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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,314 --> 00:00:03,392 Oh hi, Sally. 2 00:00:03,467 --> 00:00:04,467 It's Mary. 3 00:00:06,587 --> 00:00:09,592 Well, actually I was wondering whether 4 00:00:09,667 --> 00:00:13,239 we should take the Brownies somewhere else this weekend. 5 00:00:13,314 --> 00:00:14,399 Oh, no reason. 6 00:00:15,507 --> 00:00:17,679 No, nothing to do with work. 7 00:00:18,787 --> 00:00:19,787 Oh gosh. 8 00:00:20,881 --> 00:00:23,577 Well, anywhere really. 9 00:00:28,801 --> 00:00:30,239 Shetland? 10 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,720 Sync & corrections by Costa Dax www.addic7ed.com 11 00:00:42,387 --> 00:00:44,392 And in short, that's why I have to sleep 12 00:00:44,467 --> 00:00:45,639 completely naked. 13 00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:49,352 Well, that's good to know. 14 00:00:49,427 --> 00:00:50,763 Okay, so just to remind everyone, 15 00:00:50,787 --> 00:00:52,319 we're still on Amber alert following 16 00:00:52,394 --> 00:00:53,672 the poisoned water attacks 17 00:00:53,747 --> 00:00:55,592 that took place in Paris over the weekend. 18 00:00:55,667 --> 00:00:56,712 How far is Paris? 19 00:00:56,787 --> 00:00:58,866 Aside from Paris, what else is going on, Joseph? 20 00:00:58,867 --> 00:01:00,272 Do we have a systems update? 21 00:01:00,347 --> 00:01:01,992 Yes, not great I'm afraid. 22 00:01:02,067 --> 00:01:04,067 Tuva's already looking into who might be behind it. 23 00:01:04,091 --> 00:01:06,372 But we had an attack on one of our own servers last night. 24 00:01:06,373 --> 00:01:07,852 - Oh, fucking tense! - I know. 25 00:01:07,927 --> 00:01:09,352 When exactly did it happen? 26 00:01:09,427 --> 00:01:11,497 No! 27 00:01:11,521 --> 00:01:12,721 Attention please. 28 00:01:12,722 --> 00:01:13,722 This is a test. 29 00:01:13,754 --> 00:01:16,272 Please take no action. 30 00:01:16,347 --> 00:01:17,587 What on earth are you doing? 31 00:01:17,627 --> 00:01:18,627 Sorry. 32 00:01:19,781 --> 00:01:22,632 I still get PTSD from my time in Afghanistan. 33 00:01:22,707 --> 00:01:24,027 You never served in Afghanistan. 34 00:01:24,028 --> 00:01:25,539 Yeah, I know. 35 00:01:25,587 --> 00:01:27,523 But the drone footage I saw was very realistic. 36 00:01:27,547 --> 00:01:28,952 How much data was compromised? 37 00:01:29,027 --> 00:01:30,992 Yeah, it may sound insulting really. 38 00:01:31,067 --> 00:01:33,577 Macedites from the middle server. 39 00:01:33,601 --> 00:01:35,081 They did manage to capture a tiny bit 40 00:01:35,082 --> 00:01:36,807 of Mary's Internet browsing history, sadly. 41 00:01:36,865 --> 00:01:38,065 Oh no. 42 00:01:38,141 --> 00:01:39,861 Please tell me none of that was sensitive. 43 00:01:39,862 --> 00:01:41,034 No, apart from 44 00:01:42,507 --> 00:01:45,552 I have been looking online for a new bra. 45 00:01:45,627 --> 00:01:46,679 Really, what type? 46 00:01:46,754 --> 00:01:48,472 Just a brown one. 47 00:01:48,547 --> 00:01:49,547 Yeah baby. 48 00:01:49,587 --> 00:01:50,792 Found him. 49 00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:51,912 This is our hacker. 50 00:01:58,481 --> 00:01:59,577 - Fuck me. - Oh my gosh. 51 00:01:59,601 --> 00:02:01,312 Gosh, what a dick. 52 00:02:01,387 --> 00:02:03,483 Sorry, Jerry, do you mind using less bad language? 53 00:02:03,507 --> 00:02:04,507 Seriously? 54 00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:06,666 Shit is fine thought, isn't it? 55 00:02:06,667 --> 00:02:07,937 Now I say shit all the time. 56 00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,081 No you just talk shit. 57 00:02:09,147 --> 00:02:10,577 There's a difference. 58 00:02:10,601 --> 00:02:11,832 Oh yeah! 59 00:02:13,107 --> 00:02:14,912 - No, you have to let go. - Sorry. 60 00:02:14,987 --> 00:02:16,010 This guy is good. 61 00:02:16,034 --> 00:02:18,032 He once hacked the NSA database. 62 00:02:18,107 --> 00:02:19,919 NSA database, really? 63 00:02:21,347 --> 00:02:23,352 You know maybe we should bring this guy in. 64 00:02:23,426 --> 00:02:24,466 Make him part of the team. 65 00:02:24,467 --> 00:02:25,512 Absolutely not. 66 00:02:25,587 --> 00:02:26,832 I'm serious. 67 00:02:26,907 --> 00:02:29,272 I mean Tuva used to be a hacker, right? 68 00:02:29,347 --> 00:02:31,472 I don't know if I appreciate the term hacker 69 00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:33,632 because I'm also a singer. 70 00:02:33,707 --> 00:02:35,752 The only reason Tuva is here 71 00:02:35,827 --> 00:02:38,067 is because she made a bargaining plea with the government 72 00:02:38,068 --> 00:02:41,017 in exchange for some highly sensitive intel. 73 00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:42,472 Please don't say... 74 00:02:42,547 --> 00:02:43,907 It was about the Brexit campaign. 75 00:02:43,908 --> 00:02:45,752 What that was about. 76 00:02:45,827 --> 00:02:48,472 My point is we should keep our enemies close. 77 00:02:48,547 --> 00:02:50,272 Surely we can agree on that. 78 00:02:50,347 --> 00:02:52,472 Look, give me 48 hours with him. 79 00:02:52,547 --> 00:02:53,752 If it doesn't work out, 80 00:02:53,827 --> 00:02:56,039 I'm willing to take the hit on this. 81 00:02:56,114 --> 00:02:57,519 Fine. 82 00:02:57,594 --> 00:02:59,392 - Really? - Why not? 83 00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:02,312 I have complete faith in you. 84 00:03:02,387 --> 00:03:05,992 Ah, looks like I'm finally rubbing you off 85 00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:07,067 on me. 86 00:03:07,827 --> 00:03:09,472 - Finally... - Rubbing off on you. 87 00:03:09,547 --> 00:03:11,272 - Rubbing? - Rubbing off on you. 88 00:03:11,347 --> 00:03:13,092 - I'm finally... - Yes. 89 00:03:13,167 --> 00:03:15,093 - Rubbing off on you. - Yes, that's the saying. 90 00:03:15,094 --> 00:03:16,792 - You're rubbing off on me. - You wish. 91 00:03:18,587 --> 00:03:19,817 Oh, one final thing. 92 00:03:19,841 --> 00:03:21,883 Barnaby Bailer will be delivering his seminar 93 00:03:21,907 --> 00:03:24,312 on the politics of cyber security this week 94 00:03:24,387 --> 00:03:26,432 - to which you're all invited. - Bailer? 95 00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,912 The Middle East attaché? 96 00:03:27,987 --> 00:03:29,352 I love that guy! 97 00:03:29,427 --> 00:03:31,552 He and I used to make these cupcakes together 98 00:03:31,627 --> 00:03:33,799 when he was over for 9/11. 99 00:03:35,387 --> 00:03:36,950 Who's running his protection detail? 100 00:03:36,974 --> 00:03:38,974 'Cause last time got pretty rowdy. 101 00:03:39,026 --> 00:03:40,466 Oh, I'm sure his people will run it 102 00:03:40,467 --> 00:03:42,337 given his somewhat contentious legacy. 103 00:03:42,361 --> 00:03:44,403 Well, I'll pop down there just to be sure. 104 00:03:44,427 --> 00:03:45,792 Know what I'm saying? 105 00:03:45,867 --> 00:03:48,072 I can't hear you. 106 00:03:48,147 --> 00:03:50,032 Just in case it should come up, 107 00:03:50,107 --> 00:03:53,032 I actually used to date Barnaby Bailer. 108 00:03:53,107 --> 00:03:54,392 What the fuck? 109 00:03:54,467 --> 00:03:55,765 Jerry, please. 110 00:03:55,841 --> 00:03:57,577 When we were in university together. 111 00:03:57,601 --> 00:03:59,650 I don't suspect he'll remember me, though. 112 00:03:59,674 --> 00:04:01,872 It was all, you know, very brief. 113 00:04:01,947 --> 00:04:04,992 What, like in a premature ejaculation kind of way? 114 00:04:05,067 --> 00:04:07,439 Sorry, I really don't know what that is. 115 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:08,963 Well, I'm sure Joseph can show you. 116 00:04:13,634 --> 00:04:14,879 Well, what is it? 117 00:04:16,754 --> 00:04:17,952 Jerry? 118 00:04:18,027 --> 00:04:19,547 I don't know, should we look it up? 119 00:04:23,426 --> 00:04:25,232 - Thank you very much. - Thank you. 120 00:04:32,307 --> 00:04:33,627 My contact at the NSA has agreed 121 00:04:33,628 --> 00:04:35,359 to let me view Jerry's internal file. 122 00:04:35,434 --> 00:04:37,217 Can you save it onto the private server? 123 00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:38,632 It's important. 124 00:04:38,707 --> 00:04:41,432 Sure, do you want an ice cream? 125 00:04:41,507 --> 00:04:44,352 Did you get anything I just said? 126 00:04:44,427 --> 00:04:45,427 No. 127 00:04:53,747 --> 00:04:55,912 Is everything okay? 128 00:04:55,987 --> 00:04:58,952 Yeah, I don't know where Jerry got to, that's all. 129 00:04:59,027 --> 00:05:02,432 Oh, he and I usually have a coffee around this time. 130 00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:06,632 Well, I'd bring him a coffee and just watch him drink it. 131 00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,257 Thanks Mary. 132 00:05:09,387 --> 00:05:10,872 Oh, Quentin. 133 00:05:10,947 --> 00:05:11,947 Hello. 134 00:05:13,427 --> 00:05:16,712 Sorry, I picked up mom's glasses by accident this morning. 135 00:05:16,787 --> 00:05:18,657 I thought you said you couldn't see. 136 00:05:18,681 --> 00:05:21,199 Oh well, she can't at night. 137 00:05:22,634 --> 00:05:24,777 What are you up to this evening? 138 00:05:24,801 --> 00:05:29,279 Well, I usually help mom with her bath on Wednesdays. 139 00:05:30,774 --> 00:05:33,872 Let me know if I can ever be of service. 140 00:05:33,947 --> 00:05:36,832 Oh, I don't think mom would like that. 141 00:05:36,907 --> 00:05:39,792 She wouldn't know if she can't see. 142 00:05:39,867 --> 00:05:43,552 She would know if there were four hands in the bath. 143 00:05:43,627 --> 00:05:44,627 Yes. 144 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,672 Half an octopus. 145 00:05:48,747 --> 00:05:49,747 Yes. 146 00:05:52,466 --> 00:05:53,466 See you later. 147 00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:54,467 Okay. 148 00:05:58,026 --> 00:05:59,146 So I thought I'd start out 149 00:05:59,147 --> 00:06:00,639 by giving you like a quick tour 150 00:06:00,714 --> 00:06:01,919 and then I don't know. 151 00:06:01,994 --> 00:06:04,392 Probably just hang out, grab a drink. 152 00:06:04,467 --> 00:06:05,697 Maybe some tail. 153 00:06:05,721 --> 00:06:07,832 Guys, this is Tom. 154 00:06:07,907 --> 00:06:09,947 He's the one that hacked our server the other night. 155 00:06:09,948 --> 00:06:11,712 - Hey Tom. - Hi. 156 00:06:11,787 --> 00:06:13,192 This is Mary. 157 00:06:13,267 --> 00:06:15,552 Mary's been with GCHQ from the beginning. 158 00:06:15,627 --> 00:06:16,857 When was it founded, Mary? 159 00:06:16,881 --> 00:06:17,881 1919. 160 00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:19,746 Right, so then. 161 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:21,672 Well, not quite. 162 00:06:21,747 --> 00:06:23,599 I'm actually a lot younger than I look. 163 00:06:23,674 --> 00:06:25,232 Really, by how much? 164 00:06:25,307 --> 00:06:27,872 Gosh, no one's ever asked me that before. 165 00:06:27,947 --> 00:06:30,552 Plus she's absolutely filthy, you know what I mean? 166 00:06:30,627 --> 00:06:31,872 The mouth on her. 167 00:06:31,947 --> 00:06:33,312 This is Tuva. 168 00:06:33,387 --> 00:06:34,763 What'd you get up to this weekend? 169 00:06:34,787 --> 00:06:36,472 Not much. 170 00:06:36,547 --> 00:06:38,723 I just went to a club, got with couple of salty jerks. 171 00:06:38,747 --> 00:06:40,039 Your accent's really fresh. 172 00:06:40,114 --> 00:06:41,192 Who is not to use it? 173 00:06:41,267 --> 00:06:42,512 It's a mix. 174 00:06:42,587 --> 00:06:44,759 So you hacked the GCHQ server? 175 00:06:44,834 --> 00:06:46,272 Yep. 176 00:06:46,347 --> 00:06:49,272 I don't know whether to be impressed, annoyed 177 00:06:49,347 --> 00:06:50,347 or aroused. 178 00:06:51,587 --> 00:06:52,587 Probably annoyed. 179 00:06:52,594 --> 00:06:54,203 - Annoyed. - Aroused. 180 00:06:54,227 --> 00:06:56,457 I could sell the sprinters off if you like. 181 00:06:56,481 --> 00:06:57,897 Hey Tom, this is Joseph. 182 00:06:57,921 --> 00:06:59,081 Yeah I'm sorry, I'm Joseph. 183 00:06:59,082 --> 00:07:00,932 How are you? I'm actually Jerry's best friend. 184 00:07:01,007 --> 00:07:02,552 - PA. - Sorry, no, you go. 185 00:07:02,627 --> 00:07:04,472 Colleague. 186 00:07:04,547 --> 00:07:05,827 Do you always dress like that? 187 00:07:05,828 --> 00:07:06,828 Yes, why? 188 00:07:08,307 --> 00:07:09,785 No, that's cool. 189 00:07:09,861 --> 00:07:11,981 I was just wondering if it was for a bet or something. 190 00:07:11,982 --> 00:07:14,312 I can't even tell if he's joking. 191 00:07:14,387 --> 00:07:16,472 Are you joking? 192 00:07:19,947 --> 00:07:20,987 Do you work out? 193 00:07:21,027 --> 00:07:23,712 'Cause your traps are amazing. 194 00:07:23,787 --> 00:07:26,239 No, just came out like this. 195 00:07:28,507 --> 00:07:29,923 Let me introduce you to Christine. 196 00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:33,559 She's like the scary Mary Poppins of the team. 197 00:07:36,267 --> 00:07:37,952 He seems nice. 198 00:07:38,027 --> 00:07:40,272 I just think he finds me a little bit intimidating, 199 00:07:40,347 --> 00:07:41,952 which is a shame really. 200 00:07:44,386 --> 00:07:45,706 You know, he's hiding something, 201 00:07:45,707 --> 00:07:46,832 I'm sure of it. 202 00:07:46,907 --> 00:07:48,552 Our hands are tied, Chris. 203 00:07:48,627 --> 00:07:50,272 Sorry. 204 00:07:50,347 --> 00:07:53,512 Whitehall don't want us digging around about Jerry. 205 00:07:53,587 --> 00:07:55,472 What's that noise? 206 00:07:55,547 --> 00:07:57,632 Are you still on the Anthrax case? 207 00:07:57,707 --> 00:07:59,312 Sort of. 208 00:07:59,387 --> 00:08:00,912 Phantom of the Opera, Damascus. 209 00:08:00,987 --> 00:08:02,592 It's just starting. 210 00:08:11,627 --> 00:08:13,203 Well hey, just out of interest. 211 00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,872 Is it possible for someone like you 212 00:08:14,947 --> 00:08:17,872 to hack into say, I don't know, 213 00:08:17,947 --> 00:08:20,239 the NSA database? 214 00:08:20,314 --> 00:08:23,072 Have a look around, delete the odd file? 215 00:08:23,147 --> 00:08:24,532 You know someone's actually trying 216 00:08:24,607 --> 00:08:26,672 to access your file right now. 217 00:08:26,747 --> 00:08:28,352 What? 218 00:08:28,427 --> 00:08:30,192 Oh, that's uh, yeah. 219 00:08:30,267 --> 00:08:32,457 Can you abort that transfer? 220 00:08:32,481 --> 00:08:33,519 Just for fun? 221 00:08:34,787 --> 00:08:36,559 Yeah, I can just do, 222 00:08:37,626 --> 00:08:38,626 aborted. 223 00:08:45,867 --> 00:08:48,239 - Uh... - What's happening? 224 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:49,280 It's uploading again. 225 00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:50,281 What the? 226 00:08:51,627 --> 00:08:53,363 I could just permanently delete the file. 227 00:08:53,387 --> 00:08:57,232 I would love to see what that looks like. 228 00:08:59,347 --> 00:09:01,472 I love your cologne, by the way. 229 00:09:01,547 --> 00:09:04,137 I'm not wearing any. 230 00:09:04,161 --> 00:09:05,312 Still. 231 00:09:05,387 --> 00:09:06,392 Done. 232 00:09:26,546 --> 00:09:27,546 Jerry. 233 00:09:27,547 --> 00:09:28,792 Yeah? 234 00:09:28,867 --> 00:09:30,657 Should I clean up your browsing history? 235 00:09:30,681 --> 00:09:32,239 Yeah, please. 236 00:09:32,314 --> 00:09:34,192 That would be great. 237 00:09:36,267 --> 00:09:37,752 I'll be back. 238 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:39,097 - Hey. - Hey man. 239 00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,946 I just wondered if you would fancy 240 00:09:40,947 --> 00:09:42,312 going to the canteen together. 241 00:09:42,347 --> 00:09:43,867 I do know that curly sausage you like. 242 00:09:43,868 --> 00:09:45,272 Oh man, I'd love to but actually 243 00:09:45,347 --> 00:09:47,839 Tom and I are going out for T-bones later. 244 00:09:47,914 --> 00:09:49,319 Tonight? 245 00:09:49,354 --> 00:09:50,714 Oh, 'cause I'm not doing anything. 246 00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:52,392 You know, I look at this guy 247 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:55,392 and I can't help but think about that saying, 248 00:09:55,467 --> 00:09:58,152 you hang around with chickens, you cluck. 249 00:09:58,227 --> 00:10:01,119 You hang around with eagles, you fly. 250 00:10:02,007 --> 00:10:04,113 Yeah, I know but the main thing with eagles though 251 00:10:04,114 --> 00:10:05,879 is that they all have mental health problems. 252 00:10:05,954 --> 00:10:07,159 All done. 253 00:10:07,234 --> 00:10:10,352 - So when is actually... - Excuse me. 254 00:10:10,427 --> 00:10:11,639 Yeah, thank you. 255 00:10:16,787 --> 00:10:19,159 Dude, seriously, how do you stay in shape? 256 00:10:19,234 --> 00:10:20,872 Well, I used to be a gymnast 257 00:10:20,947 --> 00:10:22,592 but I just got too big. 258 00:10:22,667 --> 00:10:24,352 Yeah, I know, me too. 259 00:10:24,427 --> 00:10:25,639 So what kind of stuff? 260 00:10:25,714 --> 00:10:27,552 I mean, can you show me something? 261 00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,312 - It's been a while. - Come on man. 262 00:10:29,387 --> 00:10:31,257 - I'm out of practice. - Come on. 263 00:10:31,281 --> 00:10:32,352 Oh, hey guys. 264 00:10:32,427 --> 00:10:33,512 Come on yeah! 265 00:10:33,587 --> 00:10:35,119 Okay, watch this. 266 00:10:39,681 --> 00:10:40,719 Oh! 267 00:10:40,794 --> 00:10:42,959 Wow, what the fuck! 268 00:10:43,193 --> 00:10:44,193 That was great. 269 00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:45,292 That was... 270 00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:46,750 - Did you see that? - Yeah, I did. 271 00:10:46,774 --> 00:10:49,134 Well, I used to do that all the time when I was in gym club. 272 00:10:49,135 --> 00:10:50,257 What, you were a gymnast? 273 00:10:50,281 --> 00:10:52,283 Oh, it was mostly combat rolls, that kind of thing. 274 00:10:52,358 --> 00:10:53,872 What's combat roll? 275 00:10:53,947 --> 00:10:55,187 Oh well, hang on let me just, 276 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:57,913 I just need a bit of space to... Thank you. 277 00:10:59,714 --> 00:11:01,159 It's sort of like, 278 00:11:04,387 --> 00:11:07,639 get your leg over sort of like this. 279 00:11:08,987 --> 00:11:10,723 You paid someone to teach you that? 280 00:11:10,747 --> 00:11:11,747 Yeah. 281 00:11:13,547 --> 00:11:15,587 Isn't that just a teddy bear roll? 282 00:11:15,634 --> 00:11:16,712 Yeah, combat roll. 283 00:11:16,787 --> 00:11:19,617 But we used to practice a lot more complicated stuff in my bedroom. 284 00:11:19,641 --> 00:11:21,072 Like what? 285 00:11:21,147 --> 00:11:22,580 Oh, I can't really demonstrate here 286 00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,632 because it's not the space, and it's not the height? 287 00:11:24,707 --> 00:11:26,557 - For you? - Come on. I just can't really. 288 00:11:26,581 --> 00:11:28,239 I'm not warmed up. 289 00:11:28,314 --> 00:11:30,479 Joseph, Joseph, Joseph, Joseph! 290 00:11:32,281 --> 00:11:33,281 Okay, okay! 291 00:11:33,347 --> 00:11:35,199 Joseph, Joseph, Joseph! 292 00:11:46,986 --> 00:11:47,986 You hungry? 293 00:11:47,987 --> 00:11:49,199 I could eat. 294 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:07,492 Oh man! 295 00:12:07,767 --> 00:12:09,301 Yeah? 296 00:12:11,167 --> 00:12:12,772 Hey. 297 00:12:12,847 --> 00:12:14,652 Hey, what the fuck? 298 00:12:14,727 --> 00:12:16,532 Is everything okay? 299 00:12:16,607 --> 00:12:17,892 Yeah, why? 300 00:12:17,967 --> 00:12:19,692 You know I got tased, right? 301 00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:21,127 No I know that, but what are you, 302 00:12:21,128 --> 00:12:22,340 what happened? 303 00:12:23,407 --> 00:12:24,757 Just fancied a change. 304 00:12:24,781 --> 00:12:26,237 What, from man to woman? 305 00:12:26,261 --> 00:12:27,717 What'd you do to your hair? 306 00:12:27,741 --> 00:12:29,837 - I wanted to make it blonde. - No. 307 00:12:29,861 --> 00:12:31,292 No? 308 00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:33,772 No, that would never work with someone of your coloring. 309 00:12:33,847 --> 00:12:36,492 And you end up looking like a bee. 310 00:12:36,567 --> 00:12:37,567 Buddy. 311 00:12:39,767 --> 00:12:42,332 So have you... you're finished with Tom now. 312 00:12:42,407 --> 00:12:44,892 Is he gone back, where is he? 313 00:12:44,967 --> 00:12:46,572 He'll be in later this afternoon. 314 00:12:46,647 --> 00:12:48,812 We got totally shit faced last night. 315 00:12:54,327 --> 00:12:56,372 - What's up? - Oh, nothing. 316 00:12:56,447 --> 00:12:58,677 Wait, wait a minute. 317 00:12:58,701 --> 00:13:00,812 Dude, is this because of Tom? 318 00:13:03,212 --> 00:13:04,252 No. 319 00:13:04,327 --> 00:13:06,452 Listen, you need to relax 320 00:13:06,527 --> 00:13:08,452 and just be your own man. 321 00:13:08,527 --> 00:13:10,132 Okay, you do you. 322 00:13:10,206 --> 00:13:11,726 That's the coolest thing you could do. 323 00:13:11,727 --> 00:13:13,372 - Yeah. - Okay? 324 00:13:13,447 --> 00:13:14,447 Yeah. 325 00:13:15,287 --> 00:13:16,652 Well yeah, just as long as 326 00:13:16,727 --> 00:13:18,219 you and I get to... 327 00:13:19,247 --> 00:13:20,247 What? 328 00:13:20,281 --> 00:13:22,452 Well, you know, remain... 329 00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:24,652 Oh, what like this? 330 00:13:24,727 --> 00:13:26,132 Yeah. 331 00:13:26,207 --> 00:13:28,772 Yeah, no this will never change. 332 00:13:28,847 --> 00:13:31,219 All right, thank you, good. 333 00:13:34,447 --> 00:13:35,687 So what are you doing tonight? 334 00:13:35,761 --> 00:13:37,681 Do you want to go out to the cinema or something? 335 00:13:37,682 --> 00:13:40,020 No, I'm out again tonight with Tom. 336 00:13:41,727 --> 00:13:44,372 So when was the last time you saw Barnaby? 337 00:13:44,447 --> 00:13:46,819 Gosh, maybe 40 years ago now. 338 00:13:48,847 --> 00:13:51,252 I still think about him every day, though. 339 00:13:51,327 --> 00:13:55,452 Can I ask, are you still a virgin? 340 00:13:55,527 --> 00:13:56,527 Oh, yes, 341 00:13:58,447 --> 00:14:00,299 but only fairly recently. 342 00:14:01,894 --> 00:14:06,332 And when was the last time you washed your wig? 343 00:14:06,407 --> 00:14:07,659 It's not a wig. 344 00:14:09,527 --> 00:14:10,527 Tommy, hey. 345 00:14:16,204 --> 00:14:17,804 So listen, I was just thinking of having 346 00:14:17,805 --> 00:14:18,821 some birthday drinks. 347 00:14:18,845 --> 00:14:20,259 I can't, I'm sorry. 348 00:14:20,334 --> 00:14:21,572 No, it's not tonight. 349 00:14:21,647 --> 00:14:23,032 Sorry, I should have been clearer. 350 00:14:23,107 --> 00:14:25,307 I know you and Jerry got a thing tonight, which is fine. 351 00:14:25,367 --> 00:14:27,932 No, I just mean in general. I probably can't make it. 352 00:14:28,007 --> 00:14:30,452 Well, that's cool. That's cool. 353 00:14:30,527 --> 00:14:31,767 I'm not really flexible anyway. 354 00:14:31,768 --> 00:14:33,612 I'm booked anyway 'cause yeah. 355 00:14:33,687 --> 00:14:34,859 Just let me know. 356 00:14:34,934 --> 00:14:37,099 I am letting you know. 357 00:14:37,174 --> 00:14:38,932 I can't make it. 358 00:14:39,007 --> 00:14:40,590 Well, let's not rule anything out. 359 00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:42,503 I mean it's not for eight months, Tom. 360 00:14:42,527 --> 00:14:44,132 Okay, I want you guys here. 361 00:14:44,207 --> 00:14:47,492 Here, here, here, and here throughout. 362 00:14:47,567 --> 00:14:48,812 Got it? 363 00:14:48,887 --> 00:14:50,270 Also, I'm gonna need you to clear 364 00:14:50,294 --> 00:14:51,934 a little more space over here just in case 365 00:14:51,935 --> 00:14:53,859 I need to do karate. 366 00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,812 I had a bodyguard buddy 367 00:14:55,887 --> 00:14:58,852 who lost his job because there wasn't enough space 368 00:14:58,927 --> 00:15:01,172 for him to do karate at a key moment. 369 00:15:01,247 --> 00:15:02,263 All right, back up a bit. 370 00:15:02,287 --> 00:15:03,637 Little more, little more. 371 00:15:06,181 --> 00:15:08,301 Yeah, another two or three feet, right over there. 372 00:15:08,327 --> 00:15:11,419 So, are there any areas you'd like me to accentuate? 373 00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:12,494 Oh well. 374 00:15:13,407 --> 00:15:15,379 The vicar at church, 375 00:15:15,454 --> 00:15:18,252 he always says that I have lovely cheek bones. 376 00:15:18,327 --> 00:15:20,732 My only worry is that if I bring those out any more, 377 00:15:20,807 --> 00:15:23,252 you're going to look like a skull on a broomstick. 378 00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:24,327 Right. 379 00:15:25,447 --> 00:15:26,447 Cigarette? 380 00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:29,179 Yeah, all right. 381 00:15:44,661 --> 00:15:45,739 Go on ahead. 382 00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,339 I'll have this one. 383 00:15:51,861 --> 00:15:53,379 You got a light? 384 00:15:56,207 --> 00:15:58,317 Are you still lighting your cigarettes? 385 00:15:58,341 --> 00:15:59,579 I just chew mine. 386 00:16:28,774 --> 00:16:29,774 Lips? 387 00:16:29,807 --> 00:16:31,412 Oh, yes please. 388 00:16:31,487 --> 00:16:34,132 I'd really like him to tight up lips. 389 00:16:34,207 --> 00:16:36,132 I'd go for bright pink. 390 00:16:36,207 --> 00:16:37,967 If it's the first time you've seen each other 391 00:16:37,968 --> 00:16:39,366 in a while, 392 00:16:39,407 --> 00:16:41,859 then you want your lips to look like a, 393 00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,412 cat's butt hole. 394 00:16:43,487 --> 00:16:44,487 Oh. 395 00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:49,372 And do lots of men find that attractive? 396 00:16:49,447 --> 00:16:50,652 No. 397 00:16:50,727 --> 00:16:52,452 But, Barnaby will. 398 00:16:52,527 --> 00:16:53,527 Let's start. 399 00:16:54,460 --> 00:16:55,460 Guest list. 400 00:17:00,527 --> 00:17:02,423 No, the whole thing needs to be redone. 401 00:17:02,447 --> 00:17:03,767 If I can't pronounce a last name, 402 00:17:03,768 --> 00:17:04,807 I want them off the list. 403 00:17:04,814 --> 00:17:05,814 Woo, ha, ha. 404 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:08,419 Good. 405 00:17:08,494 --> 00:17:09,494 Good. 406 00:17:12,807 --> 00:17:13,807 Oh wow. 407 00:17:14,807 --> 00:17:16,219 Ow! 408 00:17:16,294 --> 00:17:17,837 Did you do that piercing yourself? 409 00:17:17,861 --> 00:17:18,861 No, 410 00:17:19,821 --> 00:17:21,532 I just slept awkwardly. 411 00:17:21,607 --> 00:17:23,712 I actually see a bit of blood, though. 412 00:17:23,787 --> 00:17:24,812 Are you coming? 413 00:17:24,887 --> 00:17:26,752 Oh no, I think me and Tom are just gonna hang. 414 00:17:26,827 --> 00:17:27,837 Cool. 415 00:17:27,861 --> 00:17:30,132 No, where are you going? 416 00:17:30,207 --> 00:17:31,652 To the Barnaby Bailer thing. 417 00:17:31,727 --> 00:17:33,612 Barnaby Bailer's here? 418 00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:34,932 Politician? 419 00:17:35,007 --> 00:17:37,357 Yeah, I know, what a fucking nickhead. 420 00:17:37,381 --> 00:17:38,757 I should go. 421 00:17:38,781 --> 00:17:40,437 - Be fun. - That's what I meant. 422 00:17:40,461 --> 00:17:41,532 Be fun. 423 00:17:41,607 --> 00:17:42,979 Should go. 424 00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:45,299 I need you in that corner. 425 00:17:47,207 --> 00:17:49,165 - Bailer! - Hi. 426 00:17:49,241 --> 00:17:50,332 Jerry Bernstein, NSA. 427 00:17:50,407 --> 00:17:52,092 We did 9/11 together. 428 00:17:52,167 --> 00:17:53,492 Can I get you a little cupcake? 429 00:17:53,567 --> 00:17:55,539 You fucking maniac? 430 00:17:55,614 --> 00:17:57,732 I'd love a glass of milk, please. 431 00:17:57,807 --> 00:18:00,492 Right, can someone get Barnaby a glass of milk? 432 00:18:00,567 --> 00:18:01,657 Hi, Barnaby. 433 00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,162 Would you mind just taking a quick pic, for our social media? 434 00:18:04,187 --> 00:18:05,187 No, of course not. 435 00:18:05,247 --> 00:18:07,093 - Would you like me in it again? - No, of course not. 436 00:18:07,094 --> 00:18:08,303 You know, let me do this. 437 00:18:08,327 --> 00:18:10,372 I'm really good at wildlife photography. 438 00:18:10,447 --> 00:18:12,252 How do you? Right. 439 00:18:12,327 --> 00:18:13,459 Okay, one, two, 440 00:18:14,814 --> 00:18:16,332 Chris, you may wanna try to smile. 441 00:18:16,407 --> 00:18:18,183 You know just imagine there's been an attack 442 00:18:18,207 --> 00:18:19,219 on U.S. soil. 443 00:18:22,047 --> 00:18:23,359 Still no good. 444 00:18:23,434 --> 00:18:24,823 Why don't we sex this up a little. 445 00:18:24,847 --> 00:18:26,612 Tom, leave that, come here! 446 00:18:26,687 --> 00:18:28,132 Throw your arm around Bailer, yeah. 447 00:18:28,207 --> 00:18:30,367 Oh this is, yeah, this is better right away. 448 00:18:30,414 --> 00:18:31,852 - Here we go. - Sorry Jerry. 449 00:18:31,927 --> 00:18:33,110 Hi, I'm Barnaby Joseph Harry. 450 00:18:33,134 --> 00:18:34,606 I'm not sure if your concerned about 451 00:18:34,607 --> 00:18:35,767 having a natural mouth shape. 452 00:18:35,791 --> 00:18:36,991 But if you say wagamama a lot, 453 00:18:36,992 --> 00:18:39,333 it gives you a very kind of honest look. 454 00:18:39,407 --> 00:18:40,447 Shall we try that? 455 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,332 One, two, three. 456 00:18:42,407 --> 00:18:44,019 Wagamama. 457 00:18:44,094 --> 00:18:45,423 I've actually never been to one. 458 00:18:45,447 --> 00:18:46,452 Oh, it's really great. 459 00:18:46,527 --> 00:18:48,927 The only thing is the food always arrives at different times. 460 00:18:48,928 --> 00:18:50,259 - Why? - No one knows. 461 00:18:50,334 --> 00:18:51,494 Chris, take a look at this. 462 00:18:51,495 --> 00:18:52,580 I think it's terrific. 463 00:18:52,607 --> 00:18:54,139 Evelyn looks rough. 464 00:18:55,247 --> 00:18:56,499 Oh hi, Barnaby. 465 00:18:56,574 --> 00:18:57,732 How are you? 466 00:18:57,807 --> 00:18:59,212 Hi, I'm good, thanks. 467 00:18:59,287 --> 00:19:02,652 Mary Needham, we were at Oxford together. 468 00:19:02,727 --> 00:19:04,099 St. Johns? 469 00:19:04,174 --> 00:19:06,292 Right, are you the one that had a stroke? 470 00:19:06,367 --> 00:19:07,652 Oh gosh, no. 471 00:19:07,727 --> 00:19:09,612 It's just make up. 472 00:19:09,687 --> 00:19:11,619 Right, lovely to see you again. 473 00:19:11,694 --> 00:19:13,572 I'm surprised you even remember me. 474 00:19:13,647 --> 00:19:15,577 I don't remember you. 475 00:19:15,601 --> 00:19:16,612 Okay, shall we start? 476 00:19:16,687 --> 00:19:17,697 - Yes. - Great. 477 00:19:17,721 --> 00:19:20,092 Everyone, we're gonna start. 478 00:19:20,167 --> 00:19:22,063 Just so you know I'm gonna be up top 479 00:19:22,087 --> 00:19:24,339 in case anyone tries to poof! 480 00:19:29,446 --> 00:19:30,606 Did you see where Tom went? 481 00:19:30,607 --> 00:19:31,607 Sh! 482 00:19:37,447 --> 00:19:39,252 Right, well, hello everyone. 483 00:19:39,327 --> 00:19:41,259 Thanks so much for having me. 484 00:19:41,334 --> 00:19:44,492 In an increasingly digital world 485 00:19:44,567 --> 00:19:47,317 cooperation between intelligence agencies 486 00:19:47,341 --> 00:19:48,772 has become vital. 487 00:19:48,847 --> 00:19:53,117 And never has politics played such an important role 488 00:19:53,141 --> 00:19:56,059 in how we view cyber security as a society. 489 00:19:58,727 --> 00:20:01,659 In 1997, I started a very long journey 490 00:20:04,567 --> 00:20:06,412 together with my wife, Samantha. 491 00:20:06,487 --> 00:20:08,252 We moved into Downing Street 492 00:20:08,327 --> 00:20:11,219 with a promise to the people of Britain. 493 00:20:12,261 --> 00:20:14,532 No wait, what, what, what! 494 00:20:17,767 --> 00:20:21,652 Okay, our friends from Greenpeace in? 495 00:20:24,407 --> 00:20:27,179 Sorry, anyways onwards and upwards. 496 00:20:28,327 --> 00:20:30,012 Good. 497 00:20:30,087 --> 00:20:33,412 Either we treat hacking offenses as serious crimes or... 498 00:20:36,207 --> 00:20:39,172 ...or face the consequences of... 499 00:20:39,247 --> 00:20:42,379 Has someone hacked the system? 500 00:20:42,454 --> 00:20:44,174 I expected better than this, to be honest. 501 00:20:46,687 --> 00:20:49,539 Excellent, now it's all over Twitter. 502 00:20:50,681 --> 00:20:52,332 Anyone know who's responsible? 503 00:20:52,407 --> 00:20:53,687 I must say I'm looking forward 504 00:20:53,688 --> 00:20:55,412 to explaining to Rupert which one of us 505 00:20:55,487 --> 00:20:59,572 decided to invite a random hacker into the building. 506 00:20:59,647 --> 00:21:01,412 Go ahead, there's nothing here 507 00:21:01,487 --> 00:21:03,532 that says this was the work of Tom. 508 00:21:03,607 --> 00:21:04,710 Let's get this sorted. 509 00:21:12,586 --> 00:21:13,666 Could be a different Tom. 510 00:21:13,667 --> 00:21:16,372 Oh my God. 511 00:21:16,447 --> 00:21:20,499 ♪ This is Ground Control to Major Tom ♪ 512 00:21:20,574 --> 00:21:25,492 ♪ You've really made the grade ♪ 513 00:21:25,567 --> 00:21:29,517 ♪ And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear ♪ 514 00:21:29,541 --> 00:21:30,812 Wanna go get some T-bones? 515 00:21:30,887 --> 00:21:32,612 Yeah. 516 00:21:32,687 --> 00:21:37,219 ♪ Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare ♪ 517 00:21:48,327 --> 00:21:49,327 Very nice. 518 00:21:50,207 --> 00:21:51,332 Cat bum. 519 00:21:51,407 --> 00:21:52,539 Oh, thank you. 520 00:22:01,127 --> 00:22:03,132 ♪ Hooray hooray hooray ♪ 521 00:22:03,207 --> 00:22:04,812 ♪ Misery is on the way ♪ 522 00:22:04,887 --> 00:22:06,212 ♪ There are bad times ♪ 523 00:22:06,287 --> 00:22:08,612 ♪ Just around the corner ♪ 524 00:22:08,687 --> 00:22:10,052 ♪ There are dark clouds ♪ 525 00:22:10,127 --> 00:22:12,532 ♪ Hurtling through the sky ♪ 526 00:22:12,607 --> 00:22:14,532 ♪ It's as clear as crystal ♪ 527 00:22:14,607 --> 00:22:16,572 ♪ From Bridlington to Bristol ♪ 528 00:22:16,647 --> 00:22:18,532 ♪ That we can't save democracy ♪ 529 00:22:18,607 --> 00:22:20,412 ♪ And we don't much care ♪ 530 00:22:20,487 --> 00:22:22,252 ♪ We better all learn the merits ♪ 531 00:22:22,327 --> 00:22:24,412 ♪ On the old red flag ♪ 532 00:22:24,487 --> 00:22:28,639 ♪ And wait till we drop down dead ♪ 35765

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