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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,243 >> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT 2 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,537 HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY 3 00:00:04,538 --> 00:00:05,738 FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION 4 00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:06,469 PROGRAM... 5 00:00:06,474 --> 00:00:08,184 MOVE THEM TO NEW YORK CITY... 6 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:09,936 AND GIVE THEM THEIR OWN REALITY 7 00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:10,443 SHOW? 8 00:00:10,444 --> 00:00:11,884 >> DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO * 9 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,249 >> Jon: PREVIOUSLY, ON 10 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,217 "DELOCATED"... 11 00:00:14,215 --> 00:00:16,175 * I WANT TO BE A PART OF 12 00:00:16,184 --> 00:00:18,524 NEW YORK CITY * 13 00:00:18,552 --> 00:00:20,152 WHAT THE [BLEEP] 14 00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:21,294 WHY ELSE WOULD I PUT MY FAMILY 15 00:00:21,289 --> 00:00:22,419 ON CAMERA AND RISK THEM BEING 16 00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:23,593 MURDERED IF I WASN'T IN A SWEET 17 00:00:23,591 --> 00:00:23,921 LOFT? 18 00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:25,064 THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT WORTH IT. 19 00:00:25,059 --> 00:00:26,129 >> Susan: [ Distorted ] I'M 20 00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,057 TAKING DAVID TO A HOTEL. 21 00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:28,601 I NEED TO FIGURE SOME STUFF OUT. 22 00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:34,336 >> Yvgeny: [ SPEAKING RUSSIAN ] 23 00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:35,935 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 24 00:00:35,936 --> 00:00:37,336 >> Jon: IT'S ABOUT TIME. 25 00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:38,268 [ DOOR OPENS ] 26 00:00:38,272 --> 00:00:39,972 >> HEY, MIKE. GOOD TO SEE YOU. 27 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,383 HOW'S THE SECRET SERVICE 28 00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,805 TREATING YOU? 29 00:00:44,845 --> 00:00:46,505 HEY, IT'S AMERICA'S NEWEST 30 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:48,484 REALITY-TV STAR! 31 00:00:48,482 --> 00:00:50,282 >> Jon: HEY, IT'S AMERICA'S 32 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:51,194 BIGGEST ASSHOLE. 33 00:00:51,185 --> 00:00:51,845 >> WHOA, J- 34 00:00:51,852 --> 00:00:52,752 >> Jon: SHUT UP. 35 00:00:52,753 --> 00:00:54,163 YOU SENT THE CAMERA CREW TO 36 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:55,715 COVER THE GUY TRYING TO KILL ME? 37 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:56,463 ARE YOU INSANE? 38 00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:57,687 >> Mike: YVGENY MIRMINSKY -- 39 00:00:57,691 --> 00:00:58,961 MEMBER OF THE MIRMINSKY CRIME 40 00:00:58,959 --> 00:00:59,389 FAMILY. 41 00:00:59,393 --> 00:01:00,633 >> WELL, HE'S NOT A TRAINED 42 00:01:00,628 --> 00:01:01,728 KILLER, AS YOU MIGHT HAVE 43 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:02,859 GUESSED FROM THE PAUL RUDD 44 00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:03,303 FIASCO. 45 00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:04,267 [ SILENCED GUNSHOTS ] 46 00:01:04,265 --> 00:01:05,125 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD. 47 00:01:05,133 --> 00:01:07,273 PAUL RUDD IS DEAD? AAH! 48 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:08,638 >> JON, I KNOW YOU'RE NOT HAPPY 49 00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:09,966 ABOUT THIS, BUT I DON'T REALLY 50 00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:11,000 KNOW WHAT TO TELL YOU. 51 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,314 PART OF YOUR LIFE IS THAT THE 52 00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:13,906 RUSSIAN MOB WANTS YOU DEAD. 53 00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,677 WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO, NOT 54 00:01:15,676 --> 00:01:16,376 COVER THAT? 55 00:01:16,377 --> 00:01:17,777 THAT WOULD BE LIKE DOING A 56 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,448 REALITY SHOW ABOUT... 57 00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:20,847 JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE AND NOT 58 00:01:20,848 --> 00:01:23,318 SHOWING HIS, UH... 59 00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:26,047 BEAUTIFUL BODY. 60 00:01:26,053 --> 00:01:28,393 >> Jon: SUSAN? 61 00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,259 SUSAN. 62 00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:31,958 HEY, I THOUGHT THAT WAS YOU. 63 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:33,159 >> Susan: OH, WOW. 64 00:01:33,161 --> 00:01:35,331 HOW'D YOU FIGURE THAT OUT? 65 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,299 >> Jon: [ SIGHS ] 66 00:01:36,297 --> 00:01:37,627 >> Susan: OH, JON, THIS IS 67 00:01:37,631 --> 00:01:39,171 CHRIS, THE AGENT THEY ASSIGNED 68 00:01:39,167 --> 00:01:40,067 TO DAVID AND ME. 69 00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:40,797 >> Jon: HEY. 70 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:41,801 GREAT TO MEET YOU. 71 00:01:41,802 --> 00:01:43,002 >> HOW YOU DOING? 72 00:01:43,003 --> 00:01:44,273 >> Jon: DAVID. [ CHUCKLES ] 73 00:01:44,272 --> 00:01:45,212 >> David: HI, DAD. 74 00:01:45,206 --> 00:01:46,436 >> Jon: I LOVE HIS OUTFIT. 75 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:47,540 WHAT'S GOING ON THERE? 76 00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,641 >> Susan: IT'S A PHASE. 77 00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:49,982 >> Jon: OHH, WHAT'S GOING ON 78 00:01:49,977 --> 00:01:50,707 HERE? 79 00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:52,281 >> Susan: OH. YEAH, OKAY. OKAY. 80 00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,780 >> Jon: I DIDN'T THINK WE WERE 81 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:55,181 ALLOWED TO ALTER THE MASKS. 82 00:01:55,183 --> 00:01:56,623 YEAH, I DIDN'T THINK SO. 83 00:01:56,617 --> 00:01:58,017 SO, WHAT'S UP? WHAT'S, UH... 84 00:01:58,018 --> 00:01:59,888 >> Susan: WELL, I, UM, I JUST 85 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,957 WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT, UM, 86 00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:03,915 DAVID AND I ARE GOING TO REMOVE 87 00:02:03,924 --> 00:02:05,694 OUR SKI MASKS AND OUR VOCAL 88 00:02:05,693 --> 00:02:07,703 HARMONIZERS FOR HIS BAR MITZVAH 89 00:02:07,695 --> 00:02:08,325 THIS WEEKEND. 90 00:02:08,329 --> 00:02:10,559 >> Jon: UH, NO, YOU'RE NOT. 91 00:02:10,564 --> 00:02:11,604 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 92 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:12,199 ARE YOU CRAZY? 93 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:13,230 >> Susan: DO YOU KNOW WHAT? 94 00:02:13,234 --> 00:02:14,244 THIS IS END OF DISCUSSION. 95 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,365 >> Jon: THERE IS NO DISCUSSION 96 00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:16,399 ABOUT THIS 'CAUSE YOU'RE NOT 97 00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:17,104 TAKING THEM OFF. 98 00:02:17,104 --> 00:02:18,014 >> Susan: THEN WE'RE IN 99 00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:18,465 AGREEMENT. 100 00:02:18,472 --> 00:02:19,412 I WILL SEE YOU SATURDAY. 101 00:02:19,407 --> 00:02:20,807 >> Jon: WE ARE NOT IN AGREEMENT. 102 00:02:20,808 --> 00:02:22,478 THIS IS NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 103 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:26,006 SUSAN! ABSOLU-- 104 00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,423 >> Mike: SEE YOU AT THE BAR 105 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,015 MITZVAH! 106 00:02:29,016 --> 00:02:30,516 >> Jon: "SEE YOU AT THE BAR 107 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:31,218 MITZVAH"? 108 00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,689 >> Mike: WHAT, DID I SAY IT 109 00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:33,216 WRONG? 110 00:02:33,221 --> 00:02:34,921 >> Jon: WELL, YOU SAID IT RIGHT, 111 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:35,392 MIKE. 112 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,089 HOW ABOUT "YOU KNOW WHAT, SUSAN, 113 00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,460 JON IS RIGHT -- THAT IS A 114 00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,129 TERRIBLE IDEA BECAUSE YOU'LL BE 115 00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:41,827 MURDERED ALONG WITH YOUR SON"... 116 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:43,429 INSTEAD OF "SEE YOU AT THE BAR 117 00:02:43,431 --> 00:02:45,271 MITZVAH!" 118 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,669 >> WELL... 119 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,297 [ SPITS ] 120 00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,041 ...YOU KNOW, DAVID'S BAR MITZVAH 121 00:02:49,036 --> 00:02:50,736 IS OBVIOUSLY NOT HAPPENING UNDER 122 00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,408 THE BEST CIRCUMSTANCES, BUT I'M 123 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:54,006 STILL EXCITED. 124 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,341 >> Mike: WELL, YOU SHOULD BE. 125 00:02:55,343 --> 00:02:56,143 IT'S A BIG DAY. 126 00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:57,113 >> Jon: NO, I KNOW. 127 00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:58,550 IT'S JUST THE ONE THING I'M NOT 128 00:02:58,546 --> 00:02:59,946 HAPPY ABOUT IS THAT, YOU KNOW, 129 00:02:59,947 --> 00:03:01,317 HE'S GOING THROUGH A BIG SKA 130 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:02,445 PHASE RIGHT NOW. 131 00:03:02,450 --> 00:03:03,780 [ SKA MUSIC PLAYING ] 132 00:03:03,784 --> 00:03:05,094 AND INSTEAD OF CALLING IT HIS 133 00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:06,645 BAR MITZVAH, HE INSISTS 134 00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,064 EVERYONE CALL IT HIS 135 00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:09,085 "SKA MITZVAH." 136 00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:09,859 [ SPITS ] 137 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,657 HEY, HAVE YOU SEEN MY SKINNY 138 00:03:11,659 --> 00:03:12,059 TIE? 139 00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,159 >> Mike: I LOVE SKA. 140 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:14,030 >> Jon: REALLY? 141 00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:14,857 >> Mike: YEAH. 142 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:16,432 A LOT OF US SECRET SERVICE GUYS 143 00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:18,100 ARE INTO IT, ACTUALLY, 144 00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:19,568 ESPECIALLY CHRIS. 145 00:03:19,567 --> 00:03:21,267 >> Jon: WHO'S CHRIS? 146 00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,899 >> Mike: YOU KNOW... 147 00:03:22,903 --> 00:03:24,913 YOUR WIFE'S AGENT. 148 00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,075 >> Jon: GREAT TO MEET YOU. 149 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,710 >> Mike: MORSE SKA-CODA IS 150 00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,284 MOSTLY GUYS FROM SKAPOLEON, 151 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,723 BECAUSE SKAPOLEON BROKE UP. 152 00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:37,717 >> HEY, GUYS. GET YOU A 153 00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:38,818 CAB? 154 00:03:38,819 --> 00:03:40,019 >> Jon: UH, WHERE'S JAY? 155 00:03:40,020 --> 00:03:41,360 >> WELCOME TO YOUR NEW HOME. 156 00:03:41,355 --> 00:03:42,885 MY NAME IS JAY. I'M THE DOORMAN. 157 00:03:42,890 --> 00:03:45,530 >> OH, JAY QUIT. 158 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:46,626 >> Jon: WHY? 159 00:03:46,627 --> 00:03:48,657 >> I DON'T KNOW. 160 00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,632 >> Jon: UH, OH, WELL, I'M JON. 161 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:54,301 >> OH, HEY. I'M JAY. 162 00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:56,142 >> Jon: YOUR NAME IS ALSO JAY. 163 00:03:56,136 --> 00:04:01,106 >> YES. 164 00:04:01,108 --> 00:04:02,608 >> BUT YOU'RE ALL SET UP IN 1H. 165 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,810 >> David: IS THAT A FAKE 166 00:04:03,811 --> 00:04:04,381 MUSTACHE? 167 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:07,818 >> Jon: DAVID! 168 00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:09,515 IS THAT A FAKE MUSTACHE? 169 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:10,077 >> NO. 170 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,523 >> Jon: UH, OKAY, THEN. 171 00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:14,519 NICE TO MEET YOU. YEP. 172 00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:17,332 [ DOOR OPENS ] 173 00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:30,065 [ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ] 174 00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,710 HEY, MIKE, THIS IS MY MOM AND 175 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:32,105 DAD. 176 00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:34,005 >> DOES IT -- HOW DOES IT STAY 177 00:04:34,007 --> 00:04:34,337 ON? 178 00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:35,512 >> Jon: I'M GOING TO CHECK ON 179 00:04:35,509 --> 00:04:35,909 DAVID. 180 00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:36,539 HE'S NERVOUS. 181 00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:37,784 >> SO YOU'RE NOT WORRIED ABOUT 182 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:38,848 IT FALLING OFF DURING THE 183 00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:39,546 SERVICE? 184 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:40,907 >> WE'LL TALK LATER. 185 00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:44,494 >> ALL RIGHT. 186 00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,145 >> Jon: [ SIGHS ] 187 00:04:47,154 --> 00:04:50,064 >> Susan: OKAY. 188 00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:52,357 >> Jon: WOW. ACTUALLY DID IT. 189 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:53,760 WHAT A HUGE MISTAKE. 190 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:56,461 >> Susan: [ Normal voice ] JON, 191 00:04:56,464 --> 00:04:59,274 DO NOT -- AND I MEAN DO NOT -- 192 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,966 RUIN TODAY FOR DAVID. 193 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:02,899 >> Jon: NO PROBLEM. 194 00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:03,703 >> Susan: YEAH? 195 00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:04,414 >> Jon: YEAH. 196 00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,205 >> Susan: OKAY. 197 00:05:05,205 --> 00:05:05,965 >> Jon: GREAT. 198 00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:06,743 >> Susan: GOOD. 199 00:05:06,740 --> 00:05:07,710 >> Jon: MM-HMM. 200 00:05:07,708 --> 00:05:09,108 >> Susan: MIKE. 201 00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:10,439 >> David: [ Normal voice ] 202 00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:11,044 WHATEVER. 203 00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:12,154 RELIGION'S ALL, LIKE, 204 00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,075 HOCUS-POCUS, ANYWAY. 205 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,981 OKAY, SEE YOU WHEN YOU GET BACK. 206 00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:18,393 OKAY, BYE. 207 00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:19,286 >> Jon: WHO'S THAT? 208 00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:20,416 >> David: MY GIRLFRIEND. 209 00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:21,191 >> Jon: OHH! 210 00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,658 NEW YORK GIRLFRIEND ALREADY. 211 00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:23,116 NICE! 212 00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,433 >> David: YEAH, SHE'S IN 213 00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,825 BARBA-DOS WITH HER FAMILY, SO 214 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,156 SHE CAN'T MAKE IT. 215 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,460 >> Jon: YOU MEAN BAR-BAY-DOS. 216 00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,662 >> David: NO, NO, I THINK IT'S 217 00:05:30,664 --> 00:05:31,164 BAR-BIH-DOS. 218 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,104 >> Jon: HMM, BARBADOS. 219 00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:33,399 >> David: RIHANNA PRONOUNCES IT 220 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,471 "BARBA-DOS," AND SHE'S FROM 221 00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:34,968 BARBA-DOS. 222 00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:36,038 >> Jon: YOU MEAN REE-ANNA... 223 00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:37,136 >> David: NO, IT'S "RIHANNA." 224 00:05:37,137 --> 00:05:38,407 >> Jon: ...WHO'S FROM BARBADOS. 225 00:05:38,406 --> 00:05:39,906 >> David: NO, IT'S BARBA-DOS. 226 00:05:39,907 --> 00:05:40,537 IT'S NOT -- 227 00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:41,881 >> Jon: YEAH, IT'S BARBADOS. 228 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:43,935 LOOK, SON, I KNOW THINGS ARE 229 00:05:43,944 --> 00:05:44,654 WEIRD RIGHT NOW. 230 00:05:44,645 --> 00:05:45,775 BUT I'M STILL YOUR DAD, AND I 231 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:46,909 WANT YOU TO PUT THE MASK ON. 232 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,154 >> David: DAD, I DON'T THINK GOD 233 00:05:48,148 --> 00:05:49,778 WOULD WANT ME TO WEAR A SKI MASK 234 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:50,723 WHILE I BECOME A MAN. 235 00:05:50,718 --> 00:05:51,418 >> Jon: I SEE. 236 00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:52,719 GOD DOESN'T WANT YOU TO WEAR THE 237 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:53,050 MASK. 238 00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:53,793 >> David: YEAH. 239 00:05:53,787 --> 00:05:54,917 >> Jon: IS THAT WHAT YOU'RE 240 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:55,492 TELLING ME? 241 00:05:55,489 --> 00:05:56,819 WELL, YOU'RE ON THE PHONE WITH A 242 00:05:56,824 --> 00:05:57,964 GIRLFRIEND YOU'RE TRYING TO 243 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:58,958 IMPRESS BY SAYING, "AH, 244 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,129 RELIGION'S ALL HOCUS-POCUS," 245 00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,527 'CAUSE YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH 246 00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:01,899 HER. 247 00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,195 I GUESS GOD IS OKAY WITH THE 248 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:04,526 WHOLE SKA-THEMED BAR MITZVAH, 249 00:06:04,532 --> 00:06:05,872 BUT THE MASK IS TOO MUCH FOR 250 00:06:05,866 --> 00:06:06,196 GOD. 251 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:07,669 [ SIGHS ] AND WHILE WE'RE AT IT, 252 00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:09,068 I GUESS EVERY SURVIVING MEMBER 253 00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:10,769 OF THE HOLOCAUST GOT NO PROBLEM 254 00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:12,511 WITH THE SKA-THEMED BAR MITZVAH, 255 00:06:12,506 --> 00:06:12,966 RIGHT? 256 00:06:12,973 --> 00:06:14,213 ALTHOUGH, WAIT A MINUTE. 257 00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:14,877 I'M SORRY. 258 00:06:14,875 --> 00:06:16,435 I GUESS TODAY WE GOT TO CALL IT 259 00:06:16,444 --> 00:06:17,854 THE "SKA-LOCAUST." 260 00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:21,775 THINK ABOUT THE MASK, PLEASE. 261 00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:27,717 >> Susan: GOOD. 262 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,221 >> Jon: WELL, IT'S HARD, YOU 263 00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:31,322 KNOW. 264 00:06:31,324 --> 00:06:33,064 MY WIFE'S AGENT, CHRIS, IS INTO 265 00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:33,490 SKA? 266 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,134 >> Mike: YEAH, "RUDE CHRIS." 267 00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:36,858 >> David: RELIGION'S ALL, LIKE, 268 00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,074 HOCUS-POCUS, ANYWAY. 269 00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:39,925 >> Mike: RUDE CHRIS. 270 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:42,003 RUDE CHRIS. 271 00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:57,794 >> David: [ SINGING IN HEBREW ] 272 00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,145 >> All: * AMEN 273 00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,623 [ SKA MUSIC PLAYS ] 274 00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,255 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT! 275 00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:12,272 * I AM HAVING A GOOD TIME 276 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:14,935 * I AM HAVING A GOOD TI-IME 277 00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:15,595 >> David: DAD. 278 00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:16,873 >> Jon: * OOH, DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE, 279 00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,370 DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE * 280 00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:19,711 >> David: IT'S EMBARRASSING, 281 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:20,067 DAD. 282 00:07:20,073 --> 00:07:23,543 >> Jon: WHAT A BABY. 283 00:07:23,544 --> 00:07:24,884 >> Susan: DIDN'T DAVID DO A 284 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:25,508 GREAT JOB? 285 00:07:25,513 --> 00:07:26,583 I'M SO PROUD OF HIM. 286 00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:27,980 >> Jon: HE WAS TERRIFIC, AND 287 00:07:27,981 --> 00:07:29,521 IT'S TOO BAD HE WAS NOT WEARING 288 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:31,277 HIS MASK. 289 00:07:31,284 --> 00:07:32,154 >> Susan: OKAY. 290 00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:33,252 JON, TAKE TODAY OFF. 291 00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:34,863 YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME, ALL RIGHT? 292 00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,315 >> Jon: OKAY, I'M WAVING THE 293 00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,633 WHITE FLAG THAT HAS BLACK 294 00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:38,655 CHECKERS ON IT, ALSO. 295 00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:40,159 >> I DON'T LIKE WHAT I'M HEARING 296 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:40,730 FROM YOU. 297 00:07:40,728 --> 00:07:42,228 >> SORRY TO INTERRUPT, BUT I GOT 298 00:07:42,229 --> 00:07:43,129 TO RUN. 299 00:07:43,130 --> 00:07:44,060 GREAT PARTY. GREAT. 300 00:07:44,064 --> 00:07:45,104 >> THANKS FOR COMING. 301 00:07:45,098 --> 00:07:47,668 >> Jon: YEAH, THANK YOU. 302 00:07:47,668 --> 00:07:49,168 >> Susan: [ Distorted ] THIS IS 303 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,599 CHRIS, THE AGENT THEY ASSIGNED 304 00:07:50,604 --> 00:07:51,544 TO DAVID AND ME. 305 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:52,809 >> Mike: ROCK-STEADY CHRIS. 306 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:54,166 >> Jon: * I AM HAVING A GOOD 307 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:54,644 TIME * 308 00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,542 >> David: IT'S EMBARRASSING, 309 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,084 DAD. 310 00:07:57,077 --> 00:07:58,407 >> Susan: [ Normal voice ] WE 311 00:07:58,411 --> 00:07:59,681 JUST WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU 312 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,550 SO MUCH FOR COMING, ESPECIALLY 313 00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:03,950 TO OUR OUT-OF-TOWN GUESTS. 314 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,921 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 315 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:09,189 BUT MAINLY TO DAVID, WHO DID SO 316 00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:11,629 GREAT TODAY, I JUST WANTED TO 317 00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,185 SAY "SKAZEL TOV" ON YOUR 318 00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:15,404 SKA MITZVAH. 319 00:08:15,395 --> 00:08:16,795 YAY! 320 00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,867 [ APPLAUSE ] 321 00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:21,836 OH, AND ALSO, THERE'S LOTS AND 322 00:08:21,835 --> 00:08:23,735 LOTS OF "SKATZAH BALL" SOUP. 323 00:08:23,737 --> 00:08:24,937 [ LAUGHTER ] 324 00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:27,708 YEAH, AND, OH, AND LOTS OF 325 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:28,978 POTATO "SKATKES." 326 00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,036 [ LAUGHTER ] 327 00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,053 YEAH, SO, ANYWAY, EAT UP AND 328 00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,045 ENJOY. 329 00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,346 OKAY, THANK YOU. 330 00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:36,077 OH, DID YOU WANT TO SAY 331 00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,893 SOMETHING? 332 00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:40,145 >> Jon: UH, YES, YES, EAT UP AND 333 00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:40,793 ENJOY. 334 00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,458 THIS IS ALL ABOUT DAVID. 335 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,585 LET'S CELEBRATE. 336 00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,632 UM, REALLY QUICK, I DO HAVE TO 337 00:08:46,627 --> 00:08:49,357 THANK RICK AND EVERYBODY AT 338 00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:50,432 COPY TOWN. 339 00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:51,800 THEY SPONSORED THE WHOLE EVENT. 340 00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:54,099 COPY TOWN COPY SHOP -- FROM BAR 341 00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:56,441 MITZVAHS TO BRISSES, YOU'LL SAY, 342 00:08:56,436 --> 00:09:00,636 "OY VE, NOW, THAT'S QUALITY." 343 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:01,841 UM, BEFORE I GET AHEAD OF 344 00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,142 MYSELF HERE, I JUST WANT TO 345 00:09:03,143 --> 00:09:04,483 CLEAR UP IN CASE -- I'VE GOT 346 00:09:04,477 --> 00:09:05,947 SOME UNFAMILIAR FACES, TO ME AT 347 00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:06,776 LEAST, OUT HERE. 348 00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,320 I'M DAVID'S DAD. MY NAME IS JON. 349 00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:10,616 I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE NO 350 00:09:10,618 --> 00:09:11,918 ONE OUT THERE THINKS THERE WAS A 351 00:09:11,919 --> 00:09:13,649 BANK "SKA-BER" RUNNING AROUND. 352 00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,124 [ CHUCKLES ] 353 00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:17,662 >> [ COUGHS ] 354 00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,158 >> Jon: OH, COME ON. 355 00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:20,189 BANK SKABER. 356 00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,833 BANK ROBBER, BANK SKABER. 357 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:24,829 ROBBER, SKA, SKABER. 358 00:09:24,832 --> 00:09:26,302 EASILY THE MOST CREATIVE AND 359 00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:27,739 LEAST OBVIOUS SKA PUN OF THE 360 00:09:27,735 --> 00:09:28,795 NIGHT GETS NOTHING. 361 00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:29,542 I SEE. OKAY. 362 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,096 I DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO DO THIS IN 363 00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:31,974 THE FIRST PLACE. 364 00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,372 YOU KNOW, I WOULDN'T EVEN BE 365 00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:35,983 THINKING OF SKA PUNS, WASTING MY 366 00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:38,006 TIME WITH IT, IF DAVID HADN'T 367 00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:40,811 DECIDED TO DISGRACE GOD WITH 368 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,184 A SKA-THEMED BAR MITZVAH. 369 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:43,782 IT WAS HIS FIRST DECISION AS A 370 00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:45,454 MAN, AND I DECIDED TO GO WITH 371 00:09:45,452 --> 00:09:45,822 IT. 372 00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,189 AND LET'S JUST HOPE HIS 373 00:09:47,187 --> 00:09:48,857 DECISIONS GET A LITTLE BETTER 374 00:09:48,856 --> 00:09:50,116 FROM HERE. 375 00:09:50,123 --> 00:09:51,363 OH, ALSO, I THOUGHT OF A PRETTY 376 00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,658 GOOD KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE TODAY THAT 377 00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:53,660 I THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE. 378 00:09:53,661 --> 00:09:54,831 YOU GUYS CAN TELL IT AT SCHOOL 379 00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:55,198 LATER. 380 00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,125 HERE IT GOES. 381 00:09:56,129 --> 00:09:57,299 "KNOCK KNOCK." 382 00:09:57,297 --> 00:09:58,467 "WHO'S THERE?" 383 00:09:58,465 --> 00:09:59,995 "THE FEDERAL AGENT." 384 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,970 "THE FEDERAL AGENT WHO?" 385 00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:03,899 "THE FEDERAL AGENT WHO IS 386 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:05,714 OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO PLANT HIS 387 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:07,406 BONE IN MY WIFE'S FRONT YARD." 388 00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:08,107 SO OBVIOUS. 389 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,578 IT'S LIKE EVERY TIME I LOOK, 390 00:10:09,576 --> 00:10:10,876 IT'S LIKE -- OH, REALLY? 391 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:12,348 YOU CAN'T BE, LIKE, A LITTLE 392 00:10:12,345 --> 00:10:13,505 MORE SUBTLE ABOUT IT? 393 00:10:13,513 --> 00:10:13,983 JUST -- 394 00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:14,651 [ FEEDBACK ] 395 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:15,918 HEY, GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE 396 00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:16,316 BACK. 397 00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:17,416 >> Mike: JON, LET'S GO. 398 00:10:17,417 --> 00:10:18,817 >> Jon: GIVE ME THE MICROPHONE. 399 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,149 OR DO YOU WANT TO HAVE A GANG 400 00:10:20,153 --> 00:10:21,553 BANG WITH ALL YOUR SKA BUDDIES 401 00:10:21,554 --> 00:10:22,924 WITH MY WIFE AT THE SKA CLUB? 402 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:24,163 >> Mike: SORRY, EVERYBODY. 403 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:24,857 >> Jon: MOVE. 404 00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:27,128 >> Mike: UH, SKAZEL TOV. 405 00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:28,397 >> GET SOME AIR. 406 00:10:28,395 --> 00:10:30,195 >> Jon: WHAT? GET SOME AIR? 407 00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,527 GET SOME SKA. HOW'S THAT? 408 00:10:31,531 --> 00:10:33,001 >> Susan: PUT SOME MUSIC ON. 409 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:36,200 JUST -- THERE'S MORE DANCING. 410 00:10:36,203 --> 00:10:36,873 UM, THANKS. 411 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:38,510 >> Jon: HEY, DON'T FORGET I PAID 412 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,335 FOR THIS, TOO. 413 00:10:39,339 --> 00:10:40,709 I PAID FOR EVERYTHING THAT 414 00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,208 YOU'RE EATING, AND I PAID FOR 415 00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:43,779 EVERYTHING THAT YOU'RE GONNA GO 416 00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:44,977 TO THE BATHROOM LATER. 417 00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,378 WHEN THAT COMES OUT OF YOUR 418 00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,649 BODY, I PAID FOR THAT. 419 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,177 YOU'LL THANK ME FOR IT WHEN 420 00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,522 YOU'RE WIPING YOUR ASS. 421 00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:52,347 DON'T PUSH ME. YOU PROTECT ME. 422 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,092 DID YOU FORGET THERE'S A RUSSIAN 423 00:10:54,087 --> 00:10:55,717 GUY OUT THERE RIGHT NOW TRYING 424 00:10:55,723 --> 00:10:56,463 TO KILL ME? 425 00:10:56,456 --> 00:10:58,426 >> PLEASE GIVE A BIG ROUND OF 426 00:10:58,425 --> 00:11:01,255 APPLAUSE TO YVGENY MIRMINSKY. 427 00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:05,131 [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] 428 00:11:05,132 --> 00:11:06,902 >> Yvgeny: SO, UH, GAS PRICES 429 00:11:06,900 --> 00:11:08,270 KEEP GOING UP AND UP. 430 00:11:08,268 --> 00:11:09,568 IT'S CRAZY. 431 00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,199 I DON'T REALLY CARE. 432 00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,444 I'M JUST GLAD THAT CARS DON'T 433 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:14,840 RUN ON VODKA. 434 00:11:14,842 --> 00:11:19,352 [ LAUGHTER ] 435 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,746 >> Jon: * I AM HAVING A GOOD 436 00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:22,248 TIME * 437 00:11:22,249 --> 00:11:23,919 * I AM HAVING A GOOD TI-IME 438 00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:25,047 >> David: DAD. 439 00:11:25,052 --> 00:11:26,752 >> Jon: * OOH, DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE, 440 00:11:26,754 --> 00:11:28,064 DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE-DEE * 27125

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