Original subtitles

Harry...

Stop banging...

Oi, man!

Stop it!

It's not for...

sale!

Ow!

Urgh!

Oh!

Charlotte!

Charlotte, wake up!

Charlotte, wake up, wake up! What time is it?

They've sold the house!

Urgh!

They've sold the house!

God...!

Did you sleep at all?

We have to stop them selling our house.

How?

We buy it. We haven't got any money, Mum.

Yes, we do. Your dad's business.

But Dad put the house in Gramps' and Gran's name

cos the business was in trouble.

He didn't mean for his parents to own it.

It was a just a massive mistake.

We'll get it back.

Mum, you know you're not good with business-type things. I mean...

Says who? Dad.

Oh, well, he can talk!

And we urgently need some cash to keep us going.

What can we sell?

How does pawning work?

Are we sure we shouldn't just move?

Bury Dad under a lovely tree and start a new life.

Don't set yourself impossible goals, Mum.

Did you get that from your school therapist?

Counsellor.

No, not really. You'll be asking for closure next.

Sorry, darling.

But I'm not giving up our home.

Even if it sends you crazy?

Where's all our money, Harry?

Oh...

Hi, Alice.

Erm, can I hang out here for a bit?

I just feel so...

Oh, Nicola, of course. But I've...

I thought I could handle it, but I...

Oh, I don't know.

I hate death.

It's the worst. It is.

Oh!

Oh, Nicola, I'm so sorry, but I've got so much to do.

But stay. And come round again.

Oh, Charlotte!

It's your Auntie Nicola!

Oh, hello. Oh...

Hi, Charlotte.

Your mum had to shoot off.

I just wanted to be near my brother.

Though he...

died and everything.

It's weird how little I know about you and your mum, really.

Harry sort of kept us apart.

He didn't want a bad apple like me to spoil the whole barrel.

Why do you think you're a bad apple?

There's always one, isn't there?

So, Harry owned this land?

It looks like it.

It's a separate thing in his own name.

Gorgeous. I know!

But was he doing anything with it? That?

Yeah, it's worthless.

Unless you've got goats you need grazing.

Hello, Alice. Hi.

Er, but this says that the land's been re-zoned for development.

Permission was rescinded when the council found it was contaminated

and too expensive to clean up.

How do you know all this? Harry asked me to invest.

But then the contamination problem turned up.

And then what? He died.

Harry was...

Well, you know, he was fun, but he was out of his depth.

Well, I don't agree. Do you, Yasmina?

Well, it looks pretty clean to me.

And the flats are finished. Why aren't they for sale?

I'm still doing a deal with my estate agents.

You know, I can't keep waiting, Tanvi.

I'm living on scraps.

My house is being sold from under me.

Er, I'll sell the flats. No.

I control the sale.

Why? Because I co-own the development.

No.

Harry's estate owns it. Me.

He had to sell me half to secure my loan.

And you aren't his estate, because you weren't married.

I lent him more to finish your home.

That has to be repaid, too.

So...

you won't get much from the sale.

You must hate me, but I protected Harry.

Builders he hadn't paid ransacked here and roughed him up.

Those bruises they found in his postmortem...

I bailed him out, lent you cash, finished the flats,

and offered to finance your house.

What more do you want?

Here are Harry's cards.

That's our daughter.

When she was a baby.

Obviously. - Bless her little face.

She's 16 now.

Not so cute.

Er, I need cash from Harry's account.

I'm afraid, until probate, there's nothing I can do.

But I...

...I don't have any money.

Until probate's granted, our hands are tied.

I know it's upsetting.

Er, there might not be much, but can you tell me what's in the accounts?

No, frustratingly. You don't have a mandate on him.

And until probate's granted, we... - Oh, shut up!

Sorry.

We can deal with an executor.

Are you an executor for the will? - There is no will!

I told you!

Oh, then, that is...

tricky.

But hardly unheard of. I mean, have you made a will?

Yes.

Of course you have.

I am extremely tired.

That's horrible.

What do you do when you can't sleep?

I sleep like a baby.

What, waking up every two or three hours to shit in your pants?

No.

It's Harry's joke.

I've tried everything.

Camomile.

Nobody tells you that it's just lawn.

OK, let's wrap this up.

Er...

Ah, er...

Don't.

Just don't.

They're probably... good people.

I'll be right back, sorry.

Yeah, we'll go and have a look.

Oh, er, hi, Alice.

Erm, I hope it's cool.

We got permission from the owners to view again.

Er, I presume the key code's still the same?

Now, I'm not gonna threaten you with this,

because it's gone way beyond that!

Oh! Argh!

Jesus!

Now, Harry, Harry loved the power hose.

He's lying over there, if you want to go and pay your respects

before you piss off!

OK, look, take it out on me! Take it out on me!

But if you turn that on my buyers... Ooh, "my buyers"!

...I'm going to have to...

Oh, argh!

Fuck off!

You look terrible.

- Can I do something with your hair? - Grief can be very ageing.

It's survivor's guilt, I presume.

Making us try to look dead ourselves.

What's that phrase?

Form...

...is temporary, class is permanent.

You've lost us again.

I just need to sleep.

Have you tried turmeric? - Oh, do be quiet, Roger.

Don't tell him to be quiet. He doesn't mind.

Look, I am desperately short of money.

Can you help?

No, Dad, not a tenner!

We need to survive until probate, whatever that is.

It's all bloody gibberish.

We can't just give you money.

I'll pay you back. Somehow.

Your track record for borrowing money from us isn't encouraging.

That was over 20 years ago.

I was a student.

I had drugs to buy.

We're supposed to think you're joking.

Mum, this is to buy us food, not a chandelier.

Harry's business partner, what was her name?

Didn't she advance you some money? It's gone.

And Tanvi.

And she's not his partner, she just...

helped him finish one project.

What about your little job?

No-one wants to buy a wedding dress

from someone as frayed-looking as Alice.

Right, that's enough.

I need legal advice. Just you and me.

What? But...

...you need me, too.

He'll just mess it up!

How do you put up with it? What, your mother?

Well, it is what it is.

Well, maybe it should be what it isn't.

When are you going to confront her about her affair with Keith?

I've decided I'm not going to.

So...

not marrying or making a will makes this all rather a shambles.

How long will it take to clear it all up?

Six months to a year. It'll go in a flash.

I can't wait that long. Gerry and Minnie are selling the house now.

Well, they're going to have a hefty tax bill, so that's prudent.

Look, I need access to Harry's assets.

And fuck prudent, by the way.

So I can raise at least some cash from a plot of land he's bought.

Even with access, you can't sell anything until you get probate.

I should just give up.

I don't own anything.

I'll just let the house go.

It's good Harry isn't here to see it.

One of many things he won't get to see.

Charlotte as a woman...

festooned in her children.

HS2.

You know, the new train line.

Dad, you're a solicitor, of sorts.

Help.

Or we'll be homeless and we'll end up living here with you and Mum...

and Keith.

Hmm...

What's Harry's business called?

It's Harry's Housing.

He wanted to call it Harry's Erection,

but they wouldn't let him. Cheeky!

Here we go...

Harry's Housing.

What are we looking at? Companies House.

So, owners listed are...

...er, Tanvi Lal.

And...

Oh.

You.

Me?

Yes. But not Harry?

Yes, you own 50%, minus any borrowings.

So, you can keep running the business.

Why did Harry cut me in officially?

Because he loved you.

Or... No, no, that's good. Stop there.

Or/and to spread the ownership, so as to shut out his dodgy lenders.

How do you know this stuff?

'A lot of crap jobs in portacabins hanging around builders.'

Also... I've been digging into Harry's emails.

The land was granted planning.

The survey was clean.

'Then the council changed their mind.'

Why?

They found historical records showing chemical pollution.

But that doesn't make sense, does it?

I knew Harry knew what he was doing.

All right, speak later.

God, no. Er, what did you say?

'Well, the truth.'

Mum treats the police like they're in year six.

You know, pre-teen and out to get her.

'You haven't lived until you've been hassled by the law.

'They wanted to know what I said exactly to...

'Dad...

'just before he died.'

What did you say to him?

'Nothing to make him fall.

'Just, "Please, talk to me."'

Oh. 'You have to imagine,

'my parents are really uptight.

'Standing there was my dad.

'The reason I've always felt like something was missing.'

Shall we try charm? Hmm...

Not really my thing.

You go.

Hello.

Oh, cool top.

Er, can I speak to the planning officer, please?

I'm afraid he's just popping out.

Oh, boss leaving. Go! Boss!

Hello. - Hello.

I'd love a quick chat.

Erm, my husband has just died.

Oh, I'm sorry. - Yeah, you never think it'll happen to you.

Er, so, anyway, I've brought a friend.

Unfortunately, I have to go. But Chelsea can make you an appointment.

No, I need your help with this.

Planning permission was granted,

but then you changed your minds because,

supposedly, it was contaminated.

Well, there you go, then. - How does that work?

And how do we get rid of the contamination?

That is a technical issue.

You'll have to put all this in writing.

No, I just need just a chink of light.

Are you physically cornering me?

Yeah, probably don't do that, Alice.

God, I feel like I'm on three percent charge.

So, what are you gonna do about the flats?

Ignore Tanvi...

and try to sell them, now I can.

Are you sure? Yeah.

One of my few bargaining chips.

Do you want a lift? - No, thanks.

You shouldn't be driving.

Keep the windows open.

I'll be fine.

Always 3:47!

Lights, off.

Welcome to The Insomnia Show.

I've had a death.

What's your excuse?

Turmeric.

Here's hoping.

My house is not for sale, as I believe I've mentioned.

Look, I can make it worth your while.

Er, money or sex?

What? Er, because both are unacceptable.

I've just completed this development.

It's ten luxury flats,

which you can sell if you take my house off the market.

But if it's out of your league, I can go elsewhere.

Look, I... I'd love to handle this sale.

But I can't take your house off the market because it's...

not your house.

Well, just tell my father-in-law that you won't sell it.

Then another firm will. And we've accepted an offer.

That visit was just, you know, to work out

where to put the summerhouse and the hot tub.

Hot tub?!

It's a state-of-the-art house, not a porn shoot!

Well, I'll just keep messing up your viewings.

If they're happy to have a body dug up to buy the house,

they won't give up because you sprayed water at them.

Well, next time, I'll set fire to them.

Now, you tell your buyers that and get rid of them.

Stall new buyers.

Then, when the flats are sold,

I will pay you more than you're getting now

for the house that my darling Harry built.

I've been feeling it.

Harry's up there watching us.

It's a nice thought.

He's like fucking Google Maps.

So... your boss let you work, then?

I begged for a shift.

I need the money.

And I can't put my life on hold forever.

I love this shop.

It's a happy place.

We need more happy places.

Oh!

Can I have a go? I've never vaped a dress before.

Be my guest.

I've been compiling a list of my top-ten Harry moments.

So, whenever I think of him and I'm about to cry,

I just say to myself, "Number six."

What's number six?

The time he turned up for jury duty with half his beard shaved off.

Do you remember? They let him off.

Number one?

When he picked me up from primary school.

I don't know where Mum was, but...

...he was all handsome and...

...I felt really special.

I never asked him for money, but...

he always knew when I was struggling.

No drama, it's just...

rent's due and Harry would have helped out by now.

But, for obvious reasons...

...he hasn't.

And my landlord, well, he's giving it, "Eviction on Friday."

Christ, Nicola!

Sorry.

I couldn't resist it.

You look wonderful.

Will you take a picture, send it to Ed?

It might make him want to propose.

So, erm, can you help with rent money?

No, Nicola.

I have nothing. Oh...

That's a shame.

I'll have to move back in with Mum and Dad.

Maybe it won't fry our brains this time.

Move in with Ed. Oh, God, no!

He lives with his dad and his grandad.

It's like Only Fools And Horses, but not as funny.

Back me up on this, Nicola,

and we might be able to kill two birds with one stone.

You are a piece of work and a half.

What's happened, Dad? The sale of the house has fallen through.

I love greedy estate agents.

She turned a power hose on the buyers.

They've been frightened off. I'm sorry, but...

It's not enough to bury our Harry at the bottom of her garden

like the family bloody dog.

Look, we've been through this.

Please, just delay trying to sell the house.

No.

All right, well, Nicola's about to be evicted.

So, if you give me time to buy the house,

she can move in with me and Charlotte.

How does that help us pay our inheritance tax bill?

It doesn't, ultimately. But it's another reason not to sell up yet.

Why?

Well, because otherwise Nicola will have to move back in here with you.

So, you're using Nicola as a threat? No!

Nicola...

It does feel a bit icky.

Alice, we're there for Charlotte, whenever she needs us.

But Minnie and me don't want to see you any more.

I can't believe you didn't back me up. I'm sorry.

You know Dad, he's got, like, a black belt in intimidation.

Yeah, that's exactly why you should stand up to him.

We should get petrol for your car. Oh, all right, you rob a bank.

In the meantime, we need the exercise.

Yeah, Mum's always encouraging me.

We should go running, build up to a marathon.

No, a boot camp.

Slow down!

Can I still move in with you? I want to get to know you better.

Now Harry's gone, everyone's got to shuffle up closer.

And no word of a lie, Al, I am a total laugh.

It's just you and Char rattling around at your place.

It's not like you'll have another baby.

Well, you never know.

Harry stored some sperm and I might use it.

You can't tell anyone.

No! I won't, but...

Wow!

It's all a bit overwhelming. Yeah.

It's like Jurassic Park.

Go on, how?

Well, creating life from a dead creature.

I'd die to have a baby, but...

I'm sure Ed thinks I'll be a shit mum.

No, he won't.

And you just learn.

You know, I'm still learning.

All clear? Yeah, Tanvi's gone home.

But let's not push our luck. OK.

Right, let's make this quick.

My business partner's hiring her own agents. Er, what?

You didn't mention anything about a joint...

The more you sell, the more you earn. It's called capitalism.

A jaw-dropping new residential opportunity

combining convenience with super style.

Only seconds from high-end retail and food amenities.

Oh...

I could definitely live here.

It's not gonna happen.

The Lost Gardens of Babylon this way.

It smells of glue.

I love glue.

Well done, Harry.

You definitely own all this? Er, yep.

Then I am gonna sell the arse off these flats!

Er, right, bye!

Er, put it on the website, or whatever it is you do. Huge.

I'll liaise about getting a photographer in tomorrow. Great!

Whoo!

Nicola, say nothing.

What about? Anything.

Hello.

Hello, Alice.

Alice, what are you doing here?

Er, I thought I'd show Harry's sister around.

I think you've met Nicola. And you?

Yes, me, too.

Showing my kids. Cheap afternoon out.

Go to Mummy Coochie.

Oh, this one!

Hi, I'm Patti. - Oh, Alice and Nicola.

Cute. I didn't know you had kids, Tanvi.

Nanny?

Wife. I like to keep my personal life separate.

Why are you inviting estate agents round?

I need his cooperation.

And I'm allowed.

I found out that Harry put half the company in my name,

along with you.

So, I'm looking forward to working with you on Monday morning.

Oh, late.

Sorry.

Everything takes so long when you don't have a car!

Hi. Let me make you a tea.

We've walked the length of freakin' Chile.

Oh, and...

...we're doing the marathon. No, we are not doing the marathon.

Great news about your dad's sperm.

You're gonna have a baby sib.

I didn't say that, Nicola.

You're not supposed to know about that. It's a private family matter.

So, er, my dad has drawn up papers

making him and me trustees of your inheritance until you reach 18.

It means we can apply for probate and get access to the accounts.

And he's drawn up a separate document

for George to relinquish his rights.

You've got it all covered, then. - Well...

made a start.

And I may have found a way for us to keep the house.

Dad had a plot of land we can develop and...

I'm not signing anything until I've read it properly.

Very sensible.

I'll just...

Don't you trust me?

Well, you blurt things out, don't you?

I'm... I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have told Nicola.

Little things, like you're gonna have Dad's baby?

Might.

Who knows? After discussing it with you.

Ah, well, hallelujah, someone wants to buy our kitchen.

You can't sell the kitchen!

I just did. It was that or busking.

You know, things will get worse unless you sign that.

And if you're so against another sibling,

why are you cosying up to George?

Because he's my brother, not some fantasy of keeping Dad alive!

You need help, Mum.

Well, help me, then. Rather than sulk at me.

Go to that bereavement group...

and get some perspective on all this.

Don't therapise me!

He was, you know, my soul mate.

I can't imagine myself with another man.

It would feel like a betrayal.

What would he say about that?

I mean, if he were here.

He'd be like, "You go for it, girl!" He didn't talk like that.

Oh, I wasn't doing an impression.

But aren't you crushingly lonely?

Well, you can feel even lonelier if you're with the wrong person.

Anything important?

Sorry.

I think I'd need, like, some sex after a year or two.

Or a month. Sorry.

What have I missed? Tina doesn't want sex ever again.

She didn't say that. I do.

So would my wife, if I'd have died.

She would have been quick out of the blocks.

Me?

Well, you don't have to say anything, but...

...do break into the enchanted circle.

Er...

Well, erm, I agree with Tina.

Sex is the last thing on my mind.

I felt like that at first. It's totally normal.

But now you're ready to rumble, big boy.

You know, you're just a little bit annoying, aren't you?

Can we talk about money?

Someone you love dies

and you think it's gonna be about gut-wrenching absence.

And it is.

But it's just as much about the bloody bank and...

...bureaucracy and stupid missing passwords.

Oh, nightmare! Yes, I had that!

And if you weren't married and they died suddenly without a will

and with secrets and a messed-up business and...

...a family of misfits...

So... money.

Where shall we start? Actually, let's not.

I'm too tired.

Erm, excuse me...

Did you say you were an accountant?

Oh, I'm afraid so.

No, no, it's great. I need one.

Desperately.

And I can't pay. And I'm terrible company.

Erm, well, a bottle of wine and a pizza?

Great!

Thank you.

Erm, can you provide the wine and the pizza?

Yes.

Maybe we should be more like animals

and just walk away from our parents as quickly as we can.

Hmm...

No. - No?

So why are you living at home at your age?

Ouch!

You're so hurtful. No, sorry.

It's temporary.

And free.

And they would kill each other if I wasn't there.

Come on. I'm serious.

I'm the family fire extinguisher.

And just to warn you...

they don't want me to give up my share of any inheritance.

Really? Hmm.

My dad, Frank, especially...

sees it as a kind of payoff after he was humiliated at the inquest.

He wasn't humiliated. He was.

He was publicly exposed, in absentia,

as being the cheated-on husband who can't make kids of his own.

Mum's gonna hate all this. She's not coping well.

I'm worried she'll do something mad.

Like... burying Dad in the garden?

No. But, yeah.

You mustn't tell anyone.

OK.

Mum didn't know, but Dad left some frozen...

Oh, I can't say it. What?

Assets?

Lasagne?

Sperm? Yes, that. For Mum to use.

Jesus... I know. I shouldn't have told you.

Hmm.

It's her choice, but...

...talk about a can of worms.

Do they keep it in a can?

I don't even know what happened.

Whoops!

Oh, hi! We've saved you some pizza.

And this is Graham from the bereavement group.

Hi. Why is he here?

Er, he's an accountant.

Afraid so.

He's helping me with Dad's papers.

And I've bought your kitchen.

He's bought our kitchen!

Now, we mustn't fall out over money...

...or sperm.

I love you so much.

I love you, too. But I don't understand you.

Oh, well...

I don't understand you either.

'Hello? Charlotte?'

Gran, you big techy. - 'Big what?'

Are you all right? - 'Yes.

'My friend Maeve showed me how to do this.

'I thought it was the best way of seeing you

'without your mum and your gramps and me getting all het up.'

Gran...

'Your gramps and I have bought a plot of land.'

To build on, like Dad?

'No, no, no.

'It's a cemetery plot.

'To build just the basement, I suppose.

'We think, if you both see it, then you'll come round to the idea.

'Then everything else will fall into place.

'I mean, otherwise, it's going to get worse and worse.'

Oh...

I slept. Ten hours.

I kept thinking you were dead. Well...

that's the answer, then.

I share your bed.

Until you get a boyfriend, obviously. No sharing then.

No! No, no, no! Sorry.

You're just like Dad.

We will get another kitchen, you know?

It'll be cheap and cheerful, just like us.

Don't you think it's a bit odd that he's buying the kitchen?

Who, Graham? No.

He said he needs an upgrade. Kitchen or wife?

Charlotte!

Well, he obviously fancies you. No, he doesn't!

Do you think? Oh, my God! Yes. And you know he does.

No-one spends 20,000 quid on a kitchen they don't really need.

Oh, I feel awful now. No, Mum, don't.

And I shouldn't be selling Harry's kitchen anyway.

We spent New Year's choosing it.

He went to Finland.

Mum, we need the money more than a bonkers kitchen.

So, what shall we do today, that's free?

Er, fishing? Some simple parkour?

I know you aren't talking to them, but...

it is kind of Gramps and Gran.

Can't be much fun choosing your son's grave.

No.

Right, well, let's be grown-up.

What do you think?

Erm, well, you could say it's nice everyone's together.

All the dead.

Like a very long sleepover. Hmm.

Feels more like a long-stay car park at a really dismal airport.

So, you and Dad never talked about this, er, situation?

No.

We had better things to do.

I don't like it.

Neither do I.

And nor would Dad. Come on.

So...

Harry's staying where he is and so are we.

Good.

Ooh, I like that one! Is it a turkey?

No, I think it's an angel.

Oh, yeah, that would make more sense.

I don't understand a word of it.

Are you sure Grandad knows what he's doing?

No, frankly.

But he is providing his services for free.

I think you're giving me the right to act for you.

Oh... yes!

Oh!

He's moving us out.

He can't do it.

It's a five-grand down payment.

Let's make it last.

This isn't gonna make Gramps any happier when he finds out.

Well, he started it.

We need to tell them we don't want to move Dad

to that plot in the gated community.

We need a little bit more of a drum roll.

Yay!

A toast.

To the house that Harry built. The house that Harry built.

The house that Harry built.

I'll buy it back when we can afford it, Harry.

It's your house and business.

I'm just taking care of it.

I'm the new you.

Harry bought the land relatively cheap.

With planning granted, he would have made a big killing.

We need to learn how planning works at the council.

Yeah. It's totally Kafkaesque.

Whose fancy car is that outside?

Hello. Hi.

I'm coming in later. Me, too.

Thanks, but I don't need you any more, Yasmina.

Really?

There goes the spa weekend.

I've thought about it and this won't work with you and me, Alice.

Well, is there a choice? Yes.

You may not know this, but Harry and I go way back.

No, I didn't know that.

So, I want to do the right thing by you and your lovely daughter.

She could be a model, couldn't she? Hmm, no.

We were thinking welder.

I know how to sell property. You don't.

If you harass the council like that again,

they're more likely to dig Harry up.

I can solve all your problems with one simple deal.

What?

I'll buy all of Harry's business assets from you,

including the greenfield land, for two million.

But you said the land was worthless. It is.

But in the long run, with maybe years of cajoling from me,

the council may grant planning permission.

Or not. I'll take that risk.

No-one else will.

That's enough money to pay off your in-laws and keep your house.

But the land's worth so much more if it's developed.

Or nothing if it isn't.

But... I feel connected with that land.

You know, it was obviously Harry's escape route.

It's his secret garden.

Let me focus your mind.

Accept my deal or you'll be saying goodbye to your home.

Are you all right? Well, not really.

So, her deal...

...how brave are you feeling?

Really?

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