Original subtitles

♪♪

Oh-ho-ho, yeah!

[laughing]

Cheese!

Oh.

Instagram doesn't work here.

Nora! Nora!

You are Nora Lin?

Yes, I am. Thank you, wow.

I'm so glad you found me.

Of course I found you.

I am Grace.

I'll be your personal assistant and translator

during your contract at Qiancent.

Oh, great. How long you been at the company?

Oh, I am not a permanent employee of Qiancent yet.

We have those in America, they're called temps.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

Let me help you with your bags.

Oh, you don't... I can get that one.

I got no problem. You don't need... you don't need that one.

Just... just follow me to your private car.

Okay.

Welcome to China!

Thanks. Can I... okay.

[woman singing in foreign language]

♪♪

[Grace] This is your new home.

What?!

Oh... so big!

Oh, it's like "The Jeffersons."

Here we are.

Oh, my.

Oh...

This is amazing!

I had the honor of decorating it myself.

Do you like it? Yeah, yeah.

What is that?

That is a painting of Geena Davis

as the goddess Diana, Queen of Archery.

Geena Davis so talented and awesome, just like you.

That's why I painted her for you.

Oh, you paint... okay, great. Mm.

You're very talented at drawing.

I use only oil.

Oh, great. [clears throat]

Oh, oh...

Oh. Here's your key.

Thank you. Um, I am available

any time of the day or night.

Okay.

Any time of night.

Uh, noted. [chuckles]

All right.

I'm here, you know, 4:00 in the morning, I here.

And 5:00 in the morning.5:00 in the morning, I here.

6:00. Just make sure you definitely leave.

[both laughing]

Bye-bye.

♪♪

And check out this water dispenser boiler!

I swear to God, when you press this button,

it just starts bubbling up.

It's, like, crazy technology.

Wow, that's great, Nora.

We miss you.

I miss you guys, too.

Zai jian.

[both] Zai jian!

[speaking foreign language]

So, I'm... I'm gonna go out with Brenda tonight, okay?

I'm... you'll be okay by yourself, huh?

Oh, I'll be okay.

You sure? Mm-hmm.

I'm good.

Go.

Aww.

[music playing, Grandma humming]

Oh, man.

I always wanted to do this.

Ow, my fuckin' shit!

Oh, fuck!

It's like cement!

[gasps] TV room.

Oh, hell yeah.

[sighs]

[whispering] Let's see what's on.

[gunfire on TV]

"True Lies"!

Stay awake for this.

[sniffing] Ahh!

Ah! Grace!

What the hell?

I'm so sorry to scare you.

You weren't picking up your calls,

so I come to check on you.

Did you change my clothes?

Yes, I did. You fell asleep wearing jeans.

Okay, Grace, if this is gonna work out

between you and I, you can't be coming

into my house and changing me while I'm asleep.

It's too much.

I'm sorry I fail you.

You didn't... you didn't fail.

[sobbing, speaking foreign language]

No, no, no. [continues speaking in foreign language]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[sobbing] Here, have some dried squid.

You like dried squid?

Yeah. Dried squid?

Mm-hmm. Thank you.

You're welcome, Grace.

Don't... don't...

I love you, Nora. [sobbing]

Do you want to eat this with me?

Yes, I'll eat some with you.

Okay, I can feed you too.

Okay, shh, that's not necessary.

♪♪

[Grandma] Oh, bao bao.

Even though you're gone,

it still smells like weed in here.

Ugh.

[sighs, breathing deeply]

[screaming]

Oh... you're hurt.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh...

You'll be okay. I'll take care of you.

I'm Grandma.

I'm gonna name you...

Boris.

The whole team is very anxious for your arrival.

I can't wait to show you your new office.

So, question, what does this job entail mostly?

Is it user testing, marketing, coding?

'Cause I can learn Java.

You want me to learn Java?

I could fire up a tune. [laughs]

You don't need to do anything.

You're just an American face.

What do you mean?

There will be media appearances,

and of course, the product launch

with the government official.

But your role here is to be the American face of Scrubr.

And you're doing a great job.

Okay.

This is your new office.

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ohh!

Wait, let me get this straight.

I get this entire corner office

and I don't have to work?

That is correct.Damn.

What is it?

It's awesome is what it is, crazy girl!

Come on in! All right.

You know, in America this would be, like,

mm, inappropriate for the workplace.

[chuckling] Lucky we in China.

Hey, hey. Huh?

[speaking foreign language]

[shushing]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. I can hear you guys, you know.

[speaking foreign language]

I ting dong a little bit.

I can ting dong.

So... [speaking foreign language] work.

Why, you need to eat. Keep strong.

This soup will help you heal.

Hey, Ma?

Have you seen my phone? I can...

What the fuck is that?

It's a pigeon.

Why is there a pigeon in the house?

Oh, Wally, calm down.

He came in hurt through the window.

I'm nursing him back to health.

Ma, that's a fucking flying rat.

God, what's wrong with you?

Vermin or not, he needs help.

Whatever, Ma.

I'm gonna go spend the night at Brenda's.

Oh, don't listen to him, Boris.

You are beautiful, no matter what they say.

Words can't get you down.

♪♪

[phone ringing]

Edmund, where the hell are you?

Ugh, my work visa is still processing.

Apparently, some other Edmund Lin

joined ISIS in 2014.

If he's not already dead, I'm gonna kill him.

How is it over there?

This job is weird, man.

It's like, they don't expect me to work,

but I'm being paid as if I am.

Oh, my God, isn't it amazing

to get paid to do nothing?

I've been waiting to get acquired

by a Chinese company so I can get wined,

dined, and swanked up the cheese hole.

[sighs] I guess. I just,

I never went this long without smoking weed.

No, Nora, do not try and find drugs there.

They're super illegal in Asia.

Maybe I'm just homesick, you know?

Grandma's been sending me all these WeChats

with her and this goddamn pigeon, just...

Girl, suck it up, okay?

You're in China making that Asian money.

So, go out there and get yourself

a nice authentic Chinese meal.

Yeah, you're right. I should go out there

and get some... some really good

Chinese food, you know? Treat myself.

♪♪

Well, see, here's some garlic here.

Yeah, we could do this.

Yeah, but we need some ginger first.

[music playing]

[speaking in foreign language]

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Do you need help?

Yes, I would love some water.

[speaking in foreign language]

Have you been living here for a while or something?

About two years.

I'm training the Chinese snowboarding team

for the Olympics.

Oh, like "Cool Runnings"!

Yeah, just... just like that,

except that was, uh, that was bobsledding,

and it was ironic because they were Jamaican.

Oh, yeah, 'cause it's a warm environment, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Oh!

Let me guess, you're an acqui-hire

with too much time on your hands

and nothing to do.

Yes, that's exactly... how'd you know?

Oh, mate, there's heaps, heaps of them here.

Uh... Rob, he's a Brit.Mm.

Came to China 'cause he's super into Wong Kar-wai movies.

Sven and Sophie over there from Norway.

They do recruiting for Ali Baba.

And Kevin. He's American like you.

USA? 'Sup?

[speaking in foreign language]

All right.

[whispering] Why are there no Asian people

in your friend group?

Oh, it's an expat bar.

Oh, okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you drink? I... I really shouldn't.

[speaking foreign language]

This is gonna be great! Great, eww!

All right, yeah!

What? You guys have weed here?

It's a hash spliff.

Hash spliff?

Yeah, but if you want something else...

You guys got cocaine here, too?

Yeah, when you've been here long enough, you find a way.

Oh, man!

MDMA? MDMA tablets?

Oh! China's fucking tight, bitch!

[people cheering]

♪ Let's go party, party all night, whoa ohh ♪

♪ Many, many good times, whoa ohh ♪

♪ Whoa oh ohh ♪

[Grandma cooing]

[screaming]

Grace! We talked about this,

coming in here breaking and entering.

Well, you did not come home last night.

I was worried sick.

I'm fine, all right? I just...

I stayed out a little bit,

and, um, I met some new friends.

What's wrong with your eyes?

There's nothing wrong with my eyes.

The black part's so big.

That's normal, it's normal.

Today is the product launch with the government official,

your most important event during your time with us.

We have to get you ready.

I will comb your hair.

You... you think that that's necessary

at this exact moment?

Yes.

[sighs]

[humming "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star"]

[sniffing]

No smelling, Grace!

[man speaking foreign language]

[laughter]

Nora? Ahh.

Please. Oh!

[chuckles]

[clears throat] Look.

I'm gonna be honest, who... who here is hungover?

No? How 'bout Molly?

Anyone do Molly? Him?

I mean, pfft, right?

In conclusion, technology is all around us, okay?

And I... I'm so happy to...

...have you involved.

[Grace speaking foreign language]

[phone chiming]

Oi, what's up with you?

I screwed up this huge meeting at work today,

and the worst part is no one even cared.

Oh, it's not your fault, you were on Molly.

I wasn't on Molly, I... I was that weird comedown phase

where you're like a little bit horny, but mostly depressed.

Watch out!

[speaking foreign language]

I don't know what that means, but I don't like your tone.

Here's $2, probably.

Kevin's such a knob. Americans, right?

I'm American.

Mm, right.

[glass breaking] [Kevin] Dudes!

We're in China, bitch! [man] Yeah!

♪♪

Damn it.

Asshole bird.

[door opens]

Hey, Ma. Whatcha doing?

Oh, I'm knitting an aviator hat for Boris.

Like, for the pilots. Isn't it cute?

Hi, Brenda.

Hi, Mrs. Lin, it's nice to see you again.

And Boris.

Ma, you can't keep the bird here anymore.

He's all cooped up.

I'm helping him.

Ma, he doesn't need your help, look.

He's... he's totally healed.

Oh, Boris. He is healed.

Yeah, see?

But he's not hurting anyone.

We can have dinner here, the four of us.

The four...?

I don't wanna eat with the bird. Yeah.

I don't mind him joining us.

I don't mind either.

Ooh!

I'll set the table.

[cooing]

[cooing poorly] [Grandma chuckles]

[balls clinking]

[phone chiming]

Good morning, Nora.

Hey. What's wrong?

Everything is fine.

Oh, come on. You can tell me.

I've been passed up on promotion again.

Three years, still a temp.

I'll never become a zhengshi yuangong.

Is there anything I can do to help?

Can I send an email or something?

Do you wanna come out with me and my friends tonight?

[whimpering] Your foreign friends?

Yeah. Nora...

it would be a dream come true!

Um... they party a little hard, though.

Is that okay? I'm ready.

[crowd chanting] Grace! Grace! Grace! Grace...

Yeah! [crowd cheering]

Where'd you get this legend?

[coughing] I've never had a drug before!

[all cheering]

Hey, Grace.

You wanna like maybe cool it down a little bit?

'Cause like you're on the bar right now.

I love you, Nora,

more than mother and father.

I love drug, too! [chuckling]

Let's have a threesome.

Grace! Grace! No!

We talked about this.

I have to go. I have to go.

[Grace] Whoo!

[crowd cheering]Whoo!

[crowd shouting outside]

[crowd chanting] Grace! Grace! Grace! Grace...

[distant siren wailing]

[both speaking foreign language]

What-what's happening? What's hap...?

[sobbing] They all left,

and the police said the drugs are mine.

No, they're not hers.

No, they're not hers. They're mine.

They're my drugs. They're my dr...

[speaking foreign language] It's okay. Grace, it's okay.

You're foreigner, yes? Yes.

If you're caught with drugs in China,

you will be facing major consequences.

[speaking foreign language] Grace, Grace, it's okay.

I have to do this. I have to do this, okay?

It's all right.

Take me in. Take me downtown to Chinatown.

Well, you know what I mean.

♪♪

Oh, Jesus.

Couldn't get away fast enough, huh?

Your cracked out little friend got us raided.

It's her fault I'm here now.

Oh, yeah, it's her fault you're here now.

Like you didn't do anything.

Like you didn't come to a foreign country

and totally disrespect their rules and culture.

And then you end up in jail and you're like,

it's not my fault, of course not, stupid.

Like it or not, you're just like me.

[door opens]

Lin, Nora.

Yes!

Am I going to jail?

He's going to jail!

What?

Because his company didn't pay his fines.

No, no, no, but they always pay.

Lucky for you, your company paid.

So I'm free. So... I'm free.

I can get my cell phone back?

You're not going to jail.

But your punishment is getting deported

back to America! [scoffs]

Back to America? Okay.

Great, no, that's good.

Do you know what airline it is?

Maybe I could call ahead and cash in some points.

'Cause it's a lot of miles.

[door closes]Right?

Nora! Nora! Nora Lin!

I'm so glad I caught you. Grace?

[speaking in foreign language]

Shh, you don't argue with the police.

[speaking foreign language]

I can't believe Qiancent forced their morality clause on you.

You gave up everything for me.

You would have done it for me.

I finally got promoted to zhengshi yuangong.

Oh, really?

Wait... did you do that for me?

Nora, you're the best person I ever met.

I love you. I love you too, Grace.

[speaking foreign language]

All right, I heard you the first time.

Bye, Grace.

Get a load of these cops though, huh?

This one's kinda hot.

I would try to smash. [chuckles]

[Grandma] Boris?

Boris, where are you?

Oh, there you are, Boris.

Oh...

[Boris cooing] I understand.

You take good care of yourself.

And thanks for being my friend.

Bye.

[Nora] Grandma, I'm home!

Nora?

Oh! You're back!

What happened?

It's a long story, but...

Man, I'm happy to see you, Grandma.

I'm so happy to be home.

Bitch, I cannot believe

you got deported right as I get here,

and I have to clean up your shit.

Oh, hi, Grandma.

Hi, Edmund. Goodbye, Edmund.

Okay.

So, where's your pigeon friend?

He left. He wanted to go home too.

Hey, hey, I'm sorry about my lifestyler bike.

I thought you moved out so I've been using your room

as a gym.

I forgive that, but I am gonna move out.

[chuckles] Where you gonna go this time, huh?

Oh, I know. Boris left his shoebox.

You could sleep in, how 'bout that?

[laughs] No.

I saved enough money from my Qiancent paycheck

for at least the first month's deposit

and a couple months' rent.

So... I'm gonna look around.

Oh, shit.

Grandma, I think she's really gonna do it this time.

Remember, when a bird leaves its nest,

it always knows where its home is.

Oh, you listen to your grandma.

She knows her shit.

Yeah. I mean, I love being here,

and... and I missed Queens.

You hear that, Queens?

I love you! Yeah!

Is that birdshit? Yeah, don't touch that, that's Boris'.

[Grandma] It's good luck.

And also, what is this?

That's my bouncy-bounce.

Ellen and I use it for exercise.

We gotta practice two-sies.

What is two-sies?

Two for one with our next male prostitute.

Grandma!

♪♪

[man] Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?