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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
00:00:01,542 --> 00:00:04,082
-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,166 --> 00:00:05,786
♪ A nutty mutt
living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,875 --> 00:00:07,415
♪ But when he'd hear
the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:10,127
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:10,208 --> 00:00:11,828
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,917 --> 00:00:14,207
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,291 --> 00:00:16,581
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:18,287
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,375 --> 00:00:19,625
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,709 --> 00:00:21,129
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,208 --> 00:00:22,578
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,037
♪ It's so weird ♪
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy
♪
15
00:00:25,125 --> 00:00:26,665
♪ Turns out he's a
regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,420
♪ And Leonard is
treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:30,960
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,131
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,208 --> 00:00:34,918
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,920
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,460
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,542 --> 00:00:41,462
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,502
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,083
♪ Now this bowser's
ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet
is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
29
00:01:13,125 --> 00:01:14,535
[announcer on TV]
Stay tuned, boys and girls.
30
00:01:14,625 --> 00:01:16,455
Coming up next--
a classic reprise
31
00:01:16,542 --> 00:01:18,422
of your all-time perennial
favorite super beloved
32
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,540
episode of
"The Goony Gopher Show."
33
00:01:21,625 --> 00:01:22,785
[both] Rerun.
34
00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:25,375
[boy on TV] Coming right up on
"Wormface And Skelepony,"
35
00:01:25,458 --> 00:01:27,998
a perennial reprise all-time
favorite classic...
36
00:01:28,083 --> 00:01:29,423
[both] Seen that.
37
00:01:29,500 --> 00:01:30,920
Don't they make
any new shows anymore?
38
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,710
[man on TV] And
next, a brand-new...
39
00:01:33,792 --> 00:01:35,752
Reshowing of your
all-time favorite...
40
00:01:35,834 --> 00:01:39,084
That does it.
This is un-American.
41
00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:41,536
Who do they think we are,
a bunch of dumb animals?
42
00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:45,075
Well, we showed them.
We voted with our beaks.
43
00:01:45,166 --> 00:01:47,246
Darn right.
44
00:01:50,250 --> 00:01:52,460
So now what do we do?
45
00:01:52,542 --> 00:01:54,082
I don't know.
46
00:01:54,166 --> 00:01:56,166
What did we do
before we had television?
47
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,170
We've always
had television...
48
00:01:58,250 --> 00:02:00,500
Except for that one day
the power was out
49
00:02:00,583 --> 00:02:04,543
and we slept
for 18 hours straight.
50
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:05,915
You want to sleep?
51
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:07,540
I got a better idea
than sitting
52
00:02:07,625 --> 00:02:08,995
in front of some stupid screen,
passively letting
53
00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:11,753
information and entertainment
wash over us. Come on!
54
00:02:13,667 --> 00:02:15,627
[beeping]
55
00:02:15,709 --> 00:02:19,209
You were right.
This is infinitely better.
56
00:02:19,291 --> 00:02:25,291
[beeping]
57
00:02:30,125 --> 00:02:34,375
[Scott] Earth-- 93 million miles
from the sun,
58
00:02:34,458 --> 00:02:36,998
a stunning
big beautiful blue marble
59
00:02:37,083 --> 00:02:39,923
that I like to call...
Home.
60
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,540
You're never
going to get home
61
00:02:41,625 --> 00:02:42,915
if you keep stopping
to look at it.
62
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,710
Well, pardon me
for admiring my creation.
63
00:02:45,792 --> 00:02:48,962
Can't I stop and smell
the genius every now and then?
64
00:02:49,041 --> 00:02:51,381
On any other day, yes.
65
00:02:51,458 --> 00:02:52,748
On the day they give out
the Junior Boy Ranger
66
00:02:52,834 --> 00:02:55,084
community-service
job assignments?
67
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:57,536
Junior Boy Ranger
yada-yada assignment jobs?
68
00:02:57,625 --> 00:02:58,995
Let's go. Move it.
69
00:02:59,083 --> 00:03:00,503
I'm going to get there first,
70
00:03:00,583 --> 00:03:02,673
and then assistant groundskeeper
at the softball field
71
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,210
is mine, all mine.
72
00:03:05,291 --> 00:03:08,671
Card-catalog room
at the rare-book library,
73
00:03:08,750 --> 00:03:10,500
here I come.
74
00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,583
Dewey decimal system?
75
00:03:12,667 --> 00:03:15,827
More like ooh-whee!
Decimal system.
76
00:03:15,917 --> 00:03:17,917
It helps to like your work.
77
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,920
[blaring]
78
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,630
Junior goody-two-shoes alert.
79
00:03:21,709 --> 00:03:23,579
There will be
a 100% chance of geekiness
80
00:03:23,667 --> 00:03:25,327
with scattered nerds.
81
00:03:25,417 --> 00:03:27,247
Heh heh heh ho.
82
00:03:27,333 --> 00:03:29,173
It's so easy
to judge others
83
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:31,630
from atop your ivory perch,
isn't it?
84
00:03:31,709 --> 00:03:33,669
At least we're
contributing to society
85
00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:36,630
and not zoning out in front
of the television all day.
86
00:03:36,709 --> 00:03:39,419
Shows what you know.
We don't zone out in front of the
TV.
87
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:40,790
No. On the contrary,
88
00:03:40,875 --> 00:03:42,575
we zone out
in front of the computer.
89
00:03:42,667 --> 00:03:44,417
It would seem
that this is one cat
90
00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:47,630
who really knows his way
with a mouse.
91
00:03:47,709 --> 00:03:48,789
[giggles]
92
00:03:48,875 --> 00:03:51,495
See? Cat, mouse--
I created a witticism.
93
00:03:51,583 --> 00:03:54,673
Stop. Please, stop.
My sides are aching.
94
00:03:54,750 --> 00:03:56,920
Now if you'll excuse us,
we are off,
95
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,210
to quote
the Junior Boy Ranger motto,
96
00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:01,921
to do our duty
with enthusiasm,
97
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,630
respectful of the awesome
responsibility--
98
00:04:04,709 --> 00:04:07,749
come on, Scott, or we'll
get stuck with the lame-o jobs.
99
00:04:07,834 --> 00:04:09,174
Bye now.
100
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:12,420
[all] A Junior Boy Ranger
is ever mindful.
101
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:15,580
A Junior Boy Ranger
respects his peers
102
00:04:15,667 --> 00:04:18,417
and observes the rules
of order and fairness
103
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:20,040
at all times.
104
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:22,165
Very good, rangers.
I'm proud of you.
105
00:04:22,250 --> 00:04:24,330
Okay, now on to the business
of today's meeting.
106
00:04:24,417 --> 00:04:25,707
The community-service jobs--
107
00:04:25,792 --> 00:04:28,292
Come on!
Out of my way!
108
00:04:28,375 --> 00:04:33,075
Now look what you did
to my little purple scarf.
109
00:04:33,166 --> 00:04:36,076
Boys, this mindless mayhem
stops now.
110
00:04:36,166 --> 00:04:38,166
[all grumbling]
111
00:04:38,250 --> 00:04:39,500
That's not fair.
112
00:04:39,583 --> 00:04:40,963
And get off of Gary.
113
00:04:41,041 --> 00:04:43,381
Ooh, sorry.
114
00:04:43,458 --> 00:04:44,668
Was I first?
115
00:04:44,750 --> 00:04:47,170
Starting today,
the community-service jobs
116
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,580
will be picked by me at random
in alphabetical order
117
00:04:49,667 --> 00:04:51,077
of your last names.
118
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:53,456
Oh, that's not fair.
119
00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:55,422
My name starts with "W."
120
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,830
I beat Scott to the jar,
121
00:04:57,917 --> 00:05:00,417
and that means
I pick first.
122
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:04,330
And your attitude means now
you'll definitely pick last.
123
00:05:04,417 --> 00:05:08,327
Vengeance is mine.
124
00:05:08,417 --> 00:05:10,707
And Scott will pick
second to last.
125
00:05:10,792 --> 00:05:14,422
O... kay.
126
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:15,790
Nice going, Scott.
127
00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:17,245
And Leonard--
128
00:05:17,333 --> 00:05:19,173
Third to last. Got it.
129
00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,250
Let's begin.
130
00:05:41,500 --> 00:05:42,790
What did you get?
131
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,375
I got
"the peace and quiet room
132
00:05:45,458 --> 00:05:49,458
at the Restful Quietude
Senior Citizens Center."
133
00:05:49,542 --> 00:05:51,382
Whoo-hoo.
That sounds great.
134
00:05:51,458 --> 00:05:52,748
Whoo-hoo, boy.
135
00:05:52,834 --> 00:05:57,464
Little Leonard living large
in the land of liniment.
136
00:05:57,542 --> 00:05:58,672
[yawns]
137
00:05:58,750 --> 00:06:00,500
How exciting.
138
00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:02,043
Yeah?
So what did you get?
139
00:06:02,125 --> 00:06:06,575
Come on, library.
Come to puppy. Come to puppy.
140
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,917
Well, what do you know?
141
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:10,880
I get to help out
at the...
142
00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:14,539
East Westland
Stray Cat Shelter.
143
00:06:14,625 --> 00:06:16,785
Yay! Rare book library!
144
00:06:16,875 --> 00:06:21,415
Ooh, I can taste
the dust mites already.
145
00:06:26,709 --> 00:06:29,249
That is to say...
146
00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:34,213
Congratulations, Scott,
on our mutual good fortune.
147
00:06:34,291 --> 00:06:38,671
The land of liniment
is looking a lot--
148
00:06:38,750 --> 00:06:40,080
I can't think
of an "l" word,
149
00:06:40,166 --> 00:06:43,036
but a whole lot better
than you and a bunch of cats.
150
00:06:45,333 --> 00:06:46,673
[sighs]
151
00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:48,670
We just have to keep
telling ourselves
152
00:06:48,750 --> 00:06:50,130
we're Junior Boy Rangers,
153
00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:52,708
and it's for a good cause.
154
00:06:52,792 --> 00:06:54,042
But old people--
155
00:06:54,125 --> 00:06:57,495
you're telling me.
Cats-- oh!
156
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,503
If I was a betting bird,
I'd lay two to one
157
00:06:59,583 --> 00:07:01,253
that Leonard lasts longer
with the geezers
158
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:03,293
than the pooch does
with the pussycats.
159
00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:04,665
Ooh, I beg to differ.
160
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:06,500
What could be more purr-fect
161
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:10,133
than spending the day surrounded
by feline companionship?
162
00:07:10,208 --> 00:07:11,708
I'll tell you
what could be more perfect--
163
00:07:11,792 --> 00:07:13,962
lying on a bed of nails,
164
00:07:14,041 --> 00:07:15,631
walking on broken glass,
165
00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:17,709
flying into the sun.
No offense.
166
00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,332
Why would I be offended?
167
00:07:19,417 --> 00:07:20,707
However, you are right
on one count.
168
00:07:20,792 --> 00:07:22,422
I'll certainly
last longer at my job
169
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:23,790
than Leonard will at his.
170
00:07:23,875 --> 00:07:25,495
No way. At least
all I have to do is
171
00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,503
get along with my own species.
172
00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,133
No way.
At least all I have to do
173
00:07:29,208 --> 00:07:31,208
is get along
with my own species.
174
00:07:31,291 --> 00:07:33,041
At least all I have to do is
175
00:07:33,125 --> 00:07:35,535
get along
with my own species.
176
00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:36,875
You can't mimic my mimic.
177
00:07:36,959 --> 00:07:38,999
I say I can.
Who are you?
178
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:40,583
I'm rubber, you're glue.
179
00:07:40,667 --> 00:07:42,167
Oh, brother.
180
00:07:42,250 --> 00:07:44,420
Sometimes you just got
to stir up the pot a little.
181
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,500
Ooh, you make me
want to be bad.
182
00:07:52,667 --> 00:07:55,377
To do our duty
with enthusiasm,
183
00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:58,578
respectful of the awesome
responsibility--
184
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:02,207
Aah!
185
00:08:02,291 --> 00:08:06,791
Why me? Why me?
186
00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:10,785
[man on TV] Now I may be just
a retired dermatologist,
187
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,825
but I think I can help
with your murder investigation.
188
00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:14,747
Leonard, would you tell me
189
00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:18,924
if I've got a piece
of dried apricot in my teeth?
190
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:21,250
-Looks good to me.
-Oh, thanks, kid.
191
00:08:21,333 --> 00:08:24,883
Hey, want to help me clean them
now that I got them out?
192
00:08:24,959 --> 00:08:27,499
Help yourself
to another cookie, dear.
193
00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:30,833
Cookie, shmookie--
he hasn't finished his fig.
194
00:08:30,917 --> 00:08:33,497
How is he supposed
to grow curly hair?
195
00:08:33,625 --> 00:08:36,075
His hair is fine
just the way it is.
196
00:08:36,166 --> 00:08:38,576
Oh, such a handsome boy.
197
00:08:38,667 --> 00:08:40,327
Ow!
198
00:08:40,417 --> 00:08:41,877
Now, Scott,
your job at the shelter
199
00:08:41,959 --> 00:08:44,709
will be to make sure
our guests are cared for.
200
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:47,922
Just the basics--
clean their cages, feed them--
201
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,880
Ooh! And stay alert.
202
00:08:49,959 --> 00:08:52,829
You might want
to remember that.
203
00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:54,457
-Got it.
-Good.
204
00:08:54,542 --> 00:08:57,922
Now let's go see the cats
you'll be taking care of.
205
00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:00,630
I don't have to work
with these... things?
206
00:09:00,709 --> 00:09:02,629
No, heh heh, no.
207
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:05,079
You'll be helping out
with the problem group.
208
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:06,206
Problem group?
209
00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:19,127
Oh, the horror!
The horror!
210
00:09:19,208 --> 00:09:21,828
Mew.
211
00:09:21,917 --> 00:09:23,957
[clock chiming]
212
00:09:24,083 --> 00:09:26,793
And they just kept mewing,
213
00:09:26,875 --> 00:09:28,705
like little baby dolls
214
00:09:28,792 --> 00:09:32,922
and looking at me like that--
like they were...
215
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,750
Fond of me.
216
00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,884
So you got a fan club.
Big deal.
217
00:09:36,959 --> 00:09:38,169
But they're cats--
218
00:09:38,250 --> 00:09:40,710
the silliest, most ridiculously
worthless creatures
219
00:09:40,792 --> 00:09:42,712
on the face of this earth.
220
00:09:42,792 --> 00:09:44,832
Hey, are you going to take
this guff lying down?
221
00:09:44,917 --> 00:09:46,537
Ooh, I found a web site
222
00:09:46,625 --> 00:09:50,915
that delivers a different kind
of catnip toy every month.
223
00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,540
I'm sorry.
Were you talking to me?
224
00:09:52,625 --> 00:09:55,125
Oh, is this to be my fate?
225
00:09:55,208 --> 00:09:58,918
That I, a dog who aspires
to the heavens of achievement,
226
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,880
should be assigned
to the most degrading,
227
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:05,709
dispiriting, soul-suckingly
heinous job?
228
00:10:05,792 --> 00:10:08,132
So you're saying
you don't like it.
229
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:12,288
Excuse me while I go
wash off the smell of cat.
230
00:10:12,375 --> 00:10:15,625
I've tried.
It doesn't come off.
231
00:10:15,709 --> 00:10:17,959
That is one
miserable canine.
232
00:10:23,125 --> 00:10:24,535
I don't want
to talk about it.
233
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:25,665
I'm going to the bathroom
to wash off
234
00:10:25,750 --> 00:10:28,380
the smell of cookies
and figs.
235
00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:30,378
Oh, hello, Leonard.
I didn't hear you come in.
236
00:10:30,417 --> 00:10:31,877
I just got through
telling the boys here
237
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:34,669
how much I love--
nay, Cherish--
238
00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:39,080
my exciting job
at the... cat shelter.
239
00:10:39,166 --> 00:10:40,706
That's great,
and I just got through
240
00:10:40,792 --> 00:10:43,752
saying how much I love
working with the elderly.
241
00:10:43,834 --> 00:10:45,674
Well, isn't that
just wonderful?
242
00:10:45,750 --> 00:10:47,080
That's exactly
what I was thinking--
243
00:10:47,166 --> 00:10:48,786
wonderful.
244
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,325
Ha ha ha.
All righty, then.
245
00:10:50,417 --> 00:10:51,747
Okay.
246
00:10:51,834 --> 00:10:53,714
-See you.
-So long.
247
00:10:53,792 --> 00:10:55,712
I'm not a good person.
248
00:10:58,041 --> 00:10:59,541
I wonder if they have
249
00:10:59,625 --> 00:11:01,875
an achievement badge
in self-loathing.
250
00:11:03,834 --> 00:11:05,634
There you go--
251
00:11:05,709 --> 00:11:07,789
spilled milk all gone...
252
00:11:07,875 --> 00:11:09,785
For the seventh time.
253
00:11:09,875 --> 00:11:14,125
[mewing]
254
00:11:14,208 --> 00:11:15,878
[sighs]
255
00:11:15,959 --> 00:11:18,129
Now please, be careful.
256
00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:20,828
Don't step on the...
257
00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:22,457
Dish!
258
00:11:22,542 --> 00:11:25,502
[crying]
259
00:11:25,583 --> 00:11:28,543
What do you know? I'm actually
crying over spilled milk.
260
00:11:28,625 --> 00:11:30,785
Aah!
261
00:11:30,875 --> 00:11:33,995
I can't take it anymore!
262
00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,833
Oh! Don't look at me.
263
00:11:36,917 --> 00:11:39,207
[mewing]
264
00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:42,631
I have to leave this place
before I go mad-- mad!
265
00:11:42,709 --> 00:11:45,669
Nothing personal, fellows.
I-I like you fine,
266
00:11:45,750 --> 00:11:48,670
but don't look at it as if
you're losing a father figure.
267
00:11:48,750 --> 00:11:51,130
Just-- well, I guess you are
losing a father figure.
268
00:11:51,208 --> 00:11:52,878
Say goodbye to daddy.
269
00:11:52,959 --> 00:11:54,919
[all] Goodbye, daddy.
270
00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,880
You don't make it easy.
271
00:11:56,959 --> 00:12:00,789
It's true.
He does like us.
272
00:12:00,875 --> 00:12:02,705
We are loved.
273
00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:06,832
And so very, very lonely.
274
00:12:06,917 --> 00:12:08,127
So I've quit my job,
275
00:12:08,208 --> 00:12:11,538
and I'm a complete utter failure
at my community service,
276
00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:15,165
but as long as I can keep it
from Leonard forever, I'm fine.
277
00:12:15,250 --> 00:12:19,080
Oh, great. Now I'm a quitter,
failure, and a liar.
278
00:12:19,166 --> 00:12:21,706
-[mew]
-Huh?
279
00:12:21,792 --> 00:12:23,962
Aah!
280
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:26,753
Mommy.
281
00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:30,294
Mommy? Mommy!
282
00:12:37,291 --> 00:12:39,041
Okay, write this.
283
00:12:39,125 --> 00:12:40,205
Today's episode
of "The Goony Gopher Show"
284
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:42,831
was entertaining, though
the animation was choppy
285
00:12:42,917 --> 00:12:45,077
and the story predictable.
286
00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:46,416
Oh, and I think
you're being a little harsh.
287
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:50,380
It was a very funny show.
I was lol-ing.
288
00:12:50,458 --> 00:12:52,578
That means laughing out loud
in cyberspeak.
289
00:12:52,667 --> 00:12:54,287
I speak cyberspeak.
290
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:57,455
Sounds to me like you are
l-o-l-l-a-s-c.
291
00:12:57,542 --> 00:12:59,882
I'm not familiar
with that nomenclature.
292
00:12:59,959 --> 00:13:02,919
That's laughing out loud
like a stupid cat.
293
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,460
Uh, pardon me, guys,
294
00:13:04,542 --> 00:13:06,132
but is there any information
on the Internet
295
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:09,078
about crisis management?
296
00:13:09,166 --> 00:13:10,456
I suppose I could
look it up for you
297
00:13:10,542 --> 00:13:12,042
after we're done with this.
298
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:16,825
Thanks, but could you maybe
get around to doing it now?
299
00:13:16,917 --> 00:13:18,997
[mewing]
300
00:13:19,083 --> 00:13:22,333
We're being invaded
by a band of hideous creatures.
301
00:13:22,417 --> 00:13:24,167
They're cats.
You're a cat.
302
00:13:24,250 --> 00:13:25,580
Okay, now I'm offended.
303
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:28,077
Hey, hands off.
I'm not a squeak toy.
304
00:13:28,166 --> 00:13:30,376
Get these fuzz balls
out of here now.
305
00:13:30,458 --> 00:13:33,578
Now, now, come on.
Let cooler heads prevail.
306
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,167
This situation is not
as bad as it--
307
00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:37,670
Aah!
308
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:40,130
[mewing]
309
00:13:42,750 --> 00:13:46,080
Uranus, I hardly knew ye.
310
00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:50,166
10 billion years to create,
10 seconds to destroy.
311
00:13:50,250 --> 00:13:52,380
Leonard's home.
312
00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:53,918
Yay! Leonard is home!
313
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,210
Maybe he can help me
do something with these kittens.
314
00:13:56,291 --> 00:13:58,421
Ooh! Wait.
If he sees these kitties,
315
00:13:58,500 --> 00:14:01,130
he's going to know that i'm
a quitter-failure-loser,
316
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,628
unless I hide the cats.
317
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,249
Then I'll only be
a quitter-failure-liar,
318
00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:06,083
which is much better than
a quitter-failure-loser.
319
00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:07,666
You quit?
320
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:10,130
Just because you couldn't take
a bunch of six-week-old kittens?
321
00:14:10,208 --> 00:14:12,208
I think we've
established that, yes.
322
00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,831
Now--
323
00:14:13,917 --> 00:14:16,167
you swore your second oath
to do your duty with enthusiasm,
324
00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,420
respectful of the awesome
responsibility
325
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:22,790
that comes with
serving your community?
326
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:25,165
Oh, for pity's sake,
327
00:14:25,250 --> 00:14:27,960
I'm a quitter.
I'm lower than dirt.
328
00:14:28,041 --> 00:14:29,541
I'm lower than what's
underneath dirt,
329
00:14:29,625 --> 00:14:34,035
and I don't deserve
to be A Junior Boy Ranger.
330
00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:35,955
Are you happy now?
331
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:37,501
Relatively.
332
00:14:37,583 --> 00:14:40,043
Hello? I'm home.
333
00:14:40,125 --> 00:14:42,245
Now will you please
help me?
334
00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:43,883
If Leonard finds out I quit,
335
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:45,829
he'll be mimicking me
for the rest of my life--
336
00:14:45,917 --> 00:14:47,167
badly.
337
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:49,960
It's going to cost you
a few gigabytes of RAM.
338
00:14:50,041 --> 00:14:52,251
Ram, jam...
339
00:14:52,333 --> 00:14:54,133
Something else
that rhymes with ram--
340
00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:56,208
I can't be clever now.
I'm desperate.
341
00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,041
I'll get you
anything you want, blackmailer.
342
00:14:58,125 --> 00:15:00,745
Just help me.
All right, we'll keep quiet,
343
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:02,134
but we won't forget
the shame you brought
344
00:15:02,208 --> 00:15:04,578
to the sacred code
of the Junior Boy Rangers.
345
00:15:04,667 --> 00:15:06,287
How do you know so much
about the secret code
346
00:15:06,375 --> 00:15:08,165
of the Junior Boy Rangers?
347
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:10,290
I use the handbook
to line my cage.
348
00:15:10,375 --> 00:15:13,575
-Anybody here?
-Lenny, home so soon?
349
00:15:13,667 --> 00:15:16,127
Yeah, they let me go
early today
350
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:18,958
as a reward
for the great job I'm doing.
351
00:15:19,041 --> 00:15:22,291
What do you know?
Aah! Me, too.
352
00:15:22,375 --> 00:15:26,455
I tell you-- oh, my job...
353
00:15:26,542 --> 00:15:29,922
Is a 110% joy.
354
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,920
Love it to pieces.
Me, too.
355
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,080
Oh, good.
356
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:36,376
Well, I'm off
to the kitchen.
357
00:15:36,458 --> 00:15:38,748
All that serving the community
made me hungry.
358
00:15:38,834 --> 00:15:40,424
See you.
359
00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:44,625
Oh, what am I going to do?
360
00:15:44,709 --> 00:15:46,999
-What's the matter with you?
-I quit my job.
361
00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:48,543
I couldn't take it anymore.
362
00:15:48,625 --> 00:15:51,035
All day long,
it's TV and cookies--
363
00:15:51,125 --> 00:15:53,075
"Elderly Lawyer," cookies,
364
00:15:53,166 --> 00:15:55,666
"Senior Citizen Detective,"
more cookies,
365
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,920
"This Really Old House,"
more cookies and a fig.
366
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,040
They're nice people,
and they really like me,
367
00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:03,875
but all they do is
talk to me about bad TV shows,
368
00:16:03,959 --> 00:16:06,329
stuff cookies in my mouth,
and pinch my cheek.
369
00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:09,667
Look! I don't know if it'll
ever go back to normal.
370
00:16:09,750 --> 00:16:11,040
So let me get this straight.
371
00:16:11,125 --> 00:16:13,205
A bunch of nice old people
shower you with attention,
372
00:16:13,291 --> 00:16:14,921
and you quit?
373
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,250
I didn't actually quit.
374
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,883
I just told them
I was feeling sick
375
00:16:17,959 --> 00:16:19,209
and left early.
376
00:16:19,291 --> 00:16:21,631
So you weaseled out of it?
That's worse.
377
00:16:21,709 --> 00:16:23,539
Whatever happened to...
378
00:16:25,458 --> 00:16:26,878
"A junior boy ranger
Sees every job
379
00:16:26,959 --> 00:16:28,709
through until completion,
no matter the--"
380
00:16:28,792 --> 00:16:30,292
I can't make out
the rest of this,
381
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:31,415
but you get the point.
382
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:33,040
I know, I know.
383
00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:35,875
I'm so ashamed that I couldn't
do an easy job like that.
384
00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:37,419
I mean, look at Scott.
385
00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:40,170
He was forced to work with cats,
and he didn't quit.
386
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,000
Somebody's going to get
a new motherboard.
387
00:16:42,083 --> 00:16:43,383
Now let's see
how we can help you
388
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:45,958
keep this a secret.
389
00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:47,961
Aah...
390
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,041
Now, please,
391
00:16:50,125 --> 00:16:53,455
don't put your claws
in that region ever again.
392
00:16:53,542 --> 00:16:55,792
Okay, mommy.
393
00:16:55,875 --> 00:16:58,245
I'm not your mommy.
394
00:16:58,333 --> 00:16:59,883
Pretty Boy's right.
395
00:16:59,959 --> 00:17:02,169
I can't just shirk
my responsibility like that.
396
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:03,880
I have to go back there
397
00:17:03,959 --> 00:17:05,629
and meet my problems
face to face.
398
00:17:05,709 --> 00:17:08,329
[all] Hi, Leonard.
399
00:17:08,417 --> 00:17:10,377
Oh, no! Leonard!
400
00:17:10,458 --> 00:17:11,958
Leonard, don't make
such a to-do.
401
00:17:12,041 --> 00:17:13,581
We had no trouble
getting here.
402
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,917
Yeah, my senior scooter
has a sidecar.
403
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,500
Besides, you're sick,
404
00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,543
and we want to help you
feel better.
405
00:17:20,625 --> 00:17:21,915
But--
406
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,170
I'll just put this soup
on the stove.
407
00:17:24,250 --> 00:17:26,040
The stove? In the kitchen?
408
00:17:26,125 --> 00:17:27,995
No, the one
in the crawlspace.
409
00:17:28,083 --> 00:17:29,583
Okay, but I'll go in first.
410
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,917
There could be gas.
411
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,500
Lenny!
Scott! How's it going?
412
00:17:33,583 --> 00:17:35,133
Good, good.
413
00:17:35,250 --> 00:17:37,750
Did I mention
how much I love my job?
414
00:17:37,834 --> 00:17:41,084
I think you did,
and I-I love mine, too.
415
00:17:41,166 --> 00:17:42,916
-Good.
-Good.
416
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,750
-Well, see you.
-See you.
417
00:17:44,834 --> 00:17:46,134
The stove is broken,
418
00:17:46,208 --> 00:17:47,878
but I think I have
a hot plate somewhere.
419
00:17:47,959 --> 00:17:49,129
Follow me.
420
00:17:49,208 --> 00:17:50,748
I haven't moved this much
421
00:17:50,834 --> 00:17:52,674
since the Lindy hop
went out of style.
422
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:54,380
-Right this way.
-Aah!
423
00:17:54,458 --> 00:17:56,878
-Scott!
-Lenny!
424
00:17:56,959 --> 00:18:00,129
[both] How are you? I'm fine.
Love the job. See you around.
425
00:18:00,208 --> 00:18:03,208
This one is going
to cost you plenty.
426
00:18:03,291 --> 00:18:04,921
Sure, whatever, you got it.
427
00:18:07,375 --> 00:18:08,375
Come on.
428
00:18:17,041 --> 00:18:21,881
[mewing]
429
00:18:21,959 --> 00:18:25,539
Uh-huh...
It's not here, either.
430
00:18:25,625 --> 00:18:28,705
Now maybe it's just
my arthritic hip acting up,
431
00:18:28,792 --> 00:18:32,712
but I got a feeling we're not
looking for a hot plate anymore.
432
00:18:32,792 --> 00:18:35,002
No, we're not.
433
00:18:35,083 --> 00:18:36,633
Why don't you tell us
434
00:18:36,709 --> 00:18:39,959
what all this running around
was about, Leonard?
435
00:18:40,041 --> 00:18:42,131
[sighs]
436
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:44,168
I didn't want
my friend Scott to see you,
437
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:47,130
because if he did,
he'd be ashamed of me.
438
00:18:47,208 --> 00:18:49,498
If Leonard saw us, he'd know
I quit my job at the shelter,
439
00:18:49,583 --> 00:18:51,003
and then he'd know that--
440
00:18:51,083 --> 00:18:52,583
you couldn't take it?
441
00:18:52,667 --> 00:18:53,957
After a while,
442
00:18:54,041 --> 00:18:56,251
I got smothered by all
the attention you gave me--
443
00:18:56,333 --> 00:19:00,293
the way you just kept feeding me
and pinching my cheek.
444
00:19:00,375 --> 00:19:02,575
I know.
You're right, kid,
445
00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:05,207
and we're sorry we were
all over you like that.
446
00:19:05,291 --> 00:19:07,211
We'll make it up to you
somehow.
447
00:19:07,291 --> 00:19:10,081
I know-- have a cookie.
448
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:11,746
You have to understand,
Leonard.
449
00:19:11,834 --> 00:19:15,004
If we did go too far,
it's only because we're lonely.
450
00:19:15,083 --> 00:19:17,083
It's been so long
since we've had anyone
451
00:19:17,166 --> 00:19:19,456
to talk to and care for.
452
00:19:19,542 --> 00:19:21,042
Cookie?
453
00:19:22,709 --> 00:19:25,079
Uh, sorry.
Old habits die hard.
454
00:19:25,166 --> 00:19:29,456
You see, nobody ever
took care of us before.
455
00:19:29,542 --> 00:19:31,922
We don't have a mommy.
456
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:35,790
I know, and I'm so sorry,
457
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:39,165
but I can't be your mommy.
I can't be your anything.
458
00:19:39,250 --> 00:19:40,750
I'm not even a boy.
459
00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:42,924
Not a boy?
460
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,290
Didn't you wonder
why I've been able
461
00:19:44,375 --> 00:19:46,625
to talk to you all this time?
462
00:19:46,709 --> 00:19:48,379
It's because
I'm really a dog.
463
00:19:48,458 --> 00:19:50,828
[all screaming]
464
00:19:50,917 --> 00:19:52,877
Okay, okay, I'm a boy.
465
00:19:57,125 --> 00:19:58,955
[all] Phew!
466
00:19:59,041 --> 00:20:02,081
Whoa, I'll think twice
before I pull that stunt again.
467
00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:05,996
Okay, time for
this Junior Boy Ranger
468
00:20:06,083 --> 00:20:07,753
to do something honorable
for a change.
469
00:20:07,834 --> 00:20:10,294
Wait here.
I'll be right back.
470
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:13,125
You stay here. I'm going
to straighten this out.
471
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,000
-Leonard?
-Scott?
472
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:17,543
-Hi.
-Hi.
473
00:20:17,625 --> 00:20:19,125
Lenny, I have something to--
474
00:20:19,208 --> 00:20:21,168
to confess? Me, too.
475
00:20:21,166 --> 00:20:22,626
Confess?
476
00:20:22,709 --> 00:20:25,709
They can't confess.
I need my new cd-rom drive.
477
00:20:27,917 --> 00:20:30,417
I'm going to get on that
computer and order some thumbs.
478
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:33,540
Well, thanks for sharing
with me, Leonard.
479
00:20:33,625 --> 00:20:36,125
It's good to know
I wasn't alone in my shame.
480
00:20:36,208 --> 00:20:37,288
Me, too.
481
00:20:37,375 --> 00:20:39,245
Now what are we going to do
to take responsibility
482
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:42,543
and do our duty?
483
00:20:42,625 --> 00:20:45,325
Well, you have
nice lonely old people
484
00:20:45,417 --> 00:20:47,247
who need someone
to take care of.
485
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:51,133
And you have kittens who need
someone to take care of them.
486
00:20:51,208 --> 00:20:52,998
We could put them together.
487
00:20:53,083 --> 00:20:55,083
Yes! Do you think
it could work?
488
00:20:55,166 --> 00:20:56,286
I don't know.
489
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:59,075
I could run to the library
and do some research
490
00:20:59,166 --> 00:21:00,826
on the comparative benefits
491
00:21:00,917 --> 00:21:04,077
of pairing up orphan kittens
with lonely senior citizens.
492
00:21:06,291 --> 00:21:10,171
[mewing]
493
00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:12,080
-Or not.
-Hey, look.
494
00:21:12,166 --> 00:21:15,036
This one likes
to play with my teeth.
495
00:21:16,542 --> 00:21:18,172
And I present the comeback
496
00:21:18,250 --> 00:21:20,130
Junior Boy Ranger
of the year award
497
00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:23,038
to Leonard Helperman
and Scott Leadready II
498
00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:25,035
for putting
some lovely kittens together
499
00:21:25,125 --> 00:21:27,075
with some lovely people,
500
00:21:27,166 --> 00:21:29,996
thereby rescuing their
Junior Boy Rangers careers
501
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:34,253
from the ashes of cowardice,
dishonor, and ignominy.
502
00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:38,673
Thank you. I'm very proud...
And very ashamed.
503
00:21:38,750 --> 00:21:41,330
I hereby award the Junior Boy
Ranger of the year award
504
00:21:41,417 --> 00:21:43,917
and a 10% discount
on any new accident policy
505
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,460
at Steve Kanickee Insurance,
506
00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:48,042
where we can't spell customer
without "u,"
507
00:21:48,125 --> 00:21:49,955
to Ian Wazalusky
for his outstanding service
508
00:21:50,041 --> 00:21:52,711
to the East Westland
Rare Book Library.
509
00:21:52,792 --> 00:21:54,332
[all cheering]
510
00:21:54,417 --> 00:21:56,417
Sorry about
all the paper cuts, son.
511
00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:58,460
Ha ha! I won!
512
00:21:58,542 --> 00:22:00,502
I'm king of the world.
513
00:22:00,583 --> 00:22:03,293
Junior Boy Ranger of the year!
514
00:22:03,375 --> 00:22:04,745
Looks like you also won
515
00:22:04,834 --> 00:22:07,714
the poor sport of the year
award, Ian. I'll take that.
516
00:22:07,792 --> 00:22:13,422
Oh, when am I going to learn
to keep my big wide mouth shut?
37168
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