Original subtitles

♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪

-♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪

♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪

♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪

♪ He'd start to drool ♪

-♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪

♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪

♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪

♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪

-♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪

♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪

♪ He's so over just being rover ♪

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ It's so weird ♪ ♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪

♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪

♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪

Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?

Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.

♪ I want to be a boy ♪

I hate dogs.

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪

I do not wish to be a dog.

♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪

♪ I got to be a boy ♪

♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪

♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪

Yes!

[crickets chirping]

[birds singing]

Mmm, what day is it?

[yawns] I don't know.

Saturday?

-Saturday?! -Saturday?!

Well, you two slug-a-beds just missed

a fabulous new gelatin commercial.

Darn!

Snooze-a-voo, you lose-a-voo.

You know they're gonna show it, like, eight more times

in the next hour.

Shh. Show's on.

[all] "The Sorta Sick Adventures Of Wormface And Skelebony"!

[Rock music plays]

♪ We're so stupid ♪

♪ It's amazing ♪

♪ We will drive your parents crazy ♪

♪ We're obnoxious ♪

♪ We're so gross ♪

♪ We'll fry your brains If you sit too close ♪

♪ Every lesson we teach is wrong ♪

♪ We're not even gonna finish This stupid-- ♪

[explosion]

[laughing]

What are you idiots gibbering about?

Hurry up, Pretty Boy. Your favorite show's on.

You're missing all the unnecessary,

over-the-top violence.

You know how you love that.

I love nothing! I love no one!

Here's what I say to unnecessary violence.

[grunting]

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

There's that gelatin commercial we've been waiting for.

[man] ♪ Fabulous gelatin! ♪

-[snap] -Ugh.

Oh, fine.

Pretty Boy cops a mood, we all have to suffer.

What's gotten into you, anyway?

I think I know.

Could it be that time of year?

Does someone have premigrational syndrome?

You know nothing! You know no one!

[all] Mm-hmm!

I'm a canary. I don't migrate.

I live in a cage in a house with an annoying family.

I don't have those stupid biological urges

other stupid birds have-- to spread their stupid wings

and fly out into the stupid world.

Hmm.

[bird singing]

Ugh!

Ugh!

Must... fly... free.

[jazz music playing]

Hey, bro.

What you doin' cooped up in the house?

It's an outstandin' day.

Get your tail feathers out here, grab a piece of the wind,

and fly free, baby.

[music continues]

[munching]

[buzzing]

[whistling]

Mayday! Mayday!

We're starting to lose him!

Leonard, shut the curtains-- stat!

Oh, dear! Oh, me!

Gee whiz. Every single fall.

Why does this have to happen?

[grunts] It's an animal thing.

We can't resist our natural urges.

Ooh! Catastrophe! Ooh! Cataclysm!

Must lick my paw and wash behind my ears.

Perfect example.

Why else would anyone do that at a time like this?

What are we gonna do?

We've got to stop him!

But it's not gonna be easy.

These biological urges are nothing to sneeze at.

Ah-choo! Ah-choo!

[groans]

We are pathetic.

[gags]

Ahh... I think that's it for now.

All right, here's our plan--

we set up a full-house perimeter guard

until this urge to fly free passes.

We post ourselves at key points of potential flight exit here,

here, and here.

One of us is always awake and alert

while the other two take turns sleeping, eating...

Using the little boys' box?

Whatever.

Uh, guys?

Darn. And it was such a good plan.

Awk! Awk!

[crows]

This is awk-some!

Look at me, Jolly!

I'm flying!

[whistling]

Oh, he'll never survive!

He's way too small and arrogant!

But how will we ever get him back?

I'm thinking, I'm thinking.

[gnawing] Darn those annoying instincts!

Oh, my poor, deluded little amigo.

The things he could smash into.

Ow!

A freshly cleaned plate-glass window

could snap your tiny, hollow neck just like that!

Smack!

Into the grill of some speeding S.U.V. With its careless,

cellphone-yakking, bottled-water drinking driver.

[sobs]

An accident like that

would pulverize his itty-bitty body into gelatin--

like on that incredible commercial

he'll probably never get to see now.

Uh, what say we just flip on the TV?

And the predators! Oh, my soul!

Owls and hawks!

Alley cats who leap out of trash cans,

eager to gobble up a poor little birdie

as if he were just so many tuna tenders!

Mmm, that sounds good.

Say, uh, Leonard, I wonder if you'd be good enough

to open me just a small can of--

no.

What kind of shallow, fair-weather friend

thinks of food at a time like this?

Not I.

I swear with you as my witness

I will not eat again until you go out there

and bring Pretty Boy to his cage once more.

[gurgling]

Please hurry.

Come on! Let's go!

Be right there.

Now, Jolly, I've got a blank tape all queued up.

If the gelatin commercial comes on, run to the VCR

and press "play" and "record"-- got that?

You've got to push both buttons at the same time.

Press "play" and...Something.

Forgive me.

My brain is a little fuzzy from all this not eating.

Mm-hmm.

From the top...

Step lively, Leonard. You're wasting precious time.

You're the time waster.

I'm not the one who just spent 20 minutes

trying to teach a cat how to use the VCR.

Look how much time you just wasted by telling me that.

Look how much time you wasted yelling at me for wasting time.

[inhales deeply]

Let's just proceed, shall we?

Now, if I could fly anywhere, where would I fly?

[sizzling]

Ooh!

Ooh! Hot! Hot!

Aah!

Aah!

[crash]

Well, it looked pretty good on paper.

[engine sputtering]

Okay, now me, and then Wilbur.

What?

How much longer are you going to stand here

staring at the sky, wasting time?

[gasps, chuckles]

Moving right along.

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack...

Ugh!

Awk! Awk!

[laughs]

What about all that time we wasted

for you to put on your pants and glasses and stupid beanie?

It's Saturday! There's no school!

You could've just been a dog!

You don't like my beanie? You think it's stupid?

You mean-- let me understand this,

'cause, I don't know, maybe it's me--

I'm a little worried about a flyaway canary here--

but my beanie is stupid how?

Stupid like a clown? My beanie amuses you?

What do you mean, "stupid"? Stupid how?

How is my beanie stupid?!

I think we're just both a little worked up here,

not to mention wasting time-- your fault, not mine.

So let's just forget it and look for Pretty Boy, okay?

As I was saying, if I could fly anywhere,

et cetera, et cetera, et cetera...

Saying "et cetera" three times wasted a lot more time

[growls] Than if you had just--

all right. Now I'm getting a little picky.

Whoa!

I tell ya, free bird, this is a tad more strenuous

than flying from a swinging bar to a little red plastic mirror.

I'm feelin' wing muscles I never knew I had.

Want to give it a little rest, man?

Oy, I could plotz.

No, dude! Not--

[electricity crackling]

Ooh! Ooch! Ouch! Ooh!

Aah!

I tried to warn you, buddy.

My bad.

Boy, it's a good thing Mr. Jolly ain't here to see this.

He'd be fussin' and moanin'

and washin' me down from beak to tail.

I can't quite reach that tail feather back there.

Could I impose on you to, uh...?

Me?! Touch another bird's tail?!

Canary, this is the wild!

Every bird for himself!

And that's what I love about it.

[growling]

Oh, my heavens.

There's some horrible, growling beast loose,

the there's no one here to help m-e-e-e!

Wait-- that is me.

Ooh, hush, my darling. I'm sure they'll find him soon.

Ple-e-e-ase.

Oh, the heck with this darned feather.

There-- go bug someone else.

I give up. We're never gonna find him.

If only we had some kind of clue.

Come, Dr. Watson! The game is afoot!

What?

Sherlock Holmes-- you know--

his faithful assistant, Dr. Watson.

He, uh...I've got to set up a summer reading program for you.

Let's go!

Well, now, that's kooky.

He never lets his chow sit this long.

Mr. Jolly!

Foodies!

D-D-Don't-- don't listen, Jolly.

You made a promise not to eat, hmm?--

until Pretty Boy comes safely home once more.

What were you thinking?!

Thataway! Let's go!

[crash, both groan]

Eesh! That smarts.

Thisaway! Let's go!

[all] Aah!

[tires screech]

Whoa!

I thought this stuff was only supposed to happen to birds.

Oh no. Sometimes the world can be a dangerous place

to us higher life-forms as well.

[whistling]

From now on, we'll have to watch where we're going

and use our wits.

Light bulb!

Why didn't I think of using my wits before?

Duh!

If I know Pretty Boy Helperman, and I think I do,

then right about now he's starting to feel...

A bit peckish.

Come on free bird.

What say we go below for a real snackarino?

You're supposed to be a worm, man, so wiggle!

My pinkie is tired!

Your pinkie is tired?

What does your pinkie do all day that it has to be tired now,

when we need it most?

Now, wiggle, I say!

[laughing] Stop it! Not fair!

Worm at 12:00.

Not exactly sugar water and a caraway-seed bell,

but I guess that's the price of freedom!

[Whistling]

[Leonard] Ow!

Ow!

Ow!

[Scott] Shh!

I know that "ow" and "shush."

Whose beanie is stupid now,

Mr. Leonard "Smarty-Pants" Helperman?

Ooh! [coughs]

What the-- sheesh.

You look like something the fly dragged in.

We've been looking for you everywhere!

[clicking]

Mr. Jolly won't eat until you come home.

But he loves his food.

He loves his friend more.

Yeah, well, we love our freedom,

don't we, Pretty Boy?

You'd have to be a bird to get it.

Come on, brother. Let's fly!

Now what do we do?

I guess if we're real friends,

we have to stop thinking about what we want

and start thinking about what he wants.

Plus, on a more practical note,

short of getting a moving ladder that could reach the clouds,

what can we do?

I guess we wave goodbye and wish him well.

Goodbye, Pretty Boy!

Good luck!

Goodbye!

See?

They can't deny the freedom bug, man.

They feel it. They know it.

Give them a little wave back.

Bye, guys.

Was that them?

Was that... was that...

Oh, now I'm hallucinating from the hunger.

We had to let him go, Leonard.

It's only natural.

You know-- fish got to swim and birds got to fly.

I got to--

well, I got to put on pants and glasses and go to school,

so who's to say what's really natural in this wacky world?

But you get the drift.

I still say if we hadn't wasted so much time

waiting for you to get dressed, he wouldn't have had a chance--

would you give it a rest?

You're like a regular little terrier on the subject.

Mm-mmm!

Mr. Jolly, mommy made a salmon mousse

for her finicky little eater!

[screeches]

I made a promise!

It's a... stupid promise, I know.

But maybe whoever it is up there who listens to promises

takes this kind of thing seriously

and will never bring Pretty Boy back if I break my promise

and eat the warm... juicy... delicious--

Oh, ho-- oh, I'm only one cat!

[spits]

Ha!

Well, phooey!

You never said no to salmon mousse before.

Maybe we should take your temperature.

[squealing]

All right, all right.

I'll take it later when you're asleep.

Oh, great.

Now I won't be able to eat or sleep.

Oh, joy!

They're back! They're back!

You found him! Oh, yay!

Wait a minute. What-- where is he?

He's not here.

Yes, I picked up on that

from the conspicuous absence of feathers and tweeting,

but, uh, where is he?!

Pretty Boy decided to be free.

Oh, okay, I suppose that's a choice many creatures of the cage might make

given the opportunity.

Perfectly understandable. Natural. Logical.

Reasonable. Perhaps even... commendable.

[sobbing] But did you tell him

I'm not e-e-e-eating?

[hisses]

I hope the bag of dirty feathers chokes on his freedom,

because his best friend is going to die of starvation!

Mr. Jolly, you just made this whole hunger-strike thing up.

Whether you starve or not won't make any difference,

so you might as well go eat.

Well, I believe I will, by golly, by gosh.

[clock ticking]

[sobbing] I miss him too much to e-e-eat!

Boy, oh, boy.

That sunset's a lot bigger than it looks

from behind the bars of a dopey cage

through dopey, partially opened drapes--

if the dopey shutters are tilted

so any dopey light can even come in at all.

I miss my dopey home.

I miss my dopey friends.

Yeah, yeah. Whatever. Who cares?

Quit flappin' your beak,

and let's head for those trees-- pronto.

What's the rush?

The rush is, night's fallin', man-- night.

Heard of it?

When the owls come out and the coyotes

and the snakes and the alley cats and... owls!

You already said that.

No-- owls-- right behind you!

[hooting]

Aah!

N-Nice birdie!

Jeez! You didn't tell me about this part!

Migration's a lonely thing, man.

I wanted some company. [chuckles]

You think I'm gonna advertise the horrible downside?

Ha. My mama didn't raise a fool.

Well, apparently my mother did. So what do we do now?

If we just huddle very quietly, maybe we'll get lucky,

and none of our millions of natural predators

will hear us shivering here in the dark.

At least it's sort of pretty when the stars come out.

Uh, those aren't stars, man.

[owls hooting and screeching]

Well, then what are they?

The glowing eyes of our millions of natural predators?

Are you kidding?!

You made me leave my warm, safe, loving, dopey home for this?!

I hereby resign from the natural order of wildlife.

I'm outta here!

I wonder where Pretty Boy is.

I wonder what he's doing right now.

[growling]

There it is!

I made it!

My little house! My little roof! My little yard!

My little open window!

Ugh.

What was that?

Look!

[all] Pretty boy!

[all] You're back!

I see you washed the window since I left.

Nice. [coughs]

Carry me... to my seed bell.

Oh...my friend.

My dear, good friend.

My dear, good [sniffs] tasty-smelling...

I-I swore an oath of hunger till you returned.

I picked up on that.

Now, stop looking at me like I'm a B.L.T.

And put me back in my cage, will ya?

Ahh.

I'm home, Auntie Em, and this is my cage!

And if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again,

I'll just remember

the grass seed may be greener on the other side of the fence,

but there sure ain't friends like you out there.

So next time try a little harder, would ya?!

I was almost killed out there!

That's for letting me get away!

That's for not talkin' me out of it!

That's for waving goodbye

when you should've held me in your stupid beanie!

That's for wearing that stupid beanie in the first place!

Hello, Pretty Boy. Welcome home.

And now, if you'll excuse me...

Mmm! Salmon mousse!

Even better cold, stale, and crusty.

Ahh.

That's the way I like it.

[man] ♪ Fabulous gelatin! ♪

Drat!

Well, I'll catch it next Saturday.