Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,797 --> 00:00:04,155
You have a cavity and we should
2
00:00:04,157 --> 00:00:05,665
take care of it
if you've got time.
3
00:00:05,667 --> 00:00:07,501
After the night I just had
you could tell me
4
00:00:07,502 --> 00:00:10,201
I needed a root canal
and I wouldn't complain.
5
00:00:10,572 --> 00:00:13,073
You know how hard it is
to find a mom friend
6
00:00:13,074 --> 00:00:15,409
that you actually like
and want to hang out with?
7
00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:17,912
I had an easier time
finding a husband.
8
00:00:17,913 --> 00:00:19,613
Sorry, I'm trying to put it
9
00:00:19,614 --> 00:00:22,149
behind me,
but I think I have PTSD.
10
00:00:22,150 --> 00:00:23,517
This is gonna pinch.
11
00:00:23,518 --> 00:00:25,686
The irony is that
it started out fine,
12
00:00:25,687 --> 00:00:26,854
great even.
13
00:00:26,855 --> 00:00:28,756
That's what makes it so tragic.
14
00:00:28,757 --> 00:00:31,258
Ahh.
15
00:00:38,099 --> 00:00:40,634
So, just to double check,
the party's over at 1 p.m.?
16
00:00:40,635 --> 00:00:41,768
- That's right.
- Rima.
17
00:00:42,904 --> 00:00:44,438
We have to stop
meeting like this.
18
00:00:44,439 --> 00:00:46,273
We must be on
the same party circuit.
19
00:00:46,274 --> 00:00:48,142
Except this time
we can actually leave
20
00:00:48,143 --> 00:00:49,243
the "drop-off party."
21
00:00:49,244 --> 00:00:51,212
Hallelujah.
22
00:00:51,213 --> 00:00:52,213
Okay, I have to ask
23
00:00:52,214 --> 00:00:54,548
why does your voice
sound so familiar?
24
00:00:54,549 --> 00:00:58,085
"This is Rima Chiquri-Portman,
National Public Radio."
25
00:00:58,086 --> 00:01:00,754
I knew it! I was like, in love
26
00:01:00,755 --> 00:01:02,623
with your reporting
on the drought in Ethiopia.
27
00:01:02,624 --> 00:01:05,125
I mean, as much
as you can be in love
28
00:01:05,126 --> 00:01:06,560
with something so tragic.
29
00:01:06,561 --> 00:01:08,762
- Thank you.
- Well, would you ever want
30
00:01:08,763 --> 00:01:10,331
to, like, get coffee sometime?
31
00:01:10,332 --> 00:01:11,899
Oh, how about dinner?
32
00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:13,500
Too forward?
33
00:01:13,501 --> 00:01:15,568
No, radical! Love.
34
00:01:17,138 --> 00:01:19,506
A fellow cavewoman.
35
00:01:19,507 --> 00:01:20,941
We have to do this now.
36
00:01:20,942 --> 00:01:23,310
How about next Wednesday?
37
00:01:23,311 --> 00:01:24,678
Should we try that new
Japanese place
38
00:01:24,679 --> 00:01:27,681
- everyone's jizzing about?
- On 68th? Totally.
39
00:01:27,682 --> 00:01:29,984
- With husbands?
- It's a date!
40
00:01:29,985 --> 00:01:31,752
I thought you hate NPs.
41
00:01:31,753 --> 00:01:33,454
I don't hate all new people.
42
00:01:33,455 --> 00:01:35,356
You're always telling me
to find my peeps
43
00:01:35,357 --> 00:01:37,458
in the hood and I think
I found one.
44
00:01:37,459 --> 00:01:38,993
Rima is my peeps.
45
00:01:38,994 --> 00:01:41,428
Okay, and I can feel
my penis shrinking
46
00:01:41,429 --> 00:01:43,831
as I say this, honey,
but I thought it was gonna be
47
00:01:43,832 --> 00:01:45,733
- our date night.
- It is.
48
00:01:45,734 --> 00:01:48,068
Only with more interesting
guest stars.
49
00:01:48,069 --> 00:01:51,005
Rima's been all over
the world for NPR.
50
00:01:51,006 --> 00:01:52,006
Now what about the husband?
51
00:01:52,007 --> 00:01:54,275
What does... what does he do?
52
00:01:54,276 --> 00:01:56,610
I don't know.
Something in finance.
53
00:01:56,611 --> 00:01:59,513
Hon, we've been over this.
Finance is a broad field.
54
00:01:59,514 --> 00:02:01,048
Is he a hedge fund millionaire
55
00:02:01,049 --> 00:02:03,217
or does he fix ATM machines?
56
00:02:03,218 --> 00:02:06,053
Look, all I know is that
we could use a fun night out.
57
00:02:06,054 --> 00:02:08,622
And go easy on the sake.
We have to have sex later.
58
00:02:08,623 --> 00:02:10,424
Have to? Wait,
don't tell me we're trying
59
00:02:10,425 --> 00:02:12,693
- to get pregnant again.
- Ew, no.
60
00:02:12,694 --> 00:02:14,228
I'm just saying
it's been 18 days
61
00:02:14,229 --> 00:02:17,031
and we both know after 19
it starts to get weird.
62
00:02:17,032 --> 00:02:19,033
Well, we are not gonna
let it get to 19.
63
00:02:19,034 --> 00:02:20,167
Okay, chop, chop.
64
00:02:20,168 --> 00:02:21,669
I've been saving
my appetite all day.
65
00:02:21,670 --> 00:02:23,570
Honeys, I'm home!
66
00:02:23,571 --> 00:02:25,139
Come in, we're naked!
67
00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:27,808
Love this.
68
00:02:27,809 --> 00:02:29,143
Where are the littles?
69
00:02:29,144 --> 00:02:30,811
Oh, Ashley's bringing them
back any minute.
70
00:02:30,812 --> 00:02:32,646
They were at the park
and she got a callback
71
00:02:32,647 --> 00:02:35,883
to play a patient who was raped
by her dermatologist on SVU.
72
00:02:35,884 --> 00:02:38,652
Thank you for covering.
You'll be okay?
73
00:02:38,653 --> 00:02:39,753
Yeah, they're impossible.
74
00:02:39,754 --> 00:02:41,121
Guys,
it's not that complicated.
75
00:02:41,122 --> 00:02:43,257
I'm an ER doctor.
I deal with kids every day.
76
00:02:43,258 --> 00:02:45,392
Now, go forth,
make a mom-friend
77
00:02:45,393 --> 00:02:46,560
you don't hate.
78
00:02:46,561 --> 00:02:48,595
- Love.
- Love you.
79
00:02:48,596 --> 00:02:50,030
Thank you.
80
00:02:50,031 --> 00:02:51,999
Whoa-ho!
81
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:53,867
Taxi!
82
00:03:02,410 --> 00:03:04,178
Hi, it's under "Weber."
83
00:03:04,179 --> 00:03:06,447
Our friends are, like,
two minutes away.
84
00:03:06,448 --> 00:03:09,550
- Jill, hi.
- Hi!
85
00:03:09,551 --> 00:03:12,586
Nice to meet you.
This is my husband, Joffrey.
86
00:03:12,587 --> 00:03:15,089
Enchanté. God,
87
00:03:15,090 --> 00:03:17,458
I love your whole look.
88
00:03:17,459 --> 00:03:19,326
It's like Marc Jacobs had
a threesome
89
00:03:19,327 --> 00:03:21,328
with Morticia Addams
and Karl Lagerfeld's
90
00:03:21,329 --> 00:03:24,732
- androgynous younger sister.
- Wow. Thank you.
91
00:03:24,733 --> 00:03:26,200
Welcome to Shiawase.
92
00:03:26,201 --> 00:03:28,068
It is Japanese word
for happiness.
93
00:03:28,069 --> 00:03:31,105
- Please follow the me.
- Oh, sure.
94
00:03:31,106 --> 00:03:33,207
I'm sorry, but is he...
95
00:03:33,208 --> 00:03:34,708
They're perfect!
96
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:36,577
It's like a BFF
and a gay best friend
97
00:03:36,578 --> 00:03:39,513
rolled up in one couple.
Don't eff this up.
98
00:03:39,514 --> 00:03:42,049
I thought von Weber
was party of six.
99
00:03:42,050 --> 00:03:44,284
No, we're the von-less Webers.
100
00:03:44,285 --> 00:03:45,886
- Oh, my God.
101
00:03:45,887 --> 00:03:47,654
- Andy!
- Dude!
102
00:03:47,655 --> 00:03:48,789
- Hi!
- Crazy!
103
00:03:48,790 --> 00:03:50,290
This isn't happening.
104
00:03:50,292 --> 00:03:52,292
_
105
00:03:52,294 --> 00:03:53,380
_
106
00:03:53,382 --> 00:03:55,810
_
107
00:03:55,812 --> 00:03:57,521
_
108
00:03:57,632 --> 00:03:58,999
What is she saying?
109
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:02,102
_
110
00:04:02,103 --> 00:04:03,403
Right this way.
111
00:04:04,739 --> 00:04:06,607
No. You... this can not happen.
112
00:04:06,608 --> 00:04:07,808
You know I hate group dinners.
113
00:04:07,809 --> 00:04:09,109
Ah, this is great.
114
00:04:09,110 --> 00:04:10,577
What am I supposed to do?
115
00:04:10,578 --> 00:04:13,180
I don't know.
Pull the fire alarm.
116
00:04:13,181 --> 00:04:15,649
Light yourself on fire.
Something with fire.
117
00:04:15,650 --> 00:04:18,252
Everybody have a seat.
Girls on this end,
118
00:04:18,253 --> 00:04:19,520
boys on that end.
119
00:04:19,521 --> 00:04:21,055
Honey, look, I know
it's not ideal,
120
00:04:21,056 --> 00:04:22,456
but please try and go
with the flow
121
00:04:22,457 --> 00:04:23,991
and try and have
a good time for me.
122
00:04:23,992 --> 00:04:27,394
Fine.
Totes. I'm just hungry.
123
00:04:27,395 --> 00:04:29,096
- Lex. How you doing? Hey.
- Hey.
124
00:04:29,097 --> 00:04:31,098
Hey.
125
00:04:31,099 --> 00:04:33,333
- Jilly beans. You look pretty.
- I'm just with my friend.
126
00:04:33,334 --> 00:04:35,069
Come on, sit down.
Sit down.
127
00:04:35,070 --> 00:04:36,103
Tell me everything.
128
00:04:36,104 --> 00:04:38,005
- Hang with the boys tonight.
- Rima.
129
00:04:38,006 --> 00:04:39,306
You're one of the bros,
am I right?
130
00:04:39,307 --> 00:04:40,474
I'm Brooke.
131
00:04:40,475 --> 00:04:41,607
- Uh, Brooke?
- Yeah.
132
00:04:44,112 --> 00:04:45,579
Ew, stop it.
133
00:04:45,580 --> 00:04:47,147
Hey, guys, cut it out.
134
00:04:47,148 --> 00:04:50,117
Seriously. There are kids
in some parts of Africa
135
00:04:50,118 --> 00:04:51,985
who would slurp that noodle
off their dirt floor.
136
00:04:51,986 --> 00:04:54,988
- Why is their floor dirt?
- And why are they so hungry?
137
00:04:54,989 --> 00:04:57,791
Uh...
138
00:04:57,792 --> 00:04:59,893
those are really
good questions, guys.
139
00:04:59,894 --> 00:05:02,196
I guess the main reasons
140
00:05:02,197 --> 00:05:04,098
are lack of infrastructure,
141
00:05:04,099 --> 00:05:06,300
famine, disease...
142
00:05:06,301 --> 00:05:09,703
- and war.
- Why do they have a war?
143
00:05:09,704 --> 00:05:11,505
Hmm. Let's back it up.
144
00:05:11,506 --> 00:05:12,673
Have your folks
talked to you at all
145
00:05:12,674 --> 00:05:15,309
- about ethnic tensions?
- Uh-uh.
146
00:05:15,310 --> 00:05:18,679
Thank you.
147
00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:20,747
So, uh, Jared, what do you do?
148
00:05:20,748 --> 00:05:22,649
Uh, I short currencies. Ooh!
149
00:05:22,650 --> 00:05:26,420
Yeah! We're getting
insta updates off ESPN.
150
00:05:26,421 --> 00:05:28,155
You do it, Hernandez!
151
00:05:28,156 --> 00:05:30,090
It's awesome.
152
00:05:30,091 --> 00:05:33,093
So where did you
learn Japanese?
153
00:05:33,094 --> 00:05:36,663
Well, I skied on the
U.S. Slalom team at Nagano,
154
00:05:36,664 --> 00:05:38,866
so I think of all the Japanese
155
00:05:38,867 --> 00:05:40,934
as my "fa-mu-rii."
156
00:05:40,935 --> 00:05:43,837
- It means family.
- Wow, you were an Olympian?
157
00:05:43,838 --> 00:05:45,272
- That's amazing.
- I know.
158
00:05:45,273 --> 00:05:47,040
Hi, can we get
some menus, please?
159
00:05:47,041 --> 00:05:49,443
Not being a diva,
I'm just a minute away from
160
00:05:49,444 --> 00:05:51,878
taking a bite out of
your beautiful child-face.
161
00:05:53,915 --> 00:05:56,717
Stunning. I'm hypnotized.
162
00:05:56,718 --> 00:05:58,685
You're so sweet.
163
00:05:58,686 --> 00:06:01,188
And I love your scarf.
164
00:06:01,189 --> 00:06:03,790
Is that from the looms of
the Rajasthani weaver's guild?
165
00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:06,059
I did a story on them.
How did you...
166
00:06:06,060 --> 00:06:07,694
I was literally just
emailing with Devadas...
167
00:06:07,695 --> 00:06:10,130
Oh, my God.
Hi, Danielle. Over here.
168
00:06:10,131 --> 00:06:11,931
Brooke, look who it is.
169
00:06:13,902 --> 00:06:15,902
Jill, let's not make a scene.
170
00:06:16,646 --> 00:06:18,638
What do you mean?
She's your peeps.
171
00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:21,875
Not since her husband
got nabbed for insider trading.
172
00:06:21,876 --> 00:06:23,877
Wait, so her husband
went to jail
173
00:06:23,878 --> 00:06:25,479
so you stop talking to her?
174
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:28,115
Brooke can't be around all
that drama while she's pregnant.
175
00:06:28,116 --> 00:06:31,417
Ten years.
Orange is the New Bye-Bye.
176
00:06:32,728 --> 00:06:36,123
Oh, nope, we don't need
menus, we're not tourists.
177
00:06:36,124 --> 00:06:38,325
We're doing...
178
00:06:38,326 --> 00:06:40,727
Omakase.
179
00:06:42,297 --> 00:06:44,264
Chef selection menu.
180
00:06:44,265 --> 00:06:47,601
We have silver lotus level
and gold dragon level.
181
00:06:47,602 --> 00:06:50,637
Or laughing Buddha level.
182
00:06:50,638 --> 00:06:53,006
11 courses.
183
00:06:53,007 --> 00:06:56,043
So special.
Even price is a mystery.
184
00:06:56,044 --> 00:06:57,344
Done.
185
00:06:57,345 --> 00:06:58,979
Ten laughing Buddhas.
186
00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:01,682
Make that nine
laughing Buddhas.
187
00:07:01,683 --> 00:07:03,784
Sorry, I'll just have
the creamy, spicy shrimp.
188
00:07:03,785 --> 00:07:08,355
Uh, Omakase menu must be
everyone together
189
00:07:08,356 --> 00:07:11,525
or no one can enjoy.
190
00:07:11,526 --> 00:07:15,429
- Is there like a three course?
- No, 11 courses all around.
191
00:07:15,430 --> 00:07:17,164
We're gonna be here all night.
192
00:07:17,165 --> 00:07:19,700
And, uh, six bottles
of your best sake.
193
00:07:20,868 --> 00:07:22,469
Thank you for your trust.
194
00:07:22,470 --> 00:07:24,504
While we prepare, please enjoy
195
00:07:24,505 --> 00:07:26,807
Japanese lute performance.
196
00:07:34,535 --> 00:07:36,535
I hate group dinners.
197
00:07:36,569 --> 00:07:38,437
You're never at
the good end of the table,
198
00:07:38,438 --> 00:07:40,139
you're paying
a bajillion dollars
199
00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:43,242
to subsidize
other people's alcoholism,
200
00:07:43,243 --> 00:07:45,611
and it goes on
forevskis and a day.
201
00:07:45,612 --> 00:07:47,713
- Am I right?
- Open wide.
202
00:07:50,183 --> 00:07:54,485
First course is fresh
Daikon leaf with sea salt.
203
00:07:55,789 --> 00:07:57,456
Ooh.
204
00:08:01,061 --> 00:08:03,929
We have to get
together sometime.
205
00:08:03,930 --> 00:08:05,731
Just saying hi.
206
00:08:05,732 --> 00:08:07,833
Isn't this ridic?
207
00:08:07,834 --> 00:08:09,668
I mean, really,
they probably just picked that
208
00:08:09,669 --> 00:08:10,702
out of the planter
in the corner
209
00:08:10,703 --> 00:08:12,137
and shoved it on a plate.
210
00:08:12,138 --> 00:08:14,840
Jill, just try it.
It's delicious.
211
00:08:14,841 --> 00:08:18,911
- It's so fresh.
- Oh... kay.
212
00:08:18,912 --> 00:08:21,246
Next course trio of edamame.
213
00:08:21,247 --> 00:08:23,382
Pearls of wisdom.
214
00:08:23,383 --> 00:08:26,985
Fourth course,
bamboo-infused Udon noodle.
215
00:08:26,986 --> 00:08:29,288
Most auspicious noodle.
216
00:08:29,289 --> 00:08:31,156
Ooh.
217
00:08:31,157 --> 00:08:33,558
You're so lonely.
218
00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:41,633
Jill?
219
00:08:41,634 --> 00:08:44,803
How did you know it was me?
220
00:08:44,804 --> 00:08:47,239
Your shoes sounded cheap.
221
00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:49,141
Hey.
222
00:08:49,142 --> 00:08:52,978
I'm sorry about your husband,
and, you know, jail.
223
00:08:52,979 --> 00:08:55,647
Oh, okay.
It's a difficult time.
224
00:08:55,648 --> 00:08:58,050
- Let it out.
- Thank you for talking to me.
225
00:08:58,051 --> 00:08:59,785
Brooke won't even look at me.
226
00:08:59,786 --> 00:09:03,155
Danielle,
you are a strong woman
227
00:09:03,156 --> 00:09:05,090
and...
228
00:09:05,091 --> 00:09:06,492
Do you happen to have
any snacks in your purse?
229
00:09:06,493 --> 00:09:08,861
My blood sugar
is base jumping right now.
230
00:09:08,862 --> 00:09:13,298
You think I'd carry
food in my handbag?
231
00:09:13,299 --> 00:09:14,967
What has happened to my life?
232
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:17,002
No, of course not.
You're still you.
233
00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:18,337
Okay.
234
00:09:18,338 --> 00:09:21,373
Just... just without your
husband or your friends.
235
00:09:22,909 --> 00:09:26,211
Look, I have to go back,
but if you need anything,
236
00:09:26,212 --> 00:09:29,982
I am here, you know,
in spirit. Okay?
237
00:09:29,983 --> 00:09:30,983
All right.
238
00:09:30,984 --> 00:09:33,585
Awesome rocky rolls.
239
00:09:37,290 --> 00:09:40,025
- Where's mine?
- It was delicious.
240
00:09:40,026 --> 00:09:44,563
Like a pussy made out of rice.
241
00:09:44,564 --> 00:09:48,333
Jilly beans, you gotta listen
to Sebastian's story.
242
00:09:48,334 --> 00:09:50,736
I just banged
this epileptic chick.
243
00:09:50,737 --> 00:09:53,305
I made her cum so hard
she had a seizure.
244
00:09:53,306 --> 00:09:56,542
In bed she was like...
245
00:09:59,212 --> 00:10:00,746
Wait, excuse me,
aren't you married?
246
00:10:00,747 --> 00:10:03,649
- Oh, yeah.
- Hey, he's deaf.
247
00:10:03,650 --> 00:10:07,252
- So?
- Anyway, I'd go with your wife.
248
00:10:07,253 --> 00:10:09,254
I think about it all the time.
249
00:10:09,255 --> 00:10:11,156
What are you guys
talking about?
250
00:10:11,157 --> 00:10:12,524
Who at the table
we'd bone if our wives
251
00:10:12,525 --> 00:10:14,593
- gave us a freebie.
- I bet you she's a screamer.
252
00:10:14,594 --> 00:10:18,197
And I love fake tits.
253
00:10:18,198 --> 00:10:20,098
- Whoa!
- Dude, if you were anybody else
254
00:10:20,099 --> 00:10:22,367
I would pummel you,
but you're you,
255
00:10:22,368 --> 00:10:24,603
so it's hilarious.
256
00:10:24,604 --> 00:10:26,438
Hey, let's hear
the Jill version. Huh?
257
00:10:26,439 --> 00:10:27,906
Which one of us would it be?
258
00:10:27,907 --> 00:10:29,441
For shits and gigs.
259
00:10:38,184 --> 00:10:40,251
This is thick.
260
00:10:42,021 --> 00:10:43,755
I would take you all
up to my bedroom...
261
00:10:43,756 --> 00:10:45,624
- Oh!
- Oh, she's crazy!
262
00:10:45,625 --> 00:10:48,393
And then I'd roofie you,
roll you up in a duvet,
263
00:10:48,394 --> 00:10:51,663
and light it on fire.
Excuse me.
264
00:10:51,664 --> 00:10:54,233
Jilly beans.
265
00:10:54,235 --> 00:10:55,567
That's kinda dark.
266
00:10:56,569 --> 00:10:58,203
We are in hour three.
267
00:10:58,204 --> 00:10:59,771
Seriously, call the police.
268
00:10:59,772 --> 00:11:01,773
Tell them there's
a hostage situation.
269
00:11:01,774 --> 00:11:03,342
It isn't even really a lie.
270
00:11:03,343 --> 00:11:04,943
Group dinners.
271
00:11:04,944 --> 00:11:07,713
It's like hell and purgatory
at the same time.
272
00:11:07,714 --> 00:11:09,448
Sometimes I think
you're the only person
273
00:11:09,449 --> 00:11:10,882
who really understands me.
274
00:11:10,883 --> 00:11:13,619
I'm definitely the only person
who understands you.
275
00:11:13,620 --> 00:11:14,987
- How many people?
- Ten!
276
00:11:14,988 --> 00:11:16,989
And my mom-friend
thinks I'm cellophane
277
00:11:16,990 --> 00:11:18,924
and Brooke is turning on
her tractor beam,
278
00:11:18,925 --> 00:11:20,392
and acting all smart.
279
00:11:20,393 --> 00:11:22,928
Listen, you have a tractor beam.
You're smart.
280
00:11:22,929 --> 00:11:24,296
You had the date
with the mom-friend.
281
00:11:24,297 --> 00:11:25,497
I say fight back.
282
00:11:25,498 --> 00:11:27,766
Thanks, I think I will.
283
00:11:27,767 --> 00:11:30,167
Love you. Bye.
284
00:11:31,404 --> 00:11:33,005
So, where were we?
285
00:11:33,006 --> 00:11:34,973
AIDS.
286
00:11:42,515 --> 00:11:44,349
Do you mind if I take this?
287
00:11:44,350 --> 00:11:47,986
Thanks.
288
00:11:47,987 --> 00:11:49,454
Jill, what are you doing?
289
00:11:49,455 --> 00:11:51,657
- Just joining the party.
- There's no place setting.
290
00:11:51,658 --> 00:11:54,059
Oh, it's okay.
291
00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:56,428
- So where were we?
- I was just telling Rima
292
00:11:56,429 --> 00:11:58,263
how, ever since the sale,
293
00:11:58,264 --> 00:11:59,965
I've felt I needed a bigger
294
00:11:59,966 --> 00:12:02,200
philanthropic canvas,
so to speak.
295
00:12:02,201 --> 00:12:04,002
If you are as fortunate
as we are,
296
00:12:04,003 --> 00:12:05,837
you have to constantly
be giving back
297
00:12:05,838 --> 00:12:07,172
or you start to look bad.
298
00:12:07,173 --> 00:12:09,474
So, I thought,
299
00:12:09,475 --> 00:12:11,677
"Who needs things?"
300
00:12:11,678 --> 00:12:13,712
Orphans in Africa.
301
00:12:13,713 --> 00:12:15,113
Well, what are you
going to focus on?
302
00:12:15,114 --> 00:12:16,415
I mean, there's just
so many issues.
303
00:12:16,416 --> 00:12:19,184
Totally. Ebola, hunger.
304
00:12:19,185 --> 00:12:21,520
But then it hit me...
305
00:12:21,521 --> 00:12:24,055
Bouncy castles.
306
00:12:26,326 --> 00:12:28,493
Wait, you're going to send
307
00:12:28,494 --> 00:12:31,663
bouncy castles to Africa?
308
00:12:31,664 --> 00:12:33,598
Did you ever consider,
I don't know,
309
00:12:33,599 --> 00:12:35,634
toilets or medicine?
310
00:12:37,603 --> 00:12:39,971
It may seem frivolous,
311
00:12:39,972 --> 00:12:42,140
but bouncy castles
are low-cost to ship
312
00:12:42,141 --> 00:12:43,742
and they don't require
any assembly.
313
00:12:43,743 --> 00:12:45,377
The way I see it,
314
00:12:45,378 --> 00:12:48,079
joy shouldn't be a luxury item.
315
00:12:51,551 --> 00:12:53,885
I think it's original, Brooke.
316
00:12:53,886 --> 00:12:57,689
You're giving these poor kids
a chance to just be kids.
317
00:12:57,690 --> 00:13:00,559
- You get it.
- I'm sorry, Rima,
318
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,195
but when you were in "Nambia,"
did it really seem like
319
00:13:03,196 --> 00:13:06,031
the thing they needed the most
was bouncy castles?
320
00:13:06,032 --> 00:13:09,234
- Do you mean Namibia?
- "Nambia's" not a country.
321
00:13:09,235 --> 00:13:11,770
Oh, right, I meant Zambia.
322
00:13:11,771 --> 00:13:13,438
Ah.
323
00:13:14,841 --> 00:13:16,908
Seventh course is holy water
324
00:13:16,909 --> 00:13:19,478
from mountains
of Nagano prefecture.
325
00:13:19,479 --> 00:13:22,381
Nagano!
326
00:13:26,953 --> 00:13:28,687
Mmm.
327
00:13:28,688 --> 00:13:30,956
Tastes just how I remember.
328
00:13:30,957 --> 00:13:32,456
Like victory.
329
00:13:37,855 --> 00:13:40,023
I mean, couldn't you just barf?
330
00:13:40,357 --> 00:13:42,792
Rima's eating it up
and I'm sitting there
331
00:13:42,793 --> 00:13:45,795
starving my ass off
trapped in a douche canoe
332
00:13:45,796 --> 00:13:47,997
with a chopstick for a paddle.
333
00:13:50,534 --> 00:13:54,704
Eighth course is
whipped fermented fish paste.
334
00:13:54,705 --> 00:13:56,172
Ooh.
335
00:14:02,246 --> 00:14:05,348
Hon, I'm sorry, I tried,
I really tried,
336
00:14:05,349 --> 00:14:06,916
but here's my proposal.
337
00:14:06,917 --> 00:14:09,052
Popeye's, sex, and Broad City.
338
00:14:09,053 --> 00:14:12,188
No! You can't take him from me.
339
00:14:12,189 --> 00:14:14,224
No, ma'am.
340
00:14:14,225 --> 00:14:15,492
Come on, hon,
I don't want to leave.
341
00:14:15,493 --> 00:14:17,360
I'm having fun.
342
00:14:17,361 --> 00:14:19,763
Okay, you stay
and I'm gonna take
343
00:14:19,764 --> 00:14:21,297
my "hangry" ass home.
344
00:14:21,298 --> 00:14:23,500
You cannot miss
the sea urchin course.
345
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:26,036
Now sit your tiny ass down.
346
00:14:26,037 --> 00:14:28,203
I forbid you to leave.
347
00:14:32,009 --> 00:14:35,745
So, Jared,
what made you the, uh,
348
00:14:35,746 --> 00:14:38,081
unforgettable person
you are today?
349
00:14:38,082 --> 00:14:40,684
- Spare no details.
- I'm glad you asked.
350
00:14:40,685 --> 00:14:42,619
I was born with acid reflux
351
00:14:42,620 --> 00:14:45,321
so I grew up in Scarsdale,
my mom's a piano teacher...
352
00:14:45,322 --> 00:14:47,891
held off my circumcision...
I had to wear corrective shoes
353
00:14:47,892 --> 00:14:49,292
till my Bar Mitzvah...
Yeah, I was molested
354
00:14:49,293 --> 00:14:51,728
by my uncle
and my third grade teacher.
355
00:14:51,729 --> 00:14:53,730
And my track coach.
I think I must've just been
356
00:14:53,731 --> 00:14:55,598
a really beautiful kid.
357
00:14:55,599 --> 00:14:58,435
Final course.
Fragile egg shell.
358
00:14:58,436 --> 00:15:01,570
Ooh.
359
00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:06,342
Empty of substance like life.
360
00:15:06,343 --> 00:15:09,512
It is whimsical Zen koan
of dessert.
361
00:15:09,513 --> 00:15:12,681
Thank you. Good night.
362
00:15:19,590 --> 00:15:22,425
Honey, we should go.
Sitter, okay?
363
00:15:22,426 --> 00:15:23,592
Check please.
364
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,969
Six grand, yo.
365
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:34,771
Must have been the sake.
366
00:15:34,772 --> 00:15:36,573
Hey, credit card roulette.
367
00:15:36,574 --> 00:15:39,109
Testicles on the table, d-bags.
368
00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:41,310
Boom.
369
00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:47,683
Do the honors.
370
00:15:54,258 --> 00:15:57,727
Boom!
371
00:15:57,728 --> 00:16:01,965
It's me.
372
00:16:01,966 --> 00:16:04,233
Yeah, it's nothing.
It's chump change.
373
00:16:05,369 --> 00:16:07,270
Okay, well,
this has been really great.
374
00:16:07,271 --> 00:16:09,672
What a coincidence,
we should buy a Lotto ticket
375
00:16:09,673 --> 00:16:12,175
on the way home. Thank you.
376
00:16:12,176 --> 00:16:14,910
Okay. What... what happened
to your ring?
377
00:16:18,582 --> 00:16:21,583
No!
378
00:16:25,189 --> 00:16:27,791
But do you believe in God,
Aunt Vanessa?
379
00:16:27,792 --> 00:16:31,628
Um, I don't think
I do, actually.
380
00:16:31,629 --> 00:16:34,097
You know? I kind of see God
as a comforting,
381
00:16:34,098 --> 00:16:36,432
imaginary figure
that makes people feel better.
382
00:16:36,433 --> 00:16:38,635
Like Santa Claus
or the Tooth Fairy.
383
00:16:38,636 --> 00:16:42,005
The Tooth Fairy's not real?
384
00:16:42,006 --> 00:16:44,741
Okay, one more topic
and then you're going to sleep.
385
00:16:44,742 --> 00:16:46,309
And this time, I mean it.
386
00:16:46,310 --> 00:16:48,945
But, Aunt Vanessa,
if it's not God,
387
00:16:48,946 --> 00:16:50,713
then who gives people AIDS?
388
00:16:50,714 --> 00:16:53,683
Hm, how many of you
389
00:16:53,684 --> 00:16:56,853
have heard the term,
"retrovirus"?
390
00:16:56,854 --> 00:16:59,823
Ma'am, calm down.
391
00:16:59,824 --> 00:17:01,925
Do you mind telling me
what happened?
392
00:17:01,926 --> 00:17:03,459
Ma'am, I understand
you're upset,
393
00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:05,094
but we can't perform
rectal searches
394
00:17:05,095 --> 00:17:06,229
without probable cause.
395
00:17:06,230 --> 00:17:09,098
- Find anything?
- Just a sticky Euro.
396
00:17:09,099 --> 00:17:11,835
I am so sorry
this was such a disaster.
397
00:17:11,836 --> 00:17:14,170
Are you kidding?
11 course meal,
398
00:17:14,171 --> 00:17:15,805
jewel heist,
this is the most fun
399
00:17:15,806 --> 00:17:18,041
I've had in a long time.
400
00:17:18,042 --> 00:17:20,076
I was always so intimidated
by your sister-in-law,
401
00:17:20,077 --> 00:17:21,544
but she's actually quite warm.
402
00:17:21,545 --> 00:17:23,746
You've had dinner
with the Taliban
403
00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:25,648
and you're intimidated
by Brooke?
404
00:17:25,649 --> 00:17:28,117
Yeah, I mean, she's just so...
405
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:30,854
glamorous.
I could never be like that.
406
00:17:30,855 --> 00:17:33,289
Forget it.
407
00:17:33,290 --> 00:17:37,093
Let the record reflect
that I "went with the flow."
408
00:17:37,094 --> 00:17:38,728
You know who else
went with the flow?
409
00:17:38,729 --> 00:17:40,997
Leo DiCaprio in Titanic.
410
00:17:40,998 --> 00:17:42,765
Honey, what are you gonna do?
411
00:17:42,766 --> 00:17:45,401
- She lost her rock.
- Does nothing bother you?
412
00:17:45,402 --> 00:17:47,604
We've been here
for seven hours!
413
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:48,972
I actually had
a good time, hon.
414
00:17:48,973 --> 00:17:51,007
I mean, I'm sorry that you
got stuck at the bankers end
415
00:17:51,008 --> 00:17:53,676
of the table,
but what do you want from me?
416
00:17:53,677 --> 00:17:55,979
I just wish,
every once in a while,
417
00:17:55,980 --> 00:17:58,848
that people annoyed you
as much as they annoy me.
418
00:17:58,849 --> 00:18:01,417
Well, I'm annoyed right now.
419
00:18:01,418 --> 00:18:02,951
Ya happy?
420
00:18:09,793 --> 00:18:11,594
Jesus, you're still here?
421
00:18:11,595 --> 00:18:14,497
Jill?
422
00:18:14,498 --> 00:18:16,866
I just couldn't deal with
them all looking at me again
423
00:18:16,867 --> 00:18:18,401
when I walked out.
424
00:18:18,402 --> 00:18:19,969
- Danielle,
- What?
425
00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:21,804
Who cares what a bunch of
426
00:18:21,805 --> 00:18:24,774
anorexic, pill-popping
hypocrites think?
427
00:18:24,775 --> 00:18:27,043
I mean, they let
this vile misogynist
428
00:18:27,044 --> 00:18:29,012
go on and on about
the other women
429
00:18:29,016 --> 00:18:30,880
he's banging because he's deaf.
430
00:18:30,881 --> 00:18:33,316
And another one is
pretending her husband
431
00:18:33,317 --> 00:18:35,618
isn't sashaying down
Christopher Street
432
00:18:35,619 --> 00:18:39,688
waving a rainbow flag.
433
00:18:43,127 --> 00:18:44,560
Rima, hi.
434
00:18:44,561 --> 00:18:48,464
Wow, that was a lot.
435
00:18:48,465 --> 00:18:50,833
I'm sorry, it was
the low blood sugar talking.
436
00:18:50,834 --> 00:18:52,902
I barely ate anything
all day and the portions
437
00:18:52,903 --> 00:18:55,071
are like you need
a microscope to see them.
438
00:18:55,072 --> 00:18:57,106
Hey, it's not my business.
439
00:18:57,107 --> 00:19:00,710
I'm just surprised that
you're harshing on everyone.
440
00:19:00,711 --> 00:19:03,745
You just seemed so nice.
441
00:19:08,986 --> 00:19:11,287
And you know what?
That was really offensive.
442
00:19:11,288 --> 00:19:15,023
That man is not gay,
he is deaf.
443
00:19:18,862 --> 00:19:20,829
Snap, that was cold.
444
00:19:27,771 --> 00:19:29,973
- Hey.
- Sorry we're so late.
445
00:19:29,974 --> 00:19:32,675
So, what happened
with the mom-crush?
446
00:19:32,676 --> 00:19:34,777
Pretty sure
I dirty-bombed that friendship.
447
00:19:34,778 --> 00:19:37,313
You think I'm a nice person,
don't you?
448
00:19:37,314 --> 00:19:39,315
If you were just
"a nice person,"
449
00:19:39,316 --> 00:19:41,217
we wouldn't be friends.
Come here.
450
00:19:41,218 --> 00:19:43,519
I worship you.
451
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:44,854
Littles?
452
00:19:44,855 --> 00:19:47,657
Perfect angels. What else...
453
00:19:47,658 --> 00:19:49,192
There's a load of laundry
in the dryer,
454
00:19:49,193 --> 00:19:51,794
I finished your grapes,
and oh, yeah,
455
00:19:51,795 --> 00:19:54,497
I told the kids about
starvation, war, and AIDS.
456
00:19:54,498 --> 00:19:55,498
And how there's no God.
457
00:19:55,499 --> 00:19:57,033
Okay, I love you.
458
00:19:57,034 --> 00:20:00,026
Love you more. Bye.
459
00:20:00,070 --> 00:20:02,305
Night.
460
00:20:02,306 --> 00:20:03,639
Mmm.
461
00:20:10,514 --> 00:20:12,582
Hey, you're snoring again.
462
00:20:12,583 --> 00:20:15,585
What's it? Sex time?
463
00:20:15,586 --> 00:20:18,321
No. Babe,
464
00:20:18,322 --> 00:20:19,989
tonight sucked balls,
465
00:20:19,990 --> 00:20:22,357
and it wasn't entirely
your fault.
466
00:20:24,028 --> 00:20:26,229
Is that...
467
00:20:26,230 --> 00:20:28,598
I accept your apology.
468
00:20:28,599 --> 00:20:31,467
I think this Upper East Side
momzilla scene
469
00:20:31,468 --> 00:20:33,468
is making me crazy.
470
00:20:37,341 --> 00:20:39,375
Maybe it's time for us to move.
471
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,914
We never did find
Brooke's rock.
472
00:20:44,915 --> 00:20:46,516
If there's any justice
in the world,
473
00:20:46,517 --> 00:20:50,753
it went home
up a busboy's butthole.
474
00:20:50,754 --> 00:20:51,954
There you are.
475
00:20:51,955 --> 00:20:53,923
Damn pregnancy boobs.
476
00:20:53,924 --> 00:20:56,759
Anyway, I feel so much better
after talking to you.
477
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:59,395
I mean, Rima's just one person.
478
00:20:59,396 --> 00:21:02,925
This is a big city.
It's not like she's whispering to everyone's
479
00:21:02,927 --> 00:21:04,927
ear, telling them what to think.
480
00:21:04,929 --> 00:21:06,925
...was once the main thoroughfare
of this storied town,
481
00:21:06,927 --> 00:21:08,927
but now looks like a river.
482
00:21:08,929 --> 00:21:10,396
I'm Rima Chiquiri-Portman, reporting live.
483
00:21:10,398 --> 00:21:11,807
I just love this repoter.
484
00:21:11,809 --> 00:21:14,243
She's so substantive.
Don't you think?
485
00:21:14,245 --> 00:21:17,750
On Monday, Rima Chiquri-Portman reports on
a charity that brings bouncy castles to Africa.
486
00:21:17,752 --> 00:21:20,914
sync and correction by solfieri
www.addic7ed.com
487
00:21:24,721 --> 00:21:26,688
Oh, d,
left, right, left, right!
34399
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.