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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,602 --> 00:00:03,242 >> Jon: [ Distorted ] WHAT 2 00:00:03,237 --> 00:00:04,467 HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE A FAMILY 3 00:00:04,472 --> 00:00:05,642 FROM THE WITNESS PROTECTION 4 00:00:05,639 --> 00:00:06,209 PROGRAM... 5 00:00:06,207 --> 00:00:07,477 >> Susan: MOVE THEM TO NEW YORK 6 00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:07,905 CITY... 7 00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,138 >> David: AND GIVE THEM THEIR 8 00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:09,943 OWN REALITY SHOW? 9 00:00:09,943 --> 00:00:11,883 >> * DA-DA-DA-DA, DO-DO 10 00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:12,979 >> Jon: PREVIOUSLY ON 11 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,080 "DELOCATED!"... 12 00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:15,222 I'M JON, BY THE WAY. 13 00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:15,776 >> KIM. 14 00:00:15,783 --> 00:00:17,293 >> Jon: GOT ME A GIRLFRIEND. 15 00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:18,715 STOP BEING A LITTLE BITCH. 16 00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:19,949 START YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 17 00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,223 >> I'M RAY, YOUR CADDY FOR THE 18 00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:21,562 DAY. 19 00:00:21,555 --> 00:00:22,655 I JUST WANTED TO INTRODUCE 20 00:00:22,656 --> 00:00:23,816 MYSELF. 21 00:00:23,824 --> 00:00:25,634 >> Jon: IS THAT A FAKE MUSTACHE? 22 00:00:25,626 --> 00:00:26,086 >> NO. 23 00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,604 >> HEY, IT'S AMERICA'S NEWEST 24 00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:28,495 REALITY-TV STAR. 25 00:00:28,496 --> 00:00:30,096 >> Jon: YOU SENT THE CAMERA CREW 26 00:00:30,098 --> 00:00:31,668 TO COVER THE GUY TRYING TO KILL 27 00:00:31,665 --> 00:00:31,995 ME? 28 00:00:31,999 --> 00:00:32,929 ARE YOU INSANE? 29 00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,943 >> I'M JUST GLAD THAT CARS DON'T 30 00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,265 RUN ON VODKA. 31 00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:36,970 [ LAUGHTER ] 32 00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:37,770 >> [ GRUNTS ] 33 00:00:37,771 --> 00:00:38,441 [ GUNSHOT ] 34 00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:40,169 >> [ GRUNTING ] 35 00:00:40,174 --> 00:00:42,944 >> Jon: STILL ALIVE! 36 00:01:00,961 --> 00:01:03,331 >> SERGEI MIRMINSKY? 37 00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:06,331 >> DA. 38 00:01:06,334 --> 00:01:08,174 >> YOUR BROTHER YVGENY IS NO 39 00:01:08,169 --> 00:01:10,169 LONGER IN CHARGE OF KILLING JON. 40 00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:11,171 WE WANT YOU TO DO IT. 41 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:12,172 >> IT'S ABOUT TIME. 42 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,673 >> BUT YOU ARE NOT TO KILL HIM 43 00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,784 RIGHT AWAY. 44 00:01:15,776 --> 00:01:17,546 WE WANT YOU TO START PICKING OFF 45 00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,345 EVERYONE AROUND HIM, ONE BY ONE. 46 00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,517 >> YES. 47 00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,445 FIRST YOU KILL THE SOUL, THEN 48 00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,991 YOU KILL THE MAN. 49 00:01:25,986 --> 00:01:28,716 WHO DO YOU WANT KILLED FIRST? 50 00:01:28,722 --> 00:01:30,022 >> ENTIRELY UP TO YOU. 51 00:01:30,023 --> 00:01:32,363 JUST PICK ANYONE TO BEGIN. 52 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:35,200 SO...WE'RE GOOD? 53 00:01:35,196 --> 00:01:37,866 >> YEAH, WE'RE GOOD. 54 00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,725 THIS WILL BE A PLEASURE. 55 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:40,573 >> ALL RIGHT. 56 00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:41,898 [ CHUCKLES ] 57 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:43,372 LOOKS LIKE SEASON 2 OF 58 00:01:43,371 --> 00:01:45,341 "DELOCATED!" IS GONNA BE PRETTY 59 00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,379 AMAZING. 60 00:01:54,515 --> 00:01:56,575 >> I START WITH YOU. 61 00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:57,424 [ GUNSHOT ] 62 00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,748 [ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ] 63 00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,823 >> * BA-BA BA-BA 64 00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,162 * BA BA-DA DA 65 00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,527 * LA-LA LA-LA 66 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:06,356 >> * YEAH, YEAH 67 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,200 >> * BA-BA BA-BA 68 00:02:08,196 --> 00:02:09,526 * BA BA-DA DA 69 00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:13,270 * LA-LA LA-LA 70 00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:16,437 >> Jon: HEY, JAY! 71 00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,407 GOT YOU SOMETHING, BUDDY. 72 00:02:18,406 --> 00:02:19,506 HEADS-UP. COMING THROUGH. 73 00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:21,507 [ CHUCKLES ] 74 00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:24,684 YOU SHAVED. 75 00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:26,508 >> WHAT? 76 00:02:26,514 --> 00:02:28,584 >> OH. YEAH. 77 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:29,082 YEAH. 78 00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,952 >> Jon: IT WORKS FOR YOU, BUDDY. 79 00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:31,951 KEEP THAT LOOK. 80 00:02:31,952 --> 00:02:33,892 DYNAMITE. 81 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:38,761 * SQUEE-BOP 82 00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:40,189 * SQUEE-DE-LOP SQUEE-BOP 83 00:02:40,194 --> 00:02:41,134 * A-SQUEE-DOP 84 00:02:41,128 --> 00:02:43,098 * THERE IS THE GIRLFRIEND OF THE 85 00:02:43,096 --> 00:02:46,026 GUY WHOSE SHOW JUST GOT PICKED 86 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:46,873 UP * 87 00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:47,397 * YEAH 88 00:02:47,401 --> 00:02:48,471 >> [ CHUCKLES ] JON -- 89 00:02:48,469 --> 00:02:49,799 >> Jon: NO, NO, NO. HOLD ON. 90 00:02:49,803 --> 00:02:51,713 GOT YOU SOME CELEBRATORY ROSES. 91 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:52,405 AND, UH...BOOP! 92 00:02:52,406 --> 00:02:53,436 [ French accent ] HELLO! 93 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:54,611 IT'S ME -- MONSIEUR BAGUETTE. 94 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:55,938 [ Normal voice ] OH, AND MIKE'S 95 00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,143 NEPHEW WAS SELLING CHOCOLATES 96 00:02:57,144 --> 00:02:58,084 FOR HIS SOCCER TEAM. 97 00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,248 I GOT YOU A COUPLE BOXES OF 98 00:02:59,247 --> 00:02:59,607 THOSE. 99 00:02:59,613 --> 00:03:00,153 >> JON -- 100 00:03:00,147 --> 00:03:01,377 >> Jon: HOLD ON. JUST LISTEN. 101 00:03:01,382 --> 00:03:02,322 I GOT ONE MORE THING. 102 00:03:02,316 --> 00:03:03,616 I KNOW THINGS WERE CRAZY AT THE 103 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:04,447 END OF SEASON 1. 104 00:03:04,452 --> 00:03:05,792 THINGS ARE GONNA BE GREAT FOR 105 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:06,416 SEASON 2. 106 00:03:06,420 --> 00:03:07,720 >> PLEASE DON'T REFER TO OUR 107 00:03:07,721 --> 00:03:08,591 LIFE AS "SEASONS." 108 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,759 >> Jon: OBVIOUSLY YOU ARE 109 00:03:09,757 --> 00:03:11,227 FEELING THE SAME WAY, 'CAUSE YOU 110 00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:12,555 ARE PACKING FOR A MUCH-NEEDED 111 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,130 VACATION. 112 00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:14,456 >> JON, I'M NOT PACKING FOR A 113 00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:15,002 VACATION. 114 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,325 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT, WE'LL STAY 115 00:03:16,330 --> 00:03:16,760 HERE. 116 00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:17,904 WE'LL HAVE A STAYCATION. 117 00:03:17,898 --> 00:03:18,668 OR EVEN BETTER. 118 00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:22,136 CHECK INTO THE HOTEL JON. 119 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:23,795 HAVE A LAYCATION. 120 00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,844 CHECK INTO THE MEAT SUITE. 121 00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,409 * UP AND DOWN ALL NIGHT, MAKE 122 00:03:27,408 --> 00:03:29,108 YOU FEEL ALL RIGHT AT THE MEAT 123 00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:29,579 SUITE * 124 00:03:29,577 --> 00:03:30,777 >> NOT GONNA STAY IN THE MEAT 125 00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:31,178 SUITE. 126 00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:32,408 >> Jon: * YOU'LL BE THE PILLOW 127 00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,683 AT THE MEAT SUITE * 128 00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,521 WE'LL DO A LITTLE... 129 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:35,275 * JONKE-CHE-KONK 130 00:03:35,283 --> 00:03:36,453 * KA-CHONK-A-CHONK-KA-CHONK 131 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:36,850 >> NOPE. 132 00:03:36,850 --> 00:03:38,490 >> Jon: * MEAT SUITE MARATHON 133 00:03:38,486 --> 00:03:39,246 TONIGHT * 134 00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:40,523 * MEAT SUITE MARATHON, FEEL ALL 135 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:40,991 RIGHT * 136 00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:42,188 >> JON, I'M BREAKING UP WITH 137 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:42,519 YOU. 138 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:43,593 >> Jon: * BA-NAH-BA -- 139 00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,361 WHAT'S THAT? 140 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,028 >> I SAID I'M BREAKING UP WITH 141 00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:47,296 YOU, BECAUSE I JUST -- 142 00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:48,425 >> Jon: WHAT IS IT? 143 00:03:48,429 --> 00:03:49,629 [ TOILET FLUSHES ] 144 00:03:49,630 --> 00:03:51,700 >> SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOUR FACE. 145 00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:52,669 >> Jon: WHAT'S UP, BIG RY? 146 00:03:52,666 --> 00:03:53,696 HOW'S THAT BIKE RIDE, DUDE? 147 00:03:53,701 --> 00:03:54,271 GIVE ME TWO. 148 00:03:54,268 --> 00:03:55,338 >> WE DIDN'T EVEN GET A CHANCE 149 00:03:55,336 --> 00:03:57,436 TO GO ON THE BIKE RIDE YET. 150 00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:58,838 ALL WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT IS 151 00:03:58,839 --> 00:04:00,139 HOW MUCH SHE HATES YOUR FACE. 152 00:04:00,140 --> 00:04:00,670 >> RYAN. 153 00:04:00,674 --> 00:04:01,544 >> Jon: EXCUSE ME? 154 00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:02,842 >> YEAH. TELL HIM. 155 00:04:02,843 --> 00:04:04,653 >> JON, HONEY, WHEN YOU CAME TO 156 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,345 THE FUNERAL HOME WITHOUT YOUR 157 00:04:06,347 --> 00:04:08,177 MASK ON, IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I 158 00:04:08,181 --> 00:04:09,381 HAD SEEN YOUR FACE. 159 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,223 >> Jon: YOU WERE PSYCHED, RIGHT? 160 00:04:11,218 --> 00:04:12,548 >> I LOVE YOU, JON. 161 00:04:12,553 --> 00:04:14,463 IT'S JUST YOU'RE NOT MY TYPE 162 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:15,315 PHYSICALLY. 163 00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:16,523 >> Jon: SWEETIE, I HEAR WHAT 164 00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:17,694 YOU'RE SAYING, BUT COME ON. 165 00:04:17,691 --> 00:04:18,561 I GOT THE MASK BACK. 166 00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:19,829 USE THE POWER OF IMAGINATION. 167 00:04:19,827 --> 00:04:21,057 I CAN BE ANYONE YOU WANT UNDER 168 00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:21,461 HERE. 169 00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:22,362 >> I TRIED THAT. 170 00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:24,033 I JUST KEEP PICTURING YOUR FACE. 171 00:04:24,031 --> 00:04:24,501 AND -- 172 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:25,698 >> ASK HER ABOUT THE POEM. 173 00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:27,029 >> RYAN, THAT WAS SOMETHING I 174 00:04:27,034 --> 00:04:27,704 SENT TO YOU. 175 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,001 >> WELL, I PUT IT UP ON THE 176 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,302 INTERNET. 177 00:04:30,304 --> 00:04:30,974 >> WHAT?! 178 00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:31,571 >> YEAH. 179 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:32,642 >> TAKE IT DOWN. 180 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,370 >> I CAN'T. 181 00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,084 IT'S ALREADY OUT THERE. 182 00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:35,635 >> RYAN. 183 00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:36,683 >> ALL RIGHT, FINE. 184 00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:37,707 I'LL TAKE IT DOWN. 185 00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:38,581 >> YEAH -- TODAY. 186 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,079 >> OKAY. 187 00:04:40,080 --> 00:04:41,520 >> GET UP! GO! 188 00:04:41,515 --> 00:04:42,575 >> Jon: HIT THE ROAD, JACK. 189 00:04:42,583 --> 00:04:43,183 >> ALL RIGHT. 190 00:04:43,183 --> 00:04:43,853 [ DOOR CLOSES ] 191 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:44,921 >> Jon: LET'S TALK ABOUT THAT 192 00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:45,318 POEM. 193 00:04:45,319 --> 00:04:46,489 >> IT'S REALLY NOTHING TO TALK 194 00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:46,847 ABOUT. 195 00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:48,024 IT WAS JUST SOMETHING I WROTE 196 00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:48,891 WHEN I WAS FRUSTRATED. 197 00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:49,919 >> Jon: DOESN'T SOUND LIKE 198 00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:50,393 NOTHING. 199 00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:51,261 IT'S ON THE INTERNET. 200 00:04:51,258 --> 00:04:52,258 >> YEAH, BUT IT'S NOTHING. 201 00:04:52,259 --> 00:04:53,429 >> Jon: YEAH, BUT IT'S ON THE 202 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:53,887 INTERNET. 203 00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:54,734 >> YEAH, BUT IT'S -- 204 00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,528 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 205 00:04:56,530 --> 00:04:58,100 >> Mike: YES. 206 00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,268 YEAH, HE -- HE'S HERE RIGHT NOW. 207 00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,667 CAN YOU -- 208 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,910 I'LL TELL HIM. 209 00:05:05,906 --> 00:05:08,106 IT'S SETH. 210 00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:09,908 HE'S BEEN MURDERED. 211 00:05:09,910 --> 00:05:11,950 >> Jon: WHAT?! 212 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,705 WAIT. LIKE FIRED? 213 00:05:13,714 --> 00:05:15,054 >> Mike: HE'S DEAD. 214 00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,048 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD. 215 00:05:16,049 --> 00:05:17,119 >> JON, I'M SO SORRY. 216 00:05:17,117 --> 00:05:18,087 >> Jon: HE'S DEAD? 217 00:05:18,085 --> 00:05:19,515 LIKE HE DOESN'T HAVE HIS JOB 218 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,050 ANYMORE? 219 00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,093 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 220 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:22,018 IS THIS TV LINGO? 221 00:05:22,022 --> 00:05:23,022 I DON'T UNDERSTAND. 222 00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,023 >> Mike: HE'S GONE. 223 00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:25,534 >> Jon: HOW IS HE CALLING YOU ON 224 00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:26,626 THE PHONE IF HE'S DEAD? 225 00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:28,097 HOW CAN HE BE MURDERED AND CALL 226 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:28,425 YOU? 227 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:29,859 >> Mike: THE AGENCY CALLED ME. 228 00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:31,433 THEY FOUND HIS BODY. 229 00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,402 HE'S DEAD. 230 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:34,701 >> LOOK, BABY, W-WE'RE GONNA GET 231 00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:35,902 THROUGH THIS TOGETHER, OKAY? 232 00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,413 I'M HERE FOR YOU. 233 00:05:37,405 --> 00:05:40,035 >> Jon: TALK ABOUT A FRRT. 234 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,010 [ RUSSIAN FOLK MUSIC PLAYS ] 235 00:05:55,756 --> 00:05:56,456 [ LAUGHTER ] 236 00:05:56,457 --> 00:05:58,087 >> HEY! YOU MADE IT! 237 00:05:58,091 --> 00:06:00,091 HEY, THIS IS MY FRIEND AND 238 00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:02,133 FELLOW COMEDIAN TODD BARRY. 239 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,829 >> HOW'S IT GOING? 240 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,601 >> HEY! 241 00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,603 [ ALL SINGING IN RUSSIAN ] 242 00:06:13,907 --> 00:06:16,007 [ GUNSHOT ] 243 00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:19,649 >> HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YVGENY. 244 00:06:19,647 --> 00:06:22,447 HOW IS LITTLE BROTHER? 245 00:06:22,450 --> 00:06:25,250 HEY, DID YOU ALL HEAR? 246 00:06:25,252 --> 00:06:27,662 YVGENY IS NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF 247 00:06:27,655 --> 00:06:30,015 KILLING JON. 248 00:06:30,023 --> 00:06:32,263 I GET THE CALL LAST WEEK, AND 249 00:06:32,259 --> 00:06:34,599 THEY SAY, "SERGEI, WE NEED YOU. 250 00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:36,625 WE NEED A REAL MAN. 251 00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:38,830 WE NEED A REAL MIRMINSKY TO GET 252 00:06:38,832 --> 00:06:41,472 THE JOB DONE." 253 00:06:41,469 --> 00:06:43,439 LET'S HAVE SOME CAKE. 254 00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,366 NO, TH DIDN'T SAY, "LET'S HAVE 255 00:06:47,374 --> 00:06:48,184 SOME CAKE." 256 00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:49,775 I'M SAYING NOW -- LET'S HAVE 257 00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:50,507 SOME CAKE. 258 00:06:50,511 --> 00:06:51,181 [ BLOWS ] 259 00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,608 WHY ARE YOU STANDING THERE? 260 00:06:52,613 --> 00:06:54,183 IT'S MY BROTHER'S BIRTHDAY! 261 00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:55,481 LET'S HAVE SOME CAKE! 262 00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:58,023 COME ON! LET'S HAVE SOME CAKE! 263 00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,988 EAT THE CAKE! 264 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:05,189 COME, YVGENY. 265 00:07:05,192 --> 00:07:06,562 DON'T WORRY. 266 00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:08,060 YOU'RE STILL NEEDED. 267 00:07:08,061 --> 00:07:11,301 YOU WILL BE MY DRIVER. 268 00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:12,968 >> HEY. HOW'S IT GOING? 269 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:14,496 I'M TODD BARRY. 270 00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:16,802 COMEDIAN. 271 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:17,914 [ CHUCKLES ] 272 00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,865 CRAZY NIGHT, HUH? 273 00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:26,482 >> Jon: SHOULDN'T YOU NOT BE 274 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:27,080 EATING THOSE? 275 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:27,720 >> Mike: OH. 276 00:07:27,715 --> 00:07:29,015 I'M JUST TAKING A LITTLE FROM 277 00:07:29,016 --> 00:07:29,516 EACH BOX. 278 00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,417 NO ONE WILL NOTICE. 279 00:07:30,417 --> 00:07:30,817 >> NO! 280 00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:32,188 NO, YOU'RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! 281 00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,485 OKAY, LOOK, I'M GONNA HANG UP. 282 00:07:33,487 --> 00:07:34,717 I WANT YOU TO CLEAN YOUR EARS 283 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:35,992 OUT, AND I'LL CALL YOU BACK. 284 00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,189 THANK YOU. 285 00:07:38,191 --> 00:07:40,861 JON, MIKE, IT'S AN ABSOLUTE 286 00:07:40,861 --> 00:07:41,761 PLEASURE. 287 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:43,202 I'M MIGHTY JOE JON, THE BLACK 288 00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:43,696 BLOND. 289 00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:44,867 I'M YOUR NEW EXECUTIVE. 290 00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:46,025 I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. 291 00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:46,873 I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. 292 00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,237 MIGHTY JOE JON, THE BLACK 293 00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:48,735 BLOND. 294 00:07:48,736 --> 00:07:49,996 I'M YOUR NEW EXECUTIVE. 295 00:07:50,003 --> 00:07:50,703 ALL RIGHT? 296 00:07:50,704 --> 00:07:51,674 [ CLAPS HANDS ] 297 00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:52,612 LET'S DO IT UP! 298 00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,166 JON, I THINK YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY 299 00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,044 RIGHT WITH KIM. 300 00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:56,542 YOU NEED TO START THINKING OF 301 00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:57,684 YOUR LIFE IN SEASONS. 302 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:58,508 >> Jon: THANK YOU. 303 00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,752 I MEAN, IT MAKES SENSE, RIGHT? 304 00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:01,047 >> AND I LOVE IT WHEN YOU MAKE 305 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:01,848 THE "FRRT" NOISE. 306 00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:03,049 BUT WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME BETTER 307 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:03,780 RE-ACKS FROM YOU. 308 00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,254 >> Jon: WHAT'S A RE-ACK? 309 00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,622 >> REACTIONS. RE-ACK. 310 00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:07,720 CHECK THAT OUT. 311 00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:10,091 STUDY IT. OKAY? 312 00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:11,360 HERE'S THE NEXT THING! 313 00:08:11,358 --> 00:08:12,728 I HAVE BEEN IN TALKS WITH 314 00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:14,256 C+C MUSIC FACTORY ABOUT THEM 315 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,561 REMAKING THEIR BIG HIT. 316 00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:16,933 BUT INSTEAD, THIS TIME, IT'S 317 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:18,270 CALLED -- WHAT'S THAT SAY? 318 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:19,865 >> Jon: "THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO 319 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:20,297 FRRT." 320 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,030 [ CHUCKLES ] 321 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,304 >> LOOK, GUYS, CRAZY DAY. 322 00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:23,872 A LOT OF BAD STUFF HAS HAPPENED. 323 00:08:23,871 --> 00:08:24,741 SO I GOT TO FLY. 324 00:08:24,738 --> 00:08:26,368 BUT, UH... 325 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:28,243 ANY NOTES? WE ALL GOOD? 326 00:08:28,241 --> 00:08:29,141 >> Jon: UH... 327 00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,382 >> ALL RIGHT. GOOD. 328 00:08:30,377 --> 00:08:31,607 GOOD MEETING, GUYS. 329 00:08:31,612 --> 00:08:33,412 >> Mike: WHAT A DICK. 330 00:08:33,413 --> 00:08:34,583 >> Jon: I DON'T KNOW. 331 00:08:34,582 --> 00:08:35,722 I KIND OF LIKED HIM. 332 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:36,476 >> HEY! 333 00:08:36,483 --> 00:08:38,453 MY TWO FAVORITE RUSSKIES! 334 00:08:38,451 --> 00:08:39,821 MIKE JOE JON, THE BLACK BLOND. 335 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:40,420 WHAT'S UP? 336 00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:42,320 >> SHUT UP! STOP TALKING! 337 00:08:42,322 --> 00:08:44,932 SIT! 338 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:46,755 >> Jon: SEE YOU, BUDDY! 339 00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:48,730 PSYCHED FOR THE BOOK! 340 00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,629 >> FIRST OF ALL, THE WHOLE THING 341 00:08:50,631 --> 00:08:52,171 ABOUT NOT KILLING JON BUT 342 00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,965 KILLING THE PEOPLE AROUND HIM -- 343 00:08:53,967 --> 00:08:56,497 YOU DON'T TELL US WHAT TO DO. 344 00:08:56,503 --> 00:08:58,113 WE TELL YOU WHAT TO DO. 345 00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:58,965 UNDERSTAND? 346 00:08:58,972 --> 00:08:59,642 >> YES. 347 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:01,310 >> WE WILL TORMENT JON'S SOUL 348 00:09:01,308 --> 00:09:03,078 UNTIL IT DRIVES HIM TO MADNESS. 349 00:09:03,076 --> 00:09:04,406 THE WORLD WILL KNOW THE 350 00:09:04,411 --> 00:09:06,011 MIRMINSKYS FOR WHO WE REALLY 351 00:09:06,013 --> 00:09:08,283 ARE -- A FORCE TO BE FEARED, NOT 352 00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,351 BE REVILED, LIKE THIS BUMBLING 353 00:09:10,350 --> 00:09:12,290 VODKA-LOVING KAFLOOTZ WHO ISN'T 354 00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:12,845 FUNNY. 355 00:09:12,853 --> 00:09:14,293 >> SHUT UP. I AM F-- 356 00:09:14,287 --> 00:09:16,187 >> YOU'RE NOT, YVGENY! 357 00:09:16,189 --> 00:09:18,329 IN ANY CASE, IT IS NOT A SILLY 358 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:19,525 COMEDY ANYMORE. 359 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,256 IT'S A SILLY DRAMA, BECAUSE I 360 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:22,631 SAY SO. 361 00:09:22,630 --> 00:09:24,970 UNLESS...YOU WANT TO MEET WITH 362 00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,365 THE SAME FATE AS SETH. 363 00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,126 >> UH, NO. 364 00:09:27,134 --> 00:09:28,674 YEAH, I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT. 365 00:09:28,669 --> 00:09:29,539 I AGREE. 366 00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,936 >> OH. 367 00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,169 OKAY. 368 00:09:33,173 --> 00:09:34,013 >> ALL RIGHT. 369 00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:34,637 >> GREAT. 370 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,382 >> [ Chuckling ] GREAT. 371 00:09:36,376 --> 00:09:38,276 >> GIVE ME YOUR JACKET. 372 00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:38,808 >> HMM? 373 00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,182 >> YOUR JACKET -- I LIKE IT! 374 00:09:40,180 --> 00:09:41,050 GIVE IT TO ME! 375 00:09:41,048 --> 00:09:42,178 >> THIS ONE, RIGHT? 376 00:09:42,182 --> 00:09:45,652 >> YES. 377 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:47,863 NICE. 378 00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:49,815 >> HEY, GOOD NOTES, YOU GUYS. 379 00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,203 >> HEY, HONEY, CAN I ASK YOU 380 00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,327 SOMETHING WITHOUT YOU GETTING 381 00:09:58,331 --> 00:09:58,971 MAD? 382 00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,726 >> Jon: PROBABLY NOT. 383 00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:01,644 [ LAUGHS ] 384 00:10:01,635 --> 00:10:03,695 >> [ CHUCKLES ] 385 00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,014 >> Jon: OF COURSE YOU CAN. 386 00:10:05,005 --> 00:10:06,205 >> UM... 387 00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:07,336 DO YOU THINK YOU COULD STOP 388 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,580 WEARING ALL THE BEARDS AND THE 389 00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:08,975 WIGS? 390 00:10:08,976 --> 00:10:09,706 >> Jon: NO WAY. 391 00:10:09,710 --> 00:10:11,040 NOT UNTIL WE FIND A SWEET LOOK 392 00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,314 THAT TAKES YOUR MIND OFF MY 393 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:12,682 FACE. 394 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:13,910 MAYBE THIS LOOK RIGHT HERE, 395 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,224 IT'LL INSPIRE ANOTHER POEM. 396 00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,215 YOU CAN PUT IT ON YouTube. 397 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:16,976 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 398 00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:17,524 >> ALL RIGHT. 399 00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:18,647 >> Jon: WHY DON'T YOU DO THAT? 400 00:10:18,652 --> 00:10:19,322 >> MAYBE I WILL. 401 00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:21,349 >> Mike: YEAH? 402 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,994 YEAH. 403 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:25,990 ALL R-- ALL RIGHT. 404 00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:28,203 RAY'S JUST BEEN MURDERED. 405 00:10:28,195 --> 00:10:29,555 >> Jon: WHAT? 406 00:10:29,562 --> 00:10:31,532 WAS IT THE MIRMINSKYS? 407 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,172 >> SWEETIE, I'M SO SORRY. 408 00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:37,069 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD. 409 00:10:37,070 --> 00:10:37,600 WHY RAY?! 410 00:10:37,604 --> 00:10:39,044 HE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANY OF 411 00:10:39,039 --> 00:10:39,409 THIS! 412 00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:39,936 GOD! 413 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:41,610 NO, I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! 414 00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:42,608 [ GRUNTS ] 415 00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:45,509 OH, MY GOD! IT'S CRAZY! 416 00:10:45,512 --> 00:10:47,722 >> [ CHUCKLES ] 417 00:10:47,715 --> 00:10:50,575 HE IS ALREADY LOSING HIS MIND. 418 00:10:50,583 --> 00:10:53,393 I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS, YVGENY. 419 00:10:54,421 --> 00:10:56,391 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD! HE'S DEAD! 420 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,289 OH, MY GOD! 421 00:10:58,291 --> 00:10:59,931 >> UH-HUH. 422 00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:00,357 YES! 423 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,760 THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WAS 424 00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:02,902 TALKING ABOUT, MAN! 425 00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:03,796 GREAT RE-ACK! 426 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:05,567 LOOK, I'VE BEEN ON THE PHONE ALL 427 00:11:05,565 --> 00:11:07,065 MORNING WITH GREGSON FOODS. 428 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,297 YOU KNOW WHO THEY ARE? 429 00:11:08,301 --> 00:11:09,041 >> Jon: YEAH. 430 00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,396 >> WE'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT A 431 00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:11,713 LINE OF JON-INSPIRED SNACKS. 432 00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,935 CHECK THIS OUT. 433 00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:18,312 IT'S NOT BEEF JERKY. 434 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,911 IT'S GRIEF JERKY. 435 00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,053 BOOM! 436 00:11:21,048 --> 00:11:21,878 HMM? 437 00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:23,422 >> Jon: YEAH. CATCHY NAME. 438 00:11:23,416 --> 00:11:24,946 >> BUDDY, LOOK, I KNOW PEOPLE 439 00:11:24,952 --> 00:11:26,622 ARE DYING ALL AROUND YOU, BUT IF 440 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,159 YOU KEEP FLIPPING OUT THE WAY 441 00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:29,815 YOU ARE, WE'RE GONNA BE FLIPPING 442 00:11:29,823 --> 00:11:31,163 ALL THE WAY TO THE BANK! 443 00:11:31,158 --> 00:11:31,988 HMM? 444 00:11:31,992 --> 00:11:32,992 * FLIPPIN' ALL THE WAY TO THE 445 00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:33,463 BANK * 446 00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,590 * FLIPPIN' ALL THE WAY TO THE 447 00:11:34,594 --> 00:11:35,064 BANK * 448 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:35,602 YOU SING IT. 449 00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,725 >> Jon: * FLIPPIN' ALL THE WAY 450 00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:37,770 TO THE BANK * 451 00:11:37,765 --> 00:11:38,665 * FLIPPIN' ALL THE WAY TO THE 452 00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:39,125 BANK * 453 00:11:39,132 --> 00:11:39,632 >> SING IT. 454 00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:40,472 >> Jon: * FLIP IT 455 00:11:40,467 --> 00:11:41,467 * BANK IT 456 00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:42,568 * DEPOSIT THE MONEY 457 00:11:42,569 --> 00:11:42,999 >> MM! 458 00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:43,943 >> Jon: * FLIP BANK 459 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:44,837 * FLIP TO THE FLIP BANK 460 00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:45,408 * FLIP 461 00:11:45,405 --> 00:11:47,265 [ LAUGHS ] 462 00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:48,314 >> I LOVE IT. I LOVE IT. 463 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,638 OH, AND I LOVE THE WIGS AND THE 464 00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:50,742 MUSTACHE -- ALL THAT STUFF. 465 00:11:50,744 --> 00:11:51,954 GREAT TOUCH. 466 00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:53,475 >> Jon: KIM IS GONNA BLOW HER 467 00:11:53,480 --> 00:11:54,780 LOAD WHEN SHE SEES THIS. 468 00:11:54,782 --> 00:11:55,482 AM I RIGHT? 469 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:56,522 [ CELLPHONE RINGS ] 470 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:58,146 >> Mike: HELLO? 471 00:11:58,151 --> 00:11:59,151 YEAH. 472 00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,992 UH, YEAH. UM... 473 00:12:01,989 --> 00:12:05,689 YEAH. OKAY. 474 00:12:05,692 --> 00:12:07,662 WE NEED TO TALK. 475 00:12:10,463 --> 00:12:12,633 >> HELLO? 476 00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:19,012 YEAH, I-I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. 477 00:12:19,006 --> 00:12:21,236 JON'S PARENTS WERE MURDERED. 478 00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,650 >> Jon: [ CRYING ] 479 00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:35,718 >> KIM. 480 00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,192 MIGHTY JOE JON, THE BLACK BLOND. 481 00:12:37,190 --> 00:12:38,660 I'M THE NEW TV EXECUTIVE. 482 00:12:38,658 --> 00:12:40,858 >> NOT RIGHT NOW, PLEASE. 483 00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:42,501 HI, BABY. 484 00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,825 HI, SWEETIE. 485 00:12:44,832 --> 00:12:46,072 HI. 486 00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,196 IT'S OKAY. 487 00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,300 >> Jon: [ CRYING ] 488 00:12:48,301 --> 00:12:51,201 >> IT'S OKAY. SHH. 489 00:12:51,204 --> 00:12:53,544 HEY. HEY. 490 00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,210 SHH. 491 00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,910 IT'S OKAY. 492 00:12:58,912 --> 00:13:01,082 IT'S GONNA BE OKAY. 493 00:13:01,081 --> 00:13:03,051 OKAY? 494 00:13:05,385 --> 00:13:07,345 [ BOTH MOANING ] 495 00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,088 >> Jon: UH, HEY, MAN, GET YOUR 496 00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,833 HANDS OFF MY GIRL. 497 00:13:14,828 --> 00:13:16,798 [ LAUGHING ] 498 00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,210 >> WHAT IN THE [BLEEP] IS GOING 499 00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,435 ON?! 500 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,339 >> Jon: I GOT A PERM! 501 00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:28,911 [ LAUGHS ] 502 00:13:28,909 --> 00:13:30,109 >> Mike: IT'S OBVIOUS THE 503 00:13:30,110 --> 00:13:31,510 MIRMINSKYS HAVE STEPPED THINGS 504 00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:31,851 UP. 505 00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,205 THE GOVERNMENT'S LAUNCHED A 506 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,683 PROGRAM CALLED "OPERATION MANY 507 00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,081 JONS." 508 00:13:35,082 --> 00:13:36,682 WE'VE DISPATCHED A GROUP OF 509 00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:37,253 DECOYS. 510 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:38,120 SEND THEM IN. 511 00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:39,448 >> Jon: DECOYS! 512 00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,952 HOW AWESOME IS THAT? 513 00:13:40,954 --> 00:13:41,924 CHECK IT OUT. 514 00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:42,792 LOOK AT THIS. 515 00:13:42,789 --> 00:13:44,589 >> Mike: NOW, THE DECOYS WILL BE 516 00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,361 IN HOLDING RIGHT DOWN THE HALL. 517 00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:47,959 IF JON NEEDS TO GO DOWNSTAIRS TO 518 00:13:47,961 --> 00:13:49,601 THE CORNER GROCERY TO BUY TOILET 519 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:50,896 PAPER, A DECOY GOES DOWN. 520 00:13:50,898 --> 00:13:52,398 IF JON NEEDS TO GO FOR A JOG, A 521 00:13:52,399 --> 00:13:53,969 DECOY GOES DOWN AND JON GOES TO 522 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:54,967 THE FITNESS CENTER. 523 00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,438 >> JON, ARE YOU PARENTS DEAD? 524 00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:57,196 >> Jon: NOPE. 525 00:13:57,204 --> 00:13:58,944 >> HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME?! 526 00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,069 >> Jon: HEY! [BLEEP] 527 00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:00,913 STOP IT! RELAX! 528 00:14:00,908 --> 00:14:02,378 WE GOT TO MAKE SURE THIS DECOY 529 00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:03,305 THING WORKS, OKAY? 530 00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:04,380 THAT'S WHY I DID IT. 531 00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:05,047 >> [ SIGHS ] 532 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:06,305 >> Jon: WHAT, YOU WANT ME TO 533 00:14:06,313 --> 00:14:07,483 DIE? 534 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,050 >> WHAT? 535 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:09,448 >> Jon: DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE? 536 00:14:09,449 --> 00:14:10,449 YES OR NO? 537 00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:11,890 >> NO. OF COURSE NOT. 538 00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:12,945 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT, THEN TAKE IT 539 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:13,893 EASY ABOUT ME PRETENDING MY 540 00:14:13,887 --> 00:14:14,617 PARENTS WERE KILLED. 541 00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,121 IT'S NO BIG DEAL. 542 00:14:16,123 --> 00:14:17,393 >> Mike: IF WE CAN'T FOOL YOU, 543 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,630 WE'RE NOT GONNA FOOL ANYBODY. 544 00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:19,385 >> Jon: EXACTLY. 545 00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:20,632 >> Mike: ALL RIGHT, GUYS, YOU 546 00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:21,627 CAN GO BACK TO HOLDING. 547 00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:22,828 >> Jon: WAIT. HOLD ON, GUYS. 548 00:14:22,829 --> 00:14:24,059 I WANT TO DO THAT THING. READY? 549 00:14:24,064 --> 00:14:25,734 * BA DA BA-BA-DA-BA 550 00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:26,772 >> All: FRRT! 551 00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,436 >> Jon: [ LAUGHS ] 552 00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:29,335 THANK YOU. THANK YOU. 553 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,066 THAT WAS GREAT. 554 00:14:30,070 --> 00:14:31,470 >> Mike: HEY, NO ONE'S BOUGHT 555 00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,271 ANY CANDY YET. 556 00:14:32,272 --> 00:14:33,772 >> [ Distorted ] HEY, KIM... 557 00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,413 [ Normal voice ] I'M SO SORRY WE 558 00:14:35,408 --> 00:14:36,608 HAD TO MEET LIKE THIS. 559 00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,109 I'M REALLY LOOKING FORWARD TO 560 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,281 WORKING WITH YOU GUYS. 561 00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:40,279 I'M ALSO AN ACTOR. 562 00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:40,810 >> WOW. 563 00:14:40,813 --> 00:14:42,283 >> I'M DOING AN OFF-BROADWAY 564 00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:43,152 SHOW RIGHT NOW. 565 00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:44,580 ACTUALLY, IT'S OFF-OFF-BROADWAY. 566 00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:45,824 BUT I'D LOVE FOR YOU GUYS TO 567 00:14:45,818 --> 00:14:46,518 COME TONIGHT. 568 00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:47,189 >> Jon: YEAH. 569 00:14:47,187 --> 00:14:50,517 >> LOVE FOR YOU TO BE THERE. 570 00:14:50,523 --> 00:14:52,193 >> YEAH, I'LL TAKE ONE. 571 00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:52,862 SWEET. 572 00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,029 >> I HOPE YOU GUYS CAN MAKE IT. 573 00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:54,687 >> BYE. 574 00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:55,364 >> BYE. 575 00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:57,302 >> LOOK, KIM, THIS IS GONNA BE 576 00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,267 GREAT, OKAY? 577 00:14:58,265 --> 00:14:59,765 THE MORE JONS WE HAVE, HOPEFULLY 578 00:14:59,766 --> 00:15:00,966 WE GET SOME MORE DEATHS. 579 00:15:00,968 --> 00:15:02,468 THE MORE DEATHS, BETTER RATINGS. 580 00:15:02,469 --> 00:15:03,839 THAT'S GOOD FOR YOU AND JON. 581 00:15:03,836 --> 00:15:04,596 >> Jon: YEAH. 582 00:15:04,604 --> 00:15:05,944 >> IT'S GOOD FOR ALL OF US. 583 00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:07,539 >> Jon: I AGREE. 584 00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,480 >> OKAY, LOOK, IT'S BEEN A CRAZY 585 00:15:09,476 --> 00:15:10,006 WEEK. 586 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,150 I SAY WE ALL DESERVE A FUN NIGHT 587 00:15:12,145 --> 00:15:13,145 ON THE TOWN. 588 00:15:13,146 --> 00:15:13,646 HUH? 589 00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,676 WHO'S UP FOR SOME THEATER? 590 00:15:28,828 --> 00:15:30,028 [ GUN COCKS ] 591 00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:32,330 >> YVGENY, WHY DO YOU SPEND SO 592 00:15:32,332 --> 00:15:34,132 MUCH TIME ON COMPUTER? 593 00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:36,674 >> I'M STARTING A BLOG. 594 00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,569 >> A BLOG? 595 00:15:38,571 --> 00:15:40,211 ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T MEAN 596 00:15:40,207 --> 00:15:43,537 STARTING A VODKA? 597 00:15:43,543 --> 00:15:45,083 I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO WRITE 598 00:15:45,078 --> 00:15:47,308 IN YOUR BLOG. 599 00:15:47,314 --> 00:15:49,284 HMM. 600 00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:55,519 TONIGHT, JON GOES BACK TO BEING 601 00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:56,822 BACHELOR. 602 00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,533 >> HEY, HONEY, I INVITED RYAN 603 00:15:58,525 --> 00:15:59,185 TONIGHT. 604 00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,232 >> Jon: OH, SERIOUSLY? 605 00:16:00,227 --> 00:16:00,757 >> YEAH. 606 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:01,760 >> Jon: I DON'T KNOW. 607 00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:03,231 I THOUGHT TONIGHT WE'D, UH, KEEP 608 00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,900 IT A TWOSOME. 609 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:05,867 HMM? 610 00:16:05,865 --> 00:16:07,365 A LITTLE ME-PLUS-YOU-SOME. 611 00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:07,997 >> OKAY. 612 00:16:08,001 --> 00:16:09,241 WHAT ARE YOU EATING? 613 00:16:09,236 --> 00:16:11,196 >> Jon: GRIEF JERKY. 614 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:11,904 YOU TRY IT YET? 615 00:16:11,904 --> 00:16:12,274 >> NO. 616 00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:13,072 >> Jon: IT'S GOOD. 617 00:16:13,073 --> 00:16:13,843 [ KNOCK ON DOOR ] 618 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:14,940 >> WHY DON'T YOU BRUSH YOUR 619 00:16:14,941 --> 00:16:15,881 TEETH BEFORE WE LEAVE? 620 00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:16,835 >> Jon: YEAH. NO PROBS. 621 00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:17,883 >> Mike: ALL RIGHT, GUYS. 622 00:16:17,877 --> 00:16:18,707 YOU KNOW THE DRILL. 623 00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:20,711 >> Jon: ALL RIGHT. 624 00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:21,853 OH, YEAH! 625 00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,778 LOOK AT THIS, HONEY. 626 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:25,293 SEPARATED AT BIRTH. 627 00:16:25,285 --> 00:16:27,185 [ LAUGHS ] 628 00:16:27,187 --> 00:16:28,717 TWEEDLEDEE AND TWEEDLEJON OUT 629 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,091 HERE. 630 00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,359 >> Mike: AND NOBODY GO TO THE 631 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,117 CONCESSION STAND. 632 00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,094 I'VE GOT CANDY. 633 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,204 >> HEY. 634 00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,302 DID YOU DELETE THAT POEM YET? 635 00:16:44,304 --> 00:16:45,114 >> I TRIED. 636 00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:46,865 IT'S ALREADY GONE VIRAL, THOUGH. 637 00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:47,473 >> WHAT? 638 00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:48,214 >> SORRY. 639 00:16:48,208 --> 00:16:48,808 >> RYAN -- 640 00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:49,478 >> SORRY. 641 00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:50,976 >> Jon: OH, YEAH. I'M INTO THAT. 642 00:16:50,977 --> 00:16:51,637 THERE WE GO. 643 00:16:51,644 --> 00:16:52,414 >> PLEASE, JON. 644 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:53,652 >> Jon: JUST A LITTLE PIECE 645 00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,376 BEFORE THE SHOW. 646 00:16:55,382 --> 00:16:56,582 THIS WHOLE DECOY THING'S PRETTY 647 00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,283 EXCITING, RIGHT? 648 00:16:57,284 --> 00:16:57,754 >> YEAH. 649 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:58,920 >> Jon: YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF 650 00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:00,288 GETTING ME HOT. 651 00:17:00,287 --> 00:17:00,747 >> HMM. 652 00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,123 >> Jon: MAYBE WE SHOULD GET OUT 653 00:17:02,122 --> 00:17:03,262 OF HERE, HEAD BACK TO THE 654 00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:03,916 HOTEL JON. 655 00:17:03,923 --> 00:17:05,163 >> YEAH, WE'RE NOT GOING 656 00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,488 ANYWHERE TILL YOUR BREATH 657 00:17:06,493 --> 00:17:08,463 DOESN'T STINK LIKE THAT JERKY. 658 00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:09,261 >> [ CHUCKLES ] 659 00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,732 TALK ABOUT THINGS THAT MAKE YOU 660 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,760 GO "FRRT." 661 00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:14,174 [ LAUGHS ] 662 00:17:14,167 --> 00:17:15,397 >> Jon: WE GOT A FUNNY BONES 663 00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:17,342 OVER HERE. 664 00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:18,967 Here we go. 665 00:17:18,971 --> 00:17:21,241 Hey, Spock, set cellphones to 666 00:17:21,241 --> 00:17:22,081 vibrate. 667 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:25,005 [ CHUCKLES ] 668 00:17:25,011 --> 00:17:27,511 >> A NICE NIGHT AT THE THEATER 669 00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:31,124 IS GOING TO END IN MURDER. 670 00:17:31,118 --> 00:17:35,818 SORT OF LIKE ABRAHAM LINCOLN. 671 00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:36,992 GUESS THAT MAKES ME 672 00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,829 JOHN WILKES BOOTH. 673 00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,725 OR IS IT JOHN WILKES VODKA? 674 00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,766 >> I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU FOR 675 00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:46,625 15 MINUTES. 676 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:48,443 WHAT? DO NOT PUT ME ON HOLD. 677 00:17:48,435 --> 00:17:51,135 DO NO PUT ME ON HOLD. 678 00:17:51,138 --> 00:17:52,438 >> I CAN TELL SHE'S ONE OF THOSE 679 00:17:52,439 --> 00:17:55,439 GIRLS WHO SETTLES. 680 00:17:55,442 --> 00:17:57,442 WELL, SETTLING IS FOR PEOPLE IN 681 00:17:57,444 --> 00:17:58,554 COVERED WAGONS. 682 00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,105 NOT FOR PEOPLE IN LOVE. 683 00:18:00,113 --> 00:18:01,553 ISN'T THAT WHAT WE'RE ALL 684 00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:03,448 SEARCHING FOR? 685 00:18:03,450 --> 00:18:05,450 LOVE? 686 00:18:05,452 --> 00:18:07,352 IF I HAD A GIRL LIKE THAT, I 687 00:18:07,354 --> 00:18:09,794 WOULD TREAT HER LIKE AN ANGEL. 688 00:18:09,789 --> 00:18:11,619 I WANT TO RUN OVER THERE RIGHT 689 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,464 NOW, AND I WANT TO SAY, "DON'T 690 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,190 YOU SEE?! 691 00:18:14,194 --> 00:18:15,634 HE'S NOT THE ONE!" 692 00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:17,358 MAYBE SHE'S THINKING THERE'S 693 00:18:17,364 --> 00:18:19,134 SOMEONE ELSE OUT THERE WHO'S 694 00:18:19,132 --> 00:18:19,732 BETTER. 695 00:18:19,732 --> 00:18:21,132 MAYBE SHE'S THINKING THAT 696 00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,344 SOMEONE ELSE IS ME. 697 00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:24,796 >> YOU ARE A GREAT 698 00:18:24,804 --> 00:18:26,544 DISAPPOINTMENT, YVGENY. 699 00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:27,909 YOU ARE NOT FUNNY. 700 00:18:27,907 --> 00:18:29,977 AND YOU ARE AN EMBARRASSMENT TO 701 00:18:29,976 --> 00:18:31,936 THE FAMILY. 702 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,254 >> "WHAT I THINK OF YOU," BY 703 00:18:39,252 --> 00:18:41,222 ANONYMOUS. 704 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,161 >> THAT WAS FANTASTIC! 705 00:18:46,159 --> 00:18:47,929 I MEAN, JON'S DECOY IS REALLY 706 00:18:47,927 --> 00:18:48,497 GOOD. 707 00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:49,825 >> Jon: OH, MY GOD. COME ON. 708 00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,099 HE'S TERRIBLE. 709 00:18:51,097 --> 00:18:52,027 KIM, COME ON. 710 00:18:52,031 --> 00:18:53,871 LET'S JUST HOPE HE DOES A MUCH 711 00:18:53,866 --> 00:18:55,696 BETTER JOB AS MY DECOY, OR YOU, 712 00:18:55,702 --> 00:18:57,572 MY DEAR, ARE IN A WHOLE HEAP OF 713 00:18:57,570 --> 00:18:58,540 FRRT. 714 00:18:58,538 --> 00:19:00,768 [ LAUGHTER ] 715 00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:02,583 >> YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST HE'S NOT 716 00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,075 UGLY. 717 00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,705 >> Jon: OKAY, AND WHO ARE WE 718 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,681 TALKING ABOUT? 719 00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:13,752 >> "WHAT I THINK OF YOU." 720 00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,393 "YOURS IS A FACE THAT I THOUGHT 721 00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:17,259 I KNEW. 722 00:19:17,257 --> 00:19:19,687 BUT THEN ONE DAY, QUITE OUT OF 723 00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:20,762 THE BLUE..." 724 00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,200 >> "THE REAL YOU IS REVEALED TO 725 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:23,726 ME. 726 00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:26,100 I'M SORRY TO SAY I DON'T LIKE 727 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:27,198 WHAT I SEE." 728 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:29,370 >> "EXPRESSING MYSELF WOULD HELP 729 00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:30,539 THE HURT HEAL. 730 00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,037 BUT I HOLD IN MY FEELINGS, AND 731 00:19:32,038 --> 00:19:33,608 THEY START TO CONGEAL." 732 00:19:33,606 --> 00:19:36,276 >> "A BABY WITH YOUR FACE WOULD 733 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,706 BE UGLY DOUBLED, THEN CUBED." 734 00:19:38,711 --> 00:19:40,811 >> "SO I TOOK EXTREME MEASURES 735 00:19:40,813 --> 00:19:43,883 AND TIED MY TUBES." 736 00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,823 >> THAT PART, I -- DOES NOT 737 00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:46,948 APPLY TO YOU. 738 00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:48,393 BUT I REALLY LIKE IT. 739 00:19:48,388 --> 00:19:49,388 >> "THOUGH I HAVE BEEN 740 00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:50,389 CONFLICTED, I HAD TO BE 741 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,920 STRAIGHT. 742 00:19:51,924 --> 00:19:53,734 NOW THE BALL'S IN YOUR COURT." 743 00:19:53,726 --> 00:19:55,726 >> Both: "WILL IT BOUNCE OR 744 00:19:55,728 --> 00:19:57,698 DEFLATE?" 745 00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:02,501 >> Jon: KIM. 746 00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:04,402 >> [ Chuckling ] HEY. GREAT JOB. 747 00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:06,974 >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. 748 00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,583 >> Mike: BRAVO TEAM COMING UP 749 00:20:08,575 --> 00:20:09,405 FRONT. 750 00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,839 >> "WILL IT BOUNCE OR DEFLATE?" 751 00:20:11,844 --> 00:20:14,754 [ LAUGHS ] 752 00:20:14,747 --> 00:20:17,447 YOU ARE PATHETIC, YVGENY. 753 00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:20,190 YOU ARE A LITTLE BOY. 754 00:20:20,186 --> 00:20:21,316 THERE SHE IS. 755 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:22,261 >> GIVE ME THAT! 756 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,785 >> YVGENY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 757 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:24,660 GIVE ME THE GUN. 758 00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,587 GET BACK IN THE -- 759 00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,262 [ GUNSHOT ] 760 00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,360 >> [ SCREAMS ] 761 00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:32,632 >> Jon: KIM! 762 00:20:32,632 --> 00:20:33,802 >> Mike: I GOT SHOTS FIRED. 763 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:34,670 I GOT A DECOY DOWN. 764 00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:35,967 LET'S PULL UP TRANSPORTATION 765 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:36,368 NOW! 766 00:20:36,369 --> 00:20:37,669 >> Jon: BABE, YOU OKAY? 767 00:20:37,670 --> 00:20:38,310 YOU OKAY? 768 00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:39,765 >> Mike: HANG IN THERE, NOW. 769 00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,042 HANG IN! 770 00:20:42,041 --> 00:20:43,041 HE'S GONE. 771 00:20:43,042 --> 00:20:45,012 >> NO! WHAT? 772 00:21:06,232 --> 00:21:08,172 >> Jon: SWEETIE, I'M SO SORRY. 773 00:21:08,167 --> 00:21:09,467 >> HEY, AT LEAST I HAVE A FACE 774 00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:10,839 TO PICTURE NOW WHEN WE'RE IN THE 775 00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:14,467 BONE ZONE, RIGHT? 776 00:21:14,474 --> 00:21:15,814 >> Jon: DID YOU REALLY TIE YOUR 777 00:21:15,808 --> 00:21:16,838 TUBES? 778 00:21:16,843 --> 00:21:18,713 >> WELL... 779 00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:20,511 UNTYING THEM ISN'T THAT BIG A 780 00:21:20,513 --> 00:21:21,413 DEAL. 781 00:21:21,414 --> 00:21:23,384 >> Jon: OH, BABY. 782 00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:26,988 SHE'S GONNA UNTIE HER TUBES! 783 00:21:26,986 --> 00:21:28,046 >> WELL...UH... 784 00:21:28,054 --> 00:21:31,524 IT'S NOT -- IT'S NOT DEFINITE. 785 00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:33,594 >> Jon: SWEETHEART. 786 00:21:33,593 --> 00:21:38,103 >> * UNTYING HER TUBES 787 00:21:38,097 --> 00:21:43,497 * THE LADY'S UNTYING HER TUBES 788 00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,943 * NOW SHE'S OPEN WIDE TO PUT A 789 00:21:45,938 --> 00:21:47,738 BABY INSIDE * 790 00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:50,710 * BECAUSE THE LADY'S UNTYING HER 791 00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:53,380 TUBES * 47164

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