Original subtitles

The Galanthus nivalis, otherwise known as "the snowdrop plant."

Though most assume cold weather is uncomfortable for vegetation,

in fact, a variety of them thrive in winter.

Good lesson.

Can we go back inside?

It's freezing, and some of us don't have coats.

[shivering]

Not until we discuss the most important of the snowdrop plants...

Mistletoe...

Which, lucky for us, grows naturally in our quad.

What's this gray stuff?

That's... Ductis tape... ius.

According to multiple scientific studies,

mistletoe is scientifically the kissing plant.

Scientifically speaking, if someone steps under it,

she, or she, must kiss the person standing beside them.

Are we really going to trust scientists when it comes to kissing?

Time to put science into practice.

[smooching]

Look! You made Echo's nose blush!

And also you turned her into a reindeer!

Obviously, that's Rudolph.

You can tell because of this...

His driver's license.

I guess he wandered here all the way from the North Pole.

What are we going to do with him?

Well, he is under the mistletoe, so...

[bells jingling]

What? It's science.

? Goodbye, summer, hello, fall ?

? We've been trying to get here ?

? Since we both Were barely two feet tall ?

? Who you callin' kid? Who you callin' kid? ?

? Who you callin' kid? ?

? Can call me what you want ?

? But I won't hear a word ?

? Where I am here ?

? Who you callin' kid? ?

Merry Christmas, Mr. Young. I got you a present.

Really?

"The perfect date."

"100 dishes made with dates."

Thank you, Echo. I love you... it.

You're welcome.

I pride myself on knowing how to pick the perfect gift for each person.

Hey, Mr. Young. I got you an e-book,

which I assume is a book about the letter "e."

This holds 10,000 books!

Slab, this is amazing!

Ly equal to any other gift

I received today.

Neither is 10,000 times better.

Hey, guys.

A little birdie told me you were giving gifts to teachers and/or administrators.

I never know when to trust that bird.

[bird whispers] They're all against you.

You'll get your gift soon, Mr. Tater.

And it will be thoughtful and great.

Not a lucky guess.

[bird whispers] Go to the bait store and buy me worms.

Listen, guys, uh... I have to go do something.

[school bell rings]

Okay, class, who's ready for another adventure in science?

[Derby] Pfft!

Derby! Did you just "pfft" science?

I don't "pfft" science, I [snore] science.

That was my lab partner.

[snorts]

Can I keep him? Can I? Can I, please? I promise to walk him every day.

You know, unless it's raining out, or I'm tired, or something good is on TV.

We have to return Rudolph to Santa. Christmas is only a few days away.

How are we going to get to the North Pole?

Derby, we have Rudolph.

Oh, right.

Rudolph, how do we get to the North Pole?

?

That is how you fly a bike!

Stupid, worthless alien.

Okay, let's see if Santa's home.

[Santa] I keep telling you, I'm not buying any of your cookies!

I already get a ton of free cookies.

Yikes! You two are the ugliest girls to come around yet.

We're not selling cookies. We're returning Rudolph to you.

Rudolph! Honey, look who's come back!

Mrs. Claus will be so happy to see him.

[gasping] Rudolph!

And I bet you're happy to see her.

[Southern accent] I missed you so much, sugar!

I'm the one under the mistletoe. That reindeer should be kissing me.

Would you boys like to come in for some cookies?

Yes.

Don't touch the chocolate mint ones.

[elves yodeling]

Yodeling? I always thought you elves whistled while you worked.

[harsh voice] That's dwarves, pally!

Elves yodel.

So nice to see a quaint, old-fashioned workshop.

These days, most factories have replaced workers with machines.

They have?

Sure, you don't have to pay them, they don't take breaks,

they don't eat your chocolate mint cookies.

What?

Anyway, we should probably get home.

Fly! Fly away home!

Seriously, you are such a disappointment.

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Byrne!

I think I got you the perfect gift.

Stylish new frames?

These will really complete my sultry schoolteacher look.

[shrieks]

I got you something, Mrs. Byrne.

Ever heard of Murray Diamond, the renowned laser eye surgeon?

You got me a session with Dr. Diamond?

Finally, I'll be able to get rid of these tacky glasses.

A session?

[man mumbling]

That's what Dr. Diamond meant by "Help! Help! Stop it!

Why don't you just book a session?"

Look, it's the big man with the big ideas!

What are you elves doing here?

Where else are we supposed to go? Thanks to you, we got fired!

[elves scoffing]

That's terrible!

Did you even have a chance to grab any of your stuff?

Like, for example, oh, I don't know, any of those cookies?

No. They're all still at the North Pole.

To the bike!

Hey, jerk, want to see some of the toys we made on our last day?

?

Guys, what exactly happened? Why did Santa fire you?

Because you told him machines would be more efficient.

He automated the workshop and downsized us.

Downsized you?

Is that even possible?

Is that a short joke?

Do you guys really need jobs? Can't you just live off your pots of gold?

Those are leprechauns, you racist jerk!

[elves yodeling]

See? Santa's not the only one who has a workshop.

Back to work! I don't pay you to talk!

Though, to be fair, I also don't pay you to work.

Okay, so it doesn't pay great,

but at least you no longer have to live under a bridge.

Those are trolls! They're not even small!

You call this 800 thread count?

How am I supposed to get my beauty sleep on only one, two...

number that comes after two.

Just fix it!

Dang!

Dang...

You called?

For Dang?

Little birdie told me he's on vacation.

I hate that this guy knows more about what's going on in this place than I do.

I'm the principal. You're making me look bad.

[bird whispers] I think your face does that.

He's not here?

But I got him the perfect Christmas gift.

A basket of the finest treats from Vietnam.

Chocolate-coated mung beans. Candy-coated mung beans.

Mung bean-coated mung beans.

Well, he can get all that stuff on vacation.

Slab bought a luxury trip to beautiful Vietnam for Dang

and the mop of his choice!

I know he can just appear in Vietnam instead of flying,

but it was important to me to get a nicer gift than you.

[yodeling]

You guys have been working all night?

What choice do we have?

I guess that's true.

Not a lot of workshops left that aren't automated.

Automated?

You couldn't keep your mouth shut!

Look, you don't have to work for someone else.

Be your own boss.

Start a messenger service. You can fly anywhere with your magic dust.

That's pixies!

We're elves.

We make toys.

We're toy-making elves!

All right. You want to make toys so bad? Make me a toy.

["Pop Goes the Weasel" plays]

This is not what I meant.

And that spring really hurts.

[telephone ringing]

Hello?

Um...

like, a red dress with white fur trim.

Give me that!

Is Mr. Claus there?

Honey, it's for you.

Shmell-o.

Hey, Santa.

Things must be pretty crazy up at the North Pole,

what with Christmas so close.

Actually, the workshop's never been better.

That machine has built so many toys,

even the kids on the naughty list are getting presents instead of coal.

What? I was counting on that coal.

I was going to throw it at you and steal your presents.

Anyway, I was wondering if you might consider hiring the elves back.

Forget it.

The machine does everything the elves did, only better.

[automated voice] Yo. De. Lay. Hee. Huu.

Except for yodeling.

He hung up.

I guess that only leaves one option.

Costume-based scheme?

I was going to say "give up," but we can try your way.

?

Merry Christmas, Mrs. Straupersson.

I hope you like the designer outfit I got you.

See? No patches, and the belt's not made of rope.

Now instead of scaring crows, you can attract men.

Maybe even a doctor.

[wolf whistles]

Ha! Beat that, Slab.

I don't know if I can.

That's a really swell outfit, and all I got her was this...

brain.

Oh, my, I have a brain!

Well, I can walk, I can dance.

? I can sing! ?

? In the spirit of givin', now I'm livin' ?

? I'm so happy I could blab ?

? All I wanna tell 'em ?

? I got a cerebellum ?

? From a wizard known as Slab! ?

Ohh! That's the last straw!

Not for you, Mrs. Straupersson. You still have plenty.

Darn! She got a brain.

That would have been perfect for me!

Okay, here's the plan.

Wait! Why do you always come up with the plan?

I happen to have a great plan.

Okay, first, we dress up in reindeer costumes,

sneak into Santa's workshop,

then I ask you to come up with a plan.

We're going to sabotage the machine.

Santa will think it's unreliable and hire the elves back.

Wait, I haven't asked yet.

Go.

Hand me the monkey wrench.

I only brought the monkey hammer.

Fine, that'll have to do.

[Mrs. Claus, opening door] Stupid car!

Quick! Hide!

It never starts in the winter, and it's winter here all the time!

We're going to get caught.

It's okay, we have aliases.

You're Albert the Green-nosed Reindeer.

And I'm Douglas P. Reindeer III, heir to the yellow nose fortune.

No one who sees us up close is going to believe we're real reindeer.

What are you two doing here?

You should be in the stable with the other reindeer.

Actually...

since my car won't start...

H'yaa!

I said h'yaa!

- I think she wants us to fly. - Well, that's not going to happen.

Great, first the car, now the sleigh.

All I wanted to do was go to the mall and try on bikinis.

Here we go!

Whoa!

Mr. Tater, you're here late.

Little birdie didn't tell me to go home.

Why won't you talk to me?

Is it because I wouldn't open this can of worms?

I was going to, but I thought it would create a whole new set of problems.

Well, I'm glad you're here. We...

Got me gifts? You shouldn't have.

Well, you should have. It is Christmas.

Actually, Slab and I decided to get you something together.

Together? Really? It must be huge!

It is.

We decided competing was silly.

Christmas isn't about gift-giving.

You're right. It's about gift-getting.

So get me my gift!

Okay.

A hug? Very funny.

Now, where's my real gift? Is it too big to fit in the school?

It's not the size of the gift that matters,

it's the thought that counts, and I thought you would like a hug.

And I thought it would be funny to get you a lousy gift.

[chuckles]

Hug...

[sighs]

Stupid spirit of Christmas always ruining Christmas.

This is the most boring Christmas ever.

Am I right, guys?

?

Well, that was disappointing.

No kidding.

You defy physics and fly a woman all the way to the mall,

and she leaves you tied up in underground parking.

I'm not sure about this one. Maybe I should try it on again.

My vote would be the red one.

[shrieks]

[machine clangs, sparks]

What's going on?

I was nestled all snug in my bed when there arose such a clatter.

What happened to my Elf-o-matic?

I guess... somebody broke in and sabotaged it.

White fur?

I know who did this!

[Mrs. Claus] You do?

- It was the Easter Bunny! - That is the only logical explanation.

I don't know why he hates me.

It's no surprise Christmas is the more popular holiday.

I give children gifts, he makes them hunt for them.

Kids today. Lazy!

This from a guy who works one day a year.

It's almost Christmas. What am I going to do?

You can hire back the elves!

That's brilliant. So brilliant, I'm going to completely look past the fact

that you're in a reindeer costume.

I think there's only one proper way to celebrate.

Trying on these bikinis.

Great idea!

I don't think this is what you had in mind.

No.

It is.

?

Well, he hired the elves back.

Yeah, but not in the way I expected.

He made them security guards.

All clear in the workshop.

Let's see that Easter Bunny sneak in here now.

High five!

Funny guy.

[clatter]

Ooh, a race car!

Put the toy down, sir.

I'm just going to play with it for a few minutes.

I'm not going to ask you again.

Vrrrooom!

What are you doing?

You fell asleep while I was teaching again,

but it gave me an excuse to try out my new Christmas gift.

Merry Christmas, everyone.

[everyone] Awww!

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