Original subtitles

♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪

-♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪

♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪

♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪

♪ He'd start to drool ♪

-♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪

♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪

♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪

♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪

-♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪

♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪

♪ He's so over just being rover ♪

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪

♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪

♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪

Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?

Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.

♪ I want to be a boy ♪

I hate dogs.

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪

I do not wish to be a dog.

♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪

♪ I got to be a boy ♪

♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪

♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪

Yes!

[dogs barking]

Pbht!

[barking]

[buzz]

[howls]

[buzz, howls]

[buzz, howls]

[buzz, howls]

[dogs howling]

[growling]

Aaaaah!

[barking]

[panting]

Ooh-hoo, can you believe the science fair

is only 24 hours away?

Just one more spin of the earth's axis and, boom,

we join the ranks of Einstein, Darwin,

and my personal favorite, Pavlov.

[gasps]

[gasps]

[tinkles]

-[blows] -[buzz]

Aaah! Aaah!

Ooh, sorry. That actually hurts?

This close to my ears? Of course a dog whistle hurts!

Anything with a species in its name

is made to hurt that species.

Fly swatter...

Elephant gun...

Bug spray. [hisses]

Why do you even have that?

It's for my science-fair project.

I'm gonna show how dogs hear different than people.

"Dog whistle... hurts... ears."

That's it? That's your project?

Ooh, it's good.

See, what happened was I found a whistle in my closet,

and when I blew it, no sound came out,

but then some dogs outside started to howl.

Because it hurts.

Right, but I didn't know that before.

Anyway, I thought, "how come this whistle makes dogs howl

and other whistles don't?"

Because that one hurts.

Then I wondered,

"are there whistles that people can hear but dogs can't?"

So I got a bunch of different whistles.

[toot]

[kazoo plays]

[whistle whirs]

[slide whistle plays]

How big are your pockets?

[warbling]

This is all very fascinating, Leonard,

and I'm sure the judges at the whistle fair are gonna go nuts.

Unfortunately, tomorrow's fair is about science.

This is science.

I observed something,

and now I'm doing research to discover why.

[wolf whistle]

[smack]

Poor Leonard.

In cave-man times, yes, the guy who'd go around eating plants

to see which ones killed him was a scientist,

but times have changed.

That's not science anymore.

It's not?

No, nowadays, science is about more

than just scribbling down a few notes.

You have to overwhelm your audience with copious boatloads

of detailed research from independent sources,

which you then restate using overly academic words

and fancy typefaces.

So you're saying my project's no good?

All I'm saying is, Lenny,

is the science crown is not gonna be won by,

"dogs can hear a lot of stuff."

Great name! Can I use that?

Have you been listening at all?!

Make your project sound scholarly.

At least have the sign say "canis pro bene audiamus."

That sounds scholarly.

It means "dogs hear very well" in Latin.

Let me show you what a real science-fair project looks like.

Now remember, you're sworn to secrecy

under an irrevocable permanent code of absolute silence.

Swear!

I'm not allowed to swear, but I promise.

Promise promise?

Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a truck in my eye,

I'll never, ever, ever tell this secret

to anybody anytime ever.

I guess that's good enough.

♪ Ooh ♪

My, my, that certainly is impressive.

What is it?

Pfft! Cats. Anybody can see it's a--

Well, uh... dog boy, you explain.

It's my science project on photosynthesis,

the process whereby sunlight is converted into chemical energy.

Right-- photo-idiosyncrasies.

Keep talking. You're doing fine.

Hmm.

As this chart shows,

chlorophyll is activated by absorbing light,

creating the compound adenosine triphosphate.

Wow, you were right. Your project really is better.

And well it should be, Leonard.

This is an exact reproduction

of work by some of the greatest scientists in the world.

Well, better put it away.

Don't want any spies stealing my idea.

Spies! Those sneaky, silent, stealthy snoops.

You know what we cats call spies?

Cat wannabes. [chuckles]

I wouldn't hide it in there.

Mom cleans tomorrow. Under the bed's probably safer.

Hmm.

Maybe the closet was the best place.

I know.

I'll take out all my stuff, and you can hide it in the back.

Hey, Lenny Benny bean-bom.

Mom!

Spot!

Ha ha hee hee! Calm down!

It's only mommy! Hee hee hee hee!

I must have showered with liver instead of soap this morning.

I'm... K-Kinda busy right now.

I just came in to make the bed.

The bed? I can make it.

See?

It's so tight, you can bounce a quarter off it.

What?

What to my wondering eyes doth appear?

Is this a science-fair project on photosynthesis,

the process whereby sunlight is converted into energy

by way of adenosine triphosphate?

Uh, looks like that, doesn't it,

but it's just a bunch of stuff under a bed.

You know how sometimes you look at clouds

and see things that aren't really there?

-This is like that. -Leonard Amadeus Helperman,

I had no idea you've been such a busy beaver worker bee.

Looky what you've done!

I'll bet dollars to donuts you win first prize tomorrow.

Oh, ooh, I am so proud of you, my big secret scientist!

You'll be the first Helperman

to go to an Ivy-league university

with a science scholarship.

♪ My baby's gonna be a scientist ♪

♪ My baby's gonna be a scientist ♪

Poke me.

All right, you asked for it.

Thank you.

Leonard, tell me I was having a bad dream

but now I've been poked awake

and this science-fair project is still mine!

I'll go talk to her.

You know, Spot got me thinking.

Here we go.

All that talk about photosynthesis

made me realize that life is a good thing.

It's a beautiful thing, a thing to cherish.

So why are you making me want to kill you?

I'm gonna grow me a garden.

A what? Where?! You don't even go outside!

I don't have to plant it outside.

There's dirt right here, in a manner of speaking.

Not that box with the little Clay clumps!

Exactamundo!

We have sunlight, water...

A cat head filled with macaroons!

You can't grow veggies in that!

As I understand it,

there are many plant species that thrive in sandy soil.

But it's your little box! It's unsanitary!

Oh-ho! I see your confusion.

This box is brand-new.

My regular litter box is over there.

Yech!

This one will only be used for growing things

and is filled with fresh and sanitary soil

right out of the sealed bag. There.

Will you help me sow the seeds?

Yeah, right.

I can't wait to call the boys at Al's Pet World with this.

[humming]

Oh, darn.

I'm just not good at this.

Mom, can I talk to you?

Well, you have a mouth, lips, tongue, and a larynx,

so of course you can.

If you want permission to talk...

May I talk to you?

That's my boy, scientist and an expert in grammar.

I now present our magna cum laude president

of the graduating class of 2011!

It's about the science fair.

I'm not gonna do photosynthis-- uh...

Okay, say "photo" then add "synthesis" to the end of it.

"Photosynthesis."

Photosynthesis.

So I was thinking--

say it again by yourself.

Do I have to?

Say it.

Photosynthesis.

Good!

Anyway, I'm gonna pick something else for the science fair.

Hold on! You are gonna take that project to the fair tomorrow!

But--

no but-er-oonies, young man.

Ivy Leaguers don't change their projects at the last minute.

Okay, I'm gonna tell you the truth, okay?

Okay, here it is.

The experiment isn't mine. I didn't make it.

Oh, honey, if you didn't make it, who did?

The dog?

Uh... yeah.

Leonard.

I know you're saying all this

because your project turned out super special

so you might actually win for once.

You're scared to be in the spotlight,

but you're gonna feel differently

when the judges announce, "hey, everybody,

Leonard Helperman is the big deserving winner!"

Trust me!

Oh, here's some gristle for Spot. Now you two go play.

[door opens]

So, did you clear every--

[sniffs]

Is that...

Gristle!!

She didn't believe me.

I have to take your project to the fair as if it were mine.

You just ruined gristle.

That's never happened before.

You know what?

Whether the world learns about photosynthesis from me

or a guy who couldn't hide stuff under a bed correctly

doesn't really matter.

No! What does matter is that I've been selfish.

I've been stealing all the glory.

It's time that you felt what it's like to win

and be big man on campus.

Leonard, my award-winning project is yours!

I don't want your project. I like mine.

Don't worry, I'm not mad you took it from me.

I give it willingly and with love.

I ask for nothing in return.

-[clears throat] -What?

I'm waiting.

For what?

You're not gonna thank me for all I've done?

Kids these days!

If I take your project,

I'd be putting my name on work that isn't mine.

That's wrong, and besides, who's gonna present my project?

If it makes you feel better, I will present

your "honorable-mention"-at-best project.

There, everything is settled. "Thank you, Spot."

Thank you, Spot?

But I don't know anything about photosynthesis.

I'll teach you, and then you wouldn't be putting your name

on something you couldn't have done yourself.

Yeah, this way, you won't have to feel bad, right?

Well, if you put it that way...

All right, I'll do it.

Great! Let's get started.

What do you know about photosynthesis already?

Nothing.

Biology? Plant structure? Chemistry?

Ah, a clean slate, the tutor's dream.

Ouch! My eye!

What are you looking up for? Plants don't have eyes.

People! People! Please!

Work with me!

Do I look stupid?

Yes, but that sunburst collar's a nice diversion.

Leonard needs our help.

He has to learn this stuff by tonight.

Now, again, thespians, from the top!

Why does he call us that? We are not from thesp.

And... action!

The plant gets up in the morning

and waits for the rays of the sun to bathe him in sunlight.

Cue the sun!

Soon, the sun comes out and drops its light

onto all the plants of the field.

"Yum. That sunlight sure feels nice against my plant skin."

-I have a question. -Cut!

Questions are good.

They show you're attempting to absorb the information.

How come one chart's in blue marker and the other's in green?

What does that have to do with anything?

Suppose they ask.

They're not gonna ask that.

But suppose they do and I don't know the answer!

I might freeze up!

Then they'll know I didn't actually make the charts!

They're only gonna ask questions about science.

What are the names of the cells

located below a plant's upper epidermis?

Palisade cells! Palisade cells!

Haven't you been paying attention?!

It's hard!

If we're finished, I'm gonna eat the leftover sunlight.

I'm never gonna learn all this by tonight.

I stink at memorizing.

Yeah, memorizing is hard.

Maybe we've been coming at this the wrong way.

Maybe what you need is to see

all this photosynthetic stuff in context.

Let's go for a walk.

[upbeat music playing]

[clears throat]

♪ All this green comes into being ♪

♪ By the power of the sun's attraction ♪

♪ These flowers of the field Will not yield ♪

♪ To the photosynthetic reaction ♪

♪ Without chlorophyll from the sun still ♪

♪ They'd be headed for the Plant cemetery ♪

♪ And all this scrub Vegans use for grub ♪

♪ Will be riding on the "I'm dead" ferry ♪

♪ I can't overemphasize that all These plants of every size ♪

♪ They are smart, they're very wise ♪

♪ They photosynthesize ♪

♪ Photosynthesize ♪

But how does it actually work?

Glad you asked.

♪ When the sun and plants meet, The reactions meet ♪

♪ With a complicated chemical fate ♪

♪ The carbons made organic, Their molecules erratic ♪

♪ From adenosine triphosphate ♪

♪ And the by-product photosynthate ♪

♪ Six parts co2 make up the brew Mixed with 12 parts h2o ♪

♪ It's converted to all this ♪

♪ Which is this plus this plus thi-i-s ♪

And, well, there you go.

Got it?

So what you're saying is...

♪ There's a lot of energy Stored in the ATP ♪

♪ That chemical starts the race ♪

♪ When carbon dioxide's taken for a ride ♪

♪ Organic...is left in its place ♪

By George, he's got it!

♪ We can't overemphasize that All these plants of every size ♪

♪ They are smart, they're very wise ♪

♪ They photosynthesize ♪

♪ We can't overemphasize that Every plant of every size ♪

♪ They're so smart, they're very wise ♪

♪ They photosynthesi-i-i-ze ♪

One more time!

♪ We can't overemphasize that Every plant of every size ♪

♪ They're so smart, they're very wise ♪

♪ They photosynthesi-i-i-ze ♪

[snoring]

Yahh!

Will you help me hoe the garden?

Fat chance.

Will you help me mulch the plants?

This is sick! I want nothing to do with it!

Perhaps you'll help grab a pail or help me water the seeds.

Will will let me go to sleep? Will you please get off my back?

Sigh.

The life of a gardener is a lonely one.

Careful with everything. You're gonna do just fine.

The research speaks for itself.

Ooh! Don't forget to point out that chart.

I still feel guilty my name is on this stuff

when it's really your project.

[fanfare plays]

Ooh, Leonard!

Your project looks great!

Oh, thanks, Leslie, I did it all myself.

So what's your project on?

Photosynthesis, same as you.

What?!

You're doing photosynthesis?!

Uh-huh, everybody did.

Photosynthesis is the process...

In green plants and certain other...

Organisms by which carbohydrates...

Are synthesized from carbon dioxide...

And water.

[cries]

Using light as the energy source...

And releasing oxygen as a by-product.

Oh, if there's no water, you can also use spit.

Well, well, everyone certainly did a nice job researching

and printing everything neatly on poster board.

Especially Mr. Helperman.

I ran out of blue marker, so I used green for this chart.

We have one more booth to look at

before awarding the science crown, but between you and me,

I wouldn't leave early.

"Dogs can hear a lot."

I hate dogs.

[yowls]

Me too.

Leonard helperman's booth was by far the best,

don't you agree?

Did you see that fabulous chart he forgot to point out?

He's obviously the winner,

but we must give the appearance of fairness.

Now, go ahead. Present your research.

See this whistle?

[whistle blows]

Now see this whistle?

[buzz]

That's it?

[dogs howling]

Undisciplined savages.

We're not savages!

I-I mean, they're not savages.

They can hear a higher frequency range than you can,

so the whistle hurts their ears.

See?

Say, did you see Leonard's formula for oxygen expulsion

from the plant's epidermal layer?

Hurts ears.

Why does it hurt their ears?

Uh...

The vibration of an object

stimulates an ear's tympanic membrane-- say it!

Oh, wait, I remember.

The vibration of an object

stimulates an ear's tympanic membrane.

The nerve endings in a dog's ears cochlea are more sensitive.

And this difference

helps the preservation of the canine species.

So, partly because of their ears, we still have dogs today.

[muttering]

I think we have a winner.

I knew it! Leonard did a great project!

What?!

Me?! No!

What about Leonard? He's the one who should win.

A dog's ears aren't nearly as important as photosynthesis!

You were the only student who took his own hypothesis

and then, using a notebook, did actual research in the flied.

You didn't just copy out of books, oh, no.

You did what we do, like a true scientist.

Bravo.

Hear hear!

Good job, young man.

A true scientist.

Why are you smiling? You lost.

Your mother couldn't help you.

A true scientist.

Like it?

Oh, mama!

Want a taste?

You better believe I do!

I don't think so.

You didn't help me hoe the soil.

You didn't help me plant the seeds.

You didn't help me mulch the earth.

You didn't help me water. You didn't help me at all!

So now you don't get to help me eat it.

I'm gonna eat it all by myself.

[crunching]

Eech!

You hate birdseed! Who are you kidding?

That was before I tasted them fresh,

off a plant I grew all by myself.

Mmm! Like nothing else in the universe.

[spits]

Eech!

I cannot tell a lie. I do hate them.

Oh, wait, now I've got one stuck in my teeth.

Eech! Help me get it out!

If I help you pick your teeth, will you let me eat the seed?

Okay, open wide.

No breath mints stuck in here, that's for sure.

Aren't science fairs great?

Whatever.

Everybody thinks you won,

but it was actually my work that won!

How many times are we gonna relive this?

So now you're depressed

because even though you're a big man on campus

you know you didn't really earn it.

You're not gonna stop, are you?

Really winning is the satisfaction

that comes from doing your own good work, like I did,

and since you technically won,

nobody's making a big to-do over me,

which is just the way I like it.

[buzz]

I thought that hurts.

It does, but it blocks out the sound of your voice.

You know why? 'Cause the tympanic membrane...

[buzzing]