Original subtitles

>> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT

HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY

FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION

PROGRAM...

MOVE THEM TO NEW YORK CITY...

AND GIVE THEM THEIR OWN REALITY

SHOW?

>> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO

>> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON

"DELOCATED!"...

HEY, MIKE.

THIS IS MY MOM AND DAD.

>> YOU ARE A GREAT

DISAPPOINTMENT, YVGENY.

YOU ARE NOT FUNNY.

>> SHUT UP. I AM F--

>> YOU'RE NOT, YVGENY!

AND YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO

THE FAMILY.

>> "ORANGE" [aren't] YOU GLAD I

DIDN'T SAY "VODKA"?

>> IDIOT!

>> MNH-MNH. I MISS YOU MORE.

YEAH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

OH, BABY, YOU GOT ME ALL KINDS

OF HOTSY-TOTSY.

Just can't wait to get out of

here and go home and take a

shower with you.

JUST A COUPLE MORE HOURS.

ALL RIGHT.

I love you.

>> Jon: HEY, MAN, UH, YOU MIND

NOT TALKING TO SUSAN LIKE THAT

IN FRONT OF ME?

>> HEY, MAN, I NEED TO BE ABLE

TO TAKE PERSONAL CALLS.

>> Jon: HEY, MAN, JUST SHOW A

LITTLE DISCRETION.

>> HEY, MAN, I HAVE A LIFE

OUTSIDE THIS JOB, YOU KNOW?

>> Jon: HEY, MAN, YOU'RE

PRACTICALLY HAVING AN ORGASM IN

FRONT OF ME, OKAY?

>> HEY.

YOU GOT SOMETHING FROM THE

GOVERNMENT.

>> Jon: [ GASPS ]

IT'S HERE.

>> IT'S HERE!

>> Both: IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!

IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!

IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE! IT'S HERE!

>> GUYS, WHAT IS GOING ON?

GUYS!

>> Jon: IT IS THE

WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM

MIXER.

THEY GOT A TALENT SHOW, AND I'VE

DONE THIS, LIKE, DANCE.

I CHOREOGRAPH IT EVERY YEAR.

I GOT TO CALL MY MOM.

IT'S IN NEW YORK THIS YEAR.

SHE IS GONNA BE SO EXCITED.

>> Hello?

>> Jon: MOM. HI. HOW'S IT GOING?

>> Good, honey. How are you?

>> Jon: LISTEN, UH, I JUST

WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW I GOT MY,

UH, WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM

INVITATION, UH, FOR THE MIXER.

>> I know my little pooper

bear is gonna win the talent

show this year.

>> Jon: UH, YES.

I WILL WIN THE TALENT SHOW THIS

YEAR -- FIRST PLACE.

>> Who loves her pooper bear?

>> Jon: OKAY, MOM.

>> [ Cooing ] Who loves her

pooper bear?

>> Jon: [ Cooing ] MY MAMA.

>> Okay, pooper bear. Good luck.

I love you.

>> Jon: OKAY, MOM.

LOVE YOU, TOO. BYE.

>> HEY, HONEY, THIS SOUNDS

GREAT.

I CAN'T WAIT TO CHECK IT OUT.

>> Jon: UH, ACTUALLY, YOU CAN'T

GO.

>> WHY NOT?

>> IT'S MEMBERS ONLY.

THEY'RE VERY STRICT ABOUT THAT.

>> BUT...

>> OF COURSE THEY TOLD YOU THAT.

LISTEN, I'VE GONE TO A LOT OF

CONVENTIONS WITH MY SIDING

COMPANY.

THESE THINGS ARE JUST BIG

[BLEEP] FESTS.

IF YOU REALLY DON'T TRUST HIM,

WHY NOT BOOK A ROOM, PRETEND

YOU'RE GOING TO THE CONVENTION,

AND SPY ON HIM ALL WEEKEND?

>> KIM, I ASSURE YOU IT'S NOT A

SEX WEEKEND.

IT'S A GOVERNMENT-SANCTIONED

EVENT.

>> Jon: YEAH, I MEAN, LOOK, IF

IT'S GONNA MAKE YOU FEEL ANY

BETTER, I'LL CHECK IN WITH YOU A

FEW TIMES A DAY, OKAY?

I MEAN, EVEN WHEN I'M, UH,

A-GETTIN' MY FREAK ON!

* BUM-BUM-BAH, BAH-BAH-BAHNA,

BAHNA-BAHNA *

[ LAUGHS ]

HEY.

DON'T LET RYAN MESS WITH YOUR

HEAD, OKAY?

>> OKAY.

>> Jon: OKAY? IT'S NOTHING.

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> Jon: IT'S NOTHING.

>> Both: IT'S NOTHING.

IT'S NOTHING.

>> IT'S NOTHING.

>> GUYS, GUYS.

ACTUALLY, I HAVE A LITTLE BIT OF

A REQUEST.

UM, IT'S A LITTLE BIT AWKWARD.

I KNOW I'M NEW HERE.

UH, I IMAGINE YOU GUYS ARE GONNA

BE MAKING LOVE TONIGHT.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA SEE EACH OTHER

FOR A COUPLE OF DAYS.

I JUST ASK THAT YOU KEEP IT

DOWN.

YOU KNOW, I STAND RIGHT OUTSIDE

THE DOOR, AND YOU GUYS...GET

PRETTY LOUD WHEN YOU GET GOING.

SO...

>> Jon: THAT SEEMS LIKE A FAIR

REQUEST.

>> ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

>> Jon: KIM, COME ON.

>> NO.

>> IT'S HARD ENOUGH HAVING SEX

KNOWING YOU'RE STANDING RIGHT

OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

NOW YOU WANT ME TO THINK ABOUT

BEING QUIET?

WHAT A JERK!

GET SOME EARPLUGS!

>> Jon: OKAY, GUYS.

>> WHY DON'T YOU GET SOME MOUTH

PLUGS?

LOUDY.

>> Jon: GUYS.

>> I'M SORRY.

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?

>> Jon: GUYS.

>> I CALLED YOU "LOUDY."

YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE YOU'RE LOUD.

>> Jon: ROB, SIT DOWN.

SOME OF THE LOUD YOU'RE HEARING

IS ME.

WHEN YOU HEAR "AAH AAH AAH!" --

THAT'S ME.

WHEN YOU HEAR

[ High-pitched ] "AAH AAH

AAH AAH!" -- THAT'S KIM.

>> OKAY. WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH.

>> KIM, I APOLOGIZE.

I WAS HEARING HIM.

>> OKAY.

>> I'M SORRY.

>> MIGHTY JOE JON TELLS ME JON

IS GOING TO CONVENTION THIS

WEEKEND.

>> I HEAR THOSE ARE BIG [BLEEP]

FESTS.

>> I WAS THINKING -- MAYBE YOU

AND I COULD TAKE OUR OWN WEEKEND

OFF, HAVE A GOOD TIME.

CALL IT "BROTHERS WEEKEND."

WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH?

>> WHY ARE YOU BEING SO NICE TO

ME?

>> WHAT?

I CAN'T WANT TO DO NICE THINGS

WITH MY BROTHER?

>> OKAY.

WHAT DO YOU HAVE IN MIND?

>> OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I WAS THINKING MAYBE WE CAN GO

TO...

IDAHO!

>> [ GASPS ] THE POTATO VALLEY?!

FOR THE VODKA TASTINGS?!

[ GASPS ]

OH, MY GOD!

IT WOULD BE LIKE OUR VERY OWN

"SIDEWAYS."

>> WHY SHOULD JON BE THE ONLY

ONE TO HAVE A FUN WEEKEND?

>> OH, MY GOD!

THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!

[ LAUGHS ]

THIS IS THE BEST!

* THIS IS THE BEST

DA! DA! DA!

>> [ LAUGHS ]

>> YOU ARE IN ROOM 354.

OH, AND, SIR...

DON'T FORGET YOUR VOCAL

HARMONIZER.

>> [ Distorted ] GREAT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

>> OH, YOU'RE SO WELCOME.

ENJOY YOUR STAY.

>> Jon: HOW'S IT GOING?

HEY, GUYS.

HOW YOU DOING?

YOU PROBABLY KNOW THIS GUY, HUH?

>> HEY.

>> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ]

HOW WE DOING?

>> DO YOU REALLY NEED TO WEAR

THE MUSTACHE?

>> YEAH. WE'RE SPIES.

>> * BROTHERS WEEKEND

>> THIS REALLY BRINGS OUT THE

POTATO.

>> * BROTHERS WEEKEND

* AHHHHHHHH

* AHHHHH

* BROTHERS WEEKEND

* ON A BROTHERS WEEKEND WITH

YOU *

>> OH, GOD. THIS IS GREAT.

>> I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING

THIS.

>> LOOK, JUST THINK OF IT AS

RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH.

>> RIGHT.

I'M JUST DOING THIS TO KEEP HIM

HONEST.

>> RIGHT. OKAY.

I'LL BE UP HERE WATCHING

"MISS CONGENIALITY 2."

GOOD LUCK.

>> [ SIGHS ]

[ Distorted ] HERE WE GO.

>> Jon: I JUST WANT TO TRY

SOMETHING NEW THIS YEAR.

I JUST WANT TO UP THE ANTE A

LITTLE BIT ON MY DANCE MOVES,

YOU KNOW.

I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF THE

SAME ROUTINES YEAR IN, YEAR OUT.

YOU KNOW, AND THEY'RE ALL SEXY,

AND I LOVE DOING THAT.

I LOVE SEXY ROUTINES.

THIS YEAR, I'M GONNA DO MORE OF

A PERFORMANCE-ART PIECE, BUT

IT'LL STILL BE SEXY.

>> YEAH.

>> Jon: HI. CAN I HELP YOU?

>> OH, UH, YEAH, I WAS JUST

LOOKING FOR -- FOR -- FOR YOUR

BOOTH.

[ CHUCKLES ]

GUESS I FOUND IT. [ CHUCKLES ]

>> Jon: OH, YEAH. [ CHUCKLES ]

>> YOU MUST BE JON.

>> Jon: YEAH. THAT, I AM.

AND YOU ARE?

>> I'M...

DAPHNE.

>> Jon: WELL, DAPHNE, IF, UH,

YOU WANT TO BE IN MY BIG

PRODUCTION NUMBER, ALL YOU GOT

TO DO IS ASK, ALL RIGHT?

YOU DON'T GOT TO LINGER AGAINST

THE WALL PRETENDING TO LISTEN,

LIKE SOME WEIRD PSYCHO.

[ LAUGHTER ]

I MEAN, DAPHNE, COME ON.

YOU'RE LIKE, "OH, HERE I AM.

I HOPE THEY'LL NOTICE ME AND ASK

ME TO BE IN THE DANCE."

[ LAUGHTER ]

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU DON'T REALLY HAVE A DANCER'S

BODY, SO I'M GUESSING YOU'RE

JUST HERE FOR THE 'GRAPH.

>> ARE YOU MIGHTY JOE JON?

>> THE BLACK BLOND.

>> I WAS HOPING I COULD TALK TO

YOU ABOUT "DELOCATED! CHICAGO."

>> OH, RIGHT. YEAH, YEAH.

COME WITH ME.

>> Jon: UH, HOLD UP.

WHAT IS "DELOCATED! CHICAGO"?

>> WE'RE FRANCHISING THE SHOW.

BUDDY, YOU KNOW, LIKE

"THE REAL WORLD."

IF YOU GET KILLED, WHERE DOES

THAT LEAVE ME?

DO A SPIN-OFF WITH KIM?

SORRY, BUT NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A

SHOW ABOUT THE AVERAGE-LOOKING

GIRLFRIEND OF THE DEAD GUY FROM

"DELOCATED!"

[ CHUCKLES ]

LADIES, COME ON.

WE'RE GOING UP TO MY ROOM.

>> Jon: NICE MEETING Y'ALL.

>> SO, UH, HOW ABOUT A-A DRINK

LATER?

>> Jon: UH...

[ CHUCKLES ]

LOOK, DAPHNE, THIS IS NOT GOING

TO THE BONE ZONE.

DON'T GET ME WRONG.

I SEE THIS THROUGH YOUR EYES.

I'M ON TV.

YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE, RIGHT?

BUT SEE THINGS THROUGH MY EYES.

HANDS OFF, PLEASE.

I'M LOOKING AT ANOTHER SAD,

DESPERATE GROUPIE IN A LONG LINE

OF DESPERATE GROUPIES THAT WANT

TO ROCK MY ROD.

LOOK, EVEN IF I DIDN'T HAVE A

GIRLFRIEND, HONESTLY, YOU'RE

JUST NOT MY BODY TYPE.

>> UH, WE GOT TO HEAD UPSTAIRS.

>> Jon: THAT IS FOR YOU.

SEE YOU AROUND THE HOTEL.

NICE MEETING YOU.

LOBSTER ROLLS FOR LUNCH?

LET'S DO IT.

>> "KEEP STRIVING"?

EVEN IN HIS HEAD SHOT, YOU CAN

TELL WHAT A DICK HE IS.

>> I'M NOT HIS BODY TYPE?

THAT'S SO DEGRADING.

>> LOOK, HE MIGHT NOT BE THAT

ATTRACTED TO YOU, BUT TRUST

ME -- HE'S THINKING ABOUT

BANGING SOMEBODY ELSE.

>> MAYBE.

BUT I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL JON

[BLEEP] DAPHNE.

>> THERE IS A TASTING AT 5:00 I

WANT TO TRY TO MAKE LATER.

AND TOMORROW, THERE'S ONE IN

BOISE.

>> UH, SURE. NO PROBLEM.

>> I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO

POTATO FARM.

IS THAT JON'S PARENTS?

>> YOU LIAR!

THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE BROTHERS

WEEKEND!

>> YVGENY, KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN.

>> YOU WANT TO KILL JON'S

PARENTS?

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SHOOT YOUR

WAY THROUGH MY HEART, THE HEART

YOU BROKE WHEN YOU LIED TO ME.

>> YVGENY, IT IS STILL

BROTHERS WEEKEND, OKAY?

YOU HAD A GOOD TIME.

NOW IT IS MY TURN.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: BASICALLY, AT THIS

POINT, I JUST SORT OF THINK OF

THE SKI MASK AS MY FACE.

I MEAN, PUT IT THIS WAY -- IF,

UH -- IF KARL MALDEN CAN GET SO

MUCH TUSH WITH THAT SCHNOZ, I

CAN GET LAID IN A SKI MASK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> EXCUSE ME.

>> OH, HEY!

"DELOCATED! CHICAGO," RIGHT?

YEAH, WE WERE ALL JUST ABOUT TO

GO DOWNSTAIRS AND TALK ABOUT

CASTING.

WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN ME IN MY

SUITE?

LADIES?

>> Jon: GOOD LUCK WITH THAT,

LADIES.

IT'S THE WINDY CITY.

PRETTY WINDY.

UH, YEAH, I'M NOT REALLY

SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS RIGHT NOW.

>> IT'S ME -- DAPHNE.

>> Jon: UH, YEAH.

DAPHNE, UM...

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

SHE MAY NOT BE A 10, BUT SHE'S A

PERFECT 6.

>> HEY, THIS VOICE MODULATOR'S

TICKLING MY THROAT.

I CAN THINK OF ONE WAY TO

SCRATCH IT.

>> Jon: UH, YEAH.

I GOT TO CHECK IN WITH MY

GIRLFRIEND.

>> HEY. EXCUSE ME, DAPHNE.

I CAN HELP YOU SCRATCH THAT

ITCH.

[ CELLPHONE RINGING ]

>> HEY, YOUR PHONE'S BEEN

RINGING OFF THE HOOK.

>> YEAH. SHUT UP.

[ Panting ] HELLO?

>> Jon: HEY, THERE.

>> OH. HEY, HONEY.

HOW'S THE CONVENTION?

>> Jon: GOOD.

HOW COME YOU SOUND SO OUT OF

BREATH?

>> OH, YOU KNOW, I WAS JUST AT

THE, UH, THE FITNESS CENTER.

SO, Y-YOU HAVING FUN?

>> JON: Oh, yeah, yeah.

Actually, I'm, uh...

OH, I'M GETTING -- I'M GETTING

BLOWN AS WE SPEAK.

OH HO HO!

[ Laughs ]

>> HA HA. VERY FUNNY.

SO, ARE YOU MAKING ANY FUN

FRIENDS?

>> Jon: NO, I'M MOSTLY JUST

HANGING OUT IN MY ROOM.

>> OKAY, WELL, DON'T FORGET TO

HAVE FUN.

>> Jon: [ CHUCKLES ] I WON'T.

UM...ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I WAS JUST

CALLING TO CHECK IN, OKAY?

>> OKAY. TALK TO YOU LATER.

BYE-BYE.

OH, MY GOD!

>> HE CHEATED.

>> NO. BUT ROB OFFERED TO.

>> I TOLD YOU -- [BLEEP] FEST!

>> THIS WHOLE THING IS MAKING ME

FEEL SO SLEAZY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE

REJECTED BY MY BOYFRIEND ALL

WEEKEND.

JON GAVE ME SOME SEX TOYS FOR

VALENTINE'S DAY.

>> LA LA LA! I'M NOT LISTENING!

>> I TOOK A PASS.

>> WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THIS?

>> 'CAUSE MAYBE DAPHNE LIKES TO

DO THINGS THAT KIM WOULDN'T TRY.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> Jon: SO, I DON'T KNOW.

I MEAN, FOR ME, IT JUST BOILS

DOWN TO THIS -- IF KARL MALDEN

CAN GET A LOT OF TUSH WITH THAT

SCHNOZ, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT A

SKI MASK.

[ LAUGHTER ]

>> YOU EVER BEEN TO CHICAGO?

>> Jon: WINDY CITY.

[ LAUGHS ]

OH, BOY.

>> YOU WANT TO DANCE?

>> Jon: NO, I DON'T, ACTUALLY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

GET OFF ME.

[ CHUCKLES ]

I'M TRYING TO EAT.

>> WAIT -- JUST ONE DANCE, AND

I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE.

I PROMISE.

>> Jon: FINE. OKAY!

ANYTHING TO JUST BE DONE WITH

YOU.

I'M COMING.

YEAH.

DAPHNE, I WILL -- I WILL GIVE

YOU THIS -- YOU ARE PERSISTENT.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> JON, THIS IS OBVIOUSLY A BIG

SEX WEEKEND.

WHY NOT JUST GET IN ON THE FUN?

JUST TELL YOUR CAMERA CREW TO

TAKE THE TAPE OUT OF THE CAMERA

AND FLUSH IT DOWN THE TOILET.

There's a great toilet in my

room.

>> Jon: DAPHNE, LOOK, WHEN IT

COMES TO RELATIONSHIPS, I GOT TO

TELL YOU, I'M A BIT OF A

VEGETARIAN.

I DON'T EAT CHEAP MEAT.

>> HUH.

THAT'S TOO BAD, 'CAUSE I ALSO

HAVE A REALLY NICE FEED BAG AND

SOME OATS AND A SADDLE UP IN MY

ROOM.

>> Jon: REALLY?!

[ DRAMATIC NOTE PLAYS ]

>> HELL YEAH.

[ FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> JON, COME ON. WE GOT TO TALK.

>> * YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

* OH

* YEAH, YEAH, YEAH

>> Jon: [ SOBBING ]

>> JON, I'M GONNA TAKE CARE OF

EVERYTHING, OKAY?

WE'VE GOT YOU A PLANE AT 9:30.

>> Jon: I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

MY PARENTS ARE DEAD.

THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT

THAT RIGHT NOW.

BUT WHAT I CAN DO IS I CAN STAY

HERE AND I CAN WIN THE TALENT

SHOW!

>> JON...

>> Jon: WHEN I WAS 5, MY MOM

PAID FOR DANCE CLASSES FOR ME,

AND I QUIT.

THIS IS MY CHANCE TO PAY HER

BACK FOR ALL THE MONEY SHE NEVER

GOT TO SPEND ON ME FOR DANCING!

THIS IS FOR MY MOM!

>> I know my little pooper bear

is gonna win the talent show

this year.

Who loves her pooper bear?

Who loves her pooper bear?

Okay, pooper bear. Good luck.

I love you.

>> LAST CHANCE FOR DAPHNE TO

SCORE.

>> YEAH, I DON'T THINK JON'S

INTERESTED.

I WAS, LIKE, DIRTY-DANCING SO

HARD UP ON HIM.

THEN HE JUST LEFT THE DANCE

FLOOR, LIKE A STUCK-UP JERK.

RYAN, YOU KNOW, YOU DON'T HAVE

TO WEAR THAT WHILE WE'RE IN THE

ROOM.

>> IT MAKES SPYING MORE

EXCITING, OKAY?

DON'T TAKE IT OUT ON ME JUST

BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND HATES

YOUR BODY.

>> WELL, MAYBE IT'LL CHANGE HIS

MIND WHEN MY ROBE ACCIDENTALLY

FALLS OFF.

[ BURLESQUE MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> WHOO!

[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS ]

>> WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE YOU'RE A

DUMMY.

[ LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE ]

>> ALL RIGHT!

GIVE ONE MORE HAND FOR MATT AND

LYLE.

MATT AND LYLE.

>> YEAH!

YEAH!

HILARIOUS!

>> FOLKS, OUR FINAL ACT HAS A

VERY SPECIAL PERFORMANCE PLANNED

FOR YOU.

IT'S DEDICATED TO HIS PARENTS,

WHO WERE JUST MURDERED.

[ AUDIENCE GASPS ]

PLEASE WELCOME JON.

[ APPLAUSE ]

>> DO YOU TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE

YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED WIFE?

>> Jon: [ As man ] I DO.

>> DO YOU TAKE THIS MAN TO BE

YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?

>> Jon: [ As woman ] I DO.

[ Normal voice ] LET'S

CONSUMMATE THIS MARRIAGE!

[ As man ] MM. YEAH.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

YEAH.

THIS IS WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YEAH. YEAH. YEAH.

UH-HUH. OKAY. AWESOME.

OH, YEAH.

[ GRUNTS ]

OH, YEAH.

OW!

OOH!

SEX. SEX.

UH-HUH. [ Panting ]

[ As woman ] OH! I'M CLOSE!

[ As man ] I'M CLOSE! I'M CLOSE!

ORGASM!

Go, go, go, go, go, go.

[ MONITOR BEEPING ]

COME ON, HONEY.

YOU'RE DOING GREAT.

KEEP PUSHING.

[ As woman ] I CAN'T DO IT!

[ As man ] I CAN SEE THE HEAD!

IT'S CROWNING!

[ As baby ] WAAH!

WAAH!

WAAH!

WAAH!

WAAAAAAH!

MAMA.

[ Normal voice ] THANK YOU SO

MUCH.

[ Voice breaking ] THAT WAS FOR

MY MOM AND DAD.

I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH.

THANK YOU.

[ SCATTERED APPLAUSE ]

[ SOBBING ]

[ DOOR OPENS ]

>> HEY.

HONEY.

YOU'RE BACK.

HOW'D THE TALENT SHOW GO?

>> Jon: I GOT 18th PLACE.

[ CHUCKLES ]

>> WELL, I'M SURE YOUR MOM'S

STILL GONNA BE SO PROUD.

>> Jon: KIM, I FOUND OUT MY

PARENTS WERE KILLED THIS

WEEKEND.

I, UH --

>> I KNOW.

>> Jon: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU

KNOW?

KIM?

OH...MY...GOD.

WOW.

>> JON, I'M SORRY. I FEEL AWFUL.

>> Jon: I FORGIVE --

[ KNOCK ON DOOR ]

>> GUYS, SORRY.

DON'T WORRY. CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.

I KNOW YOU'RE GETTING DOWN TO

SOME GRIEVANCE SEX.

I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW

THAT I GOT EARPLUGS, SO I CAN'T

HEAR ANYTHING.

BE AS LOUD AS YOU LIKE.

IF YOU NEED ME, I'LL BE RIGHT

OUTSIDE.

BUT OTHERWISE, DON'T EVEN WORRY

ABOUT THE FACT THAT I'M RIGHT

OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

[ BOTH LAUGH ]

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, NOW THAT WE

KNOW IT'S YOU UNDER THE MASK,

MAYBE, UH...

TAKE THIS PARTY OVER HERE.

>> YOU WANT TO CHEAT WITH

DAPHNE.

>> Jon: YOU KNOW, I GOT TO TELL

YOU -- I COULD USE SOME SYMPATHY

SEX RIGHT ABOUT NOW.

I MEAN, UH, BAD.

>> OH, JON.

>> Jon: COME ON.

N-NO. NO, NO. NO, NO.

GO GET THE, UH, FEED BAG AND THE

OATS AND RIDE ME.

>> NO, HONEY.

I'M NOT RIDING YOU WITH THE FEED

BAG AND THE OATS.

>> Jon: BUT THAT'S WHAT WE'RE

DOING.

>> NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE

DOING, JON.

>> Jon: YES, IT IS.

YOU'RE DAPHNE, AND YOU'RE GONNA

RIDE ME.

>> DAPHNE CAN RIDE YOU WITHOUT

THE FEED BAG AND THE OATS.

>> Jon: WHAT IS THE WHOLE POINT

OF AGREEING TO SOMETHING IF,

THEN, TWO SECONDS LATER, YOU'RE

GONNA DISAGREE?

>> YOU KNOW WHAT?

LET'S JUST FORGET IT.

[ SIGHS ]

>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.

>> [ SIGHS ]