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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,303 --> 00:00:03,443 >> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT 2 00:00:03,437 --> 00:00:04,707 HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY 3 00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,065 FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION 4 00:00:06,074 --> 00:00:06,544 PROGRAM... 5 00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:07,540 >> Susan: MOVE THEM TO 6 00:00:07,541 --> 00:00:08,381 NEW YORK CITY... 7 00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:09,606 >> David: AND GIVE THEM THEIR 8 00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:10,480 OWN REALITY SHOW? 9 00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:11,908 >> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO 10 00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,275 >> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON 11 00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:14,181 "DELOCATED"... 12 00:00:14,182 --> 00:00:15,822 WHY ELSE WOULD I PUT MY FAMILY 13 00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:17,249 ON CAMERA TO RISK THEM BEING 14 00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,951 MURDERED IF I WASN'T IN A SWEET 15 00:00:18,952 --> 00:00:19,292 LOFT? 16 00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:20,917 >> YOU SHOULD DO A REALITY SHOW 17 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:21,391 ABOUT ME. 18 00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:22,289 I AM A COMEDIAN. 19 00:00:22,290 --> 00:00:24,160 HELLO, EVERYONE, AND WELCOME TO 20 00:00:24,158 --> 00:00:24,958 "YVGENY!" 21 00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:26,328 AND NOW I GET READY FOR 22 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:28,257 "SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE" AUDITION. 23 00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,502 [ APPLAUSE ] 24 00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:33,167 [ GLASS CLINKS ] 25 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:37,570 >> Jon: "NIGHT MOVES," 26 00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:38,411 BOB SEGER. 27 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:38,906 >> MM. 28 00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:39,966 >> Jon: PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT? 29 00:00:39,973 --> 00:00:41,143 >> YEAH, THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. 30 00:00:41,142 --> 00:00:42,542 LISTEN, JON, THE REASON I CALLED 31 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,013 YOU IN HERE TODAY WAS TO TALK 32 00:00:44,011 --> 00:00:45,281 ABOUT A FEW THINGS ABOUT THE 33 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:45,979 SHOW. 34 00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:46,849 >> Jon: MM. 35 00:00:46,847 --> 00:00:48,347 >> "DELOCATED!" WAS PITCHED AS 36 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:51,049 [CLICKS TONGUE] A RATINGS STUNT 37 00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,121 FOR SWEEPS WEEK. 38 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:53,850 WE NEVER THOUGHT IT WOULD GO 39 00:00:53,854 --> 00:00:54,424 THIS FAR. 40 00:00:54,422 --> 00:00:56,222 MAYBE A COUPLE OF WEEKS AT THE 41 00:00:56,224 --> 00:00:58,094 MOST, AND THEN WE THOUGHT YOU'D 42 00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:58,862 BE MURDERED. 43 00:00:58,859 --> 00:00:59,589 >> Jon: [ SCOFFS ] 44 00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,233 >> I'M PSYCHED THAT YOU'RE STILL 45 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,559 ALIVE, BUT WE WERE NEVER 46 00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,574 BUDGETED TO GO THIS LONG. 47 00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,096 ANY-HOOZIES, I'M GONNA HAVE TO 48 00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:10,101 REVOKE YOUR NETWORK CREDIT CARD. 49 00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:11,874 >> Jon: UNBELIEVABLE! 50 00:01:11,872 --> 00:01:14,142 >> AND I'M GONNA NEED THE KEYS 51 00:01:14,142 --> 00:01:15,042 TO YOUR JAGUAR. 52 00:01:15,042 --> 00:01:16,482 >> Jon: I DON'T HAVE A JAGUAR. 53 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:17,977 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 54 00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,248 >> THEY DIDN'T GIVE YOU A 55 00:01:19,247 --> 00:01:19,877 JAGUAR? 56 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:20,410 >> Jon: NO. 57 00:01:20,414 --> 00:01:21,384 >> THAT'S [BLEEP] 58 00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:22,882 YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A 59 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:24,523 JAGUAR. 60 00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:29,224 >> WHAT IS THIS? 61 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:31,563 >> David: 2X+6. 62 00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:35,059 >> Jon: [ Sighing ] OH, BOY. 63 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:43,137 [ SIGHS ] OH, BOY. 64 00:01:43,137 --> 00:01:44,937 [ SIGHS ] 65 00:01:44,938 --> 00:01:46,938 [ SIGHING ] 66 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,080 [ EXHALES SHARPLY ] 67 00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:57,391 [ SIGHS ] 68 00:01:57,385 --> 00:01:59,045 OH, GOD. 69 00:01:59,052 --> 00:02:01,122 >> IS, UH... 70 00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,491 IS EVERYTHING OKAY OVER THERE? 71 00:02:03,491 --> 00:02:04,931 >> Jon: YEAH. 72 00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,355 JUST SOAKING IT ALL IN -- EVERY 73 00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:08,931 LAST DROP OF THIS PLACE. 74 00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:09,659 >> OKAY, JON. 75 00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,433 DO YOU WANT TO TELL US WHAT'S 76 00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:12,172 GOING ON? 77 00:02:12,166 --> 00:02:13,626 >> Jon: THE NETWORK HAS MADE 78 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,444 SOME PRETTY SERIOUS BUDGET CUTS 79 00:02:15,436 --> 00:02:17,136 TO ALL THEIR SHOWS, INCLUDING 80 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:20,137 MINE, AND, UH...STARTING IN A 81 00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,310 MONTH, THEY WILL NOT BE PAYING 82 00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:23,680 MY RENT ANYMORE. 83 00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:25,107 >> OH, MY GOD. 84 00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,052 >> David: WOW. 85 00:02:26,046 --> 00:02:27,376 SO WHAT ABOUT ME AND MOM? 86 00:02:27,381 --> 00:02:28,581 >> Jon: I DON'T KNOW. 87 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,282 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK MOM. 88 00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:31,624 >> David: [ SIGHS ] 89 00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,519 >> Jon: IN ANY CASE, WE'RE GONNA 90 00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,421 HAVE TO REALLY TIGHTEN OUR BELTS 91 00:02:35,423 --> 00:02:36,423 AROUND HERE. 92 00:02:36,424 --> 00:02:38,134 YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS HAD A B&B 93 00:02:38,125 --> 00:02:39,585 WHEN I WAS A KID, AND IF THEY 94 00:02:39,593 --> 00:02:41,233 CAN MAKE IT WORK, THEN SO CAN 95 00:02:41,229 --> 00:02:41,999 WE, RIGHT? 96 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,325 >> JON, I HAD NO IDEA YOUR 97 00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:44,401 PARENTS HAD A B&B. 98 00:02:44,398 --> 00:02:45,268 >> Jon: YEAH. 99 00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:47,436 I WORKED THERE TILL I WAS 10. 100 00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:48,595 WORKED MY ASS OFF. 101 00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,372 >> OKAY, NOBODY'S SAYING YOU 102 00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,371 DIDN'T SO... 103 00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:54,113 LISTEN, HOW ABOUT THIS? 104 00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:56,137 WHY DON'T WE COME UP WITH WAYS 105 00:02:56,143 --> 00:02:58,483 TO BUDGET? 106 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:01,009 >> Jon: THAT IS A GOOD IDEA. 107 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:01,624 BOOM. 108 00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:03,575 THAT IS WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO. 109 00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:29,182 OKAY, GUYS. 110 00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:30,636 I THINK WE ARE DOING A VERY GOOD 111 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,184 JOB WITH THIS BUDGET, BUT WE 112 00:03:32,179 --> 00:03:33,549 NEED TO DO A FEW MORE THINGS. 113 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,377 ONE OF WHICH, ROB, NO MORE 114 00:03:35,383 --> 00:03:37,223 NUMBER TWOS FOR YOU IN THE 115 00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:37,687 APARTMENT. 116 00:03:37,685 --> 00:03:38,415 >> EXCUSE ME? 117 00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,719 WHERE AM I SUPPOSED TO GO TO THE 118 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:40,350 BATHROOM? 119 00:03:40,354 --> 00:03:41,694 >> Jon: NOT UP FOR DISCUSSION AT 120 00:03:41,689 --> 00:03:42,159 ALL. 121 00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:42,715 FIGURE IT OUT. 122 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:44,123 GO TO THE DELI OR SOMETHING. 123 00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:45,334 ALL RIGHT, WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 124 00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:46,526 >> HOW ABOUT WE GET RID OF THE 125 00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,027 CABLE? 126 00:03:47,027 --> 00:03:48,257 WE, LIKE, HARDLY EVER WATCH TV. 127 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,262 >> Jon: ABSOLUTELY NOT. 128 00:03:49,263 --> 00:03:50,463 THAT'S WHERE I GET MY HOOPS AND 129 00:03:50,464 --> 00:03:51,504 MY HOCKS. 130 00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,669 >> David: WHAT'S "HOCKS"? 131 00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:55,467 >> Jon: HOCKS -- HOCKEY. 132 00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,469 I WISH I COULD SAVE MONEY ON 133 00:03:57,471 --> 00:03:58,471 ABBREVIATIONS. 134 00:03:58,472 --> 00:04:00,272 I'D SAVE A TUSH-LOAD OF CASH 135 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,514 WITH SOME WELL-PLACED "BREEVS." 136 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,210 THEY'RE GONNA STOP PAYING RENT 137 00:04:04,211 --> 00:04:05,751 IN TWO WEEKS, AND I GUESS NOW WE 138 00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,446 GOT TO FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU AND 139 00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:08,748 DAVID ARE GONNA DO. 140 00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:10,249 >> Susan: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 141 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,590 >> Jon: I MEAN, I DON'T SEE HOW 142 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,815 YOU CAN POSSIBLY AFFORD THIS 143 00:04:12,820 --> 00:04:13,490 PLACE. 144 00:04:13,487 --> 00:04:15,187 >> Susan: I DON'T PAY RENT. 145 00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:17,118 >> Jon: YOU DON'T PAY RENT HERE? 146 00:04:17,124 --> 00:04:17,594 >> NO. 147 00:04:17,591 --> 00:04:19,231 >> Jon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 148 00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:21,086 >> Susan: WHAT DO YOU ME-- THE 149 00:04:21,094 --> 00:04:22,334 NETWORK PAID FOR IT. 150 00:04:22,330 --> 00:04:23,460 >> Jon: EXCUSE ME? 151 00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:25,374 >> AND I GOT IT IN THE DIVORCE. 152 00:04:25,366 --> 00:04:26,796 I ALSO GOT THE JAGUAR. 153 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,670 DIDN'T YOU GO OVER THIS WITH 154 00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:29,699 YOUR LAWYER? 155 00:04:29,703 --> 00:04:31,643 >> Jon: HOW -- HOW IS IT THAT 156 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:33,539 I'M THE ONLY "BUDGE VIC" IN THIS 157 00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:34,411 WHOLE THING? 158 00:04:34,408 --> 00:04:36,108 >> Susan: WHAT'S -- WHAT IS 159 00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:36,639 "BUDGE VIC"? 160 00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,154 >> Jon: BUDGE VIC -- A BUDGET 161 00:04:38,145 --> 00:04:38,505 VICTIM. 162 00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:39,552 >> Susan: OH, OH, OH. 163 00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:40,777 >> Jon: NO ONE ELSE LIKES TO 164 00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:42,281 PULL A GOOD BREEV AROUND HERE? 165 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,352 >> Susan: OH, HE DOES. 166 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,451 HE'S REALLY GOOD AT IT, 167 00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:45,092 ACTUALLY. 168 00:04:45,085 --> 00:04:46,285 >> I DO DO THAT SOMETIMES. 169 00:04:46,286 --> 00:04:47,556 "KITCH" -- I'VE SAID "KITCH," 170 00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:48,185 ACTUALLY. 171 00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:49,518 >> Susan: HE CALLED ME "SUZE." 172 00:04:49,523 --> 00:04:50,863 >> YEAH, SUZE. I CALL HER SUZE. 173 00:04:50,858 --> 00:04:53,188 SHE LIKES WHEN I BREEV. 174 00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:56,732 >> 'SUP, BUDDY? HOW YOU DOING? 175 00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,630 WHAT DID YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME 176 00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,272 ABOUT? 177 00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,096 >> I DON'T WANT TO DO JUST MY 178 00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:01,571 SHOW. 179 00:05:01,569 --> 00:05:03,769 I WANT TO DO OTHER ACTING, OTHER 180 00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:05,411 ROLES ON THE NETWORK. 181 00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:06,236 >> OKAY. 182 00:05:06,239 --> 00:05:08,409 >> WHEN I WAS KID, I DID LOTS OF 183 00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,239 THEATER. 184 00:05:09,242 --> 00:05:11,242 I PLAYED GREAT RUSSIAN TRAIN 185 00:05:11,244 --> 00:05:15,124 ROBBER IGOR PACHENKO. 186 00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,415 I AM IGOR PACHENKO, THE GREAT 187 00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,288 RUSSIAN TRAIN ROBBER! 188 00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:22,416 BE CALM, OR I WILL MURDER YOU! 189 00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:26,333 SEE? 190 00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,326 I WANT TO BE TAKEN AS SERIOUS 191 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:29,759 ACTOR. 192 00:05:29,763 --> 00:05:31,373 >> HELL YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE 193 00:05:31,365 --> 00:05:32,695 TAKEN AS A SERIOUS ACTOR. 194 00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:34,400 AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU KNOW 195 00:05:34,402 --> 00:05:34,802 WHAT? 196 00:05:34,802 --> 00:05:36,602 I JUST PITCHED YOU TO BE THE NEW 197 00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:37,614 LEAD IN "JEWISH GHOST." 198 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:39,135 YEAH. 199 00:05:39,139 --> 00:05:40,269 YOU LOST. MM. 200 00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,783 YEAH, SECOND CHOICE. 201 00:05:41,775 --> 00:05:44,135 BUT YOU'RE IN THE GAME, DUDE, 202 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:44,514 HUH? 203 00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:45,782 LOOK, I GOT TO ROLL. 204 00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,749 I'M ON TWO OTHER CALLS, BUT GOOD 205 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:49,518 MEETING, ALL RIGHT, FELLAS? 206 00:05:49,517 --> 00:05:51,277 HEY, PETE, YOU STILL THERE? 207 00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,154 [BLEEP] YOU, DUDE. 208 00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,793 [ LAUGHS ] 209 00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,594 >> LET'S RESET. 210 00:05:58,592 --> 00:05:59,532 >> Jon: IT'S HARD. 211 00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:00,827 I MEAN, YOU EXPECT ME TO JUST 212 00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:01,828 GET A JOB LIKE THAT? 213 00:06:01,829 --> 00:06:03,229 IT'S IMPOSSIBLE. I CAN'T -- 214 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:03,900 >> I UNDERSTAND. 215 00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:04,767 BUT LOOK, BUDDY. 216 00:06:04,765 --> 00:06:06,265 I'M TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING I 217 00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:06,796 CAN FOR YOU. 218 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,340 I MEAN, I GOT YOU THIS PART ON 219 00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:09,665 "JEWISH GHOST," AND I WAS ABLE 220 00:06:09,670 --> 00:06:11,200 TO HIRE DAVID AS MY ASSISTANT. 221 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,474 >> David: HEY, JON, THEY'RE 222 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:13,513 READY FOR YOU ON SET. 223 00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,807 >> Jon: TRY "DAD," ALL RIGHT? 224 00:06:14,808 --> 00:06:16,378 >> David: I'M JUST TRYING TO BE 225 00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:17,176 PROFESSIONAL. 226 00:06:17,177 --> 00:06:19,677 UH, RIGHT THIS WAY, PLEASE. 227 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,350 >> Jon: YOU CAN BE PROFESSIONAL 228 00:06:21,348 --> 00:06:22,878 AND ALSO CALL ME DAD AT THE SAME 229 00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,253 TIME, OKAY? 230 00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:25,421 >> PICTURE'S UP. 231 00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,919 >> Jon: [ SIGHS ] 232 00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:29,861 >> ALL RIGHT, ROLL SOUND. 233 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:31,257 >> SOUND SPEED. 234 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,928 >> AND...ACTION. 235 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:36,626 [ EERIE MUSIC PLAYS ] 236 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:41,330 >> [ Echoing ] O-O-O-O-O-O-Y. 237 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,304 >> Jon: [ SCREAMS ] 238 00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:44,913 >> O-O-O-O-O-O-Y! 239 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,935 >> JEWISH GHOST, NO! 240 00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,480 >> AND CUT! 241 00:06:48,476 --> 00:06:50,336 OH, THAT WAS -- 242 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,713 THAT WAS AWESOME. NICE JOB. 243 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:53,976 >> THAT FEEL GOOD? 244 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:54,921 >> SO GOOD. 245 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,475 >> David: I AM IN AWE. 246 00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:57,517 >> IT FELT REAL. 247 00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,648 THAT ONE FELT REAL. 248 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,822 >> THAT WAS TERRIFIC. 249 00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:00,850 >> THAT WAS GOOD. 250 00:07:00,854 --> 00:07:02,464 >> THANKS, MAN. THANK YOU. 251 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,456 >> THAT WAS REALLY GOOD. 252 00:07:04,458 --> 00:07:06,758 >> [ WHISPERING ] 253 00:07:09,463 --> 00:07:13,803 >> David: [ SCOFFS ] OKAY. 254 00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,841 HEY, MAN. SO, REALLY GREAT. 255 00:07:15,836 --> 00:07:17,336 REALLY GREAT JOB. 256 00:07:17,337 --> 00:07:18,907 UM, I THINK WE GOT IT. 257 00:07:18,906 --> 00:07:20,606 >> Jon: OH, REALLY? 258 00:07:20,608 --> 00:07:22,308 OH, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, COOL, 259 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,309 TOTES. 260 00:07:23,310 --> 00:07:24,550 BUT, UH, YOU DON'T -- Y-YOU 261 00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:25,745 DON'T NEED ANY MORE TAKES? 262 00:07:25,746 --> 00:07:27,306 >> David: YEAH, NO. WE'RE GOOD. 263 00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,624 UM, ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW, THERE'S 264 00:07:28,616 --> 00:07:29,916 SOMETHING ELSE WE WERE TALKING 265 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,687 ABOUT MAYBE YOU COULD DO. 266 00:07:31,685 --> 00:07:32,885 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. 267 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,686 DO SOME WILD LINES, RIGHT? 268 00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:36,758 MAYBE ME AND THE WOLF MAN LAY IT 269 00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:37,757 DOWN. 270 00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:38,758 >> HEY, MAN! 271 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:40,029 DON'T CALL ME THAT. 272 00:07:40,027 --> 00:07:41,357 >> David: UH, NO. 273 00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:43,261 I WAS ACTUALLY MORE THINKING, 274 00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,803 UM, YOU COULD, LIKE, MOP THE 275 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:46,668 FLOORS, LIKE, FOR REAL, AND, YOU 276 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:50,837 KNOW, THEY'LL PAY YOU, SO... 277 00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,368 >> Jon: OH. 278 00:07:53,373 --> 00:07:54,843 THIS IS WORSE THAN I THOUGHT IT 279 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:55,642 WAS GONNA BE. 280 00:07:55,643 --> 00:07:57,343 I-I GOT TO THINK OF MORE WAYS TO 281 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,354 CUT BACK. 282 00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:00,806 >> WELL, MY FRIEND OFFERED TO 283 00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:02,584 LET ME TEACH AT HER YOGA RETREAT 284 00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,923 THAT'S COMING UP. 285 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,517 I MEAN, I'LL BE GONE FOR A FEW 286 00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:06,989 WEEKS, BUT IT'LL PROBABLY HELP. 287 00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:08,687 >> Jon: THAT'S A LONG TIME, BUT, 288 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:10,019 I MEAN, IN THE END, IT'LL BE 289 00:08:10,023 --> 00:08:10,723 WORTH IT. 290 00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,434 WE CAN GO BACK TO THAT EXPENSIVE 291 00:08:12,425 --> 00:08:14,285 BONE LUBE WE LIKE. 292 00:08:14,294 --> 00:08:15,464 MAYBE I SHOULD CANCEL MY GYM 293 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,562 'SHIP. 294 00:08:16,564 --> 00:08:18,404 >> YOUR WHAT? 295 00:08:18,398 --> 00:08:19,598 >> Jon: GYM MEMBERSHIP. 296 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,670 GOD, YOU KNOW WHAT? 297 00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,298 IT'S NO FUN ABBREVIATING IF NO 298 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,302 ONE ELSE DOES IT. 299 00:08:24,304 --> 00:08:25,674 >> GOT TO TELL YOU, I DON'T KNOW 300 00:08:25,673 --> 00:08:26,973 WHY ANYBODY WOULD PAY FOR A GYM 301 00:08:26,974 --> 00:08:28,444 WHEN THERE'S A GREAT PLACE TO 302 00:08:28,441 --> 00:08:30,511 WORK OUT FOR ABSOLUTELY FREE, 24 303 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,510 HOURS A DAY, WITH LOCATIONS ALL 304 00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:33,452 OVER THE CITY. 305 00:08:33,446 --> 00:08:34,646 >> Jon: WHERE'S THAT? 306 00:08:34,648 --> 00:08:37,818 >> [ SCOFFS ] 307 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,818 RIGHT HERE. 308 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,350 >> Jon: RIGHT WHERE? 309 00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,524 >> THE STREET. 310 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,693 CHECK THIS OUT. LOOK AT THIS. 311 00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:47,733 EVERY CONSTRUCTION SITE PROVIDES 312 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:49,658 YOU WITH YOUR OWN FREE CHIN-UP 313 00:08:49,663 --> 00:08:50,663 BAR. 314 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:52,374 [ GRUNTS ] 315 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,365 ABSOLUTELY FREE. 316 00:08:54,367 --> 00:08:55,697 [ GRUNTS ] 317 00:08:55,703 --> 00:08:57,073 LOOK AT THIS -- YOU GOT MILES OF 318 00:08:57,070 --> 00:08:57,840 JOGGING TRACK. 319 00:08:57,838 --> 00:08:59,368 WHY DON'T YOU GO RUN ACROSS THE 320 00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:00,012 BROOKLYN BRIDGE? 321 00:09:00,007 --> 00:09:01,537 YOU'LL GET A HELL OF A WORKOUT, 322 00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:03,411 AND THEN AFTERWARDS... 323 00:09:03,410 --> 00:09:05,080 YOU CAN WARM DOWN WITH A NICE 324 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,608 LITTLE STREET STRETCH. 325 00:09:06,614 --> 00:09:07,484 [ GRUNTS ] 326 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,120 AND HERE'S THE KICKER -- THE 327 00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,046 WHOLE THING COST ME ABSOLUTELY 328 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:11,891 NOTHING. 329 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,345 >> Jon: [ LAUGHS ] 330 00:09:13,353 --> 00:09:14,523 STREET STRETCH! 331 00:09:14,521 --> 00:09:16,891 I THINK YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING. 332 00:09:16,924 --> 00:09:20,934 >> YOU KNOW, IF I WAS SECOND 333 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:24,098 CHOICE, THAT MEANS I'D GET PART 334 00:09:24,097 --> 00:09:28,497 IF SCOTT WOLF GOT SICK. 335 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:29,965 OR WORSE. 336 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,140 >> NO. 337 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:32,038 >> PLEASE?! 338 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:32,739 >> NO. 339 00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,680 IF YOU WANT SCOTT WOLF DEAD SO 340 00:09:34,675 --> 00:09:37,005 BADLY, YOU KILL HIM YOURSELF. 341 00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:38,880 BUT YOU CANNOT DO IT. 342 00:09:38,879 --> 00:09:41,049 YOU ARE NOT KILLER, YVGENY. 343 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,718 YOU WOULD HAVE TO BECOME 344 00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,646 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON TO 345 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:46,992 DO IT -- LIKE ACTING. 346 00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,157 DON'T THINK OF BULLETS AS REAL. 347 00:09:49,156 --> 00:09:50,786 DON'T THINK OF BLOOD, DEATH -- 348 00:09:50,791 --> 00:09:51,761 NONE OF IT REAL. 349 00:09:51,759 --> 00:09:53,429 PRETEND YOU ARE CHARACTER, LIKE 350 00:09:53,426 --> 00:09:54,156 ON TV. 351 00:09:54,161 --> 00:09:56,001 >> LIKE JAY LENO! 352 00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,166 >> YES, RIGHT. 353 00:09:58,165 --> 00:09:59,725 LIKE J-LO. 354 00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:03,602 >> Jon: YOU KNOW, WE'RE GONNA 355 00:10:03,603 --> 00:10:04,643 HAVE MATCHING COSTUMES, AND 356 00:10:04,638 --> 00:10:05,708 WE'RE GONNA MAKE A VIDEO AND 357 00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:06,636 THEN SELL DVDs. 358 00:10:06,640 --> 00:10:08,140 YOU KNOW, IT'S GONNA BE CALLED 359 00:10:08,141 --> 00:10:09,141 "STREET STRETCH." 360 00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,042 >> OKAY, WAIT. 361 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,413 SO YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU A 362 00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:12,711 TIME SLOT FOR AN INFOMERCIAL, IS 363 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:13,083 THAT IT? 364 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:13,710 >> PLEASE! 365 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:14,554 >> I DON'T KNOW. 366 00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:15,617 DAVID, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 367 00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:16,875 >> David: YEAH, LET ME CALL YOU 368 00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:17,754 BACK. 369 00:10:17,751 --> 00:10:20,451 UM, YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. 370 00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:21,923 IT DOESN'T REALLY SOUND LIKE THE 371 00:10:21,922 --> 00:10:23,162 TYPE OF PROGRAMMING WE'RE 372 00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,656 FOCUSING ON RIGHT NOW. 373 00:10:27,527 --> 00:10:28,957 >> Jon: YOU DIDN'T WANT TO CALL 374 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,602 ME DAD 'CAUSE YOU WANTED TO BE 375 00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:31,927 PROFESSIONAL, IS THAT RIGHT? 376 00:10:31,932 --> 00:10:32,572 >> YEAH. 377 00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:33,195 >> Jon: OKAY. 378 00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,200 THIS IS ME BEING PROFESSIONAL. 379 00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,872 SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP. 380 00:10:36,870 --> 00:10:39,140 OKAY, I DON'T NEED A KID TELLING 381 00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:42,679 ME ABOUT PROGRAMMING, OKAY?! 382 00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:44,846 OKAY, NOW THIS IS ME SWITCHING 383 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,845 TO BEING YOUR DAD. 384 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,717 I'M SORRY I JUST YELLED AT YOU. 385 00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,046 I LOVE YOU. 386 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,920 NOW PLEASE SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP. 387 00:10:51,919 --> 00:10:54,789 I'M TRYING TO MAKE MONEY, OKAY? 388 00:10:54,788 --> 00:10:55,188 OKAY? 389 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,858 ALL RIGHT, NOW I'M SWITCHING 390 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,457 BACK TO BEING PROFESSIONAL. 391 00:10:58,458 --> 00:11:00,088 KEEP YOUR [BLEEP] MOUTH SHUT AND 392 00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:00,933 BUTT OUT. 393 00:11:00,928 --> 00:11:01,858 WE'RE GOOD? 394 00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:03,632 >> WELL, I CAN GIVE YOU A 395 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,770 LATE-NIGHT TIME SLOT. 396 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:05,565 >> Jon: YES! 397 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:06,765 I MEAN, T-THAT WOULD BE 398 00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:07,797 INCREDIBLE! 399 00:11:07,835 --> 00:11:09,165 >> Both: ONE, TWO, THREE! 400 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,469 "STREET STRETCH"! 401 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:12,473 >> Jon: "STREET STRETCH" -- THE 402 00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:13,812 ULTIMATE FREE GYM. 403 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:16,507 THE PERFECT PLACE TO STRETCH. 404 00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:18,509 WORK YOUR ABS. 405 00:11:18,511 --> 00:11:22,821 WORK YOUR QUADS, YOUR TRICEPS, 406 00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,850 DELTS. 407 00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:27,692 HIT THE WEIGHT ROOM. 408 00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,721 TRY THE CLIMBING WALL. 409 00:11:29,723 --> 00:11:30,963 USE ANY NUMBER OF OUR 410 00:11:30,958 --> 00:11:32,728 STATIONARY BIKES AND WORK YOUR 411 00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:34,656 BICEPS AT THE SAME TIME. 412 00:11:34,661 --> 00:11:36,661 AND WHEN YOU'RE ALL DONE, HIT 413 00:11:36,663 --> 00:11:38,633 THE STEAM ROOM. 414 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:40,725 >> Both: "STREET STRETCH"! 415 00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,174 >> Jon: AND THERE YOU HAVE IT -- 416 00:11:42,169 --> 00:11:43,769 A NEW CONCEPT IN EXERCISE THAT'S 417 00:11:43,771 --> 00:11:44,941 PRICED RIGHT TO BEAT THE 418 00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,568 RECESSION BLUES IN TODAY'S TOUGH 419 00:11:46,573 --> 00:11:47,783 ECONOMY OF HARD TIMES. 420 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:48,275 [ CLAPS ] 421 00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:49,875 AND WITH THE STREET STRETCH 422 00:11:49,877 --> 00:11:51,237 DVD, BARGAIN-PRICED AT JUST 423 00:11:51,244 --> 00:11:52,984 $5.99, WE'RE GONNA SHOW YOU ALL 424 00:11:52,980 --> 00:11:54,510 THE WAYS YOU CAN TURN ANY 425 00:11:54,514 --> 00:11:55,854 NEIGHBORHOOD INTO YOUR OWN 426 00:11:55,849 --> 00:11:56,779 PERSONAL GYM. 427 00:11:56,784 --> 00:11:58,694 JUST GO TO streetstretchin.wow, 428 00:11:58,685 --> 00:11:59,745 OR CHECK OUR THE 429 00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:01,253 "STREET STRETCH" RV ON OUR 430 00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,794 UPCOMING "STREET STRETCH" TOUR. 431 00:12:02,790 --> 00:12:03,660 [ CLAPS ] 432 00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,526 "STREET STRETCH"! 433 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:07,155 >> WELL, WE HAD OUR DOUBTS, BUT 434 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,060 WE'VE ACTUALLY RECEIVED A DECENT 435 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:11,632 AMOUNT OF CALLS ABOUT THE DVD. 436 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:12,674 >> Jon: AWESOME. 437 00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,295 WHEN DO I START SEEING MY MONEY? 438 00:12:14,301 --> 00:12:16,671 >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 439 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:17,809 YOU MEAN MY MONEY. 440 00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:19,735 >> WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, 441 00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:20,239 WHOA, WHOA. 442 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:21,610 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 443 00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:22,608 >> I'M TALKING ABOUT 444 00:12:22,609 --> 00:12:23,739 "STREET STRETCH," MY IDEA. 445 00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:25,083 I FIGURED YOU WERE JUST HELPING 446 00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:25,878 ME GET IT DONE. 447 00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,049 >> Jon: NO, WE NEVER HAD A 448 00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,717 CONVERSATION ABOUT ANY OF THAT. 449 00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,075 >> WELL, WE ALSO NEVER HAD A 450 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,723 CONVERSATION ABOUT YOU TELLING 451 00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:33,018 ME WHERE I COULD GO TO THE 452 00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:33,720 BATHROOM. 453 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:34,890 >> Jon: ROB, YOU AND I WERE 454 00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:36,058 THERE TOGETHER WHEN YOU BROUGHT 455 00:12:36,056 --> 00:12:37,186 UP "STREET STRETCH." 456 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,960 I THOUGHT IT WAS GREAT, I LOVED 457 00:12:38,959 --> 00:12:40,689 IT, I PITCHED IT, I FIGURED IT 458 00:12:40,693 --> 00:12:42,203 WAS OUR IDEA WHEN I DID THAT. 459 00:12:42,195 --> 00:12:43,625 >> I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY 460 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,200 "STREET STRETCH" IDEA, WHICH I 461 00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:46,628 HAVE HAD FOR 12 YEARS. 462 00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,103 >> Jon: YOU'VE BEEN CARRYING 463 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:49,641 AROUND THIS IDEA IN YOUR 464 00:12:49,636 --> 00:12:51,166 TESTICLES, AND YOU STUCK IT IN 465 00:12:51,171 --> 00:12:52,971 MY IDEA VAGINA, AND THEN I TOOK 466 00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:54,843 IT, AND IT CAME OUT OF ME. 467 00:12:54,842 --> 00:12:56,342 "STREET STRETCH"! 468 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,283 "STREET STRETCH"! 469 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,947 AND I GAVE BIRTH TO THE IDEA AND 470 00:12:58,946 --> 00:12:59,876 MADE THIS HAPPEN. 471 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,210 >> YOU TOUCH THIS IDEA BABY, 472 00:13:01,214 --> 00:13:02,754 AND I'M GONNA SUE THE [BLEEP] 473 00:13:02,749 --> 00:13:03,279 OUT OF YOU. 474 00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:04,253 IT'S THAT SIMPLE. 475 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,691 >> David: ALWAYS GET IT IN 476 00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:06,185 WRITING. 477 00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:07,116 >> HE'S RIGHT. 478 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:08,760 >> Jon: LOOK, I SPENT ALL MY 479 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:09,755 SAVINGS ON THIS. 480 00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:10,716 I BOUGHT AN RV. 481 00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:11,723 >> YEAH, I KNOW. 482 00:13:11,724 --> 00:13:13,294 I WAS THERE WHEN YOU BOUGHT IT. 483 00:13:13,293 --> 00:13:15,063 NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, I GOT 484 00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:16,062 TO GO DOWN TO THE DELI. 485 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:20,933 >> Jon: ROB. 486 00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:22,644 >> David: LOOK, JON. 487 00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,905 I WAS GONNA SHOOT YOU AN E-MAIL 488 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,765 ABOUT THIS, BUT...YOU GOT TO 489 00:13:26,773 --> 00:13:28,243 START PAYING YOUR RENT NEXT WEEK 490 00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:29,881 OR YOU'RE GETTING KICKED OUT OF 491 00:13:29,877 --> 00:13:30,737 YOUR APARTMENT. 492 00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:32,213 DAD, YOU ALREADY HAVE A PLACE TO 493 00:13:32,212 --> 00:13:33,752 STAY, AND IT'S ALL PAID FOR. 494 00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:34,946 >> Jon: THANK YOU, DAVID. 495 00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,618 AT LEAST THERE'S SOMEBODY AROUND 496 00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,986 HERE THAT UNDERSTANDS THAT I'M 497 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,345 THE ONE THAT SHOULD BE LIVING 498 00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:40,322 IN THE SWEET LOFT. 499 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,020 >> David: I-I MEANT THE RV. 500 00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,194 [ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ] 501 00:13:45,192 --> 00:13:46,862 >> THAT'S GOING ON FACEBOOK. 502 00:13:54,767 --> 00:13:57,667 >> Jon: [ SOBBING ] 503 00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,877 [ HORNS HONKING ] 504 00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:17,364 SO, THE BEDROOM IS BACK HERE. 505 00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,257 THAT'S THE BATHROOM. 506 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:21,429 KITCHEN AND THE STOVE UNDER 507 00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,798 HERE, AND, YOU KNOW [SIGHS] 508 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:24,826 THAT'S IT. 509 00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:25,771 THAT'S MY PLACE. 510 00:14:25,765 --> 00:14:26,995 >> HEY, JUST TRY TO STAY 511 00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,440 POSITIVE, SWEETIE, ALL RIGHT? 512 00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,035 YOU KNOW, YOU CAN -- YOU CAN 513 00:14:30,037 --> 00:14:31,667 JUST PRETEND YOU'RE LIVING IN 514 00:14:31,671 --> 00:14:32,971 THE COUNTRY OR SOMETHING. 515 00:14:32,973 --> 00:14:34,313 >> Jon: YEAH, I DON'T KNOW. 516 00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:39,177 IT'S...IT'S HARD. 517 00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:40,949 >> THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU TOLD ME 518 00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:42,078 ABOUT YOUR PARENTS. 519 00:14:42,082 --> 00:14:43,722 THEY FOUND A WAY TO MAKE IT 520 00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:44,876 WORK. 521 00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:47,024 YOU CAN, TOO. 522 00:15:00,867 --> 00:15:03,197 >> Jon: [ With accent ] SAY, 523 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,373 THERE, WELCOME TO THE B&B. 524 00:15:05,372 --> 00:15:06,812 HOW ABOUT SOME CHERRY PIE, 525 00:15:06,806 --> 00:15:07,166 THERE? 526 00:15:07,174 --> 00:15:07,984 HAVE A SLICE. 527 00:15:07,975 --> 00:15:09,205 >> SOUNDS A LITTLE IRISH, I 528 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:09,779 THINK. 529 00:15:09,776 --> 00:15:11,076 >> Jon: [ Normal voice ] NO, 530 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:11,878 THAT'S MAINE. 531 00:15:11,878 --> 00:15:12,348 >> MAINE? 532 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:13,805 >> Jon: [ With accent ] SOME 533 00:15:13,813 --> 00:15:15,183 CHERRY -- TASTE YOU REAL NICE, 534 00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:15,752 THERE. 535 00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:16,448 SAY, THERE. 536 00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:18,149 [ Normal voice ] ANYWAY. 537 00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:20,151 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 538 00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,023 >> HI. 539 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,061 >> HELLO. 540 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,115 >> Jon: HELLO, WELCOME. 541 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,864 YOU MUST BE THE STEINBERGS FROM 542 00:15:25,858 --> 00:15:26,958 ANN ARBOR, MICHIGAN. 543 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,160 >> Both: THAT'S RIGHT. 544 00:15:28,161 --> 00:15:29,361 >> Jon: WELCOME TO THE 545 00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:31,062 STREET STRETCH B&B. 546 00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:32,774 I'M YOUR HOST, JON. 547 00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:35,435 THIS IS ROB WITH THE BAGS. 548 00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:36,795 EVERYTHING OKAY? 549 00:15:36,803 --> 00:15:38,773 >> YOUR WEBSITE DIDN'T MENTION 550 00:15:38,771 --> 00:15:40,811 ANYTHING ABOUT THE B&B BEING IN 551 00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:41,407 AN RV. 552 00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:42,938 >> Jon: UH, YES. 553 00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:45,882 THAT WAS INTENTIONAL BECAUSE, AS 554 00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:48,418 WE ALL KNOW, PEOPLE THAT LIKE 555 00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,015 B&Bs ARE ALL ABOUT THE 556 00:15:50,017 --> 00:15:51,777 "VENCH" -- THE, UH -- THE 557 00:15:51,784 --> 00:15:52,894 ADVENTURE. 558 00:15:52,885 --> 00:15:55,015 >> LOOK, UM, I'M SORRY. 559 00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:56,992 THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS. 560 00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:57,990 WE'RE LEAVING. 561 00:15:57,991 --> 00:15:59,461 AND I EXPECT TO GET OUR DEPOSIT 562 00:15:59,459 --> 00:15:59,989 BACK. 563 00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,233 >> Jon: HOLD ON A SECOND. 564 00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:01,858 LISTEN. 565 00:16:01,861 --> 00:16:03,361 JUST WAIT A SECOND, OKAY? 566 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,233 I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR FIRST NIGHT 567 00:16:05,232 --> 00:16:06,432 FREE, OKAY? 568 00:16:06,433 --> 00:16:09,243 JUST TRY IT BEFORE YOU MAKE UP 569 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,766 YOUR MIND. 570 00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:14,771 >> IT REALLY IS VERY LOVELY, 571 00:16:14,774 --> 00:16:16,114 HONEY. 572 00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:18,979 >> WELL, I DO LIKE THE DETAILING 573 00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,478 ON THE CURTAINS. 574 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,150 >> I THINK WE'LL TRY IT. 575 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,849 >> WHAT'S YOUR NAME, PAL? 576 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:24,380 >> SAM. 577 00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:25,924 >> SAMMY. "TO SAMMY." 578 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,218 HEY, CAN YOU GUYS DO 579 00:16:27,220 --> 00:16:28,190 JEWISH GHOST? 580 00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:29,318 >> All: O-O-O-O-Y! 581 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,822 >> [ Laughing ] NICE! 582 00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:32,833 THAT WAS PRETTY GOOD. 583 00:16:32,825 --> 00:16:33,885 HEY, MAN. 584 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,233 WHO SHOULD I MAKE IT OUT TO? 585 00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,158 >> RUN. 586 00:16:36,163 --> 00:16:38,003 >> YOU GOT IT, RON. 587 00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:41,867 >> NO, NO. NOT RON. 588 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,868 RUN. 589 00:16:43,870 --> 00:16:46,010 RUN. 590 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,439 >> [ PANTING ] 591 00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:02,964 >> WE WERE JUST -- 592 00:17:02,955 --> 00:17:04,815 >> Jon: HEY! HEY, HEY! 593 00:17:04,824 --> 00:17:05,364 >> HEY. 594 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,028 >> Jon: WHERE'S MY B&B? 595 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:09,056 >> IF YOU MEAN THE RV, IT'S BEEN 596 00:17:09,062 --> 00:17:09,562 IMPOUNDED. 597 00:17:09,562 --> 00:17:11,062 YOU'VE BEEN ILLEGALLY PARKED 598 00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:11,964 HERE FOR A WEEK. 599 00:17:11,964 --> 00:17:13,174 YOU DIDN'T NOTICE ALL THE 600 00:17:13,166 --> 00:17:14,226 TICKETS ON THE FRONT? 601 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,874 >> W-WE WERE RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE 602 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:17,098 OF OUR SALMON SCRAMBLE WHEN 603 00:17:17,104 --> 00:17:18,374 THERE WAS A POUNDING ON THE 604 00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:18,911 DOOR. 605 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:20,335 WE HAD TO PACK AND LEAVE IN FIVE 606 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,340 MINUTES. 607 00:17:21,341 --> 00:17:22,881 VERY DISAPPOINTING. 608 00:17:22,875 --> 00:17:24,035 MARIAN, COME ON. 609 00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,413 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. 610 00:17:25,412 --> 00:17:27,182 AND I LOVED THE CROUTONS. 611 00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,880 [ LAUGHS ] 612 00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:32,051 >> HERE YOU GO. 613 00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:38,391 >> O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-Y. 614 00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,931 [ HANDLE RATTLES ] 615 00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:42,596 [ CLATTER ] 616 00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:47,295 O-O-O-O-Y. 617 00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:51,300 O-O-O-O-Y? 618 00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:56,184 OY. 619 00:17:56,176 --> 00:18:00,046 >> WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! 620 00:18:00,046 --> 00:18:01,546 PLEASE DON'T KILL ME. 621 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,548 >> OH, I'M NOT GOING TO KILL 622 00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:06,551 YOU. 623 00:18:06,553 --> 00:18:08,523 HE IS. 624 00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:14,429 [ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ] 625 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:17,027 >> I AM IGOR PACHENKO, THE GREAT 626 00:18:17,029 --> 00:18:18,669 RUSSIAN TRAIN ROBBER! 627 00:18:18,665 --> 00:18:21,195 STOP THIS TRAIN AT ONCE! 628 00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,071 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, 629 00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,939 WAIT. 630 00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:27,207 DID MIGHTY JOE JON PUT YOU UP TO 631 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:27,907 THIS? 632 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:28,907 IS THIS A JOKE? 633 00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:31,638 I NEVER JOKE ABOUT ROBBING 634 00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:32,954 TRAINS. 635 00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:34,575 >> FINISH HIM, IGOR PACHENKO! 636 00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:39,019 [ BOTH GRUNTING ] 637 00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:42,218 >> [ LAUGHS ] 638 00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,465 >> [ SIGHS ] 639 00:18:54,467 --> 00:18:55,997 AND SCENE. 640 00:18:56,002 --> 00:18:57,442 >> David: YEAH, LET ME CALL YOU 641 00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:58,207 RIGHT BACK. 642 00:18:58,205 --> 00:19:00,535 I'M ABOUT TO GO INTO MY 2:00. 643 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,140 [ SIGHS ] 644 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:05,711 JON. JON, WAKE UP. 645 00:19:05,712 --> 00:19:06,252 DAD. 646 00:19:06,246 --> 00:19:07,676 >> Jon: [ Slurring ] W-WHAT'S 647 00:19:07,680 --> 00:19:08,250 THAT? 648 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,018 WE GOT CARAMELIZED ONIONS IN THE 649 00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:10,446 FRIDGE. 650 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:13,990 >> David: WHOA, DAD. 651 00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:15,656 I'M HOMELESS, DAVID. 652 00:19:15,655 --> 00:19:17,255 YOUR DAD IS HOMELESS. 653 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,127 >> David: MY DAD IS WASTED. 654 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,155 >> Jon: WHAT, I CAN STILL DO A 655 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:22,560 "JEWISH GHOST" CAMEO. 656 00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,262 O-O-O-O-O-O-Y VEY! 657 00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:25,574 >> David: DAD, I GOT 658 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:27,465 SUNRISE ADVENTURE RVs TO LOOK 659 00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,037 INTO YOUR RV B&B IDEA. 660 00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,065 >> Jon: OH, YEAH? 661 00:19:30,069 --> 00:19:31,599 HOW MUCH MONEY ARE THEY GONNA 662 00:19:31,604 --> 00:19:33,314 PAY ME FOR -- THAT'S A PRETTY 663 00:19:33,306 --> 00:19:34,036 BIG IDEA. 664 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,580 >> David: IT'S A VERY GENEROUS 665 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:36,205 OFFER. 666 00:19:36,209 --> 00:19:37,409 YOU'LL BE VERY HAPPY. 667 00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:38,750 CONGRATULATIONS, DAD. 668 00:19:38,745 --> 00:19:40,345 YOU MADE A PLAN, AND IT WORKED. 669 00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,347 >> Jon: [ SOBBING ] 670 00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,518 >> David: DAD, COME ON. 671 00:19:42,515 --> 00:19:43,415 >> COME ON, JON. 672 00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:44,616 >> David: DAD, IT'S OKAY. 673 00:19:44,617 --> 00:19:45,587 >> IT'S ALL RIGHT. 674 00:19:45,585 --> 00:19:47,185 >> Jon: [ Crying ] CAN I PLEASE 675 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,616 TAKE A SHOWER AT MY SWEET LOFT? 676 00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:49,561 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 677 00:19:49,556 --> 00:19:50,686 >> KNOCK, KNOCK, BITCH! 678 00:19:50,690 --> 00:19:52,120 DID YOU TELL YOUR DAD THAT 679 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,164 "DELOCATED!" GOT THE 680 00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,289 "JEWISH GHOST" BUDGET? 681 00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:55,704 >> David: NO, I MADE UP A STORY 682 00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:57,255 ABOUT AN RV COMPANY BUYING HIM 683 00:19:57,264 --> 00:19:57,604 OUT. 684 00:19:57,597 --> 00:19:59,267 I WANTED HIM TO THINK THAT HE 685 00:19:59,266 --> 00:20:01,026 CAME UP WITH THE SOLUTION TO HIS 686 00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:02,473 PROBLEMS -- YOU KNOW, MAKE THE 687 00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:03,669 STAR OF THE SHOW HAPPY. 688 00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:04,570 >> IMPRESSIVE. 689 00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:06,171 MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL GIVE YOU A 690 00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:06,572 RAISE. 691 00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:08,343 >> David: OR MAYBE SOMEDAY I'LL 692 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:09,241 TAKE YOUR JOB. 693 00:20:09,242 --> 00:20:10,212 [ CHUCKLES ] 694 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:14,184 >> OR MAYBE SOMEDAY YOU'LL BE 695 00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:15,180 FIRED. 696 00:20:15,181 --> 00:20:17,621 >> SOMEDAY AS IN TODAY? 697 00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:20,487 >> YEP. RIGHT NOW. 698 00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,257 BYE-BYE, BITCH! 699 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:24,115 >> I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD 700 00:20:24,123 --> 00:20:25,693 OF MY BROTHER. 701 00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,692 TODAY, HE HAS TRULY BECOME REAL 702 00:20:27,694 --> 00:20:29,234 MIRMINSKY. 703 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,558 >> YOU MEAN REAL PACHENKO! 704 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:35,104 [ LAUGHTER ] 705 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,101 I DIDN'T KNOW HALLOWEEN CAME 706 00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,343 EARLY THIS YEAR! 707 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:40,638 [ LAUGHTER ] 708 00:20:48,548 --> 00:20:50,418 [ LAUGHS ] 709 00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:54,147 [ SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ] 710 00:20:57,089 --> 00:20:59,389 [ DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS ] 711 00:21:03,663 --> 00:21:06,673 [ LAUGHS ] 712 00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:09,366 >> MY NAME IS IGOR PACHENKO, THE 713 00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:12,539 GREAT RUSSIAN TRAIN ROBBER! 714 00:21:12,539 --> 00:21:15,409 STOP THIS TRAIN AT ONCE! 715 00:21:15,408 --> 00:21:17,838 >> OKAY, JESSE JAMES! 716 00:21:17,844 --> 00:21:21,814 [ LAUGHTER ] 717 00:21:30,189 --> 00:21:34,189 [ GRUNTING ] 718 00:21:34,193 --> 00:21:39,373 [ SCREAMING ] 719 00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:42,666 >> [ LAUGHING ] 720 00:21:48,841 --> 00:21:51,811 AH! BRAVO! 721 00:21:52,111 --> 00:21:53,181 [ MUSIC STOPS ] 722 00:21:53,179 --> 00:21:55,109 THREE CHEERS FOR IGOR PACHENKO, 723 00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:57,784 THE GREAT RUSSIAN TRAIN ROBBER! 724 00:21:57,784 --> 00:22:00,654 HIP, HIP! HOORAY! 725 00:22:00,653 --> 00:22:03,523 HIP, HIP! HOORAY! 726 00:22:03,523 --> 00:22:06,393 HIP, HIP! HOORAY! 727 00:22:06,393 --> 00:22:09,903 [ LAUGHS ] 728 00:22:09,896 --> 00:22:11,856 >> AND SCENE. 44582

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