Original subtitles

I don't make her choose between Star Wars and...

the other one.

[eerie voice] Whoo-oo-oo?

"Who goes there?"

Whoo-oo-oo?

"Who dares disturb the ancient temple?"

Whoo-oo-oo?

"Who has very little to do with any of this and should be spared?"

Hint: his name is Pete.

Whoo-oo-oo...

has heard of the War of 1812?

Mrs. Byrne? How'd you get here?

To Vietnam?

I took a boat.

But... what are you doing here?

I heard you were close to finding the fountain of youth.

I've been searching for it for as long as I can remember.

So... for just a couple of minutes.

Ahh. It's good to be an immature adult again.

Give me your fancy hat, human!

[falsetto shriek]

[Taser crackling]

Echo! What are you doing?

The leaf monkeys have been chased away from their habitat

by stupid Adam and his stupid science and are scared to return.

I figured if I acted like one of them, they'd see it's safe.

So... Ooh-ooh, eee-eee.

Aaaaaah!

Stop that!

Monkeys don't use Tasers!

I'm sorry. I'm not a monkey expert.

Stupid Adam usually tells me all that stupid sciencey stuff.

Even when I beg him not to.

Wherever you go, I shall follow!

[both shrieking]

Now hit me! If you're not scared.

You know, I accidentally wandered into the village library

and saw that they had a book on monkey behavior.

That'll tell us exactly what to do.

What does the book say to do?

Don't be so curious.

[ominous soundtrack plays]

I can't believe I lost Echo.

[door closes]

Nothing could hurt more.

How about this?

Ow!

Let's call it a tie.

[dripping sound]

Do you hear that? Something's dripping.

It's blood from my head.

No, over there.

[dripping]

It's the fountain of youth!

Whee! [splashing] I never felt so young!

That's not the fountain of Young. That's guano.

Bat poop.

Bats?

[bats chittering]

No one move.

Especially you, Mrs. Byrne.

Do not emerge naked from that pool of bat poop.

One of the abilities these bats have is echolocation.

That's great news! They could help you find Echo.

No, it's bad news.

These bats sense movement.

We need to remain perfectly still to avoid an attack.

[fluttering]

Fascinating.

These are a local species of microchiroptera...

The lesser false vampire bat, or Megaderma spasma.

They get their name from...

[snoring]

Derby. Wake up! This is important.

What? What happened?

[bats chittering, Derby screaming]

Okay, the bats are busy, so now the rest of us can move.

Not you, Mrs. Byrne!

Whew!

We got away from those bats.

What about Derby?

I could be your new best friend.

Okay!

Remember that time you and I left Derby to be eaten by bats?

I do! Good times.

[panting]

I finally got all those bats off me!

- [bats chittering] - Aaaaaaah!

[door thuds]

Wow. You got scratched up pretty bad.

Those aren't scratches. They're bites.

I was bitten by the lesser false vampire bat?

That means...

You'll be fine.

I'm turning into a lesser false vampire!

That's not a thing.

Oh, yeah? Well, then how do you explain these?

Those are your teeth.

Have I always had these?

I'm so excited!

What an honor, to be selected as your first cover model.

And also our last cover model...

Once the villagers see your face

and burn the factory to the ground in disgust.

But congratulations.

- Thank you. - For what?

I know you faked that freak-out so I could be on the cover.

You're the best boyfriend ever!

Aw... Your back hair grew back!

Okay, here is the fancy hat

Giorgan Slabinske was supposed to wear for the cover shoot.

No one can see my face!

Yeah, but it's not all good.

We can still see your body.

Now work it!

[shutter snapping]

It says here, monkeys like to fly oversized kites.

Help! Help!

[Tater] Don't worry!

According to the next page of the book, this is supposed to happen!

We're lost!

Well, let's just ask for directions.

From whom? We're in a deserted underground temple!

[blows landing]

- Aaaaah! - Come on, hit me!

You scared of an old, helpless, frail man?

Dang! Do you know how we find...

Great!

There goes our only chance to ask for directions.

We could ask her.

How'd she get in here?

Who cares?

I just hope she's into

those steamy lesser false vampire young-adult novels

that are all the rage.

Excuse me? How did you get here?

[Mrs. Byrne] I already told you, I took a boat!

Mrs. Byrne? Why do you look like... that?

Like what? Clean?

I found a pool of water to wash off that bat poop.

You found the fountain of Young! Where is it?

I don't remember!

Okay, I don't know why I didn't go to this page first,

but here's some really basic monkey behavior.

Great. What do I do?

You swallow a jigsaw puzzle piece,

then I take you to the hospital.

Once there, you mistake a wheelchair for a go-cart,

race it down the hallway, and smash into the lunch carts...

right in front of the mayor!

What? There's no way it says that.

Oh, I don't know what it says. It's in Vietnamese.

I've been going by the pictures.

There are tons of fun, colorful illustrations.

This is "Curious George!"

Well, it may be curious, but my name is not George.

Oh, wait. It is George.

George Tater.

- Anyway, what's curious about the book? - This is a kids' book.

The leaf monkeys are gone forever,

and nothing in this book is going to bring them back.

[monkey shrieks]

[monkey cackles]

My yellow hat! My fancy yellow hat!

Leaf monkey!

George Tater!

- Just hit me! - I will not harm you, master!

- You must fulfill your duty! - I cannot hit you!

Then I'll follow you wherever you go!

[both] Uh-oh.

[splash!]

Hyah!

All right, leaf monkey, give the man back his yellow hat.

Don't listen to him, leaf monkey! You can have the hat!

Tell your friends it's safe here!

Wait a second.

Why does this leaf monkey have a zipper?

How else would he shed his coat in the summer?

[gasp] The fancy hat factory owner?

Why are you dressed like a leaf monkey?

There are no leaf monkeys.

My family made them up generations ago,

so people would have to keep buying our fancy hats.

Every time a "leaf monkey" steals a hat,

the customer comes back and buys a new one.

That is an ingenious business model.

Thank you!

Not everyone can appreciate a villainous plot.

It's a shame you won't be around to tell anyone.

[whoosh]

You won't get away with this!

Someone will rescue us!

My contract said "tomato juice"...

this... is to-mah-to juice!

You won't get away with this.

[dramatic soundtrack plays]

How many rooms are in this place?

I vill count...

because I love to count!

Vone... Ah-ah-ah!

Number that comes after vone...

Ah-ah-ah!

Derby. You're not a lesser false vampire.

You're a lesser false human.

No, I have not heard of the War of 1812,

but, uh, why don't you come over to my place

and tell me about it?

- Shh! Do you hear that? - [trickling]

It sounds like flowing water.

- [zipper zips] - and a zipper?

Wash your hands, for Pete's sake!

You don't have to do it for me, but it is a good idea.

Fine. Here's some water.

[gasps] What happened to my hands?

Derby... that's the fountain of young!

- Now. Yes! - Are you sure?

We did it! We're all going home!

Wooo-hoo!

Yay!

[Echo] Help! Help!

- That's Echo. - [Tater shrieking]

And she's with some girl!

Help! Help!

[Tater shrieking]

There's no use calling for help

and/or shrieking like a little girl.

No one will save you.

[Adam] Don't be so sure about that!

Adam! You came back!

And you brought a gorgeous woman with you.

Keep your eyes to yourself, baldy!

And Pete is here! To take out the trash.

You'll never stop me!

We'll see about that.

You are too late.

[gasps]

[giggles] That tickles.

Who put the feather in upside-down?

Your days of...

doing whatever it is you do, I really was busy with my own thing...

are over!

Help! Adam!

Derby, shut off the machine!

Stupid baby hands!

Oh, no!

Echo-o-o-oo!

You did it, Adam! You saved me!

Thank goodness, you're okay.

You have not seen the last of me.

[Derby] I think we have.

We're going home to graduate.

And I don't really see us coming back to Vietnam any time soon.

Then you probably have seen the last of me.

Echo, I'm so sorry.

No, I'm sorry. I should never have stormed off.

And I should never have let you go.

No scientific discovery is as important to me as you are.

And no leaf monkey is as important to me as you are.

Especially since I was totally wrong and there were no leaf monkeys.

What?

I said, and best of all, you did it! You found the fountain of Young!

And then lost it again.

I don't care.

You're the only thing I never want to lose.

[giggles]

That tickles.

[laughs]

Come on!

I have followed you to the four corners of the globe!

Just hit me already!

Fine! If it is truly your wish.

Dang!

How could you do that to me?

I'm an old man!

This guy hit an old man!

Dang, there you are!

I'm afraid we have some bad news. The fountain of Young is lost forever.

Along with any hope of bringing you home.

We didn't accomplish as much as we wanted!

Only some of us are going home!

Thank you for trying, but Master Ki is very old.

He needs me.

[Ki] No, I don't!

I found someone who can keep me young.

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[both giggling]

What's wrong, Dang? You get to come home.

But I'm still not going to graduate. I never did my science project.

Sure you did.

For the past four years,

you've been studying a new form of high-speed travel.

In fact, the "you called?" phenomenon

could revolutionize transportation technology.

That's worth an A in my book.

Thank you, Mr. Young.

See you back home.

What about the rest of us?

Oh, no. We're going to miss graduation!

No way.

I am graduating and leaving that place forever.

Goodbye!

We'll miss you!

Ah!

[Pomp and Circumstance plays]

Please welcome this year's graduates.

[cheering]

It must be nice to graduate high school.

I wouldn't know.

Please come get your diploma when you hear your name,

which I will call in alphabetical order.

A heads-up... I am not that familiar with the alphabet.

Derby von Derbotsford.

Congratulations, Derby.

Pranks, Mr. Tater.

You're wel... wait.

Did you say "thanks" or... "pranks?"

Ivy young.

Thanks, George.

I've made fun of you a lot these last few years...

That's it. Just reminiscing fondly.

- Dang. - Aaaaaah!

[Dang] I'm over here.

I'm going to take my time.

I want to enjoy this.

Echo Zizzleswift.

Thanks, Mr. Tater.

If it weren't for this school, I never would've met

the greatest person in my life.

I hear ya. We all feel that way about Pete.

[mouths word]

There's one more name I haven't called.

Jordan Slabinsky.

[crowd gasps]

Me? I'm graduating!

From high school?

Lucky!

Slab, you arrived at this high school 12 years ago,

an angry, mean bully who didn't care about school,

but you've really grown since then...

Not physically... You were always huge.

You deserve to graduate as much anyone up here.

[sobs]

Give me your handkerchief, nerd principal!

[blows nose]

[cheering]

Ladies and gentlemen,

the Finnegan High School graduating class!

[cheering]

Three! Two! One!

What happened to our hats?

Our fancy graduation hats.

[cackling]

I told you you hadn't seen the last of me!

Or should I say the last of us?

[monkeys chittering]

[gasp]

Leaf monkey!

Vortex!

There you are, Mr. Young.

I wanted to let you know about the new students you'll be getting next year.

There's Kirby, the prankster who's always falling asleep.

Gecho, the adorable, yet seemingly unattainable girl.

Jab, the...

Oversized bully?

What? No.

The foreign-exchange student chess-master.

Crab, the oversized bully.

And a bunch of other kids I don't know anything about,

and may change from week to week.

Well, I wish the next science teacher luck.

I've decided to leave Finnegan.

You're quitting?

I thought you'd be happy.

So did I.

When I hired a kid teacher four years ago,

I thought it was going to be a disaster.

And it was.

But you also made this place fun.

Thanks.

I had fun.

Then why are you leaving me?!

I took this job to have the high school experience I never had.

And now I've had it.

I managed to see this group of kids through high school,

but it was never easy.

So I took a job teaching at the university.

I'll finally have students who want to learn.

Hello, class. My name is Professor Young.

Welcome to... oh, no!

What are you all doing here?

Taking science, professor sweetie.

Wait. This isn't high school.

You don't have to take science.

You all chose to take science.

Well, that means I must have...

inspired you.

Easy there, professor sweetie.

You can call me Adam.

Today, we're going to be examining velocity, adhesion...

[splat!]

mold growth.

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