Original subtitles

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]

>> BBBBBB-YEAH.

>> HEY, GUYS, WAKE UP!

YOO-HOO!

WHAT ARE YOU, BLIND?

I'M RED-HOT, BABY!

RIGHT HERE!

PICK ME!

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

THE LIGHT DON'T GET ANY GREENER.

EDDY GOING ONCE.

EDDY GOING TWICE.

SOLD TO THE GUY WITH-- >> HIS SHRIEKS RIP THROUGH ROLF

LIKE NANA'S CABBAGE STEW!

CONTINUE, YES?

>> RIGHT.

NAZZ, YOU'RE ON MY TEAM.

>> AWESOME!

>> VERY WELL, THEN.

ROLF CHOOSES THE STRENGTH OF PEN LICKY BUCKETS, ED BOY.

>> AH, KICKING THE BUCKET, GUYS.

>> YO, JONNY, YOU'RE WITH ME.

>> MAMA'S GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT!

>> AH-HA!

YOU GOTTA PICK ME NOW.

>> ROLF CHOOSES THE WOOD, YES?

>> OH, COME ON!

IT'S A HUNK OF WOOD FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!

[WHISTLE BLOWING] >> MY BALL!

>> OVER HERE, KEV!

>> ED, BOY.

CATCH ME FLYING SPHERE!

>> I GOT HIM COVERED, GUYS.

>> NICE CATCH, MONOBROW.

>> DID WE WIN?

>> YEAH, MISS DORK WORLD.

>> DAD WILL BE SO PROUD.

>> DID YOU SEE PLANK OUT THERE?

WHAT A MIND.

>> HA!

SHOULDA, COULDA, WOULDA IF YOU'D PICKED MOI.

SHOULDA, COULDA, WOULDA IF YOU'D PICKED MOI.

WHAT'S WITH YOU?

>> BRACE YOURSELVES, GENTLEMEN, FOR I HAVE BEEN ELECTED BY THE

JOURNALIST CLUB TO ACT AS THE NEW EDITOR OF THE "PEACH TREE

JUNIOR HIGH TATTLER."

OH, I KNOW.

I WAS SPEECHLESS, AS WELL.

PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO ASSIST ME IN THIS GOOD CAUSE?

>> GET REAL!

I'D RATHER WEAR ED'S UNDERWEAR FOR A WEEK.

>> NOT TODAY, EDDY.

I'M FLYING SOLO.

>> HOW 'BOUT YOU, ED?

ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THAT FIRST STEP INTO THE EXCITING WORLD OF

JOURNALISM?

>> AS LONG AS I DON'T GET ANY ON MY SHOES, DOUBLE D.

MY MOM HAS GOT NEW CARPET.

[BELL RINGING] >> THAT'S THE SPRIT, ED.

I'LL SUPPLY YOU WITH THE NEWSPAPERS AND THE COLLECTION

BOX.

>> STOP THE PRESSES!

COLLECTION?

LIKE IS CASH?

WHERE DO I SIGN, OLD PAL OF MINE?

WHERE DO I SIGN, OLD PAL OF MINE?

WHERE DO I SIGN, OLD PAL OF MINE?

[BUZZING] >> EXTRA!

EXTRA!

KIDS PELT ED WHEN CAN'T SELL SCHOOL PAPERS.

NOT A ONE.

>> JIMMY MAKES SHORTCAKE?

I WOULDN'T LINE A BIRDCAGE WITH THIS BUNK.

>> I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW JIMMY'S SHORTCAKES ARE THE BEST I'VE--

>> WHERE'S THE SCANDAL?

THAT'S WHAT SELLS PAPERS.

>> YEP.

BECAUSE SANDALS ARE BAKED FRESH DAILY, DOUBLE D.

>> IGNORE HIM.

JUST STICK TO THE SCRIPT.

>> FINE.

I'LL BE THE FIRST TO ADMIT THE LAST FEW EDITIONS HAVE BEEN

SOMEWHAT LACKING.

BUT THAT'S ALL ABOUT TO CHANGE, EDDY.

MY SOURCES TELL ME THAT THE KNITTING CLUB IS ATTEMPTING TO

DARN THE WORLD'S LARGEST DOILY!

>> WOW!

THAT'S LIKE THE SCOOP OF A LIFETIME, DOUBLE D!

YOU BETTER WHOOP IT ON OVER THERE BEFORE THEIR ARTERIES

HARDEN.

>> ARTERIES?

TOUCH THE ARTERY!

TOUCH THE ARTERY!

>> SAY CHEESE.

FORGET HIM!

COME ON, LUMPY!

WE'RE GONNA TURN THIS RAG INTO A WORLD-CLASS MONEY MACHINE!

ANYWAY...

>> THERE'S PAPER UP.

THERE'S PAPER UP.

THERE'S PAPER UP.

THERE'S PAPER UP.

OH, LOOK, IT'S ME!

IT SAYS, "MINIATURE MUTANT ALIENS HAVE COLONIZED ED'S HEAD

AND ARE MINING BUBBLEGUM FROM HIS SKULL!"

OH.

THIS BUBBA BOPPLE SURE IS A SMART GUY.

>> THAT'S BOBBY BLABBY, IDIOT.

THE TABLOID REPORTER EXTRAORDINAIRE.

YEP.

I GOT THE DIRTIES DISHES THIS SIDE OF...

DIRTY DISHDOM.

LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT HERE.

FORK BOY CREATED.

I GOT TOMORROW'S HEADLINE, EDD!

FORK-BOY CREATED IN COOKING CLASS.

MEATBALL'S JABBED AS TEACHERS RUN FOR NAPKINS.

I LIKE THAT.

YOU STILL HERE?

GET OUT THERE AND MAKE ME SOME CASH, PAPER BOY.

>> I'M ALREADY GOING, BABY BUBBA.

>> THAT'S BOBBY BLABBY!

>> MY FICKLE FINGERS JUST AREN'T FORCEFUL ENOUGH, SARAH.

DO YOU HEAR THEM, SARAH?

IT'S THE VIENNA BOYS CHOIR.

THEY'RE SINGING.

>> EXTRA, EXTRA!

NAZZ KICKED OFF CHEERLEADING SQUAD.

>> WHAT?!

LET ME SEE THAT.

>> OH, BOBBY BLABBY SAYS HEAD CHEERLEADER NAZZ WAS LET GO FOR

REFUSING TO SHAVE HER LEGS.

>> 25 CENTS, PLEASE.

>> HEY!

"ED'S BABY SISTER PART OF A SECRET CHIMP FOGHORN RACE."

>> BOY, JUST WHEN YOU THINK YOU KNOW SOMEONE.

[CRYING] >> SARAH?

>> DON'T LOOK AT ME!

>> SARAH, THEY'RE SINGING AGAIN.

>> ROLF BEGS OF YOU, WILFRED.

YOU MUST WALK ON 2 FEET, YES?

LIKE ROLF.

GOOD, WILFRED.

VERY GOOD.

HELLO, TEACHER.

ROLF IS READY TO TAKE THE TEST.

[SQUEALING] >> PAPER, MISTER?

ONLY A QUARTER.

>> JONNY 2 X 4 FORAGED INTO HIS NOSTRIL AND FOUND THE LOST CITY

OF ATLANTIS YESTERDAY.

>> HEY, ROLF.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT KEVIN HAVING THE WORLD'S BIGGEST COLLECTION

OF SPANDEX BIKE SHORTS UNDER HIS MATTRESS?

>> ROLF SEES NO CITY.

ONLY DARKNESS AND SESAME SEEDS.

>> SOME PAL YOU ARE, MAN.

YOU PLAYED ME FOR A PATSY.

>> ROLF KNEW NOTHING OF YOUR ELASTIC SHORTS LEISURE DELIGHTS.

>> SAY WHAT?

DIDN'T YOU TELL BOBBY BLABBY THAT YOU WANT TO BULLDOZE MY

HOUSE TO BUILD A REST HOME FOR YOUR NANA?

>> WHAT BARBARIAN WOULD ALLOW?

THEY'RE NEVER TO REST!

>> I'LL TALK.

I'LL TALK!

SHE'S IN THERE.

>> I KNOW IT WAS YOU THAT WENT TO BOBBY BLABBY WITH THAT HAIRY

LEG STORY, MONKEY FACE.

>> WHAT YOU CALL ME?

[SCREAMING] >> NICE TRY.

>> KNOCK HER BUTT INTO NEXT WEEK, SARAH.

>> SAYS HERE YOUR BUTT WAS KNOCKED 2 THURSDAYS FROM NOW BY

THE GIRL'S CURLING CLUB.

>> LIES, LIES, ALL LIES!

>> I AM PROUD TO INTRODUCE THIS BOBBY BLABBY TO ROLF'S FIST OF

PUNCTUALITY!

>> HEY, GET IN LINE!

IF ANYBODY'S HAVING THE LAST LAUGH, I'M HAVING IT FIRST.

>> COUNT ME AND PLANK OUT.

WE REALLY LIKE THIS RAG.

>> EXTRA, EXTRA!

WE'RE SWIMMING IN THE PRESS POOL.

>> LOOK AT ALL THIS MOOLAH.

JUST THINK, ED, WE'LL DOUBLE IT.

NO, TRIPLE IT WITH THESE STORIES I JUST MADE UP.

>> WELL THAT LEAD LED NOWHERE.

SEEMS THERE IS NO KNITTING CLUB.

LACK OF INTEREST.

>> FORGET THE KNITTING CLUB.

CHECK OUT THE DOUGH I RAKED IN.

>> I RAKED, TOO.

>> MY WORD!

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU, GENTLEMEN.

THE CONFERENCE OF THE STUDENT FUND WILL BE GREATLY ENRICHED BY

THIS WEEK'S TURNOVER.

>> STUDENT FUND?

>> WHY, YES.

THE SCHOOL PAPER IS A NON-PROFIT ORGANIZING.

ALL PROCEEDS DUE TO THE SCHOOL.

>> LIKE HECK THEY ARE.

THE MONEY'S MINE!

>> WHO'S THIS BOBBY BLABBY GUY?

>> HELLO, LOYAL READER.

>> BETTER SPILL THE BEANS MR. EDITOR, OR YOU'RE PAPER

PULP.

>> I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

>> WHO WROTE THIS STUFF?

>> MINIATURE ALIENS?

HAIRY LEGS?

LOST CITIES AND SPANDEX BICYCLE SHORTS?

WHO INDEED IS BOBBY BLABBY?

EDDY, CARE TO EXPLAIN?

>> WHAT?

COULDN'T TELL YOU.

SOUNDS LIKE A JERK.

>> YOU DROPPED YOUR LOOT, BABY BOO-BOO.

>> IT'S BOBBY BLABBY!

GET IT RIGHT!

OOPS.

>> BOBBY BLABBY WAS A FAKE BUDDY!

IT SAYS, "THE KNITTING CLUB FINALLY FORMED WITH ONLY ONE

MEMBER."

>> EXTRA, EXTRA!

EDDY FORCED TO KNIT WORLD'S LARGEST DOILY!

>> MR. EDDY, ANY POINTERS TO SHARE WITH OUR READERS

ON YOUR NEWFOUND EXTRA CURRICULAR MORTIFICATION?

>> GET LOST.

>> EDDY DEMANDS DESOLATION AS HE DOTES ON DISTINGUISHED DOILY.

SOUNDS LIKE A FRONT-PAGER.

>> SMELLS LIKE A BACK-PAGER.

>> I HATE DOILIES!

>> I HATE DOILIES!

>> I HATE DOILIES!

>> GEE, NICE HEAD, ED.

>> HA HA.

>> ED!

THAT ISN'T THE CORRECT WAY TO USE THE SCHOOL BLOOD PRESSURE

GAUGE.

>> COME ON!

I'M STARVING.

KNOCK YOURSELF OUT HELPING THE SCHOOL NURSE, SOCK HEAD, BUT

IT'S WHOPPER WEINER WEDNESDAY IN THE CAF.

>> WHOPPER WEINER WEDNESDAY, DOUBLE D!

[BELL RINGING] >> OH, VERY WELL, THEN.

I SUPPOSE SOME NOURISHMENT WOULD BE--

WAIT.

JUST A QUICK CATEGORIZATION OF THESE COTTON SWABS, AND...

[SCREAMING] >> 100 FREE THROWS IN A ROW!

>> YAY!

>> YOUR PLANK'S HERO, KEVIN!

>> IF YOU SAY SO.

>> WOWZERS!

>> OVER HERE, KEVIN.

>> OH, MAN.

>> GET INTO IT, WILL YOU?

>> WHAT, LIKE THIS?

HEY, MAN, WHAT GIVES?

>> ROLF HONORS KEVIN WITH A POSTERIOR PUNT OF PRAISE.

>> RAH, KEVIN!

[CHANTING "KEVIN."] >> TICK-TOCK.

TICK-TOCK.

TICK-- >> LOOK AT THOSE SAPS!

IT'S LIKE THEY WORSHIP HIM.

[CHEERING] >> EDDY, A POOR SELF-IMAGE HAS

HE THAT ENVIES HIS FELLOW MAN'S ACCOLADES.

>> FORGET ACAPULCO.

WHAT MAKES STUPID KEVIN SO SPECIAL?

>> I BET KEVIN CAN'T DO THIS.

OUCH.

>> AAH!

>> OH, DEAR.

DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG IT TOOK ME TO--

TO ARRANGE IN ALPHA-NUMERICAL ORDER THOSE CONFIDENTIAL STUDENT

MEDICAL FILES?

ED, DO YOU?

>> WAS IT LONGER THAN A BREAD BOX?

>> HEY, LISTEN TO THIS.

IT SAYS HERE OLD SHOVEL CHIN CAB IS SCARED OF NEEDLES!

>> EDDY, NO!

YOU CAN'T READ THIS.

THAT'S KEVIN'S PERSONAL FILE.

THE LEVEL OF PHOBIA, OR AS YOU SO ELOQUENTLY PUT IT, "SCARED OF

NEEDLES" IS QUITE COMMONPLACE, EDDY.

UM...

>> WIENIE TOAST, SARAH!

LOOK, IT'S HIM!

[CHEERING] >> HE'S SO DEXTEROUS.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME KETCHUP, KEVIN?

>> AFTER YOU, AMIGO.

>> I'M THE LUCKIEST BOY IN THE WORLD!

>> YAY!

>> HELLO, STUDENTS.

>> WELL, IF IT AIN'T FLORENCE DORKENDALE AND NURSE

TWERPENSTEIN.

[LAUGHING] >> OH, LAUGH IT UP.

NURSE ASSISTANT ED, IT SEEMS ONE OF OUR STUDENTS HAS YET TO GET

HIS VACCINATION.

LUCKY FOR HIM, TODAY'S BOOSTER SHOT DAY.

>> HAND THEM THE LEAFLET, LUMPY.

>> WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

IT AIN'T BOOSTER SHOT DAY, IS IT?

>> TELL THEM TO LINE UP IN THE GYM, BONEHEAD.

DID I DO GOOD, EDDY?

>> SHUT UP, STUPID.

>> THAT'S MY LINE, EDDY.

>> HEY, ROLF, THAT WEINER LOOKS DANGEROUSLY HOT.

LET'S POKE IT JUST TO MAKE SURE.

>> KEVIN FAINTED!

>> DUDE, ARE YOU OK?

>> HUH?

WHAT?

UH...

SEE WHAT?

OH, THE COACH.

YEAH, CALLING ME.

GOTTA GO.

RIGHT.

SEE YOU.

>> SO MUCH FOR MR. HOT-SHOT JOCK-BOY.

TOUGH GUY'S CHICKEN OF A LOUSY LITTLE NEEDLE.

[LAUGHING] TOO RICH.

>> NEEDLE?

RUN AWAY!

EVIL POINTY BAD FOR US, EDDY!

>> RELAX, ED.

YOU'RE NOT GETTING A NEEDLE.

NOBODY IS.

IT'S A JOKE.

GET IT?

ON KEVIN?

>> NOT FUNNY, EDDY.

DING DING!

ROUND 2.

ROUND 2.

>> OK.

CHILL.

IT'S NO BIG DEAL, DUDE.

IT'S JUST A DUMB NEEDLE.

[SCREAMING] OH, MAN.

THAT'S GONNA BE ME!

>> WE BETTER STERILIZE THESE SHARP NEEDLES, ED.

>> SAY, THEY'RE BIG, MONOBROW.

[LAUGHING] >> NEEDLE BRAIN!

OUCH!

[LAUGHING] >> COME ON, ED.

MAN, I'M GOOD.

[LAUGHING] [BELL RINGING]

>> FINALLY.

TIDIED, ORGANIZED, AND FILED.

NOW, TO RETURN THIS-- >> ME AND PLANK ARE NEXT, NURSE

ASSISTANT DOUBLE D.

>> GOOD LORD, JONNY.

MAKE YOURSELF DECENT, MAN!

>> MOM, LIKE I LOVE YOU, OK?

LIKE JUST IN CASE-- >> I HEARD THOSE THINGS COULD

PUT A HOLE THROUGH A TRACK TIRE, JIMMY!

>> OWIE, SARAH.

>> WEIRD.

>> DOUBLED EDD, BOY.

ROLF BEGS YOU.

TAKE THIS TO YOUR PROPER SPECIES, PLACE YOU ON A BOAT,

AND MAKE GREAT WITH YOUR PAIN-FILLED POKE.

>> WHAT HAS GOTTEN INTO EVERYONE?

WHAT'S THIS?

BOOSTER SHOT DAY?

TODAY?

>> OH, KEVIN.

>> THERE HE IS!

BE A GOOD BOY, AND I'LL GIVE YOU A LOLLIPOP!

>> AH HA!

STICK OUT YOUR ARM, YOU BIG BABY.

>> NO WAY.

BACK OFF, MAN!

>> WHO'S THE BIG SHOT NOW, HUH?

GET IT?

BIG SHOT?

HA HA!

I'M TOO GOOD.

[LAUGHING] >> PARDON ME, EDDY.

BUT THERE SEEMS TO BE A TAD OF CONFUSION ON THIS BOOSTER SHOT

DAY.

I HAVE NO SCHEDULED VACCINATIONS ON ROSTER FOR TODAY.

>> WHAT?

>> WELL, IT'S WRONG!

[LAUGHING] HERE IT COMES!

[LAUGHING] >> HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, MISTER!

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN YOU'D EXPLOIT POOR KEVIN'S PHOBIA FOR

YOUR DEPRAVED SELF-GRATIFICATION.

>> GOOD BUTTOCK FINDS ITS OWN BENCH, EDDY.

>> WHY THE WHOLE SCHOOL IS IN AN UPROAR AT YOUR INSIDIOUS PRANK.

>> AAH!

LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT POKER!

IT'S AFTER ME.

AAH!

[SCREAMING] >> OH, IS IT GONNA HURT!

>> WATCH THIS!

IT'LL KILL YOU, DOUBLE D.

[LAUGHING] [LAUGHING]

>> THAT WAS REAL FUNNY, DORKY.

SO I GUESS IT'S MY TURN, RIGHT?

KISS YOUR FACE GOOD-BYE, LOSER.

>> WAIT, USE ED'S FACE.

HE DOESN'T NEED IT.

>> FORE!

>> WAIT!

WAIT, DOUBLE D.

GIVE HIM ONE OF THOSE HEALTH PAMPHLETS OR WHATEVER YOU DO.

>> MOVE IT OR LOSE IT, DOUBLE D.

>> IF I MAY, I THINK I HAVE A SOLUTION MUCH MORE FITTING THAN

THE CLICHE ACT OF CARTOON BARBARISM.

[WHISPERING] [LAUGHING]

>> OH, NOT FAIR.

>> SIT.

[BELL RINGING] >> THE NURSE IS READY FOR YOU,

KEVIN.

>> GOOD.

THIS AIN'T A BAD READ.

>> YOU COULD TAKE NOTES TO FULLY BENEFIT FROM THE INFORMATION.

IT'S SO, UM...

>> DON'T PUSH IT.

>> UH, YES.

OF COURSE.

>> HEY, LET ME GO!

UNTIE ME!

>> I FOUND HIM IN THE SCIENCE CUPBOARD PRETENDING TO BE A

STUFFED BEAVER, DOUBLE D.

>> THE NURSE THANKS YOU, EDDY.

>> OH, YEAH?

WHAT FOR?

>> FOR HELPING KEVIN CONQUER HIS FEAR OF NEEDLES BY LETTING HIM

WITNESS THE SAFE AND EASY ADMINISTRATION OF A REAL BOOSTER

SHOT.

>> OH, NO YOU DON'T!

NOT ME!

>> WORRY NOT, LITTLE MAN, 'CAUSE YOU GET TO HAVE A LOLLIPOP

AFTER.

>> MOMMY!

>> SWEET.

>> LET'S--NO, DON'T DO IT!

I'M TOO YOUNG!

>> NEEDLE!

UH-OH.

>> I HATE NEEDLES!

[LAUGHING] [CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY

TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP] [CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL

CAPTIONING INSTITUTE --www.ncicap.org--]

>> ED, EDD, N' EDDY!

>> BBBBBB-YEAH.