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Ah, good morning, present.

Right on time as usual.

Ah, as punctual as the devil himself.

You know, I've never understood

that expression.

I've met the guy.

He's late for everything.

Hmm. Speaking of
late for everything...

You would think the ghost
of Christmas past

would have a better concept of time.

You've got to love the irony.

Off the record, sir,

have you noticed anything...

Strange about past today?

What do you mean?

It just seems that every time
that I've talked to him,

he seems... distant.

He's always been distant.

Over-distant.

Well...

Let's get this over with.

You have a hot date?

Oh, I don't know, dear.
What are you doing later on?

Ghosts, please.

Okay, let's hear it.

Who gets to go on this year's
spiritual guilt trip?

Mm-hmm.

Very well, then.
Meet this year's target.

His name is Jack Cameron,

currently residing in
Seattle, Washington, u.S.A.

The highs are high and
the lows are getting chilly,

and with a little help
from our friend Jack frost

and a low-humidity cold front,

we might even see a white Christmas

tomorrow morning!

Merry Chris...

Yeah?

Merry Christmas.

What do you want?

We don't want anything.

We wanted to give you something.

We saw you don't have any decorations,

and we had extra ones at our house.

Yeah, so we thought we would
help you out for Christmas.

You thought you'd help me out
for Christmas, huh?

That's great.

So this is like a gift, huh?

So I could... I could put
this thing anywhere,

because it's a gift.

I could put it here,
but then nobody could get by.

That'd be dumb.

You know what?

What about out here in this area?

But you know, it wouldn't
look right with the house.

Uh, how about right here?

Perfect.

Merry Christmas, kids.

Wow... so...

Yeah...

Party? What time?

I don't know.

You know how weird my dad is about today.

Hey, did you...

Let me call you back.

Come in.

Wow, is that a new dress?

Yeah. Do you like it?

Yeah.

It's my Christmas present from mom.

Yeah, it looks like something
your mom would get you.

It's very inappropriate.

You can see your whole...

Arm.

My arm, dad?

Yeah, both of them.

Well, at least she gives me
Christmas presents.

Listen, I give you double
birthday presents, okay?

That's not the point.

Yeah, well,
I'll tell you what the point is.

Do you know anything
about those two things

dangling from the mantel downstairs?

And what do those "things" look like?

They look like decorations.

It's just stockings.

Stockings are decorations, honey.

Are stockings a gateway
into more hardcore decorations?

I'm glad you think this is funny.

Lighten up, dad.

It's just two red stockings.

Respect my rule.

Your rule is stupid.

Is it stupid?
Yeah.

Is it really stupid?
Yeah!

Excuse me for trying to spread
some holiday cheer.

I thought maybe after seven years

of banning Christmas,

you might have changed.

It's time to get over this. Get over...

Hey, I am over this.

I am so over this!

But there's things

that you don't know, okay?

Oh, I know.

I know that you're a psycho!

I am not a psycho!

I am not a psycho!

I'm not a psycho...

This is my room.

You're supposed to storm out.

I am not a psycho.

Whatever.

Jack was married in 1978
to one Alison Addison.

Has one daughter, Suzanne, born in 1990.

On December 24th, 1998,

Jack and Alison attended
Suzanne's Christmas pageant.

In the middle of the pageant,

Alison left to go to the restroom.

She was taking a bit long,

so Jack went to check on her,

only she wasn't in the restroom.

She was in the coat-check room.

She was with Jack's dentist.

And they weren't checking coats.

Ouch.

Jack and Alison were officially
divorced shortly thereafter,

she claiming she didn't
want to be married

to a workaholic,

and he claiming he didn't
want to be married

to a woman who cheats on him.

She moved to London

and sees Suzanne once a year

during the holidays.

I know all of this already.

Of course you do.

You know everything that's happened.

I'm informing present.

You know her... condition.

I know.
Poor thing.

She'll forget all of this by tomorrow.

Doesn't it ever bother you,

only knowing what is and not what was?

Doesn't it ever bother you

only knowing what was and not what is?

All right, all right, please.

Can we get back to the case at hand?

Now, since that night,

Jack has had a contempt for Christmas

and forgotten its true meaning,

causing him to be chilly toward others

and weakening his relationship
with his daughter, Suzanne.

Fascinating...

And completely and utterly common.

Lots of people

have lost the true meaning of Christmas.

So, what makes this...

What's his name?

Jack.

Jack.

What makes him this year's target?

Well, alphabetically speaking,
we are on the cs.

Yeah, the sleeve
is about a half short still,

but I wanted the collar thicker,
not thinner.

Yeah, by tomorrow.

Well, it's not a holiday at my house.

If you can't do it, I'll find
someone that will, okay?

All right?
Thank you.

Mr. Cameron?

Yes?

The workers were wondering
if they could leave early today.

Which workers?

All of them.

All 79 workers came into your office

and asked
if they could leave early today?

Sir, I volunteered to come in and ask,

because, you know...

What is so special about today?

Um, it's Christmas Eve.

Yeah, but besides that.

Um, people want to shop.

See, as you know,

today is just like
any other day around here.

We all work our regular shifts,

and when we're done, we can go home.

Yes, sir.

Also,

the homeless shelter called

asking what time they should
stop by to pick up the coats.

What coats?

The irregulars, of course.

Oh. Oh, yeah.

We're not doing that this year.

What?

But this company
has donated the irregular coats

to the homeless

since your father founded it in 1941.

Actually, I don't need
a Cameron coat company

history lesson right now.

We found a paying customer
for the irregulars.

The Guatemalan army.

They bought them all.

They don't care if the epaulets
are upside down or not.

They're not a very good army.

They'll probably only wear them once.

So they get some decent coats,

we get a bucket of money,

everybody wins.

Except the freezing homeless.

Miss green, I am not heartless.

I'm going to donate some coats
on the fourth of July.

It'll be 90 degrees in July!

Thank you.

Thank you...

As usual, you have until midnight tonight

to complete the assignment.

Sounds pretty simple.

We make an appearance,

we show him the error of his ways,

and poof!

By morning, he'll be singing

fa-la-la-la-la.

I hope it's that easy.

We need a success on this assignment.

The head office
has been threatening to close

the ghosts of Christmas program
due to ineffectiveness.

Ineffectiveness?

When have we been ineffective?

Hello?

The Miami incident?

Hey, look, he could swim
when he was a kid.

Look, just stay sharp this year.

The last thing we need is to look bad.

Past, here's your candy cane chronometer.

It's been preprogrammed

to take you back in time

to key points in Jack's history,

and here are your spectral snowflakes

which will allow you and the target

to remain transparent
while on the journey.

Oh, I really need a smoke.

Do you have any cigarettes in there?

Ghosts can't smoke.

Oh, please, Trevor.

What's it going to do, kill me again?

All right, then, synchronize watches.

The 12-hour countdown begins...

Now.

Uh, you haven't told us

who the point person is
on the assignment.

Matthew Preston,
Jack's ex-business partner.

Died one year ago in a freak accident

while on vacation.

What exactly do you mean by "freak"?

Hey, what was I supposed to do, huh?

For one thing, keep your eye on the fish!

I looked away for one second.

I mean, come on!

Okay...

Let's get down to business,

shall we,
Mr. Preston?

Uh...

We need your help.

What?

Good night, Mr. Cameron.

Yeah, good night.

And merry Christmas.

Cameron coats.

Well, well, well, what a surprise.

Working on Christmas Eve.

What do you want, Alison?

I'm calling
to wish you a merry Christmas.

Well, there, you said it.

Jack, are you still wallowing

in the holiday spirit?

Did Suzie get the gift I sent her?

Yes, she got the dress,

and we're both happy to know

there's a hookers "r" us in London, too.

Oh, and I suppose you did better?

Oh, wait, I remember, Jack.

You didn't get our daughter

anything for Christmas, did you?

I wonder why, Alison.

Are you still banning
the entire holiday, Jack?

Don't you think that's getting
a little immature?

Would you like to hear
something really immature?

What?

♪ Jingle bells... ♪

♪ Jingle bells ♪

♪ jingle all the way ♪

♪ oh, what fun ♪

♪ it is to ride ♪

♪ oh, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ in a one-horse open sleigh ♪

♪ doo-doo-doo... ♪

You know, Suzanne, I was thinking

that since we're in the store
that has literally everything,

that you might see something
that you really, really want,

and then I could buy it for you.

But, dad, this is a drugstore.

Wait, you mean a Christmas present?

No, no, see,

it's nothing to do with Christmas.

It's just one of those things

a cool dad does for his daughter

any day of the year.

Yes.

Go ahead.

Anything you want.
You name it.

Anything except makeup.

Good evening, ladies.

Excuse me?
Yeah?

Do you have any other cola?

You need more than what we've got?

Well, I like this brand,
but I want a plain can.

I'm not following you.

That's Santa claus.

I don't want him on there.

You've got something against Santa claus?

No, but I just don't support
what he represents.

So plain cans...

Santa not give you, like,
a train set when you were a kid?

That's funny...
Hey, dad.

I got this really great lipstick,

and it's on sale.

Well, I'm sorry,

but you're going to have to put it back,

because we are no longer
shopping in this establishment.

Why not?

Because apparently

the employees do not respect

the customers' holiday beliefs.

Dad, you're embarrassing me.

Look, sir, I respect
your holiday beliefs.

I just think they're kind of weird.

Did you not hear that?

Dad, they are kind of weird.

Honey, do not side with the help.

Dad!

Ugh!

Merry ho-ho!

So you just want me
to visit Jack Cameron...

And...

And tell him that he's going
to be visited by three spirits?

Yup, that's it.

What's the point of that?

I mean, why not just you guys show up

instead of...

Well, it makes the transition easier.

Seeing someone that you know

just smooths the way.

I always thought you guys
were just fictional characters

that Charles dickens made up in that...

Charles dickens was a two-bit hack!

Okay, don't get him started.

Charles dickens was
a former target of ours

who chose to write a book
about his experiences,

even though we explicitly

told him not to.

But it was a great book...

It was crap!

Like everything he did!

Did you ever even
reada tale of two cities?

"It was the best of times,

it was the worst
of times..."

Make up your mind,
Mr. Dickens!

Okay, okay, okay,

but why me, huh?

Well, in a roundabout way,

you died as a result of working too much,

and for our cause,

that is...

Incredibly effective.

You're the only one
that can do this, Mr. Preston.

Will you help us?

Will you help your friend Jack?

Oh, where are we off to?

Out.

Out where?

A party.

A Christmas Eve party?

Yes, dad, a Christmas Eve party.

A Christmas Eve party.

Well, have fun.

I'm going to sit right here

and give this night
the respect it deserves.

By getting drunk and watching TV?

And eating frozen burritos,
but Suzanne, go ahead.

Celebrate the worst day of our lives.

Dad, we have two options

for focusing our attention today.

One is presents, cheer, elves,

candy canes, and sugarplums.

The other is an event
which took place seven years ago

that did indeed suck,

but was seven years ago.

Honey, maybe one day you'll grow up,

and then you'll understand
what this day symbolizes.

And maybe one day you'll realize

that there's more to life
than dwelling in the past.

Really?

Like what?

I'm going to let you figure that out.

Okay.

Now I'm going to this party,

and you should consider yourself lucky

if I come back at all.

Oh, really?
Well, I'll tell you what.

You should
consider yourself lucky if I...

If I...

Be home at midnight!

I'll have something witty to say then!

If I...

If I, um...

I got nothing, I got nothing...

What are you, crying?

Are you kidding?

It's been, like, seven years.

It's funny.

I was expecting you to be
a little more shocked.

It's been a really long day.

What happened to you, Jack, huh?

I mean, you look bad.

Ilook bad?

What happened to you? The man who I knew

wouldn't have been caught dead

in that shirt.

Oh, wait. Too late.

Very funny.

You know, I could sit here
and exchange witty banter,

but I'm actually here to tell you

about your plans for this evening.

Well, my plans are to stay in
and take it easy.

Oh, there's going to be
a lot more than that happening.

You're going to be visited
by three spirits.

Is that three spirits counting you,

or three in addition to you?

Because that would be four.

Uh, in addition...

Okay, that's four spirits,

and I wish you'd said that

right up top.
Are they all going to be

dead former co-workers?

They're going to be
the ghosts of Christmas.

Like in the book.
Yeah, like in the book,

but do yourself a favor,

don't even mention the book
to these guys,

because it's kind of like

a sore subject.

That would make me scrooge,

and you would be
like that Bob Marley guy?

Yeah.
Yeah.

Something like that.

Ah...

Doesn't any of this
shock or concern you at all?

You know, it would

if I didn't know
that it was a hallucination

brought on by the combination
of alcohol and stress.

All right, well,

don't say I didn't warn you.

Okay, one's going to be here

at 8:00,

and then there's going to be
another one at, uh...

What is that, is that 9:00?

Oh, and then the third one
comes at 10:00,

and that's the ghost of Christmas future.

Am I right?

Yes, yes.

But you know what?
I've got to get going.

Hey, Jack...

Merry Christmas.

Oh, that ain't right.

Whoa! Wha...

How did you get in here?

Were you not listening
to the dead fish guy?

It was only an hour ago,
for crying out loud.

Who are you?

Are you going to hit me with that lamp?

Are you going to lamp me to death?

Who are you?

Well, who do think I am?

I'm the ghost of Christmas past.

You mean, Matt was...

That's right.

No...

No, no, no, no.

No, you're a hallucination

brought on by a combination
of alcohol and stress.

Try this for a hallucination.

All right, let's get going.

Ouch.

Chop, chop!

We've got places to be.

We mustn't dawdle.

Whoa, what? What are you
going to do with that?

This.

Snow?

Get up!

Hey, that looks just like
the house I grew up in

in St. canard, Illinois.

You're kidding!

Except it can't be, because
they tore it down years ago.

That's why they call me
the ghost of Christmas past.

It's December 24th, 1965,

and inside that house
is you as a young child,

sleeping.

Well, why me?

In the book, ebenezer scrooge
is a mean old man

who hates Christmas.

I'm just a...

Ding! Ding! Ding!

Congratulations, contestant!

Let's see what's behind door number two,

shall we?

Wait a minute.

I'm not just some mean old man, okay?

I hate Christmas for a reason.

Something very bad happened to me,

and no amount of memories you show me

is going to change that...

Zip it!
Zip, zip, zip.

You know, Jack,
I could honestly not care less

about you, your messed-up,
whiny little life,

your inability to function in society,

your relationship with your daughter,

which any psychologist
would call disastrous.

All I really want

is to get your butt in that house

so we can do our thing, and I can go.

Okay, as long as we're on the same page.

Ta-dah!

Hey!
Can they hear me?

Yes, Jack, they can hear you.

That's why I brought you back in time,

so we can all sit by the fire,
chew the fat,

talk over old times,

change the course of history.

Yeah, why don't you trot over there

and tell them who won
the 1968 world series?

Dad...

Bet on the St. Louis cardinals.

Listen, I'm not going to let

your attitude problem
ruin this for me, okay?

Attitude problem?

You have a hissy fit every
time you hear "jingle bells,"

and I've got an attitude problem?

Where are they going?

Jack, it's Christmas Eve.

They just stacked the tree
with gifts for their kid...

That would be you...

And now they're going off to bed

to have nightmares
about all that money they spent

trying to put a smile
on your sweet little face.

You're kidding me, right?

You brought me all the way here
to try to make me feel guilty

about getting what I wanted
for Christmas when I was a kid?

No, Jack, that is not
why I brought you here.

You...

Do you have any idea

how much better things used to be?

I do.

I witnessed it first-hand.

Christmas used to have meaning.

It was more than just a time

for the family to gather at the mall.

People were kind to one another
for no apparent reason,

and even if it was for just one day,

people really seemed to care

about those that were less fortunate.

Every year, Jack,

my job becomes more and more pointless.

People get more and more cynical.

We used to have to use
the spiritual guilt trip

once every two years,

for some poor lost soul,

and now the poor lost souls

are outnumbering the regular people,

and yes, Jack,

I have an attitude problem!

Oh, Jack, my attitude stinks.

I'm fighting a war that I cannot win,

and being a soldier
no longer seems worth it.

Did you forget to take your meds?

Huh?

Is there somebody I could call?

Come on, buddy.

Come on, get it together.

Come on, now, show me your magic,

and let me go home.

Show me some magic, brother.

Yes...

There we go.

Yeah.

Goodbye, Jack.

What did you do?

I hope you like 1965,

because I'm...
Personally, I'm very fond of it.

What are you talking about?

Look out the window.

Okay...

What am I looking for?

Aw...

Hmm...

It's showtime.

I hope he's not in his underwear.

Hello?

What the hell happened here?

Hello. You've reached
the ghost of Christmas past.

I can't come to the...

Well, this is unusual.

What do you mean he never came back?

I waited at the house
for almost half an hour.

They never showed.

Past is only allotted one hour

to show the target around.

He knows that.

He's done it 2,000 times.

Oh no.

What, "oh no?"

Past's spectral snowflake
has been broken.

Broken?
But that means...

He and the target are now
living, breathing humans

in whatever year they're in.

1965!

Oh, this isn't good.

This isn't good at all.

Okay, well, we don't have to worry.

He can use his candy cane chronometer,

and he'll come back.

Right?

Trevor?

Unless he doesn't want to.

Well, why wouldn't he want to?

Well, you tell me.

You said he's been acting over-distant.

If he doesn't get back,
there'll be trouble.

What kind of trouble?

Big trouble.

Our powers wear off
less than three hours from now.

If the target hasn't been
returned to the present by then,

then he'll be stuck in the past forever.

That is trouble.

More than you know.

Oh, if the head office
finds out we lost a target,

they'll shut down the entire program.

Do you know what that means?

Yeah, we will be unemployed.

Worse.

Time is a balance.

If Jack doesn't get back
to his own Christmas

by midnight tonight,

then that balance will be upset.
Every Christmas he ever had

will cease to exist.

He will cease to exist.

The domino effect could be catastrophic.

The future could change,
the world could be up-ended,

the entire universe as we know it

could implode!

There'll be chaos!

There'll be hysteria!

Oh, the humanity...

Ow.

We have to stop thinking about the future

and start thinking about the present.

We need to know what's going on
in the past.

How?

Send me back.

What?

Yes. Send me back.

No. No, it's too dangerous.

More dangerous
than the end of everything?

Maybe I should send future.

But nobody knows where he is.

Besides, we don't have enough time.

It's got to be me, Trevor.

All right.

It's up to you, then.

The life of Jack Cameron

and the Christmas Eve program
are at stake,

not to mention the entire universe.

I've always wanted to see the past.

One more thing.

I need to see your spectral.

Okay.

What did you do that for?

Past is human now.

So in order to catch him,
you'll have to be human, too.

Good luck, present,

and if I don't see you again...

Happy holidays.

What is going on?

Wow...

It's me.

Why are you tied up?

You can see me?

Who are you?

I don't even know where to begin

to answer that.

Are you Santa claus?

Huh?

Why are you tied up, Santa claus?

I'm not Santa claus.

Are you one of his helpers?

My mom told me

the man at the department store
is one of his helpers.

Are you one of his helpers?

Yeah.

I'm one of his helpers.

Then why are you tied up?

You should go back to bed.

Did Santa tie you up?

Yes, Santa tied me up.

Why?

Because I ate
some of his milk and cookies.

I asked mom if we could leave
some milk and cookies,

and she said Santa was already too fat.

She used to say stuff like that a lot.

That's why I have food issues.

Who's that? I think I know. Untie me.

I don't know, mister.

I'll make you waffles.

I know you love waffles
with powdered sugar.

Come on.
Untie me.

Okay, go hide.
Hide, hide, hide.

Go on.

Ah! Oof.

Who are you?

Oh. This isn't good.

Are you Santa claus?

No, I'm, uh...

The tooth fairy.

So why don't you just go off to bed?

I want to open my presents.

Yeah, but it would be best if you...

But I want to open them now!

Go to bed now,
or I will come back tomorrow

and rip out all of your teeth
with a pair of pliers.

Oh, great.

Now I'm emotionally scarred for life,

which reminds me...

Hey, stay the heck away
from old man boyens.

Let's go.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, strange lady.

Now, who are you again?

Oh, I'm the ghost of Christmas present.

Then, uh, how come you're in my past?

Well, we've had a little situation,

but don't you worry,

because I'm here to fix things.

Oh, no.

Oh no. Oh no!

What?

It's broken.

What's is?

Our ride home.

That's a candy cane.

It's Christmas Eve.
We'll go get another one.

Jack, this isn't just any candy cane.

This is a highly sensitive piece

of technologically advanced
time-travel equipment!

Whoa!

Wow.

You shouldn't have sat on it.

I didn't sit on it.

Somebody tackled me!

Because I thought
you were the little dude!

Oh, do I look like the little dude?

Thank you.
You're welcome.

So we're stuck here?

Yes, Jack, we are stuck here.

I mean, the only way to get you
back to your own time is...

Past.

So we missed it.

What?

You said our time had passed.

No, not "passed."
"Past."

Passed?

Right.

So we missed it.

Just follow me.

The ghost of Christmas past

still has his candy cane chronometer.

We need to find him,

and we need wheels.

Don't do that, please.

See, it's 1965,

and nobody locks their cars.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

Right, I'll just hotwire this.

No, no, no, in 1965,

everybody put their keys right here.

Really?

Yeah.

There's no seatbelt because it's...

1965?
Yeah.

Get in.
All right.

♪ Dear, Santa claus
my name is Sam ♪

♪ American boy
that's who I am ♪

♪ yeah, I'm writing a list
trying to make a plan ♪

♪ dear, Santa claus
it's Christmas time ♪

♪ and all the year long
I've toed the line... ♪

So, basically, what you're telling me

is that if we don't
find this guy by midnight,

I am stuck here forever?

Yeah, pretty much.
Yeah.

Don't you guys have,

like, a contingency plan
or an escape route

that we could be taking right now?

Yes, and I'm it.

Okay, now think, Jack,
what exactly happened?

What exactly did he say?

Well, we were in my parents' living room,

and he started weeping.

He started weeping
and getting weird and maudlin

and self-pitying.

Reminded me of my crazy aunt Shirley

when she got drunk.

Then, all of a sudden,

he pulls out this giant snowflake thing

and smashes it on the fireplace.

So he did this on purpose.

He did that on purpose for sure.

But why?

You tell me! Where could he have gone?

What do you mean?

You know everything, right?

I know everything about the present.

Right, and this is the past.

Yes.

I get it.
I'm getting this thing.

Slowly.

Yes.

Okay, what is the first thing
that past would do as a human?

Something strange.

Where's the closest place
to buy cigarettes?

Well, it's Christmas Eve,
so everything is closed.

Except...

He's here.
Yeah?

I can feel it.

I can feel it, too.

Look at these toys.

Oh, that's cool.
They are so simple,

yet the children seem to love them.

Don't you, honey?

They do,

because they have to use
their imaginations.

It's fun, right?
It's fun.

I'm sorry, it's fun.
See how funny that is?

Look at this.

They're advertising guns to children?

Oh, no, they're bb guns.

They're only bb guns.

But these fire real metal pellets?

Real, little, tiny, tiny, metal pellets.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

You know what,
you just put this thing down.

You could put somebody's eye out
with one of these things.

Step away from the guns.

Where's the manager?

I demand to speak with the manager!

Cigarettes are on the third floor.

I just remembered.

Let's go.

Let's go! Here, son.

Santa, keep the kids away from the guns!

Yes, Santa!

Now, these are, in my opinion,

the closest to Cuban you'll find.

Word has it president Kennedy

sent a box to Castro

to show him how we do things
here in the U.S. of a...

Excuse me.

One moment, little lady.

Excuse me.
I said, one moment.

I suggest you put the reins
on your wife, pal.

Okay, listen.

I've got a couple of questions for you.

Now, I have a friend.
How tall is he?

About like that.

Yeah, with a green vest and a red tie.

Uh, what's his name?

Christmas past.

Chris maspast.

Chris, first name...

Yeah, he walked off
about three minutes ago.

Yeah, where did he go?

He asked me where the hat department was,

and I told him
it was on the second floor.

Thank you so much.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Good evening, shoppers.
Two hours until closing.

Two hours until closing.

Hey!
There!

Past!

♪ There goes jolly
old St. Nick ♪

♪ he's gonna make
his rounds again... ♪

Sorry!

Santa...

This is the real one.

Watch where you're going!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stop, stop!

Stop!

Come on, come on, keep running.

Wonderful.

Past. What are
you doing?

Have you lost your mind?

Why couldn't you just leave me be?

Just give us the candy cane chronometer.

We'll go back to the office

and sort this out. Give us the cane.

You know, I was really
looking forward to the '60s.

It was a great decade.

You know, you leave me no choice.

No, no, no, no, don't do it!

Don't you do that.

No! No!

What the...

You came too?

Well, since my chronometer broke,

we are all connected to yours.

Oh, well...

Stay here

and don't talk to anyone!

I won't.

Hey, am I invisible?

Do I have any super powers?

♪ Well
it's Christmas time again ♪

♪ let all your good cheer in ♪

♪ it's Christmas time
it's Christmas time again ♪

Past?

You are causing a lot of trouble

at the bureau, you know.

I don't like to be alone.

♪ So grab your baby
and hold her tight ♪

♪ keep her warm
by the firelight ♪

♪ you know it's Christmas time
it's Christmas time again ♪

♪ you know it's Christmas time
it's Christmas time again ♪

I missed you.

I lost him.

I've got to ask you a question.

How did we get where we are right now?

Well, past time-jumped,

and we're connected
with him, so that means

we're now somewhere else in time.

Okay, we're somewhere in time.

Can you be that much more specific?

Well, we can only travel
to a Christmas Eve in your past.

So that means
that you are somewhere nearby.

Okay, but when you say, "you are here,"

you don't meanthisyou.
No, young you.

Young you is nearby. Huh.

Okay, did we, like, fly here...

Oh! Come here.

Young me.

That's you?

What have you done now?

My ski broke up.

So where and when are we?

Okay, Aspen, Colorado,
Christmas Eve, 1978,

the ski valley lodge,

and this is my honeymoon.

Did the ski break up with you,

or did you break up with the ski?

I broke up with it.

I caught it slipping around with a luge

behind my back.

Well, don't worry.

There's a million skis

in the sea.

What, jealous?

It's okay. We're married.

After this, I think
they go into the game room

and make sweet love on the pool table.

Too much information.

We have less than two hours.

Let's go.

Sucker.

What are they wearing?

I like it.

Back then, people dressed kind of...

Cheesy?

Are you folks checking in?

Yes.
No.

We, uh...

We're browsing.

Well, you might as well
make yourselves comfortable.

The snow storm has closed
all the roads down.

Nobody is coming or going anywhere

until tomorrow.
That's right!

That's right, I remember.

The whole lodge is snowed in,

no one gets in or out,

there's no place else to stay for miles.

Okay, so if past is here, he is here.

Okay, so we need
to find you a hiding spot.

Because the last thing we need

is you sneezing on the younger
version of yourself

and when you get back to the present,

you find the world is ruled
by giant talking apes.

Yeah, right, like that can happen.

Could that happen?

Okay, stay put while I look for him.

This is small.

Yep. Just think
about those apes.

Oh, man...

Excuse me.

Where would a girl go around here

if she were from another
plane of existence

and looking to have some fun?

I'm sorry, miss, I'm already spoken for.

Excuse me?

Oh, I beg your pardon, miss.

Uh, some fun...

We have a lovely bar
just down the hall there.

That's where we'll be holding our annual

"deck the halls disco dance"
later this evening.

Just down the hall to your left.

Great. Thank you so much.

Uh, excuse me?

What can I get for you?

Oh, no, I don't drink,
but I'm looking for a friend.

He's about this tall,

and he has a green vest and a red tie.

What's his name?

Uh, Chris.

Chris maspast.

Christmas past?

Uh, yeah.

Yeah, he was just in here.

Him and Rudolph and blitzer.

Yeah, you know,
they ordered a couple of ciders.

It's "blitzen."

Stay tuned

for the star wars holiday special.

Fascinating.

I have to pee.
I have to...

Hey...

Where's your most
out-of-the-way restroom?

Just down the hall and to your left.

The holiday season
is getting weirder every year.

Jack! Stop it!

No!

The game room.

Oh, no.

There's nobody in here.

Okay, well, we could...

Play pool.

Hmm.

Or...

Jack...

You are the best.

I was the best.

May the force be with you.

Did you likestar wars?

I've never seen it before.

I've seen it 12 times.

My name's Mike.

Pre... atty.

Pratty?

Uh, Patty. Patty.

Can I buy you a drink, Patty?

Sure.

So, what do you want to do tonight?

I don't know, I was thinking...

Maybe we could go to the
"deck-the-halls disco" thing.

Oh, they're showingit's a wonderful life

in one of the ballrooms.

I wanted to watch that.

Jack, come on, don't be a bore.

I want to go dancing.

It's a classic.

Okay. Fine.

Go to your movie.

I'll just stay in the room.

Okay, well, it's only a couple of hours,

and then I'll come back
and take you ice skating.

All right, well, whatever we do,

let's go back to the room, okay?

I want to take a nap.

Jack!

I was boring.

Gonna be a while?

Gonna be, uh...

Psst.

All right, bye-bye.

Yes?

Do you remember that tall blonde lady

that I was here earlier with?

Yes.
Yeah.

Have you seen her?

Just down the hall, to your left.

Oh, good.

Oh, down the hall.
Okay.

She's very attractive, isn't she?

If you like that sort.

Yeah, I do.

Down the hall, to the left.

Mm...

Then Chewbacca just, like...

Hi, kids. How are you?

Jack! Yay!

This a friend of yours?

Yes.

Jack is a friend

that I've known from 1965.

Has it been that long?

Listen, can I talk to my buddy here alone

for just a moment?

Actually, I was...

Beat it!

I don't think he's right for you.

I told you to stay put.

If I'd have done that,

I couldn't have seen you

trying to pick up a strange guy
at the bar.

I didn't pick him up.

He was picking me up.

Was he?
Are you drunk?

No, I most certainly am not.

So you're celebrating
because you found past.

But the past that I know
will show up where the booze is,

sooner or later.

Good plan, huh?

That's a great plan.

Do you have any idea
what time it is right now?

Oh, silly, it doesn't matter
what time it is now here,

because we are on bureau time,

and it's...

Oh, no.

Where did the time go?

Ah, well, you drank it.

Bartender,

can I get some coffee for this lady?

Her little friend there
told me to beat it.

Did you get her drunk?

I was working on it.

She's had, like, four or five beers.

Is she having a good time?

I think so, yeah.

Well, good.

Good job.

Thank you.

Thanks, mister.

No, no, no. Coffee.

Actually,

it's from the gentleman over there.

Whoa! Whoa!

You tricked me.

I'm sorry.

I got a little carried away.

It was Christmas Eve and all...

You put a lot of things at risk.

We need to get back.

No, not right away.

Yes, right away.

Not right away.

I need a little more time.

I've been dreaming about this for years.

I want to be a human again,

even if just for a little while.

You cannot blame me for that.

No, listen, I'm going to tackle him,

take his magic cane,
and we're going back!

No, it doesn't work that way.

The chronometer is set
to our individual rhythms.

It's true.

Either we all go back...

Or nobody goes back.

That's right,

so you might want to listen

to my little proposal.

Now, according to the clock

at the bureau of yuletide affairs,

we have one hour and 15 minutes.

That's plenty of time.

I'll make you a deal.

Give me 60 minutes to enjoy myself...

Drink my drink, smoke a few cigarettes,

maybe dance a little...

And then I'll meet you back here
at midnight.

And if we don't?

Well, if you don't,

then I'll pop us through time
like a pinball machine.

Until it's too late for anybody.

Now, do we have a deal?

Okay, we have a deal.

Well, good.

Then I will see you kids later.

Have a good time.

I know I will.

Well, I think I handled that well.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, especially at the end,

where you let him walk away from us.

Good.

I didn't have a choice.

So...

What are we going to do till midnight?

Good stuff.

This is disgusting.

Yeah, yeah, and it turns out,

in the future,

we find that they're actually
bad for you, too.

What about this?

That's fine.
Drink up.

So you can't remember anything?

Well, I mean,

I can remember

basic skills and functions and whatnot.

You know, I remember how to tie my shoes

and use a computer,

and I am surprisingly good at kung fu.

It's just...

I don't really have a sense
of life in the past.

Why did they do that to you?

I don't know.

I guess the head office

didn't want any one of the ghosts

having too much power,

so we can all only remember

the past, the present, or the future.

Well, the past is overrated.

Believe me.

But you know the present, right?

Pretty much.

I mean, the present being today.

Mm-hmm.
You know everything.

Yes.

Then I could ask you anything
and you could answer it.

Sure.
Where's Madonna?

In her bathroom.

Where's my wedding ring?

In the bottom of your sock drawer.

Where's my daughter?

She's making out with chip wattingham

in the front seat of his car.

I'm kidding.

She's in the back seat.

You're pretty funny for a dead chick.

Yeah, you're pretty handsome.

What?

What?

What did you say?

You know,

I think it's getting
kind of busy in here.

We probably should get going.

Really?
Mm-hmm.

Because of the giant talking apes?

Yes, and we don't want you
bumping into yourself.

Yeah, if I bump into myself,

that could change everything.

Exactly.

What was it you said a minute ago?

I think we should go.

Really? All right.

Hey, thanks a lot.

Merry Christmas.

Hey... hey, man!

What the hell is this?

All right, okay.

We need a place to hide
until past comes back.

We'll find a place.

Hello. This looks good.

Come on in here.

Come on in here.

Hey, buddy.

You're headed for two, uh...

215?

Exactly.

I'm not there anymore.
I'm down here.

So hold this.
Hold this.

Thank you.

Make sure nobody bothers us, okay?

Yeah.

Enjoy, enjoy.

What are we doing in here?

Well, you said to find
a good place to hide,

and I'd say this
is a great place to hide.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, I don't think so.

Listen, we still have time.

Why should past have all the fun?

Are you okay... present?

Yes, this is great.

This was a great idea.

Thanks.

You know, I can kind of understand

why past wanted to be human again.

Is he going to be in trouble
when we go back?

Oh, yeah.

Are you going to be in trouble?

Oh, yeah.

Well, I'm not going to
allow that to happen.

I'm going to tell them

that you did everything humanly possible

to get his little butt back there,

and you'll be okay, trust me.

You're an interesting guy, Jack.

Thanks.

You are...

What's the word?

Perfect.

So, um, what happened with your wife?

She tricked me.

I thought we had a happy marriage

for almost 20 years,

and then one day, bam.

You had no idea?

No warning sign?

I mean, we had the usual disagreements.

I worked too much,

I didn't spend enough time with her,

and she'd get really upset,

but then a few days later,

suddenly, she'd get over it.

Now I know what she was getting

to get over it,

and the worst part is the way she did it.

During my daughter's Christmas recital,

she got up, walked out the door,

hopped on that dentist,
and took off out of our lives.

He wasn't even a good dentist.

I mean, if he'd have been an astronaut,

I'd understand, but...

It's not right.

How did your daughter handle it?

Well, obviously, better than me.

She's a strong kid.

I guess the thing that hurts me

is that I wasted so many years of my life

on somebody that obviously
did not love me.

That's not what it said in the report.

What report?

The one on you.

According to our records,

you had a better than average marriage,

and it produced a daughter
that you love very much.

So you must have enjoyed those 18 years,

at least a little bit,

while it was happening.

There were moments.

Maybe she was doing
the best that she could do

at the time.

So why not let the good memories

outshine the bad memories?

You don't have memories, do you?

No, and that's what I mean.

Don't blow it, Jack.

You know, I thought
that what we did was magic,

but this...

Oh, my gosh, this is the magic.

I mean, you still have a chance.

Some of us don't.

Are you unhappy?

At this moment in time, I am very happy.

That make me very happy, too.

To hot tubs and time travel.

Whoa.

What?

I'm having a weird feeling.

Describe it.

I don't know.

I think I have to go to the bathroom.

You think?

Well, I don't know, Jack.

I haven't been a human in a long time.

You could have fooled me,

because you're really good at it.

Hold that thought.

I will.

It's 11:30.

He said he'd be here by midnight.

Yeah.

Come on!

Jack...

Yeah?

I'm having the weirdest feeling.

Do you have to tinkle again?

I just... I feel...

I don't remember feeling
anything like this.

It's about you.

I just...

I wish we had more time.

Well, there's no time like the present.

I thought she was taking a nap.

I'll be right back.

Hey, how you doing?

Hi.

My name's Vincent.

Alison.

Now, you see, that's a beautiful name.

A beautiful name

for a beautiful girl.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

So, um...

Are you here at the lodge

alone?

Yeah, sure am.

Hey, do you have a room?

Sure do.

Really?

Yeah, yeah. 433.

Why don't I go freshen up,

and I'll meet you there in 10 minutes?

Yeah!

Pardon me.

On our honeymoon?

She was easier

than you said she was gonna be!

I can't believe...

What's up?

Nobody hits on my future ex-wife!

Hey, hey, break it up, you guys!

I am a personal friend
of John Travolta...

Oh, my god!

Hey, Curtis.

Curtis!

Hey, it's Joey, man, your roommate Joey?

Grandmaster flash?

Hey, you know that new sound
you were looking for?

Well, listen to this!

Whoa!

Oh, ooh.
Jack?

Hey...

Hey, what's going on?

Oh, I started a fight.

That's pretty stupid, huh?

No, it was stupid to leave you
on the dance floor.

I want to finish what we started...

Well, hello.

You're here.

Oh, yeah, but I'm not too happy about it.

Well, take us back.

Now!

Jack!

Thank you, darlin'.

Yes!

Who are you?

Ebenezer scrooge,

I am the ghost of Christmas present.

Boo!

That is completely unrealistic.

Oh, my head.

What happened?

Um...

A big guy hit you really hard.

Yeah, and then what?

Then you kicked his butt.

I thought so.

Okay, what are we doing...

Just... stay here.

What are you doing?

We have to get back.

I'm not going back.

What?

You heard me.

I am taking control of my life.

You don't have a life.

Exactly, because of this job.

Look, we were hand-picked
for our positions.

This is a worthwhile service.

Are you having a good time?

What does that have to do with anything?

Jumping back in time,

drinking, dancing,

wanting a smooch?

So what if I am?

You of all people

should understand where I am coming from.

You're the ghost who got the worst deal.

You can't even remember the good times.

There is no time like the present.

That's because

you haven't been enlightened.

Go with me.

Oh, we can go hopping through time.

It would be a hoot!

If we're not back in a half an hour,

Jack Cameron will cease to exist.

Oh...

A small price to pay for our happiness.

Don't you think we're owed this?

No...

Cruel world!

You have seen the future, ebenezer.

That's my daughter.

How can this be, future?

How can I be dead?

We all die, ebenezer.

It is how we live

that makes us who we are.

Tonight you have seen your past,

your present, and your future.

It is now time for you to realize

what your life means.

I don't understand.

It is not what has
happened to us in the past

that makes us who we are, scrooge.

Neither is it

our situations in the present.

It is what's in our hearts.

Our hearts?

What happens to us in the past

should not dictate
who we are in the future.

We use our hearts to go through life

and play the hand we're dealt

to make the most of the time
we have on this earth.

Yes!

Yes, it's true.

I have learned

the true meaning of Christmas.

Hey!

You're going to miss the end.

Jack, what are you doing?

Why did you change your clothes?

Cheating on your husband

while your daughter's on stage

on Christmas Eve?

Wh-what are you talking about?

I'm just going out to the car
to get some lipstick.

You mean like on our honeymoon

when you did not go
to the "deck the halls disco"

and did not try to pick up that guy?

You knew about that?

Yeah, I also know

you're on your way to the coat-check

where you're going to hook up

with Dr. Roland, d.D.S.

What are you, psychic or something?

You always were funny, Alison,

and I'm going to miss that

about you.

Okay, so now you know.

What do you want from me?

I want to thank you.

You want to thank me for cheating on you?

No, I want to thank you for 18 years

of above-average marriage,

and I want to thank you

for mothering a wonderful,
beautiful daughter

who, if all goes well,

will grow up to be
absolutely nothing like you,

and I want to thank you
for leaving me right now,

while I still have a few years left

to enjoy my life without you.

You're welcome.

All right, well, get 'er going.

The doctor is in.

That's right.

Bye...

But I've got some bad news for him.

He's lost a loyal customer.

Tick, tock.

Time's wasting.

What's it going to be?

No...

No, I can't do this.

We need to go home.

No, no, no, no.

We don't need to do anything, my dear.

We're ghosts.

And if you want this...

You're going to have to take it
out of my cold, dead hands.

Hey, pres, you should have
seen me back there.

Take us home! No, you can't make me!

What are you doing?

Stay out of this, Jack!

This is between me and him!

Time is almost up!

Not yet, it isn't.

♪ When the Christmas lights
are twinkling ♪

Cool, we're in black and white.

Where are we?

Hey...

Those are my parents, and that's me.

He tricked me.

My mom is hot.

Nine minutes until Christmas day, Jack.

Let's find him.

Why?

What do you mean, why?

We have to get out of here.

It doesn't matter what time
we're stuck in, or what place,

as long as we're stuck together.

Oh...

That is the sweetest thing
that anyone has ever said to me,

but no!

I have to do my job.

We'll get you another job.

Eight minutes until Christmas day, Jack.

Dance with me.

Jack, no, we don't have enough time.

1958 was a very good year.

I'll say.

Jack, no.

There's something
that I have to tell you.

I know, you love me.

No I mean... I mean, yes, probably.

Okay, I love you too.

Just listen to me.

This isn't about us.

This is about you

and what is going to happen
in... seven minutes.

If we don't get you back in time,

then all of your christmases
will no longer be.

Uh-huh.

And that means

the old Jack Cameron will cease to exist.

So so if you cease to exist,

that means you were never married.

Oh, my god, that's good news, honey.

Jack, that means...

You never had Suzanne.

So my daughter...

Will never be.

No, you can't do that.

See, that's unacceptable.

If it's me, that's one thing,
but not her.

Believe me, she's special.

That kid, I promise you,

makes the world
a better place to live in.

Five minutes, Jack.

You!

Yes...

Oh!

Come back, little man!

Whoa!

Sorry!

Why did he have to break that snowflake?

Hey!

Oh...

Get back over here!

Okay, here we go.

That hurt!

You're not going to take
my daughter away from me!

Too late. It's Christmas day!

Not yet it isn't.

Jack, 15 seconds.

Then I'd better go now, huh?

Are you crazy?

Probably, but it'll be fine!

Don't worry.

Not so fast.

Why did you stop me?

Future?

Future?

You people certainly know
how to create a mess.

Who's that?

That's my boss.

Oh, hey, she did a great job.

The other guy, he's rotten,

but she's pretty great.

Nice to see you all.

Past, you have done
the most selfish thing

anyone has ever done
in the history of time,

and I checked.

Yeah, well, I'm not sorry for what I did.

I know, and that's why
you're being replaced.

Replaced?

You can't replace me.

Why not?

Because!

I'm the ghost of Christmas past.

Damn, I've been doing this
for 2,000 years.

Who could possibly be qualified
to replace me?

Well, we held a meeting

and decided on someone
with a strong spirit,

someone who would appreciate the past

for what it is,

someone who, in retrospect,

has been overlooked and neglected

for 2,000 years.

You.

Me?
Her?

That's right.

The head office decided

it would be best.

You've been deprived
of the past for so long,

you'll be granted the knowledge

of all of it.

Hey!

What about me?

What am I supposed to do?

Don't worry.

We have a position all lined up for you.

Is she okay?

She'll be fine.

She was just given the memories
of all of civilization.

Give her a moment to adjust.

I want my mommy.
I want my mommy...

Mommy...

Ah. Ah.

What happens to me?

It's Christmas.

You get to go home.

And I'll take you.

Whoa, it's here.
It's still here.

What a night, huh?

It was great.

What you said to your wife,

that was pretty good.

It felt good.

Look, Jack, you and I...

You don't have to say anything.

I've got to...

Just try not to forget me.

Oh, I won't.

I will always remember you...

Now that I can.

Merry Christmas, Jack.

God bless us, everyone.

Dad?

Honey!

Oh! Oh, thank god
you're here, baby.

How are you? Oh!

Where have you been all night?

What day is it?

Well, it's Christmas day.

It's Christmas!

Oh, great!

Perfect, thank you!

Are you drunk?

No, I haven't had a drink since 1978.

Look, dad, I'm sorry
for calling you a psycho.

No, honey,

don't be sorry, because I was a psycho.

I was a crazy psycho!

You are drunk.

No, no, no, this is different, baby.

Christmas should never be forgotten.

It's a time to be kind to strangers

and celebrate life.

Merry Christmas, sweetheart.

Merry Christmas, dad.

Okay, go get changed.

Where are we going?

We're going to go spread
some Christmas joy.

Are you kidding me?
Come on!

Hey!

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Merry Christmas to you, too.