Original subtitles

Hey, Wratherheads,

coming at you a little earlier than usual

'cause guess what today is?

The day you two learn how to aim?

Well played.

So, in honor of the first snowfall of the year,

Cooper, take it away.

Would you rather wear just your pajamas out in the snow

or all your winter clothes in the house?

[Fred] What?!

That's the special Would You Wrather you dragged me out of bed for?

Fred, you pounded on our door at 6:00 a.m.

And when we didn't answer, you wedged yourself through the window.

Don't want me sneaking into your house? Don't make waffles.

Okay. And the Wratherheads say...

wear all your winter clothes!

-You got that, Ollie? -[Ollie] I'm gonna need a second!

While Ollie gets ready, let's give you a little Fred time.

[meowing to an electronic beat]

Wow. I am very talented.

Hurry up, Ollie!

So...

first snowfall.

You psyched to play your annual sled bowling game with Charlotte tonight?

It's called snowling.

And I don't "play" it, I dominate it.

Check out my future ride.

Who mounts a tennis ball cannon on their sled?

A winner, Cooper.

A winner.

Good luck.

Don't your rules say you have to throw this whole thing together by sunset?

"Throw together"?

I'm going to spend every second between now and sundown

turning Rhonda, that's what I'm calling her,

into a rocket-sled to glory.

[Ollie] I'm ready!

Let's do this.

Wratherheads, I give you the human clothing ball.

[Ollie] Wheeee-- stop!

Waffle me!

Continue.

[theme music playing]

♪ Would you rather lose your phone ♪

♪ Or give up pizza for a month ♪

♪ Share your diary with the world ♪

♪ Or have to eat it for your lunch ♪

♪ Sing out of tune to your friends ♪

♪ Or trip and fall into your crush ♪

♪ Shave your head, paint it red ♪

♪ Or use your dog's toothbrush ♪

♪ We need a little Q and A ♪

♪ Come on, Wratherheads, play along ♪

-♪ Would you rather do this? ♪ -♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

-♪ Or would you rather do that? ♪ -♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

♪ Don't matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

♪ Ask the world! ♪

-♪ Would you rather do this? ♪ -♪ Would you rather do this? ♪

-♪ Or would you rather just dance ♪ -♪ Or would you rather just dance ♪

♪ No matter what we do ♪

♪ We're doing it with you ♪

♪ I'd rather do that ♪

Ask the world!

♪ Would you rather do that? ♪

Hey, Charlotte, um, can you pass the--

championship snowling trophy?

Oh, wait. I already have it.

The most coveted prize in all of sports--

The Brown Log.

Also the best trophy name in all of sports.

If only others could know the joy of holding The Brown Log in their hands.

I don't think she hears herself.

Cami, you can keep the trophy because I'm not playing this year.

Yeah, right.

Like you'd pass up the chance to finally beat me on the slope,

and knock over our new...

snowling pins!

-Morning, all. -Morning.

Are you kidding me?

When did you take this?

Don't worry, no one's going to be paying attention to that fashion disaster.

Because everyone's eyes will be on this.

Looks like someone's been added to the family.

Yeah, only because you cried and held your breath--

No one cares about the behind-the-scenes drama, Cami.

The important thing is there's a new addition!

[text message dings]

Fashion disaster coming through.

Sorry, Cami, but I think I'm over snowling.

But-but... The Brown Log.

Are you just gonna flush our tradition down the toilet?

The gift that keeps on giving.

Sorry, Cami, but my friends are coming over.

And honestly, I think I'm way too old for playing in the snow.

But you're not.

Just race Ollie.

I don't race Ollie,

I race you.

This is our game.

Hey. So you know how I'm dating your school principal?

Yes. We're all painfully aware.

I know, I just like messing with you.

Anyway, he got us tickets for the opera this afternoon.

But he just canceled because he's sick.

Any ideas on what to do with my spare ticket?

That don't involve putting it down the garbage disposal.

Well, don't worry, I'm not going to force any of you to go with me.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you! I was totally freaking--

That was a trap to see who didn't want to go the most.

Cooper, you win!

One hour,

in your suit,

at the door!

Classic Jenna.

And, Mom, since my friends are coming over,

maybe Cami can watch Ollie? She's not doing anything today.

Great idea. Thanks, Cami.

You! Let's go.

Ugh. How did this day go so wrong?

And how are you still single?

I'll take this one...

[app turns on]

Hey, Wratherheads.

I've got one for you.

Would you rather go to the opera or wipe your butt with sandpaper?

You keep sandpaper out of your butt.

Hello. We don't get out much.

You need to learn to respect the arts.

No phones.

No phones?!

What is this place?

The last thing you want to do is take away from other people's experi--

[coughs]

It's very rude to be a distract-- [coughs]

People pay a lot of money to-- [coughs harder]

I got a tickle. I'll be right back.

[coughing] Excuse me.

[text message dings]

Principal Walker?

"Hi, Jen-Jen. Still got the sniffles.

Maybe you can pick me up a bowl of"-- bored.

[ensemble performer] Ladies and gentlemen,

please turn off your phones as the matinee is about to begin.

-[video game sounds] -Yes!

Very excited about this opera thing.

I invented snowling to cheer up Charlotte

because her fifth grade ski trip got canceled.

And how does she thank me?

Like this... [in a high voice] Thanks, Cami.

No. She bails on the race.

[in a deep voice] Thanks, Cami.

What are you doing?

I don't know.

Hey. Can you leave this thing in here?

My friends are arriving, and it's kind of embarrassing.

Embarrassing?

Oh, and if you two could stay in here all afternoon, too, that'd be super.

It's kind of an older girl hang and we were hoping not to have

little ones running around to ruin our good time.

Thanks, you're a peach!

"Ruin our good time"?!

She had the nerve to say that to me on the day she canceled snowling.

Older sisters are the worst.

Tell me about it...

Snot chocolate?

Snot choc--?

Ew.

You know what?

If someone doesn't want me to ruin their good time,

that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

But I'll need an assistant, and Pam's golfing.

You in?

Yeah. But I'll need an assistant, too.

An assistant to the assistant...

I like it.

Let's see, who knows how to ruin a good time?

Oh, I know-- Fred!

-You rang? -[screams]

I didn't even call you yet.

I sensed your need and I'm here to help.

My one requirement: you call me Fredward.

-No. -Deal.

So as your assistant, what do you need?

Actually,

I'm her assistant.

You're my assistant.

I'm the assistant to the assistant?

I don't think I like that.

You know what I don't like?

Cold snot chocolate.

Off you go.

Okay, Charlotte,

you ruin my tradition, I ruin your "hang."

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Boy, I sure wouldn't want to be Charlotte right now.

Why does my hand not have a fresh mug in it?

Hey, ladies.

Sorry that took a while, but I found us some firewood

to make it nice and toasty in here!

Hot yoga.

Very chic, Charlotte.

Look at them trying to act all grown up.

Ollie, it's go time.

Ollie! Focus!

I don't want to "bad mouth" my boss,

but he's got no clue what's happening.

Psst!

-[bleating] -[girls gasp]

Are these goats?!

Oh! This one's trying to climb on me!

Yeah, that's-that's because they're supposed to.

Surprise! It's goat yoga!

I've always wanted to try this.

What? No!

Grab a mat and let's "goat" crazy.

That was really bad, I'm sorry.

[bleating]

Nice try, kiddo.

Did you really think anyone would be bothered by cute baby goats?

Stay back, you horned beast! That's what I wanted.

He smells my fear. He's the alpha!

[Fred screams]

[operatic music playing]

♪ Figaro! ♪

♪ Figaro! ♪

♪ Fi-ga-rooo! ♪

-♪ Ehi figaro! Son qua? ♪ -[video game sounds]

♪ Ehi ♪

♪ Figaro! ♪

♪ Figaro here! Figaro there! ♪

♪ Figaro su, figaro giu! ♪

♪ Figaro you! Figaro you! ♪

-Figaro me? - ♪ Figaro you! ♪

[in Italian accent] Stop the music!

You! Put down your phone!

You heard the announcement.

Do you think you're better than everyone else here?

No. Not at all.

-This phone's not even on. -[video game dying sound]

Now it's not on.

[Cooper] Hey! That's my mom's phone!

Now, may we proceed?

-[applause] -Grazie.

Sorry, could not get that tickle to stop.

I should probably check that my phone is off.

Shh, Mom. It's off. Don't make a scene. Respect the arts.

Aw, look at you, blending in at the opera!

Look at them.

Sure, they're happy now,

but they're about to move on

to "spa time."

And I plan on giving them each one of these.

Ooo, sheet masks.

Hello, healthy glowing skin, am I right, boss?

Don't make eye contact with me.

Listen, you dullards,

these "masks" are made with a safe but very sticky glue

that will stick to their faces and ruin their evenings.

Your job is to switch out these with the real ones.

I'd arouse too much suspicion, so can you handle it?

We won't let you down.

We may have let you down.

We probably shouldn't have offered to demonstrate how the masks work.

Or high-fived.

Don't mind me. We just had too much firewood.

Nice masks, by the way.

She won't be laughing when she sees our flawless complexions!

You are so fired.

Oh, and Cami,

we're about to watch a grown-up, scary movie,

so you might want to stay in here.

I wouldn't want any of you getting nightmares.

Boop.

Nothing I do is working, and she knows it.

Cami, you've got two extra brains working for you.

Use them!

Yeah, I think I'll ask the Wratherheads.

Hey Wratherheads, this is just me looking for a little help.

My older sister ruined something I was really excited about,

so I want to ruin her party.

How do I do it?

Wow, lots of suggestions.

And some very rude comments about my mask.

Anyway...

ding-dong ditching...

a prank call...

Ooh, LogLady14 suggests pulling off a twisted scare.

That's perfect!

The group is about to watch a horror movie.

Thank you, LogLady14.

Just give me a second.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Let's go.

I want a raise.

[operatic music playing]

[Jenna snoring]

[snores abruptly]

The phone. Yes!

[indistinct actor chatter]

[music continues]

Not the stage, not the stage, not the stage.

And I'm on the stage.

This movie is pretty intense.

So, if the Ice Elf's too creepy, we don't have to finish it.

It's the sound of his little feet that freaks me out the most.

I don't care.

I live for the Ice Elf movies.

We're watching it.

Hunky Bear to Rainbow Sprinkles.

The masks are off and we're not glued to each other anymore.

Mission is a go. Repeat, mission is a go.

[Cami] I'm standing right behind you.

Copy that, Rainbow Sprinkles!

Hunky Bear, out!

[creepy music from TV]

[elf laughter from TV]

[screams]

Don't go in there, Barb!

That frozen freak is right behind you!

[loud little footsteps]

-What was that? -That didn't come from the TV...

That was from behind us!

[footsteps continue]

[music on TV stops] [lights flickering]

What is happening?!

[screaming]

[evil laughter]

Guys, wait, that's just my little brother, Ollie.

That wasn't Ollie...

Ollie's right outside!

Hello!

And I'm right here! [evil laughter]

[girls scream]

-[laughing] -That was awesome.

Wait a second...

-Hmm? -If that's me,

then who am I?

[screams]

♪ Figaro up! Figaro down! ♪

♪ Figaro qua! Figaro la! ♪

♪ Figaro here! Figaro there! ♪

♪ Figaro su! Figaro giu! ♪

♪ Figaro! ♪

♪ Figaro! ♪

♪ Figaro! Figaro! Figaro! ♪

♪ Fi-ga-rooo ♪

This isn't the men's room.

You!

Uh... I'm just gonna head back to my seat now.

[in Italian accent] You ruin the opera for all the people out there.

Yet you stand there and smirk like you just don't care.

Huh...

You rhyme even when you're not singing.

Anyway, I'm sorry for making such a fuss.

If you give me back my phone, I'll go jump on a bus.

See what I did there?

You know what?

I'll give you your phone back.

-But you must sing for it! -What are you talking about?

-Would you all like that? -[audience applause]

Yeah, you know what? I don't see that happening.

[music continues]

♪ These lovely people, they pay a fee ♪

♪ A high pretty penny to listen to me! ♪

♪ You're as bad As that cretin sleeping out there ♪

♪ Figaro sings ♪

♪ How does she dare? ♪

Get her out!

Hey!

♪ That woman you speak of ♪

-♪ Is a wonderful mom ♪ -[snorts]

♪ She raises four children ♪

♪ From the crack of each dawn ♪

♪ She brought me to the opera ♪

♪ Although she is overworked ♪

♪ To watch you sing ♪

♪ You cranky, out of tune jerk! ♪

♪ Figaro who? ♪

♪ Figaro you! ♪

♪ Figaro me? ♪

♪ Figaro poo! ♪

[applause]

♪ A boy who defends his mother With such rage ♪

♪ Is worthy of sharing my opera stage ♪

♪ Thank you, kind sir ♪

♪ For the words that you speak ♪

♪ But if my mother wakes up ♪

♪ I'll be grounded for ♪

♪ Weeks ♪

♪ Fig-a-ro! ♪

♪ Fig-a-ro! ♪

♪ Fi-ga-rooooooo! ♪

[cheering and applause]

I'm not even gonna ask.

Cheers to me...

No, us...

No, to me and Ollie.

This isn't snot chocolate, is it, Ollie?

It's snot.

It's snot or it's not?

Correct.

You three must think you're so brilliant, huh?

Wrong again.

Problem, Charlotte?

Why no, Cami.

Why would I be upset about you totally ruining my party?

How could a silly little kid ruin your big girl party?

Is this about me not wanting to go snowling?

This is about treating other people with respect.

You said it.

You were an absolute beast to work for, sir.

I demand two weeks pay, and a glowing letter of recommendation.

I have no money and I can barely write.

Deal.

Fred for the win.

Can you two give us a minute?

You even know what snowling meant to me?

You know what? Forget it.

Okay, sorry if you're my sister

and I thought we shared a bond over something.

You're right.

Maybe I haven't been the best sister today...

but I have been the best competitor.

What are you talking about?

It's sundown!

I hope you have your sled built because I finished mine! [Cami gasps]

Gasp!

Don't just stand there.

It's snowling time!

What is happening?

You said you didn't want to do it anymore!

I was tired of losing.

So I needed to distract you.

Wait a sec...

This whole thing was a set up?

You got me upset,

knowing I would put all my energy into destroying your party

while you were off building your sled?

Hearing you retell it gives me goose bumps.

You were the Wratherhead who suggested I scare you guys at the party!

LogLady14, nice to meet you.

You did all that just so you could beat me at snowling?!

You're so twisted.

Aww, well that ended nicely.

-Shouldn't you be drawing my bath now? -Yeah, we're done.

So, I guess the only thing left for me to do is to crush you on the slope.

But I don't even have a sled ready.

Not my problem.

See you at the top of the hill.

Best. Day. Ever!

[Cooper] And they're approaching the ditch!

Charlotte's sled is in the lead! But here comes Cami!

Really?

Nah, I'm just trying to build some suspense.

And here they come!

Charlotte for the win!

Woo!

Whoo!

Wait! My head's falling off!

Here comes Cami!

Noooo!

I feel like you were aiming for me.

Trust your feelings.

Well, I have to say, the opera was very sophisticated.

But that was awesome!

Nice victory.

I guess it's time for the passing of...

The Brown Log.

Thank you.

You know, we really need to change the name of this.

Whee!