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1
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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786
♪ A nutty mutt
living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415
♪ But when he'd hear
the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037
♪ It's so weird ♪
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy
♪
15
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665
♪ Turns out he's a
regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ And Leonard is
treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083
♪ Now this bowser's
ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet
is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
29
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,460
I bet you're wondering
30
00:01:28,542 --> 00:01:31,002
why I'm sporting this
mysterious, enigmatic smile
31
00:01:31,083 --> 00:01:33,083
not unlike the one worn
by "Mona Lisa,"
32
00:01:33,166 --> 00:01:35,626
Leonardo da Vinci's
haunting Italian masterpiece.
33
00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:38,039
Yeah, that's exactly
what I was wondering.
34
00:01:38,125 --> 00:01:39,165
Here's a hint.
35
00:01:39,250 --> 00:01:42,040
Tomorrow a certain someone
I know and love,
36
00:01:42,125 --> 00:01:44,625
and I'm not gonna mention
any names,
37
00:01:44,709 --> 00:01:45,919
Leonard...
38
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,710
But that someone, Leonard,
39
00:01:47,792 --> 00:01:50,632
is celebrating a special day,
Leonard,
40
00:01:50,709 --> 00:01:52,539
that only happens
once a year,
41
00:01:52,625 --> 00:01:54,495
and no,
it's not Cinco de Mayo.
42
00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:56,633
Oh, yeah, my birthday.
43
00:01:56,709 --> 00:01:58,629
[mockingly]
"Oh, yeah, my birthday."
44
00:01:58,709 --> 00:02:00,999
Did I just step through a portal
into an alternate universe
45
00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,003
where they don't consider
a birthday
46
00:02:03,083 --> 00:02:05,213
the greatest, most
super-unbelievably special day
47
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:08,251
of all super days
worthy of a huge party?
48
00:02:08,333 --> 00:02:10,543
Actually, I get sort of nervous
around parties.
49
00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:12,625
I'm just gonna do
what I always do--
50
00:02:12,709 --> 00:02:14,039
stay home.
51
00:02:14,125 --> 00:02:16,625
Ha ha ho!
52
00:02:16,709 --> 00:02:18,129
You got me!
53
00:02:18,125 --> 00:02:19,955
Oh-ho, boy!
That was a good one!
54
00:02:20,041 --> 00:02:21,831
"No party," he says.
55
00:02:21,917 --> 00:02:22,997
Ha ha ha ha ha!
56
00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:24,463
I'm serious.
57
00:02:24,542 --> 00:02:26,502
Ha ha--
58
00:02:26,583 --> 00:02:28,793
Leonard, listen to me.
59
00:02:28,875 --> 00:02:30,745
You're turning 10.
60
00:02:30,834 --> 00:02:33,214
10! The big 1-0!
Mr. Decade.
61
00:02:33,291 --> 00:02:35,501
You've won the first battle.
62
00:02:35,583 --> 00:02:39,133
Leonard Helperman, victor over
all single numbers--
63
00:02:39,208 --> 00:02:42,538
okay, not a great appellation,
but it's something.
64
00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:43,995
You got to have a party!
65
00:02:44,083 --> 00:02:45,543
No, I already decided.
66
00:02:45,625 --> 00:02:47,535
I just want a quiet day
at home.
67
00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,245
Hmm. I understand.
68
00:02:49,333 --> 00:02:51,673
A quiet day--
stay home--
69
00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:54,960
actually, it's a good plan...
If you're 80!
70
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:56,251
You're a kid!
71
00:02:56,333 --> 00:02:58,503
Kids celebrate birthdays!
72
00:02:58,583 --> 00:03:02,963
Hats, cake, sad ponies led
around by shellshocked clowns.
73
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:04,581
But I don't want one.
74
00:03:04,667 --> 00:03:06,577
How can you possibly know
what you want, Leonard?
75
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:07,917
You're only 9!
76
00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:09,921
Call it tough love,
my biped friend,
77
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,920
but there's no way I'm letting
you turn 10 without a party.
78
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,290
Leonard's birthday in space!
79
00:03:19,208 --> 00:03:20,628
[bell rings]
80
00:03:20,709 --> 00:03:22,079
Class dismissed.
81
00:03:22,166 --> 00:03:23,166
[yawns]
82
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,710
Rumor around campus is tomorrow
is Leonard's tenth.
83
00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:28,042
Oh, yes.
84
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,075
We're gonna have
a very nice day.
85
00:03:30,166 --> 00:03:32,706
A rented video
and his favorite meal,
86
00:03:32,792 --> 00:03:34,712
fried baloney and rice.
87
00:03:34,792 --> 00:03:37,882
Actually, I was thinking
a party, huh?
88
00:03:37,959 --> 00:03:40,749
I know he secretly
wants one.
89
00:03:40,834 --> 00:03:42,214
You being his best friend,
90
00:03:42,291 --> 00:03:45,041
you might know better what he
secretly wants.
91
00:03:45,125 --> 00:03:46,375
You have my permission
92
00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:48,828
to put together a big special
surprise party
93
00:03:48,917 --> 00:03:50,827
at our house
tomorrow afternoon.
94
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,417
Great!
95
00:03:55,208 --> 00:03:57,328
Yeah, I'm still here.
96
00:03:57,417 --> 00:03:59,167
The best you can do, huh?
97
00:03:59,250 --> 00:04:01,250
Mr. Moonbounce and
Rocket Jumpers
98
00:04:01,333 --> 00:04:03,043
both quoted me a lower price.
99
00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:05,915
Plus, they're throwing in a
balloon arch in three colors.
100
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:08,710
What's that?
Four colors you say?
101
00:04:08,792 --> 00:04:11,792
Ooh, that's a lot of balloons.
I'll get back to you.
102
00:04:11,875 --> 00:04:13,375
Now, let's look up
Mr. Moonbounce
103
00:04:13,458 --> 00:04:15,208
and Rocket Jumpers
and give them a call.
104
00:04:15,291 --> 00:04:16,791
Oh, spot, you're so crafty!
105
00:04:16,875 --> 00:04:19,705
I wouldn't want to sit across
the bargaining table from you.
106
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:22,002
Who do you think taught him to
work the system?
107
00:04:22,083 --> 00:04:24,923
Speaking of which, you blew that
last call, mutt boy.
108
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,540
You could have got him to throw
in a slippy-slide.
109
00:04:27,625 --> 00:04:28,875
[door opens, closes]
110
00:04:28,959 --> 00:04:32,129
Oh, hey, guys.
You seen my football?
111
00:04:32,709 --> 00:04:34,129
Here's the football
112
00:04:34,208 --> 00:04:36,628
and your helmet, pads, Jersey,
cleats, mouthpiece, chin strap.
113
00:04:36,709 --> 00:04:38,919
Take the basketball, too, in
case you get sick of football.
114
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,130
It happened to Europe.
Now go!
115
00:04:41,208 --> 00:04:43,708
Play till bedtime. Ha ha ha ha!
You need your exercise.
116
00:04:47,583 --> 00:04:49,633
Oh, dear. I hope Leonard
didn't get suspicious.
117
00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:51,879
I don't know if I can keep a
secret from him.
118
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,039
I get so nervous.
119
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:54,245
I'll teach you a trick.
120
00:04:54,333 --> 00:04:58,333
Whenever you start to get nervous
over compensate by forcing yourself
to act cool
121
00:04:58,542 --> 00:05:00,132
Act cool? I can do that.
122
00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,498
How are you doin', baby?
What's the haps?
123
00:05:02,583 --> 00:05:03,583
Slap me some feather.
124
00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:06,793
Forget I said anything.
125
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,080
He's coming over!
126
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:12,576
Okay, showtime!
127
00:05:12,667 --> 00:05:15,377
Remember, if you get nervous,
act cool-- except you.
128
00:05:15,458 --> 00:05:16,418
Aah!
129
00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:18,000
Hey, Leonard...
130
00:05:18,083 --> 00:05:20,463
Looks like your hoops practice
is paying off.
131
00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:22,082
Don't you think, pretty boy?
132
00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:24,960
What's wrong with him?
133
00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:27,251
Uh, he's taking a nap
with his eyes open
134
00:05:27,333 --> 00:05:28,793
like in the marines.
135
00:05:28,875 --> 00:05:30,875
I'm sure happy I'm not having
a party.
136
00:05:30,959 --> 00:05:33,249
Now I can go to the park
tomorrow and practice even more.
137
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:35,883
As long as we're
talking about birthdays,
138
00:05:35,959 --> 00:05:37,919
you know, in the abstract,
139
00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,880
I still think you should
have had one.
140
00:05:39,959 --> 00:05:42,039
They're such an all-American
tradition,
141
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,825
the celebration of the fact
you came into the world.
142
00:05:44,917 --> 00:05:46,077
Do you not agree?
143
00:05:46,208 --> 00:05:48,328
I guess it would be nice
to be celebrated,
144
00:05:48,417 --> 00:05:50,877
but think of all the things that
could go wrong.
145
00:05:50,959 --> 00:05:53,999
Suppose no one shows up.
146
00:05:54,083 --> 00:05:56,383
Or suppose you invite only the
cool people
147
00:05:56,458 --> 00:05:58,918
and one of the invitations gets
lost in the mail.
148
00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:01,790
And now that person thinks you
don't think they're cool.
149
00:06:01,875 --> 00:06:03,915
So they take you off their list
of cool people.
150
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,000
And what if you're playing
pin the tail on the donkey
151
00:06:06,083 --> 00:06:07,633
and stick someone with the pin?
152
00:06:07,709 --> 00:06:10,129
What if you slobber
when you blow out the candles
153
00:06:10,208 --> 00:06:12,208
and then no one wants to eat the
cake except Ian?
154
00:06:12,291 --> 00:06:14,211
Or if you have to break the
piñata,
155
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,171
but it's really, really hard
to break.
156
00:06:16,250 --> 00:06:18,460
And everybody gets annoyed
'cause they want candy,
157
00:06:18,542 --> 00:06:20,502
but there is none
because I stink at baseball?
158
00:06:20,583 --> 00:06:22,043
The kid's got a point.
159
00:06:22,125 --> 00:06:24,075
That's why I'm happy I'm not
having one.
160
00:06:24,166 --> 00:06:26,706
A party would be the worst thing
in the whole wide world.
161
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:32,003
Yeah, well, sure.
162
00:06:32,083 --> 00:06:34,173
All that stuff could happen.
163
00:06:34,250 --> 00:06:36,960
Of course, what if all those
things weren't your fault?
164
00:06:37,083 --> 00:06:40,503
I mean, to cite a totally
hypothetical situation,
165
00:06:40,583 --> 00:06:44,083
suppose somebody else sent out
the invitations.
166
00:06:44,166 --> 00:06:47,666
Nobody could blame you for not
thinking they're a cool person.
167
00:06:47,750 --> 00:06:48,790
Right?
168
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:50,995
No! No!
169
00:06:51,083 --> 00:06:52,423
No, no!
170
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:54,960
You are throwing me a surprise
party, aren't you?
171
00:06:55,041 --> 00:06:57,131
No, no, no, no, no.
172
00:06:57,208 --> 00:06:59,038
Yes!
173
00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:01,125
I'm a canary.
What can I say?
174
00:07:01,208 --> 00:07:03,628
How can you throw me
a surprise party?
175
00:07:03,709 --> 00:07:05,129
Who told you I wanted one?
176
00:07:05,208 --> 00:07:07,538
Look, Leonard, it's not gonna
be so bad.
177
00:07:07,625 --> 00:07:08,955
It's gonna be worse.
178
00:07:09,041 --> 00:07:11,001
It's bad enough I have to have
a party,
179
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:13,753
but now I know about it, and
I still have to act surprised.
180
00:07:13,834 --> 00:07:15,754
I'm the stinkiest actor
in the world!
181
00:07:15,834 --> 00:07:19,334
This is gonna be the worst
birthday ever.
182
00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:22,577
All Leonard needs is a good
acting coach.
183
00:07:22,667 --> 00:07:24,917
[clears throat]
I volunteer.
184
00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,500
Puh-lease!
185
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:28,923
What's a hairball machine like
you know about acting?
186
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,380
Excuse me.
187
00:07:30,458 --> 00:07:34,878
I happen to have been in a few
productions in my youth.
188
00:07:34,959 --> 00:07:38,079
[snoring]
189
00:07:42,083 --> 00:07:44,543
[indistinct conversation]
190
00:07:44,625 --> 00:07:47,915
[piano plays]
191
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,250
Excellent party.
192
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,003
You must come to New Delhi
next week
193
00:07:51,083 --> 00:07:53,923
to handle the arrangements for
young Raja's tenth birthday.
194
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,130
[laughing] Oh, thank you,
but I can't.
195
00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:58,458
I only did this for my friend
Leonard.
196
00:08:00,583 --> 00:08:01,503
Oh!
197
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:02,503
Ugh!
198
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,833
Ah, here he comes now.
199
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,787
[all] Surprise!
200
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,080
[all gasp]
201
00:08:11,166 --> 00:08:12,956
[all] Birthday faker!
202
00:08:13,041 --> 00:08:15,581
Faker!
Birthday faker!
203
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:17,457
Wait! Don't go!
204
00:08:17,542 --> 00:08:18,882
We're having cake!
205
00:08:18,959 --> 00:08:20,079
No, thanks.
206
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:22,166
The boy would probably
spit on it.
207
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,040
Aah!
208
00:08:28,125 --> 00:08:30,125
Oh, I can't do that to my friend.
209
00:08:32,041 --> 00:08:34,921
The party's off! We got to call
everyone and cancel!
210
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,000
Where's the list of phone
numbers?
211
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:38,003
Oops.
212
00:08:38,083 --> 00:08:40,253
Here's a four.
213
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:43,828
Okay, let me set the scene.
214
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,627
It's noon. It's hot.
215
00:08:45,709 --> 00:08:49,129
You feel a bead of salty
perspiration run down your face.
216
00:08:49,208 --> 00:08:51,418
The pungent smell
of freshly cut grass
217
00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,670
is mixed with
night-blooming Jasmine.
218
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:56,710
You reach the door.
The handle is cold. It's hard.
219
00:08:56,792 --> 00:08:58,132
What lies beyond?
220
00:08:58,208 --> 00:08:59,878
You slowly open the door.
221
00:08:59,959 --> 00:09:01,169
Surprise!
222
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:04,833
No, that was anguish.
223
00:09:04,917 --> 00:09:07,667
I want surprise.
Do it again.
224
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,290
That was fear.
Again.
225
00:09:11,375 --> 00:09:14,075
Contempt-- again.
226
00:09:14,166 --> 00:09:15,536
No, again.
227
00:09:15,625 --> 00:09:17,205
No, again.
228
00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:18,331
Worse.
229
00:09:18,417 --> 00:09:19,747
It's no use.
230
00:09:19,834 --> 00:09:21,964
I'm a failure as a director.
231
00:09:22,041 --> 00:09:24,631
I can do it.
Just give me one more chance.
232
00:09:24,709 --> 00:09:28,079
You reach the door.
The handle is cold, hard.
233
00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:31,206
What lies beyond?
234
00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:34,001
You slowly open the door.
235
00:09:34,083 --> 00:09:35,213
Surprise!
236
00:09:37,125 --> 00:09:39,325
That was it!
Again!
237
00:09:41,166 --> 00:09:42,916
By jove!
I think he's got it.
238
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:47,917
This is gonna be the greatest
birthday ever!
239
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,290
You guys, he can do it!
240
00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:52,785
Leonard can fake surprise!
Show 'em!
241
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,995
Mmm. That's great, Leonard.
242
00:09:56,083 --> 00:09:58,923
Maybe you can use it on your
11th birthday.
243
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,130
What about my 10th?
244
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:01,378
What about today?
245
00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:03,708
Sorry, bunky, you seemed so
nervous.
246
00:10:03,792 --> 00:10:06,252
So I figured the best present
I could give you
247
00:10:06,333 --> 00:10:07,833
would be to cancel it.
248
00:10:07,917 --> 00:10:10,627
Oh, I guess
that makes sense.
249
00:10:10,709 --> 00:10:11,999
It is what you wanted.
250
00:10:12,083 --> 00:10:14,833
It was hard to get in touch with
everybody so last minute,
251
00:10:14,917 --> 00:10:17,077
but Pretty Boy and I found their
phone numbers.
252
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:19,826
We're gonna have fun though,
right?
253
00:10:19,917 --> 00:10:23,537
Oh-ho! A nice day with videos,
some fried luncheon meat.
254
00:10:23,625 --> 00:10:25,625
Mmm, boy!
Come on!
255
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,079
I've got the VCR ready
to go!
256
00:10:28,166 --> 00:10:30,876
Happy birthday to me.
257
00:10:32,125 --> 00:10:33,535
[all] Surprise!
258
00:10:35,166 --> 00:10:38,326
[all] He didn't know.
That was real.
259
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:40,133
I thought you said--
260
00:10:40,208 --> 00:10:42,708
I wanted it to be
a real surprise.
261
00:10:42,792 --> 00:10:44,792
A slippy-slidey!
262
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:47,205
There must be six different
color balloons there.
263
00:10:47,291 --> 00:10:49,171
You're very close.
264
00:10:53,208 --> 00:10:54,748
[all cheer]
265
00:10:59,333 --> 00:11:01,003
[all cheer]
266
00:11:02,834 --> 00:11:06,214
Aha ha!
Time to blow out the candles.
267
00:11:25,041 --> 00:11:27,631
[laughter]
268
00:12:04,625 --> 00:12:10,075
♪ The sun shines bright
In the old Kentucky home ♪
269
00:12:10,166 --> 00:12:12,076
♪ 'Tis summer ♪
270
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:16,166
♪ The people are gay all day ♪
271
00:12:16,250 --> 00:12:21,170
♪ The corn top's ripe and the
Meadow's in bloom... ♪
272
00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:22,960
Ooh, got my tail in it.
273
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:25,381
That's good. [yawns]
274
00:12:25,458 --> 00:12:28,788
[snoring]
275
00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:31,205
♪ Sing all the day ♪♪
276
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:34,001
♪ Ten tablespoons unsalted butter ♪
277
00:12:34,083 --> 00:12:37,003
♪ Quarter-cup of sugar
And a teaspoon of salt ♪
278
00:12:37,083 --> 00:12:40,083
♪ Lightly knead
Until well-blended ♪
279
00:12:40,166 --> 00:12:42,246
♪ If it goes too dry
To hold together ♪
280
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:44,043
♪ Sprinkle on a few
drops of water ♪
281
00:12:44,125 --> 00:12:45,955
♪ Adding just enough
To bond the morsels ♪
282
00:12:46,041 --> 00:12:48,211
♪ While being careful
Not to overmoisten ♪
283
00:12:48,291 --> 00:12:49,881
♪ Oh... ♪
284
00:12:49,959 --> 00:12:52,669
♪ Mama's little Leonard loves
Shortenin' shortenin' ♪
285
00:12:52,750 --> 00:12:55,040
Mom, do you have to sing
the whole recipe
286
00:12:55,125 --> 00:12:56,665
every time
you make cookies?
287
00:12:56,750 --> 00:12:59,000
Oh, was I singing?
[laughs]
288
00:12:59,083 --> 00:13:03,333
Well, I guess I'm just in
a hip-hop-happy Saturday moo--
289
00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:04,537
what the--
290
00:13:04,625 --> 00:13:05,745
how the--
291
00:13:05,834 --> 00:13:07,254
who the--
292
00:13:07,333 --> 00:13:09,503
well, then where in the--
293
00:13:09,583 --> 00:13:11,633
Eek! A mouse!
294
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:14,999
Gee, I thought
they only said that in cartoons.
295
00:13:15,083 --> 00:13:18,003
You'd be surprised how many
cartoons are based on real life.
296
00:13:18,083 --> 00:13:20,333
Could you two dial it down
a titch?
297
00:13:20,417 --> 00:13:22,497
Some of us need our beauty rest.
298
00:13:25,208 --> 00:13:27,328
[snores]
299
00:13:27,417 --> 00:13:30,917
Pawnbrokers, pedicurists,
personal chefs--
300
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,080
ah-- pest control--
"Bye-Bye-Mouse-Begone."
301
00:13:34,166 --> 00:13:35,536
Hmm.
302
00:13:35,625 --> 00:13:38,955
"Insta-quick immediate same-day
rapid service in a flash."
303
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:41,041
Oh, great.
I'm on hold.
304
00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:43,785
Mom, what do you need to call
them for?
305
00:13:43,875 --> 00:13:46,125
Mr. Jolly can catch
the mouse.
306
00:13:46,208 --> 00:13:47,878
Our Mr. Jolly?
307
00:13:47,959 --> 00:13:49,129
[laughs]
308
00:13:49,208 --> 00:13:51,828
Leonard, honey, your dog
will be quoting Shakespeare
309
00:13:51,917 --> 00:13:53,957
before that cat ever catches
a mouse.
310
00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,211
"Ah, what fools
these mortals be."
311
00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:59,501
He can so catch a mouse.
That's what cats do.
312
00:13:59,583 --> 00:14:02,633
Aw, Lenny,
Mr. Jolly's not a real cat.
313
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:06,629
He's just an ooshy, squishy,
lovety old blob of fur.
314
00:14:06,709 --> 00:14:07,829
[laughs]
315
00:14:07,917 --> 00:14:09,207
Yes, I'll continue to hold.
316
00:14:09,291 --> 00:14:12,041
My wait time is approximately
five minutes.
317
00:14:12,125 --> 00:14:14,035
I bet you
this batch of cookies
318
00:14:14,125 --> 00:14:17,125
that Mr. Jolly can catch that
mouse before you get off hold.
319
00:14:17,208 --> 00:14:19,708
Well, all righty.
320
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:23,632
Mr. Jolly's got exactly five
minutes to catch that mouse.
321
00:14:23,709 --> 00:14:26,539
You might want to wake him up
and let him know.
322
00:14:26,625 --> 00:14:29,125
[snoring]
323
00:14:29,208 --> 00:14:31,958
Hmm!
324
00:14:32,041 --> 00:14:33,381
R-r-eow!
325
00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:39,785
Mmm.
326
00:14:39,875 --> 00:14:40,955
R-Reow!
327
00:14:41,041 --> 00:14:43,921
[Leonard]
Jolly, wake up!
328
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,040
Is the house on fire?!
329
00:14:46,125 --> 00:14:49,165
Save my baby pictures!
Everything else can be replaced!
330
00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,000
There's a mouse
in the house!
331
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:52,003
Eek! Mouse?!
332
00:14:52,083 --> 00:14:54,003
He watches cartoons
all the time.
333
00:14:54,083 --> 00:14:55,423
Don't just stand there!
334
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:58,330
Call those guys in the white
jumpsuits that take it away!
335
00:14:58,417 --> 00:15:00,827
This is your job.
You're the cat.
336
00:15:00,917 --> 00:15:03,917
Leonard, where have you been?
I'm not a real cat.
337
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,420
I'm just an ooshy, squishy,
lovety old blob of fur.
338
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:09,000
Well,
that's what my mom said.
339
00:15:09,083 --> 00:15:10,963
I know.
That's where I got it.
340
00:15:11,041 --> 00:15:13,501
You don't think I really talk
that way? Gracious.
341
00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:16,083
But I bet her
a whole batch of cookies
342
00:15:16,166 --> 00:15:17,666
that you are a real cat,
343
00:15:17,750 --> 00:15:21,040
and now you've got exactly
4 1/2 minutes to prove it.
344
00:15:21,125 --> 00:15:22,875
Cookies, you say?
345
00:15:22,959 --> 00:15:26,209
Why, I'd better get going
right away.
346
00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:27,921
[panting]
Got to catch a mouse.
347
00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:29,960
Got to catch a mouse.
Got to catch a mouse.
348
00:15:30,041 --> 00:15:31,421
[all chanting] Go, Jolly.
Go, Jolly. Go, Jolly.
349
00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:32,960
Go, Jolly. Go, Jolly.
Go, Jolly.
350
00:15:33,041 --> 00:15:34,291
Go, Jolly. Go, Jolly.
Go, Jolly.
351
00:15:34,375 --> 00:15:36,125
[gasping]
352
00:15:36,208 --> 00:15:39,708
I haven't the faintest idea
what I'm doing.
353
00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:41,132
Don't sweat it.
354
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:43,828
You still got 3 minutes
and 59 seconds left to find out.
355
00:15:43,917 --> 00:15:47,287
58... 57... 56... 55--
356
00:15:47,375 --> 00:15:50,035
Stop it! Stop it!
You're driving me crazy!
357
00:15:50,125 --> 00:15:53,285
Is this as much fun for everyone
else as it is for me?
358
00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:54,915
You can do this, Jolly.
359
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,830
You just got to get in touch
with your cat instincts
360
00:15:57,917 --> 00:15:58,997
and follow 'em.
361
00:15:59,083 --> 00:16:01,963
All right, all right,
Mr. Bossy.
362
00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:09,250
I smell something.
363
00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:13,035
[sniffs]
I'm on the trail.
364
00:16:13,125 --> 00:16:16,035
Watch out!
Get out of my way!
365
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:17,955
[growls]
366
00:16:18,041 --> 00:16:20,291
[hisses, sniffs]
367
00:16:20,375 --> 00:16:21,785
You smell the mouse?
368
00:16:21,875 --> 00:16:22,955
[sniffs]
369
00:16:23,041 --> 00:16:25,001
No, I smell the cookies.
370
00:16:25,083 --> 00:16:28,383
Mmm...
Mama Helperman one fine cook.
371
00:16:28,458 --> 00:16:31,128
[squeaking]
372
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,880
There she goes!
373
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:38,209
Who you stalking,
huh, Mr. Pussycat?
374
00:16:38,291 --> 00:16:39,831
You think you can catch
375
00:16:39,917 --> 00:16:41,957
Margarita Sylvita Lupita
Evita Ratocita?
376
00:16:42,041 --> 00:16:44,961
Ha! I laugh in your fat,
furry face
377
00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:47,501
and swish my tail twice
in the region.
378
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:52,210
Ooh, El gato peligroso!
379
00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,881
I am so scared!
380
00:16:54,959 --> 00:16:57,709
I'll show you, missy.
381
00:17:00,166 --> 00:17:03,876
Boo-ya-a-a-a!
382
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:08,793
Did I get her?
383
00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:12,245
No, but you did manage to blow
another minute and five seconds.
384
00:17:12,333 --> 00:17:13,583
Curses.
385
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,327
Where could that rascally
she-rodent have gone?
386
00:17:20,208 --> 00:17:22,708
And no joke-- you're so slow.
387
00:17:22,792 --> 00:17:25,422
What do you know?
Me gotta go!
388
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,830
[groans]
389
00:17:27,917 --> 00:17:30,497
Oh, come on. Who would have
thought of looking there?
390
00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,503
Pbht!
391
00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:36,383
All right, lady.
Now it's personal.
392
00:17:43,375 --> 00:17:46,745
Hasta la vista, baby!
393
00:17:51,041 --> 00:17:52,921
Fine. That's it.
Game over.
394
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,830
I'll never fit in there.
395
00:17:54,917 --> 00:17:56,747
No!
You can do it, Jolly!
396
00:17:56,834 --> 00:17:58,334
Use your vibrissa!
397
00:17:58,417 --> 00:18:00,667
I most certainly will not.
398
00:18:00,750 --> 00:18:03,040
There are children present.
399
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,915
Vibrissa are your whiskers.
400
00:18:06,709 --> 00:18:07,959
You know,
cats' whiskers always grow
401
00:18:08,041 --> 00:18:09,961
to the exact width
of their bodies,
402
00:18:10,041 --> 00:18:12,631
thereby providing them
with an early warning system
403
00:18:12,709 --> 00:18:15,959
so they never go into any spaces
in which they might get stuck.
404
00:18:16,041 --> 00:18:17,461
How fascinating!
405
00:18:17,542 --> 00:18:20,462
How come our ears have those
little notches at the bottom?
406
00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:24,132
Tick, tick, tick, tick. You got
a minute and change left.
407
00:18:24,208 --> 00:18:27,168
I'm going in.
408
00:18:28,417 --> 00:18:31,667
Whiskers, don't fail me now.
409
00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:37,325
I'm in! I see her!
410
00:18:39,750 --> 00:18:41,670
I could just about get her!
411
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:48,630
[Samba music plays]
412
00:18:48,709 --> 00:18:50,169
[Mr. Jolly grunts]
413
00:18:50,250 --> 00:18:51,580
I missed her!
414
00:18:51,667 --> 00:18:53,377
She's sambaing away.
415
00:18:53,458 --> 00:18:57,248
[music continues]
416
00:19:01,291 --> 00:19:04,251
Okay, I think we may have to
call in
417
00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,253
the emergency rescue team.
418
00:19:06,333 --> 00:19:08,043
It's okay.
We got you covered, pal.
419
00:19:08,125 --> 00:19:09,455
[spits]
420
00:19:09,542 --> 00:19:11,082
On "three."
421
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:15,206
One... two...
422
00:19:20,375 --> 00:19:23,075
Well, the good news is,
in less than a minute,
423
00:19:23,166 --> 00:19:24,916
this humiliation
will all be over.
424
00:19:25,000 --> 00:19:27,920
At least the chasing-the-mouse
part will be over.
425
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,790
The part where I never let you
live it down will go on and on
426
00:19:30,875 --> 00:19:33,125
for as long
as it cracks me up.
427
00:19:33,208 --> 00:19:35,628
I will not be the butt
of your jokes!
428
00:19:35,709 --> 00:19:37,919
I will not be made a fool of
by a mouse!
429
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:41,170
I am cat, hear me roar!
430
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:44,710
R-r-r-r-r-eow!
431
00:19:45,792 --> 00:19:48,832
[motor roaring]
432
00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:53,576
[glass breaking]
433
00:20:03,125 --> 00:20:05,915
[bell dings]
434
00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:09,457
And that's the ballgame,
folks.
435
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,832
Oh...[sobs]
436
00:20:11,917 --> 00:20:13,707
Are you okay, Mr. Jolly?
437
00:20:13,792 --> 00:20:15,712
I've failed you, Leonard.
438
00:20:15,792 --> 00:20:19,752
I wanted to be a cat for you,
kid, but, oh, look at me.
439
00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:20,924
[sighs]
440
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,790
I couldn't even catch
a mouse.
441
00:20:23,875 --> 00:20:26,705
I'm no good to nobody
for nothin'!
442
00:20:26,792 --> 00:20:28,882
[all] Aw!
443
00:20:30,917 --> 00:20:32,917
Pobrecito fur blob.
444
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,710
[sniffles]
445
00:20:42,250 --> 00:20:44,330
What do you want?
446
00:20:44,417 --> 00:20:45,537
Jeez.
447
00:20:45,625 --> 00:20:48,325
You're the most pathetic kitty
I ever met.
448
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:53,287
Don't hurt me!
They made me do it!
449
00:20:53,375 --> 00:20:55,955
Aw, just shut up
and open your mouth!
450
00:20:56,041 --> 00:20:59,131
Actually, that would be
technically imposs--
451
00:21:01,291 --> 00:21:02,631
there.
452
00:21:02,709 --> 00:21:04,999
Oh!
453
00:21:05,083 --> 00:21:08,833
Well, Leonard, hmm,
five minutes is up.
454
00:21:08,917 --> 00:21:09,997
I'm finally off hold,
455
00:21:10,083 --> 00:21:13,213
and the Bye-Bye-Mouse-Begone
people are all set to--
456
00:21:13,291 --> 00:21:14,831
[fanfare plays]
457
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:18,206
Mr. Jolly!
Look at you!
458
00:21:18,291 --> 00:21:19,831
[laughs]
459
00:21:19,917 --> 00:21:23,787
Oh, I'm afraid we won't be
needing your services after all.
460
00:21:23,875 --> 00:21:25,995
We have a cat!
[laughs]
461
00:21:26,083 --> 00:21:28,003
-Yay! All right!
-Go, Mr. Jolly!
462
00:21:28,083 --> 00:21:30,383
And now I'm gonna make
my mouser
463
00:21:30,458 --> 00:21:33,418
a nice, big bowl
of salmon-and-liver treats.
464
00:21:35,834 --> 00:21:38,714
[crickets chirping]
465
00:21:41,792 --> 00:21:43,882
Mm-mmm!
466
00:21:43,959 --> 00:21:45,669
Mr. Jolly,
I've been thinking.
467
00:21:45,750 --> 00:21:48,080
It was wrong of me
to try and make you be
468
00:21:48,166 --> 00:21:50,076
what I thought
a cat ought to be
469
00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:51,916
instead of
what you really are.
470
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,500
I'm sorry.
471
00:21:53,583 --> 00:21:54,923
You know, I'm not.
472
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:57,250
Sometimes it takes
the humiliation
473
00:21:57,333 --> 00:22:00,633
and utter degradation
of trying to be what you aren't
474
00:22:00,709 --> 00:22:03,289
in order to appreciate
what you really are.
475
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:05,825
I may be an old fur blob,
Leonard,
476
00:22:05,917 --> 00:22:08,787
but, by golly,
I'm a fantastic old fur blob,
477
00:22:08,875 --> 00:22:10,705
don't you think?
478
00:22:10,792 --> 00:22:14,132
It's your world, baby.
I'm just living in it.
33970
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