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"When you're in the middle of a story,
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"it isn't a story at all,
3
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"but only a confusion,
4
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"a dark roaring,
5
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"a blindness,
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"a wreckage of shattered
glass and splintered wood,
7
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"like a house in a whirlwind,or else a boat
8
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"crushed by the icebergsor swept over the rapids,
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"and all aboardare powerless to stop it.
10
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:59,456
"It's only afterwards that itbecomes anything like a story at all.
11
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"When you're telling it to
yourself or to someone else."
12
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How far am I gonna go up?
13
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- Uh, three flights.
- Just keep going.
14
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Take a break when you need to.
15
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Jolly good.
16
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Here we are,
then. Hi.
17
00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:42,800
Hey.
18
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All right, you two.
19
00:01:48,841 --> 00:01:50,474
So this is where
you're sitting.
20
00:01:50,476 --> 00:01:52,142
Oh, right.
It's here.
21
00:01:54,846 --> 00:01:56,213
- Right, then.
- Okay.
22
00:01:56,215 --> 00:01:57,748
Oh, let's have a look and see.
23
00:01:57,750 --> 00:01:58,849
Oh, my God.
24
00:01:58,851 --> 00:02:01,685
So this is the first half.
25
00:02:01,687 --> 00:02:04,121
This is what, love?
The first half of what we're recording.
26
00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:07,691
Are we gonna do the whole lot?
27
00:02:07,693 --> 00:02:09,426
Yeah, there's another...
28
00:02:10,428 --> 00:02:12,663
All this?
Yeah.
29
00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:14,698
It's the whole of the thing
that I wrote,
30
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:16,400
it's a severe punishment, that.
31
00:02:23,575 --> 00:02:24,775
Whose tea is that?
32
00:02:26,478 --> 00:02:28,612
Okay, so, and oh...
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00:02:28,614 --> 00:02:31,748
I just think that I might be
sweating through my shirt.
34
00:02:31,750 --> 00:02:33,717
Yeah, I'm ready.
Okay.
35
00:02:36,321 --> 00:02:37,821
I don't like this.
36
00:02:37,823 --> 00:02:39,289
Are you nervous?
A little.
37
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:42,126
Yeah, it'll get worse.
38
00:03:05,450 --> 00:03:07,718
I hope that you'll
explain to me some time
39
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:10,821
what all this is that you're trying to do.
- Huh?
40
00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:14,691
The two cameras and me
recording it visually and...
41
00:03:14,693 --> 00:03:17,694
I mean,
it's not the normal way of doing it, is it?
42
00:03:17,696 --> 00:03:19,796
I don't know.
Hmm.
43
00:03:19,798 --> 00:03:21,732
We've told you
it's a documentary,
44
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,867
but it's actually...
It's an interrogation process.
45
00:03:23,869 --> 00:03:26,203
What?
46
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,085
It's an interrogation
process that we've set up.
47
00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:30,440
Okay.
48
00:03:30,442 --> 00:03:32,176
I honestly need pills.
49
00:03:34,213 --> 00:03:35,612
Do you really?
Are you really? I'm so nervous.
50
00:03:35,614 --> 00:03:37,414
Are my teeth okay?
51
00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:40,717
I feel like I'm sweating.
52
00:03:40,719 --> 00:03:42,286
And how far down...
What's my frame?
53
00:03:42,288 --> 00:03:43,387
Okay.
54
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:44,521
How are my breasts?
55
00:03:45,523 --> 00:03:47,491
Okay, show time.
56
00:04:11,816 --> 00:04:13,917
Me? Do you want me?
Oh, I'm sorry.
57
00:04:24,495 --> 00:04:25,963
Okay, Dad, so, um...
58
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:28,565
We can start anytime.
Are you rolling? Yeah.
59
00:04:28,567 --> 00:04:29,733
Okay.
60
00:04:30,935 --> 00:04:32,803
We're off.
61
00:04:32,805 --> 00:04:34,972
"In the beginning...
The end.
62
00:04:34,974 --> 00:04:37,541
"I am unique.
63
00:04:37,543 --> 00:04:39,710
"From that precise momentwhen I was dragged
64
00:04:39,712 --> 00:04:41,878
"out of my mother's wombinto this cold world,
65
00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:45,315
"I was complete.
66
00:04:45,317 --> 00:04:49,586
"An amalgam of the DNA passedon to me by my mother and father.
67
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:52,623
"And they, too, had been bornfinished products
68
00:04:52,625 --> 00:04:55,826
"with their DNA handed downby their respective parents
69
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:58,528
"and so back ad infinitum.
70
00:04:58,530 --> 00:05:01,365
"It is clear to methat I was always there,
71
00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:05,602
"somewhere in my ancestor's DNA,just waiting to just be born.
72
00:05:05,604 --> 00:05:08,538
"So this unique Ihas always existed,
73
00:05:08,540 --> 00:05:10,407
"even in the mysteryof nothingness.
74
00:05:11,609 --> 00:05:13,844
"So where to start?"
75
00:05:13,846 --> 00:05:17,347
So, Dad,
can you tell the whole story?
76
00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:20,384
The marriage to Mum and everything
that happened since.
77
00:05:23,888 --> 00:05:25,422
Good God.
78
00:05:25,424 --> 00:05:26,890
Yup.
79
00:05:26,892 --> 00:05:28,959
The entire story?
80
00:05:28,961 --> 00:05:32,829
I'm gonna ask you now
to tell the whole story
81
00:05:32,831 --> 00:05:34,631
as though
I don't know the story
82
00:05:34,633 --> 00:05:36,194
from the very beginning
to the very end.
83
00:05:37,335 --> 00:05:39,903
Shit. Um...
84
00:05:39,905 --> 00:05:43,040
from beginning to end
in your own words,
85
00:05:43,042 --> 00:05:44,541
like, as though you're
telling a story to someone?
86
00:05:44,543 --> 00:05:45,876
Like a medley.
87
00:05:45,878 --> 00:05:47,411
A medley.
Yeah, okay.
88
00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:50,881
Can you describe
the whole story
89
00:05:50,883 --> 00:05:54,651
from the beginning until now
in your own words?
90
00:05:54,653 --> 00:05:56,086
What?
91
00:06:00,591 --> 00:06:01,958
Wow.
92
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:03,760
I guess I better pee first.
93
00:06:05,931 --> 00:06:09,333
Wow. Yeah, give me a moment.
- Yeah, go pee now.
94
00:06:09,335 --> 00:06:11,255
What do you think of
this documentary being made?
95
00:06:12,503 --> 00:06:14,638
Um...
96
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,873
You can be totally candid.
Can I?
97
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:19,543
A lot of you have been, so...
98
00:06:19,545 --> 00:06:22,746
You know, I guess I have this
sort of instinctive reaction of,
99
00:06:22,748 --> 00:06:25,228
like, "Who fucking cares about
our family, right?" Can I swear?
100
00:06:26,417 --> 00:06:28,085
Like, who cares about
101
00:06:28,087 --> 00:06:30,854
our stupid family and...
102
00:06:30,856 --> 00:06:33,123
Like, I'm sort of embarrassed.
103
00:06:33,125 --> 00:06:36,760
'Cause I think, "It's our family and
every family has a story and..."
104
00:06:36,762 --> 00:06:39,429
But I do think it's really
interesting to look at
105
00:06:39,431 --> 00:06:41,498
this one thing that happened
106
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,668
and how it's refractedin so many different ways
107
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:46,436
and there's so manydifferent angles.
108
00:06:47,940 --> 00:06:51,942
By describing Mum in as
much detail as possible.
109
00:06:51,944 --> 00:06:54,077
Oh...
Well, Mum...
110
00:06:54,079 --> 00:06:57,581
Mom, I will refer her to
as Mom, not Diane.
111
00:06:57,583 --> 00:07:01,818
She was... She was the most fun
I could think of as a child.
112
00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:06,056
She was infectious,enthusiastic and excited
113
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:07,157
about everything.
114
00:07:07,159 --> 00:07:10,961
My memory of Mom is,
115
00:07:10,963 --> 00:07:13,797
uh, of someone
who was very loud.
116
00:07:13,799 --> 00:07:15,665
She walked very heavily
117
00:07:15,667 --> 00:07:18,635
and made the recordskip, actually.
118
00:07:18,637 --> 00:07:21,571
And my impression is she was
a fun person at parties,
119
00:07:21,573 --> 00:07:24,107
that she was a fun person
to have in an audience
120
00:07:24,109 --> 00:07:25,809
'cause she laughed loud.
121
00:07:25,811 --> 00:07:28,044
You can't...
122
00:07:28,046 --> 00:07:30,814
You can't talk about Diane, I don't think,
without talking about her laugh.
123
00:07:30,816 --> 00:07:34,751
It infused every situationthat she was in.
124
00:07:34,753 --> 00:07:38,955
What attracted people to herwas a sense of joy.
125
00:07:38,957 --> 00:07:41,057
She had a contagious
personality, I thought,
126
00:07:41,059 --> 00:07:43,927
and when I was really young
I used to, um,
127
00:07:43,929 --> 00:07:47,097
watch I Love Lucy and I
actually thought that was her
128
00:07:47,099 --> 00:07:49,666
because she was sort of
fun and goofy and...
129
00:07:49,668 --> 00:07:52,602
She was very warm,she was, you know, full of life
130
00:07:52,604 --> 00:07:56,006
and loved to dance and loved
to party and laughing a lot
131
00:07:56,008 --> 00:07:58,041
and she loved to sing and
she was the worst singer,
132
00:07:58,043 --> 00:08:05,115
I mean, there's a big tent withinwhich you can enjoy life with her.
133
00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:08,919
There are people who just light upthe life for those people around her.
134
00:08:08,921 --> 00:08:10,620
And people gravitate to them
135
00:08:10,622 --> 00:08:13,156
like a moth to the flame,
you know? And that was her.
136
00:08:13,158 --> 00:08:15,192
And she also wasvery productive.
137
00:08:15,194 --> 00:08:17,928
Got a lot of things done,she was a very busy person
138
00:08:17,930 --> 00:08:20,130
and managed to jugglelots of different things.
139
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,799
I remember her being on the phone a lot,for example,
140
00:08:22,801 --> 00:08:24,701
and I remember the hand saying,
141
00:08:24,703 --> 00:08:27,237
"Hold on.
Shh! Shh! Hold on."
142
00:08:27,239 --> 00:08:29,706
Whenever I would meet Diane,
143
00:08:29,708 --> 00:08:33,944
I always found that she was in trouble.
144
00:08:33,946 --> 00:08:36,780
Something she'd done.She'd left something in a cab,
145
00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:39,683
or she'd arrive saying, "Oh, you have
to come with me. I have to go there
146
00:08:39,685 --> 00:08:43,753
And as we were walking,you know, she'd be ahead of me
147
00:08:43,755 --> 00:08:46,823
trying to tell me why
everything was in disarray.
148
00:08:46,825 --> 00:08:50,227
Whenever I would see herit seemed as though...
149
00:08:50,229 --> 00:08:52,496
Oh, something was going wrong,
150
00:08:52,498 --> 00:08:54,764
um, it was her fault
151
00:08:54,766 --> 00:08:58,201
and she was trying to sort
it out and correct it.
152
00:08:58,203 --> 00:09:01,071
As I understand it, um,
153
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:03,139
Mum was doing plays
154
00:09:03,141 --> 00:09:06,076
and she met Michaelin one of those plays
155
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:08,245
and she instantly, sort of,fell in love with him.
156
00:09:08,247 --> 00:09:10,814
"In 1965, Michael played Mick
157
00:09:10,816 --> 00:09:13,884
"in The Caretaker's
North American premiere.
158
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:15,519
"He recalled an audience member
159
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:17,621
"coming aroundto the dressing rooms later
160
00:09:17,623 --> 00:09:19,923
"to congratulate the lead actor
161
00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:22,225
"and that he was
introduced to her.
162
00:09:22,227 --> 00:09:24,227
"Her name was Diane.
163
00:09:24,229 --> 00:09:25,795
"And she loved the show so much
164
00:09:25,797 --> 00:09:28,298
"that she came back
twice more during the run."
165
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:30,200
I think Diane
166
00:09:30,202 --> 00:09:33,904
fell in love with...
Not with me,
167
00:09:33,906 --> 00:09:36,273
but with the character
I was playing on stage.
168
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:39,709
The character is somethingthat is so different from me,
169
00:09:39,711 --> 00:09:43,547
it's such an excitingand dominating character.
170
00:09:43,549 --> 00:09:46,182
You can't take your eyesoff that character.
171
00:09:46,184 --> 00:09:48,618
That's absolutely
nothing like me at all,
172
00:09:48,620 --> 00:09:51,621
but you can see
why I would want to play it.
173
00:09:51,623 --> 00:09:56,793
That Diane turns up to watch
a performance by an actor
174
00:09:56,795 --> 00:09:58,762
and as she watchesthat performance,
175
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,631
she sees that person
176
00:10:01,633 --> 00:10:04,734
is exactly what I'd been
looking for all my life,
177
00:10:04,736 --> 00:10:07,904
somebody exciting,somebody full of intrigue.
178
00:10:07,906 --> 00:10:10,006
That's what I'd been
looking for all my life.
179
00:10:10,008 --> 00:10:12,275
"She was an actress herself
180
00:10:12,277 --> 00:10:16,680
"and few months later they'd play
together in The Condemned of Altona.
181
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:18,982
"And that changed their livesirrevocably."
182
00:10:18,984 --> 00:10:21,818
Diane was playingthe part of the actress
183
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:24,588
and me as the German officer.
184
00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:27,724
Once again, this isa fascinating character.
185
00:10:27,726 --> 00:10:31,061
So, even in that play,we were playing two roles
186
00:10:31,063 --> 00:10:34,598
rather than Michael and Diane.
187
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:37,867
And they talked
at a party afterwards
188
00:10:37,869 --> 00:10:41,171
and they got intosome weird discussion
189
00:10:41,173 --> 00:10:43,306
where Dad offered hera drive home
190
00:10:43,308 --> 00:10:45,775
and Mum said okay.
191
00:10:45,777 --> 00:10:48,011
Yes,I did offer to drive her home.
192
00:10:48,013 --> 00:10:51,948
I said, "I got a Mercedes-Benz
sports car sitting outside
193
00:10:51,950 --> 00:10:53,249
"if you want a ride home."
194
00:10:53,251 --> 00:10:56,119
Dad admitted that
he didn't have a car there.
195
00:10:56,121 --> 00:10:58,622
In fact, he didn't even drive.
196
00:10:58,624 --> 00:11:01,057
And Mum was the one
that had a car there.
197
00:11:01,059 --> 00:11:05,662
So somehow, in the story, they're both
lying to go home with each other.
198
00:11:05,664 --> 00:11:09,766
"And then they made love,
Mick and Diane."
199
00:11:09,768 --> 00:11:15,105
"Now, let me continue by telling you
another from Michael's artistic pursuits.
200
00:11:15,107 --> 00:11:16,773
"At about the timeof his marriage to Diane,
201
00:11:16,775 --> 00:11:19,242
"Michael decidedto purchase a movie camera
202
00:11:19,244 --> 00:11:22,212
"and to record their belatedhoneymoon in England.
203
00:11:22,214 --> 00:11:26,416
"Watching it, several features
of his work become apparent."
204
00:11:26,418 --> 00:11:29,986
Every time you see a group
of people in my Super 8 movies,
205
00:11:29,988 --> 00:11:33,156
every time you see a few people,you get interested,
206
00:11:33,158 --> 00:11:36,292
the camera goes away and looksat the roof of a house or something
207
00:11:36,294 --> 00:11:39,696
or disappearsin the distance, so...
208
00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:43,733
This is my way of filming,
was not to include people too much.
209
00:11:43,735 --> 00:11:47,070
"I gather that Diane
did once say that on that trip
210
00:11:47,072 --> 00:11:50,340
"he spent more time gripping at thecamera than he did holding her."
211
00:11:59,784 --> 00:12:02,919
I had a feeling they
were incredibly different people.
212
00:12:02,921 --> 00:12:05,755
It was sort of amazing that they
were together in some ways,
213
00:12:05,757 --> 00:12:07,757
'cause they were
so, so different.
214
00:12:07,759 --> 00:12:11,227
I mean,as excitable that she was most of the time,
215
00:12:11,229 --> 00:12:13,763
he was calm or seemed to be.
216
00:12:13,765 --> 00:12:17,100
He was centeredand inside himself.
217
00:12:17,102 --> 00:12:19,703
And she was so faroutside of herself
218
00:12:19,705 --> 00:12:21,204
that sometimesthere was nothing inside.
219
00:12:21,206 --> 00:12:23,339
Michael was a private person
220
00:12:23,341 --> 00:12:27,210
and Diane was
not a private person.
221
00:12:27,212 --> 00:12:29,779
She really lacked guile.
222
00:12:29,781 --> 00:12:34,751
She did not havetwo faces for the world.
223
00:12:34,753 --> 00:12:37,253
I don't know if she showed
different faces to different people,
224
00:12:37,255 --> 00:12:40,190
but I did sense that
she was a woman of secrets.
225
00:12:41,358 --> 00:12:43,326
But they were artfully hidden.
226
00:12:43,328 --> 00:12:45,895
I mean, they weresubtly hidden.
227
00:12:45,897 --> 00:12:50,100
And because she had a
larger-than-life personality,
228
00:12:50,102 --> 00:12:52,435
you didn't lookfor the subtleties,
229
00:12:52,437 --> 00:12:54,437
because there was the
razzle dazzle in front you.
230
00:12:56,040 --> 00:13:00,477
One of her great strengths,
231
00:13:00,479 --> 00:13:03,079
I think, was her vitality,
232
00:13:03,081 --> 00:13:08,785
her constant determinationto live life to its fullest.
233
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:11,321
I don't have anything like thatin my character whatsoever.
234
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:14,357
I love to play it as an act,
235
00:13:14,359 --> 00:13:17,160
but I can't live itas a human being.
236
00:13:17,162 --> 00:13:21,030
The idea of me jumping out
of bed in the mornings,
237
00:13:21,032 --> 00:13:23,533
running around and doing things
like Diane used to do...
238
00:13:23,535 --> 00:13:26,402
Diane would be doing10 things at the same time,
239
00:13:26,404 --> 00:13:29,038
I'd be doing half of one thing,
you know?
240
00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:32,275
Diane was so attracted
to his mind,
241
00:13:32,277 --> 00:13:37,947
but she yearned for moredemonstrative affection from him.
242
00:13:37,949 --> 00:13:42,852
Dad says that Mum wanted
to have sex a lot more than he did.
243
00:13:42,854 --> 00:13:46,189
When I ask him specific questions, like,about oral sex,
244
00:13:46,191 --> 00:13:49,492
Dad tells me that
that is something that
245
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:54,297
was thought of as something
they did in France.
246
00:13:54,299 --> 00:13:57,300
I sure have never thought
of my dad as a prude.
247
00:13:57,302 --> 00:14:02,272
He will talk about anything and
he is not shocked by anything,
248
00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:04,808
but it's kind of amazing
to think of, that,
249
00:14:04,810 --> 00:14:07,143
you know, oral sex
was something that...
250
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:09,245
Maybe it was,
I don't know, but...
251
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:11,581
But it's amazing to think that,
252
00:14:11,583 --> 00:14:15,819
uh, you know that that was
something that was so
253
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,021
off the radar for him.
254
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:20,423
So, I used to think...
I used to think
255
00:14:21,892 --> 00:14:25,395
a night with a dead wombat
256
00:14:25,397 --> 00:14:27,831
might turn out to be
more exciting
257
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:31,334
than a night with me after you've
been with me for 12 years.
258
00:14:31,336 --> 00:14:35,271
So, who knows?
259
00:14:35,273 --> 00:14:39,242
I mean, I was a good husband,I think, in a providing way,
260
00:14:39,244 --> 00:14:43,379
in terms of my contributionto the household running.
261
00:14:43,381 --> 00:14:46,249
Could you give me a list of the
duties of the average husband
262
00:14:46,251 --> 00:14:49,118
so I could
do a check-off?
263
00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:52,388
She did all the cooking, all the cleaning,
all the taking care of the kids.
264
00:14:52,390 --> 00:14:54,390
He didn't takeany responsibility for us,
265
00:14:54,392 --> 00:14:56,359
he didn't make decisionsabout us, you know?
266
00:14:56,361 --> 00:15:01,231
And he thought thathe had to be responsible.
267
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:03,233
So he gave up acting
268
00:15:03,235 --> 00:15:06,903
and started working at Manufacturers
Life Insurance Company.
269
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:09,372
Mum was frustrated by Michael.
270
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:12,141
She saw Michael asan extremely talented man,
271
00:15:12,143 --> 00:15:15,245
a talented writer,
a very talented actor, singer.
272
00:15:15,247 --> 00:15:20,183
I think in my mind it was,"Look at how hard I have worked
273
00:15:20,185 --> 00:15:23,119
"with very littleGod-given talent.
274
00:15:23,121 --> 00:15:27,090
"And look at this man,who is so talented in so many ways,
275
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,225
"and he's throwing it away."
276
00:15:29,227 --> 00:15:32,929
He was a good writer,but he didn't pursue it.
277
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:35,164
And we all encouraged him.
278
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,667
He just didn't.
279
00:15:37,669 --> 00:15:41,604
She got frustrated with him because
she felt that he was enormously talented
280
00:15:41,606 --> 00:15:45,408
and was too willingto just do things
281
00:15:45,410 --> 00:15:50,046
for the small audience ofhe and Diane and the family.
282
00:15:50,048 --> 00:15:52,515
And while she knew him so well,
283
00:15:52,517 --> 00:15:55,585
she just so enjoyedhis company.
284
00:15:55,587 --> 00:15:57,687
And I think as womenwe do that right,
285
00:15:57,689 --> 00:16:00,156
is that we choosethe person we're in love with,
286
00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:02,492
or sometimes it chooses us.
287
00:16:02,494 --> 00:16:04,327
And then there's
the rest of the life.
288
00:16:08,165 --> 00:16:10,533
In 1978,
289
00:16:10,535 --> 00:16:13,369
she came to me one day
and she said,
290
00:16:13,371 --> 00:16:16,372
"I've been offered a part
291
00:16:16,374 --> 00:16:21,044
"in a play called, oh, Toronto which
is going to take place in Montreal."
292
00:16:21,046 --> 00:16:26,549
"Would you mind if I went off toMontreal for a couple of months?
293
00:16:26,551 --> 00:16:28,985
"Could you look after the kidswhile I'm gone?"
294
00:16:28,987 --> 00:16:30,520
"In truth,
he was more than agreeable.
295
00:16:31,722 --> 00:16:33,022
"He was delighted.
296
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:38,161
"Like many marriages,
perhaps most,
297
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,196
"this one had grown stale.
298
00:16:40,198 --> 00:16:43,599
"The passion of early year
or two had long died.
299
00:16:43,601 --> 00:16:46,235
"Their lifestyles weretotally different.
300
00:16:46,237 --> 00:16:50,073
"Diane loved parties,Michael, solitude.
301
00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:53,142
"Michael loved being aloneand listening to music,
302
00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,144
"Diane danced to it.
303
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:59,415
"She'd often complained of hiscoldness towards her
304
00:16:59,417 --> 00:17:03,152
"and not just in the marriage bed,but in all their time together.
305
00:17:03,154 --> 00:17:05,388
"He knew he disappointed her,
306
00:17:05,390 --> 00:17:10,293
"that he had never lived up to herearlier vision of Mick and Franz
307
00:17:10,295 --> 00:17:12,428
"and he knew he never could."
308
00:17:12,430 --> 00:17:14,130
Dad, can you just
take that line back?
309
00:17:14,132 --> 00:17:15,698
Yeah.
310
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:19,068
God, you pick up all these little mistakes,
don't you, now?
311
00:17:19,070 --> 00:17:24,574
"That he had never lived up to her
earlier visions of Mick and Franz
312
00:17:24,576 --> 00:17:26,676
"and he knew he never could.
313
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:29,379
"So when Diane mentioned
the possibility of acting
314
00:17:29,381 --> 00:17:32,081
"for six or seven
weeks in Montreal,
315
00:17:32,083 --> 00:17:35,585
"Michael was quietly ecstatic
316
00:17:35,587 --> 00:17:38,154
"and openly enthusiastic."
317
00:17:38,156 --> 00:17:39,722
Part of going to Montreal
and doing the play
318
00:17:39,724 --> 00:17:42,091
was trying to sort ofget out of her life.
319
00:17:42,093 --> 00:17:46,396
She wanted to live in
Montreal or somewhere else.
320
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:48,564
She always thought Torontowas such a reserved city
321
00:17:48,566 --> 00:17:50,633
and everybody was so,
322
00:17:50,635 --> 00:17:52,301
you know, work ethic,
323
00:17:52,303 --> 00:17:54,737
people lived to workinstead of work to live,
324
00:17:54,739 --> 00:17:57,173
which has always been more
the Montreal kind of thing.
325
00:17:57,175 --> 00:18:00,410
So it was like a way of her
getting away from that
326
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,779
and doing what she really wanted to do,which was stage.
327
00:18:26,737 --> 00:18:28,771
Can you talk about the play
328
00:18:28,773 --> 00:18:30,773
that you were in togetherin Montreal?
329
00:18:30,775 --> 00:18:32,708
Can you describewhat it was about?
330
00:18:32,710 --> 00:18:34,610
It was a play called Toronto
331
00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:36,312
and it was about a bunch
of people auditioning...
332
00:18:36,314 --> 00:18:37,747
I can't remember the...
333
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:40,450
I can't remember what she did
334
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,618
in this play.
335
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,655
It was about as unmemorableas they get.
336
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:47,723
The guy had writtena lot of great plays
337
00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:49,826
and I guesshe needed some money.
338
00:18:49,828 --> 00:18:52,795
He was writing about his
experiences in the theater world.
339
00:18:52,797 --> 00:18:55,765
I played the directorof his new play
340
00:18:55,767 --> 00:18:58,835
and Wayne Robsonand Geoffrey Bowes
341
00:18:58,837 --> 00:19:01,104
played actorswho came in to audition
342
00:19:01,106 --> 00:19:03,739
and Diane played a reviewer.
343
00:19:03,741 --> 00:19:05,775
I said,
"Diane, you're like a kid
344
00:19:05,777 --> 00:19:08,111
"running at the door
for recess going,
345
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:09,512
"'Yay!'"
346
00:19:09,514 --> 00:19:13,749
I guess it was her first time on theroad on her own for a long time.
347
00:19:13,751 --> 00:19:18,721
In the dressing room,on the stage and then going out afterwards.
348
00:19:18,723 --> 00:19:21,524
She said, "Come down
and have a visit
349
00:19:21,526 --> 00:19:23,559
"and come and see the play."
350
00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,229
During the time that I was there,what was interesting,
351
00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:29,265
I remember her talkingabout Michael a lot,
352
00:19:29,267 --> 00:19:32,368
because Michael was writing
her passionate letters
353
00:19:32,370 --> 00:19:35,371
and, being Diane,she read some of it to me
354
00:19:35,373 --> 00:19:37,473
and I'm going, "But, Diane,this is private."
355
00:19:37,475 --> 00:19:39,242
But the thingabout Diane is that
356
00:19:39,244 --> 00:19:42,411
what was happening in
her life at the moment
357
00:19:42,413 --> 00:19:44,280
was what she talked about.
358
00:19:44,282 --> 00:19:47,316
As she talked, it felt likethis was everything,
359
00:19:47,318 --> 00:19:49,318
that it wastotally confessional
360
00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:52,188
and that you were hearingthe full story of her life,
361
00:19:52,190 --> 00:19:55,558
but I've realized nowit must have been a part.
362
00:19:55,560 --> 00:19:57,560
So what I'm sayingis that she had secrets.
363
00:20:00,197 --> 00:20:03,833
"Michael visited her after
the second rehearsal week
364
00:20:03,835 --> 00:20:05,668
"and found her
more alive and happy
365
00:20:05,670 --> 00:20:07,603
"than she had been
for many years.
366
00:20:08,739 --> 00:20:11,207
"He stayed with her two nights
367
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:15,678
"and they made love again with all the
passion that separation often brings.
368
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,182
"Life was beginning again.
369
00:20:19,184 --> 00:20:22,852
"Oh, you know all about it and
you know it's a delusion.
370
00:20:22,854 --> 00:20:25,621
"'It's all done with mirrors, mate, 'they used to tell me.
371
00:20:27,324 --> 00:20:29,825
"Yes, the mirrors.
372
00:20:29,827 --> 00:20:34,397
"The mirrors in whichyou can see yourself clearly.
373
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,433
"The mirrors through which youcan see what you really look like."
374
00:20:47,711 --> 00:20:51,514
"Diane came backto her Toronto and Michael,
375
00:20:51,516 --> 00:20:54,517
"and went full-timeinto her casting business
376
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:57,453
"with Johnny as her assistant.
377
00:20:57,455 --> 00:21:00,690
"Her relationship,on a sexual level at least, with Michael
378
00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:02,959
"was really blooming again,
379
00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:04,760
"and after the long separation,
380
00:21:04,762 --> 00:21:07,897
"they were
almost like newlyweds.
381
00:21:07,899 --> 00:21:10,700
"A few weeks later,she saw her doctor
382
00:21:10,702 --> 00:21:13,736
"who confirmed her pregnancy.
383
00:21:13,738 --> 00:21:16,906
"When she came home to tell Michael,she was clearly upset.
384
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:20,776
"I have talked to the doctor
and the doctor says it's a bit dangerous
385
00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:23,512
"because of my age."I said, "Oh."
386
00:21:23,514 --> 00:21:26,249
"So what are you gonna do?"And she said, "I think, I...
387
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:29,452
"Should seriously considerhaving an abortion."
388
00:21:29,454 --> 00:21:33,356
I said, "Well,if that's the way you feel about it...
389
00:21:33,358 --> 00:21:34,991
"That's okay with me,this is your decision.
390
00:21:34,993 --> 00:21:36,592
"It's your body
not mine."
391
00:21:36,594 --> 00:21:38,361
"Diane said that
392
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:41,330
"she felt she should
have the baby aborted
393
00:21:41,332 --> 00:21:43,866
"as they couldscarcely afford another.
394
00:21:43,868 --> 00:21:48,337
"He was disappointed, because he did
love children, his in particular,
395
00:21:48,339 --> 00:21:51,540
"but he went alongwith the abortion idea.
396
00:21:51,542 --> 00:21:53,676
"Diane's brother, Bobwas a doctor."
397
00:21:53,678 --> 00:21:55,411
I do recall,
398
00:21:55,413 --> 00:21:57,713
being at the office,
actually, um,
399
00:21:57,715 --> 00:22:00,650
when I got a call from her.
400
00:22:00,652 --> 00:22:04,787
She was quite desperate
because she was about 42
401
00:22:04,789 --> 00:22:08,024
and said that she was pregnant,that it wasn't planned,
402
00:22:08,026 --> 00:22:11,594
that she was desperatelyworried about Down syndrome.
403
00:22:11,596 --> 00:22:14,363
And at the time I was,I think, a bit more
404
00:22:15,565 --> 00:22:17,900
pro-life than pro-choice.
405
00:22:17,902 --> 00:22:19,568
So when your mother called,
406
00:22:19,570 --> 00:22:21,804
I believe that Isteered her towards
407
00:22:21,806 --> 00:22:27,009
Diane did arrange to
go to the hospital for an abortion.
408
00:22:27,011 --> 00:22:30,513
And we were actually on the waydown when she changed her mind.
409
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:32,948
She suddenly said,"I can't go ahead with this."
410
00:22:34,718 --> 00:22:35,718
That is amazing, isn't it?
411
00:22:35,720 --> 00:22:36,819
I mean, how close
412
00:22:37,821 --> 00:22:40,923
we were to you never existing.
413
00:22:40,925 --> 00:22:43,759
Yeah.
414
00:22:43,761 --> 00:22:46,562
It's almost enough to make you
anti-abortionist, isn't it?
415
00:22:50,434 --> 00:22:51,600
She seemed sort of excited,
416
00:22:52,903 --> 00:22:54,937
because it was something new.
417
00:22:54,939 --> 00:22:57,440
She just loved new, you know?
418
00:22:57,442 --> 00:22:59,408
New is what she was all about.
419
00:22:59,410 --> 00:23:01,644
I mean, if there'ssuch a thing as, like,
420
00:23:01,646 --> 00:23:02,978
in that spiritual sense,
421
00:23:02,980 --> 00:23:05,381
old souls and young souls,
422
00:23:05,383 --> 00:23:08,617
she was a really young soul I would say.
423
00:23:08,619 --> 00:23:10,753
I don't think your mother was
424
00:23:10,755 --> 00:23:12,822
elated that she was pregnant.
425
00:23:12,824 --> 00:23:15,691
I do not think so.
No, I do not think so.
426
00:23:15,693 --> 00:23:17,426
I do not.
427
00:23:17,428 --> 00:23:18,561
I do not.
428
00:23:20,932 --> 00:23:26,702
"Diane and Michael did not act
together again until the play Filumena
429
00:23:26,704 --> 00:23:28,971
"by Eduardo de Filippo.
430
00:23:28,973 --> 00:23:31,140
"Diane was to playthe title role
431
00:23:31,142 --> 00:23:36,011
"Someone had seen them togetherin The Condemned of Altona
432
00:23:36,013 --> 00:23:37,646
"and had decidedit would be nice
433
00:23:37,648 --> 00:23:40,416
"to see them togetheron stage once more.
434
00:23:40,418 --> 00:23:42,385
"It was a fine gesture
435
00:23:42,387 --> 00:23:44,954
"and they were delighted
to do the piece."
436
00:23:44,956 --> 00:23:48,157
Filumena was the play
437
00:23:48,159 --> 00:23:51,026
that became the movie,
Marriage Italian Style,
438
00:23:51,028 --> 00:23:54,430
with Marcello Mastroianni
and Sophia Loren.
439
00:23:54,432 --> 00:23:56,065
It's a fascinating story
440
00:23:56,067 --> 00:23:59,668
because they've lived together
and she wants him to marry her.
441
00:24:14,485 --> 00:24:17,486
She, the Sophia Loren part,has been a prostitute,
442
00:24:17,488 --> 00:24:19,855
and somehow,over that period of time,
443
00:24:19,857 --> 00:24:21,791
she has had three sons.
444
00:24:21,793 --> 00:24:23,993
He doesn't even knowshe has three sons.
445
00:24:23,995 --> 00:24:27,930
And she says to him, "I need to get
you to legitimize my children.
446
00:24:27,932 --> 00:24:30,499
"Will you marry me?" And he says,"Why would I marry you?"
447
00:24:30,501 --> 00:24:31,901
And she says...
448
00:24:38,976 --> 00:24:44,713
"Domenico tries to
find out which of the lads is his,
449
00:24:44,715 --> 00:24:46,782
"but he totally fails,
450
00:24:46,784 --> 00:24:49,452
"since each is like himin some ways,
451
00:24:49,454 --> 00:24:51,620
"and completely differentin others.
452
00:24:51,622 --> 00:24:54,824
"In desperation,Domenico marries Filumena
453
00:24:54,826 --> 00:24:58,194
"so that his true son can
have the family he needs
454
00:24:58,196 --> 00:25:00,729
"and the future that one
of his blood deserves.
455
00:25:02,599 --> 00:25:04,767
"Filumena's final words are,
456
00:25:05,769 --> 00:25:08,170
"'Children are children,
457
00:25:08,172 --> 00:25:10,072
"'and they are all equal.'
458
00:25:14,845 --> 00:25:17,646
"And so Diane and Michael played
out their final act together,
459
00:25:18,949 --> 00:25:22,551
"though not knowing
that it was just that."
460
00:25:22,553 --> 00:25:24,787
Did anyone know
she was going to die?
461
00:25:24,789 --> 00:25:28,057
What? Yeah,
we all knew.
462
00:25:28,059 --> 00:25:30,826
Did anyone know she was
gonna die? Well...
463
00:25:30,828 --> 00:25:32,194
When she had cancer?
Mmm-hmm.
464
00:25:32,196 --> 00:25:34,029
Yeah? Did you know?
465
00:25:35,632 --> 00:25:36,966
No, you didn't know.- No.
466
00:25:36,968 --> 00:25:39,134
She was just a mess.
467
00:25:39,136 --> 00:25:41,170
She was very, very,very frightened.
468
00:25:41,172 --> 00:25:42,838
With so much energy,
469
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:44,707
all of her energywas going into her
470
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:47,910
uncertainty and her fearand unhappiness.
471
00:25:47,912 --> 00:25:50,746
And when I hugged her,
it was like holding a...
472
00:25:50,748 --> 00:25:53,616
I don't know if you've ever
held a bird in your hand.
473
00:25:53,618 --> 00:25:56,819
You know, it was terrified and
you'd just feel its heartbeat.
474
00:25:56,821 --> 00:25:58,220
Do you know what I mean?
- Mmm.
475
00:25:58,222 --> 00:26:00,589
She was just shaking.
476
00:26:00,591 --> 00:26:02,658
Did you get the sense
that she knew she was dying?
477
00:26:03,860 --> 00:26:05,928
Yeah. Yeah.
478
00:26:05,930 --> 00:26:08,163
She knew.
479
00:26:08,165 --> 00:26:11,567
I don't thinkDiane ever fully realized.
480
00:26:11,569 --> 00:26:13,569
We never talked aboutany of the things
481
00:26:13,571 --> 00:26:17,740
I mean,when she came out of that last operation,
482
00:26:17,742 --> 00:26:20,943
I came home one day and she
was out in the driveway,
483
00:26:20,945 --> 00:26:24,813
scraping down a table so that she could
repaint it for the house, you know?
484
00:26:24,815 --> 00:26:27,116
Um... So I think,
485
00:26:28,852 --> 00:26:30,786
she didn't have any real sense.
486
00:26:30,788 --> 00:26:32,321
I said to her,
487
00:26:32,323 --> 00:26:34,690
"What on earth are you doing
out here doing the table?"
488
00:26:34,692 --> 00:26:36,892
And she said, "Oh, well...
489
00:26:36,894 --> 00:26:39,628
"We got to get all these tables done,
then we can have 'em all
490
00:26:39,630 --> 00:26:43,065
"varnished the same color
and everything."
491
00:26:43,067 --> 00:26:45,034
I mean, that's not
a person who's...
492
00:26:45,036 --> 00:26:49,572
As it was, turned out,
sort of four or five weeks away from death.
493
00:26:49,574 --> 00:26:52,775
That's a person
who's still planning her...
494
00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:55,177
How the house
is gonna look. You know?
495
00:26:55,179 --> 00:26:57,846
As it progressed,
she was more and more tired
496
00:26:57,848 --> 00:27:00,115
and the treatments were
harder and harder on her.
497
00:27:01,685 --> 00:27:03,953
It was, uh...
498
00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:05,621
Man, she fought
like crazy, you know?
499
00:27:18,034 --> 00:27:22,771
What was it... Like, can you describe
her memorial service at all?
500
00:27:22,773 --> 00:27:25,274
It just seemed like a
really big memorial service
501
00:27:25,276 --> 00:27:27,610
and I just remember, like,a lot of the people that spoke
502
00:27:27,612 --> 00:27:29,745
were, sort of,Canadian celebrity people,
503
00:27:29,747 --> 00:27:32,681
not necessarily the people thatwere closest to Mom in her life,
504
00:27:32,683 --> 00:27:35,084
but I remember thinkingas I was watching it,
505
00:27:35,086 --> 00:27:37,052
"Gee, it's a goodmemorial service,"
506
00:27:37,054 --> 00:27:40,322
and I think it's kind of nice to be
in show business when you die
507
00:27:40,324 --> 00:27:43,192
because the people that speak are, like,
good at speaking.
508
00:27:43,194 --> 00:27:45,361
She was very, very popular so,
509
00:27:45,363 --> 00:27:48,764
as you can imagine,
there were many, many people there,
510
00:27:48,766 --> 00:27:51,834
but, to me, it was
some kind of production.
511
00:27:51,836 --> 00:27:54,637
I felt like I was ata big play or something.
512
00:28:01,978 --> 00:28:04,647
I think in retrospect,
after Mum died,
513
00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:06,915
Dad was depressed.
514
00:28:06,917 --> 00:28:10,252
You know, he seemed very rational
about it as he always does,
515
00:28:10,254 --> 00:28:14,156
but the whole thing about himplaying solitaire all the time
516
00:28:14,158 --> 00:28:17,426
and being even moreisolated than usual,
517
00:28:17,428 --> 00:28:20,329
all suggest that he'd
just sort of shut down.
518
00:28:20,331 --> 00:28:25,200
I mean, going to visit him when
he would be playing solitaire
519
00:28:25,202 --> 00:28:27,369
and wouldn't stop playing.
520
00:28:27,371 --> 00:28:30,139
As he just wanted to
shut the world off.
521
00:28:30,141 --> 00:28:32,408
It was very strange.
522
00:28:32,410 --> 00:28:36,945
It was sort of like walking
into a home of utter neglect,
523
00:28:36,947 --> 00:28:40,716
and almost disuse.
524
00:28:40,718 --> 00:28:42,384
And I remember Dad, um...
525
00:28:44,054 --> 00:28:47,156
Just smoking all day.
526
00:28:47,158 --> 00:28:49,391
And I remember him beingvery angry and upset about,
527
00:28:49,393 --> 00:28:51,260
"You're not taking careof the dog,"
528
00:28:51,262 --> 00:28:55,297
which was a little bit weird,'cause you sort of seemed
529
00:28:55,299 --> 00:28:57,299
like a little kid that nobodywas taking care of.
530
00:28:59,102 --> 00:29:02,304
It really, reallyknocked me out.
531
00:29:02,306 --> 00:29:04,807
And the other childrenhad gone away.
532
00:29:04,809 --> 00:29:07,376
Suddenly there was justyou and I left.
533
00:29:07,378 --> 00:29:10,446
Luckily, I had you there to look afteras well as to look after me, you know?
534
00:29:10,448 --> 00:29:13,315
You were...What, were you 11 then?
535
00:29:13,317 --> 00:29:17,286
The next few years our relationship,
I think, was a very, very...
536
00:29:17,288 --> 00:29:19,988
A great period from my life.
537
00:29:19,990 --> 00:29:23,859
It certainly was an unusualrelationship, too,
538
00:29:23,861 --> 00:29:26,061
in the sense,it's not very often
539
00:29:26,063 --> 00:29:29,064
that a father and a daughterare so close,
540
00:29:29,066 --> 00:29:31,233
because of circumstances.
541
00:29:31,235 --> 00:29:34,203
And so in a way,I felt closer to you
542
00:29:34,205 --> 00:29:36,138
than I'd ever felt aboutthe other children,
543
00:29:36,140 --> 00:29:39,108
because there'd always beenDiane there as well.
544
00:29:39,110 --> 00:29:41,810
Suddenly, there was myselfand this little girl.
545
00:29:41,812 --> 00:29:45,347
Four or five very
close years we had together then.
546
00:29:58,128 --> 00:30:01,497
"Mike remembers a
time or two after Diane had died
547
00:30:01,499 --> 00:30:03,432
"when the children would
come up for a Sunday dinner
548
00:30:03,434 --> 00:30:05,834
"to join Sarah and him.
549
00:30:05,836 --> 00:30:08,937
"And he remembers how,one day, someone said that Sarah
550
00:30:08,939 --> 00:30:11,006
"did not look at alllike her father.
551
00:30:12,542 --> 00:30:16,178
"It's time to go back
many years once more.
552
00:30:16,180 --> 00:30:19,515
"Johnny was working in the living
room on a list for a casting call
553
00:30:19,517 --> 00:30:22,050
"and his motherwas alone in the den.
554
00:30:22,052 --> 00:30:25,921
"Then he thought he heardsomething that sounded like distress,
555
00:30:25,923 --> 00:30:29,458
"and found himself being unableto resist moving a little closer.
556
00:30:29,460 --> 00:30:30,926
"He stopped.
557
00:30:30,928 --> 00:30:35,030
"And there was no doubtthat she was crying."
558
00:30:35,032 --> 00:30:39,868
What I overheard was Mom
saying that she was pregnant
559
00:30:39,870 --> 00:30:42,805
and that she was
considering an abortion.
560
00:30:42,807 --> 00:30:44,873
And that she wasn't sure
who the father was.
561
00:30:48,344 --> 00:30:50,879
But I remember Mom,whoever she was talking to on the phone,
562
00:30:50,881 --> 00:30:53,582
talking about this big weekendthat she and Michael had had
563
00:30:53,584 --> 00:30:56,919
and how it reinvigoratedthe relationship
564
00:30:56,921 --> 00:30:58,487
and he started to write herall these love letters
565
00:30:58,489 --> 00:31:01,089
after the weekendthat they had in Montreal.
566
00:31:01,091 --> 00:31:05,394
It was clear that you had beenconceived while Mom was in Montreal.
567
00:31:05,396 --> 00:31:07,296
"He listened for a while longer
568
00:31:07,298 --> 00:31:09,658
"then hurried guiltily back to
his work in the living room.
569
00:31:10,967 --> 00:31:12,334
"He said nothing.
570
00:31:12,336 --> 00:31:14,236
"And so the event passed
571
00:31:14,238 --> 00:31:16,972
"and John keptit all to himself,
572
00:31:16,974 --> 00:31:20,242
"while an entire generationwent to their graves."
573
00:31:20,244 --> 00:31:24,313
I guess I kind of stoppedthinking about it because,
574
00:31:24,315 --> 00:31:28,617
The family wasbig enough mess already.
575
00:31:28,619 --> 00:31:32,521
Anyways, years later,
when I was in my 20s,
576
00:31:32,523 --> 00:31:34,957
you know,
long after Mom had died,
577
00:31:34,959 --> 00:31:39,228
Anne Tate mentioned something
about somebody in Montreal
578
00:31:39,230 --> 00:31:42,097
when Mum was in Montreal
for that period of time.
579
00:31:42,099 --> 00:31:44,566
Johnny once led me
580
00:31:44,568 --> 00:31:46,335
into talking about that,
581
00:31:46,337 --> 00:31:50,372
because I think I wasquite tight-lipped about it.
582
00:31:50,374 --> 00:31:55,911
I thought that this actor in theplay might have been the father.
583
00:31:55,913 --> 00:31:58,380
Your father, let's say it.
584
00:31:58,382 --> 00:32:02,484
It makes it sound as if she
was terribly promiscuous,
585
00:32:02,486 --> 00:32:05,320
which, in fact,I don't think she was.
586
00:32:05,322 --> 00:32:08,924
But I think she did consider
587
00:32:08,926 --> 00:32:12,461
that it was possible that
it could be this other guy.
588
00:32:12,463 --> 00:32:17,566
Because we used to often havedinner together on weekends,
589
00:32:17,568 --> 00:32:20,469
probably Johnny startedby saying,
590
00:32:20,471 --> 00:32:22,304
"You don't look
much like your father."
591
00:32:22,306 --> 00:32:23,639
I think it was Johnny.
592
00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:25,340
I want to say it was Johnny.
593
00:32:25,342 --> 00:32:27,442
And, actually now,
in retrospect that I know
594
00:32:27,444 --> 00:32:30,212
that Johnny was the first of us who knew,
it must have been Johnny.
595
00:32:30,214 --> 00:32:34,349
I stupidly mentioned it
to Mark, I thought.
596
00:32:34,351 --> 00:32:36,451
Um...
597
00:32:39,088 --> 00:32:43,025
Uh, my lawyer has said I don't
have to talk to you and so...
598
00:32:43,027 --> 00:32:45,360
I'm not gonna say anything more.
599
00:32:45,362 --> 00:32:48,563
I remember Johnny saying
600
00:32:48,565 --> 00:32:52,134
that someone thought thatyour father might be
601
00:32:52,136 --> 00:32:54,403
someone that Mom hadacted with in a play.
602
00:32:54,405 --> 00:32:56,438
And I told himnot to say anything to anyone,
603
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,573
but then they turnedinto a joke.
604
00:32:58,575 --> 00:33:01,043
And I did not participatein the joke, did I?
605
00:33:01,045 --> 00:33:02,978
I don't think I ever did.
- I don't know.
606
00:33:02,980 --> 00:33:05,280
I remember we talked about
how you didn't look like Dad
607
00:33:05,282 --> 00:33:07,082
and Dad joked about it.
608
00:33:07,084 --> 00:33:09,151
I always thought,
609
00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:13,021
"She does look like me,
she's got that little straight nose.
610
00:33:13,023 --> 00:33:16,591
"Yeah, definitely,this is all nonsense, but it's fun.
611
00:33:16,593 --> 00:33:20,162
"Who do you think your father is
this week, Sarah?"
612
00:33:20,164 --> 00:33:22,197
The joke got bigger and bigger
613
00:33:22,199 --> 00:33:26,234
because we'd each compare you
with one of these three actors.
614
00:33:26,236 --> 00:33:28,537
"They all knew of the three
actors in question,
615
00:33:28,539 --> 00:33:30,973
"and had much fun
with the characteristics
616
00:33:30,975 --> 00:33:32,375
"that they had in common
with Sarah.
617
00:33:33,276 --> 00:33:35,610
"Sarah laughed.
618
00:33:35,612 --> 00:33:39,648
"They all laughed and the comparisons
became a recurring source of amusement.
619
00:33:39,650 --> 00:33:44,052
"Was it Tomor Wayne or Geoff?"
620
00:33:44,054 --> 00:33:46,588
Could you just take back that one line?
- Yeah.
621
00:33:46,590 --> 00:33:51,560
"Was it Tom
or Wayne or Geoff?"
622
00:33:51,562 --> 00:33:54,296
Do you remember the
name of the actor in the play
623
00:33:54,298 --> 00:33:56,231
who she thought might be my father?
624
00:33:56,233 --> 00:33:59,501
Yes, of course
I remember his name!
625
00:33:59,503 --> 00:34:01,570
Do you want me to
talk about that?
626
00:34:01,572 --> 00:34:03,372
If...
If you're comfortable.
627
00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:07,376
Well, it depends on whether he's
comfortable, I would think.
628
00:34:07,378 --> 00:34:10,045
I mean, it was Geoff Bowes.
629
00:34:10,047 --> 00:34:12,080
The thinking was that
it was Geoff Bowes.
630
00:34:12,082 --> 00:34:14,416
There was, I guess,
an actor named Geoff Bowes.
631
00:34:14,418 --> 00:34:16,518
Geoff Bowes.
632
00:34:20,556 --> 00:34:22,357
That's what the film
is gonna be like.
633
00:34:22,359 --> 00:34:24,693
Geoff Bowes!
Geoff Bowes!
634
00:34:24,695 --> 00:34:28,463
Johnny pretended,
that she'd mentioned
635
00:34:28,465 --> 00:34:32,100
Geoff Bowes and an affair
with him and so I said,
636
00:34:32,102 --> 00:34:37,039
"Oh, well, okay. I'll tell you.
Yes, she did tell me."
637
00:34:37,041 --> 00:34:40,475
What do you remember me saying?
638
00:34:40,477 --> 00:34:43,345
Uh... I trust you more than
I trust myself right now!
639
00:34:45,114 --> 00:34:48,083
At that point I openedFace to Face with Talent
640
00:34:48,085 --> 00:34:50,719
and looked atGeoff Bowes' picture,
641
00:34:50,721 --> 00:34:53,789
and thought, "Oh, yeah, for sure.Look how much he looks like him.
642
00:34:53,791 --> 00:34:55,524
"And he's shortand he has red hair."
643
00:34:55,526 --> 00:34:57,592
And you were bornwith bright red hair.
644
00:34:57,594 --> 00:34:59,761
I instantly flashed back to Mom
645
00:34:59,763 --> 00:35:03,165
making a huge deal about
you having red hair.
646
00:35:03,167 --> 00:35:05,801
It's like, you know when you're lying
about something, you overplay it?
647
00:35:05,803 --> 00:35:10,605
She had gone on and on about,"How weird it is that Sarah has red hair!
648
00:35:10,607 --> 00:35:14,609
"It's so odd. Well, I guess my
cousin Margaret Anne has red hair."
649
00:35:14,611 --> 00:35:17,412
And that struck me and then
I saw him with the red hair
650
00:35:17,414 --> 00:35:22,284
and I really did think... Yeah,
I really thought it was true.
651
00:35:22,286 --> 00:35:25,687
So at some point,
I think I did start to believe it was true.
652
00:35:25,689 --> 00:35:27,856
And thought someoneshould say something to you.
653
00:35:27,858 --> 00:35:30,826
I feel like we all had a
discussion about it at some point,
654
00:35:30,828 --> 00:35:32,694
we all being everyone but you.
655
00:35:32,696 --> 00:35:34,696
And I think Johnny saidI had a big mouth
656
00:35:34,698 --> 00:35:37,165
and that I was probablygonna tell you or something.
657
00:35:37,167 --> 00:35:40,502
And I was saying,"I think we should tell her."
658
00:35:40,504 --> 00:35:43,271
"Now, I think we should leap
forward to a point several years
659
00:35:43,273 --> 00:35:45,240
"after Diane's death,
660
00:35:45,242 --> 00:35:48,376
"when the jokes with her
family around the dinner table
661
00:35:48,378 --> 00:35:50,412
"were not so funny.
662
00:35:50,414 --> 00:35:52,214
"And since it went further
663
00:35:52,216 --> 00:35:54,316
"and named the memberof the cast of Toronto,
664
00:35:54,318 --> 00:35:56,718
"who was her possible parent,
665
00:35:56,720 --> 00:36:00,422
"she decided,
it was time to take the plunge.
666
00:36:00,424 --> 00:36:02,390
"She phoned Geoff and asked
if they could meet."
667
00:36:04,227 --> 00:36:05,460
You called,
668
00:36:06,496 --> 00:36:10,232
and we arranged to meet,
669
00:36:10,234 --> 00:36:13,235
and you wanted to know about
that time in Montreal.
670
00:36:13,237 --> 00:36:17,372
"Oh, boy. I hope that isn't
too forward or something."
671
00:36:17,374 --> 00:36:20,509
And I remember recountingsome of the same tales.
672
00:36:20,511 --> 00:36:22,878
I hadn't really thoughtabout Diane for a long time,
673
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:26,381
so I recall being pretty sad.
674
00:36:26,383 --> 00:36:29,151
So, since I was 18,
675
00:36:29,153 --> 00:36:32,287
there was this rumor that you
were my biological father.
676
00:36:34,158 --> 00:36:38,927
It's like, how that rumor began,
where did it come from?
677
00:36:38,929 --> 00:36:40,762
And I just wanted to
ask you about that.
678
00:36:40,764 --> 00:36:43,598
Was there ever anything romantic
in your relationship with Mom
679
00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:45,734
or was it always
just friendship?
680
00:36:47,837 --> 00:36:49,938
Uh, it was friendship.
Hmm.
681
00:36:49,940 --> 00:36:52,807
Um, yeah.
I remember you saying...
682
00:36:52,809 --> 00:36:56,311
Being surprised at you saying,
683
00:36:56,313 --> 00:37:00,615
"It's common knowledge
in my family that...
684
00:37:00,617 --> 00:37:02,784
"That my mum
was in love with you."
685
00:37:02,786 --> 00:37:05,253
And I was taken aback at that.
686
00:37:06,455 --> 00:37:09,491
Uh... I was touched.
687
00:37:09,493 --> 00:37:12,827
But, uh, yeah... Um...
688
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,768
"Everything Geoff said
suggested that he was certain
689
00:37:19,770 --> 00:37:24,272
"that Diane had stayedfaithful to Michael,
690
00:37:24,274 --> 00:37:28,543
"but that seed of doubt hadgrown even larger in her mind.
691
00:37:28,545 --> 00:37:32,881
"She thought he was a lovely,open and generous person,
692
00:37:32,883 --> 00:37:36,251
"and yet she felthe was hiding something.
693
00:37:36,253 --> 00:37:40,255
"But, once again,she let the story lie.
694
00:37:40,257 --> 00:37:43,825
"And so the conundrumremained just that.
695
00:37:43,827 --> 00:37:48,263
"One day she chanced to meet
a Montreal producer in Toronto,
696
00:37:48,265 --> 00:37:50,932
"and mentions that she is going
to Montreal in couple of days,
697
00:37:52,335 --> 00:37:54,469
"and the producer says,
698
00:37:54,471 --> 00:37:57,872
"'While you're there, you might
want to meet up with Harry Gulkin.
699
00:37:57,874 --> 00:37:59,975
"'He's an importantfilm producer
700
00:37:59,977 --> 00:38:02,911
"'that your mother worked withas a casting director,
701
00:38:02,913 --> 00:38:06,681
"'and can probably tell you moreabout your mother in those days.'
702
00:38:06,683 --> 00:38:10,585
"And Sarah is very pleased. She always
likes to hear about her mother's life
703
00:38:10,587 --> 00:38:12,387
"before Sarah's birth.
704
00:38:12,389 --> 00:38:14,756
"And she also realizedthat this Harry
705
00:38:14,758 --> 00:38:18,360
"may be able to shed more lighton the possibility of her mother
706
00:38:18,362 --> 00:38:21,296
"having had an affairwith a member of the cast.
707
00:38:21,298 --> 00:38:23,932
"And so, she phonesHarry and asks
708
00:38:23,934 --> 00:38:26,968
"if she could get togetherwith him for a chat."
709
00:38:26,970 --> 00:38:29,471
"Hi, Sarah, and a warm welcome.
710
00:38:29,473 --> 00:38:31,973
"Arnie Gelbart told meyou would like to see me.
711
00:38:31,975 --> 00:38:34,609
"That's good, becauseI would love to see you.
712
00:38:34,611 --> 00:38:37,712
"I can be reached in my office thisafternoon or email me here during the day."
713
00:38:37,714 --> 00:38:42,884
"I always remember my mum talkingabout you with such affection.
714
00:38:42,886 --> 00:38:47,455
"Would you be free at 3:45 tomeet at Excentris for a coffee?"
715
00:38:47,457 --> 00:38:49,291
"He agrees,
716
00:38:49,293 --> 00:38:51,860
"and a couple of days laterthey meet in a restaurant.
717
00:38:51,862 --> 00:38:55,897
"What happens next is what I can
remember of Sarah's relating the event."
718
00:39:02,471 --> 00:39:05,373
I made my way to the
Melies Cafe and there you were.
719
00:39:05,375 --> 00:39:07,942
Sat down and began to chatand you said that
720
00:39:07,944 --> 00:39:13,381
you had wanted to meet me because
your mother had talked about me a lot.
721
00:39:13,383 --> 00:39:16,351
I remember we talkedabout a million things.
722
00:39:16,353 --> 00:39:19,854
You told me how youhad quit school at 15,
723
00:39:19,856 --> 00:39:22,057
and that one of the dominating reasons was
724
00:39:22,059 --> 00:39:23,792
your politics at the time,
725
00:39:23,794 --> 00:39:26,027
and your desire to jointhe class struggle.
726
00:39:26,029 --> 00:39:27,896
That struck me asvery interesting
727
00:39:27,898 --> 00:39:29,898
because I had doneexactly the same thing.
728
00:39:29,900 --> 00:39:32,934
As we became very closeduring that conversation,
729
00:39:32,936 --> 00:39:35,570
we found a whole number
of things in common,
730
00:39:35,572 --> 00:39:38,873
in terms of feelings,reactions, response.
731
00:39:38,875 --> 00:39:40,642
And I remember you
saying as soon as you met him,
732
00:39:40,644 --> 00:39:43,078
you felt at easewith him in a certain way.
733
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,514
And because you felt so at ease with him,you had decided to ask him
734
00:39:46,516 --> 00:39:49,584
if he knew anything about
this rumor about
735
00:39:49,586 --> 00:39:52,654
Geoff Bowes being your dad.
736
00:39:52,656 --> 00:39:56,024
You asked him the question,
"Have you ever heard anything about my mum
737
00:39:56,026 --> 00:39:58,827
"having had an affairwhile she was in Montreal?"
738
00:39:58,829 --> 00:40:01,796
You sort of looked up and you said,
"Do you think it was Geoff Bowes?"
739
00:40:03,032 --> 00:40:05,133
I said, "No."
740
00:40:05,135 --> 00:40:06,601
She said,"Do you know who it was?"
741
00:40:07,603 --> 00:40:09,471
I said, "Yes."
742
00:40:09,473 --> 00:40:11,506
"No, I know that
Geoff Bowes isn't your dad."
743
00:40:11,508 --> 00:40:12,741
And you said,
"How do you know that?"
744
00:40:12,743 --> 00:40:14,104
And he said,
"'Cause I'm your dad."
745
00:40:15,378 --> 00:40:19,814
He said it's possible,
not probable.
746
00:40:19,816 --> 00:40:22,417
I think those were the exact words you
said to me on the phone, were they?
747
00:40:22,419 --> 00:40:25,720
"I thought that's whyyou wanted to speak to me,
748
00:40:25,722 --> 00:40:29,090
"because your mom
and I had an affair."
749
00:40:29,092 --> 00:40:33,461
"In fact, she had
an affair with me."
750
00:40:33,463 --> 00:40:34,662
And I said, "Me."
751
00:40:39,869 --> 00:40:41,703
So you stopped for a moment.
752
00:40:41,705 --> 00:40:44,072
Then you said,"Do you still think so?"
753
00:40:44,074 --> 00:40:46,441
And I said,"After talking to you,
754
00:40:46,443 --> 00:40:49,611
"and looking at you for
close to three hours, yes."
755
00:40:49,613 --> 00:40:50,945
I said, "What do you think?"
756
00:40:50,947 --> 00:40:54,649
And you said,
"Yeah, I think so, too."
757
00:40:54,651 --> 00:40:55,984
"Sarah is speechless.
758
00:40:57,753 --> 00:41:01,656
"She's come all this wayto find out about Geoff,
759
00:41:01,658 --> 00:41:04,092
"and now she's sittingwith her mother's lover."
760
00:41:12,968 --> 00:41:13,968
It was late February,
761
00:41:15,171 --> 00:41:17,071
of 1978.
762
00:41:17,073 --> 00:41:19,474
I was sort of mildly depressed.
763
00:41:19,476 --> 00:41:22,677
Mid-winter, nothing to do,living alone.
764
00:41:22,679 --> 00:41:25,613
And I decided to goto the Centaur Theatre
765
00:41:25,615 --> 00:41:29,217
to see the latest productionof David Fennario.
766
00:41:29,219 --> 00:41:33,021
So I went down there, and after a minute,as the cast came on stage,
767
00:41:33,023 --> 00:41:37,692
I was transfixed by this glorious
lady who was on stage, you know?
768
00:41:37,694 --> 00:41:39,227
Really just bowled over.
769
00:41:39,229 --> 00:41:40,762
When the play was over,
770
00:41:40,764 --> 00:41:43,565
I still had certain reserves
of shyness,
771
00:41:43,567 --> 00:41:47,569
which still remains,
so I didn't go backstage or anything.
772
00:41:47,571 --> 00:41:50,004
And I decided to have a nightcapat what I considered then
773
00:41:50,006 --> 00:41:53,041
my geriatric bar, the Troika.
774
00:41:53,043 --> 00:41:56,044
I ordered a drink and they had asort of schmaltzy Russian trio,
775
00:41:56,046 --> 00:41:58,713
and after about five minutes,who walks in
776
00:41:58,715 --> 00:42:01,649
but this lady who'd been on stagewith some other cast members.
777
00:42:01,651 --> 00:42:03,618
So, I figured,"Oh, my God."
778
00:42:03,620 --> 00:42:06,521
And I sort of sidledinto the middle of the group,
779
00:42:06,523 --> 00:42:08,523
and, you know,I was able to inveigle myself
780
00:42:08,525 --> 00:42:10,859
into the conversationto some degree.
781
00:42:10,861 --> 00:42:14,095
And I did try to separate
Diane from the group.
782
00:42:14,097 --> 00:42:16,798
But after about an hour,it really was hopeless.
783
00:42:16,800 --> 00:42:18,533
It wasn't gonna happen.
784
00:42:18,535 --> 00:42:20,568
It wasn't gonna happen.
785
00:42:20,570 --> 00:42:24,706
When Diane left the Troika,I walked with them and with her
786
00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:28,243
and I was trying again tokind of separate Diane.
787
00:42:28,245 --> 00:42:31,212
And she said, "No." She says,"But we can meet tomorrow night."
788
00:42:31,214 --> 00:42:33,248
We met every night after that
789
00:42:33,250 --> 00:42:34,983
for the remainder of the run,
790
00:42:34,985 --> 00:42:38,753
and there was a very strongmutual attraction.
791
00:42:38,755 --> 00:42:41,556
Very, very powerful thing.
792
00:42:41,558 --> 00:42:44,125
Harry would be down
at the bottom of the stairs.
793
00:42:44,127 --> 00:42:46,861
We were in the upstairs theater andour dressing room was up there.
794
00:42:46,863 --> 00:42:49,731
And it made me thinkof stage-door Johnny's
795
00:42:49,733 --> 00:42:52,200
from those oldBroadway movies, right?
796
00:42:52,202 --> 00:42:54,302
And I remember oncehe asked, "Is Diane there?
797
00:42:54,304 --> 00:42:56,538
"Could you goand tell her that I'm here?"
798
00:42:56,540 --> 00:42:58,306
You know, bound back upstairs, say,
"Harry's here."
799
00:42:58,308 --> 00:43:00,041
"Okay." And then run
back down the stairs.
800
00:43:00,043 --> 00:43:05,680
Harry developed this great,
grand passion for her
801
00:43:05,682 --> 00:43:09,017
and I think of Harryturning to me and saying,
802
00:43:09,019 --> 00:43:11,653
"Isn't she wonderful?Isn't she amazing?"
803
00:43:11,655 --> 00:43:14,556
And I just found this
highly amusing
804
00:43:14,558 --> 00:43:18,860
because I understood
that he was a super smart,
805
00:43:18,862 --> 00:43:22,330
sophisticated man with all kind ofconnections to the film business
806
00:43:22,332 --> 00:43:25,633
but his main topicof conversation with me
807
00:43:25,635 --> 00:43:28,770
was the wonderfulnessof Diane, which was...
808
00:43:28,772 --> 00:43:30,939
I agreed with him,
but it becomes thin
809
00:43:30,941 --> 00:43:34,175
in terms of conversation material,
after a while.
810
00:43:34,177 --> 00:43:36,878
When you're in love like that,
you become utterly selfish.
811
00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:39,047
Hmm.
812
00:43:39,049 --> 00:43:42,750
You know, like, nothing that's happening
to anyone else matters at all,
813
00:43:42,752 --> 00:43:46,254
or is a matter of any consideration.
You just
814
00:43:46,256 --> 00:43:47,722
end up, sort of...
815
00:43:49,224 --> 00:43:51,993
Focused, intense,
816
00:43:51,995 --> 00:43:55,296
and just wanting to consume
817
00:43:55,298 --> 00:43:57,231
the object of your love,
and nothing else
818
00:43:58,634 --> 00:43:59,334
exists.
819
00:44:01,670 --> 00:44:04,072
I visited onceduring the rehearsal period,
820
00:44:04,074 --> 00:44:07,141
and then I think I went upfor the opening night.
821
00:44:07,143 --> 00:44:09,077
I guess Harry would
have been there.
822
00:44:09,079 --> 00:44:13,247
But he wasn't sleeping with her that night,
because I was.
823
00:44:13,249 --> 00:44:15,049
It's funny isn't it?I'm at that party,
824
00:44:15,051 --> 00:44:17,719
a couple of women came up to me
825
00:44:17,721 --> 00:44:22,090
and started hectoring me abouthow badly I treated Diane.
826
00:44:22,092 --> 00:44:24,826
"You really put her downan awful lot, you know."
827
00:44:24,828 --> 00:44:26,060
I was quite stunned.
828
00:44:26,062 --> 00:44:28,129
Nobody before had ever
829
00:44:29,932 --> 00:44:32,200
come right out and said that.
830
00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:35,803
I think certainly I began tothink through this conversation.
831
00:44:35,805 --> 00:44:38,072
"Yeah, they're probably right.
832
00:44:38,074 --> 00:44:41,709
"I am an awful person for putting herdown and if she lacks confidence,
833
00:44:41,711 --> 00:44:45,013
"it may well be because of somethings that I have said in the past."
834
00:44:45,015 --> 00:44:46,748
And suddenly I thought, "Oh.
835
00:44:47,950 --> 00:44:50,118
"I wonder if they
knew about it."
836
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,353
Well, Diane had probablytalked to them about it.
837
00:44:52,355 --> 00:44:54,255
That she was thinkingof leaving me
838
00:44:54,257 --> 00:44:57,158
'cause I was not muchgood for her confidence.
839
00:44:57,160 --> 00:45:01,829
And maybe they were sort ofhalf-warning me of what was going on.
840
00:45:04,767 --> 00:45:08,136
Before she went back
to Toronto,
841
00:45:08,138 --> 00:45:11,939
uh, I asked her to move to
Montreal and to bring her kids here.
842
00:45:11,941 --> 00:45:14,208
It was complex and difficult.
843
00:45:14,210 --> 00:45:18,246
She had this passionate attachmentto her kids and to her husband
844
00:45:18,248 --> 00:45:22,717
and she also had thisattachment to me.
845
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:25,420
And I had an attachmentwhich was completely crazy.
846
00:45:25,422 --> 00:45:29,691
I was besotted,just utterly besotted.
847
00:45:29,693 --> 00:45:31,759
And she was sofull of life, you know?
848
00:45:31,761 --> 00:45:34,429
And you just wanted
to be there.
849
00:45:34,431 --> 00:45:38,866
You just wanted to be there,
I mean it was... It was wild.
850
00:45:38,868 --> 00:45:41,102
How it would have beenhad we been living together?
851
00:45:41,104 --> 00:45:43,171
Well, I really have no idea,- Hmm.
852
00:45:43,173 --> 00:45:48,710
You don't know, like,
what kind of clashes can develop,
853
00:45:48,712 --> 00:45:51,145
although I suspect that
it would have been okay.
854
00:45:51,147 --> 00:45:52,387
I know it would have been okay.
855
00:45:53,215 --> 00:45:54,182
Um...
856
00:45:56,919 --> 00:45:59,087
Uh, both of us,
857
00:45:59,089 --> 00:46:04,859
both Harry and I
met a person who was, uh,
858
00:46:04,861 --> 00:46:07,228
bored with her lifeas it currently was
859
00:46:07,230 --> 00:46:10,198
and wanted something
more exciting. Um...
860
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,867
Did she talk at all
about her first marriage?
861
00:46:17,273 --> 00:46:22,076
Except that it was very acrimoniousand exceedingly difficult.
862
00:46:23,078 --> 00:46:26,080
And her great distress
863
00:46:27,149 --> 00:46:29,917
over losing the kids.
864
00:46:29,919 --> 00:46:33,454
Can you tell the story of
Mum's relationship with your dad?
865
00:46:33,456 --> 00:46:35,523
Uh, well, they were married,
866
00:46:35,525 --> 00:46:39,761
and I don't know how deep
her feelings were for him,
867
00:46:39,763 --> 00:46:41,395
but his feelings were deep.
868
00:46:41,397 --> 00:46:43,865
And it's awful to bein a relationship
869
00:46:43,867 --> 00:46:45,466
where one personloves the other
870
00:46:45,468 --> 00:46:48,035
much more thanthe other person loves them
871
00:46:48,037 --> 00:46:52,106
I think one personloves the other person more,
872
00:46:52,108 --> 00:46:54,075
but hopefully it's close
873
00:46:54,077 --> 00:46:57,445
and hopefully it goes up and
down a little bit, you know?
874
00:46:57,447 --> 00:47:00,515
But it seems to me
you never can both equally
875
00:47:00,517 --> 00:47:02,450
love each other
the same amount.
876
00:47:02,452 --> 00:47:05,386
It's unfortunate,
but it's just sort of a fact of life.
877
00:47:05,388 --> 00:47:07,822
George was
the kind of guy that,
878
00:47:07,824 --> 00:47:10,825
that Mum's parents would
have been very happy with.
879
00:47:10,827 --> 00:47:13,995
He had money andhe had a good job,
880
00:47:13,997 --> 00:47:16,798
so my sense has always beenthat she married him early
881
00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,368
and she married him because he was thekind of person she was supposed to marry.
882
00:47:20,370 --> 00:47:22,804
You know,and I think my dad was really controlling
883
00:47:22,806 --> 00:47:25,306
and my mum wanted to sort ofget out from underneath that.
884
00:47:25,308 --> 00:47:28,509
She was always trying to get
out from under anything
885
00:47:28,511 --> 00:47:33,447
that she felt controlled her or made herfeel like her life was very regulated.
886
00:47:33,449 --> 00:47:35,082
I mean, we all feel that way.
887
00:47:35,084 --> 00:47:37,084
Like, I feel that way
every garbage day,
888
00:47:37,086 --> 00:47:40,922
like, every time I have to take out
the garbage, it's like, "Oh, my God."
889
00:47:40,924 --> 00:47:43,591
It just makes you realize
you're just marking time
890
00:47:43,593 --> 00:47:47,295
and it's just one of
those things that, um...
891
00:47:47,297 --> 00:47:50,097
In fact, I make my boyfriend
take the garbage out now.
892
00:47:50,099 --> 00:47:52,366
Then I don't have to
think about it.
893
00:47:52,368 --> 00:47:55,336
The trigger, the thing that compelled
her to leave then and there
894
00:47:55,338 --> 00:47:58,406
was that I thinkshe really fell in love
895
00:47:58,408 --> 00:48:03,277
and maybe realized, for the first time
in her life, what her life could be.
896
00:48:03,279 --> 00:48:05,413
I think she saved herself.
897
00:48:05,415 --> 00:48:08,416
I think she grabbed on
to a lifebuoy.
898
00:48:08,418 --> 00:48:12,320
I think she made
a choice to live.
899
00:48:12,322 --> 00:48:15,356
I really, really do and, um...
900
00:48:16,358 --> 00:48:17,992
That was with Michael.
901
00:48:17,994 --> 00:48:20,528
She left my dad
in the middle of a fight,
902
00:48:20,530 --> 00:48:23,264
threw her wedding ringin the snow, walked out
903
00:48:23,266 --> 00:48:25,533
and then came backthe next day to get us
904
00:48:25,535 --> 00:48:26,975
and my dad had changedall the locks.
905
00:48:40,449 --> 00:48:43,484
Ultimately, George got
custody of the kids
906
00:48:43,486 --> 00:48:47,388
and that was unheard of
in the '60s
907
00:48:47,390 --> 00:48:51,425
And it was, apparently,the first time in Canada
908
00:48:51,427 --> 00:48:53,628
that a woman had everlost custody of the kids
909
00:48:53,630 --> 00:48:55,363
and it was because
she left for another man
910
00:48:55,365 --> 00:48:58,132
and she wasn't "lady-like."
911
00:49:31,366 --> 00:49:33,034
I missed that line.
912
00:49:41,544 --> 00:49:44,979
I remember all of a suddenmy mum not being around
913
00:49:44,981 --> 00:49:47,715
and I could rememberadults crying
914
00:49:47,717 --> 00:49:50,284
and I couldn't believeadults would be crying.
915
00:49:50,286 --> 00:49:53,220
Seeing my mum with her knees
pulled up to her chest
916
00:49:53,222 --> 00:49:55,423
just rocking back and forth.
917
00:49:55,425 --> 00:49:58,592
I knew as a child,
the worst thing has happened,
918
00:49:58,594 --> 00:50:01,696
I'm not sure what it is,but the worst thing is happening.
919
00:50:01,698 --> 00:50:04,598
And I knew thatthere were other people
920
00:50:04,600 --> 00:50:07,401
who were gonna decidewhat happened to me
921
00:50:07,403 --> 00:50:09,704
and what happened to my mum.
922
00:50:09,706 --> 00:50:11,539
It... I had no control.
923
00:50:12,542 --> 00:50:17,478
'Cause had we been asked we wouldhave said we want to live with our mum.
924
00:50:17,480 --> 00:50:19,347
For sure, both of us
would've. At that age
925
00:50:19,349 --> 00:50:21,716
who, you know...
That's what you want.
926
00:50:21,718 --> 00:50:25,386
We'd have visitationwith my mum once a month,
927
00:50:25,388 --> 00:50:27,655
but we lived with my dad
928
00:50:27,657 --> 00:50:30,024
and there werecouple of caregivers.
929
00:50:30,026 --> 00:50:31,759
One of them was an older woman
930
00:50:31,761 --> 00:50:34,695
who was physically abusive.
931
00:50:34,697 --> 00:50:36,998
A successive stepmother
who abused us,
932
00:50:37,000 --> 00:50:40,067
you can keep this in.
I don't care.
933
00:50:40,069 --> 00:50:42,336
I remember when Mumused to drive us home,
934
00:50:42,338 --> 00:50:45,172
when she'd say goodbye to us,all the time, she would cry and cry
935
00:50:45,174 --> 00:50:49,110
and I remember years laterreminiscing back on that,
936
00:50:49,112 --> 00:50:51,178
how she would cry and cry
and we'd be crying,
937
00:50:51,180 --> 00:50:54,048
then we'd have to say goodbye
and go into the house
938
00:50:54,050 --> 00:50:56,050
and it was like
we didn't want to leave
939
00:50:56,052 --> 00:50:57,292
'cause we wanted
to be with her.
940
00:51:01,123 --> 00:51:02,556
Hmm.
941
00:51:05,527 --> 00:51:07,728
But I would think that
would just eat away at you
942
00:51:07,730 --> 00:51:09,730
every day of your life,right? That you missed
943
00:51:09,732 --> 00:51:12,333
so many moments with your kids.
944
00:51:12,335 --> 00:51:15,469
And, you know,
so that's the happy stuff, right?
945
00:51:15,471 --> 00:51:16,604
You'd miss the happy stuff,
946
00:51:18,273 --> 00:51:20,808
but into that,
that you'd miss...
947
00:51:20,810 --> 00:51:24,178
Uh, that she would have
found out, ultimately,
948
00:51:24,180 --> 00:51:27,381
that she not only missed that,
but she wasn't there to...
949
00:51:34,624 --> 00:51:37,591
Um,
she wasn't there to protect them.
950
00:51:42,197 --> 00:51:43,164
Um...
951
00:51:45,834 --> 00:51:48,436
It's really bad
being a parent, stupid,
952
00:51:50,172 --> 00:51:51,892
'cause you're...
I mean, really, you know...
953
00:51:55,110 --> 00:51:56,677
You really, uh,
954
00:51:58,113 --> 00:52:00,081
thought of your
kid getting hurt
955
00:52:00,083 --> 00:52:02,450
and you not being there
to protect them.
956
00:52:02,452 --> 00:52:04,518
You know that's gonna happen,
957
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:08,522
but, um, Mum must have thought,
958
00:52:08,524 --> 00:52:11,759
like, "What did I do wrong
that led to this?" That...
959
00:52:19,501 --> 00:52:23,170
So I think being backmust have been terrible
960
00:52:23,172 --> 00:52:27,274
and must have made hersad all the time, right?
961
00:52:27,276 --> 00:52:31,745
And, you know, maybe that's also what I,sort of, pieced together and try...
962
00:52:31,747 --> 00:52:35,116
Making this assumption, that she was
just keeping busy to forget the pain.
963
00:52:38,553 --> 00:52:41,234
Did you get a sense that she
felt guilty about the loss of her kids?
964
00:52:41,857 --> 00:52:44,391
Yes. Oh, yes.
965
00:52:46,828 --> 00:52:51,198
I think that it lodged a certainlevel of insecurity into her,
966
00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,534
which I think had some bearing
967
00:52:53,536 --> 00:52:55,269
on her decision not to
968
00:52:56,438 --> 00:52:58,506
come live with me.
969
00:52:58,508 --> 00:53:01,142
I can't imagine thatshe didn't struggle with it,
970
00:53:01,144 --> 00:53:05,246
but there was the fact that there wasa house and a bunch of kids living in it,
971
00:53:05,248 --> 00:53:08,649
that would have kept her and Iguess she would have felt that
972
00:53:08,651 --> 00:53:11,385
that was the right choicefor her children,
973
00:53:11,387 --> 00:53:16,490
and maybe for her, too.
Maybe she still hoped that
974
00:53:16,492 --> 00:53:18,492
her and Dad would fall in
love again or something.
975
00:53:21,163 --> 00:53:24,365
A few months after we
had first made contact in Montreal,
976
00:53:24,367 --> 00:53:27,501
she phoned me and she told
me that she was pregnant.
977
00:53:27,503 --> 00:53:30,404
And she said that she thought
that I was the father.
978
00:53:30,406 --> 00:53:35,676
What she communicated to me,what I got from her was almost a thrill.
979
00:53:35,678 --> 00:53:38,679
So in terms of the relationshipwith Michael and the house,
980
00:53:38,681 --> 00:53:42,716
In terms of the relationship with me,she was thrilled.
981
00:53:42,718 --> 00:53:46,187
I thought that would help me in my cause,in my pursuit.
982
00:53:46,189 --> 00:53:49,323
I mean, quite apart fromthe anticipation of a child,
983
00:53:49,325 --> 00:53:54,428
I felt, well, this is a quiver in my bow,
you know?
984
00:53:54,430 --> 00:53:57,731
I mean, we have sort of more
than an affair to deal with,
985
00:53:57,733 --> 00:53:59,900
we have a child.
986
00:53:59,902 --> 00:54:04,939
She sent me that picture
holding you as a tiny infant.
987
00:54:04,941 --> 00:54:08,475
And then she sent me a picture byyourself when you were one year old.
988
00:54:12,314 --> 00:54:16,250
Subsequently, business broughtme to Toronto quite frequently,
989
00:54:16,252 --> 00:54:18,519
so I was there quite oftenand I would see Diane.
990
00:54:18,521 --> 00:54:21,689
She would come to Montrealreasonably often.
991
00:54:21,691 --> 00:54:24,391
Diane would introduce meto all her friends,
992
00:54:24,393 --> 00:54:26,994
so our affair wasa pretty open thing,
993
00:54:26,996 --> 00:54:29,530
because you need that, too,and somehow you want that
994
00:54:29,532 --> 00:54:32,700
in terms of a love affair,you need witnesses.
995
00:54:32,702 --> 00:54:35,636
You need witnesses
which, sort of, confirm you.
996
00:54:35,638 --> 00:54:38,572
I think it was...
It was very discreet.
997
00:54:38,574 --> 00:54:42,443
I don't think it wasreally common knowledge.
998
00:54:42,445 --> 00:54:44,812
I think there werea number of people who knew,
999
00:54:44,814 --> 00:54:46,780
but nobody evertalked about it.
1000
00:54:46,782 --> 00:54:49,750
I told her I would never discuss
it with anyone and I never did.
1001
00:54:50,919 --> 00:54:55,256
I promised,
and she was my buddy,
1002
00:54:55,258 --> 00:54:58,392
and there was no way on God's
earth I was gonna talk about it.
1003
00:54:58,394 --> 00:55:00,261
I couldn't do that to her.
1004
00:55:00,263 --> 00:55:01,962
So there wasthis strange situation
1005
00:55:01,964 --> 00:55:04,498
of an opennessof an ongoing affair
1006
00:55:04,500 --> 00:55:06,834
which went on for,I believe, a couple of years
1007
00:55:06,836 --> 00:55:08,669
in Montreal and in Toronto,
1008
00:55:08,671 --> 00:55:13,274
and yet no possibility of it ever
developing into anything more.
1009
00:55:13,276 --> 00:55:15,609
What became clearat a certain point,
1010
00:55:15,611 --> 00:55:17,845
was that you were gonna grow up
1011
00:55:17,847 --> 00:55:23,984
and there was not only no point,that it would be absolutely a mistake
1012
00:55:23,986 --> 00:55:26,053
to cast a shadow on that.
1013
00:55:51,046 --> 00:55:52,980
She operatedon all these levels.
1014
00:55:52,982 --> 00:55:55,015
She was loyalon all these levels.
1015
00:55:55,017 --> 00:55:58,419
I think that she hadthe strength and the ability
1016
00:55:58,421 --> 00:55:59,953
to keep allher loyalties going,
1017
00:56:00,956 --> 00:56:03,724
I mean,the distance didn't help.
1018
00:56:03,726 --> 00:56:06,627
I mean, that, uh...
1019
00:56:06,629 --> 00:56:09,697
But on the other hand,
to some degree, intensified it
1020
00:56:09,699 --> 00:56:13,667
because, you know,there's the longing that was involved
1021
00:56:13,669 --> 00:56:16,904
and I think that we remained
in love for a very long time.
1022
00:56:25,480 --> 00:56:29,616
I remember at Diane's funeral,
1023
00:56:29,618 --> 00:56:31,518
they said, "You know,anybody can speak,
1024
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:35,055
And I said, "That, I thought,would be very stupid.
1025
00:56:35,057 --> 00:56:37,858
"In what capacity I should speak?"So I didn't.
1026
00:56:37,860 --> 00:56:42,663
When it was over, I went to say my
farewells and goodbyes to the family,
1027
00:56:42,665 --> 00:56:45,933
and I went to put my armsaround Michael,
1028
00:56:45,935 --> 00:56:48,001
and I felt that he frozein my arms,
1029
00:56:48,003 --> 00:56:50,003
that he was uncomfortablewith that.
1030
00:56:50,005 --> 00:56:51,538
That's what made me think that
1031
00:56:51,540 --> 00:56:53,500
perhaps Michael really knew,
perhaps she told him.
1032
00:56:54,442 --> 00:56:55,809
What?
1033
00:56:55,811 --> 00:56:58,545
Do you remember
meeting Harry there?
1034
00:56:58,547 --> 00:57:00,647
I don't think he was there,
was he? SARAH: Think so, yeah.
1035
00:57:00,649 --> 00:57:03,050
Was he there?
- Yeah.
1036
00:57:03,052 --> 00:57:05,552
Oh, no, I...
I didn't meet him there.
1037
00:57:05,554 --> 00:57:07,821
Oh.
1038
00:57:07,823 --> 00:57:11,592
I remember Anne Tait,who was the Master of Ceremonies.
1039
00:57:11,594 --> 00:57:13,494
She was speaking of Dianeand then she said,
1040
00:57:13,496 --> 00:57:16,463
"And you know,sometimes Diane was a flirt,
1041
00:57:16,465 --> 00:57:17,898
"but her heart
belonged to Michael."
1042
00:57:22,637 --> 00:57:24,938
On the way outafter the ceremony,
1043
00:57:24,940 --> 00:57:28,609
your aunt, Anne,Michael's sister, she said to me,
1044
00:57:28,611 --> 00:57:32,079
"You see, Harry?Her heart really belonged to Michael."
1045
00:57:32,081 --> 00:57:35,749
So that sort of put paid to mysense of any further contact
1046
00:57:35,751 --> 00:57:39,486
with the Polley family,if I ever had had any sense that I should.
1047
00:57:39,488 --> 00:57:41,622
I figured I really better back right off,which I did,
1048
00:57:41,624 --> 00:57:48,529
I found her dying upsetting, then I found
my inability, in those circumstances,
1049
00:57:48,531 --> 00:57:51,432
to do a proper farewelland to be part of it,
1050
00:57:51,434 --> 00:57:54,635
something that I felt
bad about and regretted.
1051
00:57:54,637 --> 00:57:56,203
Mmm.
1052
00:57:56,205 --> 00:57:59,072
Whenever Harry spoke of Diane,
1053
00:57:59,074 --> 00:58:02,976
from the beginning,
he mentioned that she had had a daughter
1054
00:58:02,978 --> 00:58:04,912
as a result of their affair,
1055
00:58:04,914 --> 00:58:11,919
but all those years that he never saw you,it was never discussed.
1056
00:58:11,921 --> 00:58:14,154
Whenever I'd see articlesabout you or anything,
1057
00:58:14,156 --> 00:58:16,056
I'd say, "Harry,did you see the article?"
1058
00:58:16,058 --> 00:58:18,926
Just so that he'd be awareof what was happening.
1059
00:58:18,928 --> 00:58:22,830
But the day when he went downto meet you and came home,
1060
00:58:22,832 --> 00:58:25,966
it was like the world changed.
1061
00:58:25,968 --> 00:58:28,802
He was so happy
1062
00:58:28,804 --> 00:58:30,904
he could havea relationship with you.
1063
00:58:30,906 --> 00:58:35,175
So his whole world changedafter that cafe meeting with you.
1064
00:58:35,177 --> 00:58:37,611
Through all the years thatthat never happened,
1065
00:58:37,613 --> 00:58:39,713
he never complained,he never said, "I wish."
1066
00:58:39,715 --> 00:58:42,082
I don't even think
he said it to himself.
1067
00:58:42,084 --> 00:58:44,718
You know, he'd just,
"If it's not gonna happen,
1068
00:58:44,720 --> 00:58:46,820
"if I can't do
anything about it,
1069
00:58:46,822 --> 00:58:50,257
"I don't see it, it does not exist."
That's the way he lives.
1070
00:58:50,259 --> 00:58:56,997
We began what was almost afrantic series of email exchanges
1071
00:58:56,999 --> 00:58:58,899
about continuing the encounter.
1072
00:58:58,901 --> 00:59:00,634
There was an intensity,
1073
00:59:00,636 --> 00:59:04,137
just really
an incredible intensity
1074
00:59:04,139 --> 00:59:06,139
of affection, of love,
I mean, it was...
1075
00:59:07,809 --> 00:59:09,810
Well, having gotten
to know you,
1076
00:59:09,812 --> 00:59:12,212
much of that has dissipated, you know,
it's gone away, but...
1077
00:59:20,923 --> 00:59:23,524
"Hi, Harry,it was great to meet you.
1078
00:59:23,526 --> 00:59:25,792
"A complete pleasureand quite an occasion.
1079
00:59:25,794 --> 00:59:28,529
"I had no ideait would be so eventful.
1080
00:59:28,531 --> 00:59:31,265
"It was really just an afterthought toask you about my mother's personal life.
1081
00:59:31,267 --> 00:59:34,868
"It just came out of feeling verycomfortable with you and thinking,
1082
00:59:34,870 --> 00:59:36,937
"'Why not ask himwhat he knows?'
1083
00:59:36,939 --> 00:59:40,541
"And then, well,what a delight to get so much information.
1084
00:59:40,543 --> 00:59:42,309
"I hope we can stay in touch.
1085
00:59:42,311 --> 00:59:44,778
"It was so greatto spend some time.
1086
00:59:44,780 --> 00:59:46,914
"Now I'll watchthe documentary about you.
1087
00:59:46,916 --> 00:59:49,249
"What a handy toolin a situation like this,
1088
00:59:49,251 --> 00:59:52,319
"to have an educational DVD on yourpreviously unknown biological father."
1089
00:59:52,321 --> 00:59:58,992
Making his way from
communism to commerce to culture,
1090
00:59:58,994 --> 01:00:01,595
Harry's many livessometimes feel
1091
01:00:01,597 --> 01:00:05,265
like the cross-work patchesof a harlequin costume.
1092
01:00:05,267 --> 01:00:08,302
When I first met Harry,he was a film producer
1093
01:00:08,304 --> 01:00:11,605
and Lies My Father Told Me had
won Hollywood's Golden Globe
1094
01:00:11,607 --> 01:00:13,307
for Best Foreign Film.
1095
01:00:13,309 --> 01:00:17,311
The script by Ted Allanwas nominated for an Oscar.
1096
01:00:17,313 --> 01:00:21,214
Lies My Father Told Me gave the
fledgling Canadian film industry
1097
01:00:21,216 --> 01:00:24,284
artistic andprofessional credentials.
1098
01:00:24,286 --> 01:00:26,019
"Hello, again, Sarah.
1099
01:00:26,021 --> 01:00:27,955
"I confess our encounterhas stayed up
1100
01:00:27,957 --> 01:00:29,990
"for most of myconsciousness, too.
1101
01:00:29,992 --> 01:00:32,059
"The emotions are conflicting.
1102
01:00:32,061 --> 01:00:36,163
"Joy of discovery,sweet memory obscured by sadness,
1103
01:00:36,165 --> 01:00:40,167
"and some concern as to how this
reasonable, but unproven, assumption
1104
01:00:40,169 --> 01:00:43,270
"might affect you,as well as your family.
1105
01:00:43,272 --> 01:00:46,039
"We really need to takesome time out to discuss this.
1106
01:00:46,041 --> 01:00:48,709
"Meanwhile, I suspectit would be prudent
1107
01:00:48,711 --> 01:00:51,678
"not to broadcastthis putative discovery.
1108
01:00:51,680 --> 01:00:55,682
"In that respect, you would not be
following in Diane's footsteps.
1109
01:00:55,684 --> 01:00:58,285
"She was apparentlyvery pleased with the idea
1110
01:00:58,287 --> 01:01:01,154
"and didn't hesitateto share it with some others.
1111
01:01:01,156 --> 01:01:03,256
"What is beyond dispute,
1112
01:01:03,258 --> 01:01:06,960
"is that we have becomeclose and loving friends."
1113
01:01:06,962 --> 01:01:10,163
"Hi, there.I would love to discuss this some more.
1114
01:01:10,165 --> 01:01:13,300
"It's been interesting talking
to my brother, Johnny, about it.
1115
01:01:13,302 --> 01:01:16,403
"We're both tremendously
afraid of my dad finding out.
1116
01:01:16,405 --> 01:01:19,006
"It would destroy him, I think.
1117
01:01:19,008 --> 01:01:22,075
"So I'm quite resolved to not lethim know about our conversation.
1118
01:01:22,077 --> 01:01:25,012
"However, I have been thinking thatI'd really love to know for myself.
1119
01:01:25,014 --> 01:01:27,080
"I'm not sure why,but it feels like an odd question
1120
01:01:27,082 --> 01:01:29,082
"to not have answeredonce it's been raised."
1121
01:01:29,084 --> 01:01:31,685
"Now was the moment
when Sarah had suggested
1122
01:01:31,687 --> 01:01:34,921
"that a DNA test would settlethe matter once and for all.
1123
01:01:34,923 --> 01:01:38,291
"Harry resisted and saidhe'd like to think it over.
1124
01:01:38,293 --> 01:01:41,395
"He was worried what effect itwould have on Michael and his family
1125
01:01:41,397 --> 01:01:43,930
"if it turned outthat Harry was the father.
1126
01:01:43,932 --> 01:01:46,066
"And he wasn't too surehow he would feel
1127
01:01:46,068 --> 01:01:48,969
"if Michael turned out to bethe sperm donor.
1128
01:01:48,971 --> 01:01:52,873
"To save all hurts,
why not leave things as they are?"
1129
01:01:52,875 --> 01:01:54,908
Dad, can you take that line back again?
- Yeah.
1130
01:01:54,910 --> 01:01:57,010
"To save all hurts,
1131
01:01:57,012 --> 01:01:59,312
"why not leave things
as they are?"
1132
01:02:02,383 --> 01:02:05,719
The weekend you cameto do the DNA test,
1133
01:02:05,721 --> 01:02:08,422
you walked in the doorand it was kind of like,
1134
01:02:08,424 --> 01:02:11,825
"Well, let's put the spit on thestick first and get it over with."
1135
01:02:11,827 --> 01:02:13,727
I think it was one of
the first things we did.
1136
01:02:13,729 --> 01:02:16,363
You came in, you sat down,
get out the stick, you both spit.
1137
01:02:16,365 --> 01:02:20,400
You put 'em in and so we got thatout of the way with lots of laughter.
1138
01:02:20,402 --> 01:02:23,437
And then, I think you werestaying in our office,
1139
01:02:23,439 --> 01:02:27,741
and Cathy had given Harry apicture of herself with a big smile
1140
01:02:27,743 --> 01:02:29,810
and I had put it on his desk
1141
01:02:29,812 --> 01:02:32,813
and you look at the pictureand you said,
1142
01:02:32,815 --> 01:02:36,116
"Oh, my God,we've got the same mouth!"
1143
01:02:36,118 --> 01:02:39,086
So I ran inand I looked at the picture
1144
01:02:39,088 --> 01:02:42,089
and I looked at your smile and Ilooked at Cathy's and I thought,
1145
01:02:42,091 --> 01:02:47,828
"You know, this is gonna work.
This is the same family."
1146
01:02:47,830 --> 01:02:50,731
"On Monday,
January the 22nd, 2007,
1147
01:02:51,933 --> 01:02:55,035
"Sarah's life changed forever.
1148
01:02:55,037 --> 01:02:58,472
"She opened the registered
letter and read the results.
1149
01:02:58,474 --> 01:03:00,407
"It recorded that Harry Gulkin
1150
01:03:00,409 --> 01:03:03,343
"was Sarah Polley'sbiological father
1151
01:03:03,345 --> 01:03:07,347
"and that the test resultswere 99 % certain."
1152
01:03:07,349 --> 01:03:09,750
99.97 %.
1153
01:03:09,752 --> 01:03:12,452
Sure, that was the level
of probability.
1154
01:03:12,454 --> 01:03:16,323
"I won't even try to guess
what her thoughts were,
1155
01:03:16,325 --> 01:03:20,961
"as she digested
that stunning discovery."
1156
01:03:20,963 --> 01:03:23,430
Twenty-eight years of
sitting on something like that
1157
01:03:23,432 --> 01:03:28,535
And having the abilityto know it indeed is true
1158
01:03:28,537 --> 01:03:32,139
was just sheer delight,exuberance.
1159
01:03:32,141 --> 01:03:36,109
"It's 99.9997 sure,
1160
01:03:36,111 --> 01:03:38,078
"I'm her father, yay!"
1161
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:40,547
I use the expression"the honeymoon period."
1162
01:03:40,549 --> 01:03:42,282
Nothing but,"Isn't life wonderful?"
1163
01:03:42,284 --> 01:03:48,188
"Hi, Sarah. I want to get up
to Toronto as soon as feasible
1164
01:03:48,190 --> 01:03:50,524
"during one ofthe next few weekends
1165
01:03:50,526 --> 01:03:53,093
"so that I can introduce Cathyto her kid sister,
1166
01:03:53,095 --> 01:03:57,831
"It is understood that all of this willbe done with the understanding
1167
01:03:57,833 --> 01:04:00,300
"that the news is notfor general consumption.
1168
01:04:00,302 --> 01:04:03,103
"As for me,my heart is dancing.
1169
01:04:03,105 --> 01:04:06,373
"Sarah, for me, you're the bearer
and the incarnation of pure joy.
1170
01:04:06,375 --> 01:04:08,975
"Love, Harry... Daddy."
1171
01:04:08,977 --> 01:04:12,279
I opened the door,
you were at the door.
1172
01:04:12,281 --> 01:04:17,384
And you were wearing the
identical sweatshirt I was wearing.
1173
01:04:17,386 --> 01:04:19,920
I have yet to see anyone
else wear that sweatshirt.
1174
01:04:19,922 --> 01:04:24,558
And then, of course, you smiled and
I saw the identical gummy grin
1175
01:04:24,560 --> 01:04:28,328
that I have, that I haven't seen
on very many people, either.
1176
01:04:28,330 --> 01:04:31,264
And I went, "Yeah, yeah,we share DNA, that's for sure."
1177
01:04:31,266 --> 01:04:33,600
We express ourselves, I think,in a really similar way, you know?
1178
01:04:33,602 --> 01:04:37,103
We wave our arms around,we giggle a lot.
1179
01:04:37,105 --> 01:04:41,341
And then we realize thatwe could talk our heads off
1180
01:04:41,343 --> 01:04:45,545
for hours and hours and hours and hoursand never run out of things to say.
1181
01:04:45,547 --> 01:04:48,381
"Hi, Harry.Still thinking about the weekend.
1182
01:04:48,383 --> 01:04:51,451
"It was so great to meet Cathyand spend some time with you.
1183
01:04:51,453 --> 01:04:54,020
"I think our Passover plansare all in order.
1184
01:04:54,022 --> 01:04:56,289
"First timeI've ever written that.
1185
01:04:56,291 --> 01:05:00,360
"I'm having a strange onslaughtof guilt about my dad in all this.
1186
01:05:00,362 --> 01:05:03,430
"Sorting it through,but it's not at all easy or uncomplicated,
1187
01:05:03,432 --> 01:05:05,498
"as you warned.
1188
01:05:05,500 --> 01:05:08,201
"I'm sure time will makethings clearer and easier.
1189
01:05:08,203 --> 01:05:11,037
"Looking forwardto seeing you again soon."
1190
01:05:11,039 --> 01:05:12,973
"Nothing could changeabout her love for Michael
1191
01:05:12,975 --> 01:05:14,875
"or for those who hadsuddenly become
1192
01:05:14,877 --> 01:05:17,344
"half-sistersand half-brothers.
1193
01:05:17,346 --> 01:05:21,181
"But now she had an entirelynew half-family to get to know.
1194
01:05:23,050 --> 01:05:24,951
"Soon after readingthat registered letter,
1195
01:05:24,953 --> 01:05:28,021
"Sarah tells the newsto her brothers and sisters
1196
01:05:28,023 --> 01:05:31,091
"and the question of whetherI should be told is now raised.
1197
01:05:31,093 --> 01:05:34,327
"Seems that only Mark feltI could handle it,
1198
01:05:34,329 --> 01:05:38,231
"but the consensus was that therereally was no need to risk upsetting me
1199
01:05:38,233 --> 01:05:41,668
"and life could continue
smoothly with me in ignorance."
1200
01:05:41,670 --> 01:05:46,306
Can you talk about the impact
that this news had on our family?
1201
01:05:46,308 --> 01:05:49,609
I don't get the sensethat much changed in our family.
1202
01:05:49,611 --> 01:05:52,078
Um... Oh, except that
we all got divorced.
1203
01:05:54,249 --> 01:05:57,517
Forgot about that. Whoops.
Um...
1204
01:05:57,519 --> 01:06:01,488
Except all three daughtersgot divorced.
1205
01:06:01,490 --> 01:06:03,189
Yeah, good point.
1206
01:06:04,191 --> 01:06:06,026
Good point.
1207
01:06:06,028 --> 01:06:08,428
Yeah, God, I guess we all...
1208
01:06:08,430 --> 01:06:10,597
We all had interesting
reactions to it.
1209
01:06:10,599 --> 01:06:12,999
I feel like Mark
worked the other way.
1210
01:06:13,001 --> 01:06:16,002
He worked to solidifythe family he had.
1211
01:06:16,004 --> 01:06:19,472
And we three daughtershightailed it.
1212
01:06:21,609 --> 01:06:25,111
So other than that, nothing.
1213
01:06:25,113 --> 01:06:29,516
It does sort of make you alter the
way that you look at your relationship.
1214
01:06:29,518 --> 01:06:32,385
A truth like that that opens up
1215
01:06:32,387 --> 01:06:35,121
kind of begets other truths.
1216
01:06:35,123 --> 01:06:38,358
And when you discover truthslike that,
1217
01:06:38,360 --> 01:06:43,997
how you think about truths
within that are concealed...
1218
01:06:43,999 --> 01:06:49,970
when you hear about someone
doing that and breaking the rules,
1219
01:06:49,972 --> 01:06:52,539
it breaks a kind of tabooand it makes you think,
1220
01:06:52,541 --> 01:06:54,708
"We're all struggling withthe same kinds of problems
1221
01:06:54,710 --> 01:06:57,510
"and look at the messshe got into
1222
01:06:57,512 --> 01:07:00,246
"trying to look likeeverything was okay."
1223
01:07:00,248 --> 01:07:03,650
It seemed to me like it was
difficult for Mark, I think.
1224
01:07:03,652 --> 01:07:08,021
The biggest thing with him, I got,was that he was disappointed in Mum.
1225
01:07:08,023 --> 01:07:09,556
Did you get that?- Mmm-hmm.
1226
01:07:09,558 --> 01:07:11,391
I think that was it.
1227
01:07:11,393 --> 01:07:14,127
He was disappointed
and sort of surprised
1228
01:07:14,129 --> 01:07:17,030
and, um, I guess, I wasn't.
1229
01:07:17,032 --> 01:07:20,633
I think the main thing that I felt
after hearing the news about Harry,
1230
01:07:20,635 --> 01:07:24,070
was my feeling critical of Mum
1231
01:07:24,072 --> 01:07:29,409
she was reckless,presumably in terms of birth control,
1232
01:07:29,411 --> 01:07:31,544
and ends up having a baby.
1233
01:07:31,546 --> 01:07:36,349
To think how crazy it was ofher to be that out of control.
1234
01:07:36,351 --> 01:07:38,718
It's a pretty scary scenario,
1235
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:43,490
the idea of having a kid that belongsto someone else, biologically,
1236
01:07:43,492 --> 01:07:47,060
and you have to try to carry
on your life hiding that fact
1237
01:07:47,062 --> 01:07:48,728
from the peopleyou are closest to.
1238
01:07:48,730 --> 01:07:51,564
The complexity oflying about it
1239
01:07:51,566 --> 01:07:55,802
and the stress that that wouldput on your life is a bit terrifying.
1240
01:07:55,804 --> 01:07:59,205
You know, it's a real lesson about birth
control when you're having affairs,
1241
01:07:59,207 --> 01:08:01,274
if nothing else.
1242
01:08:01,276 --> 01:08:03,209
Thanks a lot.
1243
01:08:03,211 --> 01:08:05,445
And then we'd all be
better off.
1244
01:08:05,447 --> 01:08:08,681
It's like this is It's a Wonderful Life.
1245
01:08:08,683 --> 01:08:11,251
Oh, no, it was the reverse.
1246
01:08:11,253 --> 01:08:16,556
"And Sarah went to Montrealfor the shoot of Mr. Nobody.
1247
01:08:16,558 --> 01:08:18,358
"Little time in all thatto consider
1248
01:08:18,360 --> 01:08:21,327
"whether she should tell meof the DNA test.
1249
01:08:21,329 --> 01:08:26,132
"shooting a sceneas a young Neanderthal woman."
1250
01:08:26,134 --> 01:08:27,094
I often have this dream,
1251
01:08:28,135 --> 01:08:29,402
some prehistoric time.
1252
01:08:31,506 --> 01:08:32,739
I can hear you screaming...
1253
01:08:36,110 --> 01:08:37,277
I chased the bear.
1254
01:08:38,479 --> 01:08:40,814
And you're not afraid anymore.
1255
01:08:40,816 --> 01:08:43,316
"Sarah is sitting around
in her makeup
1256
01:08:43,318 --> 01:08:46,119
"and prosthetic
Neanderthal forehead,
1257
01:08:46,121 --> 01:08:49,456
"when she gets a phone call
from a reporter in Toronto.
1258
01:08:49,458 --> 01:08:51,791
"He tells her that he's
just heard the story of her
1259
01:08:51,793 --> 01:08:54,360
"discovering herlost biological father
1260
01:08:54,362 --> 01:08:57,130
"and would like to run it
in his Toronto newspaper,
1261
01:08:57,132 --> 01:09:00,200
"with her reaction tothis amazing discovery.
1262
01:09:00,202 --> 01:09:02,302
"Sarah is appalled.
1263
01:09:02,304 --> 01:09:03,837
"She has not told me
1264
01:09:03,839 --> 01:09:07,273
"and, at this juncture,
is not sure that she ever will.
1265
01:09:07,275 --> 01:09:10,243
"She begins to cry and begs the
reporter not to run the story,
1266
01:09:10,245 --> 01:09:12,378
"because she's not yettold her father.
1267
01:09:12,380 --> 01:09:15,281
"The reporter points out
this is a very happy story
1268
01:09:15,283 --> 01:09:17,350
"and there's no reasonto cry about it.
1269
01:09:17,352 --> 01:09:20,220
"But Sarah cries even harder.
1270
01:09:20,222 --> 01:09:22,155
"She runs out into the
street with her cellphone
1271
01:09:22,157 --> 01:09:24,157
"so that no one on the set would see her,
1272
01:09:24,159 --> 01:09:26,860
"and she crosses to a park
and seeks refuge on a bench.
1273
01:09:26,862 --> 01:09:29,295
"There she begs the mannot to go ahead,
1274
01:09:29,297 --> 01:09:32,599
"at least until she'scontacted her father.
1275
01:09:32,601 --> 01:09:36,169
"Sarah continued her cry for
some minutes after the call,
1276
01:09:36,171 --> 01:09:38,271
"and then she noticed a
considerable number of people
1277
01:09:38,273 --> 01:09:40,440
"were looking at her and
she recalls thinking
1278
01:09:40,442 --> 01:09:43,743
"how different Montrealers werefrom their Toronto counterparts,
1279
01:09:43,745 --> 01:09:45,879
"who, observing a younggirl in tears,
1280
01:09:45,881 --> 01:09:48,281
"would have pretendedit never happened.
1281
01:09:48,283 --> 01:09:51,751
"She went back into the studioto wash her tearstained face,
1282
01:09:51,753 --> 01:09:53,553
"and there was thisNeanderthal woman
1283
01:09:53,555 --> 01:09:54,755
"staring at her in the mirror.
1284
01:09:57,759 --> 01:09:58,825
"You see, you just can't keep
1285
01:09:58,827 --> 01:10:01,794
"the mask of comedy at bay.
1286
01:10:01,796 --> 01:10:04,898
"It watches old tragedy
doing its bit,
1287
01:10:04,900 --> 01:10:07,800
"and the moment
he lets his guard down,
1288
01:10:07,802 --> 01:10:11,604
"our comedy turns up the
corners of his mouth.
1289
01:10:11,606 --> 01:10:14,641
"But it was an alarming and
unforeseen turn of events
1290
01:10:14,643 --> 01:10:18,378
"and Sarah now knew that she
would have to tell me everything.
1291
01:10:18,380 --> 01:10:20,680
"Sarah was last
able to email me
1292
01:10:20,682 --> 01:10:24,584
"that she was leaving Montreal
on Thursday the 24th,
1293
01:10:24,586 --> 01:10:27,820
"and that she would like to comearound to my place for tea.
1294
01:10:27,822 --> 01:10:30,290
"Thursday came,and I cleaned off a table,
1295
01:10:30,292 --> 01:10:33,493
"and made a bit of an effort toclean up my living space a little.
1296
01:10:33,495 --> 01:10:35,662
"I even swatted my fly,
1297
01:10:35,664 --> 01:10:41,201
"Flies are frequently my
companions in this loft.
1298
01:10:41,203 --> 01:10:43,503
"They invariably arriveonly one at a time
1299
01:10:43,505 --> 01:10:46,739
"and I do my best to make
them feel comfortable.
1300
01:10:46,741 --> 01:10:49,576
"I told you already that I'm notparticularly sociable person.
1301
01:10:49,578 --> 01:10:52,612
"There's no doubt that I'm
more at ease with flies,
1302
01:10:52,614 --> 01:10:54,480
"at least solitary ones.
1303
01:10:54,482 --> 01:10:56,749
"I must confess thatI talk to them,
1304
01:10:56,751 --> 01:11:00,486
"and I'm not at all discomforted
by their failure to reply.
1305
01:11:00,488 --> 01:11:04,224
"And they're alone, like me.
1306
01:11:04,226 --> 01:11:06,960
"Sorry about this digression but
I hope it will give you some idea
1307
01:11:06,962 --> 01:11:09,229
"of the sacrifice I made
with my swatter
1308
01:11:09,231 --> 01:11:11,664
"before Sarah's arrival.
1309
01:11:11,666 --> 01:11:14,834
"And once she got here,I made her sit down at the table
1310
01:11:14,836 --> 01:11:17,971
"and went right into my mainentertainment to the meal,
1311
01:11:17,973 --> 01:11:20,273
"which was the storyof Anna Christie
1312
01:11:20,275 --> 01:11:22,475
"and which led to mydemonstration of
1313
01:11:22,477 --> 01:11:25,812
"the acting of drunkennessthroughout the 20th century.
1314
01:11:25,814 --> 01:11:30,283
"The night before I'd seen Garbo in herfirst talkie along with Marie Dressier,
1315
01:11:30,285 --> 01:11:32,852
"and I found heracting fascinating.
1316
01:11:32,854 --> 01:11:34,354
"You know, I cango on about these
1317
01:11:34,356 --> 01:11:36,022
"thespian mattersfor some hours.
1318
01:11:40,427 --> 01:11:42,662
"So, the tea andthe rice pudding
1319
01:11:42,664 --> 01:11:44,397
"were already on the
table in front of Sarah
1320
01:11:44,399 --> 01:11:46,633
"before she gota chance to speak."
1321
01:11:46,635 --> 01:11:49,569
And you were sitting on the
opposite side of the table from me,
1322
01:11:50,939 --> 01:11:54,807
but I didn't think you had
anything important to say.
1323
01:11:54,809 --> 01:12:00,513
So, when I finally got to the end ofmy story you said something like,
1324
01:12:00,515 --> 01:12:03,449
"The reason I wanted tocome and see you is that
1325
01:12:03,451 --> 01:12:06,753
"I have something kind of
important to tell you."
1326
01:12:06,755 --> 01:12:08,921
Then you startedinto the story,
1327
01:12:08,923 --> 01:12:14,027
and it took you quite a whileto get to the moment of truth,
1328
01:12:14,029 --> 01:12:16,296
if we can use that expression.
1329
01:12:16,298 --> 01:12:18,831
That great moment of truth.
1330
01:12:18,833 --> 01:12:20,500
When I suddenly realized,
1331
01:12:21,869 --> 01:12:24,437
"My God, what she's saying is,
1332
01:12:24,439 --> 01:12:26,539
"that I'm not actually herbiological father."
1333
01:12:31,545 --> 01:12:34,781
"I sat there in abject silence,
1334
01:12:34,783 --> 01:12:37,717
"as Sarah must have done when
she found that Harry was her father.
1335
01:12:38,919 --> 01:12:41,020
"Thoughts ran
in and out of my mind.
1336
01:12:42,423 --> 01:12:43,756
"'That's impossible.'
1337
01:12:43,758 --> 01:12:45,591
"'It couldn't be.'
1338
01:12:45,593 --> 01:12:46,926
"'I'm dreaming.'"
1339
01:12:49,730 --> 01:12:52,765
I was quite stunned.
1340
01:12:52,767 --> 01:12:55,735
My God,
all this stuff we've been
1341
01:12:55,737 --> 01:12:57,470
joking about for years,
1342
01:12:58,672 --> 01:13:01,107
is actually true.
1343
01:13:01,109 --> 01:13:03,976
It took me a whileto recover and...
1344
01:13:06,914 --> 01:13:09,415
And then I remember saying...
1345
01:13:10,617 --> 01:13:13,486
"Harry? Harry Gulkin?"
1346
01:13:13,488 --> 01:13:15,588
And then yousaid something like,
1347
01:13:15,590 --> 01:13:17,457
"But it doesn't make any difference,does it?"
1348
01:13:19,761 --> 01:13:22,895
"No, it doesn't make any difference at all.Not to you and I,
1349
01:13:22,897 --> 01:13:25,031
"in terms of our relationship.
1350
01:13:25,033 --> 01:13:27,473
"I mean, it's still exactly the
same as it was before, but..."
1351
01:13:27,901 --> 01:13:31,037
Um...
1352
01:13:31,039 --> 01:13:34,140
And then I remember you
came around the table
1353
01:13:34,142 --> 01:13:37,076
and put your arm around
my shoulder and said,
1354
01:13:37,078 --> 01:13:40,646
"No, I'm so glad.It doesn't make any difference, does it?"
1355
01:13:40,648 --> 01:13:42,982
And I was, uh...
1356
01:13:42,984 --> 01:13:45,618
I thought it was funny. You know,that's the closest we've been
1357
01:13:45,620 --> 01:13:47,153
in quite a few years.
1358
01:13:47,155 --> 01:13:48,988
To put your armaround me and say,
1359
01:13:48,990 --> 01:13:50,690
"Oh, Dad, it doesn'tmake any difference."
1360
01:13:52,559 --> 01:13:54,761
And I suppose I asked you
1361
01:13:54,763 --> 01:13:58,598
a few more questions,
then, about it, because
1362
01:13:58,600 --> 01:14:02,969
it was a tremendous story
you were telling me
1363
01:14:02,971 --> 01:14:05,805
and so many little coincidences
1364
01:14:05,807 --> 01:14:08,007
and strange thingshad happened.
1365
01:14:09,877 --> 01:14:11,577
And suddenly
I began to realize,
1366
01:14:11,579 --> 01:14:13,679
"My God, this is a great story.
1367
01:14:14,915 --> 01:14:18,584
"This is a great,
great story."
1368
01:14:18,586 --> 01:14:20,186
I mean, I enjoy writing
1369
01:14:20,188 --> 01:14:22,755
but I can't get started'cause I never have any ideas
1370
01:14:22,757 --> 01:14:24,624
about what I wantto write about.
1371
01:14:24,626 --> 01:14:26,492
And since this came up,
1372
01:14:26,494 --> 01:14:28,561
it started me off,
1373
01:14:28,563 --> 01:14:31,731
realizing how many fascinatingstories there are to be told
1374
01:14:31,733 --> 01:14:34,600
in one's own life, without...I meant to try to look for
1375
01:14:34,602 --> 01:14:36,102
what's an interestingstory outside.
1376
01:14:37,504 --> 01:14:39,172
"I began to realize
1377
01:14:39,174 --> 01:14:42,742
"what a remarkable story
she'd thrown into my lap.
1378
01:14:42,744 --> 01:14:46,846
"Gradually, I began to build upa picture of the whole thing.
1379
01:14:46,848 --> 01:14:50,716
"And so much of Diane's
past and of my own actions
1380
01:14:50,718 --> 01:14:53,019
"appeared in a different light.
1381
01:14:53,021 --> 01:14:56,222
"The revelations had
awoken an obsession in me
1382
01:14:56,224 --> 01:14:59,926
"to tell the whole story to
anyone who would listen.
1383
01:14:59,928 --> 01:15:03,629
"My growing enthusiasmfor the narrative itself,
1384
01:15:03,631 --> 01:15:07,066
"as well as the constantreevaluation of my own past,
1385
01:15:07,068 --> 01:15:10,069
"drove me around my roomfor two days.
1386
01:15:10,071 --> 01:15:13,873
"And then, on Saturday, I was finally
able to send an email to Sarah
1387
01:15:13,875 --> 01:15:15,775
"with this summaryof my thoughts.
1388
01:15:16,777 --> 01:15:18,878
"My dear, Sarah,
1389
01:15:18,880 --> 01:15:22,515
"my mind has been racing
over the past 24 hours.
1390
01:15:22,517 --> 01:15:25,117
"Getting as many of my
thoughts down on paper will,
1391
01:15:25,119 --> 01:15:28,888
"I hope,stop that feverish mental pursuit
1392
01:15:28,890 --> 01:15:32,024
"and put it all intowhat is my perspective.
1393
01:15:32,026 --> 01:15:33,726
"Whatever we do,
1394
01:15:33,728 --> 01:15:35,928
"we must not putany blame on Diane
1395
01:15:35,930 --> 01:15:40,600
"for those events thattook place in 1978.
1396
01:15:40,602 --> 01:15:43,569
"We had been married, then,for over 10 years,
1397
01:15:43,571 --> 01:15:46,239
"and our union was nota perfect one.
1398
01:15:46,241 --> 01:15:50,243
"She had already experiencedone major disaster in her life,
1399
01:15:50,245 --> 01:15:52,912
"with the breakdownof her first marriage,
1400
01:15:52,914 --> 01:15:57,016
"and the subsequent loss of the twochildren that she loved so much.
1401
01:15:57,018 --> 01:15:58,918
"And now, here she was,stuck with a husband
1402
01:15:58,920 --> 01:16:01,587
"who was useless atmaking her feel wanted,
1403
01:16:01,589 --> 01:16:04,991
"and so, when she went toMontreal to do Toronto,
1404
01:16:04,993 --> 01:16:07,827
"it's scarcely surprisingthat when love was expressed,
1405
01:16:07,829 --> 01:16:11,097
"and then offered to her,she took it.
1406
01:16:11,099 --> 01:16:13,232
"I'd always told hershe should take a lover
1407
01:16:13,234 --> 01:16:15,735
"anytime shefelt me inadequate,
1408
01:16:15,737 --> 01:16:19,839
"just as long as she did not think
of leaving Mark and Jo, or me.
1409
01:16:19,841 --> 01:16:22,108
"Of course, she would never
have left another two children,
1410
01:16:22,110 --> 01:16:25,011
"and I would never have
disputed her claim for custody.
1411
01:16:25,013 --> 01:16:29,749
"So, it was clearly my ownfuture that I was worried about.
1412
01:16:29,751 --> 01:16:31,918
"And so, we arrive atthe affair with Harry,
1413
01:16:31,920 --> 01:16:35,221
"and, not unexpectedly,it took place at the same time as
1414
01:16:35,223 --> 01:16:38,824
"I made one or two visits
to see her in Montreal.
1415
01:16:38,826 --> 01:16:41,027
"During those visits,I made love to her,
1416
01:16:41,029 --> 01:16:44,130
"and there was something of arenewal of the passion we felt
1417
01:16:44,132 --> 01:16:47,066
"when we first lived together.
1418
01:16:47,068 --> 01:16:50,169
"Diane must have been taken aback,I would guess.
1419
01:16:50,171 --> 01:16:53,706
"Harry must have proposed thatthey live together at some point,
1420
01:16:53,708 --> 01:16:56,642
"and she must have beentorn between us,
1421
01:16:56,644 --> 01:17:00,212
"since I suddenly seemto be the old Michael
1422
01:17:00,214 --> 01:17:02,081
"that she once loved so much.
1423
01:17:03,584 --> 01:17:06,185
"Love is so short,
1424
01:17:06,187 --> 01:17:08,854
"forgetting, so long,
1425
01:17:08,856 --> 01:17:10,122
"Neruda wrote.
1426
01:17:15,829 --> 01:17:18,197
"Harry must have been
very disappointed
1427
01:17:18,199 --> 01:17:20,933
"when she returned to Toronto.
1428
01:17:20,935 --> 01:17:23,302
"And I'm sorry for that.
1429
01:17:23,304 --> 01:17:25,771
"But return to Toronto she did,
1430
01:17:25,773 --> 01:17:27,273
"and the three of us
1431
01:17:27,275 --> 01:17:30,042
"were happy tohave her with us again.
1432
01:17:30,044 --> 01:17:32,178
"And then came the discovery
that she was pregnant.
1433
01:17:33,380 --> 01:17:35,915
"For me, it was joyful.
1434
01:17:35,917 --> 01:17:39,652
"For her, it musthave been agonizing.
1435
01:17:39,654 --> 01:17:44,090
"Look, the terrible thing about allthe mental anguish she underwent
1436
01:17:44,092 --> 01:17:45,691
"was that she never understood
1437
01:17:45,693 --> 01:17:47,159
"what my reactionwould have been,
1438
01:17:47,161 --> 01:17:49,795
"if she'd told methe whole story.
1439
01:17:49,797 --> 01:17:52,331
"I do believe I would have
told her not to worry,
1440
01:17:52,333 --> 01:17:54,233
"and that I wasquite ready to accept
1441
01:17:54,235 --> 01:17:57,403
"the ambiguity ofthe parentage.
1442
01:17:57,405 --> 01:18:00,773
"But here, again, I had failed.
1443
01:18:00,775 --> 01:18:03,342
"Why is it that
we talk and talk,
1444
01:18:03,344 --> 01:18:06,045
"or, at least, I certainly do,
1445
01:18:06,047 --> 01:18:08,881
"without somehow conveying
what we're really like?"
1446
01:18:14,054 --> 01:18:16,656
So, what compelled you, initially,
to want to write
1447
01:18:16,658 --> 01:18:19,225
your version of the story?
1448
01:18:19,227 --> 01:18:22,862
Well, I was contemplating,
I had been contemplating for some time,
1449
01:18:23,864 --> 01:18:26,098
writing a memoir.
1450
01:18:26,100 --> 01:18:29,068
I became persuaded that
this was a strong story
1451
01:18:29,070 --> 01:18:31,203
which could be toldin many different ways,
1452
01:18:31,205 --> 01:18:34,040
but which had a very,very strong structure
1453
01:18:34,042 --> 01:18:37,910
because it skipped a 30-yearperiod and skipped a generation.
1454
01:18:37,912 --> 01:18:40,980
That it had a particular strengthand a sense of continuity
1455
01:18:40,982 --> 01:18:42,915
with respect to memoryof moving forward
1456
01:18:42,917 --> 01:18:45,051
from one situation to another.
1457
01:18:45,053 --> 01:18:48,688
That it was a story with
great sadness and great joy.
1458
01:18:48,690 --> 01:18:52,725
And you suggested at onepoint when we met in Toronto
1459
01:18:52,727 --> 01:18:55,795
that we each writeour version of it.
1460
01:18:55,797 --> 01:18:59,131
And then we would show it toeach other at the end, and...
1461
01:18:59,133 --> 01:19:03,202
Might do something with it, but, like,
it was sort of left pretty open-ended.
1462
01:19:03,204 --> 01:19:05,171
So, then,I subsequently did write
1463
01:19:05,173 --> 01:19:07,873
the six-page summaryof the background
1464
01:19:07,875 --> 01:19:09,909
with Diane and us meeting.
1465
01:19:09,911 --> 01:19:13,779
Harry had written a piece about
his relationship with you and Diane,
1466
01:19:13,781 --> 01:19:16,916
and the discovery that you
are father and daughter.
1467
01:19:16,918 --> 01:19:19,285
And someone suggested that he publish it.
1468
01:19:19,287 --> 01:19:22,354
You reacted very,
very strongly. Very, very strongly to it.
1469
01:19:22,356 --> 01:19:26,125
You were enraged,
and you were very upset.
1470
01:19:26,127 --> 01:19:28,360
"Hi, there, Harry.
1471
01:19:28,362 --> 01:19:29,929
"I suppose I'm confused as to whyit's such a pressing issue for you
1472
01:19:29,931 --> 01:19:31,997
"that this story be public
1473
01:19:31,999 --> 01:19:33,099
"when it is already known
by everyone we love
1474
01:19:33,101 --> 01:19:36,001
"and everyone who loves us.
1475
01:19:36,003 --> 01:19:38,871
"As I said, while my dad has had
some time to deal with the news,
1476
01:19:38,873 --> 01:19:41,107
"he's not yet had to tell hisfriends or answer any questions
1477
01:19:41,109 --> 01:19:44,977
"from anyone outside of
his immediate family.
1478
01:19:44,979 --> 01:19:47,213
"This space and privacy has
been important for him,
1479
01:19:47,215 --> 01:19:49,415
"and I believe strongly in protectingthat for as long as possible."
1480
01:19:49,417 --> 01:19:51,484
In my case, it goes back to
1481
01:19:51,486 --> 01:19:57,790
during my relationship with Diane,which was open to her friends,
1482
01:19:57,792 --> 01:20:00,292
but, in fact, wasutterly constrained
1483
01:20:00,294 --> 01:20:02,962
by the reality ofher marital situation.
1484
01:20:02,964 --> 01:20:05,998
And I found that,at the time, oppressive.
1485
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:08,400
I guess I have felt in this,
sort of a bit of a...
1486
01:20:09,803 --> 01:20:11,070
An echo.
1487
01:20:11,072 --> 01:20:13,873
I felt constrained,
1488
01:20:13,875 --> 01:20:16,242
inhibited, and sort of pinched
1489
01:20:16,244 --> 01:20:18,544
in my relationship to you
1490
01:20:18,546 --> 01:20:22,114
because of the private way inwhich we were dealing with it.
1491
01:20:22,116 --> 01:20:23,677
The atmosphere gota little heavy there.
1492
01:20:24,552 --> 01:20:29,889
We were sort of building misunderstandingon top of misunderstanding,
1493
01:20:29,891 --> 01:20:33,325
and we both proved to be very,very capable in that respect.
1494
01:20:33,327 --> 01:20:36,896
I was upset that this thing
had gotten up between us.
1495
01:20:36,898 --> 01:20:39,098
My taste or desireto do it at that point,
1496
01:20:39,100 --> 01:20:41,300
really, was no longer there.I mean...
1497
01:20:41,302 --> 01:20:44,837
This is not fun anymore.It's just creating problems.
1498
01:20:44,839 --> 01:20:49,041
So, eventually,I dropped it and I backed off.
1499
01:20:49,043 --> 01:20:52,411
And what was it about
having it published that attracted you?
1500
01:20:53,814 --> 01:20:55,214
Well, I think...
1501
01:20:55,216 --> 01:20:57,416
I think anyone
who writes anything,
1502
01:20:57,418 --> 01:21:02,822
I mean, anyone who does anything,
wants to bring it out to a public.
1503
01:21:02,824 --> 01:21:05,224
I mean, if there's
a story to be told,
1504
01:21:05,226 --> 01:21:09,161
and if the story has some
validity and some resonance,
1505
01:21:09,163 --> 01:21:11,463
then you don't
keep it to yourself.
1506
01:21:13,033 --> 01:21:14,867
There was the honeymoon period.
1507
01:21:14,869 --> 01:21:17,469
There was the difficult period,
1508
01:21:17,471 --> 01:21:21,307
when I would hear the tonesof voices on the exchanges,
1509
01:21:21,309 --> 01:21:22,942
that there was tension.
1510
01:21:22,944 --> 01:21:24,944
So, this is in thisperfect relationship,
1511
01:21:24,946 --> 01:21:26,879
the perfect papa,
the perfect daughter.
1512
01:21:26,881 --> 01:21:28,841
Everything's perfect,
then it's no longer perfect.
1513
01:21:29,182 --> 01:21:31,350
"Hi, there, Harry.
1514
01:21:31,352 --> 01:21:33,185
"I'm just extremely
uncomfortable at being involved
1515
01:21:33,187 --> 01:21:34,486
"in the telling of this story,
1516
01:21:34,488 --> 01:21:37,022
"unless it includesthe whole picture.
1517
01:21:37,024 --> 01:21:40,459
"Which is to say, my experience of it,your experience of it,
1518
01:21:40,461 --> 01:21:42,361
"as well as my family's.
1519
01:22:00,413 --> 01:22:03,315
"I've been thinking a lot aboutyour desire to tell this story,
1520
01:22:03,317 --> 01:22:06,151
"and my own desire to documentthis experience through film.
1521
01:22:07,220 --> 01:22:09,488
"As I begin this process,
1522
01:22:09,490 --> 01:22:12,892
"I don't know what frommy project will take.
1523
01:22:12,894 --> 01:22:15,628
"I don't know if it's a
personal record for myself
1524
01:22:15,630 --> 01:22:18,998
"or something to be made into apiece for others to see at some point.
1525
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:20,466
"I don't know how longit would take
1526
01:22:20,468 --> 01:22:23,402
"or if it wouldever get finished.
1527
01:22:23,404 --> 01:22:29,408
"beyond beginning to explore it throughinterviews with everyone involved,
1528
01:22:29,410 --> 01:22:31,310
"so that everyone'spoint of view,
1529
01:22:31,312 --> 01:22:35,314
"no matter how contradictory,is included.
1530
01:22:35,316 --> 01:22:39,351
"One day, it may turn into a
documentary for others to consume.
1531
01:22:39,353 --> 01:22:41,594
"I'm really not sure when or
if I'd want that to happen.
1532
01:22:43,123 --> 01:22:45,557
"But whateverit ended up being,
1533
01:22:45,559 --> 01:22:48,360
"it would feel very odd not tohave you be a part of this."
1534
01:22:56,136 --> 01:22:58,304
When he considers
this documentary,
1535
01:22:58,306 --> 01:23:00,406
being Harry, being a producer,
1536
01:23:00,408 --> 01:23:03,709
I'm sure there's a little bit
of trepidation about this film,
1537
01:23:03,711 --> 01:23:06,045
because he doesn't havecontrol of everything.
1538
01:23:06,047 --> 01:23:08,314
He understand that.He doesn't like it.
1539
01:23:08,316 --> 01:23:11,951
It's been very clear to him
that this story will be told from
1540
01:23:11,953 --> 01:23:15,054
the point of view of everyone who
is alive who can talk about it.
1541
01:23:15,056 --> 01:23:17,189
And, you know,my dad would really like it
1542
01:23:17,191 --> 01:23:20,059
just to be about his story ofmeeting Diane and being with her,
1543
01:23:20,061 --> 01:23:22,461
and having you,and meeting you again.
1544
01:23:22,463 --> 01:23:26,031
But he's gone along with it.He's trying to be a good sport.
1545
01:23:26,033 --> 01:23:29,635
So, what do you think of the
concept of me making this documentary
1546
01:23:29,637 --> 01:23:34,106
where we're sort of giving equal weight
to everyone's version of the story?
1547
01:23:34,108 --> 01:23:36,208
I don't like it.
1548
01:23:36,210 --> 01:23:38,077
I think that
1549
01:23:39,279 --> 01:23:40,512
takes us into a...
1550
01:23:41,715 --> 01:23:44,016
Into a very wooly...
1551
01:23:44,018 --> 01:23:47,619
Like, you see, you can't ever
touch bottom with anything, then.
1552
01:23:47,621 --> 01:23:50,222
We're all over the place.
1553
01:23:50,224 --> 01:23:52,124
I think they can all be heard.
1554
01:23:52,126 --> 01:23:55,427
It's giving them equal
weight, which I find...
1555
01:23:55,429 --> 01:23:58,497
Particularly those
who are non-players.
1556
01:23:58,499 --> 01:24:02,267
First of all,there are the parties to an incident.
1557
01:24:02,269 --> 01:24:05,704
Those who were there and whowere directly affected by it.
1558
01:24:05,706 --> 01:24:08,207
Then, there isa circle around that,
1559
01:24:08,209 --> 01:24:11,043
of people who areaffected tangentially
1560
01:24:11,045 --> 01:24:14,380
because of their relationship
to the principal parties.
1561
01:24:14,382 --> 01:24:17,783
And then, there's another concentric
circle, further out there,
1562
01:24:17,785 --> 01:24:19,785
which, basically,has heard or been told
1563
01:24:19,787 --> 01:24:22,087
by one of the principalplayers about it.
1564
01:24:22,089 --> 01:24:25,224
All of these may have
different narratives
1565
01:24:25,226 --> 01:24:27,393
and these narratives
1566
01:24:27,395 --> 01:24:29,595
are shaped in part
by their relationship
1567
01:24:29,597 --> 01:24:32,664
to the person who told it to them,
and by the events.
1568
01:24:32,666 --> 01:24:34,633
One does not get the truth
1569
01:24:34,635 --> 01:24:37,236
simply by hearingwhat their reactions are.
1570
01:24:37,238 --> 01:24:39,471
People tend todeclare themselves
1571
01:24:39,473 --> 01:24:41,707
in terms of what they saw,in terms of what they felt.
1572
01:24:41,709 --> 01:24:43,575
In terms of whatthey remembered,
1573
01:24:43,577 --> 01:24:45,544
and in terms oftheir loyalties.
1574
01:24:45,546 --> 01:24:48,247
The same set of circumstances
1575
01:24:48,249 --> 01:24:51,383
will affect different
people in different ways.
1576
01:24:51,385 --> 01:24:53,352
Not that there aredifferent truths,
1577
01:24:53,354 --> 01:24:56,155
there are different reactions
to particular events.
1578
01:24:58,091 --> 01:25:00,392
The crucial function of
art is to tell the truth.
1579
01:25:00,394 --> 01:25:03,228
To find the truth in a situation.
That's what it's about.
1580
01:25:06,533 --> 01:25:09,668
You realize, when you've
finished all this...
1581
01:25:12,806 --> 01:25:16,108
You realize, when you've
finished all this,
1582
01:25:16,110 --> 01:25:20,479
you've got about
six hours of stuff.
1583
01:25:20,481 --> 01:25:24,216
And you'll decide
what you want out of it.
1584
01:25:24,218 --> 01:25:26,185
It'll be exactly
like the story.
1585
01:25:26,187 --> 01:25:28,754
Each one of us will pick out...
1586
01:25:28,756 --> 01:25:31,090
If any one of us
were trying to edit it
1587
01:25:31,092 --> 01:25:34,259
and decide what
we wanted to keep,
1588
01:25:34,261 --> 01:25:39,731
it would be the same farcical kind of
theatrical exercise that we're all involved in.
1589
01:25:39,733 --> 01:25:41,500
"Oh, I want to keep that."
1590
01:25:41,502 --> 01:25:43,335
"Oh, no, that'srubbish, there."
1591
01:25:43,337 --> 01:25:45,771
That's an enormouslydifferent thing
1592
01:25:45,773 --> 01:25:48,540
from simply doingan interview straight
1593
01:25:48,542 --> 01:25:51,643
and never doing anyediting of it whatsoever,
1594
01:25:51,645 --> 01:25:53,479
but letting it run as it is.
1595
01:25:53,481 --> 01:25:57,649
That would have been at least
as close to truth as you can get,
1596
01:25:57,651 --> 01:26:00,285
whereas your editing of this
1597
01:26:00,287 --> 01:26:03,622
will turn this into something
completely different.
1598
01:26:03,624 --> 01:26:05,757
What would you say,
this documentary is really about?
1599
01:26:07,327 --> 01:26:08,694
Um...
1600
01:26:08,696 --> 01:26:10,496
Am I breaking the fourth wall here?
1601
01:26:10,498 --> 01:26:12,498
Turn the camera around.
1602
01:26:12,500 --> 01:26:14,299
Um...
1603
01:26:14,301 --> 01:26:16,168
What is it about?
1604
01:26:16,170 --> 01:26:18,871
I feel like it's about a lot of things.
I think, um...
1605
01:26:18,873 --> 01:26:22,141
Memory, you said.
Memory, and the way
1606
01:26:22,143 --> 01:26:23,475
we tell the stories
of our lives.
1607
01:26:23,477 --> 01:26:25,344
I think, in many ways,
it's like,
1608
01:26:25,346 --> 01:26:28,747
you know, trying to
bring someone to life
1609
01:26:28,749 --> 01:26:31,150
through people's
stories of them.
1610
01:26:31,152 --> 01:26:32,753
It's also...
Is this a good angle for me?
1611
01:26:34,355 --> 01:26:36,321
Sorry. Go on.
1612
01:26:36,323 --> 01:26:38,490
Telling people what?
1613
01:26:38,492 --> 01:26:39,625
Asshole.
1614
01:26:40,827 --> 01:26:42,528
"Hi, Harry.
1615
01:26:42,530 --> 01:26:43,829
"One of the main focusesin the documentary are
1616
01:26:43,831 --> 01:26:45,898
"the discrepanciesin the stories.
1617
01:26:45,900 --> 01:26:48,700
"All of us.You, me, my dad,
1618
01:26:48,702 --> 01:26:51,703
"my siblings, my mother'sfriends, etcetera,
1619
01:26:51,705 --> 01:26:55,240
"have similar stories with largeand small details that vary.
1620
01:26:55,242 --> 01:26:58,210
"I'm interested in the way wetell stories about our lives.
1621
01:26:58,212 --> 01:27:00,279
"About the fact thatthe truth about the past
1622
01:27:00,281 --> 01:27:02,748
"is often ephemeral and
difficult to pin down.
1623
01:27:02,750 --> 01:27:06,385
"when we don't take proper timeto do research about our pasts,
1624
01:27:06,387 --> 01:27:09,254
"which is almostalways the case,
1625
01:27:09,256 --> 01:27:13,592
"end up with shifts and fictions in them,mostly unintended."
1626
01:27:13,594 --> 01:27:15,494
In relation to Mum,
1627
01:27:15,496 --> 01:27:18,363
I think, when we talk
about it as a family,
1628
01:27:18,365 --> 01:27:21,233
there seems to be this,
you know, this kind of...
1629
01:27:21,235 --> 01:27:23,235
A lot of questions
about who was she.
1630
01:27:23,237 --> 01:27:24,903
You know, a lot ofdisagreement about
1631
01:27:24,905 --> 01:27:29,441
And there was this misconceptionthat she was something,
1632
01:27:29,443 --> 01:27:32,578
and I guess that to me is
another misconception,
1633
01:27:32,580 --> 01:27:34,980
that there isa state of affairs
1634
01:27:34,982 --> 01:27:37,416
or things thatactually happened,
1635
01:27:37,418 --> 01:27:40,552
and we have to kind of reconstructexactly what happened in the past.
1636
01:27:40,554 --> 01:27:43,689
And I don't think there ever wasa "what actually happened."
1637
01:27:43,691 --> 01:27:46,258
I think there were lots ofperspectives from the very beginning.
1638
01:27:46,260 --> 01:27:47,926
You don't everget to an answer.
1639
01:27:47,928 --> 01:27:50,362
You don't ever get to, "Okay,now we've figured it out.
1640
01:27:50,364 --> 01:27:51,997
"We know exactly what happened.
1641
01:27:51,999 --> 01:27:54,533
"We know exactly what
kind of person she was."
1642
01:27:54,535 --> 01:27:57,936
I think those things
are just illusory.
1643
01:27:57,938 --> 01:28:00,239
Again, in terms of
the basic question,
1644
01:28:00,241 --> 01:28:01,840
"Can one get at
the truth?"
1645
01:28:04,010 --> 01:28:06,812
I guess we're getting
very close to it.
1646
01:28:06,814 --> 01:28:10,749
But you have to limit it to thosewho are involved in the events,
1647
01:28:10,751 --> 01:28:16,321
And the direct witnesses to
the events are only two,
1648
01:28:16,323 --> 01:28:17,723
and one is not around.
1649
01:28:19,792 --> 01:28:21,860
I mean, Diane's not here to talk to,you know?
1650
01:28:21,862 --> 01:28:24,496
That's really the only personwho could provide,
1651
01:28:24,498 --> 01:28:27,833
I mean, the essence,the essentials, of what took place.
1652
01:28:29,802 --> 01:28:31,970
So, we've beenthrough all that debate,
1653
01:28:31,972 --> 01:28:35,440
and then we startedhere, yesterday.
1654
01:28:35,442 --> 01:28:38,677
I somehow feel that we'vecleared up some of the smoke.
1655
01:28:38,679 --> 01:28:42,848
Maybe not all, but some of the
smoke has been cleared away.
1656
01:28:42,850 --> 01:28:45,050
But the reality is,essentially,
1657
01:28:45,052 --> 01:28:47,753
that the story with Diane,I regret to say,
1658
01:28:48,955 --> 01:28:50,656
is only mine to tell.
1659
01:28:52,492 --> 01:28:53,759
And I think that's a fact.
1660
01:28:55,395 --> 01:28:58,730
Uh...
1661
01:28:58,732 --> 01:29:02,901
Now, my recollections may be faulty
at times, but I'm not going to lie.
1662
01:29:05,538 --> 01:29:08,473
The love that I shared with Diane,30 years ago,
1663
01:29:08,475 --> 01:29:11,877
was so intense and so lasting,
1664
01:29:11,879 --> 01:29:15,414
it all came back to me and gotwrapped up with my affection for you.
1665
01:29:20,620 --> 01:29:23,455
So, you know,I became crazy about you in the same way.
1666
01:30:06,666 --> 01:30:08,900
When I heard the full details of the affair
1667
01:30:08,902 --> 01:30:12,404
between Mum and Harry,I was really happy
1668
01:30:12,406 --> 01:30:14,406
because I've always felt
1669
01:30:14,408 --> 01:30:17,676
like she spent her whole
life looking for love,
1670
01:30:17,678 --> 01:30:22,447
and I certainly felt that,in the last years of her life,
1671
01:30:22,449 --> 01:30:25,550
and for a long time,ever since I was a child,
1672
01:30:25,552 --> 01:30:28,420
she really hadn't gotten
from Dad what she needed.
1673
01:30:28,422 --> 01:30:31,123
And when I heardthe story of Harry,
1674
01:30:33,126 --> 01:30:36,061
I remember feeling...
1675
01:30:36,063 --> 01:30:40,766
Feeling really happy
that she had found love.
1676
01:30:40,768 --> 01:30:42,768
And that she'd been
loved that much.
1677
01:30:52,912 --> 01:30:57,582
But, you know, I kind of think Dad wasthe one she really was in love with.
1678
01:30:57,584 --> 01:31:00,652
And he just wasn't an option.
1679
01:31:00,654 --> 01:31:02,988
So, I'm really gladthat she was loved.
1680
01:31:02,990 --> 01:31:05,123
I'm not sure she wasloved by the person
1681
01:31:05,125 --> 01:31:07,759
she really wanted
to be loved by, but...
1682
01:31:09,495 --> 01:31:10,862
Yeah.
1683
01:31:33,120 --> 01:31:39,658
"When you make a documentary aboutyour own discovery of a new father,
1684
01:31:39,660 --> 01:31:46,097
"are you doing so to avoid your owndeeper concerns of its real impact on you?
1685
01:31:46,099 --> 01:31:47,732
"Is that whyyou describe it as,
1686
01:31:47,734 --> 01:31:50,669
"'A search forthe vagaries of truth
1687
01:31:50,671 --> 01:31:52,938
"'and the unreliabilityof memory'
1688
01:31:52,940 --> 01:31:54,973
"rather than,'A search for a father'?"
1689
01:31:57,643 --> 01:31:59,711
"Hey, Dad.
1690
01:31:59,713 --> 01:32:01,633
"I've been thinking a lot
about your last email.
1691
01:32:02,782 --> 01:32:05,150
"Maybe you're right.
1692
01:32:05,152 --> 01:32:06,952
"Maybe there is somethingunderneath my need to make this film
1693
01:32:06,954 --> 01:32:08,186
"that I've been denying.
1694
01:32:09,956 --> 01:32:13,658
"Every time I feel I have my footing,I lose it.
1695
01:32:13,660 --> 01:32:17,162
"I can't figure out why I'm
exposing us all in this way.
1696
01:32:17,164 --> 01:32:21,032
"It's really embarrassing,to be honest.
1697
01:32:21,034 --> 01:32:23,535
"Have I totally lost my mindtrying to reconstruct the past
1698
01:32:23,537 --> 01:32:24,618
"from other people's words,
1699
01:32:26,539 --> 01:32:29,574
"trying to form her?
1700
01:32:29,576 --> 01:32:32,277
"Is this the tsunami she
unleashed when she went?
1701
01:32:32,279 --> 01:32:35,547
"And all of us,still flailing in her wake,
1702
01:32:35,549 --> 01:32:37,983
"trying to put her togetherin the wreckage,
1703
01:32:37,985 --> 01:32:39,985
"and her,slipping away from us,
1704
01:32:39,987 --> 01:32:42,053
"over and over again,
1705
01:32:42,055 --> 01:32:43,922
"just as we beginto see her face?"
1706
01:32:48,628 --> 01:32:50,929
What do you remember of the day Mom died?
1707
01:32:55,935 --> 01:32:57,135
Ah...
1708
01:32:59,272 --> 01:33:00,972
That was a terrible day,
wasn't it?
1709
01:33:03,209 --> 01:33:05,844
I don't know.
I guess...
1710
01:33:05,846 --> 01:33:08,146
I guess, her brother
had said to us,
1711
01:33:08,148 --> 01:33:10,181
"Well, it's almost the end now.
1712
01:33:14,620 --> 01:33:16,588
"I think each one
of you should go..."
1713
01:33:16,590 --> 01:33:18,290
I mean, she was unconscious.
1714
01:33:19,926 --> 01:33:21,326
"...and say whatever...
1715
01:33:25,064 --> 01:33:29,067
"Whatever final words you have to
say to her, uh, before she goes.
1716
01:33:30,870 --> 01:33:32,804
"Because it's very
close to the end."
1717
01:33:32,806 --> 01:33:34,039
Um...
1718
01:33:35,975 --> 01:33:37,576
That was a bad day.
1719
01:33:46,686 --> 01:33:48,853
- What did you say to her?- What?
1720
01:33:48,855 --> 01:33:50,822
With that time that
we each had alone with her,
1721
01:33:50,824 --> 01:33:52,357
what did you say to her?
1722
01:34:02,268 --> 01:34:04,302
I don't know.
1723
01:34:04,304 --> 01:34:05,870
Probably that I'd missed her.
1724
01:34:05,872 --> 01:34:08,039
That I would miss her.
1725
01:34:08,041 --> 01:34:09,774
That I loved her, and I...
1726
01:34:10,977 --> 01:34:12,210
Would never forget her.
1727
01:34:13,212 --> 01:34:14,279
That's about all.
1728
01:34:53,052 --> 01:34:56,755
You know,
somebody you've known for 25 years
1729
01:34:59,325 --> 01:35:02,994
and spent much of
your life with for 25 years
1730
01:35:02,996 --> 01:35:07,699
and has given your life much
of its meaning for 25 years...
1731
01:35:07,701 --> 01:35:09,234
Awful hard to lose them.
1732
01:36:19,238 --> 01:36:21,206
It's, uh...
1733
01:36:21,208 --> 01:36:23,875
It's a dire line of questioning,
just try to...
1734
01:36:23,877 --> 01:36:27,145
We must find a way of
making it more funny.
1735
01:36:30,883 --> 01:36:34,486
What are you,
some kind of sadistic interviewer?
1736
01:36:36,989 --> 01:36:38,890
You told me I had to break you down more.
1737
01:36:38,892 --> 01:36:41,226
Yeah. Well, you've done it,
haven't you?
1738
01:36:41,228 --> 01:36:43,261
There was no acting
in any of that.
1739
01:36:47,500 --> 01:36:48,933
No acting at all.
1740
01:36:48,935 --> 01:36:50,935
You see what a vicious
director you are?
1741
01:36:52,138 --> 01:36:53,772
Now you understand, don't you?
1742
01:36:53,774 --> 01:36:55,340
I remember that...
1743
01:36:55,342 --> 01:36:57,442
Remember that day
when you directed me
1744
01:36:57,444 --> 01:37:00,445
in a ridiculous montage piece
1745
01:37:00,447 --> 01:37:02,213
that you were doing when you
were at the film center,
1746
01:37:02,215 --> 01:37:04,916
and you made mewalk down into a pool
1747
01:37:04,918 --> 01:37:08,820
of freezing cold water
wearing full clothes?
1748
01:37:08,822 --> 01:37:11,523
"Keep goingfurther down, Dad!"
1749
01:37:11,525 --> 01:37:15,393
I said, "I can't go any further down!My clothes are holding me up."
1750
01:37:15,395 --> 01:37:18,062
"Just keep going down!
1751
01:37:18,064 --> 01:37:19,430
"God, you are so annoying.
1752
01:37:19,432 --> 01:37:21,266
"It's a very little thing
to ask of you.
1753
01:37:21,268 --> 01:37:24,102
"All I want you to do is
go a foot under the water.
1754
01:37:24,104 --> 01:37:26,271
"Here I am, tryingto do a montage,
1755
01:37:26,273 --> 01:37:29,407
"and my father iscausing trouble."
1756
01:37:29,409 --> 01:37:31,409
A brutal piece of directing.
1757
01:37:32,812 --> 01:37:34,279
Why?
1758
01:37:39,919 --> 01:37:42,320
And in some ways, that's...You know, that's why this
1759
01:37:43,589 --> 01:37:45,490
whole question of, uh,
1760
01:37:47,459 --> 01:37:50,161
"Oh, was I your father
or wasn't I?"
1761
01:37:51,163 --> 01:37:52,430
It's, uh...
1762
01:37:55,034 --> 01:37:57,135
Becomes very, sort of
1763
01:37:57,137 --> 01:38:01,139
an unimportant part of the past,
for me, anyway, you know?
1764
01:38:01,141 --> 01:38:03,341
I mean,I think it's much more important for you.
1765
01:38:03,343 --> 01:38:06,377
That happens along with life.
1766
01:38:09,381 --> 01:38:11,316
"So, don't feel sorry for me.
1767
01:38:11,318 --> 01:38:14,919
"If you have pity, it should be for Harry,
who loved and lost Diane,
1768
01:38:14,921 --> 01:38:18,890
"and then missed out on the childhood
of that Sarah he'd produced.
1769
01:38:18,892 --> 01:38:21,392
"Had that been my lot,
I would have been mortified
1770
01:38:21,394 --> 01:38:23,628
"when I read that DNA result.
1771
01:38:23,630 --> 01:38:26,331
"I've been a very
lucky man, and of course,
1772
01:38:26,333 --> 01:38:28,566
"for one of my
luckiest moments,
1773
01:38:28,568 --> 01:38:31,002
"I have to thank Harry Gulkin
1774
01:38:31,004 --> 01:38:33,304
"for loving Diane.
1775
01:38:33,306 --> 01:38:36,074
"Sarah is only what she is
1776
01:38:36,076 --> 01:38:39,410
"because of that night of
love between Diane and Harry.
1777
01:38:39,412 --> 01:38:42,013
"Had I been herbiological father,
1778
01:38:42,015 --> 01:38:44,182
"she would have beenentirely different.
1779
01:38:44,184 --> 01:38:46,651
"She might have
been better or worse,
1780
01:38:46,653 --> 01:38:51,422
"but she would definitely not
have been the Sarah she is today.
1781
01:38:51,424 --> 01:38:53,358
"And that's the one I love.
1782
01:38:53,360 --> 01:38:56,928
"Of the other possible outcome,there is nothing.
1783
01:38:56,930 --> 01:38:59,131
"You may decide you want to
keep this letter to yourself
1784
01:38:59,132 --> 01:39:00,598
"or to share it.
1785
01:39:00,600 --> 01:39:02,367
"It's yours,
and yours the choice.
1786
01:39:03,569 --> 01:39:06,304
"You know... Look...'"
1787
01:39:06,306 --> 01:39:09,107
Dad, can you just go
back over that one line?
1788
01:39:09,109 --> 01:39:10,642
I was being so real.
1789
01:39:12,646 --> 01:39:15,179
I completely convinced myself.
1790
01:39:17,383 --> 01:39:19,050
"You may decide,
you want to keep this
1791
01:39:19,052 --> 01:39:21,219
"letter to yourself
or to share it.
1792
01:39:21,221 --> 01:39:23,521
"It's yours,
and yours the choice.
1793
01:39:24,523 --> 01:39:27,425
"You know... Look...
1794
01:39:27,427 --> 01:39:31,029
"While telling me your news on Thursday,
you twice hugged me
1795
01:39:31,031 --> 01:39:33,398
"as hard as you ever did
in your childhood.
1796
01:39:34,600 --> 01:39:36,634
"That alone
1797
01:39:36,636 --> 01:39:39,470
"made your revelation
worth a thousand words.
1798
01:39:40,472 --> 01:39:42,707
"So, there you have it.
1799
01:39:42,709 --> 01:39:44,976
"All I know of what happened
1800
01:39:44,978 --> 01:39:48,079
"or what has been reported
to me has been told.
1801
01:39:48,081 --> 01:39:50,181
"I think I wrote this story
1802
01:39:50,183 --> 01:39:52,250
"because it really says so
many interesting things
1803
01:39:52,252 --> 01:39:54,218
"about the human condition.
1804
01:39:54,220 --> 01:39:57,055
"But maybe there wasanother reason.
1805
01:39:57,057 --> 01:40:00,325
"Perhaps, deep inside,I have suffered more of a shock
1806
01:40:00,327 --> 01:40:02,193
"than I would openly admit.
1807
01:40:02,195 --> 01:40:05,263
"I sometimes stop and realize
1808
01:40:05,265 --> 01:40:10,268
"that something inside has,for the rest of my life, changed.
1809
01:40:10,270 --> 01:40:13,705
"A certain cord that runs
between Sarah and me
1810
01:40:13,707 --> 01:40:15,306
"has been severed,
1811
01:40:15,308 --> 01:40:18,142
"and I'm powerlessto join it together.
1812
01:40:18,144 --> 01:40:20,611
"It's not a real thing.
1813
01:40:20,613 --> 01:40:25,383
"It only exists because we havedeveloped this facet called imagination
1814
01:40:25,385 --> 01:40:29,988
"and that is all too real and tangible.It gives pain.
1815
01:40:29,990 --> 01:40:32,557
"It's brief,and soon I am back again at the keyboard,
1816
01:40:32,559 --> 01:40:35,293
"reliving the past 40 years,
1817
01:40:35,295 --> 01:40:39,063
"but I suppose it will always belurking to catch me unawares.
1818
01:40:39,065 --> 01:40:41,599
"So, perhaps this storyis a form of denial.
1819
01:40:43,369 --> 01:40:44,736
"How ironic it is
1820
01:40:44,738 --> 01:40:48,139
"that the final revelation
of this aftermath
1821
01:40:48,141 --> 01:40:50,775
"have brought Sarah and I closer together
1822
01:40:52,611 --> 01:40:55,613
"and resulted in me
writing volumes,
1823
01:40:55,615 --> 01:40:58,416
"as Diane always wanted me to.
1824
01:40:58,418 --> 01:41:01,486
"It has given mea new lease on life.
1825
01:41:08,160 --> 01:41:11,029
"At 5:26 this morning,a little girl was born
1826
01:41:11,031 --> 01:41:13,798
"to Jennifer, my son's wife.
1827
01:41:13,800 --> 01:41:16,100
"It's almost three quarters of a century
1828
01:41:16,102 --> 01:41:18,803
"since I was pulled outinto the air of Ilford,
1829
01:41:18,805 --> 01:41:24,175
"and now this small girl is startingto learn about life in Toronto.
1830
01:41:24,177 --> 01:41:26,277
"One thing is certain,
1831
01:41:26,279 --> 01:41:28,613
"her life will be radically
different from mine.
1832
01:41:28,615 --> 01:41:31,182
"So different thatwe might as well be
1833
01:41:31,184 --> 01:41:34,118
"born on planetslight-years apart.
1834
01:41:34,120 --> 01:41:38,122
"I think she'll be interested toread of her grandfather's life,
1835
01:41:38,124 --> 01:41:40,224
"set down in way that
1836
01:41:40,226 --> 01:41:42,186
"makes it very unlike the
stuff of history books.
1837
01:41:43,163 --> 01:41:48,232
"And now,there's a fly buzzing around me as I write.
1838
01:41:48,234 --> 01:41:50,835
"It'll buzz around for a
short time looking for food,
1839
01:41:50,837 --> 01:41:53,371
"and, once sustained,may seek a mate.
1840
01:41:54,373 --> 01:41:55,706
"It will never know why.
1841
01:41:56,842 --> 01:41:59,444
"It has simply been sentenced
1842
01:41:59,446 --> 01:42:03,314
"to follow the demandsof millions of ancestors.
1843
01:42:03,316 --> 01:42:06,451
"For that fly, the word'why' does not exist.
1844
01:42:07,453 --> 01:42:09,754
"Yes, that's it, Michael.
1845
01:42:09,756 --> 01:42:11,656
"Just accept the sentence.
1846
01:42:13,592 --> 01:42:15,126
"I will go on.
1847
01:42:16,628 --> 01:42:18,863
"I will go on."
1848
01:42:48,327 --> 01:42:50,795
I'm just
so curious about, like,
1849
01:42:50,797 --> 01:42:52,730
all the versions of this story
1850
01:42:52,732 --> 01:42:55,800
that have been in existence
since I was, like, 13,
1851
01:42:55,802 --> 01:42:58,870
and my sister first
told me as a joke,
1852
01:42:58,872 --> 01:43:01,539
you know,
"Your dad's probably not your real dad."
1853
01:43:01,541 --> 01:43:04,609
And then, when I was 18, like,
hearing your name all the time,
1854
01:43:04,611 --> 01:43:06,277
and then finding Harry,
1855
01:43:06,279 --> 01:43:08,746
and then, you know,
it being proved by a DNA test.
1856
01:43:08,748 --> 01:43:11,849
Yeah. So, it's just weird that
now when I interview people,
1857
01:43:11,851 --> 01:43:14,819
like, a couple of
her close friends
1858
01:43:14,821 --> 01:43:16,687
were shocked that
Harry was my dad,
1859
01:43:16,689 --> 01:43:18,789
because they always
thought you were my dad.
1860
01:43:21,493 --> 01:43:22,760
Um...
1861
01:43:24,229 --> 01:43:27,565
Well, okay then, I'll...
I'll have to, uh...
1862
01:43:27,567 --> 01:43:29,767
I'll have to tell you that
we did sleep together once.
166124
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