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1
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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786
♪ A nutty mutt
living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415
♪ But when he'd hear
the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037
♪ It's so weird ♪
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy
♪
15
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665
♪ Turns out he's a
regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ And Leonard is
treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083
♪ Now this bowser's
ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet
is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
29
00:01:04,667 --> 00:01:07,037
[girl screaming]
30
00:01:12,250 --> 00:01:16,210
[children chattering]
31
00:01:16,291 --> 00:01:18,001
Beep, beep.
Make way for the custodian.
32
00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:19,253
What's that,
Mr. Dustman?
33
00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:20,383
It's a desk.
34
00:01:20,458 --> 00:01:23,038
They teach you dang kids
anything around here?
35
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:23,955
[thud]
36
00:01:25,583 --> 00:01:27,543
Gee, a new desk!
In the second row!
37
00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:30,495
Right across from me!
Do you know what that means?
38
00:01:30,583 --> 00:01:33,333
Duh, Scott!
It's pretty obvious.
39
00:01:33,417 --> 00:01:38,377
Finally, my hundreds of letters
to the state board of education
40
00:01:38,458 --> 00:01:40,208
have been answered.
41
00:01:40,291 --> 00:01:42,461
And they have put in a desk
42
00:01:42,542 --> 00:01:45,832
for my invisible
best friend, Noltar!
43
00:01:45,917 --> 00:01:46,747
[laughs]
44
00:01:46,917 --> 00:01:49,167
Go ahead, buddy.
Have a seat.
45
00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:50,290
Uh, Ian?
46
00:01:50,375 --> 00:01:52,875
I think the new desk
is for a new kid.
47
00:01:52,959 --> 00:01:53,789
[children murmur]
48
00:01:54,667 --> 00:01:55,957
New kid?!
49
00:01:56,041 --> 00:01:57,421
Okay, boys and girls,
50
00:01:57,500 --> 00:02:01,380
I want you all to give a great,
big, warm-as-toast welcome
51
00:02:01,458 --> 00:02:03,998
to our brand-new student,
Fred Bitters!
52
00:02:04,083 --> 00:02:05,503
[all] Hi, Fred!
53
00:02:05,583 --> 00:02:07,133
Hey.
54
00:02:07,208 --> 00:02:08,038
[sighs]
55
00:02:08,375 --> 00:02:10,455
Okay, get up, Noltar.
56
00:02:10,542 --> 00:02:13,582
Come on,
you can share my seat.
57
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:17,127
Hey, don't hog
the whole thing--
58
00:02:17,208 --> 00:02:20,378
Ouch!
Ha ha! Noltar!
59
00:02:22,500 --> 00:02:24,500
Welcome to
the second row, Fred!
60
00:02:24,583 --> 00:02:26,333
Say, is your name,
by any chance,
61
00:02:26,417 --> 00:02:27,457
short for Frederica?
62
00:02:27,542 --> 00:02:30,632
The feminine derivative of the
ancient teutonic Appalachian
63
00:02:30,709 --> 00:02:32,379
meaning "peaceful ruler,"
64
00:02:32,458 --> 00:02:34,248
coined originally
by the Normans
65
00:02:34,333 --> 00:02:36,253
but reintroduced
into modern usage
66
00:02:36,333 --> 00:02:38,333
by the Hanoverian rulers
of Britain?
67
00:02:38,417 --> 00:02:39,787
Aah...
68
00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:40,785
Chooo!
69
00:02:40,875 --> 00:02:42,625
No, it's just Fred.
70
00:02:42,709 --> 00:02:46,579
Oh! Well, that's a very
unusual name for a girl.
71
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,787
And that's a very unusual hat
for a freak!
72
00:02:49,875 --> 00:02:51,375
So, class-- class!
73
00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:53,418
Continuing the review of our
74
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:56,380
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
vocabulary list,
75
00:02:56,458 --> 00:03:00,328
who can tell me what
"nonviolent resistance" means?
76
00:03:00,417 --> 00:03:01,627
[Scott] Oh! Oh!
77
00:03:01,709 --> 00:03:02,829
Ohh! I know!
78
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:04,167
I got it! Pick me!
79
00:03:04,250 --> 00:03:06,750
Pick me, please, please,
please, please?
80
00:03:06,834 --> 00:03:08,254
[all]
Pick him! Pick him!
81
00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:09,963
Oh, please? Please? Please?
Come on!
82
00:03:10,041 --> 00:03:11,381
Well...
83
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,788
I think I see Scott's hand up
for a change.
84
00:03:14,875 --> 00:03:16,915
Nonviolent resistance--
85
00:03:17,000 --> 00:03:21,580
a philosophy employed
by the late, great Dr. King Jr.,
86
00:03:21,667 --> 00:03:23,537
whereby in the face
of an oppressor,
87
00:03:23,625 --> 00:03:25,785
one does not fight back,
but instead,
88
00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:27,785
peacefully opposes
the oppression.
89
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:28,745
[deep voice]
♪ We shall not ♪
90
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:33,462
♪ We shall not be moved ♪
91
00:03:33,542 --> 00:03:37,582
See also
Mohandus Mahatma Gandhi,
92
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,537
1869 to 1948.
93
00:03:39,625 --> 00:03:42,075
[as Gandhi]
Nonviolence is mightier
94
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:44,496
than the mightiest weapon
of destruction
95
00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,633
devised by the ingenuity
of man.
96
00:03:46,709 --> 00:03:50,579
[normal voice]
Which is, to say, "peace, baby"!
97
00:03:52,750 --> 00:03:55,460
A very... complete answer,
Scott.
98
00:03:55,542 --> 00:03:57,832
And I hope the rest of you
had your listening ears on,
99
00:03:57,917 --> 00:04:00,417
because it will be
on our vocab pretest
100
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:01,500
right after recess.
101
00:04:03,291 --> 00:04:05,001
Psych! Ha ha ha!
102
00:04:05,083 --> 00:04:07,503
The test isn't until
tomorrow.
103
00:04:07,583 --> 00:04:08,883
Ha ha!
104
00:04:08,959 --> 00:04:12,039
But I bet now you'll have
more fun at recess!
105
00:04:12,125 --> 00:04:13,875
[bell rings]
106
00:04:21,875 --> 00:04:24,455
Man, your teacher
really faked us out
107
00:04:24,542 --> 00:04:26,792
about that
vocab-test-after-recess thing.
108
00:04:26,875 --> 00:04:28,325
Ah, yes.
109
00:04:28,417 --> 00:04:31,127
You'll find our Mrs. H.
Is quite the merry prankster.
110
00:04:31,208 --> 00:04:34,498
Always ready to inject a little
humor into our fourth-grade day.
111
00:04:34,583 --> 00:04:36,503
Yeah? Well,
I thought it was stupid!
112
00:04:36,583 --> 00:04:37,543
[all gasp]
113
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:39,665
That's my mom
you're talking about!
114
00:04:39,750 --> 00:04:42,540
Easy, Leonard!
Fred didn't know! She's new!
115
00:04:42,625 --> 00:04:43,955
Maybe at her old school,
116
00:04:44,041 --> 00:04:46,711
they didn't have things
like jokes and... fun.
117
00:04:46,792 --> 00:04:48,832
[all] Ooh!
118
00:04:48,917 --> 00:04:51,667
You're gonna be sorry, hat boy!
119
00:04:51,750 --> 00:04:53,130
[all gasp]
120
00:04:55,375 --> 00:04:58,415
Okay, I'm out.
You're up, new girl!
121
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:02,750
Come on, Noltar, let's go
find a game of 4-square.
122
00:05:06,667 --> 00:05:08,877
Man, that new girl's
kinda scary.
123
00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:10,539
Oh, Leonard,
Leonard.
124
00:05:10,625 --> 00:05:13,325
Why must you bipeds
always judge each other
125
00:05:13,417 --> 00:05:15,497
based on shallow
first impressions?
126
00:05:15,583 --> 00:05:18,173
We of the more
sensitive canine species
127
00:05:18,250 --> 00:05:21,750
are much more instinctive when
it comes to appraising others.
128
00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:24,794
Fred's not scary.
She's just scared.
129
00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:26,495
How do you know that?
130
00:05:26,583 --> 00:05:27,963
I can smell it!
131
00:05:28,041 --> 00:05:29,291
[sniffs]
Woof, that's fear, all right!
132
00:05:30,583 --> 00:05:32,833
Often mistaken
for boiled cabbage
133
00:05:32,917 --> 00:05:34,167
and/or foot fungus.
134
00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:36,670
Whoa-ho!
135
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:37,920
Sorry, hat boy.
136
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,420
Guess you got
a little too close.
137
00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:41,330
[whistle blows]
138
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,075
Fred!
139
00:05:44,166 --> 00:05:46,326
I don't know what
the tetherball rules were
140
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:47,787
at your old school,
141
00:05:47,875 --> 00:05:49,875
but at Fala D. Roosevelt,
we are ever-mindful
142
00:05:49,959 --> 00:05:51,419
of other children's
precious heads!
143
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:55,670
Oh, poor lamby,
are you okay?
144
00:05:55,750 --> 00:05:59,750
Hmm... that hat boy
is dead meat!
145
00:06:02,917 --> 00:06:03,747
[sniffs]
Wait a second...
146
00:06:04,333 --> 00:06:06,173
That's not boiled cabbage
I smell anymore...
147
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:07,210
[sniffs]
Dirty paint rags...
148
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,497
Grandpa's pajama bottoms...
149
00:06:10,583 --> 00:06:14,713
Uh-oh.
Someone's ticked.
150
00:06:14,792 --> 00:06:15,632
[girls laughing]
151
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:20,423
I, like, can't believe how,
like, totally,
152
00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:22,040
like, how funny that is!
153
00:06:22,125 --> 00:06:25,375
And it, like, totally
looks exactly, like, like him.
154
00:06:25,458 --> 00:06:26,628
Hi, girls!
155
00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:28,919
[all] Hi, Scott.
156
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:29,830
[laughing]
157
00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,250
What's so funny?
158
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:36,423
Nothing in
the girl's bathroom!
159
00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,500
[laughing]
160
00:06:45,917 --> 00:06:48,037
Dude, I hate when
there's something funny
161
00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:50,205
in the girl's bathroom
and we can't go in
162
00:06:50,291 --> 00:06:51,131
and see what it is.
163
00:06:51,208 --> 00:06:54,458
Yeah, dude, I hate when there's
something funny in the girl's
bathroom
164
00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:55,712
and you can't go in.
165
00:06:55,792 --> 00:06:58,422
Oh...
You already said that, right?
166
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,540
I don't know.
Maybe.
167
00:07:00,625 --> 00:07:02,575
Say, here's an idea...
168
00:07:02,667 --> 00:07:04,577
Why can't we go in?
169
00:07:04,667 --> 00:07:05,667
[all] Dude!
170
00:07:05,750 --> 00:07:07,880
-What?
-Are you kidding me?!
171
00:07:07,959 --> 00:07:09,669
That's the girl's bathroom!
172
00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:17,043
[clears throat]
Excuse me.
173
00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:19,825
-Are there any girls inside?
-No.
174
00:07:19,917 --> 00:07:21,957
-Any baths?
-No.
175
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:23,921
Good, then it's just a room, right?
176
00:07:24,750 --> 00:07:26,790
I believe I have
semantically deconstructed
177
00:07:26,875 --> 00:07:29,245
all justification
to remain out here any longer.
178
00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:31,253
Come on, guys!
Let's go!
179
00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:34,920
[all] Whoa!
180
00:07:35,875 --> 00:07:38,245
It's a lot cleaner than ours!
181
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:39,833
And it smells better!
182
00:07:40,417 --> 00:07:42,917
We shouldn't be here.
This is very wrong!
183
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,960
I know, Leonard,
but we are on a mission
184
00:07:45,041 --> 00:07:46,211
for the greater good...
185
00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:49,381
To find out
what's so darn funny!
186
00:07:49,458 --> 00:07:51,918
[Ian laughing]
187
00:07:52,583 --> 00:07:57,383
Oh, you're right, Noltar!
Now this is hilarious!
188
00:07:57,458 --> 00:07:58,498
[laughs]
189
00:07:59,709 --> 00:08:04,329
[choking] Help!
I'm choking on my own spit!
190
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,167
-I wanna see!
-I wanna see!
191
00:08:07,875 --> 00:08:09,915
[laughing]
192
00:08:10,542 --> 00:08:12,502
Dude, that's, like,
a crack-up--
193
00:08:12,583 --> 00:08:13,423
[coughs]
194
00:08:13,625 --> 00:08:15,955
Now I'm, like,
choking on spit!
195
00:08:16,041 --> 00:08:18,211
Ho-ho!
This I gotta see!
196
00:08:21,166 --> 00:08:21,996
[gasps]
197
00:08:22,959 --> 00:08:27,459
[Scott]
"I'm the teacher's pet.
198
00:08:27,542 --> 00:08:30,132
Bow... wow."
199
00:08:30,208 --> 00:08:32,668
That's not funny!
That's just mean!
200
00:08:32,750 --> 00:08:33,630
[snickering]
201
00:08:33,709 --> 00:08:35,999
[laughing]
202
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:48,375
Oh! Ohh!
203
00:08:48,458 --> 00:08:49,498
[panting]
204
00:08:51,875 --> 00:08:53,455
[all laughing]
205
00:08:58,291 --> 00:08:59,631
[panting]
206
00:09:06,417 --> 00:09:08,957
[all laughing]
207
00:09:15,333 --> 00:09:18,213
Ohh, why are they
doing this to me?
208
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:19,961
I thought
they were my friends?
209
00:09:20,041 --> 00:09:21,381
I don't know, pal.
210
00:09:21,458 --> 00:09:23,878
I guess they're just happy
she's not picking on them.
211
00:09:23,959 --> 00:09:26,459
That's not
a reasonable excuse.
212
00:09:26,542 --> 00:09:28,382
It is for a fourth-grader.
213
00:09:28,458 --> 00:09:29,958
I hear the ice-cream man!
214
00:09:30,041 --> 00:09:31,501
Hey, I'll race you
215
00:09:31,583 --> 00:09:34,253
for a Jawcracker Sticky-Slima
Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pop.
216
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:37,293
You always know
just how to cheer me up.
217
00:09:41,458 --> 00:09:43,998
Go ahead!
Pick anything you want!
218
00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,383
My mom gave me enough money
to treat all my new friends
219
00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:47,378
to ice cream!
220
00:09:47,458 --> 00:09:48,288
[cheering]
221
00:09:50,333 --> 00:09:52,883
Suddenly,
I don't feel like ice cream.
222
00:09:52,959 --> 00:09:54,289
Let's just go home.
223
00:09:54,375 --> 00:09:56,325
But, you love
Freeza Pops!
224
00:09:56,417 --> 00:09:57,457
Oh, yes, I do!
225
00:09:57,542 --> 00:09:59,752
But it's not worth
the humiliation!
226
00:09:59,834 --> 00:10:01,674
Fred would probably just
put one in a metal dish
227
00:10:01,750 --> 00:10:05,960
and feed it to me on
the ground like a dog.
228
00:10:06,041 --> 00:10:09,581
Hey! Wait a minute!
That gives me an idea!
229
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:12,673
Arf! Arf! Arf!
230
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:14,830
All right,
I'm ready for
231
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:18,877
my Jawcracker Sticky-Slima
Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pop!
232
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:22,790
Hey, you're in
my class, right?
233
00:10:22,875 --> 00:10:23,995
Is that your doggy?
234
00:10:24,083 --> 00:10:25,213
It's so cool!
235
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,541
I love dogs,
and they love me!
236
00:10:27,625 --> 00:10:29,245
[Spot] Grr!
237
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:33,423
I bet they'd love to sink their
pointy canine teeth in your--
238
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:35,500
hey! What the--
put me down!
239
00:10:35,583 --> 00:10:38,503
I don't know you!
I don't even like--
240
00:10:38,583 --> 00:10:39,423
[laughs]
Oh, that's good!
241
00:10:40,750 --> 00:10:43,580
Oh, this girl
has scratched before!
242
00:10:43,667 --> 00:10:44,827
No! Resist!
243
00:10:44,917 --> 00:10:48,417
This is the same person
who made your day
244
00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,540
a horrible, unbearable--
245
00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:51,455
[laughs]
I love her nails!
246
00:10:53,291 --> 00:10:55,171
Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
247
00:10:55,250 --> 00:10:58,290
2 Jawcracker Sticky-Slima
Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pops.
248
00:10:58,375 --> 00:10:59,705
Sorry, kid.
249
00:10:59,792 --> 00:11:02,382
Just sold the last box
to that young lady over there.
250
00:11:02,458 --> 00:11:05,628
Is it okay if I feed one
to your dog?
251
00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,579
You can have one, too!
252
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,827
Well...
Gee, thanks.
253
00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:17,422
"Well...gee, thanks,"
he says...
254
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:20,040
Knowing that she's my life's
sworn blood enemy.
255
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:21,825
He still takes her lousy
256
00:11:21,917 --> 00:11:25,417
Jawcracker Sticky-Alima
Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pop!
257
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:26,920
Whoa! Back up!
258
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:29,790
Batten down the hatches,
matey.
259
00:11:29,875 --> 00:11:32,075
There's a storm a-brewin'.
260
00:11:32,166 --> 00:11:34,496
I thought it was okay
for me to have the freeza pop!
261
00:11:34,583 --> 00:11:35,543
You did!
262
00:11:35,625 --> 00:11:38,415
Don't point that finger
at me, mister!
263
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,880
I have an excuse!
264
00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:43,379
If you were a dog
getting scratched like that,
265
00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:46,878
ohh, you would've lost
all sense of reality, too!
266
00:11:46,959 --> 00:11:49,379
'Scusee...
267
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:51,748
Forgot the catnip mouse.
268
00:11:51,834 --> 00:11:55,174
Besides, you were supposed to
be the stronger one!
269
00:11:55,250 --> 00:11:57,630
You were supposed to
stand up for me
270
00:11:57,709 --> 00:12:00,709
and resist her wily
frozen treat temptations
271
00:12:00,792 --> 00:12:03,712
in the name of loyalty
and true friendship!
272
00:12:03,792 --> 00:12:07,382
That's not fair! I am your
friend and I always will be!
273
00:12:07,458 --> 00:12:08,998
Yeah, well, friend...
274
00:12:09,083 --> 00:12:14,423
You got a little dab
of Freeza Pop right there!
275
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:15,750
You licked it.
276
00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:18,584
Congratulations,
Leonard.
277
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:22,247
That was the last test,
and you failed.
278
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:23,633
Good day, sir!
279
00:12:23,709 --> 00:12:24,999
But I didn't--
I wouldn't--
280
00:12:25,083 --> 00:12:27,463
I said good day!
281
00:12:27,542 --> 00:12:29,132
Can we come out now?
282
00:12:29,208 --> 00:12:31,958
This catnip toy
stinks to high heaven!
283
00:12:32,041 --> 00:12:34,041
[snoring]
284
00:12:43,083 --> 00:12:44,883
What are you still doing in bed?!
285
00:12:44,959 --> 00:12:46,579
We're gonna be late
for school!
286
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:48,917
I'm a bit under the weather
this morning, Leonard.
287
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,460
You'll have to go without me.
288
00:12:50,542 --> 00:12:52,172
Your nose
is cold and wet.
289
00:12:52,250 --> 00:12:55,250
Fine! Let's just reduce
my entire state of well-being
290
00:12:55,333 --> 00:12:58,083
to the temperature and
moisture level of my nose!
291
00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,376
Are you staying home
because of that new girl?
292
00:13:00,458 --> 00:13:01,458
What girl?
293
00:13:01,542 --> 00:13:04,212
Oh, that's right!
The new girl!
294
00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:06,541
I'd completely
forgotten her.
295
00:13:06,625 --> 00:13:10,035
No, no, this has nothing to do
with that surly, mean-mouth,
296
00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:12,245
picture-drawing,
ice cream-bribing,
297
00:13:12,333 --> 00:13:14,333
out-of-control
tetherball menace!
298
00:13:14,417 --> 00:13:18,377
My stomach... is just...
upset... okay?
299
00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:23,458
It must have been that
Freeza Pop she forced on me!
300
00:13:23,542 --> 00:13:25,172
Hmm. That's weird.
301
00:13:25,250 --> 00:13:28,540
'Cause I had one,
and I feel just fine.
302
00:13:28,625 --> 00:13:31,285
You would,
wouldn't you?
303
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:33,535
Oh, come on!
Don't start that again!
304
00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:34,995
You know I didn't--
305
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:38,293
I hear your mother calling!
It's time for you to go!
306
00:13:38,375 --> 00:13:39,285
Good day, sir!
307
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:42,325
-But--
-I said, good day!
308
00:13:42,417 --> 00:13:45,457
Higher! Higher!
309
00:13:45,542 --> 00:13:47,132
-Higher!
-Bid higher!
310
00:13:47,208 --> 00:13:50,128
[woman]
I'd like to bid lower, Don.
311
00:13:50,208 --> 00:13:51,538
Oh, for pity's sake!
312
00:13:51,625 --> 00:13:54,625
How much do you think a Hawaiian
fantasy dream vacation for 2
313
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:56,129
wholesales for, anyway?!
314
00:13:56,208 --> 00:13:57,998
If there's any justice at all,
315
00:13:58,083 --> 00:14:00,423
that would be us up there, not her.
316
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,460
You know, getting ready to go
for the big bonanza buyout
317
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,292
after these words
from our sponsors.
318
00:14:06,291 --> 00:14:07,171
[sighs]
319
00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:09,963
Is this that
"Comparison Shopper" game show
320
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:12,581
you guys are always
talking about?
321
00:14:12,667 --> 00:14:14,127
Yeah.
School out already?
322
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:16,958
You know school's not out till
after "The Comparison Shopper,"
323
00:14:17,041 --> 00:14:18,831
"Circle Of Luck,"
"Double Dilemma,"
324
00:14:18,917 --> 00:14:20,667
"signify that song,"
all our soaps,
325
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:23,460
the fat lady talk shows,
and afternoon news wrap-up.
326
00:14:23,542 --> 00:14:24,672
What are you doing here?
327
00:14:24,750 --> 00:14:26,670
I didn't
go to school today.
328
00:14:26,750 --> 00:14:28,290
I don't feel so good.
329
00:14:28,375 --> 00:14:30,495
Your nose looks
cold and wet.
330
00:14:30,583 --> 00:14:33,213
Would everyone
stop with that already?!
331
00:14:33,291 --> 00:14:35,001
Dogs are complex creatures!
332
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,673
Our nose doesn't tell
the whole story.
333
00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:40,210
It's just that you've
never missed a day,
334
00:14:40,291 --> 00:14:41,541
especially a Tuesday.
335
00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:44,125
Don't you have your
vocab pretest on Tuesday?
336
00:14:44,208 --> 00:14:46,498
Plus P.E. And music
right after hot lunch?
337
00:14:46,583 --> 00:14:49,673
Which is turkey-chili nachos,
your fave.
338
00:14:49,750 --> 00:14:53,040
Sheesh! You guys
sure know a lot about my life!
339
00:14:53,125 --> 00:14:55,325
Well, we have none
of our own to speak of...
340
00:14:55,417 --> 00:14:58,037
So we spend our days living
vicariously through others,
341
00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:00,495
like you and this
dental-hygienist mother of 3
342
00:15:00,583 --> 00:15:01,963
from Fullerheim,
California.
343
00:15:02,041 --> 00:15:03,581
No, no, no, no!!
344
00:15:03,667 --> 00:15:05,957
A ski boat does not go for more
than a trip to Hawaii!
345
00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:07,421
You know nothing about
346
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,380
manufacturer's discounted
wholesale price!
347
00:15:10,458 --> 00:15:11,288
Humans...
[chuckles]
348
00:15:12,083 --> 00:15:13,003
You were saying?
349
00:15:13,083 --> 00:15:14,583
Oh, nothing, really...
350
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,667
Just that I'm
giving it all up...
351
00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:19,540
The pretests and P.E.,
music, and nachos.
352
00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:21,165
-What?!
-You heard me!
353
00:15:21,250 --> 00:15:23,420
I'm not going to school anymore.
354
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:25,380
It's no fun for me there.
355
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:28,458
I'd rather just stay
here at home and be a dog.
356
00:15:28,542 --> 00:15:30,832
-Wow.
-Wow.
357
00:15:30,917 --> 00:15:32,627
[both] Higher, higher!
358
00:15:40,917 --> 00:15:42,707
Participle,
participle!
359
00:15:42,792 --> 00:15:45,042
Purchase a participle, dummy!
360
00:15:45,125 --> 00:15:46,665
Don't ask the audience!
361
00:15:46,750 --> 00:15:48,540
They don't know bubkes!
362
00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:49,455
[sighs]
363
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:54,500
Chopin's "Polonaise Number 1,
Opus 26,"
364
00:15:54,583 --> 00:15:56,173
you tin-eared--
365
00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,463
oh, my heavens...
What have I become?
366
00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:04,042
[bell rings]
367
00:16:06,917 --> 00:16:09,497
Hey, Leonard,
where's your pal hat boy?
368
00:16:09,583 --> 00:16:11,333
If you're talking
about Scott,
369
00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:14,457
he didn't feel well,
so he stayed home today.
370
00:16:14,542 --> 00:16:17,252
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that.
371
00:16:17,333 --> 00:16:18,583
-Really?
-Psych!
372
00:16:18,667 --> 00:16:19,787
Ha ha!
373
00:16:19,875 --> 00:16:22,575
Learned that yesterday
from your mom.
374
00:16:22,667 --> 00:16:24,417
I can't believe teacher's pet
would ruin
375
00:16:24,500 --> 00:16:29,460
his perfect attendance record,
even if he was dying!
376
00:16:29,542 --> 00:16:30,382
[as Scott]
Oh, teacher!
377
00:16:31,250 --> 00:16:32,630
[panting] Please give me
my vocab pretest!
378
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,625
Give me some gum
and scratch behind my ears!
379
00:16:35,709 --> 00:16:36,539
[all laughing]
380
00:16:38,625 --> 00:16:39,455
[laughing]
381
00:16:41,083 --> 00:16:44,423
You should have
your own show!
382
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:48,330
Well, I thought
it was funny, Noltar!
383
00:16:48,417 --> 00:16:50,207
Maybe you didn't
know this, Fred,
384
00:16:50,291 --> 00:16:52,581
but that's my best friend
you're making fun of,
385
00:16:52,667 --> 00:16:54,667
and you better
cut it out right now!
386
00:16:54,750 --> 00:16:58,250
And if I don't,
what are you gonna do, huh,
387
00:16:58,333 --> 00:16:59,543
teacher's kid?
388
00:16:59,625 --> 00:17:00,455
[gasps]
389
00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:02,923
[wind blows]
390
00:17:09,083 --> 00:17:09,923
[door opens, closes]
391
00:17:10,542 --> 00:17:12,382
What are you doing here?
392
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:14,578
I started not feeling so good
at school.
393
00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:16,827
Guess I caught
the same bug you have.
394
00:17:16,917 --> 00:17:19,667
Yeah. Well, I hear there's
a lot of that going around.
395
00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:22,630
At least we can hang out
together until it goes away.
396
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,879
If it ever goes away.
397
00:17:25,959 --> 00:17:28,629
Great! Now there's 2 of them
messing up our tube time!
398
00:17:28,709 --> 00:17:30,879
And coming up is
a very special one-hour
399
00:17:30,959 --> 00:17:32,459
"Love, Sweat, And Tears"...
400
00:17:32,542 --> 00:17:34,332
The wedding of Rider and Clarissa.
401
00:17:34,417 --> 00:17:36,127
That's it, you have to
go back to school
402
00:17:36,208 --> 00:17:37,418
so pretty boy and I can return
403
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,420
to living other
people's lives in peace.
404
00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,500
I can't go back, Jolly!
You don't know this girl!
405
00:17:42,583 --> 00:17:44,713
She won't stop
her wretched torment
406
00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:47,502
'til I've drowned
in a hot, salty puddle
407
00:17:47,583 --> 00:17:49,003
of my own tears of shame.
408
00:17:49,083 --> 00:17:51,253
Spot Helperman,
listen to yourself!
409
00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:53,383
You think
you're the first person
410
00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:55,708
who ever had a bully
walk into its life?
411
00:17:55,792 --> 00:17:59,582
I had a bully of my own
once upon a time and long ago.
412
00:17:59,667 --> 00:18:04,377
I remember how awful it was
to be taunted and teased...
413
00:18:04,458 --> 00:18:07,378
Made to feel like
a worthless bag of garbage.
414
00:18:07,458 --> 00:18:09,788
But then, one day,
I stood up and said,
415
00:18:09,875 --> 00:18:12,325
"No! Dash it all!
This isn't about me!
416
00:18:12,417 --> 00:18:15,627
"This is about someone else's
fear and insecurity
417
00:18:15,709 --> 00:18:18,539
imasquerading as hostility
and bitter bile."
418
00:18:18,625 --> 00:18:19,995
After that,
419
00:18:20,083 --> 00:18:22,423
I didn't see my bully
as a bully anymore,
420
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,920
but rather a frightened,
fragile soul,
421
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,380
struggling to survive,
just like me,
422
00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:29,208
in this big, scary world.
423
00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:32,751
So, once I recognized
how alike we were inside,
424
00:18:32,834 --> 00:18:34,384
a bond began to form,
425
00:18:34,458 --> 00:18:37,458
and today, that bully
is my best friend.
426
00:18:37,542 --> 00:18:39,382
[Pretty Boy]
Who's that?
427
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:43,580
You, ya silly!
428
00:18:43,667 --> 00:18:45,377
What?!
Wait a minute!
429
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:48,498
That big, long, stupid story
was about me?!
430
00:18:48,583 --> 00:18:53,883
How dare you call me a bully,
you worthless bag of garbage!
431
00:18:53,959 --> 00:18:59,419
Oh, oh, someone must have
hurt you real bad some time.
432
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,580
[Pretty Boy] I'll hurt you!
I'll send you to the moon!
433
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:04,917
I'll help you heal the wound, baby!
434
00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:06,790
I love you
for who you are!
435
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:10,495
I guess if a scaredy-cat
like Mr. Jolly
436
00:19:10,583 --> 00:19:12,923
can face up to his bully,
437
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:15,420
Scott Leadready can, too!
438
00:19:17,834 --> 00:19:19,504
And I'll be
right behind you!
439
00:19:19,583 --> 00:19:21,383
Uh, I mean,
unless you want me in front.
440
00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:22,708
Thanks, pal.
441
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:26,292
And, uh...Sorry about
all the "good day, sir's."
442
00:19:26,375 --> 00:19:28,205
That's okay.
443
00:19:28,291 --> 00:19:29,831
[hip-hop music]
♪ Gotta be strong, gotta be cool ♪
444
00:19:30,959 --> 00:19:33,249
♪ I have the right
to go to school ♪
445
00:19:33,333 --> 00:19:35,383
♪ I'm calm and collected
And clear in my head ♪
446
00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:37,538
♪ I'd rather be dead
Than afraid of Fred-- ♪
447
00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:38,625
-Aaaah!
-Aaaah!
448
00:19:40,333 --> 00:19:42,043
[whimpering]
449
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,790
What are you doing?!
450
00:19:45,875 --> 00:19:47,785
I thought you were
gonna stand up to her!
451
00:19:47,875 --> 00:19:51,745
-You stand up to her! I'm scared!
-So am I.
452
00:19:51,834 --> 00:19:53,464
Let's just be real quiet
453
00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,712
so she'll just go by
and not notice us.
454
00:19:55,792 --> 00:19:56,712
Good idea.
455
00:19:56,792 --> 00:19:58,462
[Fred]
Hey, it's you!
456
00:19:58,542 --> 00:19:59,582
-Oh, no!
-Oh, no!
457
00:19:59,667 --> 00:20:01,877
I'd recognize
that cute tail anywhere!
458
00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:03,126
Come here, Spot!
459
00:20:03,750 --> 00:20:04,710
[sighs]
460
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:08,495
Come here, good boy!
461
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:10,543
Hey, fella,
you all alone too?
462
00:20:10,625 --> 00:20:13,535
I ditched out of class
as soon as that bell rang
463
00:20:13,625 --> 00:20:14,575
'cause everyone else
was hanging around
464
00:20:14,667 --> 00:20:16,667
making their stupid
get-well cards
465
00:20:16,750 --> 00:20:19,210
for hat boy
and the teacher's kid.
466
00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:22,749
[sighs] Oh.
467
00:20:22,917 --> 00:20:25,747
Must be nice to have
everyone care if you're sick.
468
00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:28,500
Wish I had friends like that.
469
00:20:28,583 --> 00:20:31,133
I bet no one in this
whole stupid school
470
00:20:31,208 --> 00:20:33,168
would even notice
if I wasn't here.
471
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,504
-I'd notice.
-Huh?! Teacher's kid?
472
00:20:37,583 --> 00:20:38,423
[zipper zips]
473
00:20:38,959 --> 00:20:41,209
I'd notice too, Fred.
474
00:20:41,291 --> 00:20:44,421
Teacher's pet?!
What are you doin' here?
475
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,630
Were you guys
spyin' on me?!
476
00:20:46,709 --> 00:20:48,829
No, we were just
standing behind the statue
477
00:20:48,917 --> 00:20:50,667
and you were talking
really loud.
478
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,630
[growls]
479
00:20:51,709 --> 00:20:52,959
But the point is,
Fred...
480
00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:54,631
If you want to
get noticed,
481
00:20:54,709 --> 00:20:57,209
it shouldn't be
at someone else's expense.
482
00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,961
Making me look bad
doesn't make you look better.
483
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:01,921
You don't have to
call people names.
484
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,420
Or draw pictures.
485
00:21:03,542 --> 00:21:07,252
Or even buy them Jawcracker Sticky
-Alima Tooty-Fruity Freeza Pops.
486
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:08,753
If you
want to make friends...
487
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,504
...you just have to
be a friend.
488
00:21:11,583 --> 00:21:12,673
Really?
489
00:21:12,750 --> 00:21:15,130
You mean even though
my dad's stupid job
490
00:21:15,208 --> 00:21:16,538
makes us move all the time,
491
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:21,665
and I never spend longer than
a year at any stupid school...
492
00:21:21,750 --> 00:21:25,540
And I always wind up getting
into stupid trouble
493
00:21:25,625 --> 00:21:28,575
and no one ever
likes me anyway...
494
00:21:28,667 --> 00:21:31,167
[all] Aaaah!
495
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,920
All I have to do is...
Be a friend
496
00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:36,460
and everything
will be okay?
497
00:21:36,542 --> 00:21:38,502
Yup.
And tell you what...
498
00:21:38,583 --> 00:21:42,543
To get you started,
we'll be your first 2 friends!
499
00:21:45,083 --> 00:21:46,793
[sighs]
500
00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:52,456
My 2 new friends
are the teacher's pet
501
00:21:52,834 --> 00:21:54,294
and the teacher's kid?
502
00:21:55,458 --> 00:21:57,288
Aaaaaah!
503
00:21:59,208 --> 00:22:01,708
Aaaaaaaah!
504
00:22:02,125 --> 00:22:03,535
It's a beginning.
505
00:22:06,834 --> 00:22:09,084
Uh, you can be
friends with us,
506
00:22:09,166 --> 00:22:10,666
right, Noltar?
36055
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