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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:12,000 I'm a sick man. Last night, after three years of chasing Elliot, 2 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,900 I convinced her to dump her perfect boyfriend and then immediately realized I don't want her. 3 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,600 What the hell's wrong with me? 4 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,600 Luckily she doesn't have to get up until 9 and she's an incredibly heavy sleeper. 5 00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:27,800 Ooh! Ooh! Ooog! 6 00:00:27,800 --> 00:00:30,300 An incredibly heavy sleeper. 7 00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:32,900 Wow. 8 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,300 I knew I needed to talk this over with someone who understood me. 9 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:39,300 Someone I had recently been intimate with. 10 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:42,200 Yeah? 11 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,700 Okay, not him. 12 00:00:43,700 --> 00:00:46,300 J.D., this is Larry. Larry, this is J.D. 13 00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:48,100 I think I'll go put on some underwear. 14 00:00:48,100 --> 00:00:49,800 Please, Larry! 15 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:52,200 What the hell you doing with that guy? 16 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:54,400 I don't know. I thought it'd be cool to date a celebrity. 17 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:55,800 He's not a celebrity! 18 00:00:56,600 --> 00:00:57,700 Wait a second! 19 00:00:57,700 --> 00:00:59,600 Are you the Soup Nazi from 'Seinfeld'? 20 00:00:59,600 --> 00:01:01,100 No. 21 00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:03,500 Say the soup thing. 22 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:04,600 No! 23 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:05,700 Dammit! 24 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,200 Turk! We're getting married tomorrow! 25 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,600 Yeah.... 26 00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:13,500 Why aren't you excited? 27 00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:17,600 'Cause, baby, we've been here for an hour and you've already said it like thirteen times. 28 00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:20,000 But we're getting married tomorrow!!!! 29 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,400 Have you been working on your vows? 30 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,000 Define "work." 31 00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:30,300 It's the difference between special birthday sex and no sex on our wedding night. 32 00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,600 Yeah, I do like the special birthday sex. 33 00:01:32,700 --> 00:01:35,200 Turk, when I asked you if you wanted to write your own vows, you said yes. 34 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,700 Baby, I'm on top of it, all right? I promise you this weekend'll go off without a hitch! 35 00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:43,200 Oh, hey, how did it go picking up my brother at the airport this morning? 36 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:44,700 I'm sorry, what? 37 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:45,900 How could you forget him!? 38 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,800 You two have enough trouble getting along as it is! 39 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,100 Baby, I'm joking! 40 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:50,700 Aww. 41 00:01:58,200 --> 00:02:01,500 Hey, Marco! The invites said no dates! 42 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,700 No da--.... 43 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,600 Look, Danni, the reason I'm here is 44 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,100 well, first of all I wanted to give you back your skull lighter. 45 00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:17,100 Secondly, you always seem to have some insight in to why I'm so messed up. 46 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,200 I mean here I-I chase after Elliot for three years, now I don't want her! 47 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:23,700 Well maybe it's 'cause you idealize women and no one can live up to your standards. 48 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:25,300 Why would I idealize women? 49 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:26,800 What's your mom like? 50 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:29,200 I love you, honey. 51 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:33,500 You're the smartest, handsomest, sweetest boy in the whole world. 52 00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:38,700 And no matter how hard you look, you will never find a woman who'll love you as much as I do. 53 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:39,900 I know, Mommy. 54 00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,700 My mom is perfect. 55 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,600 Look, kid, you're just confused. 56 00:02:45,700 --> 00:02:48,600 All you need to do is focus on the little things you love about her. 57 00:02:48,700 --> 00:02:51,600 Like...the way she puts out a cigarette... 58 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:56,900 or how when she finishes a beer, she looks inside the can just to check if there's any left. 59 00:02:56,900 --> 00:02:57,800 Hm? 60 00:02:57,800 --> 00:03:02,000 Sweetie, it's 5 to 9, and my Denver omelet's not gonna make itself. 61 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,400 It's 5 to 9?! I gotta go! 62 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:07,500 Oh, he is so the Soup Nazi! Trick him! 63 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:11,400 What is it again? It's like, you're out of luck in the soup department? 64 00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,400 NO SOUP FOR YOU! 65 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,300 Ha! Rad. 66 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:18,900 Oooog! Ow! 67 00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:36,200 What are you doing? 68 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:39,600 Just lying here, watching you sleep. 69 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,400 Awww. 70 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:04,100 I don't think my hang-up with Elliot has anything to do with my sexy, amazing mom. 71 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:06,000 And I'm not that much of a commitophobe. 72 00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:10,700 Maybe I just don't feel I deserve someone as great as Elliot because I have low self-esteem. 73 00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:12,600 Do you know that you have really nice hands? 74 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,500 "Nice"? Elliot, these are the hands of a god! 75 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,400 Heh! 76 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:17,400 Fine, so it's not the self-esteem thing. 77 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:23,200 Then Elliot and I got to witness an event that many had spoken of, but none had ever seen. 78 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,200 The arrival of the janitors! 79 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:31,800 Good morning! 80 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,000 Is it? Is it really? 81 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:34,400 No, I was--I was kidding. 82 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,900 I'd stay out of his way today. He just lost the election for union president. 83 00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:41,000 Who won? 84 00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:43,800 Congratulations, sir. 85 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:44,600 Hey. 86 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:49,800 Welcome to work, boys! Be the best janitors you can be today! 87 00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:52,000 No hard feelings, brah. 88 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,900 Oh, there's hard feelings. 89 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:56,400 Grrrrrrrrrrr...hah! Eh? 90 00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,500 All right. 91 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:02,000 Nyah! What the? Oh! It's like a mechanical vice! 92 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:05,700 Change is good. 93 00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,500 Sweetheart, I slept like a log. 94 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,800 Really. See, I didn't notice, 'cause I was up all night with Jack. 95 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:17,100 Tell me this: How do you not scare him when you go in there? 96 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:21,300 Do you wear a nanny mask, or do you just slap on a nametag that says "Hi, I'm your mommy"? 97 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:25,500 I refuse to be judged by a grown man wearing a hockey jersey. 98 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,200 Which reminds me -- Jimmy's mom called, 99 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:31,900 and if you guys win the big game today, she's gonna take everybody to Chuck E. Cheese! 100 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,100 Say the word and I'll go out and buy a whole new wardrobe; 101 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,200 and to pay for it we'll just sell one of your shoes! 102 00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:39,000 Great! We made him cry! 103 00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:42,200 If we keep this up, we're gonna scar him for life! 104 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,000 I don't necessarily buy into all that new agey crap. 105 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,800 One time I saw my mom knock my father unconscious with a frying pan. 106 00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,400 You know what I did? I kept right on going with my birthday party. 107 00:05:52,500 --> 00:05:56,400 I am not fighting with you anymore. Ever! 108 00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:02,800 How 'bout this way: I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. 109 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,200 I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. 110 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,000 I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. 111 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:12,900 I love that after I spend a day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. 112 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,900 And I love that you are-- 113 00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:17,100 TuPac! I was watching that! 114 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,800 Dude! I gotta do my vows! 115 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:24,300 Oh, come on, man! That was 'When Harry Met Sally' -- it was a classic! 116 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:28,200 Oh, yeah, dude! You know, I was gonna rent that the other night, 117 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:30,200 but then I remembered I'm a heterosexual. 118 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:33,300 Too bad you couldn't remember to go to the airport. 119 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,600 You told her? 120 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,000 Yes, Turk, he did. 121 00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:40,000 Now, if you two can stop your petty crap for just one second, 122 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:43,600 maybe we can focus on what this wedding weekend is supposed to be about. 123 00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:45,500 Love. 124 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:49,200 No! ME! Promise me you'll get along. 125 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,300 Okay. 126 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:54,600 Idiot. 127 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,500 Tattletale. 128 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:02,800 Get outta my face. 129 00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:03,800 What? 130 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:07,300 I'm just saying the next person that gets in my face is gonna wish they hadn't. 131 00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:08,800 Sociopath! 132 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,000 Catch me, stud! 133 00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,600 You know, most guys woulda caught me. 134 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:17,000 I love that you didn't! 135 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,600 Oh! Cool! 136 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,300 Maybe Elliot's just not the right fit for me. I mean, I'm the kinda guy who likes stupid movies. 137 00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,900 Hey, let's rent 'Kangaroo Jack' tonight! 138 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:29,300 And I have uncontrollable hostility towards small rodents. 139 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:31,200 Or we could just go shoot rats at the dump! 140 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,700 Dammit, she's perfect on paper! What the hell's wrong with me? 141 00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,400 What? 142 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:44,400 Nothing. I just love the way you drift off in your head sometimes. 143 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:48,700 I guess the Soup Nazi was right, it is the little things that are important. 144 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:51,400 Like when Elliot blows the bangs out of her face. 145 00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:55,100 Or how she's the only person I know who sneezes with her eyes open. 146 00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,500 Atchoo. Ahem. 'Scuse me. 147 00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:02,000 And that's when I realized that I really liked all those things about Elliot, but I didn't love them... 148 00:08:02,000 --> 00:08:03,800 and I didn't love her. 149 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:05,800 You're the best. 150 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,100 See you later. 151 00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,500 Oh, boy. 152 00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:19,300 Oh, my God! That board meeting went on forever! 153 00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:22,500 It was so dull, I had to read pamphlets just to stay awake. 154 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,900 Good news is? Don't have testicular cancer. 155 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,700 Tell me, did ya happen to come across any pamphlets on people who 156 00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:31,700 only work eight days a year and then spend the other 357 whining about it? 157 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:36,400 What part of "I'm not fighting with you anymore" do you not get? 158 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:40,700 If you want someone to fight with, you have to find someone else. Mm-hmm. 159 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:48,700 Oh, good. Here you're wetting down the floor for the older folks. 160 00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:50,600 Please say that you're talking to me. 161 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:55,300 I don't see anybody else around, soap jockey. 162 00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,200 Chew louder. 163 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:06,600 Turk, I need your help, man. It's about Elliot. 164 00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:08,800 Why, did you sleep with her again? 165 00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,100 How does everybody know about this? 166 00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:13,700 Turk, I'm not in love with her, man. What am I supposed to do? 167 00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:15,300 It's killing me that I could be hurting her. 168 00:09:15,300 --> 00:09:16,800 You're a very loud chewer. 169 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,700 Dude, I would love to help right now, but I'm in the middle of writing my vows. 170 00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:23,700 And all I've got so far is, "Let's give it up for the caterers! 171 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,400 WOO! Good chicken!" 172 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:28,600 So now that you're gettin' married, it's all about you. 173 00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:31,600 No, now that I'm getting married tomorrow, it's about me. 174 00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:35,000 Ooh, still seems that you can take a minute for a friend. 175 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,100 I know! 176 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,700 Shut up, Marco! 177 00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:44,100 That was a mistake. 178 00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:46,600 Why's that? Because you're afraid you can't take me? 179 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,400 Nnnooo. It's 'cause of this. Boys! 180 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:53,500 You know where to take him. 181 00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,500 Where to take me? 182 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:57,900 Wait, who's taking me wh--? Maintenance? Maintenance? Uh-oh. 183 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,600 We-hey. ___ now. The maintenance brothers! 184 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,700 That was Father Paul. He said we can't read our own vows, 185 00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:07,000 we have to use the same Catholic ones like everyone else. 186 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,200 No! 187 00:10:08,300 --> 00:10:09,200 Yeah. 188 00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,300 Noooo! 189 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,500 Aw, baby, Carla, that sucks. 'Cause you know, 190 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:15,000 I was gonna totally blow you away. 191 00:10:15,100 --> 00:10:17,000 Since you guys worked so hard, 192 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:19,000 why don't you just read 'em at the rehearsal dinner tonight? 193 00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:21,700 That's a fantastic idea! 194 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:22,800 Isn't it, Turk? 195 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:23,500 Super! 196 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:26,000 Awesome! I'm gonna go work on them some more. 197 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,700 Unfortunately for me, I wasn't in love with Elliot. 198 00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:38,500 But I'm a man, and even though it was gonna be tough, I knew exactly what I had to do. 199 00:10:38,500 --> 00:10:42,700 Ready to go? I say we pick up some Chinese and hang at home tonight. 200 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:43,800 Awesome! 201 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,700 I was going to stay with her for the rest of my life. 202 00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,200 Once you embrace a relationship and decide that you're really in, 203 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:59,600 everything becomes easier. And I am in, baby! 204 00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,600 So, my parents are coming to town next week. 205 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,100 We must eat with them! 206 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,300 Oh. All right. 207 00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,600 Hey, Elliot. Thanks for letting me crash at your place 208 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,600 while Carla's family's in town for the wedding. 209 00:11:09,700 --> 00:11:11,900 Oh, it's not problem. See ya, roomie. 210 00:11:15,100 --> 00:11:16,400 And now we live together. 211 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:21,000 What the? 212 00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:22,700 Sheila! 213 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:23,500 Aaagh! 214 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:25,200 Lgh mm ogh rm um ghna kghl ghu! 215 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:29,400 I can only assume you're saying "Let me out or I'm gonna kill ya" -- not gonna happen. 216 00:11:29,500 --> 00:11:32,400 Listen, I'm in a rare position of power here, okay? 217 00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,700 So I'm only gonna let you out if you admit that you're my mentor. 218 00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:39,600 I know! I know that makes you angry, but-- 219 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,700 Uh-oh! 220 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,100 Okay! Okay! You know, I'm fine the other way! However you wanna do-- 221 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:46,800 Dr. Cox. 222 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,200 Why is your mouth red? 223 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,300 Duct-taped two hours in a morgue drawer; 224 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,800 don't piss off the Janitor; end of story. 225 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:58,700 ...'Kay... I'm ordering more pens. Do you like twisty bottoms or clicky tops? 226 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:01,300 I can't imagine anything I care less about. 227 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,500 Damn these twisty bottoms. We need some more clicky tops. 228 00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:05,500 Not gonna happen, Bob. 229 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,100 Here I just told Carla to order a hundred thousand twisty bottoms. 230 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:11,900 Nice face. But can't you just order a box of clicky tops for me? 231 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,500 No, Bob. Everybody gets the same. 232 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,400 Fine. I'll just take these. 233 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:21,100 You just bought yourself four weekends on call! 234 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:23,600 Damn twisty bottoms! 235 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,900 You just said you didn't care. Why are you fighting? 236 00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,200 I can't stop! 237 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:35,000 Baby, you mean so much to me. That's why you my baby. 238 00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:38,600 And, yeah, there were babies before you, but I promise you, baby, 239 00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:41,700 you will be my baby forever, baby. 240 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,700 Stop saying "baby"! 241 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:49,000 You're not even dressed yet!? We gotta pick up Carla on the way, man! 242 00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:52,700 You know what, tell her I couldn't come up with anything, so I guess I don't love her. 243 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,500 Gimme that. 244 00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:55,400 For what? 245 00:12:56,300 --> 00:12:57,700 I'm gonna write your vows for you. 246 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,000 Ooh! A clicky top! 247 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:02,500 Does this mean we're amigos? 248 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,500 No. It means that I love my sister, and she deserves to hear something beautiful said about her. 249 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,300 And I'm positive if your life was on the line, 250 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:12,300 you couldn't squeeze one eloquent coherent thought out of that tether ball you call a head! 251 00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:13,500 Thank you! 252 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,500 God, I can't remember the last time I saw you in this suit and tie. 253 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:23,800 How can you not remember that time we were with those-- 254 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,200 Oh, God! With the two guys! 255 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,600 --the two guys, and their mom was trying to sing that song! 256 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:28,600 It was so funny! 257 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,400 So funny. 258 00:13:32,100 --> 00:13:33,900 Till they had to...put their horse down. 259 00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,500 Oh, yeah.... 260 00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:37,700 Poor Cinnamon. 261 00:13:37,700 --> 00:13:40,800 He could run like the wind, but his tail couldn't put out that fire. 262 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,300 Yeah. 263 00:13:42,300 --> 00:13:44,100 God, we have so much history together. 264 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:47,300 So great to finally be able to call you my boyfriend. 265 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,200 Boyfriend? 266 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,000 Oh, should I not have said that? 267 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,100 No it's just...it's nice to hear it out loud. 268 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,000 And it was nice. 269 00:13:56,000 --> 00:14:01,100 I mean, here I was having my tie tied by this beautiful woman who happened to be one of my closest friends, 270 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:05,200 and I realized that this is what a relationship is supposed to feel like. 271 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,700 There. It's perfect. 272 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:09,700 Yeah, it is. 273 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,200 What's going on with you? 274 00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:24,300 Let's see, Jordan and I aren't, uh...we're not fighting anymore. 275 00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:25,300 Oh, no. 276 00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:27,200 How long has this been going on? 277 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,400 Since the baby came along we've been fighting less and less. 278 00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,500 Why don't you get a hotel room? 279 00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:36,200 Pour some nice champagne, get in a tub, and rip each other new ones. 280 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:37,800 You know, make it special. 281 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,300 She won't go for that! 282 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,100 Well, you have to do something. 283 00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:43,900 No I don't, you jackass! 284 00:14:43,900 --> 00:14:47,500 Ha ha! Sweetie, you ain't getting any here. I'm getting married tomorrow. 285 00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:48,400 Please? 286 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:50,500 No. No. No. 287 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:59,100 ...And most of all, I wish our mom was with us tonight. 288 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:06,600 Not because she was taken too early, but because she would see how happy you've made me, 289 00:15:06,700 --> 00:15:10,400 and she would love you forever for that. 290 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,000 And Christopher-- 291 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:12,900 Yes? 292 00:15:12,900 --> 00:15:16,800 --I've made a lot of mistakes in my life, but you've managed to erase them all, 293 00:15:16,800 --> 00:15:21,000 because each and every one of them has led me to you. 294 00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:26,100 Wow. That's a hard act to follow. 295 00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:35,600 Carla, I love that you get cold when it's seventy-one degrees out. 296 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:39,700 I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. 297 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:44,000 I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. 298 00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:45,300 Yeah, like you got right now! Just like that one! 299 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:51,200 I love that you're the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. 300 00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,300 Turk! 301 00:15:52,300 --> 00:15:54,400 Dude, I'm workin' here. 302 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,900 And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's our rehearsal dinner. 303 00:15:59,900 --> 00:16:04,900 I came here tonight because, when you realize you wanna spend the rest of your life with someone, 304 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:08,400 you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 305 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,500 Turk. 306 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,700 Yeah, baby? 307 00:16:17,800 --> 00:16:20,500 That's the speech from 'When Harry Met Sally'. 308 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:28,900 Those pants make your ass look giant. 309 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,000 Stop doing this. 310 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,700 I'm doing it for us. You suck at Scrabble. 311 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:32,900 Do I look mad? 312 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,900 You got so much Botox in your expressionless face, I can't tell. 313 00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:37,500 Oh, is that a frown? 314 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:40,400 What else you got? 315 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,600 Well, when it's my turn to listen to the baby monitor, 316 00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,700 I just wait till you're asleep and I turn it off! 317 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:47,100 Perry, give it up. There's nothing you can say! 318 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:47,900 Oh. 319 00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,100 You and your mother are basically the same person. 320 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:56,400 What did you say!? 321 00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,300 I'm gonna kill you! 322 00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:01,600 If you don't wanna fight in front of Jack anymore, I understand that. 323 00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,300 But I don't think that means we gotta stop altogether. 324 00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:07,900 I mean, Jordan, you are an unpredictable, passionate person, 325 00:17:07,900 --> 00:17:09,600 and you challenge me each and every day. 326 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:12,500 And, honestly, that's the reason I can imagine being with you 327 00:17:12,600 --> 00:17:17,100 when I'm seventy and you're sixty-five and your face is forty and your boobs are twenty-nine. 328 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,600 My face'll never look forty. 329 00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:19,800 You're right, my bad. 330 00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:27,100 Oh, my God. My future brother-in-law is an evil genius! 331 00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,500 I'm gonna go, uh, check on "Sally"! Ha! 332 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,500 Okay, not funny yet. 333 00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,300 So I take it you haven't broken up with her yet. 334 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,100 Yeah, I decided to stay with her forever. 335 00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:40,800 That's great, dude. 336 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:42,300 I know you think you're being nice, but I'm pretty sure 337 00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:44,800 Elliot doesn't want to spend her life with someone who doesn't love her. 338 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:46,000 Oh, you know what? 339 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:49,400 If it's okay with you, I'm gonna go ahead and take relationship advice 340 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,500 from someone whose fiancee is currently speaking to him. 341 00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:52,100 Ohhhh! 342 00:17:52,200 --> 00:17:52,800 Ohhhh-ho! 343 00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:56,000 Gimme some champagne! I need a victory sip! 344 00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:57,500 Cheers. 345 00:17:58,700 --> 00:18:00,100 You're making a big mistake. 346 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,400 Come on, man. Elliot and I are like best friends. 347 00:18:02,400 --> 00:18:05,700 We love hanging out with each other. Maybe that's love. 348 00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,600 I mean, who--who knows what love really is? 349 00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:12,500 I do. J.D., when I look at Carla, I see the future. 350 00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:17,700 I see kids, I see minivans, I see a beer gut -- on me, of course, not her. 351 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:18,600 I hope so. 352 00:18:18,700 --> 00:18:20,200 But you know what's really weird? 353 00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,700 None of that stuff scares me. Not even when-- 354 00:18:22,700 --> 00:18:23,600 Turk. 355 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,700 Dude, I'm trying to make a point here. 356 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,500 I know. Maybe you should stand up and say that. 357 00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:29,800 Carla. 358 00:18:31,100 --> 00:18:34,800 When I look into your eyes, I see the future. 359 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:42,800 I see kids, I see minivans...you name it, I see it. 360 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:51,000 The weird thing is, though, as long as I see your smile, none of that stuff scares me. 361 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,300 Listening to Turk made me think a lot about love. 362 00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,800 Like how sometimes it can be hard to understand. 363 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,800 Why didn't you tell me you felt that way, you dumbass? 364 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,900 Because you're so much like your mother, you wouldn'ta listened anyway. 365 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,600 No biting. 366 00:19:13,600 --> 00:19:14,800 Just take it, you girl. 367 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:15,900 Mmm. 368 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,900 Other times, love's obvious to everyone. 369 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,400 ...Anyway, uh... 370 00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:26,600 ...I may not ever be able to tell you how much you mean to me, 371 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:34,900 but I promise I will try to show you...for the rest of my life. I love you. 372 00:19:34,900 --> 00:19:36,500 I love you. 373 00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:40,700 Aren't they amazing? 374 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,500 I don't love you. 375 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:46,300 What? 376 00:19:48,000 --> 00:19:49,700 Please don't cry. 377 00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:51,800 Oh, I won't. 378 00:19:55,700 --> 00:19:57,400 Oh-ho! 379 00:19:57,700 --> 00:20:01,100 Oh, God! Someone call 9-1-1! 380 00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,300 Oh, could I get a little more wine, please? 381 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:10,300 This chicken is fantastic! 30698

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