All language subtitles for Scrubs - 3x01 - My American Girl

Before I go into that
building and start my day,

I always like to take a quiet
moment to prepare myself.

Well I guess it would be nice
if I could touch your body

...not you, sir...

I know not everybody
has got a body like you

Dude, what's the rule about
white boys dancing in public?

Not allowed unless you're gay.

Morning, Steven

Fine. Then I'll just put on
something that rocks!

As a third-year resident, you know everyone
so well you can practically speak for them.

For instance...

Remember: No more dancing.

Pow!

Good morning, Bambi.
Sign this, please?

Who you eyeballing, tough guy?

And of course...

Well, Zsa Zsa. Now you've put
me in quite the pickle. You see

with those earphones on,
you can't hear me, but!

The odds are highly against you cracking
open that yapper and annoying me today.

So, what to do? What to do?
What to do? Ahh, hell...

Stop addressing me as "Dr. Cox"
in front of your patients.

When they find out my actual name,
they tend to page me with questions

when they realize just exactly
how inept you really are. Oh, and as

an added safety measure,
from now on, I'll only be responding

to "Doc," "Doctor," "Ceasar,"
or "The Big Cheese;" and noooo,

I'm _not_ joking. Not _now_ - not ever.

See, things never really
change around here.

...Surgical and Medical still play
each other in basketball.

I'm gonna toast you so bad, your
momma ain't even gonna recognize you!

Yeah? Well I heard that your
sister started drinking again!

I'm still not great at smack-talk.

So, it's not supposed to be true?

No. Ohhh, let it pour, big guy.

And Elliot was still searching for
something to turn things around for her.

Oh, my God! Isn't she beautiful!
I mean, this car

has totally maxed out my credit,
but my self-esteem's been so low lately

that I think it's worth it.
Don't you?

I just deliver the cars.
She's all yours.

Frick!

But really, the only difference is that by the
third year, nothing catches you by surprise.

Mrs. Farr is still having
acute abdominal pain.

So, what's wrong
with me, doctor?

Oh, good Lord, I have no idea.
Okay, don't panic, just do

what all doctors do in this
situation and fake a page.

Uh-oh. Got a Code 3 down the hall.

What's that?

Uhhh, Code 3? Not as bad as a
Code 4, but a hell of a lot worse

than a Code 2.

_That's_ a Code 2.

SCRUBS 3x01
MY AMERICAN GIRL

Transcripts : Michelle V.L. M.
Subtitles by McFly - ronaldosbruder@gmx.de

Ahh, I cannot figure out what's
wrong with Mrs. Farr. I gotta go ask Cox.

Why won't you ask me?

You're a surgeon - you just cut people up,
you don't actually know anything.

Oh, yeah.

Dr Cox ! Dr Cox...

Big Cheese.

Yes?

If you're wondering why Dr.
Kelso's nose is squeaking...

...about a week ago,
he was torturing Elliot...

...and Dr. Cox, well....

Needless to say,
there were consequences.

Perry, great news:
I managed to swing it so

that you get to go over to the state pen
today and do the annual inmates' physicals!

Well, hell's bells, Bobbo,
if you want to fire me,

just do it!

I would, but even though this
room was quite crowded when

you sucker-punched me,
apparently nobody saw it happen.

Uh, so what happened, sir?

So, Dr. Cox, can you, uh,
look at her chart?

Newbie, did you not see what
just happened? Kelso is so

far up my ass that I can taste
Brylcreem in the back of my throat.

And you, you're...
you're third-year now.

Wake up, this whole Dr. Cox
riding in to The Rescue part of the show

is _over_.

Oh, you're on your own.

Elliot's unlucky streak continued with
the head of the radiology department.

Dr. Moyer. Uh, you told me my
patient had colitis, and it turns out

it was just traveler's diarrhea?

So? Sounds like good news.

Yeah.... He took it as bad news,
maybe 'cause of the unnecessary

colonoscope I shoved
three feet up his pooper?

What do you want me to do?

Uh, apologize to my patient and tell
him it was your mistake, no big deal?

Think I'm gonna pass on that one.
See, I got you pegged as one of those

spineless types that's not gonna cause
me any trouble no matter what I do.

So, thanks for stopping by

and don't forget your car door.

I just didn't want it to get stolen, okay?

That was me not caring.

What?

Now that we can always
hear Dr. Kelso coming,

some people have
modified their work habits.

So, you're engaged
to that surgeon guy?

Mm-hmm.

Is it serious?

No, Ted. We swing.

Squeaky's a-comin'!

Oh, hey, Bob-cat!
Listen, I was hoping

that maybe you could get someone
to cover for me out at the prison tonight.

I know that the very idea of you doing
a favor for me makes those ass cheeks

clench up so tight that you could
shovea lump of coal up there

and probably crap out a diamond! Right?

Ohh.... Come on, Bob, I can't
even remember the last time

I saw my son, and you - you - you're
a father, for God's sake,

you understand, don't you?

My son was recently kicked
out of his Hari Krishna sect

for being too much of a hippie, and is currently
residing in the Portland subway system.

The point, Perry, is that the only thing
I care less about than my son...

... is your son.
Have fun at the Big House.

Hey. You guys know that unbelievably
handsome new anesthesiologist?

Yes... ...No...

No.

Well, he didn't know
I was engaged, so he

asked me out to a movie tonight.

Well, if he's paying, give a
brother some Snow Caps!

Turk, why don't
you ever get jealous?

Woman, look at me! How can
someone with all of this here

be jealous of any of that out there!

You know what I realized when I
was dragging my car door around?

I cannot remember the last good thing
that happened to me at this place. I mean,

what is it about me that makes
everybody walk all over me?

No self-confidence.

You could be a baby sometimes.

Your voice gets really
high when you're upset.

Rhetorical question, okay?

Now I'm getting smoothies.
Who wants one?

Peach Fizzle-Vizzle?
I'll have a Razz-ma-Tazz?

Orange Goo Goo.

Got it.

Mrs. Farr. You know what?
The only way I'm gonna figure out

what's wrong with this woman
is start running tests for everything.

Good luck, Bambi. Look at the time.

In a hospital, you can never
try to get anything done

Friday after 5 P.M. Because anyone

who can actually help you
is out of here like a gunshot.

Hello? Anyone?

Have a good weekend, Steven.

Sean?

Hey, Elliot! How you -
- how you doing?

You look great!

Except, the buzz-cut has kind of
tapped into this recurring dream I have

where my dad makes me marry this
army colonel named Johnny Case who,

as it turns out, already has
a wife in the Philippines.

Anyways, she and I become friends,

but then she smothers him with her
thighs and then frames me for it.

Well, yeah, I'm - I'm doing
about the same, too.

I thought you hated this place
'cause of that time you -

- you got sick here?

You remember that?

Y-you got sick on my face....

Oh, no, that wasn't the smoothies -
you just said you thought you were

falling in love with me, and sometimes
when I get really uncomfortable I hurl.

I know, I get -
I get a little, uh...gassy.

Look, Sean, this is gonna
sound weird, but - this is fate!

I mean, things have just been so bleak
for me lately, and I've been waiting

for something - someone - to come
along, you know? And...here you are.

The one that got away!

That means something, right?

Yeah, I think it, uh....

Hello!

Hey. Hi. Oh!

No, no, no, no!
It's okay. It's ok - it's....

That girl is extra-strength crazy.

I don't know, I mean, she's a
doctor, she's gotta have it

a little bit together, right?

Elliot, your smoothies
are on your car.

Double frick!

I was trying to keep things
positive with Mrs. Farr.

I don't think you'll be having
breakfast with us tomorrow.

Why, am I going home tonight?

No, the cook died.

What the hell am I gonna do?

Hey.

She wanted to come back and help.
And I wasn't gonna let my baby

be here all alone with all sorts of guys
eyeballing her privates and whatnot.

If you can't muster up some sincere
jealousy, don't even bother.

I got everyone's smoothies. They
were out of Orange Goo Goo.

How can we help, Bambi?

Okay, if we're ever gonna figure out
what's wrong with that lady,

we need to get a whole
bunch of tests done.

There's nothing wrong with
needing your friends

to take care of someone... It's better
than missing out on your family

because you're stuck
making new friends...

That's, uh, that's my son.

He's adorable. Can I keep it?

No, no you - you
certainly may not!

Bad man.

Still, even that's
not the worst....

'Kay, I'll get the x-ray, you two go
work on the echo-cardiogram, and then

all three of us will meet back here and
deal with the abdominal CAT-scan, okay?

Got'cha.
- Mm-hmm.

Well, what can I do?
- We got it, Elliot.

Being such a mess that your
friends don't even ask for your help?

That's the bottom of the barrel.

Sometimes in life, all there is to do
is ponder your own shortcomings

by cannon-balling four straight
32-ounce, protein-enhanced smoothies.

You'll be okay, Marshmallow.

Laverne, do you call me "Marshmallow"
because I'm soft and easily flattened?

Well, yeah.... But, if it makes you feel
any better, it's also because you're

_very_ white.

Where the hell's Ted?

Hundred and nine is my record.

Da-amn!

Look, I know you're the only
x-ray tech on tonight, all right?

But I just need a quick
abdominal scan to make sure

Mrs. Farr doesn't
have an obstruction.

Uh-uh-uh!

Don't want to know who they are!
Don't want to know how they're doing!

Just wanna go "click-click!"
and get 'em out of here!

Now, your lady's about forty
people down on the list.

And as always, uh,
there are no cutsies.

Damn!

Look, uhh.... There's gotta
be something I can do.

See, because of the way I laid
on top of you, I can tell people

this is an x-ray of Siamese twins!
How cool is that!

It's so cool, Laddy, let's never
talk to anyone about it, ever!

I don't understand how you think
you can get this cardiologist

to do an echo-cardiogram for us.

I've worked in the Cath. Lab before -
- I understand how these guys think.

Plus I had a one-nighter
with him a long time ago.

Okay! Oh-ho-ho! You're telling me
this guy in here got tasty treats?

Turk! I worked here eight years
before you showed up -

- I had sexual needs.

Okay, first of all, that's disgusting.

Are you jealous?

Nahhh...

Ahhh, so you don't mind
if I go in there alone.

Thank you.

So, Mitchell, I guess I
was just hoping that

you would help us out
with this patient, Mrs. Farr.

Carla, love to, really,
but, uh, it's already six

and it's my son's birthday tonight.

How old is he?

He's ten.

And how long ago was that
night that you told me

you were single and
you took me dancing...?

Eight years. I'll see you
in the patient's room.

All taken care of.

How is that funny?

Don't you love the outfit?

You know, I always wanted to
be the father of a tiny gay sailor.

Jordan, come on, we agreed that we
would wait until he's quite a bit older

before we started
systematically ruining his life, right?

...Right?

I may have painted his
toenails for funsies.

Dr. Cox, I managed to get
some tests done on Mrs. Farr....

Look, Gwyneth, you're old
enough now to hear this from me:

Every time I go out of my
way to help you children

I get nothing but trouble. Now this
is the first five-minute window

I've had in the last week to be
with my son. And I'm just not gonna

have you pirouetting around in here
while my heart is breaking inside.

Sorry.

Your heart is breaking inside?
That is so embarrassing for you!

Thank you for that.

What are you doing in here!?

It's...the men's room.

I know! I mean, it's not like I
thought those were some kind

of new female urinals, and then
...tried them, and found them

...oddly comfortable...

I'm just gonna replace these,
uh, urinal cakes, and then,

uh, I'll go.

Why can't I just grow up?

Why can't I be stronger?

Janitor? Have you ever
looked at yourself and wished

that you were different
in every single way?

No... I'm a winner. But, I
will tell you something

that my grandmother
told me when I was a kid

even though at the time I
though she was my mother.

She said: "Time spent
wishing - is time wasted."

Now, she died shortly
after that, and my sister - who

actually _was_ my mother
- she never got over it.

Neither did my brother-dad.
But the point is this:

If you want to be different,
then be different!

Thank you.

Well, we're all under
one roof here,

we gotta watch out for
each other, right? Come on!

There he is.

Watch out.

Unfortunately, that's when
we ran into a brick wall.

I'm head of the radiology department.
You call me in from home to do

an abdominal CAT-scan that could wait
until Monday morning? Well, guess what?

It's not happening.

Look, Dr. Moyer-

THESE ARE MY MACHINES!

Sir-

MY MACHINES!

Whose machines?

MY MACHINES!

How is that helpful?

THEY'RE MINE! MINE! MY MACHINES! MY
MACHINES! MY MACHINES!! MY MACHINES!!!--

MY MACHINES !...

Oh, so you're going to sock me again.
Good God, Perry, at a certain point

you're just beating
up an old man.

Relax. I'm just
fixing your nose.

Now, I'm real sorry I
cold-cocked you, there, Bob -

I shouldn't have done that. Even
if it did actually feel so damn good

I changed my
pants afterwards.

But, still, I'm starting
to think it would be smart

if you and I were to bury the hatchet.
What do you say, there, Bob?

Come, on, handsome!

Listen up, ace: You will always
be a royal pain in my ass,

and I will always be waiting
for the day when I get to jam

that knife into your side once and for
all, and you know it as well as I do!

Much better, thanks!

You're welcome.

People don't change, Perry.

So you're just gonna roll over
and give up like you always do?

Or are you finally gonna get
mad and do something about it?

MINE! MINE! MINE!
MINE! MINE!!!

Dr. Moyer, you're gonna give
Mrs. Farr the abdominal CAT-scan,

and I'll tell you why: You remember
that colon patient of mine

that you screwed up on?
Well I'm gonna tell him exactly

whose fault that was, and then I'm
gonna spend every waking second

helping him figure out how to
physically and financially bitch-slap you,

even if the end result is that we both
get our asses fired. Your move, chuckles.

Bring her down.

Elliot!
- Hell, yeah!

Wow.

It feels good to work as a team and gather
all the pieces of the puzzle together

so we can finally look Mrs.
Farr in the face and tell her...

we still don't know
what the hell she has.

Dammit, why can't we figure
out what's wrong with this lady?

All right, you guys. What
do you know so far?

The echo ruled out
an aortic dissection.

The abdominal CT would have
shown if it was biliary disease.

Think. What's her background?

Persian Sephardic Jew.

Aw, come on, you guys, gimme
a break - you know this.

Familial Mediterranean fever.

Atta boy.

I'm actually grateful
most things don't change.

Hello, slackers!

My paddle's stuck in me!

Not only is the status
quo good for work,

it's also somewhat comforting.

Now, I would've never figured it out
unless you guys had done the leg work.

You four deserve all the credit, really.

Mrs. Farr, Dr. Cox has saved
the day! Don't ya just love it?

Come here!

And if something does change, more
often than not it just reminds you

of feelings you've
had all along.

You look beautiful.

Like I said, once you hit the third year,

there aren't a lot of surprises.

Hey, Elliot.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Damn.