Original subtitles

♪ Hakuna Matata ♪

♪ What a wonderful phrase ♪

♪ Hakuna Matata ♪

♪ Ain't no passing craze ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ For the rest of your days ♪

♪ It's our problem-free ♪

♪ Philosophy ♪

♪ Hakuna Matata ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Hakuna Matata! ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa! ♪

♪ Hakuna Matata! ♪

♪ It means no worries ♪

♪ For the rest of your days ♪

♪ It's our problem-free ♪

♪ Philosophy ♪

♪ Hakuna Matata ♪

♪ Timon and Pumbaa ♪

Ooh, after dinner ants!

Are we expecting company, Timon?

Unfortunately, we are, Pumbaa.

My mother sent me this telegram saying she'll be here today.

Does she still disapprove of your Hakuna Matata lifestyle?

Disapprove?

She's gonna make my life miserable

until I become a responsible contributing member of the meerkat society.

So what are you gonna do?

I'm gonna make it look like

I'm a responsible contributing member of the meerkat society

and hope she'll leave me alone.

And how are you gonna do that?

I purchased a briefcase to make it look like I've got a great, new job.

And I built this new house.

And now all I need is a wife.

No!

No, no, no! No, no, no, no!

But I've spent a fortune on beautiful new dresses,

all size Pumbaa.

Isn't there another way?

Well, what are we gonna do?

Put her in a rocket and send her to the moon?

Besides, Pumbaa, you said you'd do anything for me.

Don't you remember?

I'll do anything for you, Timon.

Even dress up like a woman.

Crud.

Okay, mom will be here any minute.

So remember, no matter what happens,

no matter what I say, you are now my wife, Patty

and not Pumbaa, okay? Not Pumbaa!

Yes, dear.

Good day. I'm here to issue a sizable amount of inheritance money to Pumbaa.

No Pumbaa here.

Pumbaa! What are you doing?

You're not really Patty.

You're Pumbaa and we could have been rich!

But you told me that no matter what I was Patty and not Pumbaa.

Unless someone wants to give you money.

Then you're always Pumbaa.

But what if your mother wants to give me money?

Then you're still Patty.

Ooh, my brain hurts.

If it's my mother, you're Patty.

Timon!

My little bubbeleh.

Ma, ma, come in! Really, come in.

It's great to have you here. You look wonderful.

I barely recognize you.

- This is my wife. - I'm Patty.

I've got a great, new job.

And I built this new house.

See? I'm a responsible

contributing member of the meerkat society

and you never, ever have to worry about me never, ever again. Thanks for visiting.

Love ya', bye-bye.

Timon, darling, you don't mind if I stay a little longer.

Sweetheart, I barely met your wife and I just have to see your wedding pictures.

Wedding pictures?

They were, lost in the...

- Fire! - Flood!

- Flood! - Fire!

- I ate 'em. - Patty ate 'em.

Too bad.

You know, when Laverne's son, Ira, got married,

a professional photographer made such a lovely wedding album.

And Ira's bride looked so slim.

Well, Patty's slim.

Aren't you, Patty?

Yes and Ira's wife can also sing opera,

juggle and ride a unicycle. Ha!

♪ Camptown ladies, sing this song Doo-da, doo-da, ♪

Yeah, terrific.

And boy! Can Ira's wife cook! Ha!

Ooh, my casserole.

Why, that looks absolutely yummy, pumpkin.

Oye, Timon.

You can't expect to be a responsible,

contributing member of meerkat society with a wife like that.

She's a disaster!

There's only one solution.

I'm moving in!

But ma, won't you get lonely for your friends and want to leave

so you can be with them?

Listen, honey,

unless some rich, old movie star wants to marry me and take me away,

I'm not going anywhere.

I do my best, but nothing is good enough for your mother.

And you! You leave everything lying about the house

just expecting me to pick up after you.

Well, I'm sick of it!

And I deserve a little more appreciation!

Stop it, Pumbaa. You're creeping me out.

And unless you want ma to live with us forever,

you're gonna have to dress up like a rich, old movie star,

a little Cesar Romero, get me?

Isn't there another way?

What are we gonna do?

Put her in a rocket and send her to the moon?

Besides, Pumbaa, you said you'd do anything for me.

Don't you remember?

I'd do anything for you, Timon.

Even dress up like a rich, old movie star.

I wonder who that could be.

Pardon me, the name's Patrick.

It seems my limousine has broken down in front of your house.

May I rest a spell while my chauffeur makes repairs?

Mama! Mine eyes have never seen such beauty all at once.

How lovely.

I know I'm just an old, extremely rich movie star,

but will you marry me?

I will! I will!

I mean, I would,

if I weren't so worried about my baby, Timon.

Go on.

Patty and I will be fine, ma. Get outta here.

Well, if only I could meet Patty's entire family.

It would put my mind at ease

and I would never bother you again.

I'm sure Patty's family would absolutely love to meet you, ma.

I'll go in the kitchen and get Patty right now.

I think my chauffeur is calling.

Pumbaa, hey, listen up.

Ma wants to meet Patty's entire family.

There is no way, no how,

I'm going to dress up as an entire family!

What are we gonna do,

put her in a rocket and send her to the moon?

Besides, Pumbaa, you said you'd do anything for me.

Don't you remember?

I'd do anything for you, Timon. Even dress up as an entire family.

- Crud again. - And now, then,

all you have to do is memorize the name, costume number

and brief biological description of each family member,

keeping in mind that a pink costume tag means birth relative

and a turquoise tag means related by marriage.

Ready? Okay. Good. Go.

You're gonna love Patty's family, ma.

They're a real tight knit group.

I think I hear Patty's mother, Paula, right now.

I'm Paula, Patty's mother.

Thanks, Paula.

Now I want you to meet Patty's father, Paul.

I'll get him.

Name's Paul. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.

Thank you.

You know, you should meet my fiancé.

Patrick!

I'll get him.

You called, darling?

Patrick, here you are.

You've just got to meet Patty's parents.

They're absolutely charming.

Charming. Really. Definitely. Patrick, you really must meet the family.

And when do I get to meet Patty's grandparents?

And where is Patty, anyway?

- Here I am. - You're not Patty!

Right.

Grandma gets a little confused at times. You know, cuckoo.

Get back in the kitchen, grandma.

Now, where's Patrick? I've gotta talk to my Patrick.

What can I do for you, dearest?

I beg your pardon. Blech!

Oops. Gotta go.

And when do I get to meet the nieces and nephews,

cousins and second cousins?

And the baby! I've gotta see the baby!

Waah...

You don't look like a baby to me.

'Cause I'm not a baby.

And I'm not Patty or Patrick, Paula, or Paul,

cousin Peter or Aunt Pam!

They call me...

Mr. Pig!

Why, Timon, that looks just like your old friend, Pumbaa.

Timon!

Timon, have you been lying to me?

Now, tell me the truth, or you'll break your poor mother's heart!

I'm sorry, ma. I lied. I lied.

I'm still a Hakuna Matata bum.

I don't have a job and I'm not really married.

I don't even have clean underwear.

- It's okay. - It is?

'Cause I'm not really your mother.

Fred? My practical-joking friend, Fred?

- April fools! - April fools?

April fools?

And, boy, are you two a couple of fools.

You're great. You're amazing.

You oughta do Vegas, the Catskills, Cleveland.

North, south, east and west,

northwest and southeast and southwestern northern

and, of course, west of northeast...

Yes, it's time for another exciting adventure of...

"The Kingdom of the Creatures"

With your host, nature's pal, Martin Partin.

Hi. Hola. Bienvenue.

Willkommen. Guten tag.

Hello and welcome.

Today I'm standing on the Serengeti,

a broad, natural canvas of untamed topography.

Fabulous flora and exotic wildlife.

Take, for instance, my very special nature pal,

dasypus novems... noves...

Never could speak Latin... novemcinctus.

Thank you. Or, as you at home may call him,

the Armadillo.

Watch in wonderment at the way he naturally burrows for his food.

Pretty impressive, isn't he?

Okay, that's a take. Set up the next shot and make it snappy!

It's as hot as the Serengeti out here.

But um, Mr. Partin, sir,

I... are you sure armadillos are supposed to, you know,

dig roast turkeys out of the ground with shovels and stuff?

Ron?

Yeah?

Are you an armadillo?

Um, no, I don't... no.

Then who asked ya? And how should I know? And who cares!

He's the armadillo! He's the star of the show.

That's why he gets the big, juicy steaks for lunch. See?

Now mind your own business.

Do you see what I see?

Looks to me like a TV show.

Looks to me like a TV dinner.

Point well taken.

You mean, well done.

Yeah. How come we don't get free steaks like that armadillo?

Because we aren't stars. You heard the man.

The stars get the steaks.

If you want to get the tenderloin, you gotta have the talent.

Yeah? And who says we don't got the talent?

Are you sayin', you do?

Well, I don't know if you do or he do, but I sure do.

If you're insinuatin',

I lack the necessary qualities to be a star on "Kingdom of the Creatures,"

you are sorely mistaken.

I'll show you what it means to be a star and you can stake your dinner on it.

Um, "Kingdom of the Creatures,"

take, two. Action!

Now, let's watch as the armadillo, nature's little tank,

protects itself from predators by rolling into a ball of plated armor.

Ooh.

Pretty impressive, isn't he?

What in the world?

Cut!

What do you think you're doing?

Well, I call it the filet ballet.

Now, how 'bout passing some of those prime ribs over to your new primary star?

Well, excuse me, Miss.

We've got a show to do here, so if you wouldn't mind...

taking a little spin!

Ooh, Mr. Partin, sir...

I kinda thought she was sorta good, you know?

Okay, wise girl,

now that you've given it a whirl,

how would you like to see a real star in action?

Honey, all I'm seeing is stars.

Good, then here it goes.

Meet the star that's gonna get us the meat.

"Kingdom of the Creatures,"

take three, action!

During the rainy season,

the armadillo is only active during the warmest parts of the day.

And during the hot summer months,

this little fella is only active at night.

Ooh, pretty impressive, isn't he?

♪ Yeah, that's right, I'm active ♪

♪ I'm active at night ♪

♪ And when that sun goes down ♪

♪ What am I that's right, I'm outta sight ♪

Cut!

Thank you. I'm here through Saturday.

Ooh, bravo.

Bravo. Yes, very good.

Yeah?

Hey, you liked it?

Like... well, um, yeah. That's certainly one way of putting it.

Great! Then listen,

about them steaks I've been seeing you feedin' bocce ball over there.

Yes. I do like a fella who's willing to sing for his supper.

That's me. So, when do we eat?

When do we eat. Yes.

Well, let's see. How 'bout, um, now?

Boy. That kind of rejection is awful hard to swallow.

Hey, once you eat desert, you don't need dessert.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, laugh all you want, Sheki.

But you ain't got no steak in your stomach.

"Kingdom of the Creatures,"

take four, action!

But for all of his quirks, the armadillo is,

I believe, a creature who never takes himself too seriously.

Ooh, pretty impressive, isn't he?

Um... yeah.

Forget it. Stop it, you're slaying me.

I don't even think I have a pulse. No, that was a great joke.

You are really, really very funny.

Okay, okay. Now, I've got one for you.

Why did the hyena cross the desert?

Because I can never cross it!

Aww, save your tears, Ed.

You're not the only one at the end of your rope.

Yeah, we're starving actors too, remember?

Hey, wait a minute.

Why didn't I think of this sooner?

We don't have to be starving actors.

Right. We can be starving waiters.

No, menu mouth. We can be successful directors.

- You mean... - Exactly!

Why should we let that guy make a chump roast out of us?

First, we're gonna get our paws all over this production.

- Lights. - Camera.

But babes, sweetheart, darling, I don't understand.

Well, Marty, Martin, it's very simple really.

You see, I'm done with this nature show business.

I just think the movie offer, "The Magnificent Seven Armadillos."

That's right, I'm playing all seven parts. Ciao.

Ooh, Hollywood.

Congratulations to you. That is very exciting.

Bye. Good luck.

Send us a card in the mail. Bye.

Ronald?

Yes, Mr. Partin person, sir.

Just a little question about the next scene.

How am I gonna shoot it without a star?

Why, why, of course.

I-I don't need a star, I've got three of them.

Count them with me, Ron. One, two, three.

Hey, what do you say? There's beef jerky in it for all of you.

No, thanks. But speaking of jerks, we've already got a beef.

Yeah, with you.

I think there's a union rule against this kind of thing.

Is that right, big Ron? Isn't that right? Tell me that's right.

"Kingdom of the Creatures," take next one,

action!

North, south, east, and west,

northwest and southeast, and, you know, wherever.

It's time for another exciting adventure

in the "Kingdom of the Creatures,"

with your hungry hosts,

the three hyenas.

The Serengeti, a big, high, grassy place

with a lot of rocks, a couple of trees and not much to eat.

That is until today

because we've got a really special treat in store for you.

Well, Ed's right.

It's actually a treat for us.

What you said, girlfriend. But seeing it as how it is our show

and we are the stars, we don't mind if you watch.

Not a bit. So, big Ron,

can we get a close up on today's subject?

It would be a pleasure.

Ooh, pretty impressive, isn't he?