Original subtitles

It's a sketch about condiments

at a Chinese restaurant, and they all come to life.

It's called "Soy Story." ( Laughing )

- So? - Both: No.

Why don't we do a sketch about you and Chad breaking up?

- Yeah. - Guys...

- Can we just drop that already? - Okay, fine.

How about we do a sketch

about a sweet girl named Bunny.

- ( Grady laughs ) - And the evil villain...

- ( Deep voice ) Thad Dylan Thooper. - Oh, ho ho. Yeah.

Who breaks bunny's heart.

And runs like a girl.

I'm Thad Dylan Thooper,

the evil villain!

- You guys. - ( Caws )

I appreciate that, okay? But just because Chad and I broke up

doesn't mean I need to do a revenge sketch about it.

- No, but we do. - Yeah yeah yeah.

- Yeah, I need to do that. - After that whole awards show thing...

Look, I've moved on.

Okay?

- But he does run like a girl. - He does.

- He's like this. He's like "Oh, peace out! " - Flick your wrist!

- Hey hey! Oh, hey. - Hey. Hey.

Hey, Sonny. What... What are you doing here?

I kind of work here.

What are you doing on the "so random!" Stage?

Oh, I think I left my glasses here.

You don't wear glasses.

Sunglasses... that I wore to the beach

from that time we were dating.

Yeah, well, maybe... maybe you should try the beach.

Hey, but... the thing is

I really miss those glasses, you know.

Well... ( Clears throat )

Maybe if you had let those sunglasses have their moment in the sun,

they wouldn't have broken up with you.

- ( Rings ) - ( Screams )

♪ Off to the races, I'm going places ♪

♪ might be a long shot, not gonna waste it ♪

♪ this is the big break and it's calling my name ♪

♪ yeah! ♪

♪ so far, so great, get with it ♪

♪ at least that's how I see it ♪

♪ having a dream is just the beginning ♪

♪ so far, so great, believe it ♪

♪ can't take away this feeling ♪

♪ taking a ride with chance on my side ♪

♪ yeah, I can't wait ♪

♪ so far, so great ♪

Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

♪ Yaooww! ♪

♪ tell me what to do, do, do... ♪

( Laughing ) Do.

Doo doo.

I can't use that.

Doo doo. Eww.

Eww.

Ooh.

♪ Tell me what to do-oo ♪

♪ about you... ♪

( Laughs ) Yes.

( Bangs on floor )

Oh, somebody's finally moving in upstairs.

Cool.

♪ Tell me what to do-oo ♪

♪ about you ♪

♪ I already know, I can see in your eyes ♪

♪ when you're telling the truth. ♪ Woman: Do you mind?

- A little loud. - Oh, sorry.

I didn't realize the floors were so thin.

- ( Laughs ) - Which is why I can hear every screeching note.

Screeching? You want to hear screeching?

I'll show you screeching! ( Yells )

So this is what moving on looks like.

Yeah, it looks exactly like Chad Dillon Cooper running.

- Yes. - ( All laugh )

Hey, guys. No, I was just having a friendly conversation

with my new upstairs neighbor. Right, neighbor?!

( Silence )

Really? Now you're quiet?

Oh, I see what's happening here.

Oh, breakups can sometimes push you over the edge.

I'm not over the edge.

Sonny, you can't just sit around your apartment

yelling at your "neighbor."

Yeah, and we were on our way to this new place

that just opened up around the corner.

We could all go hang out there.

- Yes. - Let me ask first. Hold on.

What do you think, neighbor? Should I go hang out there?

- Yeah, I'm talking to myself. Let's go. - Yeah. Chad race?

- Chad race. Let's do it. - ( All yelling )

- ( Laughing ) - I win!

Peace out, suckers.

Oh wow, the patio's pretty cool.

I can't believe we've never been here before.

Oh, yeah. The patio's gonna be my new home away from home.

Why is that? Do you put your feet on the furniture at home?

Only till mom tells me not to.

Are u actually using your mom in a pickup line?

- Only if it's working. - Feet off.

- Sorry. I'm sorry. - ( Laughs )

Hey, look, they've got live entertainment here.

You know what would be cool is if I could perform my own songs.

Hey, do you know what else would be cool?

If we were on a hit TV show

and didn't have to perform in a coffee house.

Okay, I get your point.

I'm gonna go get a drink.

- Okay. - ( Sonny sighs )

- Hi. - Hey there.

Hey, look, could you pretend that I'm ordering a drink

'cause I really want to sign up to sing,

but I don't want my friends giving me grief about it.

Gotcha. That's one blended soy mocha,

no whip, sprinkles and foam. Got it.

So you're gonna go for it, huh?

Yeah, what the heck. So what's the crowd like?

Oh, totally chill. It's fun.

So like what's your deal with Mr. Feet-On-the-Table guy over there?

Oh, that's Grady. He's totally harmless.

No no no no, I mean what's the deal with him?

Is he seeing anybody? ( Laughs )

- Grady? - Mmm, Grady.

- Feet-on-the-table guy? - Yeah.

Yeah, I like his whole geek rebel vibe.

Probably a gamer, into comic books,

partial to anti-heroes and hates Aquaman.

Wow. That is spot on.

Yeah, I'm pretty good at sizing people up.

Well, hey, what about me?

No idea. I'm not good under pressure,

which is why I'll never be a brain surgeon.

Or a game show contestant.

Or a contestant on that game show "so you think you're a brain surgeon."

What? You're funny. I'm Sonny.

- Mel. - Nice to meet you, Mel.

Oh, so the sign-up sheet is on the counter.

- Thank you. - Sure.

( Gasps )

Look how many drinks she can carry at once.

Oh, man, I like a strong woman.

Dude, let her go.

You cannot recover from a mom-based pickup line.

Trust me... a brother has tried.

Feet off the table, Grady.

- Oh. - "Grady"? Dude, I stand corrected.

- She already knows your name. - Yeah, she knows my name.

She knows my name. Oh, man.

This... this is not gonna end well.

Why is this not gonna end well?

I don't want to talk about it.

♪ Can you ever change? ♪

♪ finish what you started? ♪

♪ make me want to stay? ♪

♪ tired of conversation... ♪

Woman: ♪ tired of that song. ♪

- ( Knocks on door ) - Wow, she was fast.

What? Hi.

( Laughs ) Sorry, I... I thought you were someone else.

- Oh. - What?!

I... I think I left my hat here

from that time we were dating.

Really? You seem to be losing

- a lot of things lately. - I know.

Weird, right? ( Laughs )

Oh, so you're writing some songs. Cool.

Very cool.

( Clears throat ) I used to play a little guitar myself.

Remember?

♪ Chad Chad Chaddie Chad Chad ♪

♪ Chad Chad Chaddie Chad Chad. ♪

Woman: Shut it!

You used to love it when I played.

That wasn't me. That was the new girl upstairs.

She complains every time she hears me playing guitar.

Who does she think she is?

Chad, you're not my boyfriend anymore.

- Let me handle this, okay? - Okay.

- Who do you think you are?! - Right.

♪ Chad Chad Chaddie Chad Chad ♪

♪ Chad Chad Chaddie Chad Chad. ♪

Woman: Am I gonna have to come down there?

Oh yeah? Do it. Yeah, come down.

Whoo! Didn't think there'd be a man in the house, did you?

- Did you? Whoo! - Chad.

Please just stop. I don't want you to make things worse.

- ( Knocking ) - Too late.

Hey hey, Sonny, let's be honest.

You miss this, right?

- You? - You?

- You're shut it girl? - You're won't shut it girl?

So you're the one giving lip to milady.

That used to be my job.

If you must know, this is Mel.

She's a waitress from the patio.

And this is Chad, my ex.

Ooh, mi-ex. I like that. Good one.

No no, I didn't say mi-ex.

I said my ex, as in my ex was just leaving mi-apartment.

All righty.

Uh, by the way, when you signed up to sing

you sort of took my 8:30 slot.

That's when I go on break and it's the only time I can perform.

Oh, look, I'm sorry. I can change it.

Wait wait wait wait.

You don't owe this chick any favors.

Listen, I'm doing her a favor.

That 8:30 crowd is my audience and they're not gonna like her music.

- ( Mock laughter ) Really? - Chad.

- Chad, look, I can totally handle this myself. - I know.

- Really? - Really.

Well, I got 10 bucks that says not only does "your crowd"

love Sonny's music, they give mi-ex a standing ovation.

Sorry, it's a habit.

Chad, my music isn't some horserace that you can just bet on.

Make it 20. Easy money.

Oh really? Then make it 30. Easier money.

Oh well, it's on. I'll see you tomorrow night.

Yeah, you will. Uh-huh. You know why?

'Cause my filly's in it to win it, that's why.

Whoo!

- ( Chuckles ) - Filly?

- Yeah. - Did you just call me a horse?

Oh, there's Mel.

- Hide me. - Whoa whoa whoa.

Dude, dude, dude, dude. Dude, chill.

What's wrong? I mean, she knows your name.

Isn't that a good thing?

Yeah, but knowing my name

is a gateway to her possibly liking me.

And you've never seen me when a girl possibly likes me.

- Something weird happens. - Dude, what happens?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, didn't think you were gonna show up.

Oh well, it took me forever to get ready.

And then this whole crazy hair thing happened.

Yeah, she was talking to me.

Then you tell her about the hair thing.

- Let's do this. - All right.

Let's get this funeral started.

Hey hey hey, what do you say?

I know 8:30 is usually my slot,

but in my place performing a new song

that she's been working on very loudly,

I guess welcome...

( Mumbles ) Sonny Monroe.

( Loud applause )

Your crowd won't like me, huh?

Hey hey, patio.

You guys ready to party-o?

( Laughing )

Okay okay.

Seriously, that wasn't that funny of a joke.

( Laughing )

And that... that wasn't even a joke.

( Applause )

You guys are a really friendly crowd.

( Cheering )

A little too friendly.

And a little too familiar too.

Wait a second.

You were Mackenzie's half-sister in season three.

And you were his stable boy

in season two.

And that's Chad hiding behind the moving tree.

This is not a real audience, is it?

- Chad, get out here. - ( Cheering )

Stop that!

Sonny. Funny seeing you here.

I can't believe you. You packed the place with your friends?

I wouldn't do that. These are paid professionals

I would never be friends with.

You paid people to cheer for me?

( Cheering )

Well, that's one way to win a bet... cheating.

Chad, how could you do this to me?

I just wanted to make sure you got the recognition you deserve.

Well, thanks to you turning this whole thing into a joke

I guess we'll never know, will we?

- Sonny, look, I was just... - No, Chad, look.

I know in your own way you always mean well,

but it never seems to end well.

So can you please just... just stop?

( Cheering )

I know that we could all come up with a million sketches

about how angry we are at Chad.

But like I said, I'm totally fine.

And I don't want him getting in the way

of our creative process. Agreed?

- Oh yeah, agreed. - We could do that.

So what sketch ideas do you guys have?

Oh oh, you know, I've got something.

Okay, dolphin boy gets picked to go into the space program.

And the shuttle lands on Chad's moon-sized ego.

Like we didn't all see that one coming.

Real mature, Grady. Real mature.

Tawni, what do you have?

Um, the check it out girls...

Find Chad in line. And then they make fun of him

and he runs out like a girl.

What part about no Chad

do you guys not understand?

Nico, you're up.

I...

- I... - I?

- I? Great. - What?

A sketch about how Chad only thinks about himself.

Well, until you guys stop obsessing over him,

I can't talk to you.

I thought the dolphin boy space idea was good.

Oh, enough about Chad, Nico.

Oh, hey hey hey, cheater.

Ha ha.

Look, here's the $30 you won in the bet.

I didn't win.

Well, I didn't win thanks to my boyfriend...

ex-boyfriend.

The standing ovation was a total fraud

and I didn't even get the chance to sing.

Ooh, then the bet is still on.

You've got to get on that stage and perform.

And when you don't get a real standing ovation,

then I'll take your money.

- Oh, then you'll take my money? - Oh, you heard me.

Well, then give me my money back because the bet is still on again.

- Good! - Good!

You have a very nice apartment!

It'll look better when I unpack!

Do you need any help?

I think that the couch should be by the window!

I agree!

- ( Thumping ) - Man: Shut it!

Both: You shut it!

Sounds like us.

( Laughs ) 'Cause it is us.

Let's start with the couch.

Dude, there she is. Go order something.

You want to see that weird thing happen, don't you?

I've got to admit, I kinda do.

- ( Both laughing ) - Well, you're not gonna.

Because I know there's no way

a girl like Mel likes a guy like me.

So I win. I-I think.

- Hey, Grady. - Oh.

Cool shirt.

( Stammering )

- It's hap... it's happening, man. - What?

( Scottish accent ) Oh aye, Lassie.

There's a wee nip in the air on this fine Bonnie night.

And you got the Heather blooming in your hair.

It's a feather not Heather, but thanks.

Oh aye, aye. Oh aye.

Aye-yi-yi.

- That's the weird thing? - Yeah.

- You're a leprechaun? - Aaah!

Scotsman, laddie,

by the name of Shamus McGregor

for no particular reason.

So please, for the love of the Loch Ness monster, help me make it stop.

( Normal accent ) Help me make it stop.

It's okay, Grady... uh, Shamus.

We'll work through this, all right?

( Groaning )

- ( Strumming ) - You nervous?

What? No, I... No.

Why would I be nervous? Yeah, a little bit.

I'm proud of you for putting yourself out there like this.

Thanks, Tawni.

No laugh track. No randoms making you look good.

It's kind of like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

You know, you're like, "whee! This is fun." ( Screaming )

No no no. Not helping. Not helping.

All right, let's give a warm patio welcome

for Sonny Monroe.

( Applause )

Hey, patio. You guys ready to party-o?

Okay, good.

Nobody was paid to love me here.

( Laughs nervously )

So I'm Sonny Monroe and this is

a song I've been working on.

( Playing )

♪ Tell me what to do-ooh ♪

♪ about you ♪

♪ I already know, I can see in your eyes ♪

♪ when you're telling the truth ♪

♪ 'cause it's been a long time coming ♪

♪ so where you running to? ♪

( Faltering ) ♪ 'cause it's been a ♪

♪ long time coming ♪

♪ where you running to? ♪

- ( Music stops ) - I'm sorry, I just...

I can't. Sorry.

( Crowd murmuring )

Sonny.

Grady, will you hold these for me?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

( Scottish accent ) I love ye!

( Knocking )

Leave me alone, Chad!

I thought you might want this.

Thanks.

You ran out of there pretty fast.

Yeah, I just...

I didn't think that Chad was gonna show up.

He seems to show up a lot in your life.

I mean, in your apartment, at the patio,

in that song that you wrote about him.

What, you... you think I wrote that song about him?

( Laughs ) Sweetheart.

You are way off.

Like, way way off.

- ( Laughs ) - Really?

Throw me some lyrics.

Fine.

Ahem.

"Tell me what to do-ooh

about you."

Ooh... not so sure about.

You equals Chad. Go on.

Okay, you know what? I could see where you might think that.

How about this?

"You think about it, can you ever change?"

Which I'm guessing he didn't.

Which is why you had to write a song about it.

( Scoffs ) Whatever, okay?

You can read anything into anything.

Oh oh, how about this?

"'Cause it's been a long time coming.

I can't stop loving you."

Let's see you make something out of that.

Sonny, you ran off that stage

because you couldn't sing that song in front of Chad.

You still have feelings for him.

That's... that's crazy.

What's crazy is that you're denying it.

It's okay that you still have feelings for him.

And you either wrote that song to get him out of your system

or because you don't want him out of your system.

Either way, he's still in your system

and you need to deal with that.

Hey, guys. I'm Sonny Monroe.

And this song is called "what to do."

( Playing )

♪ Tell me what to do-ooh ♪

♪ about you ♪

♪ I already know, I can see in your eyes ♪

♪ when you're telling the truth ♪

♪ 'cause it's been a long time coming ♪

♪ so where you running to? ♪

♪ tell me what to do-ooh ♪

♪ about you ♪

♪ you've got your way of speaking ♪

♪ even the air you're breathing ♪

♪ you could be anything ♪

♪ but you don't know what to believe in ♪

♪ you've got the world before you ♪

♪ if I could only show you ♪

♪ that you don't know what to do ♪

♪ tell me what to do-ooh ♪

♪ about you ♪

♪ something on your mind, baby, all of the time ♪

♪ you can run out of room, oh yeah ♪

♪ you say it's been a long time coming ♪

♪ I say it's nothing new ♪

♪ so tell me what to do-ooh ♪

♪ about you ♪

♪ you've got your way of speaking ♪

♪ even the air you're breathing ♪

♪ you could be anything ♪

♪ but you don't know what you believe in ♪

♪ you've got the world before you ♪

♪ if I could only show you ♪

♪ that you don't know what to do ♪

♪ you don't know what to do. ♪

( Cheering )

- Hey. Oh, sorry. - Hey.

I'm not looking for anything. I'm just walking.

Oh yeah, me too.

Well, I heard you really killed it at the patio last night.

As a matter of fact I did.

Well, sorry I wasn't there to see it.

Maybe it's for the best.

Maybe.

I, um...

So I guess I'll see you around, huh?

Yeah, I'll see you around, Chad.

- Good. - Good.

- Fine. - Fine.

( Sighs )

♪ Tell me what to do-ooh ♪

♪ about you ♪

♪ I already know, I can see in your eyes ♪

♪ when you're telling the truth. ♪

All right, you ready for this?

- I think so. - Come on, come on.

We've gone over this 100 times.

- Just remember, you're an American. - Got it.

- Yeah, not Scottish. I'm not Scottish. - No Scottish.

Next. Oh, hey, Grady.

Aye... I mean, I

would very much enjoy

one of your signature mocha beverages, please.

Coming right up.

- How did I do? - I think you *** very much.

Yes!

Such a dork.

I love him!

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