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1
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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786
♪ A nutty mutt
living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415
♪ But when he'd hear
the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037
♪ It's so weird ♪
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy
♪
15
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665
♪ Turns out he's a
regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ And Leonard is
treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083
♪ Now this bowser's
ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet
is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
29
00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:10,825
[announcer on TV]
For boundless energy,
30
00:01:10,917 --> 00:01:14,037
for rich, luxurious fur,
31
00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:17,665
for sweet-smelling breath
all day long,
32
00:01:17,750 --> 00:01:20,040
Fur Allure --
extra-fancy cat pâté.
33
00:01:20,125 --> 00:01:21,785
With real pectin,
it's the only choice
34
00:01:21,875 --> 00:01:23,745
for the champion
at your dinner table.
35
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:27,134
It's Fur Allure,
or I don't purr...
36
00:01:27,208 --> 00:01:29,538
Yeah, like she ever eats
anything out of a can.
37
00:01:29,625 --> 00:01:31,285
You know, I've heard
those commercial kitties
38
00:01:31,375 --> 00:01:33,285
don't even really eat
the products they're selling?
39
00:01:33,375 --> 00:01:35,125
Of course they don't! You want
to look like that?
40
00:01:35,208 --> 00:01:36,918
It's strictly melba toast
and water.
41
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,920
Shh, shh, shh.
Show's back.
42
00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,290
[woman on TV] This is the moment
the crowd has been waiting for --
43
00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:43,785
miss Regina Bubblina
Fancy Paws
44
00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:46,665
has taken center stage,
and she is whipping this crowd
45
00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:48,330
into a veritable frenzy.
46
00:01:48,417 --> 00:01:51,707
I wouldn't mind falling
into her water dish, yes, sir.
47
00:01:51,792 --> 00:01:53,962
She, me,
and a ball of yarn.
48
00:01:54,041 --> 00:01:55,381
[growls]
49
00:01:55,458 --> 00:01:57,498
Let's see -- fabulous celebrity
super kitty
50
00:01:57,583 --> 00:01:59,333
and overweight
out of shape house cat
51
00:01:59,417 --> 00:02:00,917
with the personality
of paste.
52
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:01,830
Yeah, you got a shot.
53
00:02:01,917 --> 00:02:05,077
I'm sure miss Regina Bubblina
Fancy Paws
54
00:02:05,166 --> 00:02:08,206
would appreciate my, uh,
inner beauty.
55
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:12,460
-Yech!
-Yech!
56
00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:15,542
Do you two mind? I'm trying
to come up with a topic
57
00:02:15,625 --> 00:02:17,825
for my passionate
persuasive speech
58
00:02:17,959 --> 00:02:19,249
for class tomorrow,
59
00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:21,923
and with all this pageant
nonsense going on,
60
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,420
all I can think about
is glamour and appearance.
61
00:02:24,500 --> 00:02:27,040
That's what's wrong
with our whole darn culture!
62
00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:29,915
Instead of people focusing
on important things,
63
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,380
like education and health
64
00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:34,708
and "how long does it really
take to cook a 3-minute egg,"
65
00:02:34,792 --> 00:02:38,212
their heads are all clogged up
with superficial silliness.
66
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:40,831
How much do I weigh?
Is this a good color for me?
67
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:44,632
What is she wearing?
68
00:02:44,709 --> 00:02:47,579
I ask you, what kind of world
has this become
69
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,787
where appearances
are more important
70
00:02:49,875 --> 00:02:51,665
than who we really are?
71
00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:55,250
Wow, I just got
pretty passionate there...
72
00:02:55,333 --> 00:02:59,293
And darn persuasive,
if I do say so myself.
73
00:02:59,375 --> 00:03:02,245
Be still, my heart!
I found the perfect subject
74
00:03:02,333 --> 00:03:05,003
for my passionate
persuasive speech tomorrow.
75
00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:06,583
Now, what did I say?
76
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,997
[snoring]
77
00:03:10,083 --> 00:03:12,003
[gasps]
78
00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:17,133
Hey, bunky,
what's the matter?
79
00:03:17,208 --> 00:03:18,498
Nothing's the matter.
80
00:03:18,583 --> 00:03:19,793
C-Can't a guy just walk
through a room
81
00:03:19,875 --> 00:03:22,745
like a normal guy walking
through a room normally?
82
00:03:22,834 --> 00:03:24,754
W-Whoa, whoa.
This is something good.
83
00:03:24,834 --> 00:03:26,964
He's turning red
and talking in circles.
84
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,961
I am not turning red
and talking in circles --
85
00:03:30,041 --> 00:03:31,501
am not, I am.
86
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:34,833
Leonard, why do you have
that cap pulled over your head
87
00:03:34,917 --> 00:03:36,497
like a toaster cozy?
88
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:40,503
Um, 'cause my head's cold,
and this is my favorite team.
89
00:03:44,041 --> 00:03:45,081
Aha!
90
00:03:45,166 --> 00:03:47,746
Methinks someone
has a new haircut.
91
00:03:47,834 --> 00:03:49,424
Let us see!
Let us see!
92
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:50,830
No!
93
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:53,207
Someone's got
a bad haircut!
94
00:03:53,709 --> 00:03:55,579
Hey. Show a little
common decency.
95
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,077
Obviously, the boy is in
a vulnerable place right now,
96
00:03:58,166 --> 00:03:59,166
and I say
leave him alone.
97
00:03:59,750 --> 00:04:01,920
Thanks, Pretty Boy,
I really appreciate that.
98
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,210
Don't mention it, kiddo.
99
00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:07,542
Holy Hannah!
Who called the marines?
100
00:04:07,625 --> 00:04:10,125
Cue ball
in the side pocket. Scratch!
101
00:04:10,583 --> 00:04:13,333
Okay, fine. Go on,
get it out of your systems.
102
00:04:15,125 --> 00:04:16,745
-Ha ha ha ha!
-Ha ha ha ha!
103
00:04:17,166 --> 00:04:19,706
And excuse me,
Mr. Spot Helperman,
104
00:04:19,792 --> 00:04:22,082
but what happened to your
passionate persuasive speech
105
00:04:22,166 --> 00:04:23,996
about "looks don't matter"
106
00:04:24,083 --> 00:04:25,793
and "beauty's only
skin deep"?
107
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:28,575
Yeah,
but this is different.
108
00:04:28,667 --> 00:04:30,207
Come on, look at him!
109
00:04:30,291 --> 00:04:34,041
If you can't laugh at a walking
cactus head, what can you laugh at?
110
00:04:35,458 --> 00:04:37,248
[stifled laughter]
You're right.
111
00:04:37,333 --> 00:04:40,753
You are so right.
Hee hee hee hee!
112
00:04:41,166 --> 00:04:44,286
I'm sorry, Leonard, but you do look
purr-fectly ridiculous.
113
00:04:44,375 --> 00:04:45,625
I know, you're right.
114
00:04:45,709 --> 00:04:47,709
I can't believe
this is happening.
115
00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:51,828
Today was the day I was supposed to
get my hip new cutting-edge
hairstyle,
116
00:04:51,917 --> 00:04:53,327
just like the cool kids.
117
00:04:53,417 --> 00:04:55,287
I had it all planned out,
118
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:57,535
but then something happened.
119
00:05:00,542 --> 00:05:02,292
Oh, man.
I can't believe
120
00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,575
I'm finally going to get
my haircut at cool coifs.
121
00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:05,827
And look --
122
00:05:05,917 --> 00:05:07,537
there's Tyler, Taylor,
and Trevor.
123
00:05:07,625 --> 00:05:09,955
I'm actually on the same
haircutting schedule as them!
124
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,831
This is too good
to be true.
125
00:05:11,917 --> 00:05:12,787
Unh-unh-unh!
126
00:05:12,875 --> 00:05:15,325
Not so fast there,
Mr. Hopalong Doodle-Pants.
127
00:05:15,417 --> 00:05:17,207
A super terrific
new barber shop --
128
00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:22,581
oops, oops, pardon me, I mean hair
salon just opened at the other end
of the mall,
129
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:24,037
and I'd thought
we'd give it a try.
130
00:05:26,875 --> 00:05:28,625
Mom, no.
You wouldn't.
131
00:05:28,709 --> 00:05:30,789
Please! I want to go
to cool coifs!
132
00:05:30,875 --> 00:05:32,875
Tyler, Taylor,
and Trevor go there!
133
00:05:32,959 --> 00:05:34,379
And I suppose
if Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor
134
00:05:34,458 --> 00:05:36,458
jumped off the Liberty Ford
Memorial Bridge,
135
00:05:36,542 --> 00:05:37,712
you'd want to do that, too?
136
00:05:37,792 --> 00:05:39,632
Tyler, Taylor, and Trevor
did jump off
137
00:05:39,709 --> 00:05:41,169
the Liberty Ford
Memorial Bridge.
138
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,500
It's called bungee jumping,
139
00:05:42,583 --> 00:05:44,383
and I wasn't allowed
to do that, either.
140
00:05:44,458 --> 00:05:47,128
Oh, my poor little
Lenny Lumpkins.
141
00:05:47,208 --> 00:05:49,918
Your life must be
just so horrible.
142
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:51,250
Ha ha! Come on.
143
00:05:51,333 --> 00:05:54,293
It won't kill you
to try something new.
144
00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:56,625
Besides,
I've got coupons!
145
00:05:58,709 --> 00:06:01,709
[screams]
146
00:06:14,417 --> 00:06:17,037
No!
147
00:06:17,125 --> 00:06:19,535
It was horrible.
148
00:06:19,625 --> 00:06:21,875
There, there, Leonard.
Don't feel bad.
149
00:06:21,959 --> 00:06:23,629
This isn't your fault.
150
00:06:23,709 --> 00:06:26,209
You wanted to be
hip and trendy and cool.
151
00:06:26,291 --> 00:06:28,831
It just didn't work out
like you planned.
152
00:06:28,917 --> 00:06:32,627
I'm sure all the kids
at school will understand.
153
00:06:32,709 --> 00:06:33,879
Really? You think?
154
00:06:33,959 --> 00:06:35,709
Sure they will, bunky...
155
00:06:35,792 --> 00:06:38,502
When monkeys fly
with jet packs!
156
00:06:38,583 --> 00:06:40,963
Ha ha ha ha!
157
00:06:41,041 --> 00:06:44,671
Ooh! You are going
to get roasted, pally!
158
00:06:44,750 --> 00:06:46,670
Ha ha ha ha!
159
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,540
This will be worse
than the time
160
00:06:48,625 --> 00:06:51,625
Ian wore his sister's culottes
to school... backwards!
161
00:06:51,709 --> 00:06:54,459
Ha ha ha ha!
162
00:06:54,542 --> 00:06:57,382
Come on, Spotty-Wotty.
You're next.
163
00:06:57,458 --> 00:07:01,248
I'm taking you
to a brand-new doggie groomer.
164
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,673
I got coupons.
165
00:07:02,750 --> 00:07:05,250
Wow, talk about
your instant Karma.
166
00:07:05,333 --> 00:07:06,583
[howling]
167
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:09,667
Oh, there, there,
Spotty special pup.
168
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:13,540
We're just going to get you
a nice bath and flea dip
169
00:07:13,625 --> 00:07:16,575
and haircut.
170
00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:17,787
Aah!
171
00:07:17,875 --> 00:07:20,575
Aah!
172
00:07:24,291 --> 00:07:27,291
Aah!
173
00:07:27,375 --> 00:07:29,785
Aah!
174
00:07:39,709 --> 00:07:40,999
[howling]
175
00:07:44,291 --> 00:07:46,501
[French accent]
Bonjour. Can I help you?
176
00:07:46,583 --> 00:07:47,633
Yes, indeedy.
177
00:07:47,709 --> 00:07:50,209
I mean...
[mispronounces] Mais oui.
178
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:52,671
And this handsome pooch
is Spot Helperman,
179
00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,630
and we have
a 2:00 appointment.
180
00:07:54,709 --> 00:07:56,749
Mmm, doesn't it smell nice
in here?
181
00:07:56,834 --> 00:07:58,674
[sniffing]
182
00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:00,670
[thinking]
Hmm, not bad.
183
00:08:00,750 --> 00:08:04,460
A tad cloying, perhaps,
but definitely appealing.
184
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:09,632
Hibiscus, lavender,
and just a hint of patchouli.
185
00:08:09,709 --> 00:08:11,539
Hello, mon petit chien.
186
00:08:11,625 --> 00:08:14,625
My, my, aren't you
a handsome fellow?
187
00:08:14,709 --> 00:08:18,169
You're pretty sassy-boned
yourself, sister.
188
00:08:18,625 --> 00:08:20,875
All right, Mrs. Helperman,
come back at 4:00,
189
00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,709
and your Spot will be
a new doggie.
190
00:08:23,792 --> 00:08:25,462
All righty tighty.
Bye-bye, Spot,
191
00:08:25,542 --> 00:08:27,172
and don't worry. I'll be back
before you know it.
192
00:08:27,250 --> 00:08:28,500
[mispronounces]
Au revoir!
193
00:08:28,583 --> 00:08:29,833
[Thinking]
Take your time.
194
00:08:29,917 --> 00:08:32,877
And, Daphne, when I speak
of this in years to come,
195
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:34,959
and I will,
196
00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:38,421
I hope you don't mind
if I embellish.
197
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,920
Mmm, I feel so good!
198
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,500
I smell so fine!
199
00:08:43,583 --> 00:08:45,583
Oh, Daphne,
200
00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,457
if only
you were 20 years younger
201
00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:50,002
and not of an entirely
different species.
202
00:08:50,083 --> 00:08:52,793
Heaven...
I'm in heaven!
203
00:08:52,875 --> 00:08:55,825
I'm going to be so pretty
for my speech on the evils
204
00:08:55,917 --> 00:08:58,877
of only caring
about the way you look.
205
00:08:58,959 --> 00:09:01,249
So I say to you,
206
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:05,423
what of my impossible beauty,
my perfect form,
207
00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,540
my impeccable style...
208
00:09:07,625 --> 00:09:10,745
Are these superficial qualities
the true measure of a man?
209
00:09:10,834 --> 00:09:12,214
Of course not!
210
00:09:12,291 --> 00:09:15,921
And, yet,
I'm so gosh-darned good-looking.
211
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,920
Don't you just want
to kiss me all over?
212
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,580
Plenty of me
to go around.
213
00:09:22,667 --> 00:09:24,077
[speaking French]
214
00:09:24,166 --> 00:09:26,956
Oh, Spotty Spitter
Spat Spoon Bread!
215
00:09:27,041 --> 00:09:28,331
Look how handsome you are!
216
00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:30,747
Come on. Let's go home
and show Leonard!
217
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:33,084
Now, that's
a good-looking fella.
218
00:09:33,166 --> 00:09:35,126
What a gorgeous coat.
219
00:09:35,208 --> 00:09:36,958
Wow, I must really
be hot.
220
00:09:37,041 --> 00:09:40,131
Wait till the kids at school
get a load of --
221
00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:44,038
Aah! In the words
of the Marquis de Pompadour,
222
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:45,625
Oy gevalt!
223
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:48,379
I'm a p-p-poodle!
224
00:09:58,709 --> 00:10:01,079
Miss Regina Bubblina
Fancy Paws
225
00:10:01,166 --> 00:10:04,206
at furallurekitty.Cat.
226
00:10:04,291 --> 00:10:06,331
Shouldn't I
be doing the typing?
227
00:10:06,417 --> 00:10:08,707
I am, after all,
the only one here with fingers.
228
00:10:08,792 --> 00:10:10,502
You humans
with your opposable thumbs.
229
00:10:10,583 --> 00:10:13,883
Oh, look at me, I'm at the top
of the evolutionary ladder.
230
00:10:13,959 --> 00:10:16,039
I'm telling you,
this cat can type.
231
00:10:16,125 --> 00:10:18,825
Me, on the other hand --
I just hunt and peck.
232
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,747
Dear miss Regina Bubblina
Fancy Paws,
233
00:10:21,834 --> 00:10:24,294
I am your biggest fan...
234
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:25,995
You ain't just
whistlin' Dixie.
235
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:27,883
...but more than that,
236
00:10:27,959 --> 00:10:30,039
I feel a connection
between us
237
00:10:30,125 --> 00:10:32,995
that transcends
the star/fan paradigm.
238
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:34,753
That'll get her
purring.
239
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:37,134
Quiet. Mr. Jolly's writing
from the heart.
240
00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:38,878
You're both meshugeneh.
241
00:10:38,959 --> 00:10:41,459
I'm telling you, you use
a $2 word like "paradigm"
242
00:10:41,542 --> 00:10:43,962
in a love letter,
and it's bye-bye, big kitty.
243
00:10:44,041 --> 00:10:45,671
Oh, you hush.
244
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:49,330
Your eyes
are like saucers of milk.
245
00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:52,997
Your fur is like
the amber waves of grain.
246
00:10:53,083 --> 00:10:54,633
This is just sad.
247
00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:55,629
Here are we, Spot!
248
00:10:55,709 --> 00:10:57,789
Safe and snuggly
in our cozy little home.
249
00:10:57,875 --> 00:11:00,495
Leonard, see if you can get Spot
to come out of there.
250
00:11:00,583 --> 00:11:02,583
For some reason,
the trip to the groomer
251
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:04,287
has him all
discom-booby-bodied.
252
00:11:04,375 --> 00:11:06,955
Okay, Mom.
253
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:09,381
Hey, bunky,
what's the matter?
254
00:11:09,458 --> 00:11:10,998
Nothing.
Nothing's the matter.
255
00:11:11,083 --> 00:11:13,213
I'm just hanging out --
kicking back, man,
256
00:11:13,291 --> 00:11:15,251
chillin' in my pet carrier.
257
00:11:15,333 --> 00:11:16,633
It's cool. I'm cool.
258
00:11:16,709 --> 00:11:19,669
Keepin' it real in here
in the pet carrier.
259
00:11:19,750 --> 00:11:21,130
Copacetic. Chillin'.
260
00:11:21,208 --> 00:11:23,828
"Cool." sounds like
a bad haircut to me.
261
00:11:23,917 --> 00:11:26,577
Leonard, get the vacuum cleaner
and suck him out of there!
262
00:11:26,667 --> 00:11:28,577
All right, all right,
I'm coming out!
263
00:11:28,667 --> 00:11:30,207
Just don't laugh.
264
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:32,291
[all] We promise.
265
00:11:37,834 --> 00:11:39,674
[all laugh]
266
00:11:39,750 --> 00:11:43,420
Look! It's the world's first
talking cotton swab!
267
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,790
Ha ha. We're so amused.
268
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:48,705
No one's even going
to notice my stupid haircut
269
00:11:48,792 --> 00:11:50,462
once they get a load of you.
270
00:11:50,542 --> 00:11:52,672
I'm so glad
you found your silver lining
271
00:11:52,750 --> 00:11:54,330
in my dark cloud.
272
00:11:54,417 --> 00:11:57,327
Should I be concerned that I'm
actually starting to like it?
273
00:12:03,166 --> 00:12:05,036
Sweet saffron soufflé!
274
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:08,575
What did she use on me --
waterproof mousse?
275
00:12:08,667 --> 00:12:12,077
Eureka! This ought to take
the bounce out of my bonnet!
276
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:18,880
Ahh...success.
277
00:12:19,625 --> 00:12:24,375
And once again, Scott Leadready
is too cool for school.
278
00:12:33,959 --> 00:12:35,919
Maybe now
you know how I feel.
279
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:40,130
Oh, no, this is much worse
than that fishbelly white scalp of
yours
280
00:12:40,208 --> 00:12:42,828
showing through the head stubble,
formerly known as your hair.
281
00:12:43,041 --> 00:12:45,711
No way! At least
you still have hair...
282
00:12:45,792 --> 00:12:47,212
Er, fur.
283
00:12:47,291 --> 00:12:49,331
Oh, really? And what do you
think happens
284
00:12:49,417 --> 00:12:51,167
when we show up
at school tomorrow?
285
00:12:51,250 --> 00:12:53,330
Oh, sure, you'll be mocked
and ridiculed,
286
00:12:53,417 --> 00:12:54,957
the taunting
will be merciless,
287
00:12:55,041 --> 00:12:57,171
and I've no doubt
you'll be scarred for life.
288
00:12:57,250 --> 00:12:58,880
But your hair
will grow back,
289
00:12:58,959 --> 00:13:00,709
and unless
I miss my guess,
290
00:13:00,792 --> 00:13:03,332
you'll get to maintain
your status as a human being.
291
00:13:03,417 --> 00:13:04,957
I, on the other hand,
well...
292
00:13:05,041 --> 00:13:06,581
[laughter]
293
00:13:06,667 --> 00:13:08,747
Yes, I'll face the same
slings and arrows
294
00:13:08,834 --> 00:13:11,794
of outrageous insults,
and then, someone will realize
295
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,825
that Scott Leadready has
the exact same poodle cut
296
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:17,247
that Leonard Helperman's
dog Spot
297
00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,713
just happened to get
yesterday afternoon.
298
00:13:19,792 --> 00:13:24,672
Hey, Scott Leadready
has the exact same poodle cut
299
00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:26,830
that Leonard Helperman's
dog Spot
300
00:13:26,917 --> 00:13:30,037
just happened to get
yesterday afternoon!
301
00:13:31,542 --> 00:13:33,422
Uh...yeah?
302
00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:34,580
So?
303
00:13:34,667 --> 00:13:36,577
And your point
would be?
304
00:13:36,667 --> 00:13:39,287
People,
open your eyes!
305
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:43,665
Scott Leadready looks like
Leonard Helperman's dog Spot!
306
00:13:43,750 --> 00:13:45,130
Wait a minute.
307
00:13:45,208 --> 00:13:46,708
Scott Leadready doesn't just
look like
308
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:48,292
Leonard Helperman's dog Spot,
309
00:13:48,375 --> 00:13:51,665
Scott Leadready is
Leonard Helperman's dog Spot!
310
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:54,580
See, I totally
missed that.
311
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:57,037
Yeah...
Me too.
312
00:13:57,125 --> 00:13:58,785
That went right over
my head.
313
00:13:58,875 --> 00:14:01,285
Hey, dogs aren't allowed
in school!
314
00:14:01,375 --> 00:14:03,665
Get him!
315
00:14:08,417 --> 00:14:09,877
[German accent]
Here, fido!
316
00:14:09,959 --> 00:14:11,459
Find the dog-boy!
317
00:14:11,542 --> 00:14:12,792
Put him on a leash!
318
00:14:12,875 --> 00:14:14,325
Follow the burgermeister!
319
00:14:14,417 --> 00:14:16,667
Da! I bet he isn't
even housebroken.
320
00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:18,290
Are we there yet?
321
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:25,290
Sanctuary!
322
00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:27,538
Sanctuary!
323
00:14:29,583 --> 00:14:30,963
Which way did he go?
324
00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:33,171
It's like he disappeared
into thin air!
325
00:14:33,250 --> 00:14:36,460
Ah! I wish whoever rings
that bell would cut it out!
326
00:14:36,542 --> 00:14:37,672
I'm going home!
327
00:14:37,750 --> 00:14:40,130
These lederhosen
are killing me.
328
00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:42,078
Do you think they would let me
use the bathroom
329
00:14:42,166 --> 00:14:43,536
in the cathedral?
330
00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,535
I told you to go
before we left!
331
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:50,575
Why was I not made of stone
as thee?
332
00:14:50,667 --> 00:14:53,457
Oh, yeah, like I never
heard that one before.
333
00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:56,462
Oh, curse the day
I ever set foot
334
00:14:56,542 --> 00:14:59,542
in Daphne's Debonair
Doggie Salon De Pets...
335
00:14:59,625 --> 00:15:01,415
Although the imported
hand-rolled gruyére cheese
336
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:03,420
dog biscuits
were a nice touch.
337
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:06,500
The French just have a way
with baked delicacies.
338
00:15:06,583 --> 00:15:08,883
But I digress.
339
00:15:08,959 --> 00:15:10,629
Hey, maybe we can both
fake sick
340
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:13,379
and stay home until our hair
grows back to normal.
341
00:15:13,458 --> 00:15:14,958
It'll only take
a few months.
342
00:15:15,041 --> 00:15:16,131
Are you mad, boy?
343
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,248
I've got to go to school
tomorrow
344
00:15:18,333 --> 00:15:20,883
and deliver my passionate
persuasive speech.
345
00:15:20,959 --> 00:15:22,379
It's worth
half my grade.
346
00:15:22,458 --> 00:15:24,038
And it's a really good one.
347
00:15:24,125 --> 00:15:26,495
Besides, all I have to do
is keep my hair
348
00:15:26,583 --> 00:15:28,383
pressed in this book
overnight.
349
00:15:28,458 --> 00:15:30,328
And by morning,
I should be back
350
00:15:30,333 --> 00:15:32,383
to my old
rakishly handsome self.
351
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,502
Leonard, we could both
go to school
352
00:15:36,583 --> 00:15:38,383
looking the way we do,
and who knows,
353
00:15:38,458 --> 00:15:40,498
maybe it might make it
a little easier on you,
354
00:15:40,583 --> 00:15:43,383
but I'm a dog
pretending to be a boy,
355
00:15:43,458 --> 00:15:44,708
and if they see me
like this,
356
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:46,002
it could mean the end
of everything!
357
00:15:46,083 --> 00:15:47,583
No more walking to school
together,
358
00:15:47,667 --> 00:15:49,287
no more sharing a lunch,
359
00:15:49,375 --> 00:15:51,325
no more sticking up for
each other on the playground.
360
00:15:51,417 --> 00:15:52,787
So what are you going
to do?
361
00:15:52,875 --> 00:15:55,125
I'll tell you what I'm going
to do, Leonard.
362
00:15:55,208 --> 00:15:57,538
I'm about to ask you to make
a sacrifice for me --
363
00:15:57,625 --> 00:16:00,455
for us --
like I've never asked before.
364
00:16:00,542 --> 00:16:02,752
Oh, no. No way.
365
00:16:02,834 --> 00:16:04,794
No, no, no, no, no.
366
00:16:09,417 --> 00:16:12,537
[laughter]
367
00:16:12,625 --> 00:16:16,325
What? You've never seen
lederhosen before?
368
00:16:16,417 --> 00:16:20,377
Besides, if you guys
think this is funny,
369
00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:22,208
get a load of that!
370
00:16:22,291 --> 00:16:24,001
You're a great decoy,
Leonard.
371
00:16:24,083 --> 00:16:26,213
As long as everyone's
looking at you,
372
00:16:26,291 --> 00:16:27,581
no one's looking
at me.
373
00:16:27,667 --> 00:16:29,747
Great. That makes it
all worthwhile.
374
00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:31,884
Hey, get out of the way,
Scott.
375
00:16:31,959 --> 00:16:34,289
You're blocking my view
of Leonard.
376
00:16:34,375 --> 00:16:37,495
Hey, leave him alone.
377
00:16:39,542 --> 00:16:42,332
I've seen blue-bottomed baboons
at the zoo
378
00:16:42,417 --> 00:16:44,327
that don't look as funny
as you!
379
00:16:44,417 --> 00:16:45,707
Ha ha ha --
380
00:16:45,792 --> 00:16:48,002
I'm choking
on my own saliva.
381
00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:49,633
That is
the dorkiest haircut
382
00:16:49,709 --> 00:16:51,459
in the history
of the fourth grade.
383
00:16:51,542 --> 00:16:53,212
That's
the dorkiest haircut
384
00:16:53,291 --> 00:16:54,711
in the history
of the first grade.
385
00:16:54,792 --> 00:16:55,712
Good one.
386
00:16:55,792 --> 00:16:57,882
You're head looks like
a litchi nut.
387
00:16:57,959 --> 00:16:59,959
That's an insult
to litchi nuts.
388
00:17:00,041 --> 00:17:02,211
Super good one!
389
00:17:02,291 --> 00:17:05,751
This is awful.
What have I done?
390
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:07,214
My best friend
in the whole world
391
00:17:07,291 --> 00:17:08,541
is taking the heat
for me.
392
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:10,035
If only there was something
I could do,
393
00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:12,325
something to save Leonard --
anything!
394
00:17:12,417 --> 00:17:13,327
But what?
395
00:17:13,417 --> 00:17:15,787
Oh, for crying out loud!
What do I got to do,
396
00:17:15,875 --> 00:17:17,705
hit you with a rolled-up
newspaper?
397
00:17:17,792 --> 00:17:19,832
Hey, you're not
my conscience.
398
00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:21,917
He's at a convention.
I'm filling in.
399
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,000
Ah. All right then,
I get the message.
400
00:17:24,083 --> 00:17:25,133
Take off.
401
00:17:25,208 --> 00:17:27,668
Okay. What's going on
in here?
402
00:17:27,750 --> 00:17:29,210
What's going on here
403
00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:32,381
is a bunch of trend-chasing
slaves to fashion
404
00:17:32,458 --> 00:17:35,038
humiliating
another human being.
405
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:37,001
Mrs. H., get out
your grade book.
406
00:17:37,083 --> 00:17:40,173
I feel a passionate
persuasive speech coming on!
407
00:17:40,250 --> 00:17:43,380
Friends,
look at yourselves
408
00:17:43,458 --> 00:17:45,748
and what you've become.
409
00:17:45,834 --> 00:17:48,384
There, on the floor
is a fellow student
410
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:50,748
who, up until a few
moments ago,
411
00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:53,044
you embraced
as one of your own.
412
00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:56,075
But now he cowers in a heap
like...
413
00:17:56,166 --> 00:17:58,416
A quivering flan --
414
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:00,540
the object
of your ridicule and scorn.
415
00:18:00,625 --> 00:18:03,785
And why?
What, I ask you, has changed?
416
00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:05,665
He looks even dorkier
than usual?
417
00:18:05,750 --> 00:18:07,710
The veins showing
through his scalp
418
00:18:07,792 --> 00:18:10,582
resemble the former Soviet
Republic of Kazakhstan?
419
00:18:10,667 --> 00:18:13,247
Cease and desist!
420
00:18:13,333 --> 00:18:15,253
I'll tell you
what has changed.
421
00:18:15,333 --> 00:18:18,133
Leonard looks different --
422
00:18:18,208 --> 00:18:20,208
different from you,
who looks different from him,
423
00:18:20,291 --> 00:18:22,331
who looks different from her,
who looks different from her.
424
00:18:22,959 --> 00:18:25,579
And I say, so what?
425
00:18:25,667 --> 00:18:26,917
The fact of the matter is,
426
00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,000
we all look different
from someone.
427
00:18:29,083 --> 00:18:32,333
You want to see funny?
I'll show you funny.
428
00:18:34,125 --> 00:18:35,915
There's your funny!
429
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,750
Ha ha ha ha!
You want to laugh at something?
430
00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:39,834
Laugh at this.
431
00:18:39,917 --> 00:18:43,787
[laughter]
432
00:18:43,875 --> 00:18:45,875
Jeez, do you have
to take me so literally?
433
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:48,749
You look like my Aunt Mary's
poodle Monique.
434
00:18:48,834 --> 00:18:51,294
Quiet, creep show!
I work alone.
435
00:18:51,375 --> 00:18:52,745
Mental note to self --
436
00:18:52,834 --> 00:18:55,834
check out Ian's Aunt Mary's
poodle Monique.
437
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,957
Frankly, I didn't think
Leonard's hair
438
00:18:58,041 --> 00:19:00,131
looked all that great
before he got it cut,
439
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:02,708
but outward appearances
are not the measure of the man.
440
00:19:02,792 --> 00:19:05,752
It's what's inside here
that counts.
441
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:07,254
You mean guts?
442
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:08,793
No, I don't mean guts.
443
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:12,125
I was talking about courage
and character and kindness
444
00:19:12,208 --> 00:19:14,578
which my friend Leonard
has more of
445
00:19:14,667 --> 00:19:16,207
than anyone I've ever met.
446
00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:17,631
And short hair or long,
447
00:19:17,709 --> 00:19:20,749
Leonard Helperman will always be
my good friend,
448
00:19:20,834 --> 00:19:22,924
not because
of how he looks,
449
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,000
but because
of how he acts.
450
00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:26,253
And I hope --
451
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:27,883
nay, I pray --
452
00:19:27,959 --> 00:19:29,789
whether I look like
Scott Leadready,
453
00:19:29,875 --> 00:19:31,665
fourth grader extraordinaire,
454
00:19:31,750 --> 00:19:34,380
or Ian's
Aunt Mary's poodle Monique,
455
00:19:34,458 --> 00:19:37,538
all of you will judge me
not by my outward appearance
456
00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:40,825
but what I have in here,
457
00:19:40,917 --> 00:19:44,327
and continue to be my friends.
458
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,327
[sighs] Thank you.
459
00:19:46,417 --> 00:19:49,497
Why, Scott, what a wonderful
way to illustrate
460
00:19:49,583 --> 00:19:51,133
the point of your speech.
461
00:19:51,208 --> 00:19:53,878
Ha ha ha! Quadruple
extra credit for you.
462
00:19:53,959 --> 00:19:56,169
And bonus points
for any of you
463
00:19:56,250 --> 00:20:00,170
who can find ways to appreciate
someone for looking different,
464
00:20:00,250 --> 00:20:03,170
rather than just laughing
at them.
465
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,250
Wow, you actually
look taller!
466
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:07,753
I think it makes you look
way cool, man.
467
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:10,794
I have a new appreciation
for the differences
468
00:20:10,875 --> 00:20:12,205
that enrich our culture.
469
00:20:12,291 --> 00:20:13,881
Ha ha ha ha. You guys.
470
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:17,879
You're not just saying that
for the bonus points?
471
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,125
Here we go.
472
00:20:22,208 --> 00:20:25,288
Please turn away
while I enter my password.
473
00:20:25,375 --> 00:20:27,705
You think I care
what your password is?
474
00:20:27,792 --> 00:20:30,672
Please, I got better things
to do with my life.
475
00:20:33,792 --> 00:20:36,042
"Pretty kitty" --
that's your password?
476
00:20:36,125 --> 00:20:37,535
You got to be kidding me.
477
00:20:37,625 --> 00:20:39,625
Pretty repulsive kitty
is more like it.
478
00:20:39,709 --> 00:20:43,249
You looked.
You are just a... dirty bird.
479
00:20:43,333 --> 00:20:45,713
[computer beeps]
480
00:20:45,792 --> 00:20:48,132
A letter!
I have a letter! Oh, boy!
481
00:20:48,208 --> 00:20:50,378
I have a letter,
I have a letter.
482
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:52,708
Oh, for crying out loud,
open it!
483
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,380
"A message from
the Fur aMllure corporation,
484
00:20:56,417 --> 00:20:57,707
a wholly-owned subsidiary
485
00:20:57,792 --> 00:21:00,082
of Wakabayashi Worldwide
Industries."
486
00:21:00,166 --> 00:21:02,746
Oh. Oh, my goodness.
487
00:21:02,834 --> 00:21:05,634
It's from Miss Regina Bubblina
Fancy Paws!
488
00:21:05,709 --> 00:21:07,499
It's a form letter,
you ninny.
489
00:21:07,583 --> 00:21:10,633
Oh, really?
Would a form letter say this --
490
00:21:10,709 --> 00:21:12,749
"Greetings, sir or madam.
491
00:21:12,834 --> 00:21:16,544
Your patronage of
the Fur Allure animal products
492
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:18,035
is most appreciated.
493
00:21:18,125 --> 00:21:20,745
On behalf of Miss Regina
Bubblina Fancy Paws --
494
00:21:20,834 --> 00:21:22,384
registered trademark --
495
00:21:22,458 --> 00:21:24,788
we'll be sending you
2 coupons for 50¢ off
496
00:21:24,875 --> 00:21:26,575
your next Fur Allure purchase.
497
00:21:26,667 --> 00:21:28,627
Sincerely,
PPR&J advertising."
498
00:21:28,709 --> 00:21:30,419
I knew it.
See, I knew it.
499
00:21:30,500 --> 00:21:32,290
It's like me
and Miss Regina Bubblina
500
00:21:32,375 --> 00:21:33,825
made a psychic
love connection.
501
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:35,327
Thank you, thank you,
thank you!
502
00:21:35,417 --> 00:21:37,627
Hey, quit it!
Cut it out!
503
00:21:37,709 --> 00:21:39,419
Hey, you're ruffling
my feathers!
504
00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:41,460
Hey, this is sad!
This is really sad!
505
00:21:41,542 --> 00:21:43,082
I don't know, Scott.
506
00:21:43,166 --> 00:21:45,456
Maybe we got by yesterday
because of your speech
507
00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:47,542
and bonus points and stuff,
but I bet you
508
00:21:47,625 --> 00:21:49,825
today everyone's just going
to go back to normal
509
00:21:49,917 --> 00:21:51,957
and laugh at us because
we look so goofy.
510
00:21:52,041 --> 00:21:54,041
Heck, I'd laugh at us
if we weren't us.
511
00:21:54,125 --> 00:21:56,285
I beg to differ,
dear Leonard,
512
00:21:56,375 --> 00:21:59,575
for I believe in the essential
goodness of people.
513
00:21:59,667 --> 00:22:02,207
I believe people can learn
and grow
514
00:22:02,291 --> 00:22:04,541
and become better.
515
00:22:08,667 --> 00:22:11,577
Or copy a hot new trend
when they see one.
516
00:22:11,667 --> 00:22:13,627
Wannabes.
37966
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