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1
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:07,000
Welcome, parents
and children of the night!
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,090
The back-to-school night.
3
00:00:09,340 --> 00:00:12,090
I love the way my coat smells.
4
00:00:12,090 --> 00:00:14,050
(WHISPERS) Whoa.
Was that teacher a vampire?
5
00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:15,590
We're looking into it.
6
00:00:15,590 --> 00:00:17,170
I love back-to-school night.
7
00:00:17,170 --> 00:00:19,960
It's like a rock concert
where my teachers
just sing my praises.
8
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:21,500
Easy there, hot shot.
9
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:24,300
Better to play it safe with
my parental expectations.
10
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:27,000
Was I setting the bar
too low or too high?
11
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,460
I personally think we get
enough school during the day,
12
00:00:29,460 --> 00:00:31,210
we don't need extra
helpings at night.
13
00:00:31,210 --> 00:00:32,800
How about we switch places?
14
00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,050
I go to school
and you cover me
in the ER?
15
00:00:35,050 --> 00:00:37,170
Just remember the vital
organs go on the inside
16
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:38,630
before you sew them back up.
17
00:00:38,630 --> 00:00:40,130
Oh, Mom,
you're so precocious.
18
00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:41,760
Oh, I know.
19
00:00:41,760 --> 00:00:43,500
Like my dad always says,
20
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:47,090
"School is a mix
of reading, writing,
and fiery explosions."
21
00:00:47,090 --> 00:00:48,960
Where exactly
did you go to school?
22
00:00:48,960 --> 00:00:51,000
A lot of places.
Some are still standing.
23
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,170
Diogee, go home.
24
00:00:53,170 --> 00:00:55,210
You know dogs
aren't allowed in school.
25
00:00:55,210 --> 00:00:58,300
(WHIMPERS)
♪ It's a sad dog's life ♪
26
00:01:01,050 --> 00:01:03,090
Thanks for picking up
the check, Cavendish!
27
00:01:03,090 --> 00:01:04,960
Well, thank you for
being such a burden.
28
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:06,800
I left my wallet
in my other track suit.
29
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,000
I mean, my wallet was empty,
but that's where it is.
30
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:11,210
Just how many track suits
do you actually own?
31
00:01:11,210 --> 00:01:13,590
Are you kidding?
I got six of these puppies.
32
00:01:13,590 --> 00:01:15,170
So, then what do you
wear on Sundays?
33
00:01:15,170 --> 00:01:16,800
Not much.
Oh...
34
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,920
Anyway, you wanted
to show me something?
35
00:01:18,920 --> 00:01:22,260
Yes, I did!
This way! Come on,
it's a surprise.
36
00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:24,050
Murphy's dog?
37
00:01:24,050 --> 00:01:26,050
Go home, Diogee.
Yeah, he's cute.
38
00:01:26,050 --> 00:01:28,380
But he's not the surprise.
Oh, oh!
39
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:31,050
Did you see that?
That almost...
Yeah, yeah, you almost died.
40
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,210
Come on. The surprise
is over here.
41
00:01:33,170 --> 00:01:34,840
Ta-da!
42
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:39,050
Please don't tell me
these are time devices
43
00:01:39,050 --> 00:01:41,590
you've stolen from
Brick and Savannah?
44
00:01:43,590 --> 00:01:46,050
Well?
You told me
not to tell you!
45
00:01:47,550 --> 00:01:49,380
Really takes me back,
all this.
46
00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:51,260
Would be great to be
a kid again.
47
00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:53,170
No responsibilities.
48
00:01:53,170 --> 00:01:54,340
No stress.
49
00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:57,260
It would be great
to be an adult.
50
00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:59,590
You get to call your
own shots and buy stuff.
51
00:01:59,590 --> 00:02:00,880
Anytime.
52
00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:03,050
I could buy a big,
heavy blanket in the summer,
53
00:02:03,050 --> 00:02:04,260
just 'cause I wanted to.
54
00:02:04,260 --> 00:02:06,630
I could tell kids,
"Because I said so",
55
00:02:06,630 --> 00:02:08,130
anytime I wanted.
56
00:02:08,130 --> 00:02:11,170
I could start my
own family band,
like the Von Trapp singers.
57
00:02:11,170 --> 00:02:13,170
Yeah, those guys rocked.
58
00:02:13,170 --> 00:02:16,550
I'd like to welcome you all
to back-to-school night.
59
00:02:16,550 --> 00:02:19,710
Kids, please step outside
so we can talk about you
behind your backs.
60
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:21,000
Be good, Dad!
61
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:23,300
No unnecessary surgeries
while I'm gone, Mom.
62
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:25,170
Now who's being precocious?
63
00:02:25,170 --> 00:02:26,210
Me! It was me!
64
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:29,170
(CLEARS THROAT)
65
00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:30,670
Now, before we get started,
66
00:02:30,670 --> 00:02:32,090
would anyone like
to compliment me
67
00:02:32,090 --> 00:02:34,670
on my hand-crafted,
wooden chair?
68
00:02:34,670 --> 00:02:37,210
It goes with my desk,
which I also made.
69
00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:40,340
You should not have this!
70
00:02:40,340 --> 00:02:41,500
Bad Dakota!
71
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,170
Oh, come on,
I'm gonna give 'em back.
72
00:02:43,170 --> 00:02:44,960
Later. They'll be fun
to play with.
73
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:46,920
Play? What are you, a child?
74
00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:49,300
This is prototype,
portable time-displacement
75
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,460
technology and it's
hugely dangerous.
76
00:02:51,460 --> 00:02:54,590
Yeah, but we'll kick serious
"time butt" with this. Look.
77
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:56,800
Look! An Age Regressor Ray!
78
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:58,550
Instead of sending
your body through time,
79
00:02:58,550 --> 00:03:00,460
it sends time
through your body,
80
00:03:00,460 --> 00:03:02,460
changing your
chronological age.
81
00:03:02,460 --> 00:03:04,760
Oh, that's not dangerous.
Just put that down!
82
00:03:07,630 --> 00:03:09,880
Oh, cool! Cool!
Baby thumbs up!
83
00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:11,550
What do you think, huh?
84
00:03:11,550 --> 00:03:13,130
All right.
No more goofing off.
85
00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:14,550
We've got to reverse it.
86
00:03:14,550 --> 00:03:16,670
Baby hand is touching you.
Oh! Don't do that.
87
00:03:16,670 --> 00:03:18,340
Baby hand is touching you.
88
00:03:18,340 --> 00:03:22,210
It's so smooth,
like a baby's bottom,
but it's its hand.
89
00:03:22,210 --> 00:03:23,710
It's a baby hand!
Stop touching me!
90
00:03:23,710 --> 00:03:24,710
(GUN FIRES)
91
00:03:25,130 --> 00:03:27,000
Uh-oh!
92
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:31,170
Texture and wood grain
are far more nuanced
than you might think...
93
00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,760
(ALL CHEERING)
94
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,300
Oh... That can't be good.
95
00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:42,960
No!
No!
96
00:03:42,960 --> 00:03:46,260
Come back here, foul canine!
Oh, come on.
97
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,380
No! No! No!
98
00:03:48,380 --> 00:03:49,630
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
99
00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:50,760
Mom?
100
00:03:52,380 --> 00:03:53,920
Okay, I'm freaking out.
101
00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:56,170
This is crazy!
How did this happen?
102
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:57,460
ZACK: What are we gonna do?
103
00:03:57,460 --> 00:03:59,670
Murphy, of course you're here.
104
00:03:59,670 --> 00:04:01,170
Oh, hey, Cavendish,
maybe you could help.
105
00:04:01,170 --> 00:04:03,670
Oh no, are those your parents?
It's worse than I thought.
106
00:04:05,090 --> 00:04:06,170
No! Wait!
107
00:04:06,170 --> 00:04:07,210
Is that Dakota?
108
00:04:07,210 --> 00:04:08,880
(SCREAMS)
109
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,340
No! Let go!
110
00:04:10,340 --> 00:04:11,920
What is going on?
111
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:15,340
That ray gun in your
dog's mouth regressed
everyone's age by 90%.
112
00:04:15,340 --> 00:04:16,630
But if I can get it back,
113
00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:19,170
I should be able
to reverse it.
No!
114
00:04:19,170 --> 00:04:20,460
Diogee! Drop it.
115
00:04:22,170 --> 00:04:24,050
Oh, dear!
Uh...
116
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:25,630
(BLABBERING)
117
00:04:25,630 --> 00:04:27,840
Give me 20 minutes
to fix it.
118
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,340
All right. Maybe 30.
119
00:04:29,340 --> 00:04:30,340
Mine! (LAUGHS)
You!
120
00:04:30,340 --> 00:04:32,210
You come back here, young man!
121
00:04:32,210 --> 00:04:33,420
Okay, while they fix this,
122
00:04:33,420 --> 00:04:36,920
all we need to do is
keep our three-year-old
parents safe.
123
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,300
Sounds simple enough.
124
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:40,500
Yeah, how hard can it be,
they are two feet tall.
125
00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:41,800
My desk!
126
00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:43,380
Hey, where doggie go?
127
00:04:43,380 --> 00:04:44,840
This way!
128
00:04:44,840 --> 00:04:46,420
Hey!
Stop those baby-parents!
129
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,840
(INDISTINCT LAUGHTER)
130
00:04:50,710 --> 00:04:52,500
♪ When you were up
and I was down
131
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:54,090
♪ You put me through it
132
00:04:54,090 --> 00:04:56,210
♪ But now the worm
has turned around
133
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,710
♪ So let's get to it
134
00:04:57,710 --> 00:04:59,420
♪ We keep on spinning
until we're wound
135
00:04:59,420 --> 00:05:03,710
♪ And now we're gonna
do it again, and again
136
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:07,090
♪ And I say, hey,
hey, hey, hey
137
00:05:07,090 --> 00:05:09,130
♪ Turnabout is fair play
138
00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:11,800
♪ You worked me over
Now I've got you under
139
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,840
♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey
140
00:05:13,840 --> 00:05:15,760
♪ Turnabout is fair play
141
00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,840
♪ It's not raining but
it sounds like thunder ♪
142
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,260
(INDISTINCT LAUGHTER
AND CHEERING)
143
00:05:24,630 --> 00:05:26,300
I think it's story-time.
144
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:29,260
"And the beautiful pony
got a job
145
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:33,300
"that promised upward mobility
and equal pay. The End."
146
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,590
Again.
147
00:05:34,590 --> 00:05:37,050
No, we've already
read it 16 times.
148
00:05:37,050 --> 00:05:38,130
Again!
149
00:05:38,130 --> 00:05:40,000
No.
Why?
150
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,170
Because I said so!
151
00:05:42,170 --> 00:05:44,590
That's not nearly
as much fun
as I thought it would be.
152
00:05:44,590 --> 00:05:46,500
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
153
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:47,840
Excuse me?
154
00:05:47,840 --> 00:05:49,000
(BLOWING RASPBERRY)
155
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,670
Dad, you come back here
right now!
156
00:05:50,670 --> 00:05:53,300
Don't walk away
when I'm talking to you!
Stop ignoring me!
157
00:05:53,300 --> 00:05:54,460
Mom! Get down from there!
158
00:05:54,460 --> 00:05:55,380
Be nice!
159
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:57,420
Okay, please
get down from there.
160
00:05:57,420 --> 00:06:00,000
(GROANS) Feels like
we've been here all night!
161
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,380
How long have these guys
been toddlers?
162
00:06:02,380 --> 00:06:04,210
About... Six minutes.
163
00:06:04,210 --> 00:06:05,760
Our parents are terrible kids.
164
00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,670
But to be fair,
we're probably
terrible parents.
165
00:06:08,670 --> 00:06:12,090
They'll understand one day
when they have... us.
166
00:06:17,590 --> 00:06:18,670
Whee!
167
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:30,380
(CHILDREN CHEERING)
168
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:32,760
Come back, child!
169
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,090
Heel! I need those
parts to fix the...
170
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:37,300
Ow! Enough! Give me that!
171
00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:40,210
Give me back my hat!
172
00:06:40,210 --> 00:06:42,460
(CRYING)
No!
173
00:06:42,460 --> 00:06:43,670
Bad Dakota!
174
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,550
Ow!
175
00:06:47,550 --> 00:06:49,380
Wait, where'd you go? Dakota?
176
00:06:50,380 --> 00:06:52,380
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
177
00:06:55,460 --> 00:06:57,670
Nice moves, Dad!
What's it called?
178
00:06:57,670 --> 00:07:00,210
(WHISPERS)
The "Pee-pee dance."
179
00:07:00,210 --> 00:07:03,800
Parents should have
an emergency hot-line
for extra parents.
180
00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:05,340
Mine!
181
00:07:05,340 --> 00:07:08,340
Please. Please,
just give me
the part back.
182
00:07:08,340 --> 00:07:10,590
Mine!
Did you know I used to play
concert piano?
183
00:07:10,590 --> 00:07:12,840
DAKOTA: No!
I could have had
an entirely different career.
184
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:15,380
A different life.
But instead, here I am.
(LAUGHING)
185
00:07:15,380 --> 00:07:16,710
With you.
186
00:07:20,050 --> 00:07:21,590
Please give me
the part back.
187
00:07:22,420 --> 00:07:23,840
Okay.
188
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:27,760
There! Reassembled!
189
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:29,630
Now I can turn
everyone back...
Whee!
190
00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:31,050
Oh! Wait, wait,
no, don't! Don't!
191
00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:35,130
I'm alive!
192
00:07:35,130 --> 00:07:36,670
(CHILDREN LAUGHING)
193
00:07:36,670 --> 00:07:38,420
It's like herding cats.
194
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:40,340
Herding cats is easier!
195
00:07:40,340 --> 00:07:42,340
Okay, it's play time!
196
00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,380
(CHEERING)
197
00:07:49,260 --> 00:07:50,340
Head's up!
198
00:07:53,670 --> 00:07:54,920
(TIRES SCREECHING)
Sweet petunia!
199
00:07:57,300 --> 00:07:58,590
(ALL SCREAMING)
200
00:08:00,840 --> 00:08:02,420
(PANTING)
201
00:08:02,420 --> 00:08:04,170
Well, your guys
didn't strap it on right!
202
00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:07,340
Had to make a sudden stop
and the darn thing
flew right off.
203
00:08:07,340 --> 00:08:10,000
It's rollin' around,
chasing a bunch of kids
in a ball field!
204
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,460
Well, I am doing
something about it!
205
00:08:11,460 --> 00:08:13,420
I'm calling you to say
your guys didn't strap it
on right!
206
00:08:13,420 --> 00:08:14,420
(LAUGHING)
207
00:08:16,090 --> 00:08:17,420
(CHIRPING)
208
00:08:17,420 --> 00:08:18,380
(SNEEZING)
209
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,710
(SNEEZES)
210
00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:30,550
(SCREAMING)
211
00:08:30,550 --> 00:08:32,550
Well, you better send
somebody down here quick.
212
00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:34,760
That thing's bouncing around.
It's gonna get pretty
damaged in a hurry.
213
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:35,920
Just hold on for a second.
214
00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,050
Just run to the right or left!
215
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:40,630
(GROANS)
216
00:08:40,630 --> 00:08:41,960
(BLOWS NOSE)
217
00:09:00,630 --> 00:09:02,340
No, no, no, this ain't on me!
218
00:09:02,340 --> 00:09:03,460
You got bigger problems!
219
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:04,590
I'll have this place
crawling with truckers...
220
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,130
Never mind.
See you in an hour.
221
00:09:09,630 --> 00:09:11,800
(LAUGHING)
222
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,670
Boy, being an adult
is harder than I thought.
223
00:09:14,670 --> 00:09:16,710
Maybe it's great being
what we are right now.
224
00:09:17,630 --> 00:09:19,130
Tired.
Hey.
225
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,500
How long do we
have to do this?
226
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,670
We're gonna be stuck with
toddler parents forever!
227
00:09:22,670 --> 00:09:24,590
I can't do this anymore!
228
00:09:24,590 --> 00:09:26,260
(SOBBING) No!
229
00:09:26,260 --> 00:09:27,880
Where is Cavendish?
230
00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:29,800
CAVENDISH: Oi, Murphy!
231
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:34,500
Stop playing with your
baby-parents and meet me in
the classroom in five minutes!
232
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:35,710
Give me that!
233
00:09:35,710 --> 00:09:36,460
(CRYING)
234
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,050
(CHEWING)
235
00:09:42,710 --> 00:09:45,210
Boy, does my mouth
taste weird. What did I eat?
236
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:46,960
Ugh!
237
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,420
(LAUGHING AND CHEERING)
238
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:53,170
I'd take Murphy's Law
over parenting any day.
239
00:09:57,550 --> 00:09:58,960
Okay, uh...
(CLEARS THROAT)
240
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:00,800
I think we're about
done here.
241
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:05,960
Uh, thank you all for coming
and if you need me,
I'll be polishing my desk.
242
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,760
Huh. Did she talk about
her desk the whole time?
243
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,050
Because I think
I must've zoned out.
244
00:10:11,050 --> 00:10:12,670
Aw, look at them.
245
00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:17,670
I know they're growing up,
but they're still our babies.
246
00:10:17,670 --> 00:10:19,130
Babies of the night.
247
00:10:19,130 --> 00:10:21,550
The back-to-school night!
(LAUGHS)
248
00:10:21,550 --> 00:10:22,710
Definitely a vampire.
249
00:10:22,710 --> 00:10:25,500
♪ It's my world
and we're all livin' in it
250
00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:30,000
♪ We're all livin' in it
251
00:10:31,090 --> 00:10:33,500
♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go
252
00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:36,170
♪ Oh, thanks, everybody
That is so motivational
253
00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:38,500
♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go
254
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:43,130
♪ Whoa
255
00:10:43,130 --> 00:10:44,550
♪ Whoa
256
00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:47,090
♪ I'm not sitting here
watching the world turn
257
00:10:47,090 --> 00:10:48,880
♪ You know I'd rather spin it
258
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,460
♪ Go, Milo
Go, Milo, go
259
00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:53,210
♪ It's my world
and we're all livin' in it ♪
18282
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