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♪ Born on the wrong end
Of the leash ♪
2
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-♪ He was a dreamer ♪
-♪ And a little schemer ♪
3
00:00:04,375 --> 00:00:05,665
♪ A nutty mutt living a dog's life ♪
4
00:00:05,750 --> 00:00:07,420
♪ But when he'd hear the bell for school ♪
5
00:00:07,500 --> 00:00:08,330
♪ He'd start to drool ♪
6
00:00:08,417 --> 00:00:09,827
-♪ One day he says ♪
-♪ I'll take a chance ♪
7
00:00:09,917 --> 00:00:11,747
♪ Trades his leash
For a pair of pants ♪
8
00:00:11,834 --> 00:00:14,174
♪ In a glance, school becomes
His favorite pastime ♪
9
00:00:14,250 --> 00:00:16,580
♪ I have buried a bone
For the last time ♪
10
00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:17,997
-♪ He says ♪
-♪ I want to be a boy ♪
11
00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:19,833
♪ Ooh, he's bad ♪
12
00:00:19,917 --> 00:00:21,207
♪ He's so over just being rover ♪
13
00:00:21,291 --> 00:00:22,581
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
14
00:00:22,667 --> 00:00:25,207
♪ He says he's just gonna be a boy ♪
15
00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:26,671
♪ Turns out he's a regular Einstein ♪
16
00:00:26,750 --> 00:00:28,710
♪ And Leonard is treading a fine line ♪
17
00:00:28,792 --> 00:00:30,962
Why can't I be a normal kid
like any other?
18
00:00:31,041 --> 00:00:33,041
Now, doodle bug, listen to mother.
19
00:00:33,125 --> 00:00:34,915
♪ I want to be a boy ♪
20
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:36,750
I hate dogs.
21
00:00:36,834 --> 00:00:39,714
♪ I gotta be a boy ♪
22
00:00:39,792 --> 00:00:41,462
♪ This power pup's gonna be a boy ♪
23
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,462
I do not wish to be a dog.
24
00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:46,082
♪ Now this bowser's ready for trousers ♪
25
00:00:46,166 --> 00:00:47,496
♪ I got to be a boy ♪
26
00:00:47,583 --> 00:00:49,083
♪ His nose is wet but you can bet ♪
27
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:52,206
♪ This teacher's pet is gonna be a boy ♪
28
00:00:52,291 --> 00:00:54,131
Yes!
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[opera playing]
30
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,631
[humming]
31
00:01:23,709 --> 00:01:26,539
And a fine good morning
to you, brer bird.
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00:01:26,625 --> 00:01:29,035
I have had a delightful night's sleep,
33
00:01:29,125 --> 00:01:31,625
a lovely visit to the little boy's box,
34
00:01:31,709 --> 00:01:33,249
and now -- ha ha ha --
35
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:36,883
I am ready to commence
with my ritual morning scratch.
36
00:01:41,458 --> 00:01:42,788
[sighs] Here we go.
37
00:01:42,875 --> 00:01:45,455
Every morning without fail,
out come the claws.
38
00:01:45,542 --> 00:01:46,672
Dig-pull, dig-pull.
39
00:01:46,750 --> 00:01:48,670
"Gee, I miss my mother's milk!"
40
00:01:48,750 --> 00:01:53,000
Is there anything more annoying
than a cat and his cat post?
41
00:01:53,083 --> 00:01:55,633
[Mr. Jolly] Oh, I don't know.
Perhaps...That!
42
00:01:55,709 --> 00:01:56,829
What?
43
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,327
The incessant obsessive/compulsive banging
44
00:01:59,417 --> 00:02:02,077
of your pointy beak against
the spherical aggregation
45
00:02:02,166 --> 00:02:03,666
of little foam bucky balls!
46
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:06,250
Pick-peck, pick-peck, pick-peck!
Pick, pick, pick!
47
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:08,003
Dig-pull, dig-pull,
dig-dig-pull!
48
00:02:08,083 --> 00:02:09,383
Pick, pick, pick, pick!
49
00:02:09,458 --> 00:02:10,538
Dig, dig, dig, dig, dig!
50
00:02:10,625 --> 00:02:13,375
Like your miserable floor-hugging
life depended on it!
51
00:02:13,458 --> 00:02:17,328
I don't need to scratch,
I choose to scratch.
52
00:02:17,417 --> 00:02:20,747
I can stop any time I want,
unlike you, seed bell slave!
53
00:02:20,834 --> 00:02:23,004
Ha! I ain't no slave to nothin'.
54
00:02:23,083 --> 00:02:24,833
I can stop pecking right now
and never peck again,
55
00:02:24,917 --> 00:02:26,377
and you know why?
56
00:02:26,458 --> 00:02:28,288
'Cause birds have self-control,
not like you cats!
57
00:02:28,375 --> 00:02:30,415
-Do so.
-Do not! Look at you!
58
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:32,290
You're scratching right now,
and you don't even know it.
59
00:02:32,375 --> 00:02:36,665
Oh, don't be silly.
I am not-- oh, no!
60
00:02:36,750 --> 00:02:37,790
See what I mean?
61
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:40,915
You don't control that carpet-on-a-stick.
62
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,290
It controls you!
63
00:02:42,375 --> 00:02:45,455
I will not be controlled! I'll give it up.
64
00:02:45,542 --> 00:02:47,632
I swear, I can go without it.
65
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:50,539
Yeah, right. For how long?
66
00:02:50,625 --> 00:02:54,245
Well, for as long as you can go
without pecking your seed bell.
67
00:02:54,333 --> 00:02:56,423
What? Wh-what would that prove?
68
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,790
Ha ha ha! See? I knew it. You're afraid.
69
00:02:58,875 --> 00:03:01,495
You feathery fellows talk a good game,
70
00:03:01,583 --> 00:03:05,133
but when push comes to shove,
you can't stop pecking, can you?
71
00:03:05,208 --> 00:03:07,208
I can! Longer than you can!
72
00:03:07,291 --> 00:03:09,711
Ooh, battle of the wills?
I rise to the challenge.
73
00:03:09,792 --> 00:03:12,132
Let's just see who's the stronger species,
74
00:03:12,208 --> 00:03:15,708
who can go the longest without
doing that which he loves most.
75
00:03:15,792 --> 00:03:17,042
Starting when?
76
00:03:17,125 --> 00:03:20,245
Right after this.
77
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:32,460
"When I, Odysseus,
78
00:03:32,542 --> 00:03:37,582
was sailing home to fair Ithaca
with my weary men,
79
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:42,707
we heard the tempting song
of the siren women."
80
00:03:42,792 --> 00:03:44,542
[imitating siren's song]
81
00:03:47,250 --> 00:03:49,460
"I had to be lashed to the mast
82
00:03:49,542 --> 00:03:52,462
and stuff wax in my sailors' ears
83
00:03:52,542 --> 00:03:55,002
so we wouldn't be lured to our doom
84
00:03:55,083 --> 00:03:58,133
and end up a pile of bleached bones
85
00:03:58,208 --> 00:03:59,958
on the temptress's beach."
86
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:03,957
And that, I believe,
87
00:04:04,041 --> 00:04:07,961
is why we have wax in our ears
to this very day!
88
00:04:08,041 --> 00:04:12,171
And FYI-- It's an excellent
medium for modeling
89
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:14,170
if you run out of clay.
90
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,130
[all] Eww!
91
00:04:16,208 --> 00:04:18,708
Hey, just stating the facts.
92
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,582
Ha ha! Well... Thank you, Ian.
93
00:04:21,667 --> 00:04:26,167
Ha ha! And, um, if anyone has...
Touched Ian's model,
94
00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:29,380
please wash your hands before snack.
95
00:04:29,458 --> 00:04:30,328
Ha ha!
96
00:04:30,417 --> 00:04:31,827
[ring]
97
00:04:31,917 --> 00:04:33,497
Hello.
98
00:04:33,583 --> 00:04:34,673
[gibberish]
99
00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,040
Yes, indeedy-do.
100
00:04:36,125 --> 00:04:37,455
All righty-rooney.
101
00:04:37,542 --> 00:04:40,882
Doesn't your mom ever just say "okay"?
102
00:04:40,959 --> 00:04:44,079
Okey-deeky-docky-Doe!
I'll send someone right away.
103
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,956
Well, everyone,
the office needs a volunteer
104
00:04:47,041 --> 00:04:48,881
to run down to the kindergarten
105
00:04:48,959 --> 00:04:51,249
and pick up today's hot lunch count.
106
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,253
[all] Me!
107
00:04:52,333 --> 00:04:55,543
Ookey-dook. Let's see...
108
00:04:55,625 --> 00:04:58,125
Well, this time I think
I'll choose Leonard and Scott.
109
00:04:58,208 --> 00:04:59,168
Ha ha ha!
110
00:04:59,250 --> 00:05:00,830
No dawdling, now!
111
00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:03,127
You heard the woman. Come on! Ondelay!
112
00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:05,878
We have a kindergarten
lunch count to tally, man!
113
00:05:05,959 --> 00:05:06,919
And then, math.
114
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,460
Scott, there's something you need to learn
115
00:05:09,542 --> 00:05:10,962
about being a fourth-grader.
116
00:05:11,041 --> 00:05:13,791
The whole point of volunteering
for a job like this
117
00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:15,875
isn't to rush right out and do it
118
00:05:15,959 --> 00:05:18,079
and rush right back
so you don't miss math.
119
00:05:18,166 --> 00:05:19,166
It isn't?
120
00:05:19,250 --> 00:05:20,790
No. The whole point is to dawdle --
121
00:05:20,875 --> 00:05:22,705
you get a little drink of water...
122
00:05:26,291 --> 00:05:28,211
Tie your shoelaces...
123
00:05:28,291 --> 00:05:30,501
Slam a few lockers...
124
00:05:33,583 --> 00:05:36,673
Say "ha ha!" To the guys stuck in class...
125
00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:37,750
Ha ha!
126
00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:41,174
Then get all the way down
to the kindergarten,
127
00:05:41,250 --> 00:05:42,790
come all the way back,
128
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,535
remember you forgot the lunch count,
129
00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:48,575
go all the way back
to the kindergarten again,
130
00:05:48,667 --> 00:05:51,037
then when you get back, math is over!
131
00:05:51,125 --> 00:05:52,575
Miss math?
132
00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:56,877
But if dawdling is what
fourth-graders do, so be it.
133
00:05:56,959 --> 00:05:58,419
♪ La la la ♪
134
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:03,790
This here hallway sure gets
mighty pretty this time of year.
135
00:06:03,875 --> 00:06:05,075
Yes, sir!
136
00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,040
Here you go, Scott.
137
00:06:08,125 --> 00:06:09,375
Thank you.
138
00:06:09,458 --> 00:06:11,288
Please sign by the "X's"
and initial here
139
00:06:11,375 --> 00:06:13,745
to acknowledge dispatch
of today's official
140
00:06:13,834 --> 00:06:15,544
kindergarten hot lunch tally.
141
00:06:18,333 --> 00:06:19,583
You're good!
142
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:21,287
No one here ever got past three.
143
00:06:21,375 --> 00:06:23,285
Eli almost did four one time,
144
00:06:23,375 --> 00:06:25,245
but then they fell on his toe
145
00:06:25,333 --> 00:06:27,833
and he had to go to the nurse to get ice.
146
00:06:27,917 --> 00:06:30,167
I'm going to make it someday.
Just you watch!
147
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:32,460
Let's go, Leonard. If we hurry,
148
00:06:32,542 --> 00:06:35,172
we can still copy all the math
problems off the board
149
00:06:35,250 --> 00:06:36,540
before she erases them,
150
00:06:36,625 --> 00:06:39,125
so we won't have to miss
any of our homework tonight!
151
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:40,210
Hee hee hee hee!
152
00:06:40,291 --> 00:06:42,331
What kind of fourth-grader is he?
153
00:06:42,417 --> 00:06:44,497
The annoying kind.
154
00:06:44,583 --> 00:06:46,543
Ha ha! You're funny!
155
00:06:46,625 --> 00:06:48,325
Yeah, well, bye.
156
00:06:48,417 --> 00:06:50,877
Wait! Don't go! Stay for milk.
157
00:06:50,959 --> 00:06:52,669
Uh... Maybe some other time.
158
00:06:55,875 --> 00:06:58,665
You want to help me out here, Scott?
159
00:06:58,750 --> 00:06:59,880
Okay. Um...
160
00:06:59,959 --> 00:07:02,749
Hey, look! The silkworms are hatching!
161
00:07:02,834 --> 00:07:03,754
They are?
162
00:07:03,834 --> 00:07:04,794
Ha ha ha.
163
00:07:04,875 --> 00:07:07,245
Kindergarteners are too easy.
164
00:07:07,333 --> 00:07:11,043
So, I see you got a girlfriend!
165
00:07:11,125 --> 00:07:12,455
She's not my girlfriend.
166
00:07:12,542 --> 00:07:14,132
She's just a little kindergartener
167
00:07:14,208 --> 00:07:16,498
who's never seen a guy
stack blocks before.
168
00:07:16,583 --> 00:07:18,463
Oh, yeah, sure.
169
00:07:18,542 --> 00:07:20,252
Leonard and some-little-kindergartener
170
00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:21,503
who's-never-seen-a-guy-
stack-blocks-before
171
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:24,083
sittin' in a tree! K-i--
172
00:07:24,166 --> 00:07:25,326
I thought you wanted to get back to math.
173
00:07:25,417 --> 00:07:27,497
This is more fun.
174
00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,003
K-i-s-s--
175
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:32,963
I swear, if you ever want me to
throw you a tennis ball again--
176
00:07:33,041 --> 00:07:33,961
All right, all right.
177
00:07:34,041 --> 00:07:35,211
I-n-g!
178
00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:38,421
See? I can so act like
a fourth-grader, smarty-pants!
179
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,580
First comes love,
180
00:07:39,667 --> 00:07:41,707
then comes marriage, then comes more
181
00:07:41,792 --> 00:07:44,712
little-kindergarteners
who've-never-seen-a-guy
182
00:07:44,792 --> 00:07:47,042
stack-blocks-before
in a baby carriage!
183
00:07:53,375 --> 00:07:57,415
I must be strong. I mustn't be tempted.
184
00:07:57,500 --> 00:08:00,330
Ooh, but just look at you.
185
00:08:00,417 --> 00:08:02,957
How I remember the joy, the comfort,
186
00:08:03,041 --> 00:08:06,751
the almost zen-like sense
of oneness with the universe
187
00:08:06,834 --> 00:08:10,134
that came from scratching you,
dear, dear post.
188
00:08:10,208 --> 00:08:14,128
But then, not scratching gives
me an even better feeling --
189
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:17,828
a feeling of self-control,
of my own inner power.
190
00:08:17,917 --> 00:08:21,537
I don't need you and your warm nylon pile
191
00:08:21,625 --> 00:08:25,535
clinging to my rough unsharpened claws...
192
00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:27,535
Polishing them, caressing them...
193
00:08:27,625 --> 00:08:30,205
Loving them!
194
00:08:30,291 --> 00:08:31,961
[sobbing]
195
00:08:32,041 --> 00:08:34,251
I... want... my... post!
196
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:36,383
I... need... my... post!
197
00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:39,958
I'm suffering from post-post trauma.
198
00:08:40,041 --> 00:08:42,041
You are so pathetic.
199
00:08:42,125 --> 00:08:44,705
You have no self-control whatsoever.
200
00:08:47,375 --> 00:08:49,495
It wasn't enough I had to have
201
00:08:49,583 --> 00:08:52,333
Cardboard brand Healthy-O's
for breakfast.
202
00:08:52,417 --> 00:08:55,707
She made me a tofu and alfalfa
sprout salad for lunch.
203
00:08:55,792 --> 00:08:58,212
I haven't had anything bad to eat all day!
204
00:08:58,291 --> 00:08:59,211
Look!
205
00:08:59,291 --> 00:09:02,291
[heavenly chorus sings]
206
00:09:04,333 --> 00:09:06,543
Sour peachy gummy slugs.
207
00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:09,745
And hot caramel apple sticks.
208
00:09:09,834 --> 00:09:11,544
I've got 2 cents.
209
00:09:11,625 --> 00:09:13,495
I've got 3 cents.
210
00:09:13,583 --> 00:09:17,713
[both reading]
211
00:09:19,625 --> 00:09:21,535
We can buy one and split it.
212
00:09:21,625 --> 00:09:24,245
Okay, but how do you split a jawcracker?
213
00:09:24,333 --> 00:09:26,833
Easy. One of us sucks the first half,
214
00:09:26,917 --> 00:09:29,707
the other one sucks the second half.
215
00:09:29,792 --> 00:09:32,632
Okay... but how do we decide
who gets to--
216
00:09:32,709 --> 00:09:35,169
I call first suck! Tap, tap, tap!
217
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:37,710
No erasies! Trademark registered!
218
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:49,792
♪ You try to cause my call ♪
219
00:09:49,875 --> 00:09:51,625
♪ Ring my bell ♪
220
00:09:51,709 --> 00:09:55,459
♪ I thought you were a good boy,
But you never can tell ♪
221
00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:57,712
♪ You're so naughty... ♪
222
00:09:57,792 --> 00:10:01,792
Mmm. You're really going
to enjoy this, Leonard.
223
00:10:01,875 --> 00:10:03,785
My dog is a rat.
224
00:10:03,875 --> 00:10:06,035
My dog's a cairn terrier.
225
00:10:06,125 --> 00:10:08,625
Hi, Leonard. Want some jawcrackers?
226
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,079
I don't have any money left.
227
00:10:11,166 --> 00:10:12,376
That's okay.
228
00:10:12,458 --> 00:10:15,788
My dad lets me give them
to my special friends.
229
00:10:15,875 --> 00:10:18,165
Your dad is the dad in dad's?
230
00:10:18,250 --> 00:10:19,210
Wow!
231
00:10:19,291 --> 00:10:21,131
And you can have a really lot
232
00:10:21,208 --> 00:10:24,458
'cause you're my really,
really special friend.
233
00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:34,884
[singing siren song]
234
00:10:34,959 --> 00:10:36,329
Okay!
235
00:10:39,583 --> 00:10:40,833
Say, Leonard,
236
00:10:40,917 --> 00:10:43,917
are you as good at stickers
as you are at building blocks?
237
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:47,420
'Cause I got a new
flower fairy book in the back,
238
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,540
and I could sure use
a fourth-grader's help.
239
00:10:50,625 --> 00:10:52,415
Go for it, Lenny baby!
240
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:57,040
There is no such thing
as free candy in this world.
241
00:10:57,125 --> 00:11:00,455
Besides, your friend Scott
is waiting for you. Look!
242
00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:09,075
Go on, crunch it.
It's just the right size.
243
00:11:09,166 --> 00:11:10,746
No! That's not right.
244
00:11:10,834 --> 00:11:14,174
You know you promised Leonard
second suck.
245
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,830
Aw, the heck with Leonard!
246
00:11:15,917 --> 00:11:18,497
Look at him in there--
about to ditch you
247
00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:20,963
for a little girl with
a jarful of jawcrackers.
248
00:11:21,041 --> 00:11:22,081
Don't be a sap!
249
00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:24,706
You're good buddy out there
is about to crunch!
250
00:11:53,709 --> 00:11:57,039
[groans]
251
00:11:57,125 --> 00:12:01,575
It's been two days
since last I scratched my post.
252
00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,667
Aah! Look at these things.
253
00:12:03,750 --> 00:12:09,670
Ragged and shredding, splitting down...
254
00:12:09,750 --> 00:12:11,040
[groans]
255
00:12:11,125 --> 00:12:13,875
Mama said there'd be days like this.
256
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,917
Oh, now I see what you like about this.
257
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,710
Mmm! Polished to a burnished glow!
258
00:12:24,792 --> 00:12:28,132
Hey, I can see myself in my claws!
259
00:12:28,208 --> 00:12:33,538
You are so unspeakably cruel,
Pretty Boy Helperman.
260
00:12:33,625 --> 00:12:36,875
Well, well, two can play
that nasty little game.
261
00:12:36,959 --> 00:12:39,629
Pbht!
262
00:12:39,709 --> 00:12:43,829
Mmm, mmm, mmm! Seedy! Delicious!
263
00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:48,790
Aah! Ick! Gak!
264
00:12:50,750 --> 00:12:53,040
And my claws aren't sharp.
I have to get them out!
265
00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:03,827
[laughing]
266
00:13:05,667 --> 00:13:08,747
I should have thought of
this years ago.
267
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,081
Go on, take it! He's gone!
268
00:13:14,166 --> 00:13:16,956
I can't. That's cheating.
269
00:13:17,041 --> 00:13:19,581
What do you care? You cheat all the time!
270
00:13:19,667 --> 00:13:21,747
Wait a minute. Isn't one of you
supposed to be an angel?
271
00:13:21,834 --> 00:13:25,464
Your angel quit! You were too big a pain!
272
00:13:25,542 --> 00:13:28,292
Well, I'll show that angel!
I'll show all of youse!
273
00:13:28,375 --> 00:13:31,785
No scratchy for the kitty,
no seedy for the birdie!
274
00:13:38,458 --> 00:13:39,878
Oh, honey-bunny,
275
00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:43,749
I can't understand why you have
such a bad tummy ache.
276
00:13:43,834 --> 00:13:45,834
What did you eat today?
277
00:13:45,917 --> 00:13:51,327
Um... Nothing I remember.
278
00:13:51,417 --> 00:13:54,247
["Dance of the Sugarplum Fairies" playing]
279
00:14:07,709 --> 00:14:09,419
Normally, I wouldn't do this,
280
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:13,210
but if my baby's coming down
with some yucky bug,
281
00:14:13,291 --> 00:14:16,791
then maybe this will make him
feel a little bit better.
282
00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:18,785
Sour peachy gummy slugs!
283
00:14:18,875 --> 00:14:20,495
Your favorite! Ha ha ha!
284
00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:23,423
An adorable little
kindergartener and her dad
285
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:24,750
just dropped them off,
286
00:14:24,834 --> 00:14:27,834
and you think you're not
popular at that school!
287
00:14:27,917 --> 00:14:29,747
Ohh... This is all your fault!
288
00:14:29,834 --> 00:14:31,584
What? What did I do?
289
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:34,417
The devil said if you crunched
the jawcracker,
290
00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:35,630
I should take the candy.
291
00:14:35,709 --> 00:14:38,329
Well, my devil said if you were
going to take all candy,
292
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:40,377
I might as well crunch the jawcracker!
293
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:43,000
He's a liar! Don't trust him!
294
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:44,383
Trust me.
295
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,750
I'm your real friend.
296
00:14:45,834 --> 00:14:48,884
Come on! Let's take him and his devil on!
297
00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:51,379
No! Leonard's my friend!
298
00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:54,748
You're just an evil projection
of my shadow side,
299
00:14:54,834 --> 00:14:58,634
luring me down the dark path
to my worser nature.
300
00:14:58,709 --> 00:15:02,959
Get thee behind me, devil spot!
Begone, and don't come back!
301
00:15:03,041 --> 00:15:05,961
Aah! Oh, what a world!
302
00:15:06,041 --> 00:15:08,711
Wow, that was easier than you'd think.
303
00:15:08,792 --> 00:15:12,132
Okay, I have an idea
of how we can get you better.
304
00:15:12,208 --> 00:15:15,328
He doesn't! He doesn't!
Only I can get you well!
305
00:15:15,417 --> 00:15:17,327
First, go like this.
306
00:15:21,834 --> 00:15:22,714
Ha ha ha ha.
307
00:15:22,792 --> 00:15:25,292
Okay, now about that tummy ache...
308
00:15:25,375 --> 00:15:27,745
It's not the candy that's making
you feel all sick inside,
309
00:15:27,834 --> 00:15:31,174
it's the fact that you're taking
advantage of a little girl
310
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,290
by letting her think you care about her,
311
00:15:33,375 --> 00:15:35,665
when all you really care about
is the candy.
312
00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:37,080
You know he's right.
313
00:15:37,166 --> 00:15:38,076
No, no!
314
00:15:38,166 --> 00:15:39,626
Him we like.
315
00:15:39,709 --> 00:15:41,919
I know you guys are right.
It was fun at first,
316
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:44,710
but the price of free candy's
just too high.
317
00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,632
I look down at Emma's grubby little hands,
318
00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:48,919
finger painting hearts
319
00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,290
with some of the letters
of my name spelled backward,
320
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:55,575
and I just feel dirty,
dirtier than her fingernails.
321
00:15:55,667 --> 00:15:56,787
And that's dirty.
322
00:15:56,875 --> 00:15:57,785
Leave it to me.
323
00:15:57,875 --> 00:16:00,205
I'll help you out of this, buddy.
324
00:16:05,166 --> 00:16:06,496
[school bell rings]
325
00:16:06,583 --> 00:16:07,923
Now listen, sweetheart.
326
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,420
I know it feels like Leonard's
the only guy in the world,
327
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,420
the only block in the block bin,
328
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,960
but that's just because you're 5 years old
329
00:16:16,041 --> 00:16:17,751
and you haven't experienced
330
00:16:17,834 --> 00:16:20,134
all the blocks the world has to offer.
331
00:16:20,208 --> 00:16:22,328
Look! There's big ones and little ones,
332
00:16:22,417 --> 00:16:24,287
cones and cylinders,
333
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,747
and smiley shapes that tip when
you lay them on their backs.
334
00:16:27,834 --> 00:16:30,794
See? It's a beautiful world
full of magic and wonder,
335
00:16:30,917 --> 00:16:33,537
so don't limit yourself
to just one block.
336
00:16:33,667 --> 00:16:34,747
Experience them all!
337
00:16:34,834 --> 00:16:37,544
I guess you're right.
I don't really love Leonard.
338
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:39,537
Of course you don't.
339
00:16:39,667 --> 00:16:42,627
I love you! Your tower
is lots bigger than his was!
340
00:16:42,709 --> 00:16:45,629
[bell rings]
341
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:52,790
What's recess without a peachy gummy slug?
342
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,630
I brought you dessert, Scott.
343
00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:05,753
You didn't think
344
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:08,634
I'd make you go all afternoon
without a candy break?
345
00:17:10,750 --> 00:17:13,080
Licorice lines!
346
00:17:15,792 --> 00:17:18,882
I know what's making you feel sick.
347
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:20,249
It's the guilt that comes
348
00:17:20,333 --> 00:17:22,253
from taking advantage of a little girl
349
00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:24,333
by letting her think you care about her,
350
00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:26,667
when all you really
care about is her candy.
351
00:17:26,750 --> 00:17:29,540
Oh, no. Look at all those
wrappers in the closet.
352
00:17:29,667 --> 00:17:30,707
It's the candy.
353
00:17:30,834 --> 00:17:33,214
Well, you helped me out when I needed it,
354
00:17:33,291 --> 00:17:35,421
so now it's my turn to help you.
355
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:37,420
You're going to take her back?
356
00:17:37,542 --> 00:17:39,922
No. I'm going to eat
the rest of this candy
357
00:17:40,041 --> 00:17:41,331
before you can get to it.
358
00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:44,788
Hey! I was saving that for later...
359
00:17:44,875 --> 00:17:47,285
After I stop feeling sick!
360
00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:48,625
Hey, there, Charlie,
361
00:17:48,709 --> 00:17:51,039
how come you're sitting like that?
362
00:17:51,125 --> 00:17:53,955
Like what? I'm not sitting
any particular way,
363
00:17:54,083 --> 00:17:55,463
hiding my claws or anything,
364
00:17:55,583 --> 00:17:57,463
as if they looked horrid and unkempt
365
00:17:57,583 --> 00:17:58,833
and there was something to be ashamed of
366
00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:02,787
because, uh, there isn't, and I'm not.
367
00:18:02,917 --> 00:18:05,827
[sobbing] I'm so ashamed!
368
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:07,709
Look, if you dare!
369
00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:09,134
Whoo! Charlie!
370
00:18:09,250 --> 00:18:11,080
What have they done to you?
371
00:18:11,208 --> 00:18:13,998
What have they done to me?
What have I done to myself?
372
00:18:14,125 --> 00:18:16,245
Me and my silly feline pride.
373
00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:18,875
I thought I was stronger than a bird,
374
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,130
but what price pride?
375
00:18:20,250 --> 00:18:22,130
Look at these claws.
376
00:18:22,208 --> 00:18:27,378
There's nothing to be proud of,
so I shall humbly admit defeat.
377
00:18:27,458 --> 00:18:29,538
The canary has won.
378
00:18:29,625 --> 00:18:32,125
I must scratch again.
379
00:18:36,208 --> 00:18:37,538
Caraway.
380
00:18:37,625 --> 00:18:39,415
Oh... Millet!
381
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,040
Mmm, good!
382
00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:42,375
Hello!
383
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:46,420
I, uh, I was, uh,
just straightening the bell.
384
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:48,130
Ha ha ha! Straightening the bell.
385
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:51,168
That is so like a bird,
with the lame excuses.
386
00:18:51,250 --> 00:18:54,420
Admit it, my friend--
I am stronger than you.
387
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:57,170
Cats are stronger than canaries!
388
00:18:57,291 --> 00:18:59,211
Ahem...
389
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:04,578
All right, we're both weak.
390
00:19:04,667 --> 00:19:05,917
Yeah, I guess we are,
391
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,420
but I'm a lot weaker than you are!
392
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,420
No, no, I'm far the weaker.
393
00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:12,002
Look how much I missed
my silly seed bell!
394
00:19:12,083 --> 00:19:13,463
Not a fraction of how much
I missed my carpet-on-a-stick!
395
00:19:13,542 --> 00:19:14,752
Pick-peck, pick-peck,
pick-peck-pick!
396
00:19:14,875 --> 00:19:16,995
Dig-pull, dig-pull,
dig, dig, dig!
397
00:19:17,125 --> 00:19:19,075
Dig-pull, dig-pull!
398
00:19:19,166 --> 00:19:21,576
Pick-peck, pick-peck!
399
00:19:25,291 --> 00:19:27,461
This plan is going to work for sure,
400
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:30,132
and then that sweet little kindergartener
401
00:19:30,208 --> 00:19:31,998
will be just a sweet memory.
402
00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:34,543
See what I just did there,
with the sweet and the sweet?
403
00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:36,207
Candy... sweet?
404
00:19:38,417 --> 00:19:39,917
Now...
405
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,170
[clears throat]
406
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:44,170
"I know it feels like Scott Leadready
407
00:19:44,250 --> 00:19:46,540
is the only guy in the--"
408
00:19:46,625 --> 00:19:49,285
Wall? Well?
409
00:19:49,417 --> 00:19:50,247
World?
410
00:19:50,375 --> 00:19:51,535
Yeah! Yeah, that works.
411
00:19:51,625 --> 00:19:55,285
"But that's just because
you're five tears bold --"
412
00:19:55,417 --> 00:19:56,957
no, that can't be right.
413
00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:58,173
Oh! "Five years old!"
414
00:19:58,291 --> 00:20:00,751
[snorting] I'm such a ninny.
415
00:20:00,834 --> 00:20:05,084
"And you haven't experienced
the beautiful world
416
00:20:05,166 --> 00:20:07,956
full of wonder and maggots--"
417
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,331
and magic--"
418
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:10,667
Oh, shoot!
419
00:20:10,750 --> 00:20:13,540
I thought it was getting good
there for a second.
420
00:20:13,667 --> 00:20:16,127
"So don't limit yourself.
Experience everything..."
421
00:20:16,208 --> 00:20:18,248
Blah, blah, blah. Okay, gimme some candy!
422
00:20:18,375 --> 00:20:20,535
When Scott said it, it sounded nice.
423
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:24,075
When you said it, it just sounded yucky.
424
00:20:24,166 --> 00:20:26,076
I'm getting the impression
425
00:20:26,166 --> 00:20:28,076
there's no gummy slugs
at the end of this deal.
426
00:20:28,166 --> 00:20:30,576
It just makes me like Scott all the more,
427
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:31,877
forever and ever.
428
00:20:31,959 --> 00:20:33,209
Oh, for--
429
00:20:33,291 --> 00:20:36,461
why did you have to go and
make me so darned lovable?
430
00:20:36,583 --> 00:20:38,713
You know what you've got to do.
431
00:20:38,834 --> 00:20:41,794
I've got to bite the bullet
and give it to her straight,
432
00:20:41,917 --> 00:20:45,957
even if it means breaking her
cute little 5-year-old heart.
433
00:20:48,709 --> 00:20:49,919
Emma.
434
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,540
Hi, Scott. I brought you
some Cruncha Reenios.
435
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,457
Darn! My favorite!
436
00:20:54,583 --> 00:20:57,213
Emma, I can't take your Buncha Reenios.
437
00:20:57,291 --> 00:20:59,251
Freshly made this morning.
438
00:20:59,375 --> 00:21:00,455
Okay, just one.
439
00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:02,793
No! I mean--
440
00:21:02,917 --> 00:21:04,037
No, thank you.
441
00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:06,415
You see, I don't really--
442
00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:08,750
I mean, I never really--
443
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:12,504
Oh, this is very hard
for me to say to you, but--
444
00:21:12,583 --> 00:21:13,543
I did it!
445
00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:15,077
Seven blocks high!
446
00:21:15,166 --> 00:21:16,956
Seven blocks? Wow!
447
00:21:17,083 --> 00:21:19,673
And he's just a kindergartener.
448
00:21:19,750 --> 00:21:23,210
Scott, this is very hard
for me to say to you,
449
00:21:23,291 --> 00:21:26,461
but, well, I'm friends
with Eli now. See ya!
450
00:21:26,583 --> 00:21:29,083
Hey, Eli, want some buncha reenios?
451
00:21:29,166 --> 00:21:30,456
Sure!
452
00:21:30,583 --> 00:21:33,173
Oh, seven blocks is nothing, little girl!
453
00:21:33,250 --> 00:21:35,040
I can do eight! Watch me!
454
00:21:38,709 --> 00:21:41,669
All right, just give me a sec.
It's been a few years.
455
00:21:41,792 --> 00:21:43,292
So here I go.
456
00:21:43,375 --> 00:21:45,165
Buncha Reenios... Buncha Reenios...
457
00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:47,460
You do it for the Buncha Reenios!
458
00:21:47,542 --> 00:21:49,422
Come on, Ian,
459
00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,290
let's get you out of here while
you still have some pride left.
460
00:21:52,417 --> 00:21:55,497
But Buncha Reenios, guys...
461
00:21:55,625 --> 00:21:57,915
She has Buncha Reenios!
462
00:21:58,041 --> 00:21:59,751
And for free!
463
00:21:59,834 --> 00:22:01,084
[sobbing]
464
00:22:01,166 --> 00:22:03,246
My friend, if there's
one thing we've learned
465
00:22:03,333 --> 00:22:05,173
in the past few days, it's this --
466
00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:08,421
there's no such thing
as free Buncha Reenios.
467
00:22:08,542 --> 00:22:10,922
And you can make a very sturdy model
468
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,880
of Odysseus and his sailors
out of ear wax.
33909
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