All language subtitles for Blackish s07e07 Babes In Boyland.eng

Dre: Society would have us
believe that the divide

between boys and girls is vast
and insurmountable.

We're taught, "Girls are made
of sugar and spice

and everything nice."

"And boys are made
of snips and snails

and puppy dog tails."

But in this house,
we raise our daughters

to be just as strong
as our sons.

We raise our sons to be just
as sensitive as our daughters.

And I would say we overachieved with Junior.

But still, Bow and I try
to look past gender

and see our kids
for the individuals they are.

Oh!

-Hey.
-Hey, babe.

Look at this.

I got twenty likes
on my new sneakers.

You know that's not a lot,
right?

What? What? What?

No, Diane liked it.
Look at that.

And she doesn't like
anything.

Online or in real life.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

What?"Golden State Thriller"?

Did she change
her username?

I don't know.
She's always chang--

What is that?

[ Gasps ]
What is this?

[ Gasps ]

Scroll.

Is this a fake account?

Oh, m-- Oh!

Oh, my Lord!

Oh, God.

Wait, Dre.

It's worse.
Yeah.

This is
her real account.

She played us.

How is she verified?

--Captions by VITAC--

Image reported.
Okay.

Image reported.

Yes, because
it directly harms me!

You know, we should have never
got the Internet.

Somebody
get me Zuckerberg.

Get me Zuckerberg!

Dre, look,I know she broke the rules,

but we do not get
to overreact.

The last thing we want to dois body shame our daughter.

Appropriate amounts
of body shaming is okay.

It's what got me to return
my male thong!

No, Dre,the beach club management

got you to return
your male thong.

Listen, I know you wantto freak out,

but this is a normal partof teenage development.

I remember --
I remember, Dre,

when I was a teenage girl,

I had twodiaries.

One for my mother to find

and the other
where I wrote down my crushes

and all my new swears.

Of course
you were dirty.

What do you mean,
dirty?

Your parents
were terrible.

How could this happento us?

After football season,we are all going back to church.

Well, we don't need
to punish everybody, Dre.

Look,
we need to stay calm

or she's just gonna hide
more things from us.

So when I get home
from work,

you and I are gonna
sit her down together

and we're gonna talk
about what she did

and figure out how
we're gonna move forward.

That's the plan.

I like it.

Okay.

Can I hold a belt?

No.

Fine.

I'm just going to wear one
just in case.

[ Laughter ]

Hey, Dre.
Yeah.

I tried to send
you my Instagram story

of me going
to a Black barber,

but you didn't
come up.

Did -- Did you
accidentally block me again?

Ah, no, Josh.

Even though I would love
to ignore that story,

I deleted my account
this morning.

Oh.Well, that's probably
for the best, Dre.

All those pictures of you
in fancy cars and diamonds

made me want
to pay you less.

Hm.What happened, Dre?

Oh, did you accept a request
from a Russian model

and now none of your computers
will turn on?

No, I found Diane's
secret account,

where she's posing
like a model

and getting likes from guysold enough to vote

but don't.

Sweet mother of God,
Dre.

What foreign country
are you sending her to?

You don't want any place
west of Belarus.

That was
my first instinct.

But then Bow convinced methat we need to be sensitive

with Diane so thatshe can continue to trust us!

That is such nonsense.

Young girls
don't need trust.

They need to think
that behind every door

is a man waiting
to besmirch them physically.

What?
Exactly right.

Diane needs to know that
all teenage boys are wolves.

And she is
a little lamb.

That's right, Dre.
Men are just angling

at ways
to get at your daughter,

and once they do...

[ Chuckles ]

...she belongs
to the night.

She broke the rules.

She's not
some helpless creature, man.

Diane can handle herself.
We raised her right.

But did everyone else's parents
raise them right?

Hmm.
[ Chuckles ]

I know I didn't.

Look, Dre,
here's the thing.

If my teenage daughter
were to get pregnant,

maybe it would lower
my chance

of winning
"father of the year" award,

but if your teenage daughter
gets pregnant,

well, then you and she
are just a stereotype.

[ Chuckles ]

Isn't the world funny?

Hey, who's thinking
hot sandwiches?

I am starving.

-I do!
-Come on, let's get it.

-Let's do it!
-Oh, yeah!

♪

Hey, Grandma.
Yeah, babe?

Can I talk to you?

It's about
me and Olivia.

Ah, you need
relationship advice,

so you came to the only person
you could trust.

Yeah.
Also, nobody else is home.

Sit down, baby.

So, Olivia and I
have been doing

this "around-the-world"
food tour.

Mm-hmm.And she loves it so much,

but it has been killing
my stomach.

Mm-hmm.I don't know what to do.

I really like her.

How do I tell her
I hate something she loves?

Well,
that's an easy one, baby.

You don't.
What?

Secrets are the foundation
of all good relationships.

Hmm.
Couples need a little mystery.

You think Barack goes to the
bathroom in front of Michelle?

Hell no.

They have boundaries.

But I'm lying to her.
Isn't that wrong?

Is the lie making you
a better boyfriend?

Maybe?

Then it's not wrong.

Listen, I lie to
your grandfather all the time,

and our relationship
has been going strong

for fifty years.

Didn't you blow up
his boat?

And some day, God willing,
she'll blow up your boat.

Oh.
The point is,

is what she don't know
won't hurt her.

You understand?
Yeah.

Get the hell on
where you're going.

Thanks, Grandma.You're welcome.

[ Laughs ]

Mm.

No wonder the baby
has allergies. [ Scoffs ]

The guys at work
tried to scare me,

but I knew Diane had
a good head on her shoulders.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, new sweatshirt?

Oh, it's not mine.

I got cold during Spanish,
so Jason gave this to me.

Jason?

Jason, who fills out
that sweatshirt?

I mean, it's actually
kind of tight on him.

He really bulked up
over the summer.

He took his shirt off
during football practice,

and I heard the coach gasp.

Hey, son, uh,

can you give me and Diane
a minute, please?

Sure, but if you want
to hear more

about how truly large
Jason is,

you know where to find me.

Uh, baby girl.
Mm-hmm?

Uh, you're gonna have
to give that sweatshirt back.

But he said I can keep it
as long as I want to.

Yeah,
that's what all boys say.

Take it off.

Okay, fine.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

Thank you.

Yeah.
Hey!

Did you wear that
to school?

Yeah,
I thought it was cute.

I knew I should wait for Bow
to handle things, but...

[ Wolf howls]

We need to talk
right now.

This boy is trying
to take advantage of you,

and I'm the only one that's
preventing him from doing so.

Sweet Black Jesus,
how ripped is he?

Is he a high school student
or a government experiment?

Hey, babe.

How was your day?

Oh, my day was great.

Let me tell you something.
I had no surgery today,

and I finally mastered
the firefly pose in yoga.

Suck it,
Six-Pack Stacy.

There is a new favorite
in class.

Hey.
Okay. Well, I'm glad somebody had a good day

because I had to come home
and put out a fire with Diane.

Oh, no.
Wait. What happened now?

She let a boy give her
a sweatshirt.

Okay.

Don't worry.

I handled it.
How?

You pose like that online,

your cuteness brings the boys
to the yard!

A boy will think
that you owe him

for every little thing
that he gives you.

A breath mint could be
the only thing

between you
and maternity pants!

Jason -- He gave you
his sweatshirt, uh-huh,

but I guarantee you this!

He will be nowhere to be found

when you're eight months
pregnant with hemorrhoids

and ankles
the size of softballs!

Oh, you thought I was done?!

I'm not done!

What are you,
a youth pastor in Alabama?

Dre, there is a reason

that we talk about these things
together.

It was an emergency.

And you should be
thanking me.

Dre, you just blew up
all of the open lines

of communication

that we worked so hard to build
with Diane.

We need to talk
to her.

Teenagers think
they're grown today,

and they're not.

Alright, my mother came down
hard on me, and it worked.

You're terrified
of your mother.

All Black men are terrified
of their mothers, Bow.

That's how love works.

While I was keeping the heat
on Diane,

Olivia was keeping a different
kind of heat on Junior.

And we've reached
our next culinary destination:

Malaysia!
[ Chuckles ]

I -- I love curry,
and I love fish heads.

Put them together,
look out!

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, the recipe called
for seven different chilies.

I had to go to three
different grocery stores

just to get
all the ingredients.

You didn't have
to do that.

Anything for you, babe.

[ Chuckles softly ]
Dig in.

♪

Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah. No, no, no,
just savoring the aromas.

Mmm!

Delicious.

[ Both chuckle ]

♪

Mmm.

[ Chuckles ]

[ Slurps ]

Mmm! [ Chuckles ]

Ooh!
You just feel the -- the spices.

Just goes right down
your throat.

I know.

Just like fire.

So I sent my building manager
an e-mail

asking if we can change
these blinds to curtains,

and guess what.

He said he wants all the windows
to be uniform,

and I'm like,
"We face an alley.

Nobody's gonna see
the blinds.

Nobody's gonna see
the --"

My mouth is on fire!

What?

Oh, my God.

Are you okay?

Junior, are you okay?

Seriously?

No!

I'm not okay.

It hurts so bad.

So, so bad.

All of this spicy food
is killing me.

My stomach feels like a --
like a --

like a wet paper bag
just full of hot coals.

Well, then why have you been
letting me cook you

all this spicy food?

Because you like spicy food
so much.

And...I like you so much.

You know we don't have to agree
on everything to date, right?

Of course
I don't know that.

Everything that I know
about dating

I've learned
from watching my parents

and "Think Like a Man"
movies.

Okay.

If we're going to work,

you need to just be honest
with me.

I'm still going to like you
for who you are, okay?

Okay.

Unless you're
into Frisbee golf.

I mean, it's just a waste
of park resources.

♪

[ Knock on door ]

Honey?

Hi. We brought
your sweatshirt back. Hi.

So, we want you to know

that you are in control
of your own body

and you can do
whatever you want with it.

But the pictures
that you're posting,

they give people a window

into something
that you should keep private.

Dre: Boys thumb
through Instagram

like it's
a Cheesecake Machine menu,

and you are dressed
like a Jalapeño Popper.

And you can dress like a
Jalapeño Popper if you want to.

Because it is your right
as a woman.

Okay, so I have the right to do
what I did,

but I shouldn't have
done it?

Okay, I got it.

Listen. [ Clears throat ]

You are building your identity
as a woman.

And you should have the freedom
to explore that

without being tied
to the judgments of society.

[ Sighs ]And society
will judge you.

But I want you
to remember that

while you are ignoring
the judgment.

Does that make sense?

I guess.
No.

Okay,
so we've handled that.

What?
Yeah. Yes.

Alright.

There we go.

Okay, okay, okay.

I'll leave it alone,
but you know what?

When your mama go to work,

I'm taking the door
off the hinges.

♪

[ Sighs ]Oh, good, you're here.

What year
did America open?

1776.

Right, I knew it was definitely
before I was born.

I just couldn't remember
how far.

You seem
angrier than usual.

Mom and Dad cornered me
about that sweatshirt.

You'd think after Dad yelled
at me for like an hour,

we'd be done, but no.

Here comes Mom, to yell at me
in her "quiet" way.

She can say "sweetie"
as many times as she wants.

We're still
being yelled at.

[ Scoffs ]
Are you just as tired as I am

of Mom and Dad
cracking down on us?

Yes, Dad forced me to add him
to my close friends list

on all of my accounts
because he says he wants

to keep an eye
on things.

But all he ever does
is put fire emojis

underneath
everything I post.

It's weird for your dad
to say

that your shirtless
basketball picture is fire.

So you were half naked
and Dad said nothing?

And Mom liked it?

This is ridiculous.

I can't post a photo of me
wearing lipstick,

but you can flaunt
your bird chest

all over the Internet?

Unh-unh. Nope.
Let's go.

We've all got
to have a talk.

Come on.
What?

Like an eagle
or like a sparrow?

What kind of bird
are we talking?

Mm-hmm. Hey.
Good, you're here.

Hey, Diane,
set the table.

Do you think it's fair
you're treating me differently

because I'm a girl?

Okay. Fine.

Uh, Jack, set the table.

Diane, we do not
treat you differently.

You don't?
No.

You've seen Jack online.

He's shirtless
and sweaty.

And how many lectures
did he get?

Because
I've gotten two so far.

That was a picture
of Jack playing sports.

Nobody is paying attention
to that.

Really?Yeah.

Because I bet Ashley Thompson
saw it and liked it, too,

which is probably
why they've been making out

in the school stairwell.

Whoa!

This is not how I wanted it
to come out,

but it is true.

Ooh!
My boy!

But you don't know that

because you're not
in his business.

We don't have to worry
about Jack as much

because he can't
get pregnant.

But he can get someone
pregnant!

You've always said
you treat us the same,

but you don't.

Hey, just to be clear,
I'm really supporting

this whole
"boys will be boys" thing

that we've got going on,
you know?

No. Not now.

Obviously we are going
to talk about Diane,

but first we need to make sure
that Jack doesn't get in

over his head with that little
Fast Ashley.

Definitely.
Mm-hmm.

Any girl who's willing
to make out with Jack

in the stairwell
doesn't respect herself

or the stairwell.

Oh, my God!

Dre,
we just did it again.

We're coming down harder
on Ashley than Jack.

You know what?
Maybe Ashley's father

is having the same talk
with her.

But he's probably
not around

because his daughter was
kissing a guy in a stairwell.

Dre.

Look.

I know
I sound like a caveman.

Yeah.
But it is my job to protect Diane.

And I'm not going
to apologize

for treating our son
and daughter differently.

Even if we treat them
the same,

the world is gonna treat them
differently.

I remember
when I was in high school,

if you were a girl
and you had sex,

you were
automatically outcast.

If you were a guy,
you were king.

Yeah, but back then
if you wanted to brag,

you had to tell your friends
one by one

or meet behind
T-Will's house

while his grandmother
was grocery shopping.

Eww.But now all you have to do
is post

and the entire school sees it
in minutes.

I know.

I believe that women
should be able

to freely express
their sexuality,

but I know
that it gets exploited.

None of thiswould be
a problem

if there weren't men
in the world.

Hey!
Yep.

Okay,
I mean, you're right,

but I just had
to say something.

It's an unfair world.

Diane is fifteen years old.

I don't want to dump all of this
on her shoulders.

But we need to prepare her
for the world as it is,

not the way
we want it to be.

I know it's hard
being the mother of a daughter

in a patriarchal world.

Yes,
I know some stuff.

Well,
it could be worse.

I could be Ashley's mom.

Damn it.

I just did it again.

♪

Ah,
the Prince of Lies.

[ Laughs ]
How'd it go, babe?

I told Olivia the truth
about how her spicy food

rushes through me
like a hot mountain spring.

Oh, sweetie,

I'm so sorry
to hear about you and Olivia.

No, Grandma, when someone
really cares about you,

you can tell them who you are
and they'll still be there.

Oh, so I'm just supposed
to tell the love of my life

that "our" song --
the one we got married to --

is the same one I had
with my last boyfriend

and the boyfriend
before that

and the boyfriend before that

and the boyfriend
before that?

"Let's Stay Together" was
your song with all those guys?

You find a good one,
you stick with it.

I don't want to take the chance
of hurting your grandfather.

Trust me, Grandma.

You're going to feel
a lot better

if you tell him the truth.

Okay, baby.

So now that
you're smelling yourself,

you think you can come out here
and talk to me

like you're the second coming
of Black Jesus?

I put diapers on you,
boy.

Go on,
get out of here.

Alright.

♪

Long, lanky ass.

No matter how many years
we've been doing it,

we keep finding there's more
and more to being parents.

Uh, you ordered pizza?

Well,
you failed as parents,

so we thought
we'd treat ourselves.

Mm-hmm.Dre: Huh, that's fair.

Ah, as you know, this wasn't
our finest day as parents.

And that's saying a lot

because you once
left us on a ski lift.

Okay, and I know you guys
are twins

and are used
to being treated the same.

Mm-hmm.
But there are gonna be times

where we're gonna talk to you
differently

because
you're getting older

and going through
different things.

Yes, and, Diane,
it is so much harder on women,

especially
on the Internet.

Yeah, way hard.
Mm-hmm.

So I advise you not to read
any comments

on any of those apps
or websites ever.

And we promise
that you will both get

the same support

and the same honest information
from us.

Yeah.
Okay?

Thanks.
Okay.

And when it can be
the same,

it will be the same.

Mm-hmm.
Alright?

For instance,
you're both grounded!

[ Both laugh ]

What?I don't understand.
What do you mean?

Did you think
that we forgot

that you lied to us
about a fake account?

No, you, young lady, cannot
leave this house for two weeks!

For w-- No!
What?

And you, my son,
what are you doing

tramping around
the school campus

like some trollop?
Yeah.

What are you trying to do,
get a reputation?

[ Scoffs ] Youget two weeks as well!

[ Both laugh ]

What?!

Bam!

Sometimes you get it wrong,

but, man,
parenting feels so good

when you get it right.

[ Al Green's
"Let's Stay Together" plays ]

♪ Let's stay together

Junior,
what are you up to?

What?

It's just
your favorite song.

Yeah.

Sung by your favorite man.

♪ I'm so in love with you

[ Laughs ]

♪ Whatever you want to do

Sing, baby.

♪ Is all right with me

Yeah.

♪ 'Cause you make me feel
so brand new ♪

Alright, alright, Earl.

Come on, now.
You don't have to do that.

Alright, baby, look,
I know I'm no Al Green,

but I'm a little Al Jarreau.
You know?

Sit down, honey.
Hmm?

I need to get something
off my chest.

Is everything alright?

[ Sighs ]

Okay.

Earl.

Our song hasn't
only been "our" song.

It's been my song
with a lot of others.

Now, I've kept that secret
for years,

but Junior felt I should be
honest with you.

Well, at least that explains
why he said,

"Hey, Pops,
come put the moves on Grandma."

I'm sorry.

I thought
it was harmless.

Baby,
I don't care about that.

I can't blame you
for loving a classic.

And [Chuckles] I suppose
I also can't blame you

for wanting a little consistency
in your romantic life.

Now, I know
I haven't always been

the best provider of that
for you.

You're the most consistent thing
in my life, Earl.

For better or worse.

Mm.

Well, let's keep aiming
for better.

[ Laughs ]

I love you.

And while we're getting thingsoff our chests, um...

No, no.

Just hold on.Let me say this, now.

You know, for the firstfive years we were together...

Yes?

...I thought your name
was Ruthie.

I did.

You know,if you say it like R--Oh, my God.

Say it fast. Say it fast.You -- You --
You know what?

Ruby, Ruth.You might want
to shut up

like right now.Ruby, Ruthie.

Just let it go.

Let it go 'cause I heard you
scream that one night.

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