Original subtitles

Edd: BRBRBRBRB, YEAH!

[ RINGING ] Eddy: IT'S MINE!

GIVE ME MY DOUGHNUT!

I SAW IT FIRST!

Edd: EDDY, CALM DOWN.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE ONLY ENCOURAGING HIM.

OH, EDDY, NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE.

AHH!

Ed: YIKES!

Edd: GOODNESS GRACIOUS!

HAVE YOU TWO NO RESPECT FOR THE SANCTUM OF SCHOOL PROPERTY?

HONESTLY, I -- Eddy: [ GRUNTING ]

Edd: OOH, UM, I WITHDRAW MY LAST STATEMENT.

NO HARM DONE, YES?

Eddy: WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE?

Edd: NOTHING.

RIGHT-O.

LET'S SAY WE MAKE OUR WAY TO...

Eddy: SCHOOL DANCE? TONIGHT?

HOW'D WE MISS THIS?

Edd: ISN'T IT A SHAME?

WHY, IF ONLY WE HAD KNOWN SOONER.

OH, WELL.

THERE'S ALWAYS NEXT YEAR.

Eddy: ONLY LOSERS STAY HOME ON A SCHOOL-DANCE NIGHT, AND WE

AIN'T LOSERS.

RIGHT, ED?

SURE, RIGHT, EDDY.

[ AIR BLOWING ] Eddy: CHECK THIS OUT.

Edd: "WIN A DATE WITH EDDY.

SIGN UP HERE"?

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUSLY THINKING OF GOING TO THIS?

DO YOU REALIZE THAT IT'S CUSTOMARY FOR A BOY TO ASK A

GIRL TO ATTEND?

I'D RATHER DATE A FROG, BALDY!

Jonny: WHAT DO YOU MEAN, I SHOULD HAVE ATE A BREATH MINT,

PLANK?

[ CRASH ] Eddy: ASK IS FOR CHUMPS,

DOUBLE D.

MY BROTHER TOLD ME REALLY COOL GUYS RIDE SOLO SO THEY AIN'T

STUCK WITH THE SAME CHICK ALL NIGHT.

COME ON, I GOT SOMETHING THAT'LL KNOCK YOUR SOCKS OFF.

Ed: MISSED TOO MANY LAUNDRY DAYS FOR THAT, EDDY.

MY SOCKS AND ME ARE AS ONE.

Edd: GOOD LORD!

STINKY, STINKY, STINKY!

[ CRASHING ] Eddy: WAIT TILL YOU SEE THIS!

Edd: "DAMES, DATES & YOU"?

Eddy: IT'S GOT EVERYTHING A GUY NEEDS TO KNOW ABOUT CHARMING

THE TOMATOES.

MY BRO SAYS SO.

Ed: JUST CALL ME "CHARMIN' MARVIN."

Edd: UM, A TAD DATED, DON'T YOU THINK, EDDY?

Ed: "AND SO, STEP NUMBER ONE -- SEND THAT SWINGING

CHICK TO CLOUD NINE."

Eddy: HANDS OFF MY BROTHER'S BOOK, ED.

Edd: WELL, I BEST FLY, GENTLEMEN.

IT SO HAPPENS THERE'S A DOCUMENTARY ON SLIPPERS

THROUGH THE AGES AIRING ON TELEVISION TONIGHT.

SHOULD BE ENLIGHTENING.

Eddy: WE'RE RENDEZVOUSING, GOT IT?

GO ON.

MY MOM'S GOT A SEWING MANNEQUIN WE CAN PRACTICE ON.

HANDS OFF MY BROTHER'S BOOK!

NICE WORK, LUMPY.

ONE SWINGING CHICK...

CHECK.

Edd: OH, WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?

IT'S TIME TO...STARCH MOTHER'S TEA COZY.

YES, PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME.

Eddy: READY, SOCKHEAD?

ASK HER.

[ RECORD SCRATCHES ] SHE'S WAITING.

Ed: SQUISH THE TOMATO, DOUBLE D.

♪ DREAMING OF ANOTHER LOVER JUST WILL NOT DO ♪

♪ HONEY, I'M JUST HERE FOR YOU ♪ DARLING, ALL FOR YOUR KISS

♪ OH, WHAT BLISS ♪ I COULD REMINISCE

Edd: UGH!

I CAN'T BEAR THE REJECTION!

Eddy: WHAT A BABY.

Ed: MY TURN!

[ LAUGHS ] PARDON ME, MISS.

I'M CHARMIN' MARVIN, AND THIS IS MY LITTLE FRIEND SHELDON...

UM, JUNIOR.

Eddy: ED, YOU IDIOT!

GIRLS DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR STUPID CHEESE.

TALK ABOUT EVERYDAY STUFF -- YOU KNOW, COLOGNE, CASH...

ME.

Ed: ME? LIKE MOVIES?

SO, HAVE YOU PARTAKETH IN WATCHING "ATTACK OF THE 50-FOOT

TV TRAY"?

MY FAVORITE SCENE WAS WHEN THE ANGRY TV TRAY SPEWED FORTH AND

RAMPAGED THE CITY...

KIND OF LIKE THIS.

"I AM A GIANT TV TRAY!

YOUR CITY IS DONE FOR, PUNY HUMANS WITH HANDSOME HAIRDOS!"

AHHHH!

Edd: PLEASE, THIS SCHOOL DANCE IS DESTINED TO BE YET

ANOTHER DEJECTED, DISTURBING DECREMENT IN OUR ADOLESCENT

LIVES!

Eddy: GET OVER IT.

THIS BOOK'S GONNA MAKE US THE SULTANS OF SWAGGER, THE

POOH-BAHS OF PIZZAZZ.

HURRY UP, ED!

THERE'S TWO CHAPTERS HERE ON COOL, HAPPENING THREADS.

I GOT A TON OF THEM.

Ed: THREADS?

[ ROCK-'N'-ROLL MUSIC PLAYS ] Jimmy: [ LAUGHS ]

I'M A DANCING FOOL, SARAH!

Ed: ROLF BROUGHT WILFRED TO THE DANCE.

LUCKY FELLOW.

Eddy: YEAH, YEAH, JUST REMEMBER LIKE THE BOOK SAYS.

US EDS AIN'T CHASING ANY CHICKS.

GOT IT?

Edd: EDDY, THERE'S STILL TIME TO RECONSIDER BEFORE WE VENTURE

FORTH INTO THE TRAUMATIC AWKWARDNESS OF PUBESCENT

PROMENADING.

ROLF'S RIBS TICKLE, AS A ONE-LEGGED MULE COULD FANCY FOOT

BETTER THAN THESE TWO-LEGGED NINCOMPOOPS, YES, WILFRED?

[ LAUGHING ] ROLF'S SUIT OF SILICONE WILL

REPEL THAT THAT.

Eddy: IT'S LIKE PICKING APPLES OUT OF A TREE.

GO ON, CUT A RUG.

[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YOU GO, GIRL.

[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: YOU GO, GIRL.

Ed: BALLOONS ARE SO FUN.

[ LAUGHING ] [ BOWLING PINS CRASH ]

Eddy: YEAH, I BETTER GO WASH OFF SOME OF THIS AFTERSHAVE.

IT'S DRIVING THE DAMES CRAZY.

[ ROOSTER CROWS ] Edd: "EXIT"?

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK -- [ GONGS CRASH ]

SARAH, I WAS JUST...

OH, I'M SORRY.

HI, DOUBLE D.

IS THERE SOMETHING YOU'D LIKE TO ASK ME?

Edd: OH, MY.

Kevin: I'M GOING IN, MAN!

Rolf: CASANOVA KEVIN BOY, YES?

Nazz: HI, KEV.

Kevin: HEY, NAZZ.

DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE.

Nazz: HEY, WANT TO DANCE WITH ME?

Kevin: PUNCH, GOT IT.

BE RIGHT BACK.

YEP.

Rolf: BACKBONE BRUISED?

COURAGE CRUSHED?

SPIRIT SQUASHED?

Kevin: YEAH, WHATEVER.

Edd: KEVIN, PARDON MY INTRUSION, BUT WOULD YOU HAPPEN

TO KNOW A BACK WAY OUT OF THIS?

OH, MAY I?

[ SONAR PINGING ] Kevin: WHOA!

I ALMOST DRANK DORK-AID!

I'M GONNA HEAVE.

Eddy: SMOOTH MOVE, SOCKHEAD.

WHERE IN THE BOOK DOES IT SAY TO BLOW YOUR BUDDY'S COVER?

Edd: I ASSURE YOU, ONLY AFTER THE CHAPTER ABOUT ABANDONING

YOUR FRIEND IN HIS TIME OF NEED.

Eddy: AH, SHUT IT AND HELP ME OUT OF THIS THING.

Kevin: THEY RAN OUT OF PUNCH, BUT CHECK THIS OUT.

Nazz: WAY TO BUST A MOVE, DOUBLE D.

LET'S TWIST.

Eddy: HEY, THAT'S MY MOVE HE BUSTED.

HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO BE HERE.

LIKE THIS, DOUBLE D.

LET'S BOOGIE.

WHEE!

Eddy: HA!

WAY TO GET BURNED, SHOVEL HEAD.

Lee: YOU GONNA LET THAT HUSSY STEAL YOUR MAN, MARIE?

Marie: GET UP, SHORTY!

WE'RE DANCING.

QUICK, HE'S LOOKING.

MAKE LIKE AN OCTOPUS AND SUCK FACE.

Ed: WILFRED SURE HAS SOME FANCY FOOTWORK, DON'T HE?

Rolf: YOU HAVE BROKEN THE CUSTOMARY LAWS OF ROLF'S

TRADITIONS.

YOU MUST FIRST ASK PERMISSION IF YOU SHIMMY-SHAKE THE SWINE.

HAVE YOU NO SHAME?

May: MINE!

Lee: GET YOUR CLAWS OFF MY MAN, MARIE.

May: HOW ABOUT YOU GET YOUR CLAWS OFF MY MAN, BOYFRIEND

STEALER?

Nazz: AHHH!

Jimmy: AHHHH!

Eddy: FASTER, ED!

THAT STUNK!

I'M DONE WITH DAMES.

WHO CAN FIGURE THEM?

Ed: WHOA!

NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!

Edd: SEEMS I DID LEARN SOMETHING FROM YOUR BOOK, EDDY.

AFTER ALL, I DID GET TO DANCE WITH NAZZ.

Edd: AND I GOT WILFRED'S PHONE NUMBER, GUYS.

Eddy: YOU'RE AN IDIOT, ED.

Sarah: COME ON, JIMMY!

Nazz: LET 'EM HAVE IT, DUDES!

Jimmy: SNOWBALL AMBUSH!

Rolf: KAPLOWIE!

Kevin: GOT THAT RIGHT.

WINTER LOOKS GOOD ON HIM.

[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: WINTER SCARES ME.

Sarah: WINTERTIME'S FUN.

LOOK, JIMMY, I'M MAKING A SNOW ANGEL.

[ ED LAUGHING ] Eddy: TWO INCHES OF SNOW

AIN'T EVEN ENOUGH TO CANCEL SCHOOL.

Eddy: OH, COME, NOW, EDDY.

WINTER'S A TIME TO REFLECT ON NATURE'S BEAUTY.

WHY, LOOK AROUND YOU.

IT'S SO PURE...

SO INSPIRING.

Ed: GUYS, LOOK.

Eddy: WHOA!

[ CRASH ] Ed: SMOKE!

I AM HIBACHI MAN.

BOW BEFORE MY BREATH OF CHARCOAL DOOM!

Edd: A FORMIDABLE FOE, ED, I'M SURE.

BUT YOUR SMOKE IS NOTHING MORE THAN...

Ed: HIBACHI MAN, DOUBLE D.

[ COUGHS ] Edd: VERY WELL, THEN.

PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MATCH, HIBACHI MAN.

YOU WILL NEVER CHARBROIL THE DENIZENS OF THIS DIMENSION.

Ed: [ LAUGHING ] BE GONE, CELERY STALK OF

JUSTICE.

[ LAUGHTER ] Jimmy: OKAY, I GET IT NOW,

SARAH.

I PULLED MY FUNNY BONE, SARAH.

OWIE!

Ed: HIBACHI MAN MAKES HIS DARING ESCAPE.

THE BARBECUE BELLY SLIDE!

Sarah: ED, YOU IDIOT!

[ CRASH ] YOU LUGHEAD.

LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO JIMMY!

Eddy: [ LAUGHS ] YOU'RE A LAUGH AND A HALF, ED.

Edd: GOODNESS.

YOU REALLY SHOULD EXERCISE MORE CAUTION, ED.

Ed: THAT'LL MAKE MY THIGHS BURN, DOUBLE D.

Sarah: [ GROWLS ] HYAH!

Edd: IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD ADDRESS THE TRUE REALITY OF

WINTERTIME HAZARDS, WE WOULD ALL BE MUCH MORE --

Eddy: NOT THAT AGAIN.

NOBODY WANTED TO HEAR ABOUT IT LAST YEAR OR THE ONE BEFORE

THAT.

AND NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR STUPID SAFETY CLUB IDEA

THIS YEAR.

Jimmy: SAFETY CLUB?

NO MORE WINTER OWIES?

Eddy: BETTER MAKE A WILL, ED.

Edd: I BELIEVE THAT IF A FEW THOUGHTFUL SAFETY GUIDELINES

WERE SET INTO PLAY, WINTER WOULD BE A MUCH SAFER TIME OF YEAR FOR

ALL.

Jimmy: TELL ME MORE, DOUBLE D.

[ BELL RINGS ] Eddy: CHECK IT OUT, DOUBLE D.

NOTHING SAYS WINTERTIME FUN LIKE SCORING A COUPLE LUNCH TRAYS

FROM THE CAF AND SLIDING DOWN A HILL, HUH?

Ed: LUNCH TRAYS ARE THE TRANSPORTATION OF TOMORROW,

DOUBLE D.

Eddy: COME ON.

WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

Edd: I'LL TAKE THAT, THANK YOU.

LUNCH TRAYS ARE NOT INTENDED FOR RECREATIONAL USE AND COULD VERY

WELL PROVE HAZARDOUS.

DEPUTY?

I HAVE A MUCH MORE REWARDING ACTIVITY THAT THE TWO OF YOU

WILL FIND ABSOLUTELY INVIGORATING.

Ed: UP, DOWN.

UP, DOWN.

UP, DOWN.

UP, DOWN.

UP, DOWN. UP, DOWN.

Eddy: IDIOT.

Ed: UP, DOWN.

[ BELL CLANGS ] Edd: SAFETY CADETS, LET'S

PATROL.

Ed: [ GROWLING ] Jimmy: ISN'T THIS EXCITING?

Eddy: YEAH, LIKE A FAUCET LEAK.

Ed: [ LAUGHS ] Edd: THINGS ARE LOOKING UP,

DEPUTY.

NAZZ AND SARAH ARE ENJOYING A SAFE WINTER --

GOOD LORD!

DEPUTY, I FEAR WE HAVE A BREACH.

CODE 62B-SLIPDROP.

GRAB HOLD AND REMAIN STEADFAST, LADIES.

THIN ICE ON LARGE BODIES OF WATER IS RISKY BUSINESS WITH

GRAVE RESULTS.

[ GROANING ] NO THANKS ARE NECESSARY.

ALL PART OF THE PEACH CREEK JUNIOR HIGH SAFETY CLUB'S DAILY

DILIGENCE.

MAY WE SUGGEST SNOWFLAKE SPOTTING AS A SAFER AND MUCH

MORE EDUCATIONAL ALTERNATIVE TO ICE SKATING?

Eddy: ONLY 25 CENTS.

Edd: WHAT?

NEVER YOU MIND EDDY, LADIES.

THE SAFETY CLUB IS FREE OF FEE.

Sarah: WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?

Jimmy: WAIT.

PLEASE COME BACK.

Jonny: QUIT LAUGHING AT ME, PLANK.

Edd: DEPUTY?

Jonny: I TOLD YOU I WOULDN'T MAKE A GOOD SNOWMAN, SO THERE!

Edd: JONNY, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?

ARE YOU AWARE OF HYPOTHERMIA?

IT'S A CAT-AND-MOUSE GAME WHEN YOUR BODY TEMPERATURE'S AT RISK.

Ed: ICE. [ LAUGHS ] FUN.

Edd: THAT SHOULD MAINTAIN A SAFE CORE TEMPERATURE.

Jimmy: IMPLEMENTED AND AWAITING --

Ed: I'LL IMPLEMENT, TOO.

HELLO, JONNY.

Edd: AH, YES.

UM, ADMIRABLE ENTHUSIASM, ED.

COULD YOU PLEASE FETCH MY THERMOS OF NICE, HOT SOUP FROM

THE SAFETY-CLUB CHEST?

THANK YOU.

Eddy: [ GRUNTING ] Edd: VERY GOOD, ED.

Jimmy: [ Mimicking Edd ] VERY GOOD, ED.

Kevin: RIGHT SIDE ON THE SCHOOL SIDE.

HUCK 'EM HIGH, MAN.

KEVIN!

Kevin: WHAT?

Edd: THE SAFETY CLUB HIGHLY RECOMMENDS YOU WEAR A HELMET

WHEN EXECUTING SUCH EXTREME ACTIVITY.

Eddy: HA!

BOX HEAD DON'T NEED NO HELMET.

HE'S ALREADY DEAD FROM THE NECK UP.

Kevin: OH, YEAH?

HOW ABOUT I BOX YOUR HEAD...

DORKY?!

[ MOTOR REVS ] [ HORN HONKS ]

Eddy: OVER HERE.

Ed: [ PANTING ] Jimmy: DOUBLE D, THIS ISN'T

WORKING.

ED AND EDDY ARE RUINING EVERYTHING.

Edd: NOW, JIMMY, LET'S REMAIN POSITIVE.

I'M SURE THERE'S SOME WAY WE CAN CHANNEL THEIR HEEDLESS

DISPOSITIONS.

Jimmy: YOU BETTER NOT DROP THAT.

Eddy: WHAT IS IT?

Ed: A POOP DECK?

Edd: NOT QUITE, ED.

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL SAFETY CLUB DEICING MACHINE.

USING THE SALT OFF OF DISCARDED CAFETERIA PRETZELS...

WE CAN RENDER TREACHEROUS, ICY FOOTPATHS SAFE.

Ed: SALT IS LIKE MAGIC.

Edd: NOW, I'M SURE I CAN TRUST YOU AND ED TO ONLY SPREAD

SALT ON THE ICY FOOTPATHS, YES?

Eddy: YEAH, YEAH.

NO MORE FOOLING AROUND, RIGHT, ED?

[ LAUGHING ] Edd: EXCELLENT TECHNIQUE,

JIMMY, BUT THE SAFETY CLUB GUIDEBOOK SPECIFIES A

COUNTERCLOCKWISE TURN.

Jimmy: CLEARLY A MISPRINT, AS A CLOCKWISE TURN IS BY FAR

SUPERIOR -- Eddy: WHO'S UP FOR A BLAST OF

EDDY'S SNOCONE CANYON?

PICK A FLAVOR.

SHIVERS UP YOUR BACK, ALL FOR ONE MEASLY QUARTER.

Ed: LOADING HER UP, EDDY.

Edd: YOU TURNED SCHOOL-SANCTIONED EQUIPMENT INTO

A FLIMFLAM?

I PUT MY TRUST IN YOU TWO.

Eddy: WHAT'S WINTER WITHOUT A SNOW JOB, HUH, SOCKHEAD?

GET IT? SNOW JOB?

Edd: YES, WELL, THAT WAS CLEVER.

SNOW JOB -- Jimmy: ENOUGH! ENOUGH, I SAY!

THIS CLUB IS A FARCE.

I WAS A FOOL TO BELIEVE YOU THREE BOYS COULD ENFORCE SAFETY

IN THE SCHOOLYARD.

I KNOW WHAT THIS SCHOOL NEEDS PROTECTING FROM, AND MY CLUB

WILL SUCCEED WHERE THIS PEANUT GALLERY FAILED.

Ed: YUM! PEANUTS! YUM!

Eddy: FASTER, ED.

LICK IT! LICK IT!

I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

[ BELL RINGS ] Kevin: HA HA!

IT'S DORKS ON ICE.

RIGHT ON.

Rolf: YES, ROLF FINALLY FEELS SAFE ENOUGH TO APPEAR IN THIS

EPISODE.

Jonny: THE "OWIE GO KAPOWIE" CLUB'S FIRST TASK IS A SUCCESS.

THESE COMPLIMENTARY HELMETS WILL KEEP YOUR HAIR SAFE FROM THE

FRIZZIFYING EFFECTS OF THE WINTER SNOW.

Kevin: I'M OUT OF HERE.

Jonny: OH, POOH.

Sarah: COME ON, JIMMY.

LET'S GO GET SOME COCOA AT MY HOUSE BEFORE ANYONE ELSE SEES ME

IN THIS THING.

Nazz: I'VE HAD COCOA BEFORE.

Eddy: IRONIC, ISN'T IT -- US BEING SINGLED OUT AS THE

LIABILITIES?

Eddy: [ MUMBLING ] MY TONGUE'S STUCK TO THE STUPID

ICE, AND I GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

Ed: DO NOT FEAR, EDDY.

HIBACHI MAN IS HERE.

RIGHT, DOUBLE D?

Edd: YES.

RELEASE THIS TONGUE-TROUBLED CITIZEN WITH YOUR BLAST-FURNACE

BREATH, HIBACHI MAN.

Eddy: WAIT.

WAIT A MINUTE, ED!

Ed: [ EXHALING ] Eddy: HEY!

I DON'T GOT TO GO ANYMORE.