Original subtitles

[gasps] What's that? An ice cream maker?

No. It's a particle collider. I'm trying to study a black hole.

Why? Is it filled with ice cream?

I don't know what it's filled with. The nearest one is 1,600 light years away.

Well, there's an ice cream place on the corner.

You're buying.

I'm trying to use this collider to create a white hole...

A backdoor to a black hole, connected by a tunnel through space-time.

I don't know, that could be dangerous.

True. There's a chance I'll create a tear in the fabric of the universe

and destroy all life as we know it, but it's very small.

No, I mean it could be dangerous,

because if you don't take me for ice cream,

I'm gonna punch you in the face.

Whew. Here goes.

[whirring and jingling]

[zapping, roaring]

It worked!

That's starlight from the other side of the galaxy.

The class is going to be stunned.

I think they already are.

Oh, no.

They must have heard about the ice cream. I'll go take their orders.

No. Stop! We can't leave this room under any circumstance.

So, no ice cream?

Not unless you want to cause a catastrophic ripple in time.

Depends on the ripple. Raspberry or butterscotch?

? Goodbye, summer, hello, fall ?

? We've been trying to get here ?

? Since we both Were barely two feet tall ?

? Who you callin' kid? Who you callin' kid? ?

? Who you callin' kid? ?

? Can call me what you want ?

? But I won't hear a word ?

? Where I am here ?

? Who you callin' kid? ?

That should block out the light, but what are we going to do?

- Well, what I would do... - We're not going for ice cream!

[sighs]

The anti-gravity created by the white hole is making time go faster in this room.

That's weird. Usually, time goes really slowly in your class.

But outside this room, everything is normal.

Echo and Slab are moving so slowly compared to us, that they appear frozen.

Look how fast Adam and Derby are moving.

[gasps] We could form

an unstoppable team of crime fighters.

Imagine combining their super-speed,

my super-strength,

and your ability to look good

in a skin-tight jumpsuit.

According to my calculations,

for every one minute that passes out there,

three years will pass in here,

which means that... you and I could live an entire lifetime,

and to anyone watching, it would only take...

22 minutes.

22 minutes?

With you? That's gonna feel like a lifetime.

[door knob turning]

Uh-oh. Looks like echo and Slab are trying to get in.

If they open that door, they'll be sucked into this temporal vortex.

I'll shout through the window.

We can't go for ice cream!

Forget it, Derby. Anything you say is just gonna sound like gibberish.

Oh, no. Is my gibberish accent coming through?

You know, I spent the first seven years of my life in Gibberland.

We can hold up this note for them to read.

"Do not enter.

An accident has created a temporal rift in the science lab

causing time in here to move incredibly fast."

Oh, my arm!

I've been holding this up for, like, three months.

I knew Slab was a slow reader, but Echo?

Here's the next note.

This time... why don't you use tape?

Good idea.

Ah, much better.

Oh, no.

Mr. Tater is supposed to be evaluating Adam's teaching today.

They're evaluating teachers now?

Hope they don't start evaluating students.

We have to stall him while Adam works on fixing the problem.

But we don't have our skin-tight jumpsuits yet.

All I have are these rudimentary sketches.

Come on! We've got to hurry.

Merry Christmas, Mr. Tater!

Christmas?

What are you doing here? There's no school today.

Because it's Christmas!

See? And there's Santa!

Merry Chris!

Has anyone seen Mary and Chris?

They were supposed to hold the door open for me.

But there's no snow on the ground.

I know. It's unseasonably warm.

Even our snowman melted.

Snowball fight!

[splash]

[chuckles] That's fun.

But I'm pretty sure it's not Christmas.

Sure, it is! Why else would we have gotten you a gift?

It's an atomic desk calendar. It tells you the exact date and time.

April 13th? I knew it wasn't Christmas.

I thought we were going to get him tube socks.

It was on sale.

I think I'm getting closer to a solution.

Derby?

It's "Derb" now.

I took a year off to find myself.

I went backpacking around the lab.

I saw all sorts of amazing things.

I climbed to the very top of...

that cabinet.

Breathtaking.

While you've been wasting your 20s walking around in circles,

I've been working.

Man, you've got to take it easy. Enjoy life.

Unplug once in a while.

- Derby! - Derb.

You just wiped out ten years' worth of work.

You're welcome.

Derby?

Do you have anything I can write with? I'm almost out of chalk.

Kind of busy here, soaking up some rays.

This is serious.

You know what's serious? I'm in the prime of my life.

I'm 32 years old...

Derby, you're 35.

Shh! What's wrong with you? You want the ladies to hear?

There are no ladies in here and there never will be.

Then maybe that's the science problem you should be working on.

What are you doing?

Science.

Solve that, my friend.

Wow. The school is deserted.

I guess a lot of people celebrate fake Christmas.

I didn't realize it was becoming such a big holiday.

Anyway...

I'm just going to grab a quick cup of coffee

before I head to Mr. Young's class.

Don't drink that! It's... On the ground.

You should drink civet coffee, an Indonesian gourmet blend

made from beans picked out of cat poop.

I read about that in Things You Can't Afford magazine.

Well, I just glanced at it at the newsstand.

Things You Can't Afford magazine

is actually one of the things I can't afford.

Well, you're in luck. The cafeteria has its own civet now.

Meow.

Now we just wait.

Mm. Delicious.

Civet... You've outdone yourself.

Meow.

Anyway, I'd better stop by my office and get on with my day.

Wait! What's your hurry?

Have another cup.

Make him another cup.

All right, but it's gonna take me a few minutes.

Okay...

I think I'm about to finally have a breakthrough.

You've been saying that for 30 years.

Why don't you settle down and get married, like me?

She's a model.

Or at least she was, before we had kids.

Aren't they a couple of fine specimens?

Lucy's the smart one, but skip's on the high jump team.

They grow up so fast.

Don't you just wish you could turn back time?

Yes. That's what I'm trying to do.

Well, take a break.

Watch the kids for a while, so the wife and I can have a little alone time.

Actually, I'm kind of busy.

Go give your Uncle Adam a hug!

Derby! My research is all ruined!

Well, guess what, butterfingers... So is my romantic evening with the wife.

Three principal's offices?

Barely do any work in the one I have.

[man, ominously] Only one door leads to your office...

the others lead to certain death.

Who's there?

It is I, the Grim Reaper.

And I, the lesser-known,

but equally interesting Shinigami...

the Japanese death spirit who guides people to the afterlife.

No one cares about you.

That is culturally insensitive.

I have a rich mythology rooted in Asian tradition.

Then why don't you have a Japanese accent?

A little late to make such a good point.

Uh, excuse me, harbingers of death?

Do you happen to know which one of these doors leads to my office?

Ah, that is a puzzle you must figure out yourself,

but you may ask three questions.

Okay.

Is door number one my office?

No. You have two questions remaining.

Is door number two my office?

No. You have...

One!

One question remaining!

Okay...

I wish for more wishes.

These are questions, they're not wishes.

- Those aren't the same thing? - No. And that's your final question.

Gah! Now I'll never figure out if this last door is my office.

[sighs] I can't risk it. I'd better just head to Mr. Young's class.

[normal voice] Wow. He is not easy to trick.

[flames roaring]

Okay, this equipment should reverse the polarity of the particle collider,

creating a new singularity

that causes the white hole to collapse in on itself.

[horn honks]

Hop in. Let's go for a ride.

Derby? What's that?

Yes, maybe I shouldn't have blown the kids' college money

on this sweet convertible, but since you dropped Lucy,

I'm not sure she's meant for higher education.

Just stop. Get out of the car.

I know how this goes.

You're going to smash your car into this table

and ruin a decade's worth of work.

I'm not going to ruin anything. I just want to feel the wind in my hair.

Then use a fan.

Okay.

[crashing]

That worked out for everyone. Thanks.

?

"Science lab this way"?

Thought it was farther down the hall.

But if you can't believe

a hand-painted sign that's still kind of wet,

what can you believe?

And that is why science.

Mr. Young?

Golly-gee, there, Principal Tater! I didn't see you.

I was too busy teaching science to my pupils, for I am a kid-teacher.

Gee-willikers.

I see only one student showed up because of fake Christmas.

That's right. I am Slab, the school villain.

Snee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

Well, I'm just going to observe you teaching, if you don't mind.

Well, gee, that just sounds swell.

Science was invented a million years ago by Theodore J. Science.

Tell me something I don't know.

I haven't been paying attention, for I have been occupied,

tying a lady to the railroad tracks.

Snee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!

Well, everything seems in order here.

Oh! Is it fake Hallowe'en already?

What are you talking about?

Everyone is dressed up.

Slab is dressed as Mr. Young. Echo is dressed as Slab.

But this is the worst Tater costume I have ever seen.

[gasps] Santa's right!

You're not Mr. Young.

And you're not Slab the school villain.

But you had his laugh down perfect.

Curses! Foiled again.

Yes!

I figured out a way to accelerate elementary particles

in a trajectory toward a gravitational singularity.

Adam, you're alive?

That's the first thing you've said in 10 years.

Of course, I'm alive.

I've never been more alive!

I've got the answer to our dilemma right here,

where no one can touch it.

You just missed Lucy's wedding.

I did? Aw. Who'd she marry?

That table over there.

- That table? - Not that table!

That table's a worthless jerk! This table.

He's solid, stable.

He can support the whole family.

Ah.

You missed the ceremony, but you're just in time to catch the bouquet.

Well, I was just about to get us out of here, but...

I suppose I can take five minutes for my best friend's little girl.

I'll throw the bouquet for you, honey.

[pot shattering]

Hey, look at that!

Your reflexes are just as good as they always were.

So, where's this plan to get us out of here that no one can touch?

It's, uh...

uh...

Mr. Tater, no!

Look how fast they're moving.

I never thought you'd have less hair than Tater.

It's been 60 years!

Echo hasn't changed a bit.

You're not really getting this.

What's going on? Why do they look like that?

Because... you're dreaming.

I am?

Yeah. I'm not even here.

You're not?

No. I'm...

here.

Whoa. This dream is scary.

Maybe, instead, I can dream that I'm falling.

Wheeeee... [thud!]

Ow.

Wait a second.

If this is a dream, where's that monster that's always chasing me?

Hi, Mr. Tater.

Aaaaah! There he is!

Wait a second.

If this is a dream, where's my porcelain doll, Penelope?

[Dang, falsetto] I'm right here, honey.

I guess this is a dream.

Now, if you'll excuse me... I have to go fly a dragon.

Thanks for helping out with our fake dream, Dang.

Helping out? Fake dream?

"Dang?"

[shrieks]

I got it.

You figured out how to solve our time problem?

What? No.

Now I know how Dang works.

He's just fast.

Derby, I'm working and can't afford to be distracted.

Now, cover your eyes while I study the white hole.

Forget your work.

Let's just open the door and see what happens.

[Adam] We... can't... do that.

Why not?

What do we have to lose? Look how old we've gotten.

[whoosh!]

[tape rewinding]

Huh. A mirror. I should've thought of that.

[Echo] Mr. Tater, no!

Well...

Derby's awake.

You must've improved as a teacher.

C-minus.

Keep up the mediocre work.

Well, I'm going home.

Merry fake Christmas.

So, do you want to go for ice cream? I feel like we never spend time together.

No! No way! Forget it!

If you don't want ice cream, I can make coffee.

Let's go for ice cream!

So, a white hole causes whomever is in this room

to have to spend their entire lives together?

Yes.

And I hope it does not happen again to you and me...

accidentally by accident.

Oops.

[whirring and jingling]

That was an accidental accident.

Oh, well. Looks like you and I are stuck together...

Yah!

Uh, where's my mirror.

This mirror?

I kind of sat on it accidentally by accident.

Curses! Foiled again.

Big deal. So we'll have seven years' bad luck.

It feels like the bad luck's lasted more than seven years.

Oops. I just made more coffee.

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