Original subtitles

♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪

-♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪

♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪

♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪

♪ He'd start to drool ♪

-♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪

♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪

♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪

♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪

-♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪

♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪

♪ He's so over just being rover ♪

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪

♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪

♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪

Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?

Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.

♪ I want to be a boy ♪

I hate dogs.

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪

I do not wish to be a dog.

♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪

♪ I got to be a boy ♪

♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪

♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪

Yes!

We cameth to the land thou callest America,

brimming with boundless good hopes

in expectation of a new life.

And lo, though the Massachusetts wind blowest

bitter cold and harsh,

did we giveth thanks for new things

and maketh new friends.

And thus beganneth the venerable tradition of gratitude

which thou carriest on verily to this day,

that which be-eth known as Thanksgiving.

I thank thee for thy time

and the extra-credit points.

Good day.

Now, the question is,

do I eat a lot now to stretch my stomach

and get it ready for all the Thanksgiving food

I'm gonna eat tomorrow,

or do I not eat so my stomach will be empty

and have plenty of room?

What do you usually do?

Usually, if you recall, Leonard,

I spend the holiday weekend out on the back porch

with the rest of the pets

because your Grandma Rose, who's allergic to us,

comes to visit.

Luckily, this year, dear old Rosie's staying back home,

and I'm a boy!

Boy, it's great to be a boy.

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!

Grandma Rose just called from the airport.

She missed us too much to not come out for Thanksgiving.

Scott, go home. Leonard, clean your room.

Put the pets out on the back porch right away.

Oh, boy.

Come on. Come on, guys.

[grunting]

Please.

Heck, no, we won't go.

Put granny on the porch.

We refuse to spend another horrible holiday

on that cold, hard molineum--

limoneum.

Linoleome-- minoleum.

I can just never say that word!

[all] Linoleum.

That's what I said-- minoleum-- oh, ugh!

No matter how you say it,

we refuse to spend Thanksgiving on it.

Oh, come on, guys. It's not like it's my idea.

You know how it is when Grandma Rose comes.

No, Leonard,

why don't you explain it to the dumb animals?

Well, I don't know.

It's just like, she expects us to put you away

because she's a guest

and your fur messes with her sinuses,

and she hasn't seen me in a long time,

so she wants to cover me

with her stupid orange-lipstick kisses

and steal my nose and not give it back

till my room is spick-spanking clean

and drive me crazy for the next four days!

[gasps]

Easy, kid.

It's just a holiday.

Quick, guys, on the porch before his head explodes.

Leonard, Grandma's taxi just pulled up.

Are the pets put away?

Give her the "all clear," Leonard.

The pets are put away.

I'm so sorry, you guys.

I promise, I'll bring you stuffing and mashed potatoes

and pie and everything.

I'll be in here every couple minutes.

I won't forget you, even for a--

Hey! She brought me a present!

[Pretty Boy] How like a human!

My little Lenny Benny, bright as a penny!

Come hug your Grandma Rosie Posy, got your nosy.

No, no, Grandma, please.

Give it back. My room is clean.

Well, all right.

And I have something else for you, too.

A present?

No. 100 more kisses!

[laughs]

Of course a present.

Wow! What could it be?

It's little. It shakes.

I don't want to spoil the surprise,

but it's a video game!

A video game? Cool.

You usually get me something

from your neighbor Jean's garage sale for a dollar.

I got it at Jean's garage sale.

She wanted 2 bucks, but I talked her down.

It's one of the very first video games they ever made.

Catch The Blob?

"Catch all three blobs and become the blob champion.

Caution-- may cause dizziness."

Gee.

"Gee," what, Leonard?

Gee, uh, thanks, Grandma Rose.

I sure never expected this--

a video game from a thousand years ago.

Well, you go play now, Honey Bunny Bear,

while I help your mommy straighten up a little.

Gee, uh, thanks, Mom.

No thanks necessary, pea pot, poodle pie.

I expect to clean when I come here. Ooh!

But before we begin vacuuming the tops of these curtains,

I have a little surprise for you, too.

I brought the main course this Thanksgiving,

because as you know, my tummy always gets a little urpy

from those questionable frozen birds

you hurry-up working moms serve.

It's Thanksgiving,

and I expect my turkey to be as fresh as fresh can be.

[gobbling]

Oh, my, that does sound fresh.

Lil-lil-luly.

L-Limoley.

Limoleeee-maniley.

Liza-labumba.

No.

Lamiley-mollymoley-lil-lil- lilla-ladda-Lou.

[slurring] Oh! My goodness!

I think I tied my tongue into a knot.

You did not tie your tongue into a knot.

Did so. Look!

Gee, I always thought that was just an expression.

Yech!

It's been two minutes.

Leonard said he'd be back every couple of minutes.

A couple is two, so...

Where in the blazes is he?!

[electronic voice] Catch the blob.

[beeping]

Catch the blob.

This is so stupid.

Oh, well. I'll get it this time.

Almost four minutes, Leonard.

That's twice a couple.

Now, I swear,

if that boy doesn't get back in here with some gravy soon,

this friendship is in serious trouble.

Catch the blob.

Gotcha!

One blob down, two to go!

There he is! It's Leonard with the gravy!

I'll just-- I'll put it in here for now, Mom.

Oh! Oh, dear, no!

You don't have to clean the chimney, Mom!

[sniffs]

That's not food.

[gobbles]

...or is it?

[gobbling]

[Southern accent] Hello, everyone.

I'm Lurkey.

You're Turkey Lurkey?

No, my father was Turkey. I'm Lurkey.

So you're father was Turkey Turkey.

No. Just Turkey. And I'm Lurkey.

Well, I'll say one thing, you're no rocket scientist.

No, I'm a turkey, just like my father...

Except he's Turkey, I'm Lurkey Turkey.

My brother is jerky.

That's his name?

No, that's how he acts.

His name is Turkey, after my dad.

The trip to the porch just got a whole lot worse.

I'm almost afraid to ask.

Um, Mr. Turkey...

Please, call me Lurkey.

Gee, I forgot-- why are you here?

Can't rightly say.

Jean was having a garage sale,

and some nice old woman came along

and said she'd give a buck to take me to her daughter's

for Thanksgiving dinner.

Wasn't that just neighborly of her?

[all] Uh...

[all] Yeah.

Psst! Guys... Huddle by the dryer.

That turkey-- Lurkey--

has no idea what he's here for.

Oh, dear.

This is the most horrific of conundrums.

Now, see, why is it my tongue can say "conundrum"

but not "linoney-monie-mooley- mattamattamea-mooley-mooleum"?

I know. We'll solve two problems at once.

Let's just have cat for Thanksgiving.

Well, we got to do something.

We can't just let them eat that poor bird.

Bird? Whoa! Whoa!

I'm not one to split feathers,

but we real birds do not recognize the turkey

as a legitimate member of the aviatric family.

They're too darn stupid. Watch.

Hey, Lurks, I heard turkeys are so dumb,

when it starts to rain, you tip back your head,

open your mouth, and drown.

I don't think so.

[gurgles]

[coughs]

What do you know? Guess I was wrong.

Hunh, hunh, hunh, hunh.

[gurgling]

Thanks. You saved my life.

I only hope we can do it again tomorrow

before they have you for dinner.

Dinner? Me?

Oh, no.

Then all those stories they used to scare us kids with

to make us go to sleep are... true?

Help!

I don't want to be dinner!

I don't wanna get ate!

I just want to go out in the rain

and have a drink of water.

It's okay, Lurkey. You're not gonna get eaten.

I just told you that story to make you go to sleep.

Oh. Well, okay, then.

[snores]

[gobbles]

[snores]

[gobbles]

Catch the blob.

Look at my little blooby blob catcher,

still at it on Thanksgiving morning.

[beeping]

Ha ha!

Catch the blob.

[snores]

[gobbles]

Why do people have to eat turkey anyway?

I personally find it among the driest and least flavorful

of all the holiday meats.

Mmm...kinda stringy, too.

Hey, my ears are burning.

Are you saying nice things about me?

Yeah, yeah. Go back to sleep.

It's what I do best.

[snoring]

Now, see, if Leonard had come in every two minutes--

or any two minutes-- during the last 17 hours,

he might have been able to go back out there

to save poor Lurkey's life.

But did he come in? No. Never. Not once.

But that's not the issue-- mustn't get sidetracked

by how bitterly resentful I feel toward Leonard

for leaving us locked in here, alone and forgotten!

As for saving Lurkey, I guess, once again,

it's just something I'll have to do myself.

What can you do?

You're a dog on a porch, not a superhero.

No, but I do have a secret identity.

Scott Leadready II to the rescue!

Ooh!

Oy.

I hope the window's not locked.

Well, these recipes just talk about thawing the bird first.

Nobody mentions what you're supposed to do

with its feathers, or-- or feet, or face!

-[knock on door] -Ah!

Oh! Oh, it's just you, Scott.

What are you doing here?

I live here.

Oh, ha ha ha. That's cute.

Yes, I-I know you spend a lot of time with us,

but shouldn't you be home with your family for Thanksgiving?

Oh, right, right.

My family-- good old family.

Why aren't I home with my family?

Well, you know, mom was busy with all her preparations,

and I was just underfoot.

You know how annoying we boys can be.

So, she sent me out to the 24-hour all-natural food store

to buy a Thanksgiving treat

for our dear friends, the Helpermans.

And look what I got you?

"Faux Turkey." Ha ha.

[sloshes]

100% soy tofu-- tastes just like the real thing,

and soaks up gravy like a sponge.

So, how about it, Mrs. H?

It's a Thanksgiving gift, so you can't say no.

Oh, Scott... You are a lifesaver.

Aw, shucks, ma'am... Just doing my job.

Now, if you'd be a good Helperman helper

and go inside with Leonard,

you boys can keep Grandma Rose busy while I cook it up.

See, she-- she might not understand about Faux Turkey.

She-- she expects a more traditional kind of feast,

if you get my meaning.

Gobble, gobble.

Message received. Gobble, gobble.

It will be my pleasure to go in with Leonard.

[beeping]

Oh, yeah, baby!

Now you're in trouble.

Gotcha!

Good job blob.

Great! Way to go!

My turn.

[grunts]

Come on, Grandma, give it up.

Ah.

What a lovely little scene.

Two people playing on a Thanksgiving morn,

far, far away from the cold, damp back porch!

Oh, shoot. Scott!

Ooh, he remembers my name.

Sorry to interrupt your fun,

but I haven't seen my good friend,

Leonard, for over a couple of minutes.

1,020 minutes over a couple of minutes, to be precise.

But, who's counting?

I'm sorry, Scott.

It's just this game-- it's like I can't stop.

Right.

It's the game's fault.

It made you forget everything and everyone.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

This must be some game.

Catch the blob.

Ha ha.

There was a little glare on the TV screen.

I'll get it this time.

Well, you boys play.

I'm gonna go in the kitchen with Leonard's mom

and see how our nice, fresh turkey dinner is coming along.

[both] Yeah, right. Whatever.

Let me help, dear.

Aah!

No, mom, everything's fine.

Don't need any help-- everything's fine.

Turkey's in the oven. Everything's fine.

Fine, fine, fine.

If everything is so fine,

why are you speaking in your "I'm telling a big fib" voice?

[gasps] I'm not.

Mary Lou Moira Angela Darling Helperman,

didn't I teach you always to tell mother the truth?

[sobbing] I'm sorry, Mommy.

It's just that Scott brought over this beautiful Faux Turkey.

[sloshes]

They say it soaks up gravy like a sponge.

[clock ticking]

I better go check on the pooch.

I can't tell time,

but he's been gone more than a couple of minutes.

You can't tell time?

So? You can't say "linoleum."

Oh, touché.

Ha. Look, I can say "touché," and that's French.

Eee!

Maybe if I try it in French.

[French accent] Linoleum.

Wow, I did it.

Gee, I wonder if I can do it in German.

[German accent] Linoleum.

He he he he.

How about italiàno?

[Italian accent] Linoleum.

And now, back in English.

Lino-lamo-luma-loma-nini- nano-dadle-do.

[French accent] I flew too close to the sun.

[beeping]

Hey!

Oh!

How like a human...

And a dog pretending to be a human.

Well, Mary Lou, if you can't bring yourself

to prepare our turkey for Thanksgiving,

I guess I'll just have to do it myself.

[sobbing]

He may be the dumbest bird I've ever met,

but he's still a bird,

and birds who have feathers gotta stick together.

[door opens]

Well, we've lost Leonard and Spot.

It's up to us.

Lurkey, we've got to get you out of here.

Quick, fly out the window.

I can't fly.

Did you forget?

I'm a turkey.

Not the Turkey-- that would be my father.

Yeah, yeah, yeah-- herkey, shmerkey, berserkey.

Oh, you know the cousins?

Let's just get you out!

Who's ready to start cooking?

Too late.

Jolly, quick.

Quick what?

[door creaks]

Oh, my.

Excuse me, ma'am.

Is this your turkey?

Yes. Who are you?

Uh...I'm officer Pretty,

the local Turkey Protection League inspector.

Oh! Oh, p-p-pleased to meet you.

Ow! Oh, right.

But enough pleasantries.

We received an anonymous tip that you transported a turkey

from a garage sale without a license.

I wasn't aware I needed a license.

No one's every aware, are they?!

Now, I suggest you just leave this turkey be.

Well, I don't want to break the law.

I suppose we'll just have to find something else to eat.

But not a canary.

[sizzling]

I wouldn't have expected it, Mary Lou,

but that does look mighty tasty.

And look at it soak up that gravy.

[slurping]

[burps]

[beeping]

Lenny, does your little friend want to stay for dinner,

or does he need to get home to his family?

Family!

Oh, my gosh, I forgot.

Scott...

Why hast thou forsaken us?

I've gotta get back to them right away.

I'll just take a shortcut through the kitchen

where the mashed potatoes and gravy are.

It was a pleasure meeting a boy who enjoys video games so much.

And it's a pleasure meeting a grandma

who enjoys shaking hands so much.

Hey, we're shaking hands.

Yes, we are.

Uh, Leonard, see me to the door.

Did you just see that?!

You shook hands. So?

So, she didn't sneeze, sniffle, puff up, or turn red.

We can come out of the porch.

Grandma's not allergic to pets.

Really?

Maybe she just expects to have a bad reaction to animals

the way we expected to hate the blob game,

the way Lurkey expects to drown in the rain,

the way jolly expects to not be able to say "ninoleum,"

but-- well, you know what I mean.

But if we could show her what we're really all about--

if we could come in off the porch

and let her know us for the fun, lovable guys we are,

well, wouldn't that be something to give thanks about?

But what if it doesn't work?

What if her sinuses go crazy, and mom gets mad at me,

and they take away the blob game,

and it ruins my whole Thanksgiving?

Leonard, like the pilgrims who left england for the new world,

sometimes you just gotta take a chance.

Leonard, would you please say grace?

We're thankful for this meal,

and we're thankful that on this day,

we found out that grandma's not really allergic to animals.

[gasps] Oh, but I am, dear.

That's why your pets need to stay out on the back porch

whenever I come.

If they got near me, my sinuses would wreak holy havoc.

[chirping]

Well, look at this!

I just thought the table had a squeaky leg.

Go on, grandma, pet 'em.

I'll be.

This is quite nice.

I never expected that.

I guess that's what Thanksgiving is really all about--

not expecting things, but just being thankful for what is.

You're right, Leonard.

And I thank you for that.

The blessing, Leonard.

♪ 'Tis the gift to be simple ♪

♪ 'Tis the gift to be free ♪

♪ 'Tis the gift to come in Off the cold limolinee ♪

♪ When the rain doth chill ♪

♪ Our spirits don't sink ♪

♪ May we get some corn? ♪

♪ We have us a drink ♪

♪ We live to blob another day ♪

♪ I throw all my allergy pills away ♪

♪ We're here, and we're family ♪

♪ Let us all be thankful for that ♪

♪ And gra-a-vy ♪

♪ We're here and we're family ♪

♪ Let us all be thankful for that ♪

♪ And gra-a-vy-y-y ♪

[electronic voice] Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.