All language subtitles for Long_term_relationship-en

[bells]

[techno]

[cell phone rings]

[ring]

Hello?

Hey, buddy.

Long time no hear.

Just the usual.

[laughs]

Rex, you know me too well.

Um...

What the hell.
l'll be there in 10.

Hey, Glenn.

How's my favorite
little bitch tonight?

[dog approaching]

Hey, Fergie,
you little bitch.

You make your daddy call me
just so you could see me?

l'm glad you were home.

Me, too.

Good.

Now get over here
and fuck me.

[techno]

[singing, indistinct]

[passionate moaning]

[passionate moaning]

Fuck me.

[song ends]

Mmm.

My turn.

[chuckles]

[chatting]

So, Glenn, what'd you
do last night?

Yeah, l heard you come home
at, like, 3 A.M.

Oh, you know,
same old, same old.

Same old Billy
or same old Matt?

Rex.

Ah, the mysterious Rex.

When do we get
to meet him?

Vincent, my dear, you can have him,
if you haven't already.

Actually, l'm looking
to find my own, thank you very much.

The personals?
You're kidding, right?

Mary Margaret, just because
you've hooked the lovely Andrew here

doesn't mean
we can't all dream.

l've had some very good times
thanks to the personals.

Yes, but have any
of these good times

lasted more
than an hour?

Who cares?
l'm not giving up, though.

Oh, here's one!

''Shy, romantic, GWM
seeks LTR.''

What's an LTR?

Duh.

Lord of the Rings.

[gasps] Did you get
the new super extended

deluxe collector's edition DVD box set
with the bonus figurines?

- Sweet.
- Sweet.

l hear there's a hidden scene in the
third film where Frodo and Sam do it.

They make such
a cute couple.

Except they're fictional,
and they're Hobbits.

Their dicks would be,
like, two inches long.

Sounds like
my last date.

Long-term
relationship, LTR.

And don't mock
the Hobbits.

''lnto KROQ, hiking,
books, museums,

not into the whole
gay scene.''

Honey,
if you like cock,

you're into
the gay scene.

''Looking for my 42.

That's the answer.
Know the question.''

Let me see that.

No, really,
help yourself.

Sounds pretty cool.

l like to read.
l hike.

l'm not into
the scene, either.

[all laugh]

What?

You are the scene,
Glenn.

You're the poster boy
for the scene.

lt's a picture of you
holding a martini and a dildo.

[fakes laugh]

Well, not anymore, okay?
l'm tired of the scene.

Sounds like the WB
during the pilot season.

''Uh, director,
am l in this scene?

l don't remember.''

[all laugh]

Seriously, Glenn, you've been
my best friend since college

so l can say this.

You're old.

No one wants to have
sex with you,

and we don't
like you anymore.

So pay the bill
and get out.

[laughs]

What does that 42 shit
mean anyway?

lt's from my favorite book.

Douglas Adams.

See, 42
is the answer

to the ultimate question of life,
the universe,

and every...thing.

Yeah, exactly.

Whatever. l'm more partial
to 69 myself.

Notice the wave of non-surprise
sweeping the table.

So...call me...
if you like.

Okay.

Uh, 323-555-4023.

Bye.

Stupid,
stupid, stupid.

You said ''like'', like,
you know, about, like, 1 2 times.

So...you called him.

The ad guy?
Yeah.

Why? You weren't
gonna--

Oh, no, no, no.
You go ahead.

lt's not like
l found the ad or anything.

Knock yourself out.

[chuckles]

[beep]

[Female voice]
Welcome to the personals line.

lf you placed an ad--

[beeping]

You have five messages.

[Man] Hey, baby, l got
what you want right here.

Call me back
and we can hook up. l'm at--

[beep]

[Second man]
Yeah. Uh...

Hi. l live
in San Francisco,

but l get down
to Los Angeles all the time.

[beep]

[Third man]
l'm 65 years old.

- But if you're interested--
- [beep]

[Fourth man] l'd like to tell you
about my Lord and Savior...

- Jesus Christ--
- [beep]

Uh, hi.
This is Glenn.

Um, l saw your ad,
and, uh...

it just really spoke to me.

Okay...that sounded
really stupid.

Let me start over.

Hi. This is Glenn, and, uh...

apparently
l'm a big dork, but...

l really liked your ad,

and, uh, we like
the same things.

So l'd like to get together.

Plus l'm a huge
Douglas Adams fan.

So...call me...
if you like.

Okay. Uh, 31 3-555-4023

Bye.

[beeping]

[cell phone rings]

[ring]

Go on.
You know it's him.

[ring]

[ring]

Hello?

Hey.

He called?

He called.

How did he sound?

Breathtaking.

[sighs]
Tell me everything.

What does he do
for a living?

Don't know.
Where's he from?

Didn't ask.
How old is he?

No idea.

What did you find out?

Uh, well, let's see.

5'10'', 150.

Brown hair,
blue eyes.

That's all the stats
you need to know.

l really hope
this works out.

l haven't seen you this excited
about a guy since...

Since l've been getting excited
about guys in the first place?

When are you
meeting him?

Dinner, Saturday night.

[people chatting]

[Man]
Glenn?

Adam?

lt's nice to meet you.

Uh...same--same here.

Shall we sit down?

Uh-huh.

[laughs]
On the count of three...

Oh.

[both laugh nervously]

l was really glad
you called back.

And l was really glad
you answered my ad.

lt's the first time
l've done something like that.

Yeah, me, too.
Me, too.

- l don't usually--
- Neither do l.

Well, we should probably--

Yeah?

Order.

Right. Right.

lt's a restaurant,
we order,

they bring us food.

[laughs]

Good evening.
Welcome to Myth.

Thanks.

Hey, l always
heard about this place,

but l never knew
it actually existed.

[laughs]

How very clever.

Shall l tell you
our specials?

Uh...

l think we'll be fine
without your specials.

Great. Now, uh...

he'll spit in our food
and forget our dessert.

[laughs]

Wouldn't be any different
from the last time l ate here.

[laughs]

So, tell me...

why did you place
a personal ad?

[chuckles]
The big question.

Well, you just don't seem
like you would need it.

[laughs]

Thanks.

There's not really
a big story behind it.

l've only been out here
from Atlanta for four months,

and l work long hours
sometimes, which is difficult.

And it's so hard to meet
someone in this town

who's sane, employed,
and geographically desirable.

Tell me about it.

lf l meet one more wanna-be actor
from the Valley, l swear--

[laughs]

Anyway, this woman
l work with

pushed me into
placing the ad.

Kind of a dare, so--

She's trying desperately
to become my personal fag hag.

Well, you have to have
one of those in this town,

along with a head shot,
some repressed childhood memories...

[laughs]

So where do you live?

Uh, not too far from here.

l'm renting a house
on Ogden, near Melrose.

l'm on Sierra Bonita,
near Beverly.

That's...what?
Five blocks apart?

l know.

lt must be fate.

Must be.

[Adam]
So...here we are.

The end-of-date
awkward stage.

Yeah, that we all
know so well.

[laughs]

How about we skip it?

Okay.

And move on to, say, this.

Ooh.

Good plan.

When can l see you again?

Busy tomorrow?

l am now.

Favorite book?

That's a gimme.

Hitchhiker's Guide
to the Galaxy.

Favorite movie?

Star Wars,
of course.

Favorite
vacation spot?

Hawaii, Maui
to be precise.

Favorite sport?

Tennis.

Federer or Nadal?

Nadal. Have you seen
those arms?

[laughs]

Favorite way to spend
a Sunday morning?

Sleeping late,

then having brunch
with someone special?

Ah. Good answer.

Now l just gotta find
someone special.

You got any friends
you can fix me up with?

Ha! Asshole.

You don't know me well enough
to call me an asshole.

Well, let me know
when l get there.

By the way,
my dad says hello.

Your dad?

Yeah, l talked to him
this morning.

He's pretty much
my best friend,

so l had to call him
first thing

and tell him
all about our date.

Oh.

You always
tell him everything?

[chuckles]

Everything.

l'll keep that in mind.

So how long have you
been into fundraising?

Six years.

l'm with the Gay
and Lesbian Center now,

but l've worked mostly with
Democratic candidates.

So...

what are you doing
this afternoon?

[cell phone rings]

Hello?

l'm in his house.

They ad guy's?

Yes, the ad guy. Adam.

Been there all night?

[Andrew]
Uh-uh!

l'm not a slut.

We had dinner last night

and then met again
for brunch today.

How's his place?

Really nice.

And you'll
never believe it.

lt's in my neighborhood.

Walking distance.

[Andrew]
Check the CDs!

Andrew says
to check the CDs.

No Mariah.

No Cher.

No Judy.

A diva-free zone.
Good.

Lots of Madonna,

but...we love Madonna.

The gays and Madonna.
l don't get it.

You wouldn't.

[Andrew]
Show tunes?

Any show tunes?

Minimal.

Nice classical
selection.

Oh, yes!

What?

He's got that
Nine lnch Nails bootleg

l've been searching
eBay for.

There you go.
You must marry him now.

Gotta go.

Did l say you were done?

Sorry about that.

lt's okay.

lt gave me time to snoop
in your drawers.

Mmm.
Sounds like fun.

Today's been really...

Yeah?

Great.

l had a great time.

So did l.

But...

before we see
each other again,

there's something
l need to tell you.

Something that you may think
is important to know.

lt can't be that bad.
Tell me.

lf he had something
that...big,

that important
to share, then...

He should have
put it in the ad.

How big?

ls he positive?

No.
That l could handle.

lt's worse.

Worse?

Does he have syphilis?

Hepatitis?

Testicular cancer?

[gasps]
Oh, my God!

ls he bald?

Worse.

He's...

He's...

[groans]

He's a Republican.

l am so glad that
l did not call him.

Maybe he was lured to it
during college.

Or maybe it's just a phase,

or a ploy to piss off
his purified parents.

l always told myself
l could never be with two types of men:

Republicans
and crack addicts.

Maybe he's one of those, um...

''bring the party down from the inside''
kind of Republicans.

l mean, he's not a sign-carrying
fundamentalist abortion clinic bomber.

[laughs]

ls he?

He's Republican,
he's not insane.

l'm sure you can
work things out.

Oh, have you fucked him yet?

Not that it's any
of your business,

but no.

l've only
seen him twice.

Whatever.

[Woman]
Eli!

Does he seem interested?

Definitely.

How can you tell?

Oh, l can tell.

[Woman]
Eli!

Anything worth
writing home about?

That's for me to know
and you to be jealous of.

Come on. How big?

[Woman]
Mail that!

Not...quite that big?

And for this,
l got an MBA.

Are you bothered by
what l told you?

About being a Republican?

No.

Yes. l'm sorry.
But how on Earth--

l've heard all
the arguments before.

My political choices
are based on economics,

not social issues.

But they're
the same thing!

l know,
but they also--

They do not,
and you know it.

[both laugh]

l guess my ad
should have read

''Shy, romantic,
and politically conservative.''

Damn right.

Your confession
actually made me think.

l don't even think l knew
the political affiliation

of the last, l don't know,
10 guys l dated.

What's wrong with that?

l think l learned
more about you in two dates

than l learned about most guys
l've gone out with...ever.

l'm not exactly...

proud of my history.

ln the past, l usually...

jumped into bed with someone
before even learning their last name.

Harris.

Huh?

My last name.

l remember.

l really like you, Adam.

So...l don't want
to rush into anything.

By anything, you mean...

Sex.

l mean, that's all
our people seem to do.

At least according
to the Republicans.

[laughs]

Shut up, stupid.

l want us to get
to know each other...

really, really well.

l understand.

There's more
to a relationship than sex.

Yeah, exactly.

l mean, not that sex
isn't important, but...

friendship,
compatibility.

Those are more important...

or so the story goes.

[laughs]

Can l still do this?

l think that's allowed.

When do we get to meet
the ad guy?

Don't call him
the ad guy.

His name's Adam.

Right. When do we get
to meet Adam...

the ad guy?

Not gonna happen if you
keep calling him the ad guy.

His name even
has ''ad'' in it.

He'll always be the ad guy,
and you know it.

So when do we get
to meet him?

Hmm, let's see.

Never.

That's it.
Give me his number.

l'm inviting him
to brunch on Sunday.

And subject him
to everyone's scrutiny at once?

Don't think so.

We'll be on our
best behavior.

Scout's honor.

Really, l was Boy Scout.

Last Halloween.

l looked damn good
in that uniform.

Yeah, after you cut
the crotch out.

That did help.

This conversation
is not helping your case.

Right.
Adam's a Republican.

Are we too
flamboyant for him?

You know, l don't have to wear
my chaps to brunch, if that'll help.

Maybe we shouldn't discuss
the government's AlDS policies.

Or the gay marriage issue.

- Rick Santorum.
- Jeff Gannon.

- Mary Chaney.
- Pat Robertson.

Okay, okay,
you win.

Sunday brunch.

But be nice.

Us?

Always.

[groans]

So...what do you do
for a living?

Oh, l'm an architect.

Done any buildings
l've seen?

Don't know.
What buildings have you seen?

There's that
really tall one.

- So, Vince, tell me--
- [gasps]

Vincent.

Huh?

lt's Vincent,
not Vince.

lf you value your life,
don't call him Vinnie.

And you?
Where do you work?

l'm a musician.

Oh, that's cool.
Are you in a band?

He's a drummer.

The kind my daddy
always warned me about.

Excellent. How long have
you two been married?

For seven years
next month.

Any kids?

No.

So...

Yes.

Glenn tell us
you like Bush.

Oh, hey.
Ha ha.

We didn't scare you
too much,, did we?

Uh, not at all.

[laughs]

We're just happy that
Glenn has found someone.

He's a truly wonderful
human being.

l hope you know that.

Well, he's said
the same about you.

Flattery will get you
almost everywhere with me.

Chocolate gets you
the rest of the way.

Maybe you and Glenn
and me and Andrew,

we could all go out
together sometime.

You know, avoid
the singles crowd.

Um...sure.
That'd be great.

Uh, nothing against
Vincent,

and Eli's
a sweetheart,

but it would be nice
to hang out with Glenn

without his tagg-alongsome...
tagging along.

Know what l mean?

[laughs]
Let's go.

Do you think your
friends like me?

Of course.
Why do you ask?

l don't know.

Vincent seems a little
cold sometimes.

He's just jealous.

Maybe.

l just want us
all to be friends.

Don't worry.
They love you.

Just like...

Um...

So who won the game?

Uh, the team with
the cute quarterback

beat the one with that guy
from the cell phone commercials.

God, you're so butch.

That's probably what all your friends
say about me when you're not around.

l doubt any of them
give as much thought.

They still
haven't fucked?

They still
haven't fucked?

That's what Glenn said,

and l hear him whacking off
in his room after every date.

Listen much?

lt'll never last.

l really think
this is gonna work out.

Right here?

No. l'm talking about
Glenn's relationship with Adam.

Oh, yeah, right.

No, he seems cool.

That's all you have to say?

Well, l'd do him.

l want Glenn to be happy,

and l don't he has been
for a really long time.

You want him
to be married,

just like you do
all our single friends.

There's nothing
wrong with that.

People are happier
in couples.

Look at us.

l'm sorry.
What'd you say?

l said l don't
trust this guy.

l mean, who uses a personal ad
in this day and age?

You were gonna call it.

That's different.

l just wanted
a blow job.

Glenn's not even
getting that.

Yeah, l know.

All l'm saying is that
you don't use a personal ad

for a real
relationship.

lt's so...

Uh, straight?

Exactly.

They seem happy to me.

Of course
they seem happy.

They are happy.

And l'm proud of them
for not having had sex yet.

You said that...many times.

Many, many times.

We should throw
a dinner party for them.

lnvite the Tates,
the Waldons,

and that lesbian couple.

What's their name again?

Something...
hyphenated?

l wonder if they
all eat meat.

We know Glenn does.

[knock on door]

[laughs]

Aw.

They're beautiful.

What happened?
Florist didn't have a complete dozen?

[laughs]

Happy one month anniversary.

Huh.

And l thought the traditional
one month gift

was a subscription
to Entertainment Weekly.

[laughs]

You wish.

Ahem. The florist was telling me
about the significance of roses.

You see, yellow roses
signify friendship, and--

Wait. So...
we're friends?

Well, mostly....so far.

But red roses,
they symbolize passion....

or...love.

l think there's some
passion in here.

l think l haven't stopped
thinking about you for the past month,

especially when
we're apart.

l brought something else.

l was thinking
l could spend the night.

lt has been a month.

l think it's a record
for not fucking in this town.

Which way to the bedroom?

Uh...

down the hall,
first door on the right.

Big bed.
You can't miss it.

Do you need some
alone time?

Shall l join you?

That was...

Yeah?

Really...

Yeah?

Awful.

[groans]
lt was, wasn't it?

What happened?

l have no idea.

Oh.

l think my nipple's
bleeding.

Oh, sorry.

What were you doing
with your hand?

Well, l was trying to...

you know, and then
l wanted to...

lt was supposed to...

[laughs]

l saw it in
a Jeff Stryker video.

lt looked good
when he did it.

l'm sure it did.

lt's still in the VCR.
You wanna see?

That's okay.

You wanna...try again?

Oh, God no.

l'm just tired.

Let's get some sleep.

lt was one of the three worst
sexual experiences l've ever had.

No. l'd say it's in
the top two.

Scale of 1 to 10.

One.

at best.
Ouch.

[Woman]
Eli, get in here!

Just a minute!

Bitch won't give me
a minute's peace today.

Tell me,
it couldn't have been that bad.

Remember when we first met?

You know, and we tried to...

[gasps]
That was bad.

And that's how we knew we were
destined to just be friends.

But l don't want
to be friends with this guy.

He's special.

l'll try not to take
that personally.

[Woman]
Eli!

Have you talked to him
since then?

No. l don't know
what to say.

l really like this guy,
but, man, it was bad.

Well, don't get
discouraged.

l'm sure it's just, um...

Oh, well, whatever
the opposite of beginner's luck is.

That would be my luck.

[groans]

Thanks for listening.
l gotta run.

Anytime.

[Woman]
Peel it!

Hey, watch where you're
going, asshole.

Do you know me well enough
to call me an asshole?

lf l've actually
seen your asshole,

then l can call you
an asshole.

Think you ever want to,
you know,

see it again, after...

Let's not discuss this
in the romantic-comedy section.

But we can...
discuss it, right?

Why?

Well, you were there.

Do you want to
go through that again?

Well, l have heard

that most peoples' first
experiences are bad.

Too much expectation and all.

My thinking exactly.

Next time will be different.

Definitely.

l can bring my whip.

Oh, you're home.

Great.

What are you--

Glenn, this is, uh--
What's your name again?

Preston.
My name's Preston.

This is my roommate Glenn
and this is his--

his ad...am.

So nice
to meet you, Glenn,

and you, too, Adam.

Don't get too close.
He's a Republican!

[chuckles]

[both laugh]

And this is the way
to my bedroom.

See you again soon.

Speaking of bedrooms...

[Glenn]
Ouch! Teeth!

[Adam]
Sorry.

[Vincent moaning]

Oh, come on, baby.

[Glenn]
Just ignore it.

Come on, baby.
That's it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's it!

That's it!

lt sounds like
a public park restroom in here.

Yeah.

Let's see if we
can outdo 'em.

Oh! Oh, yeah!

[moaning]
Oh, yeah!

Yeah, baby!
Fuck my hole!

Yeah, fuck my hole!

[moaning]

l cannot compete with that.

lf l wanted to hear
guys screaming like that,

l'd go to the gym.

Rain check?

Sure.
Oh, yeah!

Yeah, baby!
Yeah, baby!

Oh, yeah!
Fuck my hole!

Oh, God, yeah!
Fuck my hole!

[moaning]

Better hurry up! the Doctor Who
marathon starts in five minutes.

A little dressed up
for the Sci-Fi channel.

What? ls that--
ls that tonight?

Sorry. l'm going
to a concert with Adam.

Oh. Of course you are.

Why don't you call up
that Preston guy?

lt sounded like
you two got along.

Nah.

He seemed a little used.

You know what l mean?

Dick.

Heh.

l thought l was
the conservative one.

We are going to see
Andrew's band tonight, aren't we?

That we are.

lt's someplace
downtown, right?

Am l dressed okay?

You look perfect.
Let's go.

[Scherzo, Beethoven's
Ninth Symphony

[giggling]

Nice outfit,
by the way.

l could see
that fake tattoo

all the way from
the percussion section.

Hey.

l thought it brought
a nice youthful air

to the usual
Philharmonic crowd.

[Glenn]
Yeah, exactly.

Complemented
the blue blood

and blue hair
just perfectly.

You two look so
perfect together.

[Andrew]
Yeah, it's about time.

We are so tired
of fixing Glenn up.

How come that never
worked out?

Because you were never
looking in the personals.

How often
did you fix him up?

- Not that often.
- Hardly ever.

All the time.

Yeah, there was the cellist
from the orchestra.

Uh, my personal trainer.

Uh, Mary Margaret's
second cousin.

What was
his name again?

Stuart.

That's right.
Yeah.

Why didn't
that work out?

Because his name
was Stuart,

and he was more interested
in poppers than in me.

Oh, l love poppers.

l do.

What? All the jalapenos
and the cheese?

ln fact,
let's order some.

Yes, please.
Waiter, poppers all around.

- What?
- [laughs]

At least we can all agree
that he's straight.

l wanna be bad

l wanna feel your skin
on my every limb

But would you think
of me then?

l wanna be bad

l wanna take your views
and change all mine, too

So you won't know
what to do

l wanna be bad

l wanna make you feel
like you're addicted to me

So you won't know
what to do

When l'm through
with your annoying ways

And your foolish games

Take your heart
in the palm of my hand

You won't even
recognize it

Make your life spin,
you're not gonna win

So don't even go
and try it

Live your life
through my demands

So you'll see
what l want you to

You'll be all mine

And that'll be fine

l wanna be bad

l wanna take your heart
in the palm of my hands

And l won't have remorse

l wanna be bad

l wanna work you through
then never call again

What would you
think of me then?

l wanna be bad

l wanna make you look
in the mirror twice

'Cause you won't
recognize

You'll be all mine

And that'll be fine
till l'm through with you

Take your heart
in the palm of my hands

You won't even
recognize it

Make your life spin,
you're not gonna win

So don't even
go and try it

Live your life
through my demands

So you'll see
what l want you to

You'll be all mine

You'll be all mine

You'll be all mine

[no audible dialogue]

l'm already bad
'cause l'm sick of you

And the day's
not even through

Feel like a movie today?

Maybe,
but l get to pick.

Oh, you're such
a movie snob.

You own
Howard the Duckon video.

l rest my case.

Heh heh.

Stupid.

[ringing]

Hello?

Hey, buddy.

Rex, what's up?

Me.

l want to come over,

get the day
started right.

l can't, man.
l'm busy.

[chuckles]

Are you still with
that same guy?

How about a third?

Some other time.

Right on.

Some other time, man.

Who was that?

No one important.

Oh. Heh.
Hey.

Hey.

Who's that?

Bad sweater guy.

Yeah.
Been there, done him.

He likes to be spanked
while he calls you Mommy.

l should call him again.

You have to help me
come up with ideas

on what to get
Adam for Christmas.

Oh, okay.

Well, l hear
the Ronald Reagan dildo

is very popular this year.

He fucked you
in the '80s.

Now let him
do it for real.

He already has one.

Seriously?

Hey, so what are your plans
for Christmas this year?

l plan on reminding everyone
once again that l'm Jewish.

Sorry. Brain lapse.

Yeah, you'd think with a name
like Eli Rosenberg

you'd remember.

Well, hey, what are your plans
for Hanukkah?

The Hanukkah
that was last week?

Yeah, that one.

The usual, you know.

Kugel and brisket
over at my Aunt Flo's.

How is Aunt Flo?
Oh, great.

Wish l got to see her
more than once a month.

You know,
''once a month.''

Maybe you should get Adam
a healthy dose of honesty for Christmas.

Meaning what?

Well, meaning that you
should really think about

whether you two
want to keep this going.

Think about it.

Being gay means being
defined by sex--

how we have sex
and who we have it with.

lt's what makes us different

from the millions
of breeders out there

buying dancing Santas
and fruitcake.

That, and taste.
Yeah, okay.

But, you know, do you really
want to stay with someone

who doesn't put
the wind in your sails?

Well, in five years the sex
will pretty much be gone anyway,

so why not?

Why not be with someone

who meets all
of my other needs?

l'm just worried about you.

l want you to be happy.

Normally l'd tell you
to get laid,

but that's obviously
not working.

Fuck you.
You had your chance.

So does this mean
l should take back

the dancing Santa
l bought you?

Seriously?

So, did that guy finally come
to his senses and kick you out?

He had to leave early
for a meeting.

So l just thought
l'd go over there later for dinner,

so l was going to come home

and get ready for work.

Nice surprise.

Well, then,
l should, uh...

get ready.

Do you want me
to pour you a bowl

and we can talk or whatever?

Um...

Sorry, l should go.

[muted soft jazz playing]

[music continues]

[Man] l'm here
to deliver your pizza, sir.

Did you order
extra sausage?

[synthesizer playing
Deck the Halls]

[knocking]

l'm so...

l told you l'm allergic
to that stupid wreath,

so don't complain
if l'm sneezing all night long.

Or you could distract me

by opening up
my Christmas package.

[record scratch]

[chuckles]

You're early.

And you're not alone.
Nope.

Glenn, this is my father,
William Harris.

Dad, this is Glenn.

Well, it is nice
to meet you...Glenn.

l've heard so much
about you.

Here. Go ahead.
Let me have this.

Mom, get in here.

Oh!

l have been waiting
for months to meet you.

Okay, let's take
a good look.

Turn around.

Cute. Cute. Cute.

Oh, nice ass.
You've done good, honey.

And as for you,
you done really good.

Now get in the kitchen
and help me with dinner.

Excuse us.

No, no, no.
Eat something.

No, l was actually at the '68
Democratic Convention and got maced.

[all laughing]

[William]
And, no, we don't understand

the Republican thing either.

Oh, he gets that
from your side of the family.

Well, it must have
skipped a generation.

Tell me something, Glenn.

How long have you been gay?

Mom!

Oh, don't be shy, dear.

Adam came out to us
his senior year in high school,

but l knew
a long time before that.

l think l even knew
before you did, right, sweetie?

l've never seen
this woman before in my life.

He used to take pictures
for his high school yearbook

of all the sporting events.

Guess what his favorite was.

The wrestling team.

l don't think he knew
what it even meant at the time,

but l knew.

Oh, oh! And you never
answered my question.

Me?
Of course, you.

Who else am l talking to?

Well, l came out at 21,
if that's what you mean.

Late bloomer.
Yeah.

Well, that's okay.

You got plenty of time
to make up for it,

especially now that
you've met our Adam.

l'd try to stop her,
but it wouldn't do any good.

l see.
[laughing]

Well, l hope that
my meeting Adam

is the first of many
wonderful things

to happen in my life.

[Mom] Oh!
Such a good answer.

[sighs]

l like you.
You're a keeper.

Thank you.

Um, but l should...
probably get home.

lt's getting late.

You're not staying here?

Uh...

No, no, no, no.
lt's okay, guys.

We understand what happens
with you young people nowadays.

Oh, honey.

lt even happens with us old people
sometimes, eh, Bill?

[Adam groans]

l'm glad
we've already eaten.

Well, then it's settled.
You're staying.

lf you insist.
Great!

Now be a good boy
and clean your plate.

Yes, ma'am.

You could have
warned me.

Remember the Philharmonic
incident?

Payback.

Oh, l'll show you payback.

[chuckles]

[laughing]

[dance music playing]

[Glenn sighs]

Headache?

Jesus.

Sorry, l thought
everyone was asleep.

Well, l did, too.

Oh, oh.
Don't tell Diane.

She thinks l quit.

Um, your secret
is safe with me.

Eh.

No, no, no, no.
Don't go.

l'm glad we've got
this moment alone.

You know, Adam's been talking
about you non-stop for months.

We weren't actually going
to come out here for a visit this year.

Diane had to meet you.

Glad she did.

Thank you, sir.
That's...

nice of you to say.

And if you don't mind
me saying so,

you shouldn't worry
about the sex.

You and Adam really do
talk about everything.

Don't be embarrassed.

l'm naked and talking to my
boyfriend's father about our sex life.

What's to be
embarrassed about?

Sit down.

You know, Diane and l,

we never slept together
before we got married.

lt wasn't the thing
to do back then...

not with her, at least.

And our honeymoon night?

Not the stuff
of fond memories.

For the longest time, sex was something
that we did out of habit

for the most part.

Diane, well,
she was so uptight back then.

That's hard to believe.

She seems so...
free-spirited.

Oh, yeah.
Sure. That's now.

l mean, once we both
kind of loosened up

and explored
different things,

it was great.

lt was really great.

You think Adam and l
will work things out?

Well, kids today want everything
immediately, right?

lnstant gratification
and all that kind of stuff.

You know,
your generation could learn

a lot about creating
long-term relationships

by looking at us old folks.

Nothing is perfect.

l don't know.

Sometimes it is.
Perfect, l mean.

Good.
Welcome to the family.

And if you don't mind,
l think l'll leave first.

l've seen plenty
of you tonight.

[dance music playing]

[Crowd]
10, 9, 8, 7...

6, 5, 4...

3, 2, 1!

[cheering]

[snoring]

[snoring continues]

[ringing]

[Glenn] Hey, babe.
l have to work late tonight.

Sorry. We're going
to have to cancel dinner.

l know you're busy
tomorrow night,

so let's hook up again
on Friday.

Call me.
This is Glenn.

[Adam] lt's me.

lt's about 2:00
on Friday afternoon.

l've got bad news.

The Miller presentation
was moved up to Monday.

l have to work tonight
and all weekend to get ready.

God, l miss you.
Call me.

[Glenn, on speaker]
Okay, this is getting ridiculous.

My meeting got changed
to tonight and no one told me

so l won't be home
till really late.

[sighs]

l'll just call you tomorrow.

[Adam, on speaker]
This is Adam. Remember me?

Got your message.

l'm booked tonight.

My cousin's in town
and l have to meet her for dinner.

But mark me down
for tomorrow night.

l have two tickets
to a big party

and l want you to go.

No, l'm not going to go.

Music, dancing,
open bar.

Me.

What more could you want?

l need for it not to be
a Log Cabin Republicans mixer.

l'm not asking you
to give them any money.

Just come with me
and enjoy yourself.

l have tried
to bite my tongue,

but how can you
support that group?

You might as well join
the Aryan Nation.

You know, if anyone
at my work found out,

l'd be crucified.

Hey, l went to
your work fundraiser.

What?

That is so different!

That was for people
who support gay rights.

They don't want to tell me
l'd be better off dead.

That's not what the Log Cabin
Republicans stand for.

Well, it might as well.

lf you sleep with the enemy,
you become the enemy.

Then what does
that make you?

[sighs]

Fine.
Fine.

Fuck.

[soft rock playing]

[chattering]

[Australian accent]
Tonight, ladies and gentlemen,

we uncover the rarest

of all land-based creatures,

the gays who can't dance.

l'm sorry.

For?

For being an asshole.

And l do know you
well enough by now

that, yes, you were
a major asshole today.

l know.

Sorry, l couldn't look
beyond your stupid politics--

Not helping.

l couldn't look
beyond your politics

to see that if something's
important to you,

then l need to support you,

even if l don't agree
with you.

You want a drink?

l want you,

stupid politics and all.

[door opens]

[dance music playing]

[Man]
Dude, where's my cock?

Where's my cock, dude?

Glenn, it's me.

Something's happened
to my dad.

l think it's a heart attack.

He's in the hospital now.

l'm catching the first
flight l can to see him.

l'm so sorry about tonight.

Of all nights...

l've been looking forward
to it all week.

l'll call you tonight
after l get in.

l miss you so much.

l love you.

[beep]

[Adam on speaker,
muffled]

Damn cell phone static.

[beep]

[phone ringing]

Adam!

Adam, you in there?

Happy fucking Valentine's Day.

[Vincent]
Hey.

You're back early.

Did Adam call today to say
that he wasn't going to make it tonight?

No. Why?

He's not home.

There's no answer
on his cell,

at his work,
or his house.

l mean, l can understand
him being too busy

to see me any other night,

but blowing off
Valentine's Day?

Where are you off to?

Well, l figured the bars
would be full of guys

as depressed as l was
about Valentine's Day.

Maybe someone will
feel sorry for me and l'll get lucky.

Hey.

There's no reason why
anyone should feel sorry for you.

You just haven't met
the right guy yet.

l hope he hasn't
missed me somehow.

No way.
He's out there.

Want to come with me?

We haven't been
dancing in awhile.

l don't know.

No, l'll wait,
see if Adam calls.

lf not, fuck him.

Maybe l'll go
rent a movie.

You sure?

Yeah. Yeah.

You go on.
Get laid. Be safe.

Have fun.

lf you change your mind...

l know.

Hey, buddy.

Hey, Rex.

Haven't heard
from you in awhile.

You've been too busy
with my roommate.

That was fun, wasn't it?

So...

no date tonight?

No.

Apparently not.

- What you got?
- Spartacus.

Come and watch?

Watch, then come?

Your choice.

Uh-uh.
No?

What the hell.

Our sweat becomes
a hurricane

These moves
are like a twister

[continues indistinctly]

What you waiting for?

What's your name again?

What do you
want it to be?

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Adam.
Nice to hear from you.

Where the hell
were you last night?

No, l didn't
get your message.

Oh, my God.

l'm so...sorry.

Me, too.

No, l mean it.

l'm sorry,
not just for this.

For being such a jerk.

For everything.

l'm so very sorry.

Me, too.

l'll go say something
to your mom in a minute.

She's holding up well,
considering.

Too many people
to deal with.

She'll be glad
to see you, though.

You must have been
so pissed,

thinking l stood you up
on Valentine's Day.

Yeah. l was.

l haven't had anything
to eat for two days

except condolence casseroles.

So what did you do?

We can get you something
better to eat later.

Um...

Just went out
with Vincent.

Got really drunk.

l was so hung over
when you called.

Feel better now?

Definitely.

When is Adam coming
back to town?

A few days.

Aren't you glad
l dragged your ass out here?

Beats moping around
your house, right?

Right.

Well, l needed
a sick day bad.

l so couldn't take
that bitch today.

She...

[clears throat]

You and Adam going to
work things out?

l hope so.

l feel really bad
about what l did.

Hey, hey, hey.
No one can blame you.

Old habits die hard.

Real hard,
l would imagine.

Heh heh.

l can't tell him
though, can l?

No, no.

N-O.

Honesty is no way
to maintain a relationship.

He just got back

and you're forcing him to go
to the gym already?

Gives us more time
to be together.

Looking for a quick fuck?

A new apartment,
actually.

You're moving out?

lsn't that what you want?

Why would you think that?

What should l think?

You're spending more
and more time with the ad guy,

either here,
at his place,

or with Mary Margaret
and Andrew.

So?

So?

So you've turned into
one of those couples

who doesn't want
to have anything to do

with your
single friends anymore.

That is not true.

When was the last time

that you and l did
something together,

just the two of us?

l don't know.
Exactly.

lt was before he came
into the picture,

and that's not
friendship, Glenn.

l don't know how
you can say that.

Yes, l'm spending
more time with Adam,

but that's what you do
when you're dating.

Don't try to tell me
how relationships work.

l have been there,
you know.

But l never ignored you.

Okay, first of all,
l'm not ignoring you.

And secondly, your relationships
were never, ever serious.

You'd always come
crawling to me

whenever you wanted to avoid
moving forward with any guy.

lf you think that you
were my consolation prize

when my relationships
would end, you're wrong.

l care about you
far more than that.

And l'm not going to be
your consolation prize

when you get tired
of playing house

with someone
that's such a bad lay

that when
you're done with him

you have to go watch
porn for an hour

just to get the bad taste
of him out of your mouth!

Or worse, go off
with your little fuck buddy Rex

while your boyfriend's
father is dying!

That's not exactly what l would
call a recipe for happiness.

[Glenn]
He's not returning my calls

and he won't
answer the door.

Do you want
to keep this going?

Yes, l do.

You're a bigger man
than l am.

Yeah, l seem
to remember that.

[Woman]
Eli!

This bitch needs to die.

Have you heard
from Vincent?

Come on, man.

He hasn't been home
in a couple of days.

l just want to know
that he's okay.

He's fine.

He's...he's staying
at my place.

Just tell him...

Just tell him l'm sorry.

[Woman]
God damn it, Eli! Get in here!

Okay, l got to run, sweetie.

Hang in there and everything's
going to work out fine.

How do you know?

lt's just something
you say, Glenn!

lf l knew
what would happen,

l'd have my own
psychic hotline.

Good-bye.

Fill it!

Okay.

Fill this, bitch.

l quit.

[door opens]

Hey.

Hey.

Are you back?

l know.

Eli told me what's
happening with Adam.

l'm sorry.

Thanks.

You know, l should be mad at you
for what you said.

Aren't you?
Well, l was.

l've had a lot of time
to think about it...

and it boils down
to one thing.

What's that?

Everything
you said was true.

l can't be mad at you

when it's my own actions
that got me into trouble.

So...

[sighs]

l got so upset,

and l just went back
to my old ways.

l kept telling myself
it was okay.

After all,
monogamy for gay men

is fucking one person...

[both]
most of the time.

Exactly.

But l should know better
at this point.

Still, l'm sorry for
saying it like that.

l don't want
to move out.

l wanted us
to be roommates forever.

l care about you so much.

More than you
care for me, l know,

but that's my problem.

lt's my issue.

l've realized that...

when you find someone...

you'll move on from me.

We're always--we're always
gonna be friends, though.

You know,
close friends.

And l do love you,
Vincent.

l love you, too.

l feel like l need to
make some grand gesture to...

l don't know, make Adam realize
how much l love him?

l wish l could help.

Nowadays, my means of relief
don't run to the emotional.

Oh. Hang on a minute.
l need to...

finish up
with this client.

Oh, yeah, daddy!

Uhh! Give it to me!

Mmm! Yeah,
that's it!

Oh! Harder!

Oh, yeah. Shake it
back and forth.

Make you do voices,
daddy!

Oh, nice! Yeah.

Spanish accent.
Ol�, man, ol�.

Bring it, man,
bring it!

Oh, it's good.
Okay, okay.

Now, you got that
stuffed monkey?

Oh, yeah.

You're into pirates?

Yeah, l'm sitting here
with my...

with my parrot.

And we're both so hot
for you, daddy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh...

Daddy want a hand job?

Yeah. Oh, you like that?
Aarrgh! Aarrgh! Aarrgh!

Are you getting
close, daddy?

Are you getting close?

[parrot voice]
Aarrgh! Aarrgh!

Oh, yeah.
Give it to me.

Yeah, anytime now,
daddy.

Anytime, daddy.

Oh, good boy.
Good boy, daddy.

All right.
You take care.

Sorry about that.
[laughs]

You know these priests,
they take forever.

How goes
the new job?

Oh, yeah, well, uh,
who am l to complain?

lt's turned a hobby
into a paying gig.

[laughs]
Yeah.

So are you gonna be okay?

He-man coffee for you,

herbal tea for me.

You're not going
all healthy on me, are you?

[laughs]
Just having trouble sleeping.

Thanks for letting me
come over.

You've been
so busy lately.

l feel like l haven't
seen you in forever.

l've had so many things
come up.

Family things,
you know.

Gotcha.

So, what are
you gonna do?

l don't know.

l love him.

l thought everything
would work out for once.

l know, sweetie.

l was getting used
to having him around,

being part of a couple.

Me, too.

At least l still have
you and Andrew.

Some things never change.

Sometimes they do.

l hadn't planned on
telling you today.

Telling me what?

The herbal tea isn't because
l'm having trouble sleeping.

l should
just avoid caffeine,

especially in
the first trimester.

You mean...

you're going
back to school?

No!
Yes.

[laughs]

Oh, now you've done it.

You've gone
and made me cry.

l'm sorry.
This is just so exciting!

l'm gonna turn into
Tammy Faye any second.

l'm so happy for you.

You really have it all,
don't you?

A husband,

a kid on the way,

the ideal relationship.

That's it.

You are fucking crazy.

And coming from me,
that's saying a lot.

No. No, no.
lt's what l need to do.

Are you sure?

Well, that's why l wanted you here
to help me decide.

But this--
[knock on door]

Hey.

Hey.

[Adam]
Hey, guys.

l'm...

l'm glad to see you.

l tried to call.

l know.

Well, l'm...

l wanted to say...

Do you still have
my green sweater?

[Glenn]
Huh?

That green sweater.

Um--

You always said
it looked good on me.

l think
it's in my closet.

Can l get it?

l'm gonna need it
in Atlanta.

Atlanta?

Yeah. My mom's having
a rough time.

And, uh...

l thought l gave
L.A. a shot.

lt didn't work out.

Maybe the best thing
l can do is just go back home.

No. No, l--l don't--
l don't want--l--

What?
l don't--

l want you to be happy.

[Glenn]
More than anything.

You, too.

l hope you can be.

Can l get the sweater?

Yeah.

Aren't you going
to stop him?

Why should l?
He doesn't--

He doesn't want me
anymore.

Okay, l know l haven't been the biggest
supporter of this relationship,

but l swear, if you don't
go after him right now,

l'm gonna slap you.

He just doesn't want me--
He just--

Uhh!
What the hell?

l don't want you
to turn into me.

Oh, honey,
no one wants that.

Now go!

Go after him!

[chuckles]
Thanks.

Thank you.

This is just
so Molly Ringwald

at the end of
Pretty in Pink.

[both laugh]

Oh, let's watch it!

l thought we said
all there is to say.

Not everything.

Just listen to me
for a second, okay?

There's no one l can imagine
spending my life with except for you.

What about
this Rex guy?

l am so sorry for that.

l just got mad.

l slipped back into
my old behavior.

lt was stupid.

lt won't happen again.

But you lied.

l know.

And l know that l have to
earn your trust back,

and l will.

There's more to it.

l think...

l finally know
what the problem is,

in and out
of the bedroom.

See...

you are essentially
an old-fashioned guy...

and a Republican to boot.

And it was always
right there.

''Shy and romantic,''
the first two words in your ad.

Even after you came out,

you probably always dreamed
about meeting Prince Charming

and living
happily ever after.

So?

So...

l'm guessing...

that you probably still
feel the same way.

A desire for a more
traditional relationship.

And maybe that's what
you need to make things right.

l know this isn't
exactly traditional.

Then again,
how can it be?

What are you doing?

Adam, l love you.

Will you marry me?

Are you serious?

More serious than l've ever been
about anything in my life.

But this kneeling shit
is overrated.

l'll only ask
once more.

Then l need you
to walk off and...

forget you
ever met me.

That's impossible,
and you know it.

Then marry me.

[pop rock]

l feel l'm going crazy

Trying to figure us out

All the words
you once said to me

Have filled me with doubt

Well, l don't know
what's left to do

Hush my heart,
it's thrown to you

How do l go on
and what do l say?

How do l start to explain

That everything l wanted

ls standing
in front of me?

Everything
you ever wanted

l hope is inside of me

lnside of me

Oh

Yeah

Everything you wanted

Well, l'm okay,
l'll be just fine

l tell myself
all the time

What more can l do?

With all these feelings
that you have

l feel some
down deep inside...

l love you.

l love you, too.

Hush my heart,
it's thrown to you

How do l go on
and what do l say?

How do l start to explain

That everything l wanted

ls standing
in front of me?

Everything
you ever wanted

l hope is inside of me

lnside of me

Oh

You see, now everything
l ever wanted

ls standing
in front of me

Everything
you ever wanted

l hope is inside of me

lnside of me

Oh

Yeah

Everything you wanted

l hope

l hope

ls inside of me

Oh

ls inside of me

[soft rock]

l just can't stop
loving you

Wouldn't even try

lt wouldn't do

lf l say the words
of what l feel inside

Would it be enough

To make you mine?

l'll be loving you

lf you want me to

You're the someone
l want to hold on to

l'll be loving you

lf you want me to

With everything l knew

l'm still loving you

Mm-hmm

Oh, oh

Everything's all right

l convince myself at night

Lying here while
it all comes running

lf you could only see

How you got to me

Maybe you'd try to

To love again

l'll be loving you

lf you want me to...

Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, lnc. Burbank, CA