyour blasphemous compliment.

Uh, listen, uh, can I
talk to you for a second?

Of course.

I don't know if you know, but
Abishola and I are engaged.

Yes, I am aware of this.

Well, technically she's still
married to Tayo Adebambo.

And I am also aware of this.

[chuckles] Well, I guess you
only work one day a week,

you got plenty of
time for gossip.

That was a joke.
It's-it's a bad joke.

Listen, you're from Nigeria.Mm-hmm.

Do you think you could pull
any strings over there

or over here or,
you know, up there?

Bob, Colossians,chapter three, verse 18 says,

"Wives, submit to your husbands,as is fitting in the Lord."

I appreciate your support,
but you've met Abishola.

She's not exactly
the submitting type.

I'm sorry, Bob.I don't think you understand.

Abishola belongswith Tayo, her husband.

Yeah, but what do you know?

I'm sorry I
took so long.

What is going on?

Apparently

your pastor here is Team Tayo.

I am Team God, but, yes,God is Team Tayo. [laughs]

I have spokento your husband,

and he does not wishto divorce you.

You spoke to Tayo?

He came to me for counsel.

When? 'Cause I tried
to call you Thursday,

and I got sent
to a stupid prayer line.

Tayo believes that you can getpast this misunderstanding.

Misunderstanding?
He abandoned her.

Bob.No. I guess when
you sent him out for groceries,

he thought you said, "Go back toNigeria and take a second wife."

It's your classic mix-up.

Bob, please.

Thank you for taking
the time to speak to us.

We will see you next Sunday.

Yes, of course,
Pastor. Goodbye.

You're just gonna let himoff the hook like that?

Oh, he's not off the hook.

He will no longer bein my nightly prayers.

Oh, you are vicious.

["Ifanla" by Sola Akingbola
playing]

I'm just saying,if you change your phone number,

Tayo will neverbe able to call you.

Can we go ten minutes
without bringing him up?

I'd love to go my whole life
without bringing him up.

But first we got to figure
out how to get rid of him.

No, I need to figure out whymy new phone needs five Gs,

when I barely usethe Gs I have.

Hello. I'm Kevin.Can I help you today?

Yes, I would like a new,inexpensive phone.

Tap your number in here,we can get you all set up.

Would you like to lookat our latest...?

No.Okay.

Uh, so the account'sunder a Mr. Adebambo. "Tay-o"?

"Tie-o"?Am I saying that right?

You're saying it enough.

You're still on
his phone plan?

It saves moneywhen Dele talks to him.

I see.

Bob, that's all that it is.

Well, what if you
join my family plan?

I don't know that we can beon your family plan

if we're not family.

But we will be.

[singsongy]:
But we will be.

Yes, we will.I don't knowif this helps, but

you don't have to be familyto be on a family plan.

You could just be friends.

Doesn't help, Kevin.

I told you this was notgoing to be easy.

I understand.
I just feel like

I'm the only one
fighting for us.

Just because I do not screamat my pastor or make a scene

at a cell phone storedoes not mean I'm not fighting.

I'm not making a scene.

Am I making a scene, Kevin?Uh...

Oh, now you got
nothing to say.

Kevin, I do not want friends,I do not want family.

I want my own plan.

It's gonna cost a little extra.

I do not care.I will pay it.

Wow. You really are mad.

EBUNOLUWA:
Hello? Hello? Who is it?

E karo,Mommy. It's me.
My name is on the screen.

Oh, Abishola.

I think you need
to adjust your camera.

I can only see your hair.

It must be a problem
with your computer.

My computer is fine.

Are you talking back to me?

Sorry, Mommy.
Your hair looks nice.

I have a new girl
doing my wigs.

The old one was using yak hair
and charging human hair prices.

Uh, Mommy, I wanted
to talk to you about Tayo.

Ah. I have heard all about it.

Well done.

Well done?

Getting engaged to force Tayo
to come back for you.

Very clever.

No, I still want to marry Bob.

Don't be stupid.

You already have a husband,

and you two
are very happy together.

But we are not.

But I have told people you are.

Why?To protect your reputation.

My reputation is fine.

Because of my lies.

[knocking]

You wanted to see us?

Yeah. Come on in.
Shut the door. Have a seat.

Listen, we've got a situation.

Is this about the
vending machine?

It gave me double Cheetos.
There was nothing I could do.

This isn't about work.

We need to talk

to you as friends of the family.

Oh. Okay.

Please proceed.CHRISTINA:
As you know,

Abishola's husband is
causing some issues.

The dude can't take a hint.

She's the best thing
that ever happened to Bob,

to us,
and-and we can't lose her.

From what I understand,

her husband will never
grant her a divorce.

Exactly. So what are we gonna do
about it?

We?You guys are Nigerian.

You know how this stuff works.
What can we do?

Legally?DOUGLAS:
Or...

...illegally.

Put your vest on.

Take it easy. We're just

trying to help out
Bob and Abishola.

I think my solution
still has some merit.

Knock it off with
that cockamamie idea.

Maybe we should let
the Nigerians decide

what's cockamamie.

Fine.

Goodwin, Kofo,
as you know,

Nigerians are a noble,

honorable people
with high moral standards.

We'd like to exploit that.

Operation Secret Stork
is a two-part process.

Abishola pretends to be pregnant
with Bob's child.

We get a phony pee stick,

counterfeit sonograms,
the works.

And Tayo, so disgusted
by his wife's sins of the flesh,

demands a divorce.

Thoughts?

Kofo?

No, you go right ahead.

So, you would destroy
this woman's reputation

and standing
within her family and community?

Yes.

But she'd have us.

Kofo?

I-I think what Goodwin
is trying to say is,

while your heart is
in the right place,

your actions are
beyond reprehensible.

See? Cockamamie!

Okay, but if we took out

the morality, put it in a box,

buried that box
in a little shame hole,

would the plan work?

I suppose in theory

it could, but...Thank you!

But her family may never
speak to her again.

Well, that will be okay,
because she's our family now!

When my son
sat me down,

I thought he was gonna tell
me he was gay or Republican.

Which one is he?

Neither. He's in love.

With a man?

No, with a woman.

Ugh. Boring.

Tell your son not
to rush into marriage.

He will end up disappointed,
feeling foolish,

and most likely alone.

Who tinkled on your toast?

Tayo. He left a trail
of tinkle all around Detroit.

It was stupid of me
to think this could work.

Why'd I say yes?

Why did I give Bob hope?

[laughs]
Sorry, you said "Bob Hope."

Yes. She has given Bob hope.

And soon Bob's hope
will be dead.

[laughs]:
He already is. Get it?

Never mind, never mind.

Bob does not understand.

No matter what we do,

Tayo is not going
to change his mind.

Of course he's not.

He's that stubborn?
Is he a Taurus?

He's Nigerian.

And a Taurus.

Nigerians can be
very headstrong.

And vindictive.

I had a friend
whose cousin stole

her recipes and opened
a successful catering business.

My friend then sent her cousin
a tainted box of cilantro,

which gave all of her clients
violent dysentery.

Damn.

Wait, doesn't your cousin
have a catering business?

Not anymore.

Bob.

Kaale,Tayo.
I'd like to introduce you

to my attorney
Arnie Goldfischer.

Pleasure.

What's going on?

I tried playing this
the Nigerian way,

but now we're gonna play it
the American way.

Whoever has
the most expensive lawyer wins.

And I'm very expensive.

How did you know
I would be here?

Took a wild guess.

We also came yesterday--
you never showed up.

Oh, I love this soup.
It's very spicy.

Cleared me right out,
but in a good way.

Do you mind?

Sorry. Um...

[clears throat]
Listen...

Mr. Adebambo,

my client is ready to go
to great lengths

to acquire the legal
documentation from Nigeria

to render your marriage

to Mrs. Abishola Adebambo
null and void.

We're not messing around, Tayo.

We're willing to do
whatever it takes.

[scoffs softly]
I see. Well,

perhaps you will be needing
to speak with mylawyer

Kitoye Afolabe.

[clearing throat loudly]

Spicy?

No, he's a good lawyer.

You know him?He's presented at
international court.

Everyone knows Afolabe.

Perhaps this will not be
as easy as you thought.

Okay, okay,
so we both have bigwig lawyers.

No, his is bigger. Literally.

You know, they wear
those powdered wigs.

I think it's left over
from the English?

It is.

Maybe you should try
dipping your fufu in there.

All right, listen!

Nobody wants us
to spend a bunch of money

tying this up in court.

[coughing]

That time it was spicy.

The point is,
maybe we can try something else.

How much would it take
for you to just let her go?

[chuckles]

So you are trying to bribe me
into leaving my wife?

What's the big deal?
First time you did it for free.

Let me ask you something, Bob.

How much would it cost for you
to leave Abishola?

You don't have
that kind of money, pal.

Ah...

so you do have a number.

Because I do not.

No, I-I don't have
a number either.

But you see a Black man
and assume that

you can just buy him off.Okay.

Hold on, this isn't
a race thing.

If you were white, I'd still be
trying to buy you off.

I'll buy off the lawyer,
the judge, whatever it takes.

What?!

Okay, evidently I should not
have said any of that.

This isn't over.
Not by a long shot.

We'll go to international court.

Do you know any
Nigerian lawyers?

No.Well, we'll find one.

And if we have to go
there, we'll go there.

We'll make a trip out of it.

We'll have to find
different accommodations.

My family will not allow us
in their homes.

Really?Really, but I do not care.

I do not need my family
or my church's blessings.

We're going to fight this even
if it takes years and years.

Damn right.

Or... we could
just be happy.

What?

You're here with me,
and I'm here with you.

What are we fighting for?
We already won.

[sighs]

But this is important to you.

It is, but it's not
what's most important.

It was going to be
a nice wedding.

Yeah. You would have
made a lovely bride.

And we know I can wear
the hell out of a tux.

Yes, you can.

Uncle Tunde and Dele were
going to walk me down the aisle.

I like that.
That's sweet.

Mm. And there were going
to be so many flowers.

Calla lilies?You remembered.

See? I listen sometimes.

We'd seal the deal
with a buffet

so people could stuff
themself on fufu.

No buffet.
Really?

Uh-uh.

This is a wedding,
not a Sizzler.

[chuckles]

Sit-down, served dinner.

Deal.

Well, we may not
have a wedding,

but I found our song.

I am not dancing
to your Bob Seger.

I understand why
you'd say that,

but it's something else.

["Love Don't Care"
by Simi playing]

♪ Love don't care
who you be... ♪

I like this, but this would nothave been my first choice.No?

You wanted that
Bob Seger, huh?

♪ Love don't care who you know

♪ Watin you get, oh

♪ Love don't care at all.

Are you sure I need
to come every week?

It is important for us
to show we have

nothing to be ashamed of.I mean, I got plenty
to be ashamed of.

You know I used to smoke cigars
and wear a little porkpie hat?

It's a joke. When I'm
anxious, I make jokes.

I cannot believe I agreed
to not marry you.

[Tayo speaking Yoruba]

[laughter]

How long is he
gonna be here?

Too long. Dele, come.

We're going to
get our seats.

What was he saying?

I don't know. I waspretending to understand.[chuckles]

I'm about to do a lot
of that right in here.

E karo,Uncle Tunde,
Auntie Olu.

So good to see you
on this fine morning.

I see that you
are still here. [scoffs]

Where else would I be?

In Nigeria, with
your second family.

I'm sure they miss you.[chuckles]

Yes, well, I have family
here, too.

Really? Oh, I would
love to meet them.

Is there something wrong?

Nothing is wrong.

Tunde, remind me,

where was he eight years ago?

Not here.

What about two years ago?

Still not here.

But this year,
Abishola found Bob,

a man she loves.

And poof! Here he is.

You are like a child
who has discarded a toy

and then begins
whining for it

when another child
shows interest.

Like a baby-baby, who has
stuck his head in gravy.

I appreciate your guidance,

but Abishola and I
have a son together.

And what sort of an example
are you setting for him?

I am showing him he should
go after what he wants.

Even if what he wants
does not want him?

You are making me seem
desperate.

Youare making you
seem desperate.

Well, there are plenty
of women who would love

to be with a successful
man like me.

Then maybe you should go wait
for them at their church.

Oh, my wonderful wife,

you have castrated
him with your words.

Snip, snip.

I just do not understand
what made him send this text.

Let me see it.

"You've changed...

"Many women want me...

I can do a hundred push-ups."

Is that a text from Tayo?

Yes. I believe he no longer
wants to be married to me.

Ah.

So he just suddenly
changed his mind?

What an unexpected
turn of events.

It is very odd. Nigerians
do not change their minds.

I'll bet you I scared him
off with Goldfischer.

It was not a goldfish.Uh-uh.

God must have heard
your prayers.

And sent an angel
to whisper in Tayo's ear.

So we're actually
doing this.

You're gonna be
Mrs. Abishola Wheeler.

Mm. Or you could
take my family name

and be Bob Odegbami.

Ode-bami?

Odegbami.

Ode-bami.

Odegbami.

All right, if I can't
say it, we can't do it.

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