Original subtitles

♪ Born on the wrong end Of the leash ♪

-♪ He was a dreamer ♪ -♪ And a little schemer ♪

♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪

♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪

♪ He'd start to drool ♪

-♪ One day he says ♪ -♪ I'll take a chance ♪

♪ Trades his leash For a pair of pants ♪

♪ In a glance, school becomes His favorite pastime ♪

♪ I have buried a bone For the last time ♪

-♪ He says ♪ -♪ I want to be a boy ♪

♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪

♪ He's so over just being rover ♪

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪

♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪

♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪

Why can't I be a normal kid like any other?

Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.

♪ I want to be a boy ♪

I hate dogs.

♪ I gotta be a boy ♪

♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪

I do not wish to be a dog.

♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪

♪ I got to be a boy ♪

♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪

♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪

Yes!

Good morning, students.

I have an inordinately exciting announcement for you all today.

Are they closing the school because of an asbestos scare?

No, better than that.

Today marks the beginning of the president of the senate's

"National Reading is Good For You" month.

[coughs]

Now I know what you're thinking.

Who wants to devote an entire month to reading?

Who cares if our student body

outperforms the rest of the state?

I don't want our school to win new playground equipment.

Playground equipment?

You heard that right!

The board of education has promised me

that if you better the state average of 1,000 books read

and 1,000 book reports written by the end of the month,

we will get a new four-square court.

[all] Yay!

In fact, I'll bet you can read 1,500 books

and get a new curvy sliding board

with cut-in-half truck tires and chain-ladder thingy.

[all] Yeah!

[chanting] Read, read!

I even bet you could read 2,000 books this month!

[girl] No! No we can't!

Yes, you can! I believe in you.

And if we do this together,

if the school reads and writes reports on 2,000 books--

What do we get then? A working roller coaster?

No, I'm afraid the board of education

can't budget anything over the tire-slide deal.

[all] Aw, man!

But just to show I'm in this with you,

if you can do it,

I-I will shave my very own head.

Meow!

[all] Yeah!

And not only that, I will paint said bald head...

Purple!

[all] Yeah!

[all chanting] Strickler, Strickler, Strickler!

[thinking] Look at them, Cubby. They love you.

Yep, you are some kind of great principal.

Got a little carried away at the end there, but no harm.

You won't have to shave your head and paint it purple.

[Scott] Excuse me, sir!

Yes? Who is that?

Scott Leadready.

Sir, I applaud you on your bold challenge.

I will ensure your reading challenge is not only met,

nay, but far surpassed.

Even if I have to read every other book myself.

[audience gasps]

That's nice.

That was some promise you made in front of the whole school.

I was really impressed.

I'm glad somebody was.

Can you believe that ungrateful principal?

I vow to make this school a champion,

soaring to heights of hyperbole

ridiculous even by my own standards,

and I all I get is, "that's nice."

Sometimes I think the man doesn't even know my name.

Scott Leadready. Scott Leadready!

How could I forget him?

Scott Leadready will probably read 2,000 books on his own!

Where does that kid get off being so smart?

Aah!

[yowls]

Scott, how would you like to be

my Special Junior-Deputy Vice-Principal

in charge of reading and reporting motivational affairs?

Me?

I want you to stay close by my side throughout the month,

keep the library functioning at tip-top speed,

and tally the reading output of your fellow students.

It's a very important and time-consuming position.

Are you with me?

Oh, sir, I'm overwhelmed. It's such an honor to --

do I get a special name badge for my shirt?

Covered in plastic.

Then the answer is yes!

You and me together! All for one and one for all!

Just like "The Three Musketeers" by Alexander Dumas Père.

He's the author whose collected works

I'm going to read and report on tonight.

Good.

Uh, you can read this later.

Right now I've got some important forms

I want you to fill out.

Triplicate?! Pinch me!

You won't regret giving me this job, sir.

I know I won't.

Fellow bibliophiles...

I present to you the Fala D. Roosevelt Elementary

reading and reporting challenge progress thermometer.

"Why a thermometer?" You may ask.

Because, my friends, reading is like a virus

that infects you with the high fever of learning,

accompanied by the cotton mouth of accomplishment

and the occasional intestinal distress --

[burps]

Well, let's get on with it, huh?

Has everyone read and reported on their three books for today?

[all] Yeah!

[bell dings]

[all] Yeah! Whoo!

And, Scott, I'm sure you have at least six book reports.

Uh, not quite.

I was up all night building the thermometer.

I only had time to read one book.

"How to build a giant thermometer."

Well, that's all right. I'm sure you'll read more.

Don't forget-- we can't do it without you.

And read and write I shall!

[all] Yeah!

Just as soon I read your reports

and write my reports on your reports.

Ha ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha!

[bell dinging]

[whistling]

[maniacal laughter]

[bell dings]

Here-- number 1,500!

"My first little big lots-of-fun pop-up book"!

We got a new sliding board!

And a biohazard team.

Congratulations, students.

And kudos to my protégé,

Special Junior Vice-Principal Scott Leadready,

for his exemplary work.

Thank you.

And now on to the next step.

We have four days left to get to 2,000 books.

Are we gonna do it?

[all] Sure. I guess so. Yeah.

Not as lusty as I'd like, but I'll take it.

Keep up the good work, folks.

[all] Whoo. Yeah. Yay. Whoo.

[bell rings]

Well, well, well.

If it isn't junior-deputy snake-in-the-grass

Scott Seadready.

Hey, easy on the suit. I just had it cleaned.

You promised you would help us reach our goal,

and you let us down.

[all] Yeah.

But I have been keeping my promise.

I organized the library, counted the reports,

and don't forget my thermometer.

It looks just like the one in the book.

Yeah, and that's the only book you've read all month, Scott.

Look, Scott, we know your heart's in the right place,

but you're so buddy-buddy with Strickler now

that you don't realize the truth.

He gave you that job to stop you from reading

so he wouldn't have to shave his head and paint it purple.

No! No, you're lying!

Our principal is a great man who wants his students to excel,

and I am absolutely, positively not too buddy-buddy with Cubby.

I mean, Crosby.

I mean --

oh...

I just can't believe it's true.

There's only one way to find out.

That's preposterous!

I want my students to read and read plenty of books.

Just not 2,000 books.

I'm weak!

Forgive me!

I want my students to learn. I just don't want a purple head.

Is that so bad?

[sobbing]

Oh, stop. Look at yourself.

This isn't the Cubby I know.

[crying]

A guy like me can't change!

I'm a bad man!

Now stop that!

You're not a bad man!

You're a... moderately good man

and a good principal.

You got this entire school excited about reading, and why?

Because you made a promise,

and you said we were in this together.

Well, we still are.

The students have lived up to their promise,

and now you have to live up to yours.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

there's a locker full of unread books waiting for me.

[glass shatters]

Heh heh heh.

287 books in one night?

"Oliver Twist" by Charles Dickens is a classic...

"The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" by Mark Twain

is a great American novel...

"10,001 Frog Names" is a mordantly witty treatise...

[snoring]

[all] 1,997...

1,998...

1,999!

[all gasp]

1,999?!

That's impossible!

I read exactly 287 books last night.

I checked the thermometer before I --

[gasps] Strickler!

Heh heh heh heh heh!

I failed you twice.

Once be being suckered in by our principal,

and again by thinking

I had shown him the way to redemption.

Oh!

And there's only 20 seconds left.

There's no way we can come up

with another book report by then.

Yes, we can!

Cubby, you did it!

You searched your soul!

[alarm rings]

We did it!

[cheering]

[buzzing]

Aah!

[cartoon sound effects playing]

[laughter]

[laughter]

Honey-poo...

Haven't you seen this one about nine times?

Oh, well, I just wanted to let you know the mail came.

The new slicker edge catalog is here.

The slicker edge catalog! Oh, boy! Oh, boy!

I wonder what kind of slicker and edgier things

they have this month.

Robobark, the automated attack dog,

a solar-powered outdoor icemaker and barbecue set.

Oh, wow!

Mom, check it out!

Steel Saber.

Why that's just a little old put-put scooter.

What is so slick and edgy about that?

The Steel Saber is aerodynamically designed

to go faster than the skateboard.

[coughing]

It's b-1 shocks can take moguls better than a mountain bike.

Wheels and handlebars come in five hot-florescent colors.

And the whole ride folds up to fit in your backpack.

That's what's so slick and edgy about it.

Please, mom? Please?

Can I get it? Huh? Can I?

Well, heck in a handbag. I had no idea.

I suppose I could buy one for you.

Yeah! All right!

But, you know, it would be ever so much more meaningful

if you earned the money yourself.

Aah!

I'll never be able to do that.

Oh, don't be a "can't do," Lenny.

Be a "can do."

When I was a little girl,

there was something I wanted more than anything

in the whole wide world,

a "Little Miss Big Girl Mommy's Helper Cookie Baker Oven."

Oh, please, Mommy! Please?

If I don't get

a Little Miss Big Girl Mommy's Helper Cookie Baker Oven,

I'll never grow up to be a responsible and loving

wife and mother.

At least that's what the commercial says.

Okey-dokey artichokey, young lady.

You earn the money, and it's yours.

But how? Oh, I'll never--

now don't be a "can't do," Mary Lou.

Just put on your thinking cap and figure out how you can.

So I put on my thinking cap-- hello!--

which for me was a lovely rhinestone tiara

I had earned by saving

three books worth of trading stamps.

Ha ha! Oh, but that's another story --

and hatched a superific plan.

My future was coming up lemons.

And a mere six months later, viola!

I had earned enough for the oven.

It was the greatest day of my 10-year-old life.

So, go sell your lemonade.

And if you earn the money for the scooter,

I'll pop for the matching helmet and kneepads.

Then you'll be stylin' in safety.

Hoo-ha! Ha ha ha ha!

I hate when she tries to be slick and edgy.

Yeah, it just makes her look stiff and stodgy.

This is so great!

Sell some lemonade, buy a scooter.

The elegance of its simplicity makes one wonder

why no one ever thought of it before.

Lemonade! Come and get your lemonade!

Scooter or bust!

So sour your lips will sting!

We've got pulp!

Scooter or bust!

Shoot! There goes that great plan.

Now I'll never get my scooter.

Hey, where are you going?

I'm gonna drown my sorrow in a big glass of chocolate milk.

Mother of invention, thy name is Leonard!

But, of course, chocolate!

The same elixir that was served to emperors and gods

in the new world.

Considered a great delicacy by the Aztecs.

A favorite of Montezuma.

Of course, it's poison to dogs, but they're not our clientele.

Follow me!

So we've got chocolate, hazelnut, ice,

a little sugar, egg white for protein, cinnamon,

all blended and frothed.

And voilà!

A fresh 'n' frozey chocolaccino!

We're gonna be rich!

Hey, guys.

What are you selling?

Oh, nothing.

Just the one and only, truly original,

blended-chocolate drink of the gods.

Ahh!

Oh, my goodness!

That's the most delicious thing I've ever tasted!

Can I have some more?

Sure you can.

50 cents for regular, 75 for large,

and a dollar for our multi grande grande

in a frosted recyclable plastic cup.

Okay, let me go get some money out of my jar,

and I'll be right back.

It's gonna dip into my scooter fund, but it's worth it.

Hey, everyone!

You've got to taste Leonard and Scott's

fresh 'n' frozey chocolaccinos! They're so yummy!

Hey, I was here first.

This is way better than lemonade!

Oh, gosh! This is delicious!

I'll take two regulars.

Oh, gosh! Extra foam!

I want one! Extra multi grande!

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Look at this.

We're on a rocket sled to scooter town.

Uh-oh!

We're almost out of everything except ice.

We better close the stand and go buy more ingredients.

Close the stand with customers waiting in line?

Why, that's downright un-American!

I'd like two chocolaccinos, please.

Me, too.

Excuse us for a moment.

Listen -- we've got the public clamoring for our product.

If we shut down now, we risk losing them.

And then we'll never get our scooter.

Our scooter?

I thought it was my scooter.

And what am I supposed to do, pull you around by my leash?

That sounds like fun.

Yeah, well, forget it.

What do I look like, Yukon Spot the mush dog?

Hey, are you guys selling chocolaccinos or what?

Be right with you, sir. Service is my middle name.

It is, really.

What to do -- must think.

Light bulb -- I've got the answer!

Close down the stand, take our profits,

and go buy some more supplies?

No, we'll use our Yankee ingenuity

and make do with what we got.

We'll double the price!

You can't serve these people ice.

Watch me.

Ladies and gentlemen,

I know you came here and waited all this time in a big long line

just so you could purchase a calorie-laden, caffeinated,

disgustingly sweet drink

that would lay on your stomach like a bucket of lard,

clog your veins, and add inches to your already ample hips.

Instead may I entice you to be among the first to try

our brand-new-and-improved, revolutionary, incredible,

zero-calorie diet iceaccino light.

And what's more, it provides over 50 percent

of your minimum daily water requirements.

And as you know, our bodies are 98 percent water.

So 50 percent of 98 percent -- well, you do the math.

You body'll thank you for it!

Step up now while supplies last.

Wow, they're actually happy.

Happy is my middle name.

I thought you told that guy it was service.

It is -- Scott Happy Service Leadready II.

What did I tell you?

It's like taking chew toys from a puppy.

There you go. Enjoy.

Bottoms up, salud, le'Chaim and all that good stuff.

Whoo-hoo! Look at all this money!

You were so totally right!

I'll bet we have enough for two scooters,

and it only took us a day.

You are the greatest businessman ever!

And do you know why, Leonard?

No, but I have a feeling you're gonna tell me.

Because I embody the entrepreneurial spirit

that makes the free market soar!

You mean sell them lousy product

because they're not smart enough to notice the difference.

As entrepreneur extraordinaire P.T. Barnum

is incorrectly supposed to have said,

"there's a sucker born every minute."

Hey, I want my money back!

Why?

Because I don't like this stuff!

Why not?

Because it's all ice and no "cino."

He's right. I can make this at home!

We've been ripped off!

Whoa! Look at the time. I'm sorry. We're closed.

Come back tomorrow.

Oh, no, you don't!

You boys aren't going anywhere until you refund all our money!

Of course, we aren't. Leonard, what were you thinking?

Give the nice people their money back.

How much did you make?

17 bucks.

Hey, come on, bunky. Buck up.

We'll just open up tomorrow with fresh ingredients

and get those scooters in no time flat.

Are you kidding? Our reputations are shot.

No one will ever buy another blended drink from us again.

Didn't you hear what they were calling us?

Yes, I did.

And I have to say I thought Scott Lie-ready II

and Leonard help-yourself-to-our-money-man

were a little over the top.

If only there were some way to regain their trust.

Wait a minute!

Light bulb!

On, no! Not another light bulb!

Yes, and this one's twice as incandescent, wattage-laden,

and energy-efficient as the last one.

And it powers a very clever little product.

Get your free cookies!

Fresh and hot from the original

Little Miss Big Girl Mommy's Helper Cookie Baker Oven!

That's right, folks.

I said, "free."

It's still warm.

Just like when I was a kid.

And they're free.

You guys are great!

Well, there it is, Leonard.

Though I rarely make mistakes, this one was a doozy.

I horribly misinterpreted the entrepreneurial spirit.

It turns out it's not about making a quick buck,

but about creating a reliable product,

and then upholding its quality and integrity.

It's about keeping all your dealings,

whether business or personal, on the up and up.

And treating your customers

with all the openness and honesty they so richly deserve.

Say, you don't happen to have any milk, do you?

Milk?

That's right, folks.

Step right up and get a nice, tall glass

of good, wholesome milk.

Then again, there's nothing wrong

with identifying a market need and then satisfying it.