All language subtitles for again and realy again.S03E03.The Searchers

J.D.: Things were the same
around here.

Dr. Kelso was retired...

No.

J.D.: But he had also won
free muffins for life,

so he still came to the hospital
every day.

Good morning, people.

- Hi, Bob.
- Hi, Bob.

Hey, Anderson, before I retired,
we never got to have a heart-to-heart.

I'm not really a touchy-feely type, but,

well, hell, I'll just say it.
You're a jackass.

J.D.: As usual, Turk and I were working
our asses off.

Aw, man. You and Izzy are here?

I wanted to watch...
Oh, nice, it's already on.

It's a good one. The letter's J.

J.D.: And Dr. Cox was once again
torturing the new interns.

Before we start rounds today,
who watches Deal or No Deal?

Get out.

And you, Legally Blonde,

name the three possible causes
of this patient's hematemasis.

Peptic ulcer disease,
esophageal varices,

or Zollinger-Ellison Syndrome?

- That's actually correct.
- Yes.

And if you're wondering
why I say "actually,"

you've proven to be such a vapid,
helpless incompetent,

that for you to say something correct
is a wild departure from the norm.

Therefore, I decided
I had better pick a word

that drew attention to the fact that it
was such an extraordinary occurrence.

And I went ahead and chose "actually."

Zwa!

Who made that noise?

I did.

I'm a little tired of her chipper attitude,
so it's cool to see you just slam her.

So I just went, "Zwa."

So, if I were to ask you a question, like,

what is the next diagnostic move
in checking for Zollinger-Ellison

and you didn't know, I would say "zwa."

No, 'cause I know the answer.
Esophagogastroduodenoscopy. Zwa.

Good. But mark my words,
I will zwa you by the end of the day.

Now, since the rest of your brains
are so tiny,

from now on I'll speak like a caveman.

You. Bad doctors. Me. Good doctor.
You follow.

Hey, did you guys hear that
they're starting to interview

for the new Chief of Medicine?

Actually, they already found someone.

That's right, knuckleheads.
There's a new Chief in town.

That was a mistake.

I'll be watching you, John Dorian.

And guess what? My eyes never close.

Mine neither.

Actually, they do. That was a lie.

I grew up on the street.

No, not the hood, the Sesame Street.

I can't do this all on my own

No, I know

I'm no Superman

I'm no Superman

Patient. Iron high. Heart swollen big.

You. What make sick?

Could it be hemochromatosis?

Correct. Rounds over. You go.

Thoughts on the beard?

- I like it.
- Thank you, Perry.

Of course, I'm totally in favor
of anything

that covers up parts of your face
that were previously uncovered.

Yay, you hurt my feelings.

So, which intern are each of you guys
gonna choose this year

to be your personal
prot�g�-slash-lackey?

I'm going with Katie
because she's not a jerk anymore.

Plus we've got the same hair.

At first I thought I was gonna mentor
both Neil and Garrett,

because they always ask me
to go rollerblading...

Let it go. We don't have the time.

And then I thought,
why not pick a woman?

Have a little feminine energy in my life.

You mean like the kind of energy that
seeps out of every pore in your body?

Elliot, why?

You knew that he was gonna say it.

I thought it would hurt less
coming from me.

Well, then, thank you. Let's do this.

- Can you help me out with something?
- You. Me. Help.

Of course, Dr. Dorian.

All right, Denise, I'm going to kick
your butt with scut work for a while,

still I really want you to be yourself
around me.

Do you really mean that, sir?

J.D.: "Sir." Loving this girl's energy.

I mean every word, young miss.

Well, buddy, you have no idea
how psyched I am to hear that.

I mean, I spent four years
in med school talking like this

so I wouldn't dare threaten
all the male teachers

who pee their pants every time
they're even near a strong woman.

Seriously, I am so happy
to be done with all that,

I could drop a deuce right here.

Well, don't do that here, Denise,
'cause this is a hospital.

What in God's name just happened?

By the way,
how can you stand these scrubs?

Mine are so far up my butt right now
I can taste them in my throat.

You know, you don't have to be
yourself all the time,

just some of the time.

It's Ed?

Sometimes I go by Big Ed.

So, Ed, after you place
a central line on that patient,

come and find me and let me know
whether or not you killed him.

Big Ed.

Dr. Cox, I just wanted to tell you
I really enjoyed rounds this morning

and I'm gonna work harder
so you don't just think of me as a...

What was it?

A helpless, vapid, incompetent
ass-kisser.

Actually, I don't remember
the ass-kisser part.

That's 'cause I just added it now.

That's great. Makes it hurt more.

Great.

Katie.

You don't have to do that.

I know, it's disgusting.

You're just under so much pressure.
I have been there.

- Really?
- Oh, my God, my first week here,

I totally screwed my best friend, J.D.,
just to look good in rounds.

Well, not literally screwed.
I mean, yes, later, we did it,

but that was
for totally different reasons.

And honestly
it has been talked to death.

But we are dating again.
Don't tell anyone.

Got it.

Don't bother me, I'm busy.

I can't make any promises.

Dr. Cox.
Got those test results for you, man.

You were totally right
about that old dude in bed four.

Syphilis.

I just... I used to be a DJ.

Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis.

- Wow!
- Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis. Syphilis.

Get out of here, Ed.

- Right now?
- Yeah.

Come here.

Why do I hate that guy?

So how long you two been dealing
with the lung cancer?

Well, Jack's last cycle of chemo
was about a year ago

and since then there's been
no beta symptoms

and his last chest-scan showed
no new lesions. So...

Speaking of new things...

J.D.: Not the time to talk
about your beard.

I'm sorry, I interrupted you. Lesions.

Anyway, we've just been feeling
so positive

that we haven't even told our son
about the cancer yet.

Mikey's only eight.

Hopefully this is
just a minor infection right now.

Okay? We're gonna run some tests.

He needs a new chest scan right away

and don't let those idiots in Radiology
hold you up.

Dr. Dorian, if they pull any crap,
I'll bust some heads.

She really is like having
my very own Jo from Facts of Life.

Throw her a bone
so she knows she's growing on you.

Denise, call me J.D.
Dr. Dorian's my father.

Actually, he's Mr. Dorian.

Well, was Mr. Dorian.
He's dead, Jo. He's never coming back.

You called me Jo.

Do you not like that
as a new nickname?

Just a little butch.
I like banging dudes. So.

I've heard that's nice.

Seems like it would be a host to
a variety of infectious bacteria

- or even fungus.
- Plus it's hard to look at.

I recommend it's removed immediately.

Forget it, you guys.
I'm keeping the beard.

Chicks dig on the extra fuzz.

Tell me about it.

And you've only got it
on two percent of your body.

Hey, what is up, guys?
Can somebody give me a high four?

Coming at you.

Near!

Far!

Grover five.

Come on, buddy, let's go.

- Hey, was that Dr. Turk?
- Yeah, why?

Well, everyone's trying to figure out
who he is

because he's gonna pick an intern
to do all the medical research

on a paper he's publishing.

So did you put yourself up for that?

I'm not exactly super-confident
right now.

Katie, when I was an intern,

this oncologist asked me to assist him
with his research

and I was too intimidated
and so I said no.

So then he offers it
to this other girl, Gina,

and I really regretted it.

You know, at least until we found out

that he was actually watching
Gina whizz

through a hole in his office wall.

But had he not been a perv,
it would still haunt me.

Which is why you're gonna go
for this, okay?

Okay.

Bear claw.

So maybe you don't like him
because he's a freaky, stoner weirdo.

No. Surprisingly, that tickles me.

- Did he say "back in the day"?
- No.

- Did he say "back in the dizzay"?
- No.

Did he call you Dr. C?

He did, but I liked it.

Does he like Hugh Jackman?

Wrong again. You suck at this.

Perhaps the problem lies within.

By creating false hatred for others,

you don't have to face the fact
that you really hate yourself.

And where'd you get
that psychobabble?

From some skank at the mall.

I chill at the food court on the weekend.
Donny, I'm out.

Want one? I got pull here. Donny.

Hey, what are you guys looking at?

Oh, my God. Is that a picture of a poo?

No, that's not just any poo, Elliot.

That's Izzy's first poo in the potty.

I can't take my eyes off of it.
It's gorgeous.

I accidentally hit send.

Aw!

They're back.

Jack's are bigger.

Just found my new screen saver.

They're back.

My bad.

Thank you.

Anyway, Turk, my intern, Katie,
could really use a boost.

Would you do me a favor
and consider her

for the paper that you're doing?

Sure, no problem.

Thanks, man. I owe you one.

Oh, my God. Look at these.

The owner of those lungs is gonna die,
like, yesterday.

It's Mr. Fremont, patient of mine.
His son's eight years old.

I'm sorry, buddy.

Got to go tell Denise.

J.D.: As a doctor, you can spend
as much time and energy

on your interns
as you do on your patients.

Whether you're frustrated by them...

Well, I finished my double hot choc,
I'm gonna head up.

You guys need anything else?

No, thank you.

All right.

No, it is not just me. He is hateful.

J.D.: Or rooting for them.

Okay, I wanna thank everyone
who applied.

Unfortunately, I can only pick one. So...

Ed, congratulations!

Oh, sorry, man. I'm listening to
The Da Vinci Code on audiobook.

It's riveting.

Okay.

Damn it.

No way!

That was that guy?

J.D.: For me, I was just hoping
to figure out a way to tell Denise

that the first patient we were treating
together was gonna die.

Listen, Jo,
Mr. Fremont's scan came back

and his lungs are covered with lesions.
He doesn't have a lot of time.

I was glad I was here

because I knew it would be hard
for her to deal with.

Huh. Sucks to be him.

Or not.

I think I see what the problem is.

You have a hand inside of you.

That explains so many things.

Dude, been having fantasies
about Muppets all day too?

No. I'm straight.

That's just uncalled-for.
I'm freaked out, man.

I told my intern, Jo,
our patient was dying,

she barely even reacted.

That sucks.

I cannot believe
that Turk didn't pick you.

I may just have to withhold sex
from him.

I mean, not me, personally,
but I am best friends with his wife

and if I ask her to,
she'll get him all worked up

and then say that was for Elliot
and then just roll over and go to sleep.

I never really had a shot anyway.

I mean, surgery is such a boys' club.

I don't know about that.

L-just-pulled-your-pants-down-five!

Maybe you're right.

- No sex for Turk tonight.
- Done.

Hey, back to this intern that I hate.

No, I don't wanna play
your Why Do I Hate this Intern game.

It's no fun. Nobody ever wins.

Fine. I need to find somebody

a little more qualified
to talk about hate anyway.

Look, you and I are alike
in a lot of ways.

We both harbor an internal struggle
between the desire to do good

and the urge to become
a master criminal.

- We don't.
- We do.

You hate people, and I hate people.

What nobody gets is that
we never hate indiscriminately.

That is so true.
I only hate those that have wronged me.

Like, if they stole my stuff
or put a penny in the door or...

That guy. See that look he shot us,
like he's so much better than we are?

Plus he's only 25,

and earlier I heard him use the phrase,
back in the day.

Well, he's dug his own grave,
hasn't he? Let's do this.

Go.

He's even worse than the other guy.

Go get him too.

All right, Denise, here's the deal.

We have to tell Mrs. Fremont

that her husband doesn't have
much longer.

She's gonna want us to do
whatever we can to keep him alive,

but we both know that putting him
on a respirator

is just gonna prolong the inevitable
and eventually cause him more pain.

So I'm gonna tell her
the initial bad news,

and then I want you to come in

and secure
the Do Not Resuscitate order.

Okay, J.D.

You're going to make her get the DNR?

An intern shouldn't have to convince
a wife to let her husband die.

She's got to learn
how to show some compassion.

I'm throwing her in the deep end.

There's got to be a better way
to teach that.

Elmo would love to help.

Denise, could you come here
for a second?

Well, hubba hubba.

You be the patient
and I'll be the doctor.

How's this?

Don't worry, buddy.
I'm gonna take care of you.

Elmo knows that together,
we can get through this.

And scene.

I get it now.

Yay! She gets it! She gets it!

Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby. Yeah, baby.

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

Okay, easy, buddy.

What? She's your woman?

What is Elmo? A seal?

Turk, I am so mad at you.

Yeah, I know.
Carla dragged me into the on-call room,

stripped butt naked,
did a little belly dance

and then said,
"This is for Elliot," then took a nap.

What the hell did I do to you?

You're a sexist.

Keep moving, Rhonda.

You ain't moving fast enough, Rhonda.

Admit it, Katie never had a chance
with you because she's a girl.

That's ridiculous.

Really? Besides me,

can you even name one other girl
that you're friends with?

Carla and a lovely woman
by the name of Margaret.

Carla's your wife
and Margaret's your mother.

Elliot, don't talk about my mama.
All right? I will punch you in the head.

Turk, I was Katie once.

I mean, I know what it feels like
to get passed over

because you're not one of the boys.

Okay, fine,
I should've given Katie a chance.

Guess what?
Ed's gonna let me take his spot.

I didn't wanna do it anyway.

The only reason I signed up was
I have this three-way pen

and I wanted to write my name
in three different colors.

Dude, that's why I picked you.

Looks cool, right?

It looked so cool.

So Katie gets to do it?

Fine.

- Blow it up, girl.
- Yes!

That's it. I know why I hate him.

Way to go. Wanna borrow my plunger?

Form a perfect seal around his mouth,
and then... three times,

And... his Adam's apple pops right out.

Theoretically.

J.D.: Mrs. Fremont.

Your husband doesn't have
a minor infection.

It's the cancer.

His body is basically shutting down.

He's dying?

I'm sorry.

No. No, he's been doing so well.
No, it's not time yet.

See. There must be
something that you can do.

Well, we can make him comfortable,

but by the end of the night
he won't be able to breathe on his own.

So you'll put him on a machine.

I'm not sure you wanna do that.

Why? Why wouldn't I wanna do that?

Why wouldn't I wanna do anything
I can to keep him alive?

J.D.: This was gonna be
rough on Denise,

but I knew it was something
she had to get through

to become
a more compassionate doctor.

Look, here's the deal.

If you make us intubate him,

we'll probably also have to shove
a catheter in his lung

and that sort of thing usually leads
to an infection and antibiotics,

and then, before you know it,
his kidneys are toast.

So even with
all our poking and prodding,

we're still not gonna slow down
his cancer.

So you'll finally sign the DNR,

but by then he would have suffered
way more than he needed to

because you were just too selfish
to let him go.

The real Jo never would've done that.

Hey, skank.

What up, skank?

It's all good, skank.
We like to call each other skank.

Okay, I know
I was being a little sexist earlier,

but don't you also think Katie
might have been playing you a little

so she could get ahead?

Turk, she wasn't even gonna sign up

to help you with your stupid paper
until I told her to.

That's funny.
Because I went back and checked

and Katie was the first intern
to sign the sheet.

See? That's her name, right there.
Above Ed's.

Skank.

Time to go.
Donny, I need a way-homer.

See you tomorrow, everybody.

Bye, Bob!

Syphilis.

Whoa!

Zwa.

You zwa'd the hell out of me, Dr. Cox.
Just like you promised.

See, I've seen
a lot of crazy things in my life,

but, trust me, I've never seen an intern

with the time to just hang out
in a coffee shop.

And it wasn't until you gave up
that research paper

that I finally realized why I hate you.

You're lazy.

Am I not doing as well
as the other interns?

You are doing better than most.

Well, I don't know,
I'm fine with better than most.

But if that stops being the case,
let me know.

Believe me, I will.

Thanks, Dr. C.

We always knew this day would come.

How can I still not be ready?

Nobody ever is.

What should I do now?

You should go pick up your son.

We'll do our best to wake him up
so you two can say goodbye.

Okay.

And then I realized why I'd thought
about Sesame Street all day.

In a way you can learn everything you
need to know from watching it as a kid.

Like, "Always play nice."

Oh, please, I've got Dr. Reid
wrapped around my finger.

I'm gonna be fine around here.

"Always try your hardest."

Hey, you going to the hematology
lecture tonight?

No can do, other Indian guy.
About to go get me some pizza.

And even, "It's okay to cry."

Yeah, you're right,
he didn't last long at all.

Oh!

Didn't expect the waterworks.

See you tomorrow.

It's gonna be a long year.

By then he would have suffered
way more than he needed to

because you were just too selfish
to let him go.

I'll let you think about it.

The real Jo never would've done that.

What she was trying to say is

you take the good, you take the bad,
and when you take them both,

there you have the facts of life.