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>> Jon: [ Distorted ] MY NAME'S
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JON.
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I'M IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION
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PROGRAM.
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THE RUSSIAN MOB WANTS ME DEAD,
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THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WAS
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MURDERED, BUT, HEY, THIS COOL,
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SINGLE DAD'S STILL GOT TO LIVE
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LIFE.
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OWW!
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PREVIOUSLY ON "DELOCATED!"...
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>> CRAZY NIGHT, HUH?
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>> WHY ARE YOU HERE, TODD BARRY?
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WHY DO YOU BOTHER COMING HERE
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ALL THE TIME?
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>> Jon: IT'S TIME FOR DAVID TO
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GROW UP AND STOP BEING SUCH A
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BABY!
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* TIME, TIME
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* TIME TO GET UP
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* TIME TO GET UP AND GET OUT OF
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BED *
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* LET'S GO
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* GET UP
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* OUT OF BED
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>> David: WHAT TIME IS IT?
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>> Jon: IT'S 4:00 A.M.
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LET'S GO. GET DRESSED.
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PACK SOME CLOTHES.
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MEET ME IN THE LIVING ROOM.
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>> David: FOR WHAT?
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>> Jon: RITE OF PASSAGE, SON.
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* RITE OF PASSA-A-A-A-A-A-GE!
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>> YOU ALL SET?
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>> Jon: YEAH, I THINK SO.
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GOT A LOT OF SWEET NEW GEAR
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HERE.
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GOT MY SWEET NEW BOOTS.
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GOT MY SWEET NEW JACKET WITH
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THE, UH, SWEET NEW PIT ZIPS!
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OH, HERE WE GO. THERE HE IS!
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>> David: ARE WE GOING CAMPING?
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>> Jon: UH, ME AND T.B. ARE
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GOING CAMPING.
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YOU ARE HEADING OUT TO THE
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WILDERNESS TO FEND FOR YOURSELF
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AND BECOME A MAN -- EITHER THAT
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OR DIE TRYING.
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SON, THIS IS SOMETHING MY FATHER
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DID TO ME AND HIS FATHER BEFORE
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HIM.
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NOW YOUR FATHER'S DOING IT TO
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YOU.
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IT'S A FAMILY TRADISH!
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[ SNAPS FINGERS ] COME ON.
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SIT UP.
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GET UP.
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LET'S GO.
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PUT THAT ON.
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>> David: WHAT IS THIS?
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>> Jon: UNTIL YOU CAN PROVE TO
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MOTHER NATURE THAT YOU ARE A
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MAN, YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A
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LITTLE GIRL, AND YOU'RE GONNA
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LOOK LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
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>> OH, DEAR.
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WHO'S THIS CUTIE PIE?
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AND WHAT'S YOUR NAME, DARLING?
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>> David: THIS IS SO STUPID.
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>> DAVID, YOU AND JON [SIGHS]
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YOU NEED SOME QUALITY,
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FATHER/SON TIME -- GETTING AWAY,
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BEING TOGETHER IN NATURE.
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I THINK THE TWO OF YOU WILL
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EMERGE FROM THIS TRIP WITH A --
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HAH! -- NEWFOUND BOND.
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IF NOTHING ELSE, AT LEAST YOU'LL
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COME AWAY FROM THE EXPERIENCE
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KNOWING YOU LOOK PRETTY CUTE IN
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A WIG.
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>> Jon: ALL RIGHT, LET'S DO IT
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THEN, GUYS, HUH?
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COME ON, LET'S GO.
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NO MIRMINSKYS, NO CHOS -- JUST A
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FATHER, SON, THEIR BODYGUARD,
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AND THE GREAT OUTDOORS.
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I AM PUMPED!
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>> ME TOO.
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[BLEEP] IS GONNA GET PRIMAL.
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OO-WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
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[ METAL SCRAPING ]
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>> [ GIGGLES ]
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>> MMM.
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[ Baby voice ] I HAVE TO DRAIN
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THE BINKY.
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>> OH.
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>> I GOT TO GO WEE-WEE.
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>> OH.
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>> FROM MY BINKY.
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>> BABY-WABY.
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>> I'LL BE RIGHT BACKY.
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>> OKAY.
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>> YOU SPEND TOO MUCH TIME WITH
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TODD BARRY.
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DON'T FORGET ABOUT OTHER
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CLIENTS.
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>> STOP!
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SAME MONEY IF I SEE 100 MEN OR
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ONE MAN 100 TIMES.
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MAYBE SERGEI IS JEALOUS?
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>> JEALOUS?
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OF TODD BARRY'S BINKY?
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>> IT'S VERY NICE BINKY.
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SERGEI, YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO
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MAKE ME YOUR WIFE -- AND YOU
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SAID NO.
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I KNOW YOU STILL LOVE ME.
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YOU'RE TOO PROUD TO SAY SO.
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>> SVETLANA...
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[ LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING ]
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>> YEAH.
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YEP.
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PRETTY GOOD, RIGHT?
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IT'S CALLED "LOVE THEME
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FOR SVETLANA."
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[ MUSIC CONTINUES ]
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I MADE IT IN GarageBand THIS
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MORNING -- TOOK ME 10 MINUTES.
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NOW, AS YOU GUYS KNOW, SVETLANA
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AND I HAVE BEEN SPENDING A LOT
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OF TIME TOGETHER.
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AT FIRST, IT WAS ME JUST PAYING
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FOR SEX AND BLOW JOBS, BUT AT
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SOME POINT, I REALIZED IT WAS
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MORE THAN THAT.
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IT WAS ME PAYING FOR SEX,
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BLOW JOBS...AND LOVE.
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>> AWW.
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>> SO, WHO DO I HAVE TO ASK TO
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MARRY THIS YOUNG WOMAN, HUH?
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IS SHE A MIRMINSKY?
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>> SHE'S HAD SO MANY MIRMINSKYS
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INSIDE OF HER, SHE MIGHT AS WELL
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BE.
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>> [ LAUGHS ]
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>> SO, WITH YOUR BLESSING, I'D
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LOVE TO MARRY ONE OF YOUR
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WHORES -- THAT ONE.
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>> SAY YES, DUMMY.
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>> Y-YES. SURE. YES. WHATEVER.
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>> APPRECIATE IT.
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SVETLANA, YOU KNOW I DON'T WANT
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TO HAVE KIDS, RIGHT?
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>> MM-HMM.
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>> THEY'RE STUPID.
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THEY SMELL.
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THEY'RE DISGUSTING.
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THEY EAT UP A LOT OF YOUR TIME.
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SEEMS LIKE A NIGHTMARE.
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BUT I WANT TO PROVIDE FOR YOU...
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FOREVER.
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MARRY ME?
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>> YES.
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TODD BARRY, I WILL MARRY YOU.
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>> [ LAUGHS ] OH!
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[ APPLAUSE ]
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DOESN'T THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO
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GET MARRIED?
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>> UH, YES. YES.
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YES, IT DOES. YES.
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>> [ SCREAMING ]
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>> Jon: DAVID, TIME TO SEND YOU
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OUT TO THE WOODS, SPEND THE
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NIGHT ALONE.
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24 HOURS OF PURE SURVIVAL.
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YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT YOUR
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SKA MITZVAH.
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NOW YOU BECOME A REAL MAN.
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THIS IS YOUR OVERNIGHT MAN SACK.
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EVERYTHING YOU NEED IS RIGHT
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INSIDE -- ONE COMPASS, ONE
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CANTEEN, ONE WATER-PURIFICATION
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TABLET, ONE MATCH.
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REST IS UP TO YOU.
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COME BACK A MAN, WE'LL TAKE OFF
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THAT WIG.
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GOOD LUCK.
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>> David: SERIOUSLY?
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>> Jon: GO GIT!
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GIT!
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>> David: THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
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>> Jon: [ SINGING INDISTINCTLY ]
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GIT!
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[ SINGING CONTINUES ]
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WANT SOME ADVICE?
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DON'T DIE!
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[ LAUGHS ]
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[ CLAPS HANDS ] ALL RIGHT.
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* FUN TIME BEGINS
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YOU KNOW WHAT?
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I GOT TO TAKE A WHIZ.
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OH, YEAH, THIS IS GORGEOUS --
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GORGEOUS SPOT FOR A PISS.
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[ LAUGHS ] OW!
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WHOA!
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[ THUD ]
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OH, GOD!
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OH!
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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>> Jon: OH, MY --
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[ Groaning ] OH-HO-HO!
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>> HOLD ON. WHAT HAPPENED?
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>> Jon: OH, I THINK I BROKE MY
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LEG.
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>> GEEZ, LET ME SEE.
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LET ME SEE. LET ME SEE.
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>> Jon: [ GROANS ] NO. OW!
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>> RELAX.
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>> Jon: [ GROANING ]
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>> ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
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ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, IT'S NOT
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BROKEN -- JUST A BAD SPRAIN.
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>> Jon: AH! HOW DO YOU KNOW?
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>> YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO BEND
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IT AT ALL.
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>> Jon: [ GROANS ] NO.
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YOU'RE WRONG. IT'S BROKEN.
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>> [ SIGHS ] ALL RIGHT, THERE
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WAS A RANGERS' STATION A COUPLE
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OF MILES BACK.
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ONE OF YOU CAMERA CREW, STAY
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HERE WITH JON TILL I GET BACK.
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THE OTHER ONE, COME WITH ME.
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>> Jon: DON'T LEAVE ME!
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MY LEG'S BROKEN!
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>> IT'S NOT BROKEN.
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IT'S JUST SPRAINED.
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WHAT A BABY.
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>> Jon: OHH.
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OKAY, YOU TWO HAVE A RACE.
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READY?
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MARK, SET, GO!
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[ IMITATES ENGINE REVVING ]
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IT'S A TIE.
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>> DON'T [BLEEP] MOVE!
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WHAT THE HELL Y'ALL DOING UP
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HERE?
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HUH?
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>> Jon: WE'RE JUST, UH -- WE --
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WE'RE RECORDING SOMETHING FOR --
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>> SHUT UP!
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[ GUN COCKS ]
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>> Y'ALL ARE GONNA HAVE TO COME
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WITH US.
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>> I DON'T KNOW.
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THE IDEA OF A WYOMING PIZZA
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DOESN'T SOUND VERY APPETIZING
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TO ME.
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[ LAUGHTER ]
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I DON'T THINK ANYONE GOES, "HEY,
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YOU'D BE CRAZY TO NOT TRY THE
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PIZZA WHEN YOU'RE IN
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JACKSON HOLE, WYOMING."
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[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
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>> [ SOBBING ]
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>> MAN, I GOT TO ASK YOU, WHAT
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00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,304
IS THERE TO DO IN THIS AWFUL
268
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:53,329
PLACE YOU GUYS LIVE?
269
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,103
[ LAUGHTER ]
270
00:08:54,101 --> 00:08:55,341
>> [ SOBBING INTENSIFIES ]
271
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:56,735
>> WHERE, UH -- WHERE SHOULD I
272
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:57,667
GO IN YELLOWSTONE?
273
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,011
WHAT GOES ON THERE, AND WHAT ARE
274
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,306
SOME OF THE HIGHLIGHTS?
275
00:09:00,307 --> 00:09:01,137
>> OLD FAITHFUL.
276
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:02,081
>> "OLD FAITHFUL"?
277
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,005
NEVER HEARD OF IT.
278
00:09:03,010 --> 00:09:05,480
>> [ SCREAMING AND SOBBING ]
279
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,453
[ SOBBING ]
280
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,591
>> RIGHT DOWN HERE BY THE CREEK.
281
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:19,190
JON, WE'RE ON OUR WAY!
282
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,662
HOLD ON.
283
00:09:27,935 --> 00:09:30,395
THIS IS WHERE I LEFT HIM.
284
00:09:37,277 --> 00:09:39,747
DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE.
285
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:49,457
TWO SETS OF FOOTPRINTS.
286
00:09:56,496 --> 00:09:59,696
JON WAS ABDUCTED.
287
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,070
HERE'S THE DIRECT NUMBER TO THE
288
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:02,198
HEAD OF THE FBI.
289
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,042
TELL HIM JON FROM "DELOCATED!"
290
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:04,867
IS MISSING.
291
00:10:04,872 --> 00:10:06,512
I NEED TWO BLACK HAWKS AND
292
00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:09,136
20 S.E.A.L.s ASAP.
293
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,612
NOW GO!
294
00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:16,923
NOBODY'S COMING.
295
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,717
I GAVE THEM A FAKE NUMBER.
296
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,319
I WORK BETTER ALONE --
297
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,060
RAMBO-STYLE.
298
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:25,726
OO-WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
299
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:32,499
>> Jon: [ Mumbling ] OKAY, COOL.
300
00:10:32,499 --> 00:10:35,599
WHERE WE GOING?
301
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:38,272
[ MUMBLING ]
302
00:10:38,271 --> 00:10:38,841
[ THUD ]
303
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,209
OH!
304
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:41,777
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
305
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:43,605
>> Jon: [ COUGHS ]
306
00:10:43,610 --> 00:10:45,450
>> WELL, LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S
307
00:10:45,445 --> 00:10:46,745
FINALLY WAKING UP.
308
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:47,877
>> [ CHUCKLES ]
309
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:52,521
>> Jon: [ COUGHS ]
310
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,349
WHERE AM I?
311
00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,193
>> YOU'RE A GUEST IN OUR HOME.
312
00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,518
>> WHICH IS ALSO OUR
313
00:10:56,523 --> 00:10:57,863
HEADQUARTERS.
314
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,358
WE'RE PART OF A MILITIA GROUP
315
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:04,230
CALLED "FREEDOM NOW."
316
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:09,041
WE TORTURED YOUR CAMERAMAN!
317
00:11:09,036 --> 00:11:10,936
AND HE TOLD US EVERYTHING --
318
00:11:10,938 --> 00:11:12,938
TOLD US ABOUT HOW YOU LIVE IN
319
00:11:12,940 --> 00:11:15,740
JEWISH YORK CITY.
320
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:16,883
>> Jon: WAIT, DID HE CALL IT
321
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,107
JEWISH YORK CITY, OR HE CALLED
322
00:11:18,111 --> 00:11:19,281
IT NEW YORK AND YOU CALLED IT
323
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:19,749
JEWISH --
324
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:20,647
>> WHAT'S THE [BLEEP]
325
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:21,407
DIFFERENCE?!
326
00:11:21,414 --> 00:11:22,884
>> Jon: 'CAUSE I'LL BE VERY
327
00:11:22,883 --> 00:11:24,483
UPSET WITH YOU IF YOU CALLED IT
328
00:11:24,484 --> 00:11:25,824
JEWISH YORK, CRAIG!
329
00:11:25,819 --> 00:11:27,789
>> LOOK, WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THE
330
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:29,588
WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.
331
00:11:29,589 --> 00:11:31,559
WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR SON, DAVID,
332
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:33,258
AND YOUR GOVERNMENT AGENT.
333
00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,330
>> WE ALSO KNOW ABOUT YOUR CABLE
334
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:36,898
REALITY SHOW.
335
00:11:36,897 --> 00:11:39,397
>> Jon: OH, YEAH?
336
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:40,669
I CAN GET YOU GUYS A HEAD SHOT
337
00:11:40,667 --> 00:11:43,137
FOR YOUR WALL.
338
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:47,836
>> GUESS WHAT, MR. TV STAR!
339
00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:49,581
WE'RE GONNA USE YOU AND YOUR
340
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:54,106
CELEBRITY TO BUILD OUR MILITIA.
341
00:11:54,114 --> 00:11:57,284
AND THEN...
342
00:11:57,284 --> 00:11:59,394
YOU'RE A DEAD MAN.
343
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:17,338
[ SLOW-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
344
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,523
[ CROWD MURMURS ]
345
00:12:48,535 --> 00:12:52,205
>> BEFORE WE BEGIN, IS THERE
346
00:12:52,205 --> 00:12:54,535
ANYONE PRESENT HERE TODAY WHO
347
00:12:54,541 --> 00:12:56,911
KNOWS OF ANY REASON WHY THESE
348
00:12:56,910 --> 00:13:00,810
TWO BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE SHOULD NOT
349
00:13:00,814 --> 00:13:03,154
BE JOINED IN HOLY MATRIMONY?
350
00:13:03,150 --> 00:13:05,690
SPEAK NOW, OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR
351
00:13:05,685 --> 00:13:08,085
PEACE.
352
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:08,888
>> I DO!
353
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,319
[ CROWD GASPS ]
354
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:16,064
[ SCREAMING IN CHINESE ]
355
00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:19,673
[ SOBBING ]
356
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:21,226
>> I'M SORRY. I NEED A MINUTE.
357
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,544
IT'LL JUST BE A MINUTE.
358
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:23,765
I APOLOGIZE.
359
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:27,340
I'M SORRY.
360
00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:28,180
[ DOOR CLOSES ]
361
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:29,675
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
362
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:31,106
>> YOU SAY YOU LOVE ME!
363
00:13:31,111 --> 00:13:32,511
YOU SAY YOU MARRY ME!
364
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:33,182
[ SOBS ]
365
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:34,110
>> MARRY YOU? I --
366
00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,624
THAT'S SOME CUTE, LITTLE THING I
367
00:13:35,615 --> 00:13:37,345
SAY AFTER I BLOW MY LOAD.
368
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:39,450
>> YOU LOVE THAT RUSSIAN WHORE?!
369
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:40,522
>> YES, I DO.
370
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:42,890
>> YOU DON'T LOVE ME?
371
00:13:42,890 --> 00:13:44,260
>> I ABSOLUTELY LOVE HAVING PAID
372
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:46,427
SEX WITH YOU, BUT...
373
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:47,856
NO, I DON'T LOVE YOU.
374
00:13:47,861 --> 00:13:49,201
YINGTAI, I'M SORRY.
375
00:13:49,196 --> 00:13:51,196
I'M SORRY, BUT, PLEASE, JUST --
376
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,898
I HAVE TO GET BACK INSIDE.
377
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,130
OKAY?
378
00:13:54,134 --> 00:13:55,974
I'M SORRY.
379
00:13:55,969 --> 00:13:56,569
[ GUN COCKS ]
380
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:59,039
DON'T.
381
00:14:06,713 --> 00:14:09,153
>> ACTION!
382
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:10,819
>> Jon: GREETINGS, AMERICAN
383
00:14:10,817 --> 00:14:12,717
CITIZENS, PATRIOTS, AND MILITIA
384
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:14,089
MEMBERS.
385
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:15,787
THE GOVERNMENT SPY READING THIS
386
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:18,728
MESSAGE TRIED TO INFILTRATE OUR
387
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:19,485
HEADQUARTERS.
388
00:14:19,492 --> 00:14:20,132
HE FAILED.
389
00:14:20,127 --> 00:14:21,627
LET THIS SERVE AS A WARNING TO
390
00:14:21,628 --> 00:14:22,258
ANY GOV--
391
00:14:22,262 --> 00:14:24,732
>> JON!
392
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,940
JON!
393
00:14:28,936 --> 00:14:30,566
>> Jon: T.B.!
394
00:14:30,570 --> 00:14:31,470
T.B., I'M IN HERE!
395
00:14:31,471 --> 00:14:32,471
>> HONEY, THIS IS IT.
396
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:33,842
THIS IS THE DAY WE'VE PREPARED
397
00:14:33,840 --> 00:14:34,170
FOR.
398
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:37,114
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
399
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,510
>> Jon: T.B., I'M IN HERE!
400
00:14:38,511 --> 00:14:39,151
HURRY UP!
401
00:14:39,146 --> 00:14:40,946
[ GUN COCKS ]
402
00:14:40,948 --> 00:14:41,918
HURRY, T.B.!
403
00:14:41,915 --> 00:14:44,375
>> SHUT THE [BLEEP] UP, DUDE!
404
00:14:54,527 --> 00:14:55,927
>> SWALLOW IT!
405
00:14:55,929 --> 00:14:56,529
>> Jon: MNH-MNH.
406
00:14:56,529 --> 00:14:58,999
[ GUN COCKS ]
407
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:02,971
[ GULPS ]
408
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,770
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?
409
00:15:04,771 --> 00:15:07,311
>> SUICIDE PILL.
410
00:15:07,307 --> 00:15:08,107
>> Jon: [ GAGGING ]
411
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:09,008
>> WE'RE ALL GOING DOWN
412
00:15:09,009 --> 00:15:10,879
TOGETHER!
413
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,347
>> Jon: [ GAGGING ]
414
00:15:24,224 --> 00:15:25,394
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
415
00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:26,792
>> SOME PEOPLE CALL IT
416
00:15:26,793 --> 00:15:28,033
OCCUPY WALL STREET.
417
00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:31,058
I CALL IT OCCUPY VODKA!
418
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:34,204
[ LAUGHTER ]
419
00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:36,241
UM...
420
00:15:36,236 --> 00:15:38,736
UM, ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
421
00:15:38,738 --> 00:15:41,468
ABOUT COLLEGE IS, UH, GETTING TO
422
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,044
KNOW PEOPLE AND STAYING UP LATE,
423
00:15:43,043 --> 00:15:44,483
AND, UH -- BUT I WISH THAT MY
424
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:45,747
COLLEGE WAS CALLED VODKA!
425
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:48,345
>> WHAT IS IT? WHAT IS IT?
426
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:50,378
>> TODD BARRY IS GONE.
427
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:51,623
>> WHAT?
428
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:56,494
NO ONE DISRESPECTS YOU LIKE
429
00:15:56,489 --> 00:15:58,959
THIS.
430
00:16:01,428 --> 00:16:03,558
>> WHERE ARE YOU TAKING ME?
431
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:04,403
COME ON, WHAT ARE YOU --
432
00:16:04,397 --> 00:16:05,067
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
433
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:05,725
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
434
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:06,402
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
435
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,869
>> GO IN.
436
00:16:11,871 --> 00:16:15,511
>> TAKE CLOTHES OFF.
437
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:17,108
>> TAKE MY CLOTHES OFF?
438
00:16:17,110 --> 00:16:18,010
>> MM-HMM.
439
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,911
[ SPEAKING CHINESE ]
440
00:16:20,913 --> 00:16:22,383
>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE S--
441
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:23,522
>> [ SPEAKING CHINESE ]
442
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:24,716
>> I DON'T SPEAK CHINESE.
443
00:16:24,717 --> 00:16:28,087
>> YOU'RE ABOUT TO.
444
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,288
OH, THIS IS GONNA BE FUN,
445
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:31,420
TODD BARRY!
446
00:16:35,928 --> 00:16:37,058
>> OKAY, T.B.
447
00:16:37,064 --> 00:16:39,274
YOU COULD EITHER LOSE YOUR JOB
448
00:16:39,266 --> 00:16:41,596
'CAUSE JON DIED, OR YOU'LL BE IN
449
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,941
THE WHITE HOUSE NEXT WEEK HAILED
450
00:16:43,936 --> 00:16:46,966
AS A HERO.
451
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,613
BUT LET'S STOP TALKING ABOUT IT,
452
00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,109
AND BE ABOUT IT.
453
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:53,451
ONE, TWO, THREE.
454
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:56,946
[ PRIMAL YELL ]
455
00:17:16,103 --> 00:17:19,173
[ MUFFLED LAUGHTER ]
456
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:20,242
WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON IN
457
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:24,240
HERE?
458
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,784
>> Jon: SUICIDE PILL TURNED OUT
459
00:17:25,778 --> 00:17:29,078
TO BE ECSTASY.
460
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:29,622
>> OH, GOD.
461
00:17:29,616 --> 00:17:30,816
>> Jon: YOU WANT TO GET IN ON
462
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:32,647
THIS, T.B.?
463
00:17:32,652 --> 00:17:33,822
>> NO, I'LL BE OUTSIDE.
464
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:34,990
>> Jon: YOU SURE, MAN?
465
00:17:34,987 --> 00:17:35,957
>> YEAH, I'M GOOD.
466
00:17:35,955 --> 00:17:37,515
>> Jon: IT'S AWESOME UNDER HERE.
467
00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:38,964
>> [ SIGHS ]
468
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:40,928
>> Jon: ALL RIGHT.
469
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:42,797
I'M GOING BACK IN, T.B.
470
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,595
>> [ MUFFLED YELLING ]
471
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,767
>> Jon: YEAH.
472
00:17:45,765 --> 00:17:46,465
>> OH.
473
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:48,366
>> Jon: YEAH.
474
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:50,838
[ MOANING, LAUGHTER ]
475
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:02,049
>> [ Groaning ] AAH! THAT HURTS!
476
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,218
>> [ Grunting ] TAKE THAT,
477
00:18:04,217 --> 00:18:05,347
TODD BARRY!
478
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,152
UNH! OH, YOU LIKE IT?
479
00:18:07,154 --> 00:18:09,194
>> Both: [ MOANING, GRUNTING ]
480
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:10,389
>> OWWWWWWWWWWW!
481
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,360
>> TAKE IT, TAKE IT, TAKE IT!
482
00:18:12,359 --> 00:18:14,829
>> STOP! STOP! OHH!
483
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:17,497
[ LAUGHTER ]
484
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:20,167
>> I DRINK VODKA, SO I NEVER GET
485
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:21,527
WHISKEY PENIS.
486
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:23,744
I ALWAYS GET VODKA CHUBBY.
487
00:18:23,736 --> 00:18:25,736
[ LAUGHTER ]
488
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,378
>> I HAVE MUCH RESPECT FOR ASIAN
489
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:31,975
WHORE'S HUMILIATION TECHNIQUE.
490
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:33,148
>> OKAY, I GET THAT, BUT,
491
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:34,476
PLEASE, DON'T TELL ANYONE, ALL
492
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:34,881
RIGHT?
493
00:18:34,881 --> 00:18:35,521
'CAUSE I...
494
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:36,415
[ MUFFLED APPLAUSE ]
495
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:37,576
I DON'T NEED, LIKE, A FAN
496
00:18:37,584 --> 00:18:39,024
APPROACHING ME ON THE STREET FOR
497
00:18:39,018 --> 00:18:40,418
AN AUTOGRAPH AND THEN HE'S LIKE,
498
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,050
"OH, BY THE WAY, I HEARD YOU GOT
499
00:18:42,054 --> 00:18:43,524
RAPED BY A PROSTITUTE," YOU
500
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:43,923
KNOW?
501
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,093
I-I DON'T WANT THAT.
502
00:18:45,091 --> 00:18:47,891
>> TELL YOU WHAT, TODD BARRY --
503
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,434
YOU CALL OFF WEDDING WITH
504
00:18:49,429 --> 00:18:52,929
SVETLANA...
505
00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:56,342
I JUST MIGHT KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT.
506
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:59,006
[ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
507
00:18:59,005 --> 00:19:00,205
>> I ALSO -- 'CAUSE I DRINK
508
00:19:00,207 --> 00:19:01,267
VODKA -- I DON'T HAVE A
509
00:19:01,274 --> 00:19:03,844
SIX-PACK, BUT I DO HAVE AN EMPTY
510
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,283
BOTTLE OF VODKA.
511
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:07,948
[ LAUGHTER ]
512
00:19:07,947 --> 00:19:10,417
I...
513
00:19:15,788 --> 00:19:17,118
>> WHAT HAPPENED?
514
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,793
>> I'M SORRY, SVETLANA.
515
00:19:18,791 --> 00:19:23,401
I-I-I CAN'T DO THIS.
516
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:25,026
I'M NOT CUT OUT FOR MARRIAGE.
517
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,371
IT'S JUST NOT MY THING.
518
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:28,736
I MEAN, I-I'VE LOVED WHEN WE'VE
519
00:19:28,735 --> 00:19:30,935
HAD PAID SEX, AND I'D LOVE TO
520
00:19:30,937 --> 00:19:33,767
HAVE MORE PAID SEX...
521
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:37,113
IF YOU'LL HAVE ME.
522
00:19:37,109 --> 00:19:39,579
>> I DO.
523
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,646
>> All: AWW.
524
00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:47,592
[ APPLAUSE ]
525
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:50,487
>> I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU WHORE AND
526
00:19:50,490 --> 00:19:51,620
TODD.
527
00:19:51,624 --> 00:19:54,094
[ APPLAUSE ]
528
00:19:57,764 --> 00:20:00,974
[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING ]
529
00:20:00,967 --> 00:20:03,937
[ VIDEO GAME BEEPING ]
530
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:08,906
>> David: DAD!
531
00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:11,408
>> Jon: OH, RIGHT.
532
00:20:11,411 --> 00:20:14,281
[ CHUCKLES ] DAVID, I-I-I FORGOT
533
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:16,851
YOU WERE OUT THERE.
534
00:20:16,849 --> 00:20:18,079
[ CONTROLLERS CLICKING ]
535
00:20:18,084 --> 00:20:18,854
>> David: YEAH.
536
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,351
YEAH, I MANAGED TO HIKE THROUGH
537
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:21,753
THE WOODS AND, YOU KNOW, FIND
538
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:23,464
THE MAIN ROAD AND ACTUALLY
539
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,016
HITCHHIKE MY WAY HOME.
540
00:20:25,024 --> 00:20:27,034
SORRY, I-I GUESS I SHOULD HAVE
541
00:20:27,026 --> 00:20:28,186
CALLED YOU.
542
00:20:28,194 --> 00:20:30,204
>> Jon: NO, IT'S OKAY.
543
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:33,366
YOU -- YOU FIGURED OUT A WAY TO
544
00:20:33,366 --> 00:20:35,536
SURVIVE.
545
00:20:35,535 --> 00:20:37,695
PROUD OF YOU.
546
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,374
>> David: THANKS.
547
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:43,613
>> Jon: I'M GONNA TAKE A SHOWER.
548
00:20:43,610 --> 00:20:45,580
WILL. PHIL.
549
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:57,491
>> David: WHAT'S UP WITH HIM?
550
00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,890
>> LET'S JUST SAY HE TOOK PART
551
00:20:58,891 --> 00:21:00,191
IN A MOTHER NATURE SURVIVAL
552
00:21:00,192 --> 00:21:02,462
CHALLENGE OF HIS OWN.
553
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,032
YOUR FATHER LOOKED DEATH SQUARE
554
00:21:04,030 --> 00:21:06,400
IN THE FACE...
555
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:07,699
AND WON.
556
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:09,170
>> David: WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED
557
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:10,998
TO MEAN?
558
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:13,513
>> HE BUTT[BLEEP] AN OLD COUPLE.
559
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:15,476
WILL. PHIL.
560
00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:20,180
>> YOU TELL ME AGAIN HOW YOU
561
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:22,049
SODOMIZED TODD BARRY.
562
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:23,518
>> I SMACK HIM.
563
00:21:23,516 --> 00:21:24,176
>> OH, YEAH.
564
00:21:24,183 --> 00:21:25,423
>> HARDER, HARDER, HARDER,
565
00:21:25,418 --> 00:21:26,548
HARDER, HARDER, HARDER.
566
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:27,753
>> HE CRY?
567
00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:29,424
>> HE CRY HARD.
568
00:21:29,422 --> 00:21:30,992
>> HOW HE CRY?
569
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:33,360
>> [ WHIMPERING ]
570
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,330
>> THAT FUNNY.
34368
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