Original subtitles

[ INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER ]

Otis: THIS WAS THE NEIGHBORHOOD THAT HE LIVED IN.

HE WOULD DRIVE AROUND, AND HE WOULD SEE HUNDREDS OF WOMEN,

AND THEN HE WOULD SEE ONE IN A CAR

OR ONE COMIN' OUT OF A STORE, AND THAT WOULD BE THE ONE.

YOU THINK OF A SERIAL KILLER,

AND YOU THINK OF WEIRD-LOOKING CRAZY GUYS WITH

GOOGLY EYES AND DROOLING AT THE MOUTH,

AND THAT'S JUST NOT WHAT THEY ARE.

VICKI WEGERLE LIVED RIGHT DOWN THIS STREET,

RIGHT HERE.

IN THAT HOUSE WITH THE BRICK PORCH.

WHEN I INTERVIEWED RADER,

HE TOLD ME THAT HE WAS EATING LUNCH -- WHEN HE FIRST FOUND HER

AS A VICTIM, HE WAS EATING LUNCH IN THIS PARKING LOT.

HE WORKED FOR ADT,

AND HE WOULD OFTEN EAT IN HIS WORK TRUCK.

AND HE WAS IN THIS PARKING LOT EATING HIS LUNCH.

AS HE SET HERE, EATING,

HE COULD HEAR A PIANO PLAYING,

AND VICKI HAD A PIANO IN HER LIVING ROOM.

AND DENNIS RADER HEARD THAT PIANO BEING PLAYED

AT LUNCHTIME,

GOT OUT OF HIS TRUCK, AND WALKED

DOWN THE STREET, CROSSED AND WALKED BACK BY

TO VERIFY WHERE THE PIANO WAS,

AND HE STARTED WATCHING THIS HOUSE MORE AND MORE

AND REALIZED IN HIS -- IN HIS STALKING THAT

THERE WAS A FAMILY THAT LIVED THERE,

BUT THE HUSBAND WOULD LEAVE FOR WORK,

AND HE KNEW WHAT KIND OF WORK TRUCK THE HUSBAND DROVE,

AND THAT'S HOW VICKI BECAME ONE OF HIS TARGETS,

SIMPLY BY PLAYING A PIANO.

Woman: CRIME SCENE TAPE WRAPS AROUND THIS NORMALLY

QUIET STREET IN THIS NORMALLY QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD,

BUT NEIGHBORS WOKE UP THIS MORNING TO THE FACT THAT

A SERIAL KILLER SLEPT NEARBY FOR SO MANY YEARS, AND TO MANY IN

THIS QUIET NEIGHBORHOOD, HE WAS LIVING AN ORDINARY LIFE.

NO ONE EXPECTED

THE KILLER TO BE SUCH AN ORDINARY PERSON.

DENNIS RADER WAS ONE OF FOUR BOYS, UM,

GREW UP IN, BY ALL APPEARANCES, A STABLE FAMILY.

MY DAD HAD JUST GOT HOME FROM, UM, THE AIR FORCE

IN THE SUMMER OF 1970,

AND HE MET MY MOM AT CHRIST LUTHERAN CHURCH.

THEY BOTH SAID IT WAS LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

INITIALLY, RADER'S STALKING CAME FROM WHEN HE WAS IN

THE MILITARY, BECAUSE HE IMAGINED HIMSELF TO BE A SPY.

HE HAD A WHOLE FANTASY AROUND BEING

SORT OF A JAMES BOND TYPE OF CHARACTER.

WHEN HE CAME BACK TO WICHITA, HE'D WALK AROUND IN

PEOPLE'S BACKYARDS,

AND IT MADE ME FEEL VERY POWERFUL THAT HE COULD SEE INTO

THEIR HOUSES AND THINK ABOUT WHAT HE WOULD DO TO WOMEN THAT

HE SAW WHILE THEY'RE COMPLETELY OBLIVIOUS OF HIM OUTSIDE.

AND THAT LED TO HIM BREAKING INTO PEOPLE'S HOMES.

HE COULD TAKE ANYTHING HE WANTED,

DO ANYTHING HE WANTED TO THEM.

ONCE HE KNOWS THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN,

THERE IS REALLY NO STOPPING.

HE WAS SOMEONE WHO MADE

VERY FOCUSED CHOICES TO KEEP TWO PARTS OF HIS LIFE.

VERY SEPARATE.

HE RELISHED BEING A KILLER,

BUT HE ALSO RELISHED BEING SEEN AS A FAMILY MAN.

DAD IS NORMALLY A PRETTY GOOD, STEADY GUY,

BUT THERE WERE TWO TIMES MY FATHER WAS PHYSICALLY

ABUSIVE WITH MY BROTHER.

I REMEMBER ONE TIME, MY BROTHER WAS 21,

AND THEY GOT INTO AN ARGUMENT, AND MY DAD ACTUALLY JUMPED

UP OUT OF HIS CHAIR AND TRIED TO CHOKE MY BROTHER.

SO AT THE TIME, YOU SORT OF JUST EXCUSE

THESE THINGS AS LIKE, HE'S HAVING A BAD DAY.

HE DOESN'T MEAN IT. HE'LL SAY HE'S SORRY LATER.

THAT SORT OF STUFF HAUNTS ME TO REALIZE

WHO WE WERE LIVING WITH,

AND WE HAD NO IDEA.

BUT WE'RE NOT TRYING TO DEFEND WHAT HE DID IN OUR HOUSE.

I'M NOT TRYING TO SAY IT'S OKAY, 'CAUSE IT'S NOT OKAY.

IT'S JUST, AS A FAMILY,

IT SEEMS LIKE YOU JUST SORT OF NORMALIZE THESE THINGS,

AND -- AND MY FAMILY NEVER TALKED ABOUT ANYTHING.

WE WERE, LIKE, WELL-BEHAVED, WELL-DRESSED,

WELL-MANNERED -- LIKE, APPEARANCES WERE IMPORTANT.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO I WOULD HAVE TOLD THAT MY DAD DID THIS.

IN 2004, WHEN HE STARTED HIS BTK COMMUNICATIONS AGAIN,

AS FAR AS WE KNOW, HE WAS DOING

'EM ON WEDNESDAY NIGHTS AT THE KITCHEN TABLE

WHILE MY MOM WAS AT CHOIR AT CHURCH.

MY DAD HAD BEEN, LIKE, COLLECTING STAMPS FROM, LIKE,

THE EARLY '90s.

SO YOU'RE NOT GONNA NOTICE, LIKE, ENVELOPES, TWEEZERS,

EVEN RUBBER GLOVES OUT, BECAUSE HE HAD THAT STUFF

OUT FOR STAMPS.

Narrator: A SEARCH OF RADER'S HOME REVEALS MORE EVIDENCE

AGAINST HIM, INCLUDING TROPHIES FROM HIS MURDERS.

TO FIND OUT, LIKE, THAT JEWELRY THAT BELONGED TO SOME OF

THE WOMEN AND THEIR DRIVER'S LICENSES WERE UNDERNEATH

OUR FLOORBOARDS --

IT IS JUST ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE SURREAL, INSANE MOMENTS.

DENNIS RADER KEPT METICULOUS LOGS OF HIS ACTIVITIES.

HE SAW HIMSELF STALKING WOMEN,

AS CREATING LITTLE PROJECTS.

IN FACT, HE NAMED SEVERAL OF HIS MURDERS "PROJECT."

Woman: RADER EVEN INCLUDED THIS LIST TO POLICE,

IDENTIFYING SOME OF THOSE PROJECTS.

POLICE IDENTIFIED EVERY ONE OF THEM,

AND HAVE TOLD THEM THEY CAUGHT THE EYE OF BTK.

Narrator: RADER TELLS POLICE HE KEPT HIT KITS FOR HIS CRIMES,

BRIEFCASES OR DUFFEL BAGS CONTAINING ROPE AND OTHER TOOLS

TO AID IN HIS KILLS.

IT BECAME CLEAR THAT HE WASN'T THIS MASTER CRIMINAL.

HE HAD DONE A COUPLE THINGS VERY, VERY WELL.

EXCEPT FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF VICTIMS,

HE WAS EXTREMELY RANDOM.

THAT'S WHAT SOLVES MOST MURDER CASES,

IS SOMEBODY USUALLY HAS A REASON

THEY WANT TO KILL SOMEBODY, AND IT'S NOT A GOOD REASON,

BUT IT'S USUALLY A REASON, AND THAT'S HOW YOU CAN CONNECT

THE KILLER TO THE CASE -- MOST UNSOLVED CRIMES,

UH, YOU KNOW, I WOULD SAY,

HAVE A -- HAVE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF RANDOMNESS TO IT,

BECAUSE YOU NEED THAT -- THAT VECTOR TO CONNECT 'EM.

I LEARNED, LIKE, HE ALSO WAS DOING HIS COMMUNICATIONS

IN 2004,

UM, AT HIS OFFICE, LIKE, HE WOULD CALL AND TELL MY MOM

HE WAS STAYING LATE FOR WORK, BUT HE WAS ACTUALLY

WORKING ON BTK COMMUNICATIONS.

I DON'T KNOW THE MAN THAT MURDERED 10 PEOPLE,

INCLUDING TWO CHILDREN, I DON'T KNOW BTK.

IF I KNEW HIM IN THAT WAY, HE WOULDN'T HAVE LEFT ME ALIVE,

I DON'T THINK.

BUT THAT'S SOMETHING I'VE HAD TO WRESTLE WITH.

IF WE HAD FOUND OUT, WOULD WE STILL BE ALIVE?

Narrator: JUST WHEN AUTHORITIES THINK DENNIS RADER CAN'T

INCRIMINATE HIMSELF ANY FURTHER,

HE PROVIDES THEM WITH THE MOST SHOCKING AND HORRIFIC EVIDENCE

OF HIS DEPRAVITY YET.

THAT WAS ALL PART OF IT,

I MEAN, HIS BRAIN WORKED A DIFFERENT WAY.

♪♪

Narrator: UNDER INTERROGATION, DENNIS RADER POINTS TASK FORCE

INVESTIGATORS TO A MASSIVE CATALOG OF HIS CRIMES.

Gouge: HE TOLD US WHERE WE WOULD FIND

WHAT HE DESCRIBED AS THE MOTHER LODE,

EVIDENCE FROM EACH CASE,

AND THAT WOULD BE A FILE CABINET

IN HIS PARK CITY OFFICE.

SO HE HAD CATALOGUED EVERYTHING, COLLECTED

AND SAVED EVIDENCE FROM THE DIFFERENT CASES.

IT WAS JUST JAMMED FULL OF STUFF.

Relph: THIS FILE CABINET WAS RIGHT BESIDE HIS DESK.

THIS IS PRETTY MUCH THE WAY IT WAS.

THIS ISN'T US ORGANIZING -- THIS IS ALL HIM.

HE HAS SEVERAL THREE-RING BINDERS,

BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT ONE IS THIS ONE HERE.

IT IS CALLED THE COMMUNICATION BOOK.

HE HAS CATALOGUED THE COMMUNICATIONS

AS HE SENT 'EM TO US.

Otis: GUYS LIKE THIS, I GUARANTEE HE'S READ

THROUGH THESE, HE'S LOOKED THROUGH THESE BOOKS

HUNDREDS OF TIMES, BECAUSE THAT'S HOW HE

CONTINUED HIS FANTASY WORLD,

AND HE WAS COMFORTABLE WITH IT BEING IN HIS LOCKED OFFICE AT

WORK SO THAT HE WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HAD ACCESS TO IT.

AND HE WAS PRETTY CANTANKEROUS AT WORK,

SO, I MEAN, PEOPLE DIDN'T MESS WITH THIS STUFF,

BECAUSE HE WAS JUST A NA--

HE WAS KIND OF A NASTY GUY AND A VERY UNPLEASANT INDIVIDUAL

BY -- BY ALL ACCOUNTS.

HE WOULD PREPARE A BOOK LIKE THIS, AND THIS IS WHAT

HE'D TAKE -- HE'D SET THIS BESIDE HIM

WHEN HE'S DRIVING AROUND,

AND THIS IS PREPARED FOR JUST SO HE CAN FANTASIZE.

HE TELLS YOU WHERE HE GOT THE PICTURE.

HE HAS THE PICTURE AND HOW HE'S NAMED THE PERSON.

AND SOME OF THESE, HE WOULD ACTUALLY LICK.

AND HE'D HAVE THIS SETTIN' BESIDE HIM, AND HE'D DRIVE

AROUND AT WORK -- THIS MODEL HERE IS, UM,

MAY I WRAP SPARKY IN YOUR HAIR?

HE WOULD SAY, I HAVE -- I HAVE, LIKE,

BECKY WITH ME TODAY, AND HE WOULD HAVE

A NOTEBOOK LIKE THIS WITH JUST THREE PAGES IN IT.

THIS IS WHAT HE WOULD CARRY -- WHAT HE'D CARRY DURING WORK

HOURS AND FANTASIZE ABOUT -- ABOUT THAT.

THESE TWO NOTEBOOKS HERE ARE ALL FULL OF MODERN

AND IN MODERN TIME, I MEAN THE MODERN INVESTIGATION,

THE 2004 INVESTIGATION,

BUT ALSO, THEY GO WAY BACK TO

DOLORES DAVIS AND THE OTERO CASE.

Relph: AND HE'S MADE MULTIPLE FLASH CARDS OF,

UH, DIFFERENT KINDS OF TORTURE.

OBVIOUSLY, WOMEN IN BINDING HAS ALWAYS

BEEN A HUGE PART OF HIS FANTASY.

THESE ARE ALL SHRUNK DOWN FROM THIS WHOLE PIECE

OF PAPER HERE, AND HE EITHER TAPED OR GLUE-STICKED

TO THE -- TO THE ACTUAL INDEX CARD.

Peters: HE WOULD HAVE ADVERTISEMENTS FROM MAGAZINES

OR CATALOGS OF WOMEN FROM MAGAZINES

HE CARRIED AROUND WITH HIM AND CALLED THEM SLICK ADS --

SLICK ADS.

HE EVEN GETS A THRILL OUT OF PICTURES OF WOMEN IN BRAS?

Relph: NONE OF THIS IS EMBARRASSING OR --

THIS IS ALL ENTERTAINMENT.

THESE ARE ALL THINGS THAT MAKE HIM FEEL GOOD.

HE WOULD SAVE BOOKS,

AND HE -- AND HE WOULD ACTUALLY PUT LITTLE

POST-IT NOTES WHERE THE BOOKS WOULD -- WOULD MENTION HIM.

HE HAD PHOTOS OF HIMSELF.

HIS POLAROID HAD A REMOTE CONTROL,

SO HE COULD TAKE HIS OWN PICTURE.

[ FLASHBULBS POPPING ]

HE WAS TAKING THE 1970s AND '80s VERSION OF SELFIES.

HE TOOK PICTURES OF HIMSELF,

UM, HANGING FROM THE SEWER PIPE

IN HIS OWN BASEMENT OR HIS MOTHER'S BASEMENT.

HANGING FROM TREES, BEING BURIED IN THE GROUND.

A LOT OF PICTURES OUTSIDE.

THE ONES OUTSIDE, HE SAID HE DID

WHILE ON SCOUT TRIPS.

Otis: THE DELORES DAVIS MASK,

WE BEGAN TO SEE IN SOME OF HIS POLAROID PICTURES

THAT HE WOULD WEAR DURING HIS SELF-BONDAGE.

AND YOU CAN SEE IN THESE PHOTOS,

HE DRESSES IN WOMEN'S CLOTHING.

IN FACT, THERE ARE SOME IN HERE WHERE HE WAS ACTUALLY DRESSED

IN ONE OF HIS VICTIM'S CLOTHING

THAT SHE WAS WEARING WHEN HE KILLED HER.

THE BONDAGE HE USED ON HIS OWN VICTIMS

UM, THROUGH THE YEARS, UM,

WAS PATTERNED AFTER WHAT HE LIKED TO DO TO HIMSELF,

OR VICE VERSA.

BUT YOU CAN SEE IN SOME OF THESE

SOME TYPE OF BONDAGE ABOVE THE KNEES.

IT REALLY DOESN'T SERVE ANY PURPOSE

TO TIE SOMEONE UP SIMPLY ABOVE THE KNEES.

THEY CAN STILL KICK AND RUN AND TRY TO GET AWAY.

BUT THIS WAS A SIGNATURE, AND HE LIKED THAT.

HE LIKED TO SEE IT.

HE LIKED TO SEE IT ON HIS VICTIMS.

HE LIKED TO SEE IT ON HIMSELF.

[ FLASHBULB POPPING ]

Gouge: BUT THESE ARE WHAT HE WOULD CALL HOTEL ROOM PARTIES.

HE WOULD GET TO A HOTEL ROOM,

AND THEN HE WOULD CLEAR OUT THE WHOLE AREA.

HE WOULD SET UP DOLLS.

HE WOULD SET UP THESE DISPLAY OF MAGAZINES.

HE HAD ALL OF THESE SEXUAL ISSUES.

ALL OF THE THINGS THAT WE FOUND WERE JUST DISGUSTING.

DENNIS RADER, UNLIKE MOST SERIAL KILLERS,

USED ROLE MODELS.

HE STARTED, AS A TEENAGER, TO BECOME FASCINATED WITH TRUE

DETECTIVE MAGAZINES, AND ONE OF THE EARLY ONES

FEATURED PHOTOGRAPHS OF MODELS WHO HAD BEEN TIED UP BY

A SERIAL KILLER NAMED HARVEY GLATMAN.

AND BECAUSE THEY'D BEEN BOUND WITH ROPE,

WHICH WAS A SEXUAL FETISH THAT WAS DEVELOPING FOR RADER AT

THE TIME, UM, THIS CAUGHT HIS ATTENTION.

IF SOMETHING IS VERY AROUSING AND MAKES YOU FEEL ALIVE,

THAT THING IS -- YOU'RE GOING TO WANT TO REPEAT THAT OVER

AND OVER IN MORE AND MORE INTENSE SITUATIONS.

AND THEN THE KILLING, IN PART, WAS TO ELIMINATE WITNESSES.

Otis: HE WANTED TO KNOW WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID,

WHAT CAUSED HIM TO BE THE WAY HE WAS.

BUT IT WASN'T OUT OF REMORSE. HE JUST WANTED TO KNOW.

HE'S NEVER HONESTLY SHOWN ANY REMORSE.

I THINK REMORSE TO HIM IS A CONCEPT.

I DON'T THINK IT'S A REALITY.

Otis: ANY INVESTIGATOR IN THE UNITED STATES

THAT HAS TO DEAL WITH A CASE LIKE THIS

WILL TELL YOU, IT STICKS WITH YOU FOREVER.

♪♪

Narrator: DENNIS RADER'S MOTHER LODE OF EVIDENCE

AGAINST HIMSELF CONTINUES TO SHOCK INVESTIGATORS.

ONE OF THE MOST DISTURBING THINGS THAT WAS FOUND WAS

PHOTOGRAPHS THAT HE TOOK OF VICTIMS,

ESPECIALLY THE ONES OF -- OF MARINE HEDGE.

HE TOOK MRS. HEDGE'S BODY TO OUR CHURCH,

AND THEN, UH, DRESSED HER UP AND TOOK POLAROIDS OF HER.

THAT WAS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO HEAR.

THERE'S MARINE HEDGE, AND SHE'S WEARING HIGH HEELS

AND A GARTER BELT,

AND -- AND IN ANOTHER PICTURE, SHE'S IN A DIFFERENT POSE.

Davis: WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN TO PIOUSLY PRETEND

EVERY SUNDAY THAT YOU'RE THIS EXAMPLE OF CHRISTIANITY?

YOU CAN BE THE WORST FORM OF SOCIAL SEWAGE THAT EVER

CREPT OUT FROM UNDER A ROCK.

BUNDY DIDN'T STOOP THAT LOW.

GACY DIDN'T -- YOU NAME THEM, I DON'T KNOW ANY THAT TOOK IT

SO FAR AS TO STICK THEIR FIST IN GOD'S FACE AND SAY,

HEY, LOOK AT THIS, SEE HOW FUNNY I AM?

HM.

AND I REMEMBER BEING SCARED AFTER MRS. HEDGE WENT MISSING

AND WAS MURDERED, AND AGAIN, HIM SAYING, "IT'S OKAY,

KERRI, YOU'RE SAFE."

Kelly: AT THE TIME THAT BTK WAS ACTIVE,

THE CONVENTIONAL WISDOM WAS THAT SERIAL KILLERS CAN'T STOP,

BUT THERE WERE LONG PERIODS OF TIME

WHERE HE WASN'T HEARD FROM.

LOOKING BACK, IT IS EASY TO SEE THAT THE TIMELINE

MATCHES UP WITH THE BIRTHS OF HIS TWO CHILDREN.

HE APPARENTLY JUST HAD HIS HANDS FULL

AS THE FATHER TWO YOUNG CHILDREN.

Otis: DENNIS RADER'S SON WAS IN THE NAVY

AT THE TIME OF DENNIS'S ARREST.

I ASKED HIM, "WAS THERE EVER A TIME WHERE

"YOUR FATHER WOULD SEE A REALLY PRETTY GIRL

"WALK BY AND SAY, 'HEY,

SON, THAT'S A BEAUTIFUL GIRL OR LOOK AT HER CHEST,'"

AND HE LOOKED AT ME, AND HE SAID, "DETECTIVE,

"NOT ONLY DID MY FATHER NEVER SAY THAT,

"BUT HAD I SAID IT, HE'D HAVE PUNCHED ME RIGHT IN THE MOUTH.

HE HAS NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR WOMEN."

Hatteberg: HE HAD SO MANY ASPECTS TO HIS LIFE.

JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU'VE HEARD EVERYTHING,

YOU HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING.

THAT WAS THE THING ABOUT BTK.

THAT WAS THE THING ABOUT DENNIS RADER.

HE WAS KIND OF THE GIFT THAT JUST KEPT ON GIVING,

BUT WHAT HE GAVE, NOBODY WANTED.

Ramsland: RADER HAS CALLED HIMSELF A NARCISSIST,

BUT IT'S FUNNY, BECAUSE IT DEPENDS

ON WHICH SIDE OF THE CUBE HE'S ON

WHEN YOU ASK HIM A QUESTION.

SO IF YOU WANTED TO ASK HIM IF HE,

YOU KNOW, PRAYED AND BELIEVED IN GOD,

IF HE WAS IN THE MOOD TO SAY YES,

THEN HE WOULD, BUT THERE WOULD BE DAYS WHERE HE'D, LIKE,

THAT DOESN'T MATTER TO ME.

PERSONALLY, I THINK PSYCHOPATHS LIE ALL THE TIME,

SO A SELF-ASSESSMENT IS PRETTY WORTHLESS.

Woman: TODAY, POLICE CONFIRMED IT --

THE MAN THEY CALL THE BTK STRANGLER IS IN CUSTODY.

THE BOTTOM LINE -- BTK IS ARRESTED.

[ CHEERING AND APPLAUSE ]

Foulston: PEOPLE CLAPPING AND APPLAUDING,

AND THEY WERE JUST SO EXCITED THAT THIS 30-YEAR

NIGHTMARE WAS OVER, AND THAT OUR POLICE DEPARTMENT

FIGURED IT OUT.

PEOPLE WERE RELIEVED TO KNOW THAT SOMEBODY WHO HAD STRUCK

SO MUCH FEAR INTO THE CITY WAS FINALLY BEHIND BARS.

Hatteberg: ALL OF THE BIG-TIME ANCHORS WERE HERE.

ALL OF THE BIG-TIME REPORTERS WERE HERE,

EVERY MAJOR TELEVISION NEWS SHOW.

GOOD EVENING, I'M CAROL LIN FROM THE CNN CENTER IN ATLANTA.

STRAIGHT AHEAD THIS HOUR, THE SUSPECTED BTK KILLER.

A BIG DAY IN YOUR NECK OF THE WOODS.

DID -- DID THE POLICE ASK YOU...

IT SEEMED LIKE THE WORLD COULDN'T

GET ENOUGH INFORMATION ON THIS CASE.

[ INDISTINCT TALKING ]

Lamunyon: SO IT WAS A MAJOR EVENT FOR OUR CITY,

FOR OUR STATE, FOR OUR COUNTRY,

AND FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT EVERYWHERE.

I WAS DEFINITELY IN AN IMMENSE AMOUNT OF SHOCK.

Man: THE LIST OF BTK'S VICTIMS...

Rawson: I WAS SEEING THESE, YOU KNOW,

PHOTOS OF MURDERED WOMEN AND CHILDREN AND THESE SKETCHES

AND HEARING HIS VOICE ON THE RECORDING.

Rader: YOU WILL FIND...

THE MEDIA STARTED SHOWING UP AT OUR APARTMENT COMPLEX,

AND MY HUSBAND'S LIKE, "WE JUST GOTTA GET YOU HOME."

I FLEW INTO KANSAS CITY, AND MY MOM WAS WAITING

WITH MY AUNT AND UNCLE.

MY MOM WAS SOBBING, LIKE, I LAID DOWN IN HER BED WITH HER,

AND I JUST KEPT SAYING, LIKE, "I'M SORRY, MOM. I'M SORRY."

WHEN I WAS AT MY AUNT'S AFTER MY FATHER'S ARREST,

SHE WAS CHECKING HER MESSAGES,

AND WE HEARD MY DAD'S RECORDED VOICE SAYING,

"HELLO, IS ANYONE THERE? CAN YOU PICK UP?"

Rader: IF YOU'D COME SEE ME, I WOULD APPRECIATE IT.

I WAS SCARED OF THE VOICE

AND THE PERSON BEHIND IT ON THE ANSWERING MACHINE.

MY MOM HAD SAID FROM EARLY ON, IT FELT LIKE MY DAD DIED

UM, ON FEBRUARY 25 -- MY DAD WAS DEAD.

Narrator: AFTER SEVERAL MOTION HEARINGS,

DENNIS RADER EVENTUALLY PLEADS GUILTY.

THE JUDGE ORDERS HIM TO RECOUNT HIS CRIMES IN COURT,

WHICH HE DOES IN BLOOD-CHILLING DETAIL.

Rader: WELL, IT WAS PART OF MY, UH,

I GUESS MY WHAT YOU'D CALL FANTASY.

THESE PEOPLE WERE SELECTED.

Hatteberg: I WAS ABSOLUTELY STUNNED AS HE STARTED TALKING

ABOUT EACH ONE OF THE MURDERS, BECAUSE HE TALKED ABOUT

KILLING PEOPLE AS IF YOU WOULD TALK TO

SOMEONE TAKING IN YOUR LAUNDRY OR BUYING

A DOZEN DONUTS -- CASUALLY AND CAREFREE

AND WITH BASICALLY NO EMOTION.

I, UH, STRANGLED MRS. OTERO, AND SHE WENT OUT,

OR PASSED OUT -- I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD, SHE PASSED OUT.

Hatteberg: HE HAD NO EMPATHY FOR THESE VICTIMS.

THE ONLY THING HE WAS CONCERNED ABOUT WAS SATISFYING

WHATEVER DEMON WAS CONTROLLING HIM, AND BOY,

THAT DEMON DID CONTROL HIM.

AFTER THAT, MRS. OTERO WOKE BACK UP.

I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HOW MY FAMILY HAD DIED

UNTIL HE DID HIS CONFESSION.

HE SAID THAT MY MOTHER SAID THAT, YOU KNOW, MAY GOD

FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

AND IT BROKE MY HEART TO HEAR THAT MY MOM HAD SAID

THESE THINGS TO A MAN WHILE SHE'S --

HE'S KILLING HER FAMILY IN FRONT OF HER.

AT THAT POINT IN TIME, STRANGLED HER

FOR THE DEATH STRANGLE AT THAT TIME.

Rawson: HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN CAUGHT AFTER THE OTEROS.

IF HE HAD BEEN CAUGHT

THEN, LIKE, MY BROTHER AND I WOULDN'T BE ALIVE,

BUT I WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT, BECAUSE THAT MEANS,

LIKE, SIX OTHER PEOPLE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE.

♪♪

Narrator: IN AUGUST 2005, DENNIS RADER'S

SENTENCING HEARING BEGINS.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY NOLA FOULSTON IS DETERMINED TO BRING

THE FULL DEPTH OF HIS MALIGNANCY TO LIGHT.

Foulston: THIS BECAME VERY NECESSARY

TO HAVE A PUBLIC TRIAL.

..PRESS IS STILL...

IN OTHER INSTANCES AROUND THE COUNTRY,

FOR EXAMPLE, THE GREEN RIVER KILLER,

THEY JUST WENT IN THERE, AND THEY CHARGED HIM,

AND THEY TRIED -- THEY TRIED HIM, AND HE PLED AND --

AND HE WENT TO PRISON, AND NOBODY HEARD A WORD ABOUT IT.

I SAID, YOU KNOW, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT HERE.

WE NEED TO SHOW EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DONE AND WHY HE DESERVES

THE PUNISHMENT THAT HE'S GONNA GET.

INDIVIDUALS WHO ARE PREDATORS,

WHO ARE PEDOPHILES, WHO ARE ANTI-SOCIAL AND GETTING

ERECTIONS OVER LOOKING AT A DRAWING ON A TABLE,

JUST ARE NOT BUILT LIKE THE REST OF US AND NEED TO BE

PUT SOMEWHERE WHERE THEY DON'T

GET CRAYONS AND WHERE THEY DON'T GET PAPER

AND WHERE THEY DON'T GET NEWSPAPERS

SO THEY CAN CLIP OUT PICTURES OF LITTLE GIRLS

IN THEIR UNDERWEAR SO THAT THEY CAN LICK THE BATHING SUITS

OFF OF THEM FOR THEIR OWN SEXUAL PLEASURES.

ALL OF THE OFFICERS TESTIFIED ABOUT EACH

OF THEIR CASES AND WHAT HAD HAPPENED.

ALL OF THE FAMILIES WERE THERE.

THEY SAT AND LISTENED EVERY DAY TO THAT TRIAL.

EVERYTHING WAS REVEALED TO THEM.

Otero: I WAS GOING THERE WITH THE IDEA OF GETTING MY HANDS

ON HIM.

I WAS GOING TO SHANK HIM IF I COULD.

Rawson: EARLY ON, MY FAMILY

FELT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO LET THEM

GO TO COURT AND FOR MY FAMILY NOT TO BE THERE.

THIS IS A STRESS BALL THAT IS "LIFE IS GOOD."

MR. RADER TOLD YOU THAT HE WOULD USE THAT

TO ENHANCE HIS GRIP? -Landwehr: YES, MA'AM.

Foulston: THE FAMILIES GOT UP TO SPEAK AND TALK

ABOUT WHAT A PIECE OF CRAP HE WAS,

AND IF IT MADE THEM FEEL GOOD,

THEY SHOULD DO IT.

A SON'S LOVE FOR HIS MOTHER WOULD

NOT ALLOW DENNIS RADER TO TARNISH HER MEMORY.

THE LESSONS I LEARNED FROM MY FATHER

AND MOTHER TRANSCEND THE EVIL DOINGS OF DENNIS RADER.

Bright: MY SISTER AND THE OTHER VICTIMS --

THEY DIDN'T GET TO LIVE THEIR LIVES OUT, AND, UH,

WHEN HE STANDS BEFORE THE LORD FOR ETERNITY FOR

HIS JUDGMENT,

HE WILL SPEND IT BY HIMSELF IN DARKNESS.

MY NAME IS FRED FOX,

THE OLDER BROTHER OF NANCY FOX.

PSHEW.

WE MISS HER VERY MUCH. WE LOVE HER.

THIS MONSTER

TOOK HER LIFE.

MY MOTHER IS VICKI WEGERLE.

I'M SPEAKING TO YOU TODAY ON

BEHALF OF MYSELF AND MY BROTHER, BRANDON.

IT'S BEEN ALMOST 19 YEARS NOW

THAT MY BROTHER AND I HAD THE MOST

IMPORTANT WOMAN IN OUR LIVES TAKEN FROM US.

MY MOTHER BEGGED FOR HER LIFE,

YET HE SHOWED NO REMORSE.

DON'T LET THIS MONSTER HAVE ANY COMFORTS

AS HE LIVES OUT HIS REMAINING YEARS IN PRISON.

HE ISN'T WORTHY.

Davis: FOR THE LAST 5,326 DAYS,

I HAVE WONDERED WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO CONFRONT

THE WALKING CESSPOOL

THAT TOOK MY MOTHER'S PRECIOUS LIFE.

BEAR IN MIND, THOUGH, THIS WAS THE FIRST TIME

THAT I HAD EVER BEEN IN THE PRESENCE

OF THAT SCUM.

I HAD WORKED LITERALLY FOR SIX MONTHS ON

HONING THAT VICTIM'S IMPACT STATEMENT TO RAZOR SHARPNESS.

EVERY WORD HAD A SPECIFIC INTENDED PURPOSE,

WHICH WAS TO SKEWER HIM.

FROM THIS POINT ON, WE DECLARE OUR INDEPENDENCE

FROM YOUR TYRANNY OF YOUR ACTIONS -- WHILE YOU BEGIN

YOUR SLOW AND PAINFUL DESCENT INTO HELL,

WE WILL CHOOSE TO RISE ABOVE OUR PAIN.

THANK YOU, YOUR HONOR.

Relford: I'D JUST LIKE FOR HIM TO

SUFFER FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

UH, THAT'S ALL.

Narrator: FINALLY, AFTER TWO AWFUL DAYS OF TESTIMONY,

DENNIS RADER IS ALLOWED TO MAKE A STATEMENT TO THE COURT.

YOUR HONOR, SEDGWICK COUNTY, VICTIMS,

I DO YOU REALIZE THAT THE CRIMES I'VE COMMITTED...

Otero: ALL THE FAMILIES HAD AGREED TOGETHER

THAT WHEN HE OPENED UP HIS MOUTH, WE WERE WALKING OUT,

AND WE DID.

AND THE ATROCIOUS CRIMES I'VE COMMITTED AS CONTINUED

TO SEDGWICK COUNTY AS A MONSTER.

SO HE STARTS TELLING THE JUDGE

ABOUT, YOU KNOW, IT'S REALLY DIFFICULT

TO BE A SERIAL KILLER.

I DON'T KNOW THAT YOU'RE REALLY -- UH, YOU KNOW

ANYTHING ABOUT SERIAL KILLERS,

BUT I'M GONNA TELL YOU -- HE DIDN'T CARE.

HE DIDN'T CARE.

HE JUST HAD TO GET THE LAST WORDS IN.

IT WAS LIKE, "TODAY'S MY DAY TO SHINE."

WE SPEAK OF A MAN AS AN EVIL MAN.

A DARK SIDE WAS THERE,

BUT NOW, I THINK LIGHT

IS BEGINNING TO SHINE.

I THINK HE WAS A LITTLE CONFUSED,

WHETHER HE WAS BEING SENTENCED OR WHETHER HE WAS ACCEPTING

A -- AN ACADEMY AWARD.

JOSEPH OTERO WAS IN THE AIR FORCE.

I WAS IN THE AIR FORCE.

HE WAS A HUSBAND, I WAS A HUSBAND.

HE COMPARED HIMSELF TO HIS VICTIMS.

JOSEPHINE WAS A LITTLE GIRL. HE HAD A LITTLE GIRL.

KATHRYN BRIGHT, SHE SPENT TIME AT

HER GRANDPARENTS' FARM -- WELL I DID, TOO, AS A KID.

NANCY FOX -- SHE WAS A WONDERFUL YOUNG LADY.

MARINE HEDGE -- SHE WAS A NEIGHBOR.

A GARDENER -- I LOVE TO GARDEN FLOWERS.

DELORES DAVIS.

SHE LOVED ANIMALS, AND I WORKED AS ANIMAL CONTROL.

PEOPLE WERE HORRIFIED THAT HE TRIED TO HUMANIZE HIMSELF.

IT WAS DUBBED THE GOLDEN GLOBES AWARDS SPEECH,

BECAUSE IT WAS SO SELF-SERVING AND SO, UM,

SO FOCUSED ON HIMSELF.

JULIE OTERO WAS A LOT LIKE MY WIFE.

JOSEPHINE...

[ SIGHS ]

SHE LOOKED AT LOT LIKE MY DAUGHTER AT THAT AGE.

LIKE WE'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL BAD FOR THIS PIECE OF [BLEEP]

BECAUSE HE JUST -- BECAUSE HE GOT CAUGHT

FOR KILLING 10 PEOPLE.

SO THERE WAS A RAPPORT -- I'VE ALWAYS HAD

A GREAT RESPECT FOR LAW ENFORCEMENT,

ALTHOUGH I WORE A BLACK HAT INSTEAD OF A WHITE HAT.

Rawson: AND HE'S, LIKE, THANKING THE DETECTIVES AND THANKING

THE LAWYERS AND THANKING THE COMMUNITY,

AND THAT'S WHEN I SHUT DOWN.

SO TO HAVE THE DEDICATION,

LIKE MR. LANDWEHR FOR ALL THOSE YEARS, IS GREAT.

SO I THINK SEDGWICK COUNTY REALLY HAS A GOOD POLICE FORCE.

THEY WERE A BUNCH OF GREAT GUYS.

PEOPLE WILL SAY I'M NOT A CHRISTIAN,

BUT I BELIEVE I AM.

I FACED UP TO THE MAN HIMSELF NOW.

I THINK THAT ALL POINTS TO ACCOUNTABILITY.

AND THEN, AT THE END, FOR, LIKE, ABOUT 20 SECONDS,

HE TALKED ABOUT REMORSE, BUT EVEN THEN, HE SAID,

"REMORSE IS A CONCEPT," THEN HE QUOTED THE BIBLE.

THIS IS JOHN 8:12 --

"I AM THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD.

"HE WHO FOLLOW ME SHALL NOT WALK IN DARKNESS

BUT HAVE LIGHT OF LIFE."

AND I ALWAYS TELL PEOPLE, YOU KNOW -- YOU KNOW,

YOU WANT TO QUOTE THE BIBLE, SO CAN I.

"IF YOU DO EVIL, BE AFRAID,

FOR WE DID NOT BEAR THE SWORD IN VAIN."

♪♪

Narrator: NONE OF DENNIS RADER'S MURDERS OCCURRED WHEN

THE DEATH PENALTY WAS LAW IN KANSAS.

SO ON AUGUST 18, 2005, HE IS HANDED

10 CONSECUTIVE LIFE SENTENCES.

Lamunyon: THAT WAS THE STRONGEST SENTENCE THE JUDGE

HAD AT HIS DISPOSAL.

HE COULDN'T HAVE DONE ANYTHING ELSE.

Otis: LIEUTENANT LANDWEHR BROUGHT THE FAMILIES IN

ONE AT A TIME AND SPENT

A LOT OF TIME ANSWERING ANY QUESTIONS THEY HAD,

AND I THINK THAT HELPED, BUT THEY'LL NEVER HAVE JUSTICE.

ON THE OTHER HAND, IT'S JUSTICE

AGAINST DENNIS RADER, BECAUSE DENNIS RADER NOW

LIVES IN AN EIGHT-BY-EIGHT CELL.

HE GETS ONE HOUR OUT A DAY IN A FENCED-IN AREA.

NOBODY LISTENS TO HIM ANYMORE.

NOBODY'S AFRAID OF HIM ANYMORE.

HE CAN'T SHOCK PEOPLE ANYMORE.

Relph: HE'S GETTING TO PONDER EVERY DAY

THE LOSS OF HIS FAMILY AND THE SELFISHNESS THAT IT TOOK

TO TAKE THOSE OTHER PEOPLE'S FAMILY MEMBERS.

I WAS A LITTLE DISCOURAGED,

UNHAPPY, THEY ALLOWED HIM TO HAVE A TELEVISION.

I WISH HE WOULD BE SUFFERING MORE.

I WANTED THE DEATH PENALTY FOR HIM, BUT NOT FOR HIM

TO BE PUT DOWN,

BUT FOR HIM TO LIVE THAT LIFE ON DEATH ROW, BECAUSE THAT'S

A LOT, UM, HARDER LIFE ON DEATH ROW THAN IT IS IN POPULATION.

Narrator: LIKE EVERY JOURNALIST, LARRY HATTEBERG WRITES

TO DENNIS RADER IN PRISON, HOPING FOR AN INTERVIEW.

IT TURNS OUT THE KILLER IS A LONG-TIME FAN.

WE HEAD JUST SOUTH OF ELLSWORTH, KANSAS,

TO THE PRAIRIE DANCER TURKEY FARM.

IT'S MORNING, AND THE DAY IS JUST BEGINNING.

"HATTEBERG'S PEOPLE" WAS A LOCAL SERIES THAT I DID

FROM 1974 TO 2014, AND WHAT IT WAS

WAS A UNIQUE LOOK AT KANSANS FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE.

WELL, DENNIS RADER WAS A FAITHFUL WATCHER

OF THIS SERIES,

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN, ONE DAY, I GET A LETTER BACK FROM BTK.

HE INDICATED THAT YOU COULD DO A STORY ABOUT A GUY

IN LAW ENFORCEMENT IN A SMALL MIDWESTERN CITY WHO REALLY DID

A LOT OF GOOD THINGS FOR THE COMMUNITY,

MEANING I COULD DO A STORY ON BTK BEFORE ANYBODY KNEW

HE WAS BTK,

BUT I HAD TO WRITE BACK TO HIM AND TELL HIM,

MR. RADER,

I CAN'T DO A STORY LIKE THAT, BECAUSE THE FACT THAT

YOU KILLED 10 PEOPLE

TENDS TO NEGATE ANY GOOD YOU EVER DID IN YOUR LIFE.

THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN

ON A SATURDAY MORNING, THE PHONE RANG.

[ PHONE RINGING ]

AND THE OPERATOR SAID,

WOULD I ACCEPT A CALL FROM DENNIS RADER?

AND THE ANSWER WAS, "YES."

I HAD 30 YEARS OF QUESTIONS FOR 20 MINUTES.

I JUST REMEMBER, LIKE, BEING SO TICKED AT HIM

FOR, LIKE, SUCH RIDICULOUS B.S. COMING FROM HIS MOUTH.

HE COMMITTED THESE CRIMES. HE KNEW HE COMMITTED THEM.

HE COULD HAVE TURNED HIMSELF IN AT ANY TIME,

AND HE DIDN'T.

I'VE SAID IT MANY TIMES IN MANY WAYS --

DENNIS RADER IS LIKE A COBRA, FASCINATING TO WATCH,

BUT IF YOU GET TOO CLOSE, HE'LL KILL YOU.

MY WIFE'S GONE ON AND DIVORCED.

SHE'S TRYING TO STAY OUT OF HARM'S WAY.

UH, SINCE MY KIDS ARE AWAY,

I DON'T GET MUCH LETTERS OR ANYTHING FROM THEM,

BUT THEY'RE -- THEY'RE BASICALLY SUPPORTIVE.

NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE WHO ARE PREDATORS,

THEY THINK THEY CONTROL THEIR WORLD,

AND AS A RESULT, THEY DEVELOP SOMETHING WE CALL

NARCISSISTIC IMMUNITY.

I'M TOO SPECIAL TO BE CAUGHT.

I'M TOO SKILLED. I'M TOO IMPORTANT.

I'M NOT GONNA GET CAUGHT,

AND THAT'S HOW HE THOUGHT ABOUT IT.

HE WAS JUST HAVING FUN,

AND HE REALLY THOUGHT HE WAS DEVELOPING A RELATIONSHIP WITH

THE LAW ENFORCEMENT AND THAT THEY WERE HAVING FUN, TOO.

WELL, WE HAD A GOOD RAPPORT.

I ALMOST FELT LIKE THEY WERE MY BUDDIES -- AT ONE TIME,

I ASKED ABOUT LAMUNYON MAYBE COMING IN AND HAVING

A CUP OF COFFEE WITH ME.

Ramsland: ONE OF HIS FANTASIES WAS TO BE A SORT OF

JACK THE RIPPER, THAT HE WOULD END UP NEVER GETTING CAUGHT.

PEOPLE WOULD ENDLESSLY SPECULATE ABOUT WHO HE WAS,

AND IN THE END,

BECAUSE HE WAS GOING TO PUT IT ALL INTO A SAFE DEPOSIT BOX,

THEY WOULD KNOW DENNIS RADER WAS THE BTK KILLER,

BUT BY THAT TIME, HE'D BE DEAD, SO HE WOULD HAVE

GOTTEN AWAY WITH IT.

Woman: TAKE A GOOD LOOK.

THIS IS LIKELY THE LAST TIME

YOU'LL EVER SEE THE SERIAL KILLER AGAIN.

THE DAY WE AIRED HIS TRIP TO PRISON LIVE.

I'M GETTING CHILLS JUST TALKING ABOUT IT.

WHEN THEY LED HIM INTO THE PRISON,

THIS HUGE, HUMONGOUS WEIGHT WAS LIFTED FROM

THE SHOULDERS OF EVERY WOMAN IN THE WICHITA AREA.

IT'S FINALLY OVER.

NOT OVER FOR THE VICTIMS' FAMILIES,

BUT IT'S OVER FOR ALL OF US WHO HAVE

BEEN TORMENTED BY THIS MAN FOR SO MANY YEARS.

Lamunyon: WE'RE NOT HAPPY THAT IT TOOK 30 YEARS TO CATCH

THE INDIVIDUAL, BUT WE'RE VERY,

VERY PLEASED KNOWING THAT AT EVERY STEP OF THE WAY,

WE DID THE ABSOLUTE

BEST WE COULD DO WITH THE EVIDENCE

AND THE TECHNOLOGY THAT WE HAD AVAILABLE TO US.

THE IMPACT THAT IT HAD IN LAW ENFORCEMENT BOTH LOCALLY

AND AROUND THE WORLD --

IT'S A POSITIVE THING FOR ALL FUTURE INVESTIGATORS.

Gouge: PERSONALLY, YOU KNOW,

I COULDN'T WAIT TO GO TO CHURCH

TO TRY TO WASH SOME OF THAT EVIL OFF OF ME.

IT WAS AN EXPERIENCE THAT I WAS LUCKY TO HAVE,

BUT NOT ONE I'D WISH ON ANYONE.

Relph: IT WAS A TRIUMPH OF DEDICATED LAW ENFORCEMENT THAT

THANKFULLY I WAS HERE FOR THE TRIUMPHANT PART OF IT.

Producer: SO TELL US ABOUT KEN LANDWEHR.

UM...

[ SNIFFLES ] WASN'T EXPECTING THAT ONE.

SINCE BTK RESURFACED IN MARCH,

WE'VE RECEIVED MORE THAN 2,000 TIPS.

Foulston: KENNY LANDWEHR WAS A WONDERFUL MAN.

I'D SAY THAT TO HIS FACE.

HE'S NOT HERE WITH US ANYMORE.

JUST LOVE HIM DEARLY.

IT WAS KENNY LANDWEHR'S PLAN THAT BROUGHT THE END RESULT,

AND THAT IS THE ARREST OF BTK.

KENNY LANDWEHR'S STRATEGY WAS SOLID.

IT WORKED OUT BEAUTIFULLY.

Otis: HE WAS

AN ICON ON THE WICHITA POLICE DEPARTMENT, AND HE WAS

ONE OF THE FINEST PEOPLE I EVER KNEW,

AND SHORTLY AFTER HE ANNOUNCED HIS RETIREMENT,

HE WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CANCER AND DIED,

UM, MONTHS LATER.

BUT THANK THE LORD THAT WE CAUGHT DENNIS RADER

BEFORE KENNY PASSED,

BECAUSE THAT PUT THE FINAL BOW ON

AN AMAZING POLICE CAREER.

♪♪

Otero: AS A CHRISTIAN, I'M SUPPOSED TO FORGIVE,

BUT I CAN'T FORGIVE HIM FOR WHAT HE DID.

ONE PART OF ME WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO FORGIVE.

THE OTHER PART OF ME WANTS TO PULL HIS HEAD OFF HIS NECK.

YOU KNOW?

♪♪

Kelly: AT THE END OF THE BOOK PROJECT,

I WAS DONE.

MY -- MY HEALTH WAS WRECKED.

UM, IT WAS AFFECTING MY MARRIAGE,

AND I ENDED UP LEAVING THE NEWSROOM, LEAVING JOURNALISM.

IT TRULY WAS THE STORY OF A LIFETIME,

BUT IT TOOK A REAL PERSONAL TOLL.

EVEN AS WE LEFT THE COURTROOM, I THINK, I HOPE,

A LOT OF US FELT THAT, YOU KNOW, MAYBE WE CAN MAKE IT.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE ALL IS NOT LOST.

MAYBE WE CAN LIVE OUR LIVES IN A WAY

THAT IS A TRIBUTE TO THE ONE WE LOST.

WE CAN MEMORIALIZE THEM THROUGH US AND THROUGH

WHAT WE DO TO BETTER THE WORLD AROUND US,

AND WHILE THAT DOESN'T BRING BACK

WHOEVER WE'VE LOST, AND THAT PAIN DOESN'T GO AWAY,

AND IT NEVER WILL,

IT GIVES US A CHANCE TO LET THEM LIVE ON THROUGH

SOMETHING THAT'S BIGGER THAN THEM AND SOMETHING THAT'S BIGGER

THAN US, AND MAYBE THAT'S

THE BIGGEST LESSON THAT I'VE LEARNED THROUGH IT ALL.

Rawson: TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO BE ABLE TO SAY,

THIS IS MY DAD. THIS IS WHAT HE DID.

THIS IS WHO I AM,

AND I'M NOT GONNA LET THIS DEFINE ME,

BUT I DO NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT.

AND I WANTED TO HELP OTHERS WHO ARE --

HAVE SURVIVED ABUSE AND LIVE

WITH PTS AND ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION,

AND I WANTED THEM TO KNOW THAT,

YOU KNOW, NO MATTER WHAT THEY'VE GONE THROUGH,

THEY CAN GET THROUGH IT AND THAT WE'RE SURVIVORS.

I FOUND OUT I WAS PREGNANT, AND I STARTED THINKING ABOUT THAT

MY MOM WAS PREGNANT WITH ME

WHEN MY DAD MURDERED NANCY FOX IN DECEMBER OF '77.

WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS FIVE, SHE STARTED SAYING, LIKE,

YOU KNOW, "I HAVE ONE GRANDPA, BUT SHOULDN'T I HAVE

TWO GRANDPAS?"

I FINALLY SAID, "I HAVE A DAD,

BUT MY DAD'S IN PRISON," AND SHE'S LIKE, "WELL,

WHAT'S PRISON?"

AND I WAS LIKE, "WELL, IT'S LIKE

A REALLY LONG TIMEOUT FOR ADULTS."

SO WE'VE SLOWLY, AS THEY'VE GROWN UP, YOU KNOW,

TRY TO GENTLY TELL THEM,

LIKE, GRANDPA'S IN PRISON THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

THEY KEPT BOTHERING ME, LIKE, WHAT DID --

WHAT DID YOUR DAD DO? WHAT DID YOUR DAD DO?

AND FINALLY, I SAID, DAD HURT SOME PEOPLE.

IN DECEMBER OF 2012, I FELT LIKE

FORGIVENESS JUST WASHED OVER ME.

LIKE I KNEW THAT I HAD FORGIVEN MY FATHER,

AND I SAT DOWN THAT NIGHT, AND I WROTE HIM,

AND I WROTE, LIKE, SIX LONG PAGES ABOUT MY LIFE

AND MY FAMILY AND EVERYTHING HE WAS MISSING,

ALL ABOUT HIS GRANDKIDS AND WHAT,

LIKE, WHAT WE DO WITH THEM IN OUR LIFE,

AND THEN AT THE BOTTOM, I WROTE, "I'M NOT EVER GONNA

"UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE,

"BUT I FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME

"AND MY FAMILY.

AND I LOVE YOU, AND I HOPE TO SEE YOU IN HEAVEN SOME DAY."

HE WROTE ME BACK, AND SINCE THEN, WE'VE BEEN BETTER IN

COMMUNICATION THROUGH LETTERS.

I DIDN'T THINK I WAS GONNA SURVIVE THIS,

AND, UH, LIKE, WITHOUT MY FAITH

AND WITHOUT MY HUSBAND AND THE REST OF MY FAMILY,

I WOULDN'T BE HERE.

I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE

TO BE A DAUGHTER OF A SERIAL KILLER.

I MEAN, IT'S MY FATHER, AND I MISS HIM.

SO I WOULD LIKE...

I WOULD LIKE...

I MEAN, I WISH NONE OF THIS HAD HAPPENED AND I HAD MY DAD,

BUT I DON'T, SO THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT.

♪♪

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