Original subtitles

Granny?

Tawni! You're supposed to tell us what you made.

I'm making a movie. Look.

The website for the new gassie movie's up.

oh!

Why is gassie's head bigger than mine?

Well, I'm not sure that it is.

But it could be because gassie's the star of the movie,

"gassie and we."

- Check it out! Check it out! - We're not doing that sketch.

No, it's here-- the first-ever "gassie & we" lunch box!

- You ready? - Yeah yeah.

yeah!

That's gross! You want people to buy that

And then put food in it?

Gross sells, sister.

So you guys come up with the money

- To mass-produce these? - Relax, we have a deal.

I told you we'd come up with the money.

while you guys are busy cashing in on a movie

That hasn't even been shot yet,

You're forgetting who made this movie possible.

Who can toot on command?

Were you about to pet gassie?

Hey, bella. - Yeah, I was just telling him

- What a good boy you are! - That is so adorable.

I just want to pinch your cheek.

- oh. Really? - No!

I am his trainer and no one talks to gassie

But me!

Now come!

Not you! Stay! Come!

Not you! Sit!

Gassie! Come.

How long do you think we have to sit here?

* off to the races, I'm going places *

* might be a long shot, not gonna waste it *

* this is the big break and it's calling my name *

* yeah *

* so far, so great, get with it *

* at least that's how I see it *

* having a dream is just the beginning *

* so far, so great, believe it *

* can't take away this feeling *

* taking a ride, with chance on my side *

* yeah, I can't wait *

* so far, so great, so far, so great *

* ba ba da da-da, ba da da da-da *

* ba ba da da-da, ba da da da-da *

* yow! *

Okay, you know what? This is ridiculous.

We've been like this for half an hour.

I think we can get up.

ow!

- I just can't. - Oh! My leg!

Got a cramp. Just gotta massage it--

Bella is so strict.

"don't pet gassie! Don't touch gassie!"

She's terrible to "gassie"!

I mean, dogs need love. You guys get that, right?

- No, not really. - All: Nah. No.

I just need love as a person.

So you guys don't care about gassie at all?

no. Not really.

She's good for the lunch boxes though--

And all you care about is the movie?

yes, I mean--

- Lunch boxes- - - I got a big role this year!

- Well, it's pretty clear-- - tawni: Finally.

Ah. The sky is clear--

I haven't even said anything yet!

- What? You can see into the future? - Okay, while you guys

Are group-rumbling, I'm gonna go pet gassie.

That's a bad idea.

gassie! Aww.

There you are.

You know, I used to have a dog just like you

In wisconsin.

Yep, except he was a beagle

With three legs and one eye.

We called him lucky, or-- or limpy

Or blindy.

But you know, it didn't matter what we called him

Because he was deaf too.

But you know what else he loved?

We think.

Meatballs.

Yeah, you smell?

Aww.

I bet she never feeds you treats, huh?

Gassie!

Gassie, go! Go!

Hurry! Hurry!

Gassie!

- What are you doing here? - nothin'.

Were you playing with gassie?

Mm-mm.

I'm watching you.

Oh. You heard bella, gassie.

She doesn't want me playing with you anymore.

But she didn't say anything

About you playing with me!

I'll take that as a yes. Come on, gassie!

Okay, you just found out your boyfriend's a vampire.

You're torn, confused.

You've got two holes in your neck. What do you do?!

And action!

Cut! Cut!

Who is farting while I'm directing, huh?

Sorry, chad.

I was just taking gassie out

And whenever he hears "action," he, uh--

--does that.

I can't believe even your audience finds that funny.

Well, believe it because gassie here

Is about to star with the cast of " so random!"...

In a major motion picture.

- That's ridiculous. - Gassie is amazingly talented.

well, yeah, but you guys aren't. So--

Look, I didn't come here to argue, okay?

I came here to give gassie a little dog time.

You know, run around in the grass,

Sniff the trees.

Yeah, it's just that the trees are cardboard

And the grass is plastic...

'cause this is a set!

Oh well, good.

Then I guess what gassie's doing

Over there on that bush won't kill it.

- Come on, gassie. - oh. You--

- what's up? - Okay.

Tell me again how we're getting the money

For the lunch boxes?

I te-heh-heh-texted a friend

Who chirped an acquaintance

Who facechummed a relative

Who knows someone who could loan us the money.

Oh, okay. Got it.

- Got it. Got it! - What's up? I see why--

Yeah-- - tell me again why we're dressed like this!

I told you. The person who's loaning us the money

Needed to be able to recognize us.

So you went with matador and viking?!

Where is this coming from?

Our go-to costumes have always been

The matador and the viking.

I'm just saying, man, I always pictured myself

As the matador!

Check it, g. The money!

I don't know, man.

These kind of shady deals made over facechum,

They always have strings attached.

Are you serious?

I have 1,000 facechum chums.

Whoa!

what's happening?!

There really is a string attached, man! Hold on!

Oh, man!

don't let go!

- Gentlemen. - Dakota?

- You're the money man? - And you're the viking?

- I know, right? - Viking, pick me up.

Oh, okay.

you have very nice blue eyes.

Oh, why, thank you.

It would be a real shame if you lost one!

- Oh, yeah, it would. - Now hand me to the matador!

Okay, here you go.

Hola.

If you two don't pay me back every single dime,

- With interest-- - mm-hmm.

--I'm gonna tell my daddy.

your daddy?

- But your daddy's our boss. - Exactly.

So you better not let me down.

- Okay. - Now let me down!

- Okay. - Put her down.

Now take my money and make us rich...

Or else.

I've got a good feeling about this.

What?!

Get the money.

Okay, everyone, five minutes to show time.

Cast and crew, we're five minutes to show time.

I had fun with you today.

but nobody can know, okay?

- Bella: Gassie! - Especially her.

- Tawni: Sonny! - And her.

Hey hey. - Look at the new poster for "gassie and me."

You mean "gassie and we"?

Why does everything have to be about you, sonny?

no!

- Is gassie okay? - He can't fart!

- He can't? - No.

Someone must have played with him. Someone must have pet him.

Someone must have showed him some love!

Love? That's horrible.

Yeah, it's horrible. Do you have any idea

How many dogs in the whole world

Can communicate through their butt cheeks?

- Seven? - One!

One dog in the whole world

And now he's been silenced!

Bella, bells,

Bellisimo--

You know, gassie's a pro.

I'm sure once that spotlight hits him,

- He'll be back to his old self. - You better be right!

Gassie, to the stage!

Are you ready to get "so random!"?

all right, granny, time for the family picnic.

I made my potatey salad.

What did you make, gassie?

did you hear me, gassie?

I said, what did you make?

Why isn't gassie letting one rip?

You know what, y'all?

I'm gonna go find out what gassie made.

yeah.

So, gassie, uh, having a good summer?

You think a twister's comin', gassie?

That doesn't sound like gassie.

Okay, that one sounded like a duck.

- Something's wrong. - Gassie toots in e minor.

That sounds like a b-flat.

Folks, we're experiencing gastrointestinal difficulties.

We'll be right back.

sonny!

You're fart-synching for gassie?!

I knew it!

You're the reason gassie is gasless!

You broke his wind!

- Wait, gassie can't toot? - No toot means no movie!

No movie means no kids buying lunch boxes.

No kids buying lunch boxes means no money.

what do you have to say for yourself?

Thanks a lot, sonny.

8,000 butt-burpin' lunch boxes

That we'll never get to sell because there's no gassie movie.

You had to love!

Yeah, sonny, without gassie, these heinie-honkers-- -

Are just a broken dream.

Look, you guys, I know you're mad.

But what I'm trying to say is--

Oh, come on, people!

No, you come on!

That dog was perfectly happy being unhappy.

Why can't you just learn to leave bad enough alone?

I'm sorry,

I just like doggies.

Well, here you go. Gassie is all yours.

What do you mean, all mine?

I have no use for him now.

All he is is a dog. I don't like dogs.

I like money.

Every time his tail went up, money came out.

Now, nothin'!

Goodbye, gassie!

- Every time something-- - you are--

okay, you know what?

Enough with the group grumbling.

I'm gonna put an end to this group grumbling

Once and for all. And you want to know how?

I'm gonna fix gassie--

Not by yelling, not by intimidation,

But with a kind voice and a bucketful of meatballs.

So tawni, you write your oscar speech.

Zora, grady, nico,

You unpack those lunch boxes.

Because gassie's coming back, baby.

Better than ever!

Yeah!

No!

Please tell me he's sleeping.

- Um, okay, he's sleeping. - Don't lie to me!

- What did you do? - I don't know!

It was going so well.

I told him to sit and he sat.

I told him to roll over, he rolled over.

I told him to play dead,

He... Died!

Ewww.

You gotta feel this.

I am not gonna feel that.

It's come to my attention

That your lunch box plan

Has hit a bit of a...

Dead end.

Well well well, dakota,

Being the smart, level-headed businesswoman you are,

I'm sure you understand that with all business ventures,

- There is risk. - Yes, risk.

- It's just there. - Well well, yeah yeah.

Business, whoo!

Yeah, and here's one of them.

- Gimme my money! - Oh, whoa whoa whoa whoa!

evil!

Zora? What are you doing in there?

I thought you checked the sarcophagus! - I did!

There must have been a secret door.

Silence! What is she doing in here?

Nothing that concerns you...

Freak show.

whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!

You're like a ticking time bomb!

Oh, zora! Oh! Oh! Stop! Stop!

Actually, funny story--

Dakota lent us the money to pay

For the lunch boxes you invented.

You put me in business with evil?!

hey! That's what makes it funny is--

Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!

hands off! Hands off...

Till I get my money back!

Guys, relax, okay?

We have a plan

To get rid of these boxes and get you your money back.

No-- no, we don't.

no, I know we don't.

But they don't know that.

Oh, yeah.

Why would you do something like that? ! - Secret door!

Where's my secret door?

Knock knock.

Hey.

Hey, so-- I heard.

- You all right? - I guess.

Well, I've got just the way to cheer you up.

I'm gonna make you a balloon animal.

Thanks.

You know, I just never realized

How much everything reminds me of him.

When I throw a ball, grady chases it.

Poor nico hates the mailman.

And zora she chews on--

oh-ho, gassie!

sonny--

- Sonny, it was the balloon. - It's too soon!

And this is the real reason I came here.

You're in no condition to plan the memorial service

That gassie deserves.

- I know, but who's gonna do it? - Well, I will.

We'll do it at the falls.

He was always so happy at the falls.

He loved those cardboard trees.

Just leave everything to me.

Really?

You promise gassie's memorial will be poignant,

Intimate and tasteful?

I wouldn't have it any other way.

♪ oh, we're gonna miss gassie ♪

♪ he's tootin' no more ♪

♪ his smell was sassy ♪

♪ he's tootin' no more ♪

♪ that stench has drifted ♪

♪ to heaven on high ♪

♪ oh, he's goin' to that doghouse ♪

♪ in the sky. ♪

And cue the heavenly sunset.

- chad! - Hmm?

- What is all this? - Oh, hold on, sonny.

Hey, make sure you get a wide shot

Of the mourners.

Oh my gosh! You're directing this?!

Well, someone's has to make sure the gassie memorial d.V.D. Looks good. Huh?

you said the gassie memorial was going to be tasteful.

- What is tasteful about that?! - Nico: Thank you.

These are selling huge!

This is great!

We were only gonna get $9. 95 for these

When they were just gassie lunch boxes. - Yeah.

But as gold-painted coffins, we're cleaning up.

Cha-ching!

Gassie would have wanted you to have this...

For 20 bucks.

Cha-ching!

Cha-ching!

Welcome, friends. I'm tawni hart.

I was supposed to star in gassie's movie "gassie and me."

It's "we"!

Whatever.

It was a great role that the world will never see.

Goodbye, old friend.

Sit. Stay.

Forever.

good luck following that.

And now a few words from miss sonny munroe.

I didn't prepare a speech.

Not to worry, that's why I wrote one for you.

Cue cards.

"silent but deadly.

Whoever smelt it, dealt it.

These are just a few of the words

That come to mind when we think of gassie.

He was a star among stars."

Cue the stars! Cue the stars!

Okay, really?

Mini-coffins! Get your gassie memorial mini-coffins!

- Oh, honey! I'll take one. - Okay! Come on, girl!

I got you! - You know what? That's enough!

People! You people should be ashamed of yourselves!

movies!

D.V.D.S!

Mini-coffins!

All of you saw him as nothing more

Than a tooting a.T.M.!

When I saw him, I saw a wonderful,

Sweet animal who loved to run and play

And eat meatballs.

All he would have wanted was a simple send-off

And a moment of silence.

Can we at least give him that?

gassie farted

From the great beyond.

No, he didn't. Look.

Gassie, you're alive!

I still have a movie career!

I mean, isn't this a miracle?

He was probably in shock

From all those meatballs you fed him.

You know what?

I didn't just feed him meatballs,

I fed him love--

Something he's been starved of his entire life.

Did I overfeed him? Maybe.

But it was the best meal that I ever served.

Is it true, gassie?

Did she stuff you with all the love I never gave you?

I only treated you as mumsy treated me.

But no more.

There there. There there.

There.

Cue the happy ending!

Oh, uh, yeah-- happy ending.

* that stench is back *

♪ from heaven on high ♪

♪ oh, gassie's not going ♪

♪ to that doghouse in the sky. ♪

Okay, you've just stolen a crystal skull.

There's a giant boulder rolling after you.

The natives are closing in. You're scared, you're confused.

What happens if they catch you?

And action!

Gassie.

gassie!

nice one.

Give me paw!

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